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Killing myself
I need help. I've tried to kill myself 3 times in the past week and it's not working. I tried to hang myself the first two times and i can't find anything strong enough to bare my weight. I tried to overdose even though I knew it almost never works. Now I'm getting sick and I feel horrible and definitely not dead. I've told all my friends what I was going to try to do. Said my goodbyes. I can't deal with telling them that I failed in even that. I've cut myself for a really long time. I've never been diagnosed with anything but I also haven't told anything to my parents. I just am confused on what I even do now.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Thank God you are still here where you are meant to be whether you can see that yet or not. You have a family that loves and needs you. What you are dealing with is a mental health crisis. An illness is telling you that you are worthless etc and trying to get you to harm yourself. As hard as it may seem you need to tell an adult that you trust preferably your parents that you have tried to kill yourself 3 times and need medical help.
They need to take you to the ER and you must be honest with them about the desire to kill yourself, the unsuccessful attempts and that you need help because your life has been spinning out of control and don’t want to harm yourself.
They will treat this as a crisis which it is and have a psychiatrist examine you and diagnose and treat you until you can see reality again and that these feelings are wrong and not true of your real self. If they have you stay in a hospital for 72 hrs or longer it’s no big deal because all it is is time to rest, stay out of harm and to help you repair your life and overcome all of this. There’s no shame in any of this and all they want to do is make you whole. That starts now by telling a trusted adult.
Your friends need this asses kicked for listening to you tell them plans and doing nothing at all to inform adults to get you helped. That’s the opposite of friendship and loyalty. Through the process of getting well you’ll find out who the real friends are and purge the rest.
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There's 24/7 suicide hotlines with people trained to help people like you. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). When you call, it says it'll play music while it reroutes you. You'll find a lot more help by talking with them as opposed to just asking for advice here. Life can be hard sometimes. Don't give up. Call them when you're feeling like doing it.
The thing with suicide is that we don't know for sure what's on the other side. Most religions say its about the worst thing you can do and you pay for it in the afterlife. If we just re-encarnate, there's no telling if the next life will be any better. There's lots of books that can help you change your state of mind, like "the power of now" and "the 4 agreements". Our life is what we think of it for the most part. I'm sure there's people way worse off than you that don't want to die. I'm sure there's people way better off than you that do want to die. Its what we choose to focus on. If we just focus on shit, all we will see is shit. I know its not easy to change the way you look at things, its gonna be a slow, gradual process. One thing that help, when I can remember, is "Never finish a negative thought." If you start complaining about something you don't like, don't finish the thought. If you finish it, it has way more power.
Thoughts lead to feelings, feelings lead to moods, moods leads to temperament. Ways of being become habits. If you think negative thoughts all the time, where you end up will most likely be a negative place. Its hard, I know. Once you have momentum in a negative direction its hard to get out. I've had my bouts with wanting to die, so I don't have to deal with any shit anymore. Death may be an escape, or it might only make things worse if you take yourself out.
Keeping yourself busy is a good way to not think the negative thoughts. Doing something creative or being in nature helps. Books are also incredibly helpful. There's lots of help on youtube. Jordan peterson and jay shetty on youtube have been a great help. Also a channel called "school of life" had a lot of topics around psychology and depression that I'm sure would help you too, if you would just watch them. I saw this quote somewhere: If you want to heal someone, make sure they are willing to give up what is making them sick. If your case, it would be the negative thoughts you constantly entertain that gives you the negative feelings that lead you to want to die. I know you can't go from doom and gloom flowers and sunshine, you have to gradually do it. There's this thing called "the emotional guidance scale" Look it up and try to see how you can steadily improve your mood.
I got a medical condition that made me want to die. I saw no point in going on living like that. Also, my living conditions were atrocious. Which of course made things worse. A year later, the condition went away and my living condition has vastly improved. It could be the same for you, you never know and you'll never know if you kill yourself.
Also, helping others and making others feel good is probably the best way for you to feel good.
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Killing yourself is not the answer to your problems. You have friends and family that love you and killing yourself will do long term harm to them especially your parents. You are obviously depressed. Depression is manageable if not curable.
What I suggest is you tell your parents what you have tried to do this week. As them to get you help. If your parents do not, for some reason, believe or get you help you can:
Call 911 9f you feel like hurting yourself.
Go to the nearest Hospital ER.
Talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal. They must by law inform the proper agencies to get you the help you need.
I have suffered with depression so I know what it is like. Your perception is off because of the depression. Once in treatment the fog of depression will slowly lift until the root cause is found. When that happens you will see things more clearly.
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