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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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I'm an Artist, well that's what they say i paint, illustrate, make collages, create and everything .. Well that was before, not doing that anymore , lacking of motivation and working at some boring tourism company,sick of this country and trying everything to go out of it. I don't want to do anything except for sleeping and watch a movie or something, i feel like i don't fit in not like i want that,it just really hard sometimes, i just wanna be home alone.
I'm almost 30 now and a year ago i began dating this guy whose 5 years younger than me, it started really good i saw myself changed a little bit, then again the same feelings and decided to break up, he didn't agree he talked and talked and somehow he convinced me to give it one more try so i accepted it, again it was good even better but after some time i got in the same position, wanting to be alone not wanting seeing him but i continued anyway because he wasn't bad at all, he cares about me like no one did ..
Now it's been a year and 3 month, i couldn't take it any longer so i broke up AGAIN... and he just said ok and after 3 days he sends me this touching message that whatever my condition is i need to get out of it i should try new things ,that he can't lie that he's miserable now but if i'm happy like this then it's better for both of us if we stayed apart..he just trying to look strong, but he's not we have mutual friends my best friend who actually works with him in the same company they all saying how miserable he become and doing alot of mistakes at work, not concentrating ,bla bla
My best friend sits with him like hours talk and talk ,she suggested that he could really help me getting out of from my situation, and now he sends me a msg wanting to see me, ofcourse i will ...
Now i miss him i got jealous from the girls im not saying i dont love him,just my situation makes everything harder ..and makes me think is it because of my situation or i just don't love him ..
I'm not a doctor none of us are so we can't make any diagnoses. In your letter I see some of the classic signs of (Major)Depression. Having suffered from Depression myself I can tell you that this type of depression is curable.
What you need to do is:
First get a complete physical and asked to be screened for depression. The screening is a bunch of questions the doctor will ask to determine if you indeed suffer from depression.
Second; Your doctor may prescribe medication. This is good as it will lift the cloud of depression allowing you to see more clearly.
Third; Find a Board Certified psychiatrist to medicate you properly. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who has done a residency in psychiatry. A Board Certified Psychiatrist is a medical doctor who has done a Fellowship in psychiatry and past the test to be admitted into the Collage of Psychiatrists. This doctor is best qualified to medicate you as most 9Major) Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. YOur not crazy you just need some help to bring these chemicals up to where they should be to help fight depression.
Forth; Find a good psychologist. one you are comfortable with for talk therapy. THe psychologist is you new best friend someone you can tell your deepest darkest secrets to secure in the knowledge what is said in therapy goes no further without you written consent to do so. If you have health insurance the psychiatrist and psychologist these doctors should be covered less your deductible.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Take that first step and go from there.
Good Luck.
During deadlift (wrong form my mistake),I do not felt any pop or click sound in my back but after 15 minutes I felt stiffness and pain in lower back and it subsided over 3 days but i still have some sensation of pain when i bend.Some serious injury has happened? or i should rest more days to see how my body reacts to it?
We are not doctors therefore can not make any diagnoses. That being said you may have pulled or possible torn a muscles either of which will heal over time and rest. It is doubtful you strained any ligament or caused any problem with your spinal discs.
My suggestion is this: Make an appointment to see a sports medicine doctor and follow the advice you get. I would also invest in a weight lifting back belt to prevent further injuries.
Hi so me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 2 years now and we have talked about having sex and we wanted to earlier but neither of us were really ready. Now I feel like we’re both ready but big delima is that neither of our parents are ready, we’re both Juniors in Highschool, and very much so mature but our parents Just aren’t ready. My parents are always around so we couldn’t do it at my house, and we could do it at his house but his mom checks in all the time so we could be in the middle of having sex and she comes in and that really kills the mood. We’re both very very very horny and everytime we kiss it’s like a sexual charge and i just don’t know what to do
Being Juniors in high school tells me that while you body is ready for sex you are still to young to be having actual intercourse. I suggest heavy petting with mutual masturbation with your clothes on. He hingers you and you give him a handjob. Once you both turn 18 you are legally entitled to a sex lif as you will both be adults in the eyes of the law and your parent have little to no say over what you do.
