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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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So my boyfriend of 7 years has been distant. I get the relationships have ups and downs. Things have been great lately. So as I was shredding old mail I happen to see 'Chatturbate' on last months bank statement. We have separate accounts so it was his money. Everyone watches porn, I'm okay with that. These webcam sites are different. It's direct interaction with people for sexual gratification. Needless to say I scanned the statement and found nearly $100 spent in a month for the site. Not small change since he doesn't make much money. I'm not proud but I did snoop a bit and found he had a skype account that I didn't know about. It was logged in so I skimmed the chat. He paid $40 for a for a private video from someone he met on Chaturbate. I don't think he's meet anyone in real life but the private chat was graphic enough to make me upset. The person seemed only interested in the cash while my bf seem only into the performer. I watch porn. I get wanting a hot fantasy. I've never personally talked to the person in the porn I watch. Never said thing to them like how hot they are and how much they turn me on. Honestly it's hit my self esteem and I'm a fairly attractive person. Up until now I had total trust in him. He noticed I was upset and I skated around the issue. Enough to ask if he's happy and still wants to be together. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I snooped. I said I was emotional and just feeling weird vibes. He assured me yes and he did ask why I would ask these things. To the reader, sorry to ramble. Is this cheating? Do I confront him with what I know? How do I trust him again? Am I overreacting?

I know people, even a couple who used to be providing the cam service and getting paid, it used to be a great way to earn money. I can't say about all guys who use these sites but I know that most don't have a relationship or don't want a relationship and just want the sexual release and the more interactive or real it is, the more rewarding or the easier for the man to masturbate. Others are addicted to sex like others are to cigarettes or alcohol or gambling, just can't get enough of it, even though they have a regular sex partner. If this is the case, it needs to be taken care of before it causes problems in a relationship.

Also there are guys who are not matched with the right girl or girl with the right guy. It isn't a matter of lacking on either part or problem with technique as much as it is a problem with the two lacking sexual chemistry or not having a strong enough one. I have the high libido and my ex had a low one. I was willing to adjust to his but I left for other issues more serious. If its the guy not being satisfied, I know both sides can cheat but men don't turn of their sex drive like women seem able to, so they are more likely to go looking for fulfillment elsewhere, in porn of every sort, including cam service or seeing other females on the side.
So what is the issue driving him to do this? In each scenerio, none of it reflects on you but can mess with your self esteem even so. So don't be afraid to bring up a talk about sex between you two. There should be some boundaries and guidelines discussed as to what each of you feel is normal and acceptable. Its hard at the beginning of a relationship to even broach the subject but if two are engaging in sex, it is important to talk openly about what each others fantasys are, wishes are, if they are totally satisfied with each other or need more. There is no right or wrong answer in this and you may be very disappointed with what you hear and heart broken if you have feelings for him, but if you lack the chemistry, have differing libido's, he is too uncomfortable to discuss it openly, or lies or feels it is important, there is an issue. If the two of you can talk and he willing to make sure that you are totally satisfied first before he goes spends time online with what helps him get to the place where he's gotten enough and its okay with both of you, theres nothing wrong with that. But you must take first priority and it must not interfere with his other obligations and such in life, like dedication to work, finding betterh work, taking care of the car, time for his family and friends, whatever else...
Males usually don't bring up this subject with their special female for fear of losing her, having her freak out emotionally on him which only distract from getting to what is driving him sexually, his wants desires and fantasies. Sometimes it can be as simple as liking a fantasy of dom and sub and taking turns. It may not be your thing at all so if satisfied otherwise, and he is allowed to work out those particular needs online, no harm done. Usually its not that simple though. And everyone is different.

So to answer is it cheating, if it totally consumes him and he has no real desires for you anymore, isn't still trying to take peeks down your shirt, his eye don't light in passion when seeing you dress in things he used to react to, it's more important to him, it is a way of cheating, as it is cheating you out of having a fully loving sexual life with him.
Confront with what you know? I'd have to say yes. Its dangerous how he will react but it's worth getting out into the open. Let him know that when shredding mail, you were glancing over each piece as you did to make sure you weren't about to shred and important document you need to hold on to, and thats when you saw charges for Chatturbate. You didn't want to confront him about it unless you could be sure so you did check online and found evidence. Tell him you want to discuss this openly as adults and talk about each others likes wants desires and see if the two of you can do more to spice up your sex life of what and perhaps agree to some boundaries and being honest enough to inform each other before doing something like porn instead of keepiing it secret. Then you should be able to built trust in each other. No, youre not overreacting, it is a common reaction but what you do from this point on determines the future health of the sexual side of your relationship. Perhaps you may find the two of you have too many sexual differences and its better to part, on good terms.
Hope this helps you.

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Since past 2 months, I have encountered difficult in breathing, fast heartbeat especially reach 11pm.I have encountered few times, awoke from sleeping and cant breath (just feel like dying). I tried to lie down, sit or stand but it just cant help. I feel like I am losing my breath in next second.This cause me worry when to night time. Hope can get advise, I am desperately looking for help.Thanks.

As we always say here, none of us are doctors. We know nothing about your situation other than what you are experiencing. I will say that since there is a pattern to this as to when it happens, if this is the only time, that there may be something contributing to this issue. I know its scary when it involving the heart or ability to breath but if it is a problem with the heart, only a Dr can verify or eliminate it as a heart problem after some testing. Perhaps you are on some medications and a new one is having drug interaction with the others, this can easily happen if its a new drug on the market without enough time out there to have knowledge yet of drug interaction problems and you goin to the Dr. and them hearing of this, adds one more piece of info that there is an issue so that in the future, Drs and Druggists don't make that error again. I have had problems at times with a pain with trying to take a normal to deep breath and it has happened at night when I laid down. I've been seen by a Dr. My heart is fine. My issue was caused by pinched nerves in the back. Until the nerves are unpinched, the problem with breathing pain in chest will continue. I've learned from my chiropracter what can help, stretching out my back to unpinch it. Sometimes need the chiropracter. It can be caused simply from the jolting of a recent fall, playing a rough sport, lifting wrong when moving something heavy. As you can see, there are so many possible reasons for one of the things you are experiencing. What if you've developed an allergy later in life, or allergic reaction to something new to you. It is very possible and there's no way to know until you are tested and step by step the most common reasons for your problems ruled out. Please go see your Dr. or if none and not insured, do the paperwork to get on Obamacare if in the US or in another country, check for lost cost health care if thats your situation and then see a Dr.
Good luck!

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I still slep with my mum

I am not sure whats going on here, since you didn't provide your age, the actual situation explained more thoroughly.

Sleep with mom can mean that Dad abandoned the family, mom couldn't afford more than room to rent and has her child sleeping in the same bed and the young child wants their own room and bed.

It could mean that mom is divorced, lonely and made the moves on her teen son and got him to start having sex with her and he no longer wants to.

It could be many combinations of situations in between. Although it could be a young teen with a parent in a very financially poor situation, I am more likely to guess yours may mean you are a male who for whatever circumstances, are having regular sex with her. If you are under age, she should not have accepted your advances or pushed you for it. If you are an adult son and started at that point, although most people would consider it incest, if its for sex only, not making children, it really shouldn't matter to anyone what two consenting adults do.

There is one exception here, if your mom and married and has a h and you are getting her on the side, that is morally wrong now as you are helping her in cheating on the other man, worse if it's your own Dad. In this case, you will need to seek counseling because you won't find it easy to just tell yourself not to do involved anymore. Your subconscious mind is engaged, with all the emotions and feelings involved there and counseling will be needed to stop this.

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I've been with my boyfriend going on two years now and everything was fine until recently. I am just absolutely bored with him and am wondering if I am with the right person. Recently we had to move back in with my mom because I wrecked his car and we can't afford to live on our own now or buy a car. So we're trying to save up for one. Problem being with that, My mom and my boyfriend don't get along too well. She basically is lonely ever since her recent divorce with my stepdad and wants me to live with her it seems like forever. She Drives him and me to work and stuff. But we haven't gone out and done something fun together in a long time because since its mom's car she makes the rules about me and him going anywhere. We're always at the house now. Not only that we fight because of our mom's. It seems our mom's get jealous when we're spending time with oneanother. My mom isn't so mean to him she just gets mad at me if I don't give her attention and takes it out on me. His mom calls me vulgar names and tells him I can't come home with him when he goes to visit his family and I've always been polite. I feel like maybe the stress of our mom's is making me feel this way and the fact that we haven't been in a date since the accident in November is pulling us apart. I don't know what to do. I think I'm just scared of dealing with his mom (who is very abusive) and my mom (who's smothering) . I love him but I feel bored and am wondering if we should call it quits or not.

