|
I'm in love with my friend- does that make me a lesbian
So basically I'm a girl who has a crush on her female friend. My friend has another best friend who she prefers more than me- but whether it's a crush or love, I defiantly like her more than a friend. But I've never been attracted to someone of the same gender before... I'm totally okay with being gay, but I'm just not sure if I am- and I'm not bi because (as I've said) this is the first time, and I know that she's not gay but is supporting of gay people, so do I tell her how I feel? Or continue to be the third wheel as I feel really sad, I don't know... Please no hate, I'm very young (13) and please serious answers... Thanks, Lea Wills xxx
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
It's better to get it off your chest and tell her how you feel. You'd definitely want to know if she did or not and only time will tell if you're gay or not.
]
This is a very important question that cannot just be answered at once. You are thirteen which means you are still figuring out who you are and who you're going to be and what road you want to travel down, so things can be a little confusing, but what i can say is nobody else can tell you how to feel or if you are ready to tell your friend how you feel, you have to decide for yourself. You do not know if she is gay or not, she is still young herself, so she is probably still trying to figure out who she is too. If you feel like you can't hide your feelings with her any longer, then tell her. If you would rather keep it a secret and you can live with only being friends with her, then keep it to yourself. This is your choice and nobody else's. Just know that whatever you decide is the right choice, it is still right. Let me know your thoughts.
]
At 13 you are just entering a time when you're beginning to figure out,"Who am I?" The process is complicated by enormous changes in your physical chemistry that can cause confusion about what future roles you should play. It's also a time when you begin to seek companionship and love with another person. The emergence of sexuality combined with rapid change creates a heightened potential for both positive and negative outcomes.
My advice begins by saying, while you may not be able to help how you feel, you are the captain of your own ship and you can and should try to do the right thing. Would confessing your attraction tend to add to or diminish the quality of your friendship? As you've written that she favors another friend, your confession is liable to create a dilemma and if she doesn't share your mode of affection, it could cause an irreparable rupture, leaving you hurt and even more confused.
The decision is yours and yours alone but if you were my daughter, I would tell you to put your friends interest above yours and I would add: At 13, it would be in your best interest to delay any sexual activity, homosexual or heterosexual until your orientation becomes clear.
]
No, that doesn't make you a lesbian. A lesbian is attracted sexually and emotionally only to females. You believe yourself to not be Bi just because this is the first time you've crushed on someone. This doesn't mean that one special person of the male species comes along at some point in your life and you love them too.
Dont worry about how to label yourself because so many variations exist.
I have known women who called themselves Bi, who like many women and men, and married ones who love only one man, their husband but are attracted to many women, and even those who prefer men and will date many but find only one female that they develop feelings, and yet others who love only one man and one woman in their lifetime. Just a clarification: you don't need to have had crushes on or sex with both genders to consider yourself bi. If you simply have/or have had the feelings of attraction for both genders at some point, whether only one of each gender or several, you can be considered bi.
In my time as a teen, I could feel very close to a girlfriend or two, even acknowledge the emotional connection we have. That can feel as strong as a sexual connection but doesnt mean she needs or wants the sexual part or is sexually aroused by the same girl. In boy girl relationships, there are different connections, the emotional one and the sexual one. It may be just one or both. It doesn't matter.
I don't know how you know she's not gay, unless you asked her. Otherwise you may just be making assumptions. You also added she might be in love with another female friend? Another assumption. Unless she has shared that with you, you don't really know. So I'd first advice in your next conversation to ask her if she believes herself to be straight, gay or bi-sexual(meaning attracted to both, sex experience optional)
Once she's given her answer, you can decide whether to go ahead and reveal what you believe yourself to be, or just reveal to her how you feel. If she answers that she is straight, it might be best not to say anything. If she reveals she may be bi or gay, then you can share with her about your attraction to her as she is personally open to those sort of relationships for herself.
At this point, it becomes merely the chemistry thing with her, same issue girls have with guys and vice versa. Chemistry, needs to be similar in both people for both to feel an attraction. If only one feels it, thats not enough to draw the two together. She may feel attracted to you that way, she may not and yet still be gay or bi. I hope you understand what I'm saying. There really is no way to know except to have a conversation about it. If you are too afraid to bring up the topic, perhaps you could do the same as if it was a boy you were crushing on, and ask her out on a date, and clarify, a date like a boy/girl date except a girl/girl date. If she's open to that, then you may feel better bringing up the topic.
Good luck.
]
More Questions: |