Honestly I had no idea where to post this or ask this as I never have before but I’ve had serious, serious confusion. I am a female. I know I like other women and I feel as though I do not like men. I have a boyfriend. I really like him but I don’t think I like him in that way. I never want to marry a man and my question is what do I do? And how do I tell him I’m a lesbian?
This is a hard question to answer especially not knowing your age. Below are 2 websites I found that you can visit that may answer your question better than any of may be able to do.
https://pairedlife.com/gender-sexuality/How-to-Tell-if-You-are-a-Lesbian
https://www.wikihow.com/Know-If-You-Are-a-Lesbian
Hi, i’m honestly stressed during these days because i’m an honor grade 11 student and my family’s struggling both financially and in terms of health. I would like to ask if what I should do because a girl, who is my classmate, likes me and is public about it and no one has any idea that I’m gay. I do not plan to out myself any time soon because it is much comfortable for me to keep my sexuality as a private topic. I’m also an introvert, have anxiety and depression, and my family somehow despises homosexuality. I’m used to being alone or keeping things within myself because of my family’s hatred towards homosexuality and with my father’s early passing but lately, I’m worried about hurting my classmate’s feelings and at the same time, I do not want to be outed. I honestly need help and your advice could honesly be life-changing and will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and God bless.
I would suggest a little white lie would be appropriate here. You can tell her that at this time you are not looking for any type of relationship as you need to concentrate fully to maintain your honor grad status.
It may not be much of a lie as I'm sure you must devote most if not all of your time to studies. If she presses you you can add that you do not want to start something only to break it off when you leave for college which would also be true.
As for coming out; there is no reason for you to come out to your family, friends or publicly until you are ready to do so. I would suggest you speak with speak to your mother as her love for you may override her feelings on homasexuality.
My girlfriend has got pregnant after only like 2 month we do love each other but she saying were not ready and financial and she already has 2 kids ages 2 and 5 and had said she wants more kids just when her youngest is at school full time what should I do.. But am ready 100 percent and always wanted a child too
You're in a tough spot. Not being married you may not have any legal say depending on the laws of the state you live in. Most laws in this situation give her full say as to how she wants to proceed.
She can of course carry the baby to full term then she can give it up for adoption or keep the child. If she decides to keep the child to full term this gives you time to talk to her and to see if marriage is something you both want. If so problem solved and you keep the baby.
She can also decide to terminate the pregnancy. Her again it is her body and her decision alone to make.
I would suggest if you want to keep the baby that you seek out just what you legal standing is with a Lawyer specialising in a Family Practice Law.
I love my younger sister more than anything, but I have been incredibly attracted to her since adolescence, and I have been “in love” with her for decades. I have not acted on it. We are both divorced, after marriages and our children are adults and our parents are deceased, so we would not be hurting anyone.
She is beautiful and never long without a lover, until recently. She always makes terrible choices and gets hurt. This has ignited the smoldering desire that was never dormant but long muted. I’ve tried everything not to feel this way, but I am now obsessed with her, to the point near total distraction.
I know many people have “friends with benefits”. I feel compelled to broach this prospect with her soon, and not sure how to do so. If this happens, we would do so secretly. I have always been a very loving and respectful partner; many friends and family have frequently said they wished they had a husband like me. I absolutely adore and treasure her.
Any suggestions or ideas?
Has anyone had/have a loving, consensual sexual relationship with a sibling?
When it comes to sex have very liberal thoughts on the matter. I believe anything is possible between two consenting adults and what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. The operative word here is consenting.
Some people have very strong views on Incest. I would suggest you approached your sister with straight forward thoughts on your feelings for her and your thoughts on having sexual relations. If she say no do not try and convince her for even if you changes her mind she still may be repulsed after the fact.
Remember Incest is not only Illegal in all states and most western countries it is also against most religious beliefs. Incest became taboo when the clerics noticed that babies had a higher rate of birth defects to couples having Incest relations so they made it a sin. When mans law came to be they adopted and made Incest illegal.
Today modern medicine can correct most birth defects and diagnose them early enough that a couple can make a choice. Based on what you have written pregnancy may not be a problem. If it is make sure to use some type of contraception.