While it is nice to have a parents blessing on your relationship and be well treated as a couple, it isn't always going to happen in reality.

Parents, though adults, doesnt mean they are necessarily mature or capable of making good decisions in their world including treatment of family. If it is exactly as you describe and both moms get jealous for attention, that is not a normal process in life to get stuck at and stay at. Parents need to learn to let their adult children go to live their own lives and they now take a back seat in importance. So it would seem neither mom has a life of their own and may have made their lives circle around simply being a mom, nothing else, so when kids are no longer needing parenting, they feel they no longer have purpose or become jealous and act like a child.

It takes having strength of character and some backbone to stand up to interfering parents. Since you are living with yours for financial reasions, while under the roof of parents, a parent can legally call the shots as to what occurs under their roof, even to adult children or anyone who may end up living under their roof such as if she
Life will always bring hardships to people and it can put stress on people. When part of a relationship though, it shouldn't be a given that it will pull the two apart and ruin the relationship. If there is a depth of love for the other person, you feel like you'd be missing an arm or leg to be separate from him, then obviously the two of you must make plans that enable you both to stay together. If this stressful situation is showing you both that you're not ready to be in a relationship and handle all that comes with it, or that you two are not in love with each other, then of course part ways.
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO...don't part ways because the parents make it difficult. I assume you're both working, to be able to save up for things. If you were able to pay for an apt before but had no money left over to save up, then the solution is to cut down on costs and the biggest is housing. Would you be able to save up if paying for only half the rent in a 2 bedroom apt? If so, you may want to consider that. Many people find themselves forced to find cheaper living places to be able to save up, myself included. It is a sign of the times, middle class disappearing and the economy such that those who aren't rich keep having to scratch out a living on less and less. Costs go up and incomes don't. My income is the same or less than it was 30 years ago and things are more expensive today. Economy isn't going to improve to the point that you can get ahead easily so you have to become more crafty in how you budget your incomes to live on.
I know its not preferable to have to live with another couple. So if you look into ads, perhaps someone had a mothe-inlaw apt in their home for a fraction of what normal rent would be or you advertise to find another young couple like yourself who also need to share an apt. to be able to afford rent together. Neither need have an apartment yet, just meet, get to know the people and if you can get along, then all four save up to go in on an apt together, applying together with landlord. That the only solution I see to you staying together without hassle. Perhaps you have other relatives near enough to where you work so you can take a bus to work. I know it's crappy to not have a vehicle. Check into car share too. Some big cities are starting up companys where that is possible. Perhaps who ever you live with needs a car too and you can make an agreement for paying together to get a car to share together until you can purchase your own, at which point the other couple pays you back your portion of the investment to keep it or its sold and the money split. But this cooperation takes a mature couple. Most people put out ads to take in a renter who is a single college age person so it isn't easy to find cheap housing for couples unless you take control and put out ads in on line venues, at colleges where a couple may be looking for a place together, etc..
I wish you both the best.

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Should i still continue taking triphasil because i finished my first pack and then got my periods yesterday 7 february but the cramps was so severe that i had to go to a chemist and they gave me ponstel which i should take 3 times a day until the pain goes away so i just wanted to know if i should still continue using triphasil birth control pill eventhou im taking ponstel for my period cramps

Never change or stop a birth control method without your Drs knowledge and recommendation of something else to replace it if needed. You may not be covered for pregnancy prevention. I looked up side effects to triphasil and under the severe ones, is listed heavy stomach cramps so that warrants making an appointment with your Dr. to talk about the effect its having on you, especially if you've never had cramping before or at least never severely until taking this drug. It could be indication of a reaction to it. Again it might not be and just a coincidence with something else affecting you. But the timing makes it suspicous.

If you are worried about drug interaction and if its okay to take the two together, the only way to really know if for the chemist, head pharmacist to have been told by you what medication you were taking. Its not too late to call the chemist and ask, give the spelling of both medications and see what they say. I found a link for drug interactions but there's no way to know if this one has some of the same ingrediants that others named have and could be bad to take or not.

So, my solution, ask your chemist and if told to stop it, ask what you can take in meanwhile for relieving the pain.
Next, call your Dr and make an appt and tell the person on the phone Why you are making the appointment. Dr offices can be busy and if they don't have an opening until a month from now, they need to know this isn't some routine thing but an issue that you need to see Dr. sooner than later for. I've been given an appt 3 weeks out and told the scheduler of the severity of my problem and they checked with the Drs med. assistant and had them come back saying they'd fit me in sooner or to call daily to see if anyone has canceled their appt. Here are the links I looked up:


http://www.drugs.com/sfx/triphasil-side-effects.html


http://www.drugs.com/drug-interactions/mefenamic-acid,ponstel.html

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HI, I'm 13 years old. My parents won't buy anything for me or even let me buy anything with my own money, I don't know what to do. My parents say they don't want to spoil me and say that I'm a brat just for asking. But also, how will I learn to manage money if I can't make a mistake while learning how to. I only have 43 dollars and I've been saving that up like my whole life, and when I ask my dad for something and present him with the money, he thinks I stole the money. PLEASE HELP.

It might help to have an example as to what they won't allow you to spend your own money on, as that seems unreasonable as you stated. Lets say you wanted to get a small tattoo with money you saved up, I can see a parent having an issue with that. Even though its not anything terrible but those are the kinds of decisions you should be making when older, an adult yourself at 18. If you are simply wanting to pay your own way to go to the movies several times with friends, they may not want you to spend money on something that you later have nothing to show for it.
Somehow, I don't think there is good communication on either side. If the money you have has been collected over time as birthday and Christmas gifts, I am sure it has all been forgotten by Dad. He needs to be aware this is your gift money you've been saving hard and you want to be able to use your own money to purchase something. Why he would instantly think you stole money when you show it to him sounds absolutely nuts. Unless he as a kid stole and is thinking all kids do or he's heard from his close friends that all their kids a bit older than you have been stealing and breaking rules and doing wrong for years, he may think all teens do. Perhaps an older sibling has gotten into trouble that way. It is not fair to judge you by a standard that doesnt apply to you. If there is information missing that you think may be helpful, write back to me at my column and mention you're the kid with the 43 dollars saved so i know who I am answering as there is no identifying info to know who you are otherwise.

You didn't mention Mom and what she specifically has to say. Is Dad like this with everyone in the family? Perhaps he has a controlling personality and in that case, he won't just treat you that way but everyone in other situations, making assumptions and ordering others what to do, not to do. If Mom keeps silent and never interfere's she may do so to keep the peace if he is controlling. As you can see, there are many possible reason why this can be happening, a controlling behavior being one of them but i Can't really know and help better unless i know a little more.

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Hey so listen, I know all those relationship questions were posted on my feed, but let me explain. "C" and I are best friends, and sometimes I feel a pull into loving her the way I used to, but I immediately pull back from it, reminding myself of the way she hurt my by leading me on so much. Lately I think she has begun to develop feelings for me, and we always hang out, but I have no intention of being together with her. With "K", we haven't talked in a few weeks, I think like a month. I doubt we will date. What I had with "C" was special, different, but it's been changed, for reasons I cannot explain. With "A" it's new and I really like her a lot, but we have only met twice and I want to know her more, considering I never really got to talk to her that much at the party with all of the other guys crowding around her. I am talking to her now, and I want to know how I can make her see that I'm different from the rest of the guys, Im not like the other assholes. I know about that whole "touch a woman's heart" thing, but I want to know how to do it. What I have with her is so amazing, and I don't want to lose it. I'm fourteen by the way, I thought you asked in your answer to my question (thank you btw :D) but please, how can I be the prince that can make her dreams come true? Cause honestly, that's all I really care about.

