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My best friend is making really bad decisions and I'm worried.
My best friend has had a history of depression and engaging in risky behaviors. She was doing well for a little while, but recently, after breaking up with her boyfriend, she's been struggling again and slipping back into some behaviors. she has been sexting with guys she hardly knows on the internet, stripping over the webcam, etc. now she's planing on meeting up with her ex boyfriends roommate to have sex with him. But seems to be aware of the consequences of doing it, but it doesn't bother her. I should also add that she's only 16.
I know this all sounds crazy, and maybe it is, but I'm really concerned about her. I don't want her to get hurt and I feel like that's what she is setting herself up for. I love her dearly, and I don't know what I should do as a friend. Should I tell her not to go meet up with this guy? Should I express to her my concerns? What would be the best thing to do?
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Dear My best friend is making really bad decisions and I'm worried,
Sexting and stripping on the webcam may be her way of releasing the stress of the recent and sudden changes in her life. Meeting up with strange guys would not be wise, but she is not meeting up with one of these guys.
She is meeting up with someone she knows. What is risky about that? If she is responsible and uses protection, I see no harm in her meeting up with someone she knows to have casual sex.
Life is all about learning lessons. She is struggling because she is in a state of change and transition. She and her boyfriend are not together anymore, That is a big change.
Going to her parents may be a bad thing for your friendship and could be seen as over reacting to a normal situation. She is in emotional chaos right now and is tyring to find herself. Let her do that.
Sometimes to be the best friend in the world, we have to let our friends make mistakes. Confess your concerns to her, but do not try and stop her or tattle on her.
Sixteen is the normal age for girls to start having sex anyway. Just keep being the friend you are and things will work themselves out.
Good Luck!!
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I agree with the previous advisor. I know you feel that if you go to her parents you will be betraying her and may lose her as a friend. Is it not better to lose her friendship then the possibility of attending her funeral for this is a real possibility if you keep her confidence.
I'm not trying to scare you by what I wrote above. If your friend is suffering from bipolar disorder or other depressive issues there is the real possibility she can find herself in something she cannot handle and be really hurt.
How hurt can she get? There are cases where girls in her condition have been seriously hurt and some have died. This is why it is so important that you let her parents know what you have observed. At home in front of her parents she may act entirely normal to them. Away from home in front of you and others is what her parents do not see and need to know to keep her safe.
She may even be off her medication without her parents knowing. Two reasons for this especially in people with bipolar disorder is:
First: When the meds work they feel good and don't think they need them and stop taking them. They fall back to the point they need them but at that time they will not accept that fact.
Second: Antidepressants, especially strong ones make you feel lethargic and out of step with the rest of the world. People on this type of medication feel the cure is worse than the disease and stop taking their medication.
It is possible that either of these things can be at work here and she can and is hiding it from her parents. You have to be adult enough here to value losing her friendship in order to save her from hurting herself and to inform her parents of anything she has told you or what you have observed.
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The best thing to do is to talk to her with one of your parents in the room. You just have to be truthful about what you have observed and that it has usually happened in the past right before a relapse or critical problem.
Hon, she's not just depressed. It's likely she may be bipolar as well. If not bipolar she has symptoms consistent with hypomania (which I have) which although not dangerous need to be watched because it includes promiscuity, mood swings, being overly hyper, and bad choices including financial.
Thing is if she's full bipolar she may not be able to see things as they are. That's why you need an adult like a parent or someone adult you both know to raise the concern.
Be aware of the fact she may be pissed no matter what you say to her or your family does at first. However, in the long-run she may see and will that you did it out of genuine love and nothing else.
One thing you could ask her to keep things subtle and avoid volatility is ask her if she has had levels checked with lithium or anti-depressants lately as a few people have sensed something off that may have been off when she was headed to a problem before. This way if she gets checked a doctor can note the poor decisions or detect if she's headed towards something bad.
If you think your friends are ever in trouble or can get hurt health or otherwise you have to step in and be the voice of reason. If you are truly best-friends this is what to do and let chips fall as they may.
She needs someone to talk directly to her that will never BS her on anything. You may not like that role but its fallen to you. It's best to say something and be wrong than to stay mum and see her crash if she is headed for that.
As for the online behavior and meeting random men you need to tell your parents and get them to intervene with her family as this is something her parents need to know immediately.
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