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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Since I was 16, I've been on and off with this guy. I'm 20 and he's 22. It never turned into anything, we were just friends with benefits. We'd kiss and stuff and it was just when I wasn't dating anyone.
Sometimes I had feelings for him and sometimes I didn't. Sometimes he had feelings for me and sometimes he didn't. It was always bad timing.
Last year we started having sex rather than just messing around.
Around October he told me he doesn't want to have sex with a girl who's having sex with other guys. That was fine with me. So if we start seeing other people, then we stop sleeping with each other.
But then he started getting mad when I was out late with a guy and things like that. I had feelings for him at the time so I did tell him and he said he doesn't know how he feels.
Anyways, about a week later he told me he likes me. He said he knows our situation isn't normal but he does like me, ect. He asked me on a date and all that.
It's been a couple weeks now and we've barely talked. I asked if I did anything, he said he's just been "lost".
So I guess he's unsure of what to do and that makes me unsure where I stand with him and whether or not I should move on.
Our situation is far from normal and most people don't go from friends with benefits to a relationship. What makes it more difficult is that I'm very close to his family. His sister is my best friend and no one knows about us as it's a strong Christian family and we've just been messing around. So I get how this whole thing can be difficult for him and he's never had an actual relationship.
So the odds are stacked against us. But I realize I really like him and I don't know where to go from here. I've been getting asked out by guys and I just don't know where I stand.
Should I give him some time or just let it go?
You said two things that stand out to me as signs that he and you may not have enough chemistry to make a long term relationship work, let alone marriage if you hope for that some day.
Here's what I picked up on: "Sometimes I had feelings for him and sometimes I didn't." and at the end asking if you should let it go, I assume that by 'it' you mean the relationship/him.
So, if you find the feelings are not consistently there, not very strong and that letting him go is an option, it's a good sign there may not be enough chemistry. Also there may be some kind of love felt at times, but the kind that it takes to make a lasting and healthy, satisfying relationship is 'being in love'. In love and love are not the same in my book. I love pizza, I love cheesecake but I don't have a relationship with them and if I had to do without them for the rest of my life, I wouldn't feel like a part of me is missing. If I lost the man who is my husband, whom I am in love with and he with me, I would feel I lost a part of me, I'd be depressed and I might have feelings of not wanting to go on. That is how hard it hits you if you are in love with someone, have great chemistry and lose them. You lose a piece of yourself and are never the same.
Since you are 20, you're still in the age range of gathering information on guys to discover what you like and don't like about guys. You are mentally coming up with a picture of what type of guy would be right for you, the kind you might want to marry and have kids with. That's what dating is about, it's not to prove something by staying together long term even if you two are not in love and not going to make parents and marriage partners together. So you're in the learning mode still. the only reason to stay indefinitely with any guy is if you've found the one who wants to marry you. Other than that, I'd say there are some things you both like about each other, but not strong enough to be worth commiting oneself to only be sexual with him or in other words, exclusive.
The fact he comes from a Christian family means the church likely has drilled into him and other youth from puberty on, that sex before marriage is a sin. So if this has been kept secret from Family he likely feels guilt. And guilt in the area of sexuality can really mess up a person emotionally...I know, I watched it happen to a girlfriend in church. She never got over her guilt and now has a disease ridden body due to her not being at peace. I know of others, just the one personally. His turmoil might be that he doesn't agree with the teaching of the church but doesn't have enough backbone to stand up and leave it behind and search for his own spiritual path. He may fear his parents finding out and over reacting like not wanting to see him any more. Or he may be upset with himself, battling the desire for sex while at the same time feeling it is wrong and upset that he can't stay away from it. There's quite a few scenerio's that might contribute to him feeling lost. For the most part, we all feel somewhat unsure or lost until we learn to define ourselves, something that naturally happens with most just around age 30, so as early as 28. This is when we look at what society expects of us and wants us to be, what the parents are wanting you to be, what the friends expect of you, and decide that instead of living up to others expectations and filling them, we are going to discover what we really want to be, who we really are...a time of self discovery and then sticking with it, no matter what anyone else thinks or says or gets upset about. Due to age, he's not there yet, of course neither are you. The only way you will get a better picture of what you like and don't like in a guy is to have dated several long enough to get to know them and discover things about them. A date here and there in between is probably not enough. And since he's been the main one in your life since 16, you are restricting yourself. The object is to discover if the first one is perfect enough for you to spend the rest of your life with, if not, jot down/remember the best qualities and with the next guy go for someone a step better in the areas that were lacking. If he's great but there are a couple serious quirks you can't live with rest of your life, move on again to the next one.Most people see and date several people for a good amount of time before choosing a marriage partner or long term love. I was one who didnt know any better. Marriage the first guy I dated who asked me to marry him when I was turning 20. Since I Lacked perspective of several past dating partners, i did not see that he and I were not a good match and yet i was married 30 yrs and ended up a verbally abusive mariage. You're really still quite young and have more time yet to explore relationships. When I divorced as an older adult and was going looking for my new life partner, I still had sexual needs and was up front and honest and told guys I was not going to commit to one person until I knew I had found someone I could be with the rest of my life. So I was open to meeting as many people for an initial date and if that went well, would see them several times. I hit it off with two guys as friends and there was good sexual attraction but they weren't want i wanted in a long term partner or one wasn't willing to get too close, but it worked for me, they became friends with benefits, knowing that once I found who I was going to commit to for life, they would no longer see me. If up front about it, there are plenty of guys okay with that. Since your friend isn't, he seems to at least subconsciously come to a place of considering you solely his/his property and doesn't want to share. that is unreasonable is he isn't willing to fully commit.