I've been dealing with this for about one month now. I'm suffering from severe constipation. I'm only pooping on the weekends. But, when I go, it is several times a day and usually a very large amount and it is very painful. I've never had these issues before. I'm 28/f.
Recently, however, my home life has become much more stressful. I'm a teacher. The kids are misbehaving more than I have ever seen any other class misbehave in five years. I think that the issue is more emotional than actually physical. On the weekends, I suppose I have more of an opportunity to relax and the muscles are less tense.
I am feeling so stuffy and full and bloated. I'm even having pregnancy dreams bc I assume that subconsciously, I'm feeling pregnant. I am not eating well bc of how stuffy I feel. I've been losing weight in the upper body. Like, my collar bone is popping out and my ribs are becoming more and more detailed. But, then my stomach is just so bloated, that during the week, I'm wearing pants a size larger than what I normally wear.
This is very uncomfortable. I've tried benefiber. I try to eat high fiber foods. PLEASE HELP! I'm so uncomfortable. Any advice is appreciated, especially if you've ever had a similar experience.
I too suffer with constipation. Mine is do to medication I take Dulcolax stool softener, 3 capsuls, at bed time. On occasions that I am really constipated and need something stronger I take a gentle laxative.
Stress is more dangerous than most of us give it credit for. Stress can cause pain that can lead to clinical depression. You need to find away to relax and destress when you get home. Having a glass or two of wine relaxing with nice relaxing music is one way. Yoga is another way of relaxing.
You should also talk with your doctor about this problem for their may be other reasons for your constipation.
So, I have a crush on my bus driver! I don't usually freak out like this when I have crushes on someone, but this time, its different. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm 19 years old female and he is in his mid 30s I guess. It all started last month when I sat next to him in the passenger seat and caught him staring at me a couple of times! I take his bus every weekend and get so excited when the seat next to him is unoccupied. You might think that that's fine, but the problem is that he is illiterate, doesn't speak my language, old, and is from Bangladesh. Not that I have anything against his country, but we both are totally different. Different religion, culture, you name it..... Whenever I catch myself thinking about him I cry a little! It's never gonna work out and I DON'T want it to work out! How can I be this stupid to have a crush on a bus driver. I just want it to stop. HELP PLEASE :(
you're not stupid; having a crush on someone is only natural. Have you not had a crush on a particular teacher in school? This is the same thing.
You know a romance or any type of relationship will never work. So sit back and enjoy the feeling. When you find someone to have a relationship with the crush will wear off.
Hi, I'm currently a Freshman in college. My family is about to go on a trip overseas. They've traveled several times over the last couple of years, and I haven't been able to go, because of the annoying attendance policy at my former school district. I have 3 exams coming up, and one right after we would get back from the trip. I'd be missing 2 days, and mostly quizzes that count as grades. Is it worth it for me to go? Or wiser just to stick around, chill, study and catch up on some rest (my family aren't the quietest, I'm sleep deprived as I type)? Thanks!
My thoughts on to go or not go would be to go if your grades in the classes where you would miss the quizzes is high enough to absorb the zero for these exams. If not follow the advice below.
Speak to the instructors for those classes where you would be missing the quizzes. They may feel that the overseas trip is not just a vacation but educational as well. Should they feel this way they may be willing to give you a make up exam or some type of extra credit assignment to make up for the missed quizzes.
After talking to the instructors decide to go or not to go. Bring the study material for the class that has the exam scheduled for when you return. Take an hour each morning to study. Have a room service breakfast while the rest of the family has breakfast in the dinning room or a near by cafe where you can meet them after your study hour.
Overall I think family time is very much apart of a well rounded education.
I'm almost Thirty now, I've been married once when i was 22 years old lasted two years then divorce.
