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A girl classmate likes me but im secretly gay
Hi, i’m honestly stressed during these days because i’m an honor grade 11 student and my family’s struggling both financially and in terms of health. I would like to ask if what I should do because a girl, who is my classmate, likes me and is public about it and no one has any idea that I’m gay. I do not plan to out myself any time soon because it is much comfortable for me to keep my sexuality as a private topic. I’m also an introvert, have anxiety and depression, and my family somehow despises homosexuality. I’m used to being alone or keeping things within myself because of my family’s hatred towards homosexuality and with my father’s early passing but lately, I’m worried about hurting my classmate’s feelings and at the same time, I do not want to be outed. I honestly need help and your advice could honesly be life-changing and will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and God bless.
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How well do you know her? Can you depend on her to keep this to herself. Only a jerk would out someone. I think you should ask her to respect your wishes not to tell and let her know that you want her in your life but not as a partner because you identify as gay. Explain to her your family's stance and probability of adverse reaction. I think she will help you and would stop trying to date you.
The fact your family is ignorant and unaccepting of gay people in this day and age is outdated and says more about where they are at as people than you. Unfortunately the truth does have to come out eventually but in a manner you can control. If they truly love you they will learn to accept you no matter what.
Perhaps getting help with this from a teacher, trusted relative or someone they respect will allow you to come out in a comfortable setting. I'm sure if they really love you that they will accept you and learn to move past where they are now. It's never going to be easy to do but I think once you do you'll be able to live as your authentic self and feel free.
If you just want the girl to stop I would tell her I really value you and your friendship but I'm not ready to date right now or tell her that you want friendship but not a relationship. I think she will understand. However, I think the best approach is to tell her the truth and get her on your side as a friend and who knows potential advocate.
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Since you are not ready to come out about being gay, then the white lie of not being ready to be in any kind of relationship is true. You do not owe her or your family the truth of how you feel sexuality, That is your personal business. I always advise those who are still minors living at home, to not say anything simply because they feel bad about keeping a secret, especially if they know the parents are deeply anti homosexuality. And some believe so due to the stance of a church they attend. If you say something at home, you then have to live with harassment from parents who truly believe you are going down the wrong path and its their job to train you the right way. Of course, since they are wrong, you have to pretend to be hetero until you become an adult or when you finally meet someone and fall in love. If you came out and told this girl only, and that you are otherwise still keeping it a secret and don't want to come out, then with her knowing and being attracted to you, it would be hard for her to not stay away from you. Just other classmates observing how she changed acting more like she is dating you or something would be enough to get other kids feelings that you must be gay and word of this could get leaked by a kid saying something to their Mom who knows your Mom and all of a sudden, they all know. So don't feel bad about keeping it secret until you are ready.
You could always rely on saying you are hetero but not ready to start dating yet, or haven't found anyone you really like. when someone is quiet,, shy or a loner, it's hard to know if they are telling the truth or not from simply observing them. So don't worry. If later in life, you are out and find girls coming after you that you don't feel anything towards, you tell them the same thing a girl tells a boy if she isn't attracted to him. "Sorry but I don't feel any chemistry towards you. or I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you will automatically like any girl who comes your way or who is interested in you.
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I would suggest a little white lie would be appropriate here. You can tell her that at this time you are not looking for any type of relationship as you need to concentrate fully to maintain your honor grad status.
It may not be much of a lie as I'm sure you must devote most if not all of your time to studies. If she presses you you can add that you do not want to start something only to break it off when you leave for college which would also be true.
As for coming out; there is no reason for you to come out to your family, friends or publicly until you are ready to do so. I would suggest you speak with speak to your mother as her love for you may override her feelings on homasexuality.
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