Lastly, when you get to the point of being sexual with someone, there are feelings established that are going to hurt when you split up...I've experienced that. But looking back now that i;m long over them, I am glad I was able to move on or I'd never have found my second husband. Don't let fear of hurt hold you back from leaving if thats what you decide to do. I hope these thoughts of mine help you clarify in your mind what you want to do. But if you want my opinion, I don't see any reason for the two of you to continue to stay together. If you can come up with a convincing long list, then stay. Good luck. Let me know how things go and how you decide if you get the chance.
I am a 18 year old girl from Bangladesh. I am not a virgin.I do hav sex 3times a month. I have period bt not in time and whenever I jump and walk alot drop of blood comes out from my birth canal what should I do? Am I suffering from prolapsed uterus?
From a female, I backup adviceman, that's not normal. I can think of only one other thing though. The hole from which urine comes out is very close to your vagina/birth canal. If you are not pregnant, the drop of blood may be coming from the urethra which carries urine out from your bladder and the only time I've known females to see blood come out of there is when they have a severe urinary tract infection or bladder infection. That is something also to see the Dr. about and get antibiotic medicine for. If severe enough, I have seen the Dr. give a shot to give more immediate medication to your system. At 18, is a good time for any female to start seeing a gynecologist for a once a year wellness check. If you are experiencing this, it's time for that appointment to have them check to see what might be causing this.
If you are pregnant and about to give birth soon, some women, not all, lose a mucus plug at the entrance to the womb that also has blood mixed in.
Or if pregnant but not full term, spotting could be a sign of miscarriage. All reasons to see your doctor.
From your response dragonfly, am feeling better,but wait,can that pain affect my period cycle...i had my periods about a week and a half ago and i dont think i should cramp.early and secondly what medicine can you advice me to use incase my situation worsens....
Maybe its closer to the point at which your body is releasing an egg, your fertile time and sometimes there is a pain associated with releasing an egg, I've had that happen at times in my life but not consistantly, not every period. There are other period disorders that can cause great pain and a Dr. needs to be seen for it.
In meanwhile, until your appt. try a heating pad or hot water bottle as heat helps ease pain for some people and use ibuprofen or another pain killer.
Good luck dear.
My crush, who is also a friend, asked me who I liked and I told him that it is him. Now he is ignoring me. It is really hurting me. Only twice has he fooled around with me (I think because he saw I was upset) but other than that he has said nothing and it has been two days. Why is that? What should I do? I am thinking of sending him a message asking if we can still be friends but my other friend says I should wait until after the weekend to see if his behavior changes. Should I send it today or follow her advice? I'm a high school female, just saying. I would also like some males to answer because they may know what is going on in his mind.
What may be happening is that this is only one sided attraction, only on your part. Since he doesnt' have those kinds of feelings for you, it may make him feel uncomfortable being with you if you are just going to sit and moon over a love you can't have. It is awkward. It may be something to do with his personality, why he won't explain better. I don't know of many people who warn a person that they are going to stop talking to them and explain the specific thing that made them want to s top talking and then actually stop talking. You are basically jumpping to conclusions with the 48 hr silence, assuming it must mean something bad. To apologize or beg him to still be a friend makes you look silly if he was not bothered by what you said after all and had a good reason for not having time to call or ability to call. So wait a bit and see if he contacts you, if he doesn't you can always write, not bringing up anything about what you said. Assume it wasn't that. So what other reasons could there be for him not being able to contact you or get together? Theres a lot I bet. And have you have to do is ask. Call and say, Hey I've missed hearing from you the past couple days. Wondering if you're okay and everythings alright. It's not like you so I am concerned. This sounds like a friend concerned whether a friend is ill or grieving cus a relative died. You wont' know until you say something but remember its important what you do and dont say.
hey someone please help..i am a virgin who was fingered just the other day..when my boyfriend did that i felt so good..two hours later i started having stomach pains till now like seven hours later. am in so much pain. is it normal to have such pains? my lower stomach really hurts
Fingering can't hurt your stomach. Since you felt no pain during, he was not too rough so your pains a couple hours later are very likely not related. If your lower abdomen hurts, there maybe something going on in your cycle to cause that. It could be some kind of flu, it may be a period cramp before a period. Since this cant be related to your fingering, it's best to let your Mom know you're having really bad pains in your lower stomach, most likely the reproductive area. I don't know if you get period cramps. If this pain doesn't go away, the parents should take you to the hospital. Let them know how long you have felt this way. They may decide to wait a while yet and see if you feel better or take you to emergency if it gets so bad you can't talk.