I commend you at 14 for being wise enough and willing to learn how to impress a young lady. This works for females of any age. I will post the quote again with the answers for each step.

http://www.ehow.com/way_5394391_mean-touch-souls.html

Touch a woman’s mind-you get her interest. I will share my own experience with a dating site before meeting my 2nd husband that way. It will make this point very clear to you. Imagine how hard it is to get a female interested enough to respond to you when you write them. To catch her interest, you have to get her mind involved, thinking about something you said. So what do you say? I spelled it out for the males in profile. Made a list of what things I liked had interest in cus of course I want someone who has something in common with me, doesn't have to be all, I even spelled out what I was looking for in a guy and lastly told them if they write me to mention something from my profile that they read, or what we have in common or how they might meet my criteria. 9 out of 10 guys could not do that. Or would not do that. Do you know what message that send to the female? If the guy couldnt be bothered to spend the time listening to me and learning what I liked and to comment on it and how he has similar interests, WITH examples he can share, then the guy doesn't really have a strong enough interest in learning to become my closest friend. His interest is only skin deep. Meaning he is more interested in just what she can do for him not what he can do for her.It's more of a lustful thing, not love. Females want love first before being ready or willing for the sexual part. 9 out of 10 guys (mind you...adult men ranging from 20s to 60s) in their opening sentence to me, referred to my looks, my body with how sexy, hot looking it was and an invite to hop in bed with them. While women love compliments, its very unwise to make that your central comment when first meeting or trying to win her over. Compliments are still great, just avoid that one as it sends the message you are after her only for her looks whether true or not. I'm no prude, so don't get me wrong. In my 50s, still have high sex drive with my husband and I understand that the romance and sexual side of a relationship is just as important as the two being able to be best friends. So when I went searching, it had to be someone I had things in common with on that side too. So bring up anything you do know about her, if this is the one who did volunteer work, ask her who she liked it. Was it her idea to do it. Many churches do volunteer work, find out if she goes to a church, which one, don't know if she goes to the same school you may have that and certain teachers in common. Once talking, ask her about herself. People like to talk about themselves, it validates who they are as a person for someone else to find them interesting, their favorite anything, food, music,book genre, etc... Listen to her answers, lets say she's got a thing for action hero movies, you could mention your favorite hero movie and then ask hers. The guy she'll have more to think about and remember even if she danced with lot of others, is the one who took the time to learn what she thinks, how she believes, what her strengths are, goals, morals, etc...


Touch a woman’s heart—you get her love.
Sometimes, its a chain reaction thing. If you do step one correctly and touch her mind, you can easily have touched her heart that you cared enough to find out who she was on the in side, but don't stop there. Think! When have you heard an adult saying, "Oh, that touched my heart" Its usually in connection to what someone else had done for them, an action they have taken. And it's almost always something unexpected, meaning they did not ask the person to help. Example: Lets say she's into painting, does so often and has showed you her art work. You notice by looking at her paints that she is almost out of white and yellow is running low. You take note that its acrylic, not oil, and what brand she uses and next time you see her, you bring her those paints to replace what she was low on. I understand you may not have money to buy things but the same can happen in acts of service, helpful handy things. Her dad doesnt have the time to fix her flat bike tires. Theres a patch kit at your or her house, you find a time to go to her house may be when shes away and tell her mom you're a friend who has come by to fix her flat bike tires. That not only earns points with her but Mom as well. Basically, this takes you paying real attention to and making notes for yourself as to what things would be helpful. If she has chores and can't go to hang out with friends, you show up and tell her you're there to help her get her chores done and will do them exactly as told so she can be free earlier to go join all your friends with you, no matter if its just something routine like washing dishes or folding laundry. If a guy really enjoys a girls company enough, it is enough to be in each others presence while doing the mundane as their company is more important than what you are doing while together. Thats how it is with my husband. We enjoy each others company over the situation we find ourselves in.

Touch a woman’s soul:
This one comes along in time on its own, after both first two steps are nailed down. Another of those 'chain reaction' deals. You almost don't have to worry about it. But you do have to be consistant in your character, not all over the place. Here's a good example of what many girls your age have issue with and consider mixed signals of interest mainly as they do not understand guys and their priorities or their basic personality type. It's inconsistant communication. text is the worst, as popular as it is, so I advise you now that if you do text a girl you like, you keep it to a minimum and rely more on voice chat, phone or in person. It will help you understand her better too as you have tone of voice or facial expressions to know if she is teasing or serious or angry. Guys who text alot for a couple days and then abruptly stop due to commitments and the importance of priority. If you can be considerate enough and know her well enough that she will wonder if you are okay when contact stops, you owe it to her peace of mind to give her a basic whats' up. Lets say grandpa died and you were close. YOU dont want to see or talk to anyone, even her because you're hurting or not wanting to be seen in this state. If you can tell her what happened and that you need some time to get over it and reassure her that she is still special to you, thats great. Even better if she volunteers to try to come cheer you up, is that you let her try. Even if it doesnt help, caring deeply enough about each other is important in a relationship, trust in each other to be able to let them see you at your lowest point, even with tears in the eyes, will touch her soul and bond her even closer to you that you trusted her enough. Trust and communication are important for any relationship. When you both are ready, and dating, talk about and decide on boundaries for the relationship. Are each of you okay with the other having friends who are the opposite sex for example. Discussing the strength of your feelings, when you both might decide to take steps venturing into sexual exploration. If she can know to trust you that you won't pressure her, and that it is a gift you both decide to give each other, born out of love and respect for each other, it will naturally happen. I know of a gal age 16 who found a guy like the type i have been discussing and whose parents got to witness him treating her in this manner at their home as well as treating them respectfully, and when they turned 16, her parents gave their permission for her to have a sexual relationship with him because of these circumstances of consistant behavior and respect and real love. I can't say that will happen for you, but the chances are better if you treat a young girl like a princess. Do not be afraid to do something because it seems too girly. You want valid reasons to touch a girl without it being sexual just to show you like being near her, to flirt and just enjoy the closeness. If she had long hair, I can't think of a better one than to be willing to comb or brush out her hair. If you have sisters and can learn to braid hair, french braid, then surprise her with asking if she'd like you to french braid her hair, that is impressive to a female. Most guys won't be bothered with it or fear it damages their masculinity. Not at all. Girls love it if a guy isn't afraid to do that sort of thing and shows he is not going to treat her based on what he fears from his male peers.

The last part, Touch all three, you have a lover for eternity. Well, I can't say whether its eternity, as in beyond mortal life, but it easily can be for the length of the lifetime you are granted, to old age, or at least very long term. When hard times come as life always brings to everyone, lack of job, disfiguring accident, loss of a child, etc...nothing affects the love of two people if they are that closely bonded means nothing. No one, even the girl will be able to have this kind of relationship if superficial. If you find this girl is not impressed by you doing all the right things, either there is no chemistry in which case, she may admire you as a person, a friend but never see you in a romantic way, or she may be too immature to appreciate you and makes many unwise, bad decisions. To know you have a female who wants to be with you your entire life and vice versa, means you both have communicated enough whats on your mind, how you think, how special and perfect each other is and very often what you appreciate about each other, and love. Then there is no worry of losing the person to someone else more pretty, handsome, with more money...because you know each of you love who each other is on the inside as well and that can't be replaced on the inside. This is what is meant by a lover for eternity. We know very well and love how each other thinks, strengths, fears, etc. and still love them.

Any other questions, let me know. I know my examples may not be practical for you, but examples that meet your situation are for you to decide, just keep alert, pay attention and try some things. It can also help to run something by Mom or an old enough teen sister to see what they think about a plan you have of doing something special for the girl. Eventually you;ll get the idea on your own without any help.

Good luck young man.

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Hello.

I'm a 22 year old female with a past of unhealthy and shakey relationships,lasting between 2 to 6 months.

However, in this case.. I have been on and off with the same person for around two years. For some of you out there, you may not find this all too impressive. But to me, it's something that has been really hard for me to fathom.

Our relationship started very quickly and passionately. We met in the mall through a mutual person and instantly hit it off. We could read each other's emotions pretty well (or so I thought), and I really fell for him fast. The thing that held us back the first time around was his drug usage.

After a few months of breaking up and getting back in touch, he really seemed to have changed. He was taking care of himself more, appeared more composed and thoughtful. So.. we gave it another round.

We really hit it off that time. We were very in tune.. always talking about our feelings and making plans for the future. Then he betrayed my trust and came to my house blazed out of his mind. I found out within a week that he not only had sex with me while he was high, but that he also lied about his father abusing him and that he used to be a coke addict. I get if someone lies about those things not happenings.. but why lie that they did? I get it was for attention, but that's some heavy things to lie about.

It took a huge toll on me. You see, I never truly trusted anyone until I met him. I always remained guarded and suspicious. But for him I completely let myself open. I told his parents about him using and what he did. He agreed to give up that life and to move back in with them so that he could live a more productive life.

I thought since he made that decision, that things could maybe be different.

We made it work for awhile, but I never truly healed from that initial heart break. He made it worse by inviting his old room mate over to our place and trying to hide it from me.

