adviceman49's advice column | Page 195

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140990

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

I am wondering what I should do.

About a week ago i saw my dad on the computer and walked up to him and he was on his email. All I saw was the emails subject and it was a little bit offensive but it said "I want you inside me right now".

Once my dad noticed me behind him he minimized the window.

After that I just walked away and then looked back at what he was doing again and he went back to the email looking really shaky and nervous.

Then about 5 minutes later he came to me and said he will be right back he is going to the gym and left.

I went on his computer and checked the history and it showed his email address he was just logged into and I have never seen it before.

So I am wondering is this reasonable suspicion to think he is cheating and what should I do?

Your suspicions may be right. What to do about it is nothing.

You could challenge you father about what you saw and what you think is happening. He will most likely tell you your wrong and then you and he will have problems between you. He may even go to your mother and tell her you are a liar and trying to start trouble.

If you go and tell your mom what is happening she may be hurt or will be hurt by this news and could end up hatting you for telling her. For then she may have to act on something she may have suspected but was able to ignore without proof.

This is bad situation for you to involve yourself in. No matter what you choose to do you are the one who will be hurt the most. If your mom eventually finds out and chooses to do something about it. Then be there for her but do not tell her you had seen evidence of his cheating before.

This is what's called a damned if you do or damned if you don't situation. Regardless of what you do you are going to get hurt. My job is to try and minimize the hurt to you and why I have written what I have.

One of my friends was planning on attending a concert this weekend. She had asked me to come along, but I said no, because I just can't afford to buy a $200 ticket right now.

She was planning on going with other friends, but she found out that they were planning on doing something really stupid, and didn't feel comfortable going with them. She begged me to come along, and claimed that a relative of hers had given her a free ticket, which she wanted me to have. I said I'd go.

Then, she admitted that her parents had just gone online and bought me a concert ticket, because they wanted their daughter to have someone they trusted to go with.

I am VERY uncomfortable taking a $200 ticket. She told me not to worry about it, and not to try to pay them back, but now I feel like I HAVE to. I work part-time, am trying to save up for living expenses in college, and just don't have $200 right now. I don't want to ask my parents for it, because they bought me an expensive birthday gift and I don't want to take more from them.

So now I'm sort of in this position where I feel like I need to pay her parents back, but I didn't want them to buy me the ticket in the first place! What do I do?

Thanks :)

Just thank them for the ticket and the trust they have for you.

If they could not have afforded the ticket they would not have purchased it for you. What that ticket represents is the trust they have in you to look out for their daughter. That trust is worth a lot more than the face value of the ticket.

Trust is something you earn and is easily lost. You earned their trust and their respect. Trying to pay them back for something they did out of trust and respect for you in my book would be disrespectful.

Thank them for the ticket and that you know you and their daughter will enjoy the concert. That you will do all you can to make sure you both return home unharmed, happy and safe.

I'm sure you have worked very hard to earn their trust and respect. Doing this for them is a great way to pay them back for the trust and respect they have afforded you.

Enjoy the concert, be safe.

Well, ive been feeling really bad about it. is it normal? I mean i like guys im not into girls and all and its really embarrassing and im afraid of anyone finding out. Can you give me some advice?

Relax your normal.

Watching porn is not strictly a male thing. Watching it does not make you a lesbian. Much of the porn available to you has both sexes participating in sex acts so why would watching make you a lesbian?

A study done some time ago actually showed more women watching porn today then just 10 years ago. Among teenagers the number of women and men were about equal. so relax, enjoy the videos, you are a normal teenager.

I just recently began taking birth control because I am becoming sexually active and want to be responsible about my choices. I am 18 years old and on insurance that my mom gets through her job. My doctor told me that because I am now a legal adult I do not need to tell my parents that I am sexually active or on the pill. I am not telling them but it occurred to me that because I am getting the pill through my parents insurance and not planned parenthood that they will probably find out. Does anyone know how this works? I know it will not say what the drug is on a statement but it will list that I am getting something and then the questions will start. How often do insurance companies send out information like this? I would have no problem telling my mom that I'm on the pill if I was in a committed relationship, but because I just have a casual thing I can't tell her. She would never approve of it and would probably never let me out of the house for the rest of the summer. Thank you for your advice!