Hi Im a girl who's attracted to my boss. Im 22years old. I dont know if its crazy but I dont know if he's also attracted to me. Not to mention he's married.. He keep on staring of me. But I always break thr tension coz im too shy too look back. But I always saw him staring at me. One time I told my self not to look at him. But i cant coz he keep on wawalking in front of me. He still keep on staring at me. And then ine time his wife came at work. But I dont know why he have to look at me while he's with he's wife? Is he trying to check how am I going to react? But before then we used to talk. He's approaching me. But I dont really into talk. They told me that he might thought that I shut him down. Or what thats why he's not talking that much to me anymore he just keeping staring at me like im melting.. I just wanna ask is he attracted to me also even tho he's married? Or Im just assuming coz I like him..
There is no way to give a definate yes or no answer. Now if you had asked is there a possibility he is attracted? Then I could answer yes because in the law of averages, there will always be a certain percent chance that he is. Now why does that matter to you. He cant do anything about it. He had to exercise self control to not go after every female he sees in his life just because it's an attraction. If you were to have sex with every guy you ever had some sort of response to their looks, then it would be dozens about dozens, maybe a couple hundred or more. That's how often you'll find a man attractive. I suggest you start thinking hard about what qualitys you see, or think you see in him that you like in a guy. Over time, form a map or recipe of the perfect guy for you, by keeping a journal or list. Memorize it and stick to it. You'll want one guy who has the many different qualities of many guys. You will want to focus on the most important requirement.
Now its not a crime to stare at someone like he does...but it is rude and bad manners. Do not get in the habit of seriously pining after a man who is married. Use what you like about him put to constructive use in the journal or list I mentioned. Dont waste time hoping he is lusting after your body. Because even if he was, he shouldn't do anything to scratch that itch. Hopefully he's the kind of guy who will exercise good choices and use personal self control.
I think it may be that in fact you crave more the attention, knowing a man wants to look at you and finds you sexually appealing. Teens and young women have a need to fulfill their desires for approvals and support, attention, preferences for you, from males. That is normal in females, and often they will look for it in the men in their lives. Too often females confuse this need of theirs with a need to be sexual with the male they lke for certain reasons. Thats where you get into trouble. Do not ask him anything like if he's attracted to you. Thats asking for trouble. Assume all you want, fantasize in your mind at night if you must by leave married men and commited guys in relationships alone.
So I've been seeing a guy for a few months now. He's great and all but I feel like he's sending mixed messages. He says he cares about me, which I dont doubt. One minute he has strong feelings or me, then says he cares a lot for me. He says he's happy we are together then says he thinks we should be friends. He says he wants us to work out but then says he's not ready to commit. He says he wants to give me the attention and time I deserve but has to take care of stuff first and doesn't want to make me feel like second best. One minute he thinks its just the time (or lack there of) to spend togther then its he needs to take care of stuff first, then its he wants it to work again. I understand he isn't ready to commit and wants to better himself before he can provide a girl with what they deserve and has been hurt. But it seems he wants to be with me but doesn't. We broke up but were working on talking things out. But he wouldn't change his relationship status to single but made a comment about mine sating we were in a complicated relationship. Any ideas on what he's thinking? I ask him but he's all over the place
There is something he does not trust you enough yet to tell you or reveal to you that might shed light on why he is doing this.
But I agree with you, this is definitely mixed signal. Works, exactly as they are spoken, can't sometimes point to a possible problem. If you loosely translate what he has said without exact words, I could be seeing an issue that doesn't exist. With that warning out, I will proceed to tell you what scenerios went through my mind when I read some of the things you say he said.
" He says he wants to give me the attention and time I deserve but has to take care of stuff first and doesn't want to make me feel like second best."
2 reactions, 1. that he has other issues he's dealing with which has first priority in his life so you wouldn't have it. 2. Unless you know for sure he isn't, he may be married and separated, and hasn't got around to a divorce yet and can't marry you til he's divorced and free to do so.
"One minute he thinks its just the time (or lack there of) to spend togther then its he needs to take care of stuff first"
1 reaction This is second time you listed him as saying he says he needs to take care of stuff first. When in the relation, a couple learns to take care of things 'together', each putting in their share of effort into the relationship and sometimes that means each having a time when they are stronger to help the one who is feeling weaker or sadder. However it shouldn't be one sided only. My gut feeling is that he is hiding something from you. Something he is afraid to broach the subject of. I know of a few things that people have a hard time sharing, and it either falls into the catagory of mental health or physical health or more to the point, on sexuality. If the two of you are not sexual yet, he could be afraid you won't want him if he is bi-sexual and afraid you'd reject him so he wants to try to find a way to deny himself, or get over wanting males. He could be more Asexual and wanting/needing just the emotional connection but knowing he doesn't have any sexual desires within and wouldn't be able to provide that for you in a future long term relationship/marriage. He may suffer depression, or some other mental health issue for which he's not on meds or under Dr. care and wants to handle this on his own to get better which will never happen, cus one can't usually heal themselves of an issue like this wiithout professional help and this is one of the 'stuff he's got to handle' things he mentions alot.