He would watch pornography while I was upstairs sleeping. I caught him on a hook up site (though he claims it was only for pictures). He admitted he lied that his ex girlfriend had an abortion and left him.

It seemed like everything was starting to repeat itself. He makes me feel like I'm crazy.. like I'm looking for mistakes. But he makes the same ones over and over again!

So, I decided I was moving out after he told me it's my fault he can't change. Even though I'm guarded and suspicious over the pain he has caused me. He instantly changed his tone and cried and begged for me to stay. Literally in a fetal position yelling that he would change. At that point, I had completely shut off emotionally. I couldn't connect to him because he put me through so much, and I felt the tears weren't even real.

I have a new place now.. and I have a few weeks until I move. But you see, I still am having a hard time thinking of him not being around. I do have a big problem with abandonment and I accept that. But I should know better by now that he will only cause me pain.

On top of this, he gave me herpes.. something that I can never get rid of and that people will judge me for. How can I trust that the next guy won't just push me away from that alone?

I feel broken, used, hurt and worthless. I know I'm strong enough to live on my own.. but damn, I wish my mind would catch up to my heart and be at rest.

So I ask.. what do I do to keep moving? Am I crazy? And is there even a small chance that he could ever change?

Yes, people do make changes for the better during their lifetime, if deep within their heart there is a desire to do so and that is the problem, most of us who do make any change, make a small, not significant one and it can take an entire lifetime for a person to get to the point of making significant change.

Then again, he may be fighting a battle no one has discovered yet, some kind of social disorder, with the need to lie, whether its for attention seeking or not, compulsive lying is a big issue and will hurt any relationship he tries to have. Trust cannot be built in that environment and without trust, a relationship dies sooner or later and is a horrible one for the time it exists. There are other compulsive disorders, or it could be broader and be one of the reasons he turned to drugs or pornography. These are addictions and will kill relationships.
Don't believe him that it's your fault he can't change. That shows he isn't ready to accept ownership of his issues and acknowledge he has a problem before seeking professional help. All this is enough reason to know he's bad news and to find it easy to move on. But these things only affect your conscious mind that realizes that as long as he is where he's at, there is no hope.
What isn't affected by this is our subconscious mind and our heart and emotions which are attached to it. The only thing i can tell you from being in a couple bad, abusive type relationships, is that the hurt in your heart over leaving the person eventually does ease with time. The memory of him will be there be without hurt and pain attached. The getting over a past relationship, whether good or bad, moves faster if you find someone who is a much better catch as far as personality or character go.
No you are not crazy, but it's more likely he is, crazy as in mentally ill. I've known two people closely like that, a past husband and a short term boyfriend that made me question whether i was crazy, becoming forgetful or whatever. that is a sign this is a very unhealthy relationship so I am glad you cut it off.


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Hi! So I'm female and am 13 years old. So basically I had a close friend who I hang out with loads, and I developed a crush on her. I started hanging out with her a bit less and found a new 'best friend' to hang out with. And yeah I developed a really bad crush on her. Now as I'm hanging out with someone new- I'm developing a crush on her now! I don't know what to do. I haven't told any of these that I have a crush on them, but I just feel really awkward because I only normally have one crush at a time, but if I'm with them and hanging out with any of them. The feelings will come back. I say a crush as in I get the feelings to make it a dating relationship rather than a friendship. I don't know why I'm doing this, I'm at an all girls school by the way. If I was at a mixed school I probably would be more fixated on the boys (I'm bisexual by the way) but I'm not so I just keep on doing this. I don't know what to do! Advice would really be appreciated- thanks! xx

At thirteen, theres a heavy load of hormones coursing through your body still, even though you may have a period and developed breasts. Once you reach 18 and look back, you'll see that you still had a lot of growing and changing left as the body continues to mature. THis overload of hormones is likely whats got you crushing on so many at once. I wouldn't worry about it. You've figured out your sexuality. These girls may have or not. If they haven't mentioned any such thing to you, bring up the topic and ask if they think they are straight, bi-sexual or gay, transgender etc. I'll say one thing about exploring sex with a girl at this age, one thing you don't have to worry about is becoming pregnant, so if you're bi, this is a good way to start. Do not attempt to convince or change the views of those who are straight. Due to wanting to experience more than one girl, I would advise to avoid lesbians too as they will be just as jealous of you also seeing another girl as a straight female feels if her boyfriend sees another girl. If a known girl you like is lesbian, then let you know of your interest but let her know you are bi and have interest in several girls and will that bother her. If so, don't get together with her that way. The safest thing is to go after girls who say they are bisexual. Keep in mind that chemistry will probably work here same as in a hetero. relationship and even if bi or gay, if she feels no attraction to you that way, it won't happen and doenst reflect on you personally or your character.

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So during resess, my friend n, not real name, but I won't actually name him, was mad at my other friend,p, again not the real name. So I was joking around and said "Oh punch her in the face," and I started laughing at my joke. P is like "if your a real friend then you wounding have said. So many your not my friend at all." The rest of the day she gives me the silent treatment and I say sorry a million ways and compliment her. She hates my guts! And I'm thinking P be mature cause we play a game we are both out and I'm on one side and she moves to the other. Can u at least pretend and she tells everyone I said to N to hit her. girl get a joke because last year she kicked my head and punched me when I was on the floor.

Friends don't kick and punch each other. Kids may do that to classmates they associate with but a true friend no... and neither do they joke about it. My guess is that if both of you find something you like about each other, then you first need to learn how to be a friend, to get a friend. This one should be easy but when we are young, we really don't know how and instead of asking to learn how, we just react with the first thought that comes to mind, act without a real clue.
If it was me you said that to, I may not be mad but feel it's in my best interest to avoid you as it makes me feel not liked or really cared about. Lets put it this way, she or someone else made the same comment regarding you to another person, and then laughed about it, would you be laughing and finding it extremely funny? I doubt it. Because negative words, stunts or actions do hurt, whether from a so called friend or stranger.
I doubt that you have bizarre sense of humor or you would laugh if I said something nasty and degrading about you right now.

If you don't like being treated a certain way, neither will anyone else in your world. All of us want love and acceptance and people who understand and support us. I'm not saying she's without fault for her earlier actions but in our growing up years we need to learn to forgive and forget and not bring up our past mistakes and we learn and grow and mature. WHAT counts is what you do with today with the relationship, not the past. In time, my guess is she will cool off and get over it. But ridiculing someone for being upset and taking it seriously, or the wrong way is only going to make things worse. Give her as much time as she needs to get over it. sTop constantly getting in her face and apologizing as that also brings back the memory. Be careful in the future as to what you say to others, as once spoken, your words can't be 'taken back' or erased, it will be in her memory for life. so unless she develops amnesia, she'll always remember. As to how she feels about it after some time as gone by, who can know. You just may never get her back as an acquaintance you hang with or a friend.
Also, beware of girls when entering puberty can find the hormones mess with their emotions, you and she may or may not be there yet. But this is a heads up, cus few ever realize that hormones can affect friendship. It can make a girl easily irritated, angry, upset...for no reason at all, even if you know you've been on good behavior. What we do is tend to lash out at another female in our lives. It can be friends, sisters or mom. It helps if you can keep in mind that it is the hormones and not the person choosing purposed to act that way. If it happens, the person has no choice, sometimes they are extremely sad or weepy for no reason TOO. I hope this encourages you to try harder to be a good friend and learn how to place yourself in another persons shoes, which means thinking how you'd feel if you were in the other persons place. I still use that as an adult and it has helped me to put up with cranky adults with stress and issues in their life as they may say or act in a way towards me that I find negative. If I were in their spot, I'd feel that way too. Maybe as I'm more mature as an adult I wouldnt act out the same way, but understanding what drives them to it, helps me to not take things personally.THIS is a good thing to learn dear.

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Um hey so tonight at this party, this girl walked up to me and was like "remember me?" And I remembered I met her once at a volenteering place or something. Then I realized, this is the girl all the guys were talking about! Let's just call her A. So I met A once and I liked her but I met her a second time tonight and WOW, I liked her. Like REALLY liked her haha. So we talked a little bit, took selfies, and I got her Instagram and kik, but all the other guys suddenly swarmed around her! One guy even managed to slowdance with her which pissed me off a little. I just want to know how I can get her attention? The party is over now but I still have her kik so I was wondering, just what do I do to get her to feel the same way? Sorry it's so long but please girls answer this question, I realized tonight that I REALLY like her, and I want her to feel the same way, so what do I do?