Quick answer to your question is no.

First: you're 18 of legal age and able to care for your own medical needs. Your medical records are strictly confidential and under a federal law called HIPPA no one can see them without your written permission, not even your parents. Now that you are of legal age there is almost nothing your parents can do for you without written permission as long as you are conscious and alert.

Second: As far as being on your parents insurance. One has nothing to do with the other. Yes your parents will receive something called an EOB, which is an. "Explanation of Benefits." What this is simply a statement of the account with code numbers for the visit. In your case the number would decode to an office visit. Who the doctor was you saw. The date of the visit. The doctors charge, how much they paid, your copay and any remaining balance you may be responsible for or the doctor needs to write-off.

As to what you were seen and treated for; your parents are not entitled to that information unless you give them that permission. Your GYN doctor should have asked you to sign a HIPPA release at some point after you turned 14. As for anything concerning your reproductive system this federal law gave you medical confidentiality since you were 14.

I would suggest that you call your doctors office and ask that they review your file to see who you have given permission to see your medical information. If you parents are someone you gave that right too.

Simply write a note to the doctor and stating that "I__________(fill in the blank with your name) revoke the right of My parents, state their full name(s), to see my medical records". Sign and date the note. Also print out your name so there is no mistake as to who's medical records you are addressing. Fax or mail the note to the doctor.

I'm going to be blunt and say that I am terrified of anything going near my vagina. I've never once used tampons or stuck my finger in there.

Until I was told to get the annual check up that all females get. I went to the doctor and she didn't even get the tip of her finger in and I was screaming. I was terrified and I'm still not sure why. She says it's some kind of trauma, but I've never had anything traumatizing happen to me. I'm just terrified of pain and discomfort. To show me it was okay, she used something to numb me down there and then had me stick my finger inside myself and it was probably the most disturbing thing in my entire life. I did not like it at all and I could never understand how someone could like it.

Unfortunately, she couldn't do the exam because I was so scared. I couldn't force myself to calm down. I basically had a panic attack-- again. I've had this happen to me twice now.

And I was told to get some help, and I went to a therapist, but it really wasn't helping. I can't NOT be scared of something. Being scared is what keeps me alive and comfortable. I'm actually scare of a lot of things, and this probably isn't healthy, but I really don't see myself changing any time soon. And I don't have enough money to get a new therapist-- and my mother's benefits only cover five visits per therapist.

What I'm asking is if there's anyway I can get myself to relax while I'm practicing with myself (my doctor told me she's giving me a year to practice, and I need to get used to TWO fingers). Is there something I can do or use that'll at least allow me to get over the heart attack of actually putting my finger in me? (I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, because it honestly makes me feel very stupid, but I need help) Mind you, I'm a nineteen-year-old female.

First of all trauma doesn't have to be a physical trauma. It could have been a mental trauma such as something that mom or dad or even a grandparent, as good intentioned as they may have been, said to you about someone touching you there.

When I was young my mother, with all good intentions, traumatized me against dogs. I was well into my adult years before I was able to overcome this and I do not even remember what she said to me; though it stuck for over 30 years.

If dad is still in the picture even though he may not be living with you. His employer may have an EAP program as well as moms employer. Have them both check to see if they do, most medium to large companies do. If so these EAP programs cover visits to therapist. The number of visits vary between programs. You should be able to use and exhaust both programs if necessary. EAP is different and separate from the health insurance program.

Once you find out if they have an EAP program, you are definitely covered under moms as it sounds like you live with her. Call the number for the program and ask for a referral to a therapist. You may be more comfortable with a female so ask for one.

Then call the therapists office and speak with the therapist before you make an appointment. Feel her out to make sure she is someone you are comfortable talking to. It is important that you are comfortable with her as you need to be able to quickly open up and tell her your deepest darkest secrets, if needed, so she can get to the root of your problem quickly and help you overcome it. It sometimes takes see two or three therapists to find one you can work with. So the fact that the first one did not help you is not strange or unheard of.

I'm not a doctor, none of us are. I have feeling that either your parents or another adult, well intentioned as they may have been, scared you when you were very young about touching yourself or letting others touch you in private places. Some parents do this to keep children from masturbating because they think masturbation is dirty or evil. It is neither but that is another subject.