"...wants to take care of getting a car and a better job first," The question you could ask is 'better than what?' what does he think insufficient to please you in a car or insufficient in a job? If he's unemployed or working PT at a fast food place, thats not enough usually to combine with your salary to eek out a living situation together. However if he just doesnt believe you'd be impressed if you knew what he really does for a living qualifies for something on "the world's dirtiest jobs tv show", he may think you'd no longer want to associate with him. Guys are often worried too much about impressing a girl, especially if a girl or two has hurt him and dumped him. If he hasn't specified what kind of hurt he's suffered in the past, it may not be what we'd think most obvious like a girlfriend. He could have been physically or mentally hurt (abused) as a child, the hurt may have more to do with negative thinking and a low self image than an actual act against him, and that falls into the realm of mental health and wellbeing. He may be aware of these and other shortcomings and want to somehow overcome them and be rid of them before he feels he is a good enough prospect for you.
"...isn't ready to commit until he's more settled."
Reaction: It's another blanket statement, saying some words but not really saying much at all. Reminds me of politicians, they can talk on and on and in the end, though it sounded impressive, when you really look closer, they haven't said anything at all, no statements nor revelations or promised anything. A person who has perfected the art of 'dodging'.
So what you can do is tell him you'd like to sit and have a heart to heart talk, this being if you are in love with him and find you want to give him a really good chance. If you really want to go through all of this and the work to get a commitment to just become your steady boyfriend only with no other future with him, that's up to you but doesn't sound rewarding to me.
Let him know that most of what he says to you doesnt reveal anything, like its statements to just passify you for the moment without revealing the real issues that lay deep for him. Reassure him he can share anything with you and you won't freak out or find him odd. Toss in a couple examples of the odd stuff such as I have mentioned, and see if he will reveal what's really going on in his mind and life.
Lastly, take a closer look at yourself. Look deep inside for what you really need in a guy. Example, if you are a very spiritual person, you'd have a need for someone who isn't anti spiritual, if you had a verbally abusive, alcoholic father, you want a man who doesn't drink, is able to control his emotions in all situations and doesn't verbally raise his voice to you or take his frustrations out on you. These are personally important to you. Right now I know of one for your list, "A man who is decisive (not wishy-washy)" Make your list, then compare him to your list. If he's a potential prospect for a boyfriend, then he needs to meet the criteria on the list, if he doesnt, then he can't be the boyfriend, just a friend. Then you move on to find your partner, boyfriend, lover and potential marriage partner, using your list. Stay true to your list, no exceptions. By that i mean "if like myself, wanting someone who upholds instead of criticized me all the time like my ex, I was on the lookout for a guy meeting me who might be critical of others even if he didn't criticize me outright, because from experience, its only a matter of time before he turns that on me. On a 3rd date with one guy, he critisized his housemaid and called her racial slurs. Thats all I had to see this to know I would no longer consider him for a boyfriend.
So hon, if you don't have this list of 'must haves' in a guy, you'll have nothing to compare the guys to that you meet with.
People change very little in their lifetime if at all and then the changes are so small that it doesn't improve anything at all, and won't help or matter in a relationship to finally make it work. So you have to look at it as this is the best he may ever be for life even if you hung around for him for 10 yrs and he finally decided to commit, he'd still be like this, wishy washy in any and all decisions you both need to make in the relationship. If you are okay with him the way he is, doing all of this until you're old and gray, then keep hanging in there with him and be happy. If this doesn't make you happy, meet your goals in life or meet the criteria on your list for men, then announce to him that you are moving on to look for a man who is serious about finding his lifetime partner and going for it. Since he isn't, you are not going to wait any longer for him to feel he's ready, but you will keep in touch as a friend and he will only be friend status. Hope this helps
So I have a good idea of what to give my boyfriend for valentines day but no idea where to buy the materials!
You know when they do football draws and use a round fish bowl thing and pull out different numbers on mini balls? Like this http://2012olympicsblog.co.uk/2012/04/olympic-football-who-will-represent-team-gb-and-what-are-their-chances-of-olympic-gold/london-2012-olympic-football-draw/
I was thinking of writing something I love about him inside each of the balls! So how would I go about creating this? He's a massive football fan !
I also thought about doing 52 things I love about you on the back of playing cards. What do you think?
p.s. I live in England so know suggestions like Walmart please!
Fish bowls and fish tanks have also been used as terrariums for plants but I've never seen them for purchase at gardening and plant shops. The best place to find would be pet supply stores. Rather than driving from store to store, get online and look for listing of pet supply stores in your area, find ones with websites and check to see if they carry such a thing. Or jot down phone numbers, call to ask and get a price too.
Other than that, I think both your idea's are wonderful. Lots of guys will enjoy his lady using her creativeness and coming up with her own version of a gift.
should i have sex with a gay guy yes or no?
Your question isn't one I can answer yes or no. The deciding factor should be whether you want to or not. You don't need to be gay to have sex with a gay or bi sexual person. Many people who are pretty sure they are straight will wonder and wonder, be really curious as to what its like to have sex with someone of the same sex. There is no reason to not satisfy ones curiousity. Not everyone is brave enough to do it, however I know a few who have tried it for the curiosity sake. In doing so, if you decide you like it, go for it, if not, stay strictly straight Hope this helps you.