Hello there. Sometimes I look up history of any other questions from a person, sometimes I can gain the age of a person which helps in some cases. I see that someone, likely you, wrote from your account on the 4th. Sorry I missed that. But when i read it, it seems you were on the same subject, interest in, attracted to or feeling love for a girl. I find it amusing you mentioned a "C" you have feelings for, then mentioned "K" who there is some interest in, and today you mention "C". All you need to find is "E" and you will have Cake. LOL

Now, seriously, It looks like you are eager to find a girlfriend. From the interest you mention, I am led to believe there isn't just 'ONE' girl in particular you feel you are in love with.

A person can be attracted though to several others at the same time.
But real deep lo

Love at first sight is a strong sexual attraction felt if there is matching chemistry, and is not actually love but lust.

And now there is also the matter of chemistry. If a girl doesn't feel chemistry with you, and there is no way to change the pheremones you let off, then there is no way to make a girl attracted to you let alone interested in you to the point of wanting to be your girlfriend.
So I will assume "C" no longer holds your attention as she is dating another and you want "A" to become your girlfriend? Fair enough.

Now if I ask you why you 'love' her, why you are interested, what could you really tell me about her that makes you attracted to her, other than her looks because that's a given, no female or male on the planet is even going to consider a boyfriend/lover who looks very unappealing to them or reminds them of someone they'd rather not be reminded of. So what can you truly say your interests are? Don't worry if you don't have a single one. Most people don't have a clue. Also most people have no idea what they are actually looking for in a BF/GF or a life long partner.
I tell this next piece to all the girls. Look at yourself first, list who you are at core, not your accomplishments but what unique qualities make you who you are. Once you understand whats the most important in your life (besides finding a girlfriend) You will find it easier to make a list of the qualities in a girl that you are looking for. This will help to eliminate the knee jerk response system you seem to currently be using to find a girl and should be not only more successful but more satisfying in end results.

Now if you have determined theres enough interest that you want to get to know more about her, the best way is to hang out together. It's the same thing as dating. Dating to determine if this is the right person for one is one reason to date. THE Other is once having found the one to commit to, you date as a committed couple. So lastly, I will share an anonymous quote that neatly wraps up what a guy must do to catch a girls interest.

Touch a woman’s mind-you get her interest. Touch a woman’s heart—you get her love.
Touch a woman’s soul; you get passion beyond your wildest dreams. Touch all three, you have a lover for eternity. (anonymous)

If you need help with understanding that and how to go about it, Let me know and I'll explain. When comparing to myself, that quote is EXACTLY how each guy who's ever been important to me, has won me over (provided there was also chemistry as without, even this recipe doesnt work)
and a last quote:

A man falls in love through his eyes; a woman through her ears. (Woodrow Wyatt)

So what you say is very important. A woman will pay attention to a guy who is very observant or has overheard, or unless its a dating site with her interests written out, that helps. Otherwise you have to ask, and you have to remember what things are important to her. And it should be important enough to you to want to support and uphold her in her interests, and that starts by remembering to ask about them when you see her next or talk to in person or online. For more help, as I said, go to my column and write me from there and mention something about your previous message so I know who you are in reference to a past question as I have no info on you other than past questions when looking at a current posting.

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How do I love myself?

I have a feeling that there are lots of unasked questions behind that one and a myriad of situations that may combine to bring you to ask that. I really may not give the specific answer you truly need and it may be some simple practical advice you seek. I don't know your age. If a child or teen there are reasons why someone that age might not like themself as they feel they should, all medically and scientif reasons behind it. But without your age, I can't know if thats what you need to hear. You may have thought, a short question would make it easier without us having a lot of description from you and examples but it actually limits what I can say.
So limited as I am, i would say the same thing, see a counselor. But I don't know if you even need a counselor. If you'd like to repost with more information, we all may have different more helpful, practical answers. Or you can write to my column and explain more so I can see if I can even have some advice for you. Although if you write directly to me, others won't see your question. So if you're not happy with the advice you get on this, repost with more info. Blessings to you.

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I am the type of person who likes being in control of things. When there’s something that I can’t control, it either devastates me to the point where I have to shut it out, or it emotionally drains me.

For example, my sister is in a relationship that I know is no good for her, and I have decided that because I am not strong enough to emotionally handle it, that as much as I love her I will shut her out until she decides to cut off all ties with him.

Her situation has devastated me enough. I would rather not focus on the possibility that because she’s wasted five years with him, she will never go back to school to study history like she wants, but will most likely end up living in a trailer park, constantly asking me and my future husband for money.

She’s almost thirty years old, and in the past has admitted that he is no good. I don’t even think that she’s in love with him anymore, but she’s settling with him because she has low self-confidence, has gained a ton of weight, and they have been together for almost five and a half years, so it’s difficult to get away from him. She knows that at almost thirty-six years old, he’s never going to get over his alcohol addiction, or hold down a job.

I’m not asking for advice with her, I know that my decision to cut her off is no good but she doesn’t need me anyway. I’m asking for advice with another crisis involving my long-term boyfriend of three years, who I will most likely marry.

Over the summer his grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Which arguably is not fair, I get the idea that she is everyone’s rock just like my own now deceased grandmother was (for example, my boyfriend’s mom is a single mom who was a waitress for most of her life, and she helps her out significantly with finances), and she quit smoking thirty years ago. He texted me this week that she is on her death bed.
Unfortunately, I always understood that she was going to die.

She is over seventy years old, and it’s harder for older people to get over illnesses, especially when the man who she dated for 46 years but never married (I have my own theory as to why, she was still married to my boyfriend’s grandfather after 30 years into the relationship, which was an unhappy marriage, but she wouldn’t get away from because of her old-fashioned ideology and anti-divorce views. She, also, didn’t want to enter into another marriage at the time of her life when her husband finally passed when my boyfriend was nine) shockingly passed away from a heart attack right before her first chemotherapy treatment. I’ve heard of many older people dying after the loss of the love of their life, since many of them have been with them for years and cannot imagine a life without them.

I also saw her condition deteriorate over time. A year ago she was working as a waitress and was fairly independent. It got to the point where she laid in bed all day, and her daughters and my boyfriend had to do things that we take for granted, such as feed her, help her get dressed, even help her get out of the chair.

Although I knew that things were bad, I wanted for her to die after my boyfriend graduated college for two primary reasons. First, because he took a year off from college before his last semester, and was already worried about passing his accounting courses, and I didn’t want for her death to add to his stresses. Second, for a more selfish reason, he told me that his mother was going to move much farther away than they live now, so that she could be closer to his brother and he wanted to find a place either where he lives now or closer to me.

Now, logically, you cannot ask a person in hospice to keep on fighting until her grandson finishes college, because that would not be fair to her, and under certain circumstances might actually be impossible.

Since she is likely to die this month (in a few days), which is already a difficult month for me, because two weeks from now, the best person who I ever met in my life (my paternal grandmother) passed away, and it feels like I am losing her all over again. She died under similar circumstances, but she suffered for longer.

When I text his mother yesterday I feel like I was very out of line. First, I expressed my deepest condolences and asked how she thought my boyfriend was doing, rather or not she thinks that I should talk to him.

Then I said that February sucks, because this is when I lost my own grandmother, and that nothing good happens this time of year (I seriously believe that). I, also, said on a more positive side, not that I meant this to be about myself, but at least she will not be suffering for long like my own grandmother did.

That was actually meant to comfort her, and I do not know if that made things worse. I, also, said that I was so sorry for her loss, and told her that I know that her mother loved her family as much as my grandmother did, and told her what my paternal grandmother told my aunts, which helped them, not to cry but to celebrate her life, because I was certain that’s what her mother would want for her family.

My boyfriend’s mother did not tell me off, but I have no idea if anything I said was rude. I guess even trying to come up with the right words to say during a time like this is rough. Although, she actually said thank you, so maybe I was helpful =).

I meant to be heartfelt and comforting, even though I’m still mad at her after a dispute that we had last month, which I refuse to bring up with her now but I was told by my best friend that I should discuss with her at the right time, definitely not right now.

I, also, feel like a terrible girlfriend. Since I will most likely not be able to attend the funeral. The weather has been really bad here, and because the administrators at my school are clueless, I have had to miss class to prevent from getting stuck far away from home waiting for a bus. (Seriously, when your parking lot is an ice rink you’re supposed to close the school.) I doubt that my professors would understand why I need to take off from school to be at the funeral, because he is not my fiancé, or my husband.

How can I comfort my boyfriend during a time like this? I know that he doesn’t want to burden me, but I refuse to just stand there knowing how I felt when I lost my own grandmother.