My relationships didn't go well afterwards . And now i'm in a relationship almost a year now, Six years younger than me, At first i thought it was going really well he wasn't that serious all the fun and passion , but now when he started to be more serious talk about the future and kids and settling down i'm all nervous and uncomfortable, not because of my past, well at least i don't think that way..But i know im not in love with him he thinks different than me ,,we have alot in common but still it comes some time i can't stand being around him which by the way lately it became more,But i think if i would be deeply, compassionately honest with myself.. i know we're over. But that is a horrible thought im trying to ignore it.Does that ever work? Pretending that things are ok? i can't be honest with him completely i don't know what i'm afraid of.. i don't believe that he would've understand that.. i feel like drowning little by little everyday.. am i making this whole thing a big problem or should i talk to him and end it,, and if i have to end it how am i gonna do that what should i say???
Old expression; "Once burnt twice cautious." I believe this expression may be part of the problem. Not knowing what broke up your marriage it is hard to define why you might be overly cautious about falling in love and possible second marriage.
There is noting wrong with being overly cautious with your feeling. The problem her is it is wrong to string him along when he has feeling that go beyond how you feel. You need to tell him that you do not foresee marriage building from this relationship.
How you tell him is, you sit him down and tell him you you need to talk. Then just tell him what I wrote above. You can go on to say you want to remain friends even friends with benefits if you want. You go on to say if he is looking for a marriage partner and want to leave the relationship you will understand.
My suggestion is sort of a cake and eat it solution that lets him decide if he wants to continue the relationship or leave it. Hopefully he will understand that it is no it him presay but the ideal of remarrying that you are not interested in.
so lately my dad thinks that my mum is cheating on him but it aint true. If the situationwas different i would talk to him but he s never in mood for conversations he only yells us and he also gets drunk. Anyways what hould i do
You haven't given your age though if you are under 18 and still in High School I suggest talking to a trusted teacher or your school principal. Your home situation needs to be addressed and they can get you that help.
A drunken father who constantly yells at you is an abusive father even if he has never hit you. THe proper agencies can work with your parents to make a better home life for all of you.
I am currently a freshman at State and I’ve really got my heart set on transfering for two reasons.
1.) Money.
I’m from Tennessee and I pay out-of-state tuition at MSU. My parents pay for my college and I don’t want them paying for me to go somewhere that I’m not happy.
2.) Comfortability
State is great and all but I don’t fit into the social scene. It’s a complete party school and everyone there drinks, smokes, and parties almost every day of the week. and honestly, if you’re not greek, there’s basically no way to get involved on campus.
I’m looking for a school that will help me grow. I want classmates who want to go out and have fun but know when it’s time to study. I’m majoring in Public Relations so I would like a good program for that. I’m planning on becoming greek also. But most of all, price is crucial.
I’m looking at University of Tennessee, Knoxville, University of Tennessee, Chattanooga, and University of Memphis as of right now. Which would be right for me?
I am sorry you did not like my answer. We don't know you so how can we say if one school or another is good for you. IF we did not attend these schools then we are further hampered in answering you they way you wish.
If you do not get an answer closer to what you are looking for in an answer then I suggest you reconsider my suggestions. In formed decisions are the best ones and you can't make those or should not make those based on the experience of others.
We can't make that choice for you it is something you must do in consultation with your parents. What I suggest is you take time and go visit the schools you would like to attend. You can do so over spring break and long weekends.
Talk to the students and faculty to see if there school is right for you. You may be still in your teens but you are the consumer and your questions to faculty and admissions must be answered if they want you to attend their school.
As you visit each school, and you should visit all before making a choice, make a list of pros and cons on paper. Then after you have visited each school when reviewing your lists one school should stand out. That is the school you should consider attending.
I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but I just hate school. I didn't always hate it, even when it was bad. I went to a christian school with extremely poor academics but a wonderful community for six years, then spent highschool in a competitive arts school. While I always had some kind of underlying depression and anxiety issues, highschool brought it out in full force. It was a terrible experience and I've told everyone who will listen that I will not re-live it.
I was pretty set on my decision not to go back to college because of this. I have never had a long term goal in life, the closest to one I had was to graduate high school, which I barely made. But with a dog and a girlfriend who I aim to do the best for, I realized I have to further my education in some way to get paid enough to thrive.
The issue still remains- I hate school. I hate it so much I feel sick and the thought of going back gives me such a fight or flight reflex that I feel like I should be medicated for it. The thought of putting a pencil to paper in a classroom while a teacher (or now professor) lectures about something, interacting with other students, taking tests- it all makes me want to flip. I despise every aspect of it, but I know I need to get over this to make money.