If you have a male who is gay coming after you because he's attracted to you sexually and you don't want to do anything like that, simply say thanks for asking, but I am straight and have no interest in trying sex with a male. I know some people who have a certain look about them that gay men are drawn to. I had a married man straight friend say once that he is hit on all the time by gay men. In my life, I've twice had females approach me and ask if I am bi sexual. Don't let this spook you or creep you out cus it's no different than a girl walking up to you who is attracted to you, or you doing same to a girl. How will one know if they don't ask. Since society has become more open and accepting of gays and bi's it's a greater likelihood that any of us could be propositioned by the same sex. Hope this helps out.
Hyy...this is a girl...who was a fun loving grl..of 17 BT still survives much harder...my dad has past last year and now my mom hates me alloott I know very well that my absence and my presence dosnt make much differnce ...Im hated by evry family member BT luved by my friends BT bearing so long with my mom I m now tyrd destroyed fully so want to dei or leave or go smewhre far BT no money no courage no idea..BT want to leave fynally at NY how..where should I go what should I do...please help want to work I know much younger still want to stand on my legs if not suicide then...????
Hon, you need to talk with someone who not only is qualified and available to talk to teens about any and all issues but has the resources to put you in touch with for help. From your message, I am not sure what your problems are when saying you survive much harder and your dAD has survived the past last year. I understand you when saying Mom hates you. I can't tell if there are other issues that make it seem so or if it's 100% so, therefore, it's best for you to check out this one link I'm giving you which has specific crisis numbers to call whether there's bullying, eating disorders, depression, homeless or runaway, suicide, violence at home, etc. many many sites to work on specific problems. If you don't see one for exactly your issue, try one for stress or depression and give a description of your issue and ask if they handle that or not and if not, what number you can be calling instead.
http://www.teenhealthandwellness.com/static/hotlines
I hope everything ends up looking better for you soon. Thanks for thinking of us. ITs good you are reaching out, but I feel some of these outlines are better equipped and will know how to put you in touch with local agencies (your state or town)to help.
It is hard to take off and start to try making it on your own...I know because my young sister did that at 16, she looked older, and found jobs where they didn't verify age but it was a long hard road. That was 30 yrs ago and now the world is even a harsher place. You don't want to end up on the streets with no place to live, no food, hygeine, and people looking for young folks to use and abuse them in sex and drug trafficking is very real and they know what to look for when approaching those who left home with high hopes to make it on their own, stand on their own 2 feet. You stick out like a sore thumb and become prey to them. And that's gonna be worse than whatever you're facing now. So whatever you do, don't go it alone. If you are determined to leave home, there may be teen safe houses and other resources available. Who ever you call, you need to let them know what you are willing to try or not but be open to listening to their suggestions.
Good luck dear.
So, I have a "friend." Honestly, she has stressed me out for so long now, and I still don’t know how to resolve this issue. We started out the semester as basically best friends. But then I got to know her personality, and it’s the type of personality that demands that other people be pushovers. I am not a pushover. I have been a pushover when I wanted to get others to like me. But by nature I am far from a pushover. My issue in the beginning was that my group of best friends all seemed to like her and hung around her still, so I tried to ignore my negative feelings toward her. I didn’t want to lose my other friends, so I pretended to be okay with her. Still, I would make subtle efforts to hang out without her. More than once, she would manage to tag along when I’ve made plans with other people. And it’s hard for me to say no to her tagging along because 1) I don’t want her to hate me, causing my other friends to hate me and 2) I don’t want my other friends who like her to think I’m mean or something. It’s just that we are in so many of the same circles. We have a lot of mutual friends. I feel like it’s impossible to be rid of her completely because I always have to see her. I might as well be civil toward her right?
It just bothers me to be around her lol. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m the one who has to make all the personal sacrifices (reluctantly letting her tag along when I make plans with someone, especially if I’m crucial to the plans; for example, once I was the only person who would be able to get us in to a certain party, and I did NOT want her coming, but I didn’t know how to say no. So I felt used. She always makes me feel used, and I despise this feeling), and I hate it.
It’s not like she’s an evil person or anything. Like, I’m sure she’s kindhearted enough. I just don’t like her personality. She can be extremely selfish and manipulative. It annoys me to be around her. I always feel like I’m the only person giving, and all she does is take. I hate feeling like I’m being taken advantage of. I don’t think I deserve to have to put up with this. Some of my closest friends recently told me that they felt the same way about her. So that’s good, I guess. But our mutual friends don’t just extend to my closest friends. Most of my friends are also friends with her (not sure if they also secretly don’t like her).
I just can’t come up with any solutions. I’ve already started to ignore her, and we haven’t talked in a while. But a few days ago, she managed to tag along again when I made plans with someone else (not one of the close friends who also dislike her). Of course, the friend was the one who let me know, not her. That just annoys me so much. I feel like my only choice is to continue being civil and acting like I don’t come very close to hating her.
I would appreciate any advice!
Unless she lives in the same house with you, where she could overhear, there should be no way for her to know your plans with one of your friends. Stop planning large group things. Make plans with the friends who also don' like her. Let them know ahead that this outing is just one for you and them and Ms. Tag along is not invited. You would appreciate them not telling her they are meeting with you, even if she calls and asks. None of you need to answer her questions as to what they are doing tonight or on the weekend. Ignore the question and ask her another question to divert her and then tell her you're busy and have to go, and hang up.