He did actually admit to me that he was upset, I told him to just stay with her for as long as he possibly can, that way he can actually say goodbye. I regret not saying goodbye to my late paternal grandmother.

I did not say goodbye because my dad did not want to see her in that condition, and I was unable to get there on my own. He wanted to portray an image of her where she was happy and not suffering.

What can I say or do? How can I be there for him, without actually being there like I should be? As you can see, there’s a ton of things going through my head right now. I hate myself, because instead of focusing on his family’s pain, I’m focusing on the loss of my own grandmother.

Am I selfish? Are these feelings normal? I’ve met his grandmother, but never had the opportunity to bond with her. So, I’m focusing on the similarities that I experienced with the loss of my paternal grandmother, who also died of cancer, and who held my family together.

You don't sound selfish. You seem to like to be supportive, understanding and comforting.

I only wonder what you really said to his mom because you say she's not passed yet, should soon, but the words you wrote talk in past tense as if she is already gone. That may just be an error in your typing the scenerio but if you did speak as if she was already gone, that could easily upset a person. Since she's an adult and she said thankyou, she is at least responding in a mature manner no matter how your words hit her.
Yes, it's hard to know what to say. The easiest in that case to do is "I heard the news. Just want you to know I am praying for you and the family." Thats it, no other explanation or words needed. You don't go into, 'I'm praying for a miraculous recovery', or I'm praying you'll see this quick going as a good thing. No one can escape going through grief. There is a right way and there is a wrong way. There are certain steps that alone, sound like something bad but are necessary as part of the process. If you want to be your supportive self, go looking around at bookstores for books on dealing with grief. I had a friend loan me a book ages ago when I lost my mom. Out of all the things said and done by others, this was the most practical one for me. It was a simple small book, easy to read when one is distracted by their pain. The name was "Good Grief". It was old then so likely out of print. But you can always check Amazon. Or see what the bookstores offer. Don't give it until grandma has passed on. This can be the most practical thing you can do for the family, being at the graveyard is a respectful supportive thing if it is even practical for you and no one will hold anything against you for not being there.

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I'm 20 & I've always been quite shy. I've had one close friend for 13 years & I've had a boyfriend for 3 years who I'm crazy about. When I'm with them, I'm really happy & chatty, I like to go out with them etc. I've been getting better with my 'shyness' and I'm much more confident. I've just never really liked going out in big groups and find it really hard to talk to people I'm not close with. I'm not scared, it's just that I have no idea what to say. I find it hard to find things in common. I'm a private person, I don't like talking about myself to people I'm not close with, I don't drink alcohol, I don't like sport, I'm not girly, I love studying.. I'm starting to think I'm really boring. I don't fit in anywhere. I've been tested for social anxiety and was told I didn't have it. I was happy at school, I had friends, I'm happy to go to my tutorials for my course I'm studying, I talk to people online who I've never met.

I've just started my first ever job and it started off well, I was making conversation getting to know people but they're really different to me. I've been invited out for meals already because it's someone's birthday and someone else is leaving but I really don't want to go as I don't like fancy restaurant food/can't afford it. They're saying they'll get me to drink tea/coffee soon (I don't like hot drinks) and go out partying with them etc. When one person said they organise social activities I just start dreading the idea of that. I feel like I'm being made to change the way I am and it's really upsetting me, I'm in tears. I just want get on with people without having to do things I really don't like. Am I being selfish? Do I really have to go out, drink alcohol, waste money just so people will like me? :'(

I might suggest you see a professional astrologist who can explain to you who you are based on your sun and moon signs and rising signs, these definitely are very true based on what day you were born, the time and the location. My husband doesn't do it professionally but I've learned, it's not the same thing as horoscopes and try to predict what a person should do, everyone is unique and so those don't work. But astrology will help you to know that you are normal. What you describe of yourself tells me that you don't suffer shyness or some social disorder or being antisocial or boring even. I also took a seminar on learning personality types. Of the two more quite, private people who don't like associating with just anyone were the ones called "Analysts or Controllers" the more extrovert types were the "Supporters or Promoters" Everyone was given the basic descriptions on a square of four cubes and basically, depending on how you answered, you ended up on the introvert side or extrovert side and then other questions to help you determine what your type of the two is. Why I am explaining this dear, is that once we were told to go to a corner of the room labeled for each of the types, I was amazed to see that the majority of the people were in the Supporter and Promoter groups and very few individuals in the other two. It just goes to prove that the person you may be is normal for who you are, but you will always be a minority among the peoples of the world and in a job setting, the only one in your department and one of only several in the whole company. So obviously, you will not ever feel comfortable around others who are more bubbly, outgoing, into social things, etc... Do not change who you are for anyone else, you will be miserable and become depressed possibly.
If you do some digging into being able to describe yourself to others (if you wish) so they can better understand it's who you are, for the same reason they are how they are and your'e not anti social, then likely there won't be any problems working with them and not participating. It may feel wrong to have to explain, but the majority will always wonder and the issue won't be put to rest unless you take the time to teach them something so that they don't have to wonder why you keep refusing. Saying "thats not my thing" will work for people like yourself cus they're not nosy but it won't work for the majority who are the problem in the first place. If they aren't being pushy, but nice in trying to include you, they don't deserve a brush off without a good reason and you probably have a good reason, you just don't know enough how to scientifically explain where you are at. Once you do, problem solved. I found a blog where the guy describes the different types of people and also how to get along with others who are different from you. It should be helpful in a work setting.
First is a quiz to take to determine your professional behavior type. I took it after almost 30 years since I did it first time and I am the same type, a supporter. Here it is:

http://www.proprofs.com/quiz-school/story.php?title=professional-behavior-quiz

http://socialleadershipdevelopment.com/

I am sure once you learn more about yourself and can explain why you are as you as, no offense to them, the others will be glad to allow you to be yourself and no longer try so hard to include you. My guess, they are just assuming you are more like them, just shy.
good luck!

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I'm a lesbian and I'm not sure how to tell my family. They are very Christian and homophobic. I asked my best friend but she wasn't sure. She said I definitely need to do it though. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Please help me

Hon, you're still not an adult. So as far as they are concerned, they are still in the parenting and teaching you the right thing to do stage. I used be Christian and narrow minded when younger and raising my kids and then did a 180 and took off in a more open minded direction.
I agree young kids and teens can know if they are transgender, or gay for example.
But when narrow minded as a Christian parent I made certain rules for my kids, church said Harry Potter books are evil and my kids were not allowed to read them so I enforced that. Years later, I realized that there is nothing in the books that could harm my teens and they were allowed to read the books and watch the movies. Most parents won't change as easily on their own if at all, as I did. But I understand where they will be coming from. Their hearts intention will be a good one. Because they are acting based on what they believe is the only right way, Christian beliefs, not one iota of it being in error or to be questioned. Lets say, they are right and Christianity is the only right way and everyone else is wrong, in that case, it is darn well their duty to teach you the right way to go. And that dear, is where they are currently stuck. So I suggest you wait until you turn 18 and are of the legal age of consent, and then decide when to tell the parents. Most likely, the time will come when you find a partner you want to date or marry and bring to family get togethers at holidays. I have a brother in law who never married and late in life embraced the fact he was gay. Then he found a partner. Once he had, he called to tell the parents before Christmas as he lived in another state and wanted to bring his partner with him. Mom said whatever made him happy as an adult, would make her happy. Thats all she wanted, that he be happy.
Your parents have the image in their mind of a son-in law and future grandchildren, a blend of you and him. Your choices will be use a sperm bank or adopt. All if this will shatter and shake their beliefs. You may as an adult still hear their concerns over you going to hell for this choice when it simply isn't true. Of course if a person believes they have only one chance to get it right, the current lifetime, then of course a person must get it right this time. But the God is know is like the parents I had, growing up, if I did something wrong a couple of times, I wasn't excommunicated from the house, I got more than one or two chances to learn to do things as I was told. If earthly parents will be patient and give many chances, how could the creator be any less. I believe in reincarnation so I no longer worry about my own grown children if they are doing something I don't totally like or agree with. When you become an adult they no longer have a right to 'parent and train you', they still have a right to worry about you but their role changes. If you are old enough to go to college or get a job and an apt with a sweetie, then great, you won't be under their roof and have the freedom to do as you wish.
If you decide to tell him while 18 or older and still living under their roof, they have a right to enforce what happens under their roof, but not in your life. For example they can say they don't want your partner to come with you to visit, or you can't stay overnight and have sex, but they can't tell you to stop being Gay. So as far as any current lesbian partners, if will have to be done in secret if you don't want a lot of daily pressure and emotional stress from them that you can not escape as you are still under age and not able to move out on your own. When you do tell, I suggest you do so After having moved out to college dorm or own place.
I also would suggest you looking for gay or Lesbian support groups online and join so you can talk to other people who came out to parents as a teen, as college age and find out what the
Good luck dear.