How do I get past this? Is it even possible to make money without going to college or trade school? I used to not care about being poor, but I don't want that for those who'll be living with me. I just... really hate formal education.
I am not a doctor but it appears the first problem that need to be addressed is depression and the related anxiety. Once they are under control. If needed medication can help with both anxiety and depression and is usually taken while you address the problem with a psychologist in talk therapy. If your parents have health insurance the psychologist visits should be covered.
You start by getting a complete physical and ask to be screened for depression. Your family doctor can give you medication or you can see a psychiatrist for medication. I suggest a psychiatrist to treat you as most depression is caused by the lack of 1 or more chemicals secreted into the brian and they are the best doctors to treat you. Make sure the psychiatrist is board certified in psychiatry. The psychiatrist will most likely recommend a psychologist.
Once your depression is under control you will see things more clearly. Once that happens reevaluate whether you want to give college a try. If so I recommend you local Community College. The cost is less and you don't have the added stress of living far from home.
Should college not be a choice for you them consider a vocational/Technical school. There are vocations that pay more them most college degrees and some only require 1 or 2 years of training.
I need help. I've tried to kill myself 3 times in the past week and it's not working. I tried to hang myself the first two times and i can't find anything strong enough to bare my weight. I tried to overdose even though I knew it almost never works. Now I'm getting sick and I feel horrible and definitely not dead. I've told all my friends what I was going to try to do. Said my goodbyes. I can't deal with telling them that I failed in even that. I've cut myself for a really long time. I've never been diagnosed with anything but I also haven't told anything to my parents. I just am confused on what I even do now.
Killing yourself is not the answer to your problems. You have friends and family that love you and killing yourself will do long term harm to them especially your parents. You are obviously depressed. Depression is manageable if not curable.
What I suggest is you tell your parents what you have tried to do this week. As them to get you help. If your parents do not, for some reason, believe or get you help you can:
Call 911 9f you feel like hurting yourself.
Go to the nearest Hospital ER.
Talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal. They must by law inform the proper agencies to get you the help you need.
I have suffered with depression so I know what it is like. Your perception is off because of the depression. Once in treatment the fog of depression will slowly lift until the root cause is found. When that happens you will see things more clearly.
Should I save up for expensive shoes, or just buy cheaper ones now.
If you need shoes go get them. You can save for more expensive shoes ones you have a good pair of shoes on your feet.
Remember two things about this purchase and other future purchases:
1. The best item is the one you can afford. Don't go into debt for anything if a more affordable item is available. You do not have to pay for designer label to look good.
2. Expensive does not always mean better.
Short story; my grandfather loved Sardines. My Aunt, his younger sister, always had Sardines for him when he visited. After one visit he told my grandmother they were the best Sardines he ever had and he didn't care what they cost he wanted he to buy some. As you may have guessed by now that they were the cheapest brand on the shelf. If you did you would be correct. I have found this to be correct on many occasions, meaning you don't always need the most expensive brand to have anything that is outstanding.
I need help with coming out to my Christian family, they are against lgbtq and really homophobic and don't accept any lgbtq and always say that it's wrong, but I completely disagree and need help coming out, so how should I approach it
There is nothing wrong with being Gay. Being gay is not something you woke up one morning and decided you were gay, you were born that way. IF you think about this you will remember times as you grew up that in light of today were signs you prefered the same sex. Scientists agree on this but still question bisexuality.
What you need to do is to try and educate your parents to these facts. You also need to educate them to the fact that your being gay had nothing to do with them or something wrong within them to produce a gay child.
You have this information handy when you tell them your gay or lesbian and you should tell them. There is no reason you should hide this from your parents regardless of how they feel about LGBTQ. You need to lead your life in a manner that makes you happy and complete. As a parent I can say that this is what we wish for our children. Maybe they will change their minds one they know you are gay or lesbian.
Hello. I'm 24 years old, a bisexual male, and I've never had sex with a guy before. Have had two previous sexual partners, both women, and both long-term relationships. I've been curious about being with a guy for quite some time.