There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself, or allowing others to touch you in those places for the right reason especially now that your an adult. One of those right reasons is a female exam by a doctor. These exams are very important if you wish to avoid some very serious and life threatening illnesses.

If you wish to avoid some of the pain of your first sexual intercourse, and not all first intercourse's are painful. You can ask your GYN to remove your Hymen during your female exam. She can do so painlessly without the tearing which occurs during intercourse and she can numb the area before she removes it.

I do not recommend you do that as I'm told that retrospectively; some of the pain that comes with the first intercourse for a women is part of the experience that later in life is cherished if done with a kind and gentle man. It is your body and your choice. I put the suggestion out there for you to chose.

My friend Jezz is getting married and I am the maid of honor. One of my task is to make sure all the bridesmaids have their dresses. I spoke with two of the other bridesmaids and delivered the news that Jezz said the dresses can be their choice as long as it wasn't racy and had to be red. Jezz had a talk about how all bridesmaids where to pay for their own dresses, Now the bridesmaids are expecting their dresses to be paid by the bride and it is causing a great deal of stress. Dress fittings are next week....

I don't know where these bridesmaids got this idea. Every wedding I have been a part of or attended, and their have been many over the decades. The men have paid for their Tuxes and the women have paid for their gowns.

This has been the rule for as long as I have known. Now their are exceptions such as a bridesmaid who can't afford to pay for the gown and the bride wants this person in her wedding. If a bride picks a particular gown by a specific designer and wants to ensure this is the dress the ladies wear she may offer to purchase the gowns. This does not seem to be the case here.

My advice is to tell the bridesmaids that it has always been the rule that the brides maids pay for their own gown. That this bride has made it very simple as well as cost effective for each to have picked only the color and left the choice of gown up to them. They can purchase any gown that fits their budget. You can even suggest that no one spends more than a certain amount of money, that way one girl does not out shine any other or the bride.

Im 18 years old and have only had sex once. I have done a lot of other things orally such as being fingered and muffed or giving a handjob or blowjob. But I just cant figure out why it hurts when im getting fingered or trying to have sex?? I thought in the beginning it was normal to hurt and that I would get used to it but im not?? Everyone tells me that they enjoy it but I don't. What should I do to get the pleasuring part going??

The first thought that comes to mind is that only having had sex one time your vaginal muscles have not had time to learn to relax and accept a penis. Also even though you are 18 and of legal age; now entitled to have a sex life if you want one, you still fear parental retribution if they find out you are sexually active. My wife had this problem up until we married and she was 22 when we met.

There is also the size of the boys penis. They say size matters and the bigger the better. That may not be so for someone who is nearly a virgin.

Average Vagina Size
Relaxed
Length 3 1/2 to 4 inches
Diameter 1 Inch
Aroused
Length ("tented) 5 to 6 inches
Diameter 1 1/2 to 2 inches

Looking at the discretion of the average size of a vagina. Any male over 6" in length and over 2" in diameter is going to have a hard time penetrating a virgin or someone who has not engaged in many sex acts and learned to relax her vaginal muscles. Also the male needs to be gentle in his approach if he is overly large. This male needs take his time trying to enter you. I have a feeling your first time was not very comfortable or enjoyable for you which may be the cause of your anxieties.

As for fingering you and pain associated with it. My best guess is anxiety on your part causing the muscles in your vagina to spasm and lock up. If there is no pain while you finger yourself while masturbating then I am probably on target.

Before you go running of to your GYN for help with this. Try buying some different sized vibrators to use while masturbating. IF you can insert the vibrators without problem and learn to control your vaginal muscles you should be able to get over the anxiety of having intercourse.

One big reason for anxiety is the fear of pregnancy. As I said earlier, your are 18 now and of legal age. You can and should be on some form of birth control. You do not need parental permission any longer for any medical procedure or to see any doctor. So ask your GYN for birth control medication that you and the doctor feel is right for you.

Next make sure the boy uses a condom. This not only adds another layer of protection, no pun intended, against pregnancy, but protects you from many, but not all STDS and the HIV/AID virus. Remember when you have unprotected sex with someone you are having sex with all those that have come before you that have had unprotected sex with this partner.