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Ok so my ex bf and I broke up in January. I met him two weeks ago so he could help me with my car. The whole time he kept touching me and we were really acting like couples until be pulled out his phone and showed me a pic of a girl on his phone saying how that's his girl. I was upset on the inside but I still didn't let him know I was was. The whole time we kept acting like a couple. We didn't kiss though or anything. So yesterday we were messaging back and forth. He claimed how he showed me the pic of the girl just so that he could get on my nerves. I spoke to him today, he told me that right now he's too busy with school and work and that he doesn't want a relationship right now. We both go to the same college. I tried to be supportive because I still want to be with him and he also said he'll let me know when he decide if he still wants us to be together again. I asked him if he claimed he was too busy for me because he was dating someone and I also asked about the picture of the girl. He said "the picture is my business don't worry about that". I'm so confuse right now because I feel like just maybe he broke things off with me just to be with her. When we were together everything was fine. I just don't know why the sudden changes toward me that led to the breakup. I really do want to get back with him but not right now after this semester ends in May. Any ideas? Please help

He was testing you to see what he could get away with and since you didn't protest when he touched you in a proprietary way (meaning you're in an exclusive relationship together) While one hand touch on the shoulder in a conversation to emphasize as you express something is normal and means nothing, constant touching throughout means he is interested in a sexual relationship, I doubt its for anything else if he treats you already as he has and said what he said without being in a relationship. He may or may not be dating other girls but this guy is trouble either way.

What you need to learn quickly is that there are males who purposely test females like this to see if they are weak, get confused too easily and have no clue what a good guy is like or what is good or unhealthy in a relationship or if the girl is desperate for a boyfriend and will settle for less just to have a guy ask to date her, take her out, or have sex with her.
Right now, you have unintentionally taught him that he can get away with treating you like shit and you will just take it without complaint. Guys like that also have a potential to be verbally if not also physically abusive.
I don't know how long he dated you but it may have been long enough to figure out he likes you for sex but not friendship, or he's a player anyways and wants a whole string of girls calling and begging to see him , all believing they are special in some way. This strokes his ego and makes him feel important and needed but in a really twisted way. I don't know why you broke up, but I think it was a good thing. However, you likely didn't learn an important lesson with him, so fate has brought him around to you again. Not because he's in love with you and the two of you are meant to be together but for you to learn something from it. I know because I was in an abusive relationship. Once I left, I was tested by meeting another guy who was very similar, in some ways worse. As soon as he showed his true self to me, I broke it off with him and no longer responded to emails, or calls.
Since you say you want to be nice and supportive to him (supportive of bad behavior??) then there's nothing I can tell you to help you move on and find a really good man. You're not ready. It takes a confident woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for and insist upon it, that makes a woman attractive. I've heard from male relationship experts who teach females how to understand men. Males are actually attracted to a confident woman whether he or she are right for each other. I can attest that it is true. Before meeting my 2nd husband, I was on a dating site hearing from tons of guys who thought I was a very intriguing, interesting woman and good looking too and wanted to meet. And I posted a list of criteria that guys had to meet before I would meet them or even consider dating them and that drew men's attention like nothing else. Oh by the way I was in my late forties then and was hit on by guys ranging from 20 to 60's and multiple times with the younger ones, not just a one time occurrance. I would suggest you find ways to work on yourself,gain more self confidence, decide what you really want in a guy and go after it. If you are not particular and just about any male will do, no matter how he treats you...then I can't help you. And no one on here, no matter what advice they give can help you because change must come from within, a desire in you to change. If you feel you are doing the right thing as is, then keep on doing it. If not, something needs to change.
I wish you the best.

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I just got just peachy from baby lips medicated line. Well, on my skin color it's is not applealing at all. It looks like my lips out ashy lol. Anyways, how can I use it so it's not so ugly on my skin or could I make it into a different color. Any other ideas much needed! Thanks!😋

There isn't a way to change to color of anything applied to the lips. Since you got the wrong shade for you, I would suggest going back to where you bought it, with or without a receipt to exchange it for another color. Since it's not a high price item, even without receipt, they may let you exchange it for another. Make sure they understand you don't want money back, just a different shade. What you chose is called a warm color and will not go with all skin types. I used to sell makeup based on peoples skin and natural hair color. ITs split into 4 people types, a Spring which wears warm colored pastels (think strawberry blonde), and an Autumn who wears well... vibrant autumn colors well and hair is likely auburn. Then there are Summer and Winter types for cool colors. These lack the warm tone and have more blue and red undertones A summer can wear pastels like pink and baby blue, fair skin and blonde or light brown hair. A winter wears darker shades best, fushia, royal blue and purple, emerald green and had the blue undertone skin to dark skin. I am a Winter so I never wear corals, yellows and creams as I look jaundiced/sick when wearing it. This extends beyond makeup to clothing colors too. Since you say you don't look good in 'just peachy', I would have to guess that you require 'ccol' colors which would be 'Pink Me Up, Soothing Sorbet and Berry Soft.

Here's a link to Maybellines website for their makeup in case you can't exchange, you can probably mail in the one you don't like for an exchange.

http://www.maybelline.com/Products/Lip-Makeup/Lip-Balm/baby-lips-dr-rescue.aspx

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19 female
So last weekend, I went to a party with some of my friends and basically ended up making out with one of my guy friends. I don't know how I feel about it...cause like there's kind of a story behind it and maybe even us, but then again it might just be me over reacting. First of all, I've hooked up with guys at parties before, but it's never been with someone I really know or am friends with, so I feel like that just complicates the situation even more.
Basically, last Friday this guy friend (lets call him John) came over to my apartment and invited me and my roommate to a party that he was going to. He came back to our place a little later with alcohol, but I told him before we even went out that I didn't want to get drunk because I had an interview in the morning, but that I'd drink a little with him. We took a couple of shots before we left and then headed out to the party. When we were walking there, two of our other friends were talking about the guys that they were dating or talking to, and me and John were walking together talking about something else. Then he like brought that topic up and asked why I wasn't dating anyone cause I'm a "great catch." I pretty much just laughed that off and changed the topic to something else. When we got to the party, he ended up getting me a lot more drunk than I had planned...not like forcefully or anything but like he gave me the bottle and kept asking if I wanted to take a shot with him. We were spending pretty much the whole time at the party together, and it was pretty normal until he introduced my roommate to a guy he know so they could talk, and basically he and I would be alone. Then he got all huggy which he had been like the whole night but this time it was a little different. Like he brought up how we had been all huggy another time we were drunk a couple weeks before, and how he liked that, even though he hadn't brought it up at all the times I had seen him since. Well after we were hugging for a while we started dancing for like a really long time, and at first it was pretty innocent, but then we got real close. I don't know why but I kissed his neck, and then we started making out. But it was actually really short and when it was over he kissed me on my nose lol which was kind of sweet I guess. And then we parted ways and it was really awkward cause like all of our mutual friends saw, and same with all of the people at the party who I didn't really know but were friends with him. Like when we were dancing this one guy came up to John and was y'all are so fucking cute.
He left with me and my roommate, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him before I left for my apartment and he went back to his dorm. I still haven't seen him yet, and most of me just really wants to avoid him. But then another part of me wants to know what the heck is up? We've always kind of had some type of little connection, and like he's gotten in the way of me talking to another guy before, but I always thought it was more of just a friendship type of thing. I don't know if that was just us being drunk or if there actually might be something there? Ugh, really don't know how I feel about this... Any advice or input?
Sorry this is so long!!

You explained it really well and all you wrote was needed for us to get a good picture of the situation. I think one of your statements gave me a good clue as to what is the real issue here.