It would seem if you aren't the only one who can't stand her, but that none of you have the backbone to take steps to ensure she doesn't tag along. After a couple of times of her overhearing your plans to go somewhere and saying, "Oh, I'm coming too!" ONe by one, all of you just need to say something about changing their plans. Examples: "Now that I think about it, I've had a headache that's not going away, I think I'll go home." Another then says, "Oh darn, If you're not going, then I think I'll go home too." Yet another says, "Party poopers. Aw well, I have something important at home I need to take care of , I've been putting off, guess I'll go home too." If one by one, you all say that, eventually she should get the message you guys don't want her around. Using the word "home" as your code word, there can be a preplanned place you all regroup at to refocus your plans and then go have fun, without her.
It won't be easy doing this with a larger group whom you are not sure of, whether they like her or not. Eventually tho they are bound to notice how you all give up and 'go home' when Tag-along shows up. Just quietly tell them, you'd rather go home than spend your time with Tag-along. It doesn't matter if they think you really are going home or not. But its their chance to confide in you without you asking them, that they don't like her around either. Only under those circumstances let them know what you are doing, otherwise one of them may leak to this gal what's going on and she'll end up following you.
Miss Tag along, may at some point find it really obvious and annoying and ask you outright what's going on. Then you will need to be direct but gentle at the same time. And you will have to spell out your issues with her. But I'd start with you not wanting to hurt her feelings so instead of saying something, you have tried to avoid spending time with her. You don't have to tell her of any plan you came up with. Then something like, "Now that you've asked, we are opposite personality types, I discovered that after we became friendly at the beginning of the semester. I am not saying I am perfect, we all have character traits that rub on other people. I probably have some that rub on others in school, and that's why all the girls in school are not my friend. We just get drawn to people like us. I don't find anything in common with you. And I do have a particular specific issue or two with you, but I won't go into it unless you want to know. What you need is to find someone who likes you just as you are without asking you to make any changes in your personality. However if it's quirks you could improve, that keep me or others away, wouldn't you want to know?"
Something like this in your own words. Just be gently as I shared, with pointing out you're not perfect either. If we come from a stance of being so much better than the other, then the words are not accepted as easily.
Being older and wiser, What I would do first in the same situation is to confront her with that kind of speech first, see if it makes any changes in her behavior towards the better. If a people doesn't get a clue or want to change, it's then I'd pull the sneaky maneuvers to avoid them.
When I was younger, I did not know how to talk to people without feeling it might be coming out confrontational, so I always backed down and said nothing and was miserable like you. At some point in your adult life, you are going to have to face a similar situation that you may not be able to avoid, where it becomes crucial to say something...like being in a job where you are totally miserable and the boss keeps asking you to do things unethical or unlawful and you do it to keep your job, but hate work now. These kinds of things are opportunties for personal growth. Learning ways to stand up for yourself, stopping of going along with behavior that is unacceptable to you. You can't tell a person how to treat or not treat another adult but if it's a young child in danger, thats another story. But you have every right to decide what kind of people you will associate with. There is no such thing as having to force yourself to be someones friend...what you are doing is choosing to give up something, your peace, etc.... to be taken advantage of. No one can take advantage of you unless you decide to give them what they keep demanding. It's even harder when it's a family relative as in my case. I have picked and chosen what I found to be true real needs and helped, but on other requests, I simply say whatever sounds nice at the time, I will not reveal what the real issue I have is until the day they ask me why I refuse so many times and they haven't done that yet. I usually say, Oh, I'm so sorry but I am not available to help. Next time, ask me in advance as last minute requests mean I may not be available.
Hope this helps you to figure out how you feel more comfortable trying doing something more than caving in. Good luck.
how do i find a gay boyfriend? and where should i find him at?
codycontreras
there are on line groups for every type of person out there, including gay people. So if you want to meet one, finding and joining an on line site for making friends and meeting potential partners is the easiest way. They are on the site because they are gay. It's way easier than just trying to find someone the olde way, like hunting for the needle in the haystack.
If he has a baby and I'm 10 years old, and he's 18 do you think it'll work?
Our first feelings of love for someone is a special thing to treasure in your heart but not always practical in real life.
No matter is he were a celebrity or not, any male 18 or older WILL go to jail for trying to have a real relationship with a female who is under 18, and this means no sex and no sexual contact or contact that could lead to sex like holding hands, arms around the should or waist and kissing.
Going through puberty and the hormones coursing through your body are going to make you extra horny for the next 8 years until you turn 18 and can have sex with anyone, not matter their age, even if decades older. For now, enjoy the fantasys in your mind. If as a teen you decide to have sex with a peer, please be careful, go to planned Parenthood for birth control before you start down that road.
Good luck in your life dear.
started using trigestrel pill on the 16th january and then had unprotected sex on the 23rd january but then took the Nerlevo morning after pill 3hours later..could i get pregnant eventhou iv only been a week on the pill
How much do you weigh? The reason being Nerlevo is changing their packaging to state that is not effective for women over a certain weight, 176, but to be safer, a top 165 lbs on the scale.