If you make sure to use condoms, get on birth control if you are not already on them. Masturbate to learn to relax you should be able to overcome this problem. IF none of this works then you should consult your GYN.

control OVER MASTURBATION

First of all masturbation is normal. For a young teen, especially a young teen male, masturbating four or five times a day is normal. According to a survey published just a short time a go over 85 % of us masturbate.

Because masturbation is a very personal thing it is normally done in private, behind closed and locked doors and rarely spoken about. Now there are times when masturbation is done with another and this is called mutual masturbation. It is usually part of foreplay with a partner before intercourse. Hand jobs and oral sex are all part of masturbation as masturbation can be defined as anything not being intercourse.

The reason you masturbate is puberty and the news hormones it has caused to float through your body. These bring on sexual tension that needs release. Masturbation is a safe and pleasant way to relieve this tension as well as explore your sexuality and your own body.

Through masturbation and fantasizing you find out about what feels good and more about your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with this and is all about learning and exploring sex in a safe and secure manner.

There is nothing dirty, or evil about masturbation. Most of the recognized religions, including the Catholic church do not condemn masturbation.

We parents are hypocrites when it comes to masturbation when we tell our children it is something that is wrong or dirt. For once the children are in bed we ourselves enjoy a good wank; either singularly or jointly with our partner.

So unless all you can think about and do is masturbate; relax and enjoy the time you have to masturbate. Your normal.

After having sex an usual thing happened my husband after ejaculation a few moments later pees inside of me could this help to in pregnant me or wash his semen out we want to get pregnant HELP!!

No your husband peeing inside you won't help you to get pregnant and may inhibit the sperm from impregnating you.

If you have trouble getting pregnant there are some things you should try at home.

1) Go to the drug store and get an ovulation kit. Follow the instructions on the kit to find out when you ovulate. Most women ovulate during the 7 to 14 days in the middle of their cycle. You may be one of the 20% of women who ovulate at a different time even during your period.

Using this kit will tell you when you are the most fertile and your best chance for getting pregnant is.

2) Once you know when you ovulate plan to have sex during that time. Refrain from having sex for three days prior in order for your husband to build up a higher amount of sperm.

If after several tries you still do not get pregnant. Since it is easier for the male to be checked; ask you husband to have a complete physical including a sperm count and a blood test for low "T". If your husbands sperm count, and testosterone levels check out and there are no other physical reasons for him to be the cause. Then you need to see you GYN and be checked.

Don't get upset over this. It would seem getting pregnant is as easy as having the fun of having sex with you husband. Unfortunately it is far more complicated then that for millions of people. Sometimes it is just a matter of relaxing and letting nature take its course. Stress is really a killer of many bodily functions and if you are stressing about becoming pregnant it very possible stress could be impeding your very ability to do so. So try to just relax about this.

I am quite a gym rat and my husband has no interest in any kind of workout or exercise at all. He is way too skinny for a guy and would certainly benefit from joining me at the gym occasionally.

How can I motivate him? Is there a playful way for me to show him that I have developed a lot more strength than him (I'm sure i have). I have also been doing some kickboxing and karate classes which I don't think he even knows.

Any suggestions on how I can motivate him? I'm not trying to be mean or vain. Maybe pick a play fight and put him in his place playfully?

One thing that won't happen is you cannot force him to join you at the gym. This is definitely one of those cases of where you can lead the horse to water but not force the horse to drink.

Joining you at the gym has to be his idea, sorry but that is the way we men or wound. So you need to find away to make him think it is his idea. He may be skinny but the question is; is he under weight or not healthy? If the answer is no you will be fighting an up hill battle.

One place to start is in his doctors office. Cholesterol is a problem for many of us. If your husband has a Cholesterol problem or is borderline in this area. His doctor will tell him that a good way of controlling his Cholesterol is through exercise.

Exercise is also heart healthy. Do heart problems run in his family? If so his doctor will tell him he needs to exercise.

