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Bridesmaids expecting the bride to pay for their dresses?
My friend Jezz is getting married and I am the maid of honor. One of my task is to make sure all the bridesmaids have their dresses. I spoke with two of the other bridesmaids and delivered the news that Jezz said the dresses can be their choice as long as it wasn't racy and had to be red. Jezz had a talk about how all bridesmaids where to pay for their own dresses, Now the bridesmaids are expecting their dresses to be paid by the bride and it is causing a great deal of stress. Dress fittings are next week....
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Weddings are expensive enough without having to buy other people's clothes for them. Bridemaids need to buy something that they'd be happy to wear (or get altered a bit).
It's different if the bride wants them to wear some particular ugly-looking bridesmaids dress. But that isn't the case here (unless it, like, actually is).
As maid-of-honour, it's your job to enforce rule #1: no attention-stealing from the bride. I don't know much about clothes and stuff, but bridesmaids should cover up. They can cut the skirts shorter after the wedding, if they want.
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I have truly never heard of a bride paying for bridesmaids' dresses. It's seems to be to be quite understood that accepting the honour of being a bridesmaid, will come with some additional costs (organizes showers or parties, travel and buying a dress.)
I have heard of brides offering to pay for alterations if the dresses are all the same (that way the bridesmaids know exactly what the cost is upfront.) But I'd be shocked if a bride gave her bridesmaids that much freedom to select their own dress, and then paid for it.
Frankly tho - this is a discussion you don't need to be having with the bridesmaids. It's not your job or your place to explain money matters to them - that's Jezz's job. If they can't afford a dress, or they no longer want to be in the wedding party due to expense of buying a red dress, that is something they need to tell Jezz.
I understand you wanting to take this on for Jezz - after-all it's her wedding and you are her maid of honor - you probably want to fix everything. But you can't fix this. These women are being cruel to bring their money woes to you (and probably because they would be embarrassed to behave so rudely towards Jezz). Jezz asked these women to be her bridesmaids. Their agreement is with Jezz. If they aren't happy with the terms of that agreement, they need to speak to Jezz.
Just tell them that your understanding is that each person will pay for their own dress and if that isn't their understanding they need to speak to the bride.
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While it would be nice if Jezz were rich enough to pay for all details of her wedding including the dresses, in todays economy it isn't necessarily easy to do. At the beginning when she asked them to be bridesmaids, tell she tell them that tho she wants them in the wedding, she cant afford to pay for their dresses, so they may want to consider accepting based on that. If she sprung this on them later down the line, I can see where bridesmaids might be upset. I have seen the bridal gown shop deal with all matching dresses or dresses of same fabric but differing styles. Going this route is expensive but each dress is being made from scratch. If it's still at a point where they can back out, on the gowns and stop the deal that might be smart. It would have been better to choose a swath of fabric at the store in a color she liked, gave each bridesmaid a color swatch and told them to find a long dress close to that color. Maybe the best thing if its too late is to split the cost at this point. That means Jezz would have to pay half the cost of each dress. And then she's have to cut corners somewhere else in her wedding. I'd say, she's kind of gotten herself stuck there.
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Hello,
I am getting married as well and my theme is red. They are also trying to change the color as well and I know it's stressful.
Ultimately its your wedding and your day. That is the color you chose. I have learned to let people talk and give their opinions, again its your wedding and you should be happy no one else:)
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I don't know where these bridesmaids got this idea. Every wedding I have been a part of or attended, and their have been many over the decades. The men have paid for their Tuxes and the women have paid for their gowns.
This has been the rule for as long as I have known. Now their are exceptions such as a bridesmaid who can't afford to pay for the gown and the bride wants this person in her wedding. If a bride picks a particular gown by a specific designer and wants to ensure this is the dress the ladies wear she may offer to purchase the gowns. This does not seem to be the case here.
My advice is to tell the bridesmaids that it has always been the rule that the brides maids pay for their own gown. That this bride has made it very simple as well as cost effective for each to have picked only the color and left the choice of gown up to them. They can purchase any gown that fits their budget. You can even suggest that no one spends more than a certain amount of money, that way one girl does not out shine any other or the bride.
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