So if you're well under that, then no, you can't be pregnant because thats what the morning after pill is for, to cancel out any possibility of getting pregnant as long as its taken within 5 days and your weight isn't too high.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/european-morning-after-pill-norlevo-deemed-not-effective-for-women-over-176-pounds/
How do I lose weight?
As grandfather said, to increase weight loss, exercise should be included. To help out a bit, to have some direction as to what exercise would be best, its important to understand that according to Ayurvedic traditions for health, there are 3 different body types, each needing a different exercise plan to be successful. I am adding the link for you to read and see what you think. Hope it helps. Consistency in a good diet and exercise will make a difference.
http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/834217/ayurveda-exercise-how-to-find-your-exercise-type
So basically I'm a girl who has a crush on her female friend. My friend has another best friend who she prefers more than me- but whether it's a crush or love, I defiantly like her more than a friend. But I've never been attracted to someone of the same gender before... I'm totally okay with being gay, but I'm just not sure if I am- and I'm not bi because (as I've said) this is the first time, and I know that she's not gay but is supporting of gay people, so do I tell her how I feel? Or continue to be the third wheel as I feel really sad, I don't know... Please no hate, I'm very young (13) and please serious answers... Thanks, Lea Wills xxx
No, that doesn't make you a lesbian. A lesbian is attracted sexually and emotionally only to females. You believe yourself to not be Bi just because this is the first time you've crushed on someone. This doesn't mean that one special person of the male species comes along at some point in your life and you love them too.
Dont worry about how to label yourself because so many variations exist.
I have known women who called themselves Bi, who like many women and men, and married ones who love only one man, their husband but are attracted to many women, and even those who prefer men and will date many but find only one female that they develop feelings, and yet others who love only one man and one woman in their lifetime. Just a clarification: you don't need to have had crushes on or sex with both genders to consider yourself bi. If you simply have/or have had the feelings of attraction for both genders at some point, whether only one of each gender or several, you can be considered bi.
In my time as a teen, I could feel very close to a girlfriend or two, even acknowledge the emotional connection we have. That can feel as strong as a sexual connection but doesnt mean she needs or wants the sexual part or is sexually aroused by the same girl. In boy girl relationships, there are different connections, the emotional one and the sexual one. It may be just one or both. It doesn't matter.
I don't know how you know she's not gay, unless you asked her. Otherwise you may just be making assumptions. You also added she might be in love with another female friend? Another assumption. Unless she has shared that with you, you don't really know. So I'd first advice in your next conversation to ask her if she believes herself to be straight, gay or bi-sexual(meaning attracted to both, sex experience optional)
Once she's given her answer, you can decide whether to go ahead and reveal what you believe yourself to be, or just reveal to her how you feel. If she answers that she is straight, it might be best not to say anything. If she reveals she may be bi or gay, then you can share with her about your attraction to her as she is personally open to those sort of relationships for herself.
At this point, it becomes merely the chemistry thing with her, same issue girls have with guys and vice versa. Chemistry, needs to be similar in both people for both to feel an attraction. If only one feels it, thats not enough to draw the two together. She may feel attracted to you that way, she may not and yet still be gay or bi. I hope you understand what I'm saying. There really is no way to know except to have a conversation about it. If you are too afraid to bring up the topic, perhaps you could do the same as if it was a boy you were crushing on, and ask her out on a date, and clarify, a date like a boy/girl date except a girl/girl date. If she's open to that, then you may feel better bringing up the topic.
Good luck.
Hey so i have this friend, she's a girl and I'm a guy. She's my best friend, and we hang out all the time. The only problem is whenever we hang out, we always sit around and watch netflix. Most of the time she's not even watching the show, she's just playing a game on her iPhone. We used to talk non stop too, so I'm kind of depressed it stopped. Is there any way I can break the tension and silence. How can i bring the life back into our relationship?
Think back to when you used to talk non stop. Did she have an iPhone then? If she did not, and the talking stopped after she got on, then IPhone and TV or movie watching is the problem. If she did have the iphone back then but you still talked alot, then something changed along the lines. Somewhere along the way, it became preferable for her or both of you to watch TV instead of talk. If she isn't into the movies you are watching and on phone instead, perhaps she doesn't like the movies you're playing? Or maybe she is bored with TV and even iphone /internet. People can get addicted to things like that too. I believe when people are bored, they turn to the internet also. I have done that on occasion. Next time instead of turning on the TV, ask if you could have an important conversation with her. Ask her to give 2 hrs to it without picking up her phone and she can pick the time. Then ask her if she is really happy with where your friendship has gone. Share the difference and changes you've seen. Two people need interaction with each other and sitting in the same room not talking is not it. Even married couples drift apart when their attention is taken up elsewhere and apathy sets in. Doesn't mean things can't change back. Once she realizes how far the friendship has drifted apart, it's a matter of whether she wants to go back to the way things were. Because both of you need to be on the same page, wanting to and putting in equal effort. Set aside only a portion of each time together to get on the internet. Agree with night is movie night and leave the rest open to do things that you both have in common, like if you like going to the roller rink, or enjoy roller blading, bike riding.