We are coming into summer. This is a nice time of year to take a nice long walk in the country or in a neighborhood park. Try and set a brisk pace. Walking is not only good exercise but if the pace makes him winded and not you, say nothing to him. He will see for himself how out of shape he may be in. Then it will be his decision to get in shape and possibly join you at the gym.

If you are both good swimmers. Go to a neighborhood pool and swim laps with him. You being in shape it is almost guaranteed you will swim more laps then him. Again he decides if he wants to get in shape.

All you have done is to ask him to join you in some nice summer time activities. Just you being the cunning wife that is in all wives.

I'm sure there are other things you two can do together as I described above where you do not have to say a word. The activity is a form of exercise but masked by the nature of the activity. In the end hopefully he sees for himself the need to get in shape. For your part you are safely removed from nagging him, which will only cause him to put up his protective shield of stubbornness.

Hi Im 18 and I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year our anniversary is next month. we get along just fine and haven't had sex, we respect each other about anything and just last weekend my boyfriend and were at my house my parents were gone and he came over i played guitar in front of him for a while then we ended up making out but as we started making out, all of a sudden I feel his hand going under my shirt
Trying to feel my breasts. It made me feel good but at the same time I felt like its bad I don't know if I should've said something I mean afterwards he asked me if it was ok with me and also said he wasn't ready for sex but he respects me. I don't know what to think but I love him

It sounds like you have found a great guy, someone who respects you as a person and does not see you just as a sexual object. This is rare in this day and age. He sounds like a keeper.

Some grandfatherly advice is warranted here and since I am of that age I will offer it.

First and most important in any relationship is communication. One thing none of us are is mind readers, we have to be told to know.

You need to communicate to your boyfriend what your boundaries are. If you are uncomfortable with him putting his hands under your clothing he needs to be told this. If you are uncomfortable in touching him, he needs to know this. If by chance you have decided you are saving yourself for marriage he needs to know this as well.

You both need to know what the other ones expectations are from this relationship. You are 18 and I will guess he is your age or older. This makes both of you adults. The need to communicate is something you need to learn not only for intimate situations like this but for all other situations you will find yourself in now and in the future.

The person who communicates best is the person who moves forward in life the best, in their college education, their careers and in their social life. As children our need to for good communicating skills is not that important. As we grow into young adults and throughout adulthood good communication skills becomes very important especially in intimate relationships. As this is where people who cannot communicate get hurt the most and it is not always their feelings that get hurt.

Most important communication in intimate relations is the understanding by both that NO means NO and Stop means STOP.

My advice is to have a meaningful discussion with your boyfriend concerning your views on sex and if you would consider having sex before marriage. If he is the young man you describe I believe he will respect you for being open and honest with him. He then should, and you should encourage him, to tell you his thoughts on what you said and his views on sex before marriage and any sex he has had before meeting you.

I m 21.my parents were divorsed when i m 12.after that my mom looked after me n my brother.but from last 3years i m working and taking care if my mom and brother and also doing my graduation.i m loving a boy so much he too loves me but now a days he was changed.no one cares for me not my family or lover.i m nt happy.i love them so much but they dnt.so i want to die

Please understand one thing about depression; People suffering from depression do not see things as they may be. Their perception of everything is off because of the depression. Your feeling that no one cares is the depression talking. How do I know this?

Several years ago I suffered a severe depressive episode. I got help for my depressive episode. With proper medication and talk therapy I came to realize it was my depression which caused me to see things as I wanted to see them not as they truly were. You don't want to die, that is the depression talking.

You need to get the proper help so that the depression is not in control. If you are actively suicidal, meaning you have a plan to hurt yourself. Please pick up the phone and call 911. Help will be sent to you.

Otherwise call this number; 1-800-273-TALK (8255). This is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

I promise you if you call the hotline, 911, or visit your family doctor there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and you will feel better and see things more clearly. I am living proof of this.

Ever since last year, I've been feeling "not all there". I think this is depersonalization disorder, but I haven't been diagnosed. If there's medication for this, what medication would I have to get? I don't really want to see a doctor.

The following is from the "Mayo Clinic" concerning Treatments and drugs for depersonalization disorder

Treatment of depersonalization disorder may include:
•Psychological counseling. This helps you understand why depersonalization occurs and trains you to stop worrying about the symptoms so that they go away. Depersonalization disorder may also improve when counseling helps with other psychological conditions, such as depression.