My issue is this: I've been going about finding a one-time hookup or maybe FWB situation on Tinder because I can do so easily and anonymously, and there are plenty of people there that are not necessarily looking for something long-term or serious. I've tried this a few times and every time I've met people, but as soon as I start discussing with them and it becomes real and actually happening, I get scared and nervous and I back off, only to try again some months later, and rinse and repeat.
I'm nervous about letting someone I don't know that well in in such an intimate way, I'm VERY nervous and afraid of catching something, I'm unsure of how I'll feel afterwards...it's a mixture of a lot of things and feelings I'm not quite sure how to process. Part of me feels all of that is worth not having to wonder forever what it would be like, but I don't know.
Am I going about this the wrong way? Should I listen to my fears and hesitation, or should I go through with it in spite of them? How worried should I be about catching something, the situation in general, etc.?
Thank you in advance for reading and answering, if you do. It is appreciated.
To begin with I do not believe you are bisexual. Bi-Curious maybe. It would not be right for any of us to tell you to try bisexual sex or not. If you try it and do catch and STD or AIDS you will blame us. What we can tell you is if you were to try busexual sex make sure condoms are used.
I will also tell you that fears are a safe guard to keep you out of danger. It is best to heed your fears in some cases. Some times the only thing you have to fear is, "Fear Itself." Only you can decide for certain to heed or not to heed your fear.
My mother gets angry very easily, and yells and screams at me and my younger brother almost every day, although it is more often at me. I did do something wrong, but it is often very trivial (or at least I think so), like me leaving my sweater on the floor and forgetting to pick it up. She often says derogatory things to me, things like, "You don't deserve this", or "When you grow up, you'll become a stupid, useless, lazy person." She gets in my face a lot, but it has never escalated to anything physical. However, there are times when she is kind, and although she never apologizes for screaming at me, it's not like I have a bad life. My family is well-off, and I'm grateful for that so I feel a little guilty writing this. I know she cares, but it's getting a little too much to handle her moods. Even when me and my mother are having a normal conversation, it often quickly escalates to her yelling at me or calling me fat or telling me my future is going nowhere. I want to know, does this count as verbal abuse?
Yes what you describe is verbal abuse something you grandparents most likely inflicted on your mother. Back then there were not the safeguards in place that are there for you today.
You can go to a trusted teacher or your school principal and explain as you have to us. They are required by law to notify the proper authorities to intervene. Your local children and family services will come out and talk with you mom and dad if he is in the picture.
There are many reasons from emotional to physical as to why your mom acts the is way. Family services will see to it that you mom gets the help she needs to become a better parent.
Should thing ever escalate to where mom starts hitting you take your younger brother and go to the nearest Fire or Police station or call 911. Now there is a difference between a spanking and hitting. Parents are allowed to discipline. A hand spanking is not abuse. Use of a paddle,hairbrush, belt or cane is abusive and not allowed. IF this were to occur you have every right to call 911 for help and should do so.
18/F
So I recently started working at this shop. There are 5 other people that work there (different shifts) and I'm the youngest. I've worked a few times with the one girl (27 years old) and I didn't really like her that much because she was rude to my other friend that works there. Over the past few days of working together she's become better and I've been talking to her but yesterday she had a panic attack at work because she saw this guy and she ended up telling me he raped her when she was younger. I had gone through sexual abuse for 4 years so apart of me felt like we related a lot and now I really want to be friends with her. How do I start a friendship with her since she's 9 years older than me? I know for her she might not want to be friends because of the age difference. She talks to me a lot at work. I messaged her yesterday saying she can talk to me about it if she ever needs to and she said thanks and left it at that.
she being 9 years older than you at 27 makes you at least 18 and a true adult. At this point in your life age is but a number and does not have the same meaning in any type of relationship then when you were an adolescent.
What I'm saying to you is forget the age difference as it is meaningless as you are both adults. Approach her as you would anyone closer to your age for friendship. Ask her to coffee after work or just come out and ask her for a date. If she wants to be more than friends she will accept your date. IF not she will tell you what relationship she may want to have.