If she doesnt respond to suggestions, try to plan a surprise evening, everyone likes surprises, give her vague hints, enough to engage her mind to keep her intrigued. As to what you both do? It could be anything, even a board game you both like. If there is something you both like to do, find a group of people into the same thing or interest who meet once a week or bi weekly, at meetup.com About every city has it on line. With info as to the meeting place which can be a library room or a coffeehouse. I've gone to ones concerning interests I already had or something I wanted to explore. A daughter went to one on energy healing. I've even seen one set up for moms with babes in strollers to go strolling together and meet back at Jamba Juice for refreshments. There's ones for board games, Hikers, bikers, and even new age stuff. Once at a meeting, it will be harder for her to pull out a phone, it would look rude to all there. She'll have other people to engage her mentally as well, a way to start to wean her off her phone if she's that addicted. That's some of my ideas anyways. Hope it helps.
Ok i am a 12 1/2 year old girl and I love a boy and he loves me too. Should I date him? Am I to young? Simone please help me.
If you both are interested in each other, there's no reason not to date. for most at your age, it isn't actually going on dates, but you see each other at school mostly and others know you're a couple. If you two really want to spend time together away from school and parents don't let you go off on your own with friends or won't let you officially date at your age, there's always the chance both sets of parents would be okay with their child having a friend come to hang out at the house. I know of young teens who have done this and it worked out really well for them. It's like having your girlfriend come to your house, only difference is he's a guy and there is those romantic feelings too. As the parents get used to him or his with you, they are more likely to trust him as your close friend. I wouldn't mention the dating word to parents, it freaks them out.
I have lied to my boyfriend his car handle fell off so I try to fix it with some super glue he came to my house that evening and asked me if I tried to fix his hand on his car with super glue and I stood in front of him face to face and I said no so he said well I'm going to call my son and see if he done it so you got a hold of his son and his son said no I didn't do it look at the cameras that you have at your house and it will tell who did it. So the next day when he left for work I text him that I did ithe forgive me for that stupid lie but he still broke up with me because I did it face to face if you truly love somebody you shouldn't have to lie to him you should tell them the truth what should I do I asked him for a second chance but he's not listening or even talking to me
Some people who have been burnt before or seen parents or others they care about burnt in a relationship, will have a low tolerance for something like that, and after the first exhibit of something they can't tolerate, they give no second chance. As a woman burnt by husband in 1st marriage, there was a lot of sh%t I wasn't going to tolerate. On my 3rd date with one guy, he did something that was a no no on my list and I never went out with him again. I had another guy write me on a dating site and lie to me. I caught him contradicting himself as to what he told me from day to day. Things he liked and such was the opposite a couple days later. I asked him why this was so, not accusing him of lying but he came unglued and said he had a right to change his mind if he wanted to. No it was more than that, he was a habitual liar and I didn't have to meet him and start dating to find out. So in a way I can understand his point of view.
If he wont listen, there's nothing more you can say or do. Just learn from this situation. And that is what dating is about, learning from each dating relationship and improving on the next one.
Now I dont know how long you've been dating, but eventually over time, we build trust in each other. If the handle fell off, handles don't come off that easily so something had to be wrong to begin with and you shouldn't have felt guilty or scared about it unless he's already proven himself to have a short temper or jump to conclusion and you feared what he would do to you when he discovered the handle fallen off. If he is the kind of guy whom you'd be so fearful of his reaction to the news, then you were not with a good guy to begin with.
My best friends mom is super strict, like she is now making my friend pay rent and for food when she can't even get a job yet, and her mom doesn't care. It doesn't even seem like she loves her at all. She just wants her to clean the house all the time. My friend is 16, and when she tells me about all the fights she has with her mom, I never know what to say except that I'm sorry and how unfair it is. Does anyone have any ideas on how i can help her?
I agree with all that was shared by the other advice-givers. I had another thought occur to me.
I am wondering how long this has been happening. If what her Mom is saying about paying rent and food has come up during the time they have been fighting.
And wondering what most the topics of fights are about. If the fights are over just this order from Mom, I can understand that. But if those fights are caused by something eles, another problem in the family or relationship that made Mom so upset with her teenage daughter that to punish her, or scare her into behaving differently, she reacted childishly and gave this order. Does your friend have no fights with anyone else in the family, only her mom? Just wondering if its still some of puberty hormones making your friend a wee bit more easily irritated or angered. I've been thru it and my daughters and if anything else started the whole issue, this is one likely candidate although there may be others. When hormonal, teen girls lash out at a chosen person close to her, a sister, a mother or best friend. If this is the case and Mom is not serious but just exasperated with out any clues of what to do next, and she may be major stressed from other areas of life, then a problem in the family specifically with the mother daughter relationship could make her mentally snap and come up with this. Otherwise, Its hard to imagine a parent just doing so. Even in tough financial straights. So there may be some undiagnosed mental disabilitys in the Mom and that need to be brought to light. The best way is to ask other adults for help, school counselors, a church pastor, aunts or grandma, or even your mom. But she needs to talk to someone she feels comfortable with.
I hope that whatever underlying issue brought this about is taken care of and resolved. You are a good friend to be so concerned for her. Now share with her all you've been told.