•Medications. While there are no medications specifically approved to treat depersonalization disorder, a number of medications generally used to treat depression and anxiety may help. Some examples that have been shown to relieve symptoms include fluoxetine (Prozac), clomipramine (Anafranil) and clonazepam (Klonopin).

The drugs shown in MEDICATIONS are all class II drugs available by prescription only.

I typed "depersonalization disorder" into the search engine I use and a whole host of information was returned. One thing they all had in common is that this disorder cannot be treated with over the counter medication. You need professional medical intervention.

The causes of this disorder is vast and diverse which is why psychological counseling is recommended; to find out what triggered this. Once the cause is found, I believe that with proper counseling, the symptoms of this problem can be managed if not relieved altogether.

If you are worried about being embarrassed by what caused this problem or your parents finding out what triggered the problem, don't be.

Everything you say to your psychologist is totally confidential. No one can ever be told about what is discussed in counseling. You must give your psychologist permission in writing to tell anyone what is said between you in counseling; there are no exceptions. Your therapist is someone you can tell your deepest darkest secrets confident that these secrets stay within the room they are spoken in.

Trauma is one of the primary causes of this disorder. If,and hopefully this is not the case, you were raped or have been sexual molested or harassed and this has brought on this problem. You can tell the therapist what happened and it goes not further.

If you want to feel better you need to tell your parents about how you feel and ask them to arrange for you to see a psychologist as well as your family doctor. The psychologist is going to ask that you have a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for the problem so you may as well start with a visit to your family doctor.

(This is kind of confusing, sorry.)

So my mind is making me think I'm cross-eyed and I'm not. I really don't think it's my eyes. I can read and see, and even my parents say I don't look cross-eyed. It's my mind telling me I'm cross-eyed, and It won't stop.. I know that sounds weird, but what do I do about this then?

I'm not sure I totally understand what your saying. If your eyes are functioning properly I don't understand how you could think your cross eyed. That being said if you were my daughter I would be concerned enough to follow up with a visit to the family doctor and ask what he or she felt about a visit to a Neurologist or neurosurgeon.

Obviously your brain is getting signals it is not understanding or interpreting improperly. One of the two specialists I wrote of above would be the proper doctor to consult with, I believe, to see if anything is, in a sense, causing a problem with the circuitry in your brain.

There could be any number of reasons for how you are feeling. The problem is as I see it; is to find out why you feel this way and how to fix it.

Your 15 years old, old enough if you want to call the family doctor and make an appointment to see him or her by yourself as well as see the doctor by yourself if your parents do not want to make the appointment for you. Should your doctor suggest you see a specialist then your doctor can speak with you and your parents for you and with you to explain why you need to be seen by a specialist and which one.

I strongly believe though that since you feel there is a problem. You should be checked out by your family doctor and follow whatever instructions or advice the doctor gives you.

can you get pregeant from having humping your pillow

Have you had sex education in school yet? Have your parents talked with you about sex and pregnancy? If not you really need to have both.

The answer to your question is NO!

do girls have three holes?

That depends on how you wish to count them. A women has three holes that can be penetrated by a penis. They are: Mouth, Vagina and Anus/Rectum. For urinating, which cannot be penetrated by a penis she has a fourth hole called her urethra located near her vagina.

If you put anatomy of a vagina into a search engine you will see exactly where the urethra is located.

22/f. I am just looking for a person to tell me what I can do and how I can overcome this obstacle in my life. My mom is out of control. I use to be able to deal with it, but now I can’t. It’s affecting my health and I’ve already had to start taking pills to be able to be in control of my emotions. She is so completely and totally out of control and I can’t live this way anymore.

My depression is growing stronger by the days. My mom is like straight out of a scary movie. She does not work and has nothing to do during the day. So, she stalks me on facebook. Then, she calls me while I am at work to tell me that someone commented on my page and she wants to know why I’m talking to that person. Every friend that I’ve ever had has been “bad” in her eyes. The reason for this is because they take up my time. Same with boyfriends. Not necessarily that they are “bad” but she is extremely jealous. I am fearing for myself and for my children in the future. I want to get married, leave my house, and be happy. I want to raise a family. I have come very close to moving out before. I’ve been working since I started college. Every time that I have come remotely close, she has thrown herself into tantrums. My grandmother starts acting like she’s going to have a heart attack and they make it so dramatic. Then, they proceed to tell me that I cannot leave the house until I am married. I’m sure that I will be married soon. I have a boyfriend and it seems to be headed in that direction. But, not soon enough, as I need to get out of there now.