"Then he like brought that topic up and asked why I wasn't dating anyone cause I'm a "great catch." I pretty much just laughed that off and changed the topic to something else". Why did you laugh that off? Why did you change the topic not wanting to discuss it? When we avoid something, sometimes it's because we are afraid of what we will discover about ourselves. If we dig deep enough to really admit some things about ourselves, we may discover we are lacking in something, usually its a lack of being informed or knowledgeable on a subject, such as sex and relationships. You may not feel you know enough to know how to treat a guy let alone understand him in a relationship or feel inadequate when it comes to sexual experience or knowledge. The knowledge is FAR more important than previous experience. You may find you are afraid, that you won't measure up to other girls out there and no matter how much a guy compliments you, you don't believe him. If you don't believe a guy and have self doubts, it may take a counselor to discover why you doubt your abilities. Here's some of my guesses: was it flunking a test in grade school, a highly critical parent or one that compared you to siblings all the time? Things like this can affect your ability to start dating a guy since you will never feel yourself good enough to truly be inspiring their interest, so you laugh it off.
If not seen to, you will be like this the rest of your life. Life should be enjoyed. So if you are absolutely thrilled with your life as it is now, and you are not lying to yourself when you say you are, then there is no need for change. Don't date anyone. And get drunk everytime you want to flirt or have sex so your can lower your inhibitions in your mind. It's your thoughts, the tape playing in your mind that prevents you from getting to the root of the issue. You bypassed those issues and drank, even though you say it was unintentional to drink that much, until your inhibitions slipped. Maybe he was trying to help you feel more comfortable knowing only alcohol as a remedy, but thats a poor one. I believe it much better to discover what's really eating at you inside in your subconscious, what is preventing you from allowing a guy to date you, to become a couple? I can think of one thing that can help if there are no subconscious issues, and that would be to have a solid idea of what you are looking for in a guy so you can recognize it when you see it. If you don't know, then it's hard to get started. You can make a list of traits you like in a guy simply from having observed other men, maybe you prefer outgoing, talkative extroverts, guys with lots of patience, who never raise their voice and know how to control their temper, who do special things to show a lady they care about her, care about their appearance, etc... Once you start dating, you can add to your list of what you like, I am talking about a real written list that you review, update or cross out things on as you experience more. It should be a list of pros and cons so the things you don't want, like a controlling type, verbally abusive, belittling you, a spend freak-bad with his finances, etc. If any guy you meet is too low on the pro's and high on the con's, stop seeing him, break it off and look for another, always striving for a step up and better, never settling for the same or less.

If you think what happened was only because you were drunk,you are yet a bit naive. Drinking simply lowers the inhibitions so that whatever desires are in your subconscious can't remain hidden in that state so you will do what you desire. Some drunks are mean, they desire lashing out at the world, others have unmet wants. You obviously are attracted to him and want him as more than just a friend. He is really into you and if he's always there, getting in the way if he see's you with another guy, it's cus he's thinking of himself and doesn't want another guy possibly asking you out and being accepted cus that likely will crush him if he has feelings for you. He compliments you too, you sense the connection between you. Obviously, he's really into you as more than a friend but he's too shy to come out and say so, so he's giving all these other clues and see's no sign from you that any of it is registering with you. For all he knows, you are totally oblivious to how he feels an attraction to you. You give no sign 'while sober' of encouragement, simply shrugging or laughing him off and changing subjects. If You are really interested in him as well, I would stop doing that and show some interest in return, AND do it while sober so he cant attribute it to alcohol. What happens when drunk doesn't count as far as letting a person know you are interested in them. He could eventually come to a point of giving up on you and start looking for someone else or if another girl very similar to you crosses his path, he just may go after her or a girl who truly isn't scared of him or to show how she feels. So how do people show they care, verbally-affirmations, complimenting and saying I have deep feelings for you, building them up.
Other ways is spending quality time with the person, quality means outside of drinking, time where you both feel comfortable and can talk uninterrupted while doing something you like, walking, hiking, out to dinner or a picnic, listening to music at each others place, avoid movies as the main activity as there is no time spent talking, no interacting.
A 3rd way to show your feelings is giving gifts, store bought or homemade, doesnt matter.
Doing special tasks for the person that they could do themselves, shows you care, its even better if you volunteer help with something you observe they don't like to do or find challenging, like if he see's your car tires look low on air and windshield wipers are shot and volunteers to go with you to fill your tires with air and put on the wiper blades for you when you buy them.
Lastly there is touch. People need touch to actually be emotionally healthy. Surveys show that getting daily hugs will lower chances of becoming depressed.touch shows interest, such as flirting, so when you kissed his neck, that is an example of that but canceled out by too much alcohol. He can't be 100% sure of it meaning anything. So while sober, trying touching his hand or shoulder as you speak, give him a short rub of his shoulders as you pass behind chair he's seated in, play with his hair, or giving a kiss. Out of the blue, a kiss might seem scary, but a perfect time to kiss him is any time you are saying thankyou for something, he opening a door for you, gave you a gift, treated you out. A guy also needs to feel needed and you could ask just about anyone to help you with a task but if you choose to ask him, it conveys you have a preferance for him. Try asking for a neck and shoulder rub for tense muscles even if you don't have that, the chance for both of you to touch each other like that is part of flirting. Find excuse to touch briefly. If you need any more help, let me know. good luck.



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I am almost turning 14 and everyone else has breasts. It is always awkward changing for P.E. And I look horrible in swimsuits. What do I do?

It is not abnormal to have puberty take its time, you could be a late bloomer. Depending on your family genetic history you could end up bigger than any of the girls you're jealous of now, once you are done growing, or same size and there are some women who are small to flat chested as adults and still have boyfriends and husbands who love them just as they are.
I didn't get my period until 14 and that seems to still be the average age for most girls starting. Breast can start their growth process on the average age 10, but for the longest time, it's only nipples more pronounced and no bulk to breast tissue yet. There is nothing we can do to change the size of breasts we inherit. Now if your period hasn't started by time you hit 15-16, your mom should take you to a doctor to have your hormone levels checked. It seems to be a common affliction these days for girls to be affected by low hormones, the kind that change your body into a woman, and there's a lot of growing to do yet before you turn lets say 20. Dr.s can prescribe hormones to help your body along. But it won't change ending breast size. I know this is an age when we all feel self conscious and want to fit in and not stand out for being different, even I felt that to some degree.
I suggest bra's that come with padding in them for now. If you don't fit an A cup, as far as I know, training bra's don't have padding but foam inserts for bath suit tops should be available at a local sewing shop, and some department stores may have them in lingerie sections to replace those in purchased bra's. I know it will be embarrassing to go looking for and purchasing such items but it's a one time embarrassment compared to a daily one with your peers. Talk to Mom and find out when she started developing. Let her know how concerned you are. This should be a wonderful mother daughter bonding moment, her helping you out. She could help you with searching out a two piece that has a top with padding that fits and looks good on you. It would be more embarassing to have inserts that fall out if not secured well in place. So you are either going to need some assistance, from your mom, or from a female clerk in the lingerie section of a department store if you choose to try this. Otherwise, you do nothing and wait to grow.

I am attaching a link to what is considered normal breasts and nipples and aereola in women 18 and older and there is quite a large variety as you will see. I hope this helps you to understand that any size breast is normal even very flat chested as an adult and you still have some growing time to go. Once you get to your adult chest size, learn how to best show it off, certain types of bra's and clothing will help visually enhance whatever you have.

http://www.007b.com/breast_gallery.php


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There's a guy I like and he always gives me stuff like food and stuff. So on Valentines I want to give him something to pay him back for the food but I don't want him to think something of it unless that's what is should go for, how would I do that?

I agree, you are not making sense. You want to give him a gift cus you like him but you don't want him to know by the gift he recieves that you like him back?
Seriously? Either you like him or you don't. If you don't, then don't accept the gifts he gives you and tell him you don't feel that way about him. If you like him, the natural response is to give him some signs that you like him back, otherwise there is no purpose in giving him any gift. To give him a gift when you are just toying with him and not wanting him to know you have an interest and you prefer to deny yourself moviing fully into a relationship with him, that would be leading him on, a not nice thing to do to anyone.
From what little you write, it seems he must like to cook and is always giving you some food to try. I don't know what the 'stuff' is that he gives but you made food known so that must be the main thing. If your Mom cooked you a nice birthday dinner and bake and cake and you told her you want to pay her back for that gift in some way, either in money or a return gift, you'd hurt her feelings, it would be considered a slap in the face in my generation. A gift is a gift, it doesnt require the receiver giving something back. The only thing I know of where something is given and it is a must to carry out giving something back is when two parties have decided to barter something,like in the old days, my chicken eggs for some of your cows milk, that is called Bartering. If he did not ask you to give him something in return for receiving food from him, then it is not a barter. And you cheapen the value of his gift by doing what you propose to do. The easiest thing you can do is give a nice note card with the words inside, "I just want you to know I really appreciate all the wonderful food you bring me. P.S. I really like you.

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