I remember I had a problem with my car once and I called my dad. She got pissed and started throwing things and didn’t speak to me for weeks. My parents are divorced, but it is NO reason to get to this level AT ALL. I called the man I thought could help me. I can’t even talk to my father without her getting jealous. I was at a baby party this weekend and I was talking to one of her cousins, whose about 40. We were just talking about careers and the possibility of me getting married in the near future and my mom tells me “what were you and her talking so secretly about?” OH MY GOSH! It’s like every time I look over my shoulder, she’s there, ready to attack.

She does not let me sleep in my own room. I have tried several times and she makes me go back to her room. When I am in my room, I read or talk on the phone until I’m ready to go to sleep. I can’t do that in her room because she’s sleeping. Not only that, but she’ll start asking a million questions. WHY ARE YOU READING? WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? It’s TOO much! I am a good daughter. I promise you. I don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and work very, very hard. My mom doesn’t work and I have 3 jobs to support her and myself. My mom stole my identity once I turned 18. I only found out about it recently. I pulled up a credit report because I was ready to find an apartment and it was horrible. I learned that it was her and decided not to press charges. I’m afraid that when I have my own place, she’ll probably go driving by the front of the house to see what’s going on. She’s THAT much of a stalker.

She treats me like garbage. She is always saying that I’m a bitch and saying things like “f you”. She says that I have ugly hair and that I’m not as pretty as she thought I’d be. She calls me a liar if I don’t call her during lunch to say that I’m having lunch. She’ll say “I thought you were working at 12. You were having lunch and you didn’t call me. You’re a liar!”

I need to fix my credit and pay all these debts before I can move out. I finish college in December, and then just need to find a full time job. What can I do? Is there any advice you can give me to move out earlier? PLEASE HELP!

Your mother is a controller and so is your grandmother. You need to move out either to a place of your own, into a roommate situation or a rented room someplace. You can if your college has dorms move into a dorm room. As a Senior you may even offer to be a dorm leader or counselor which would make your dorm fee less.

See a credit counselor to get help with your credit payments. They may be able to consolidate you debt into one monthly payment that will be easier to handle and fix any damage to your credit rating.

As for Facebook; unfriend your mother and change your settings so only friends can see your page. Will this upset mom? I'm sure it will but you are an adult entitled to your privacy. It is time you acted like an adult and be responsible for yourself. Also start sleeping in your own room. There is no reason you should be sleeping in your mothers bed. You are both grown women both entitled to your privacy and you need yours.

Go in your room lock the door and go to sleep. Sure mom may pound on the door. Let her, she will tire of it soon enough. If your door does not have a lock on it go to one of the Big lot stores and buy a new door handle with a lock. Also ask someone to replace the screws with tamper proof screws and give you the proper tool to install the handle with the lock and tamper proof screws.

It is not hard to do. Once the new door handle is installed take the tamer proof screwdriver away from home and throw it away. Hopefully in this way mom will not be able to remove the new hardware you installed.

You are an adult now and entitled to your privacy and your own life. The only way your going to get it while still living at home with a controlling parent is to stand up for yourself and take what is your right. It won't be easy, but you have to be strong if you are going to have what is your right. Mom and Grandma won't like it but they will learn to accept it. Next time grandma fakes a heart attack call 911.

In fact every time she fakes a heart attack call 911. You are not a doctor so you would not know a faked heart attack from a real one. Today's rescue ambulances charge for transports to the hospital. Once she gets the bills for, which Medicare will not pay for unnecessary transports, she will stop faking heart attacks.

If mom goes of the deep end and goes on any type of rampage lock yourself in your room and call 911. Don't argue with her don't try to reason with her. Let the professionals handle her. Once again a few visits from the police and medics and possibly a few days in the hospital will curb her tantrums.

My suggestions are not easy to do or to see happen when the help you call for arrives. It is a form of tough love that allows you to have the life your entitled to if you must remain in this home. Your mother and grandmother have no earthly right to be treating you as they do. If this is what you must do to retrain them as to what are their boundaries with you then you must do so.

Just a note here for your edification: I'm old enough to be your grandfather. I have offered my advice to you in the manner that a grandfather should.

I am in college 3rd year,a student of psychology.My overweight and my parents remain frustrated coz of all dis and it is affecting me...

I think I understand your question to a degree. Your overweight and this for some reason this frustrates your parents. Are you a little or a lot overweight? Why does this frustrate your parents?

You're in your third year of college which would make you 20 or 21 years old, well into the adult stage of your life. Questions:

1) Are you happy with your life as it stands today?

2) Does your weight bother you?

3) On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being really bothers you and 1 being not bothers you. How much does being overweight bother you?

Why did I ask these questions. As a psychology major you may have some insight into the why though I will explain. This is your life, if you happy that is all that counts. If you not happy that is a different story and would give reason to your parents frustration if you are not doing anything to loose weight.

As a parent I can tell you that we want the very best for our children and we can become frustrated when we see them wasting or not living up to their full potential. If you are grossly over weight you parents see this as you not being able to fulfill your full potential because of your weight and the problems it may be causing you and have yet to cause you.

Like it or not we are a society that judges books by their covers. If a grossly overweight person who is equally qualified for a position applies for a job along with a trim and fit person. The trim and fit person is going to get the job. Even if that person is not as qualified the likely hood is that person will get the job for other reasons such as insurance requirements. Insurance companies are penalizing employers with higher rates who have to many at risk employees.

Lacking a reason for your parents frustration this is what I see as what their reason may be for being frustrated are. Though if your answer to my questions are all positive in your favor then enjoy your life and don't worry about your parents frustration.

You are an adult now and the only person, at this, time you have to please is yourself. Later on when you marry, if that is in your plan, then the people you need to please are yourself, your husband and eventually any children you have.

Can a woman become preganant if her boyfriend stuck his dick in her butt and ejaculated in her butt? Is it possibble to be pregnant?

If you have taken basic anatomy in school then you would know that the only way for a women to get pregnant is through her reproductive organs. The entrance to these organs, her womb, an ovaries were her eggs are stored, the fallopian tubes where conception takes place, can only occur with penile vagina intercourse.

The anus is an entirely different part of the body, part of the bodies waste system if you will and not at all connected to the reproductive system. So anal sex as it is called cannot produce a baby.

It can produce an STD for the male and the female if the male goes from the anus to the vagina with out stopping to properly clean himself before entering the vagina. It is very much suggested than if annul sex is something you like or participate in that the male wear a condom to protect from all the germs in the anus. The male still needs to clean himself, his entire groin area, with soap and warm water before having vaginal sex.

I'm 17 year old male and I've been soo horny lately i noticed I've been looking at my friends moms and Iwant to have sex with an older female. No specific age. Just either a milf or a cougar hooker that will have sex with me? How can I find one that will have sex with a 17 year old? Pleaseeee help and I'm not looking for any talking out of it I'm looking for.someone that will pleasure me.. no specific size just white female. Can you please get back to me like with in the next hour!

I'm fairly certain the age of consent is 17 in the great state of Illinois. So finding a prostitute or Escort willing to have sex with you is actually slim and none and slime just left the building.

As far as finding an MILF your on your own on that one. While there are many stories on the web about guys having sex with the MILF moms of their friends. They're just that stories, fiction for the most part. Most women, MILF or not would not jeopardize their marriage for a few moments pleasure with a teenager.

Even if you were to visit a Bordello in Nevada you would have to be able to prove you are 21 before you purchase the service of any of the women. I would think unless a street walker was desperate she would have nothing to do with you either.

Prostitution is one thing. Getting picked up for having sex with a minor is something I would think they would want to stay away from. Besides sex with a street walker is not only dangerous you could end up picking up a disease you don't want or need.

If you can't find someone your own age willing to satisfy your needs. I would suggest you stick with Miss thumb and her four friends.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>