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Hey it's me, the "C" "K" and "A" guy
Hey so listen, I know all those relationship questions were posted on my feed, but let me explain. "C" and I are best friends, and sometimes I feel a pull into loving her the way I used to, but I immediately pull back from it, reminding myself of the way she hurt my by leading me on so much. Lately I think she has begun to develop feelings for me, and we always hang out, but I have no intention of being together with her. With "K", we haven't talked in a few weeks, I think like a month. I doubt we will date. What I had with "C" was special, different, but it's been changed, for reasons I cannot explain. With "A" it's new and I really like her a lot, but we have only met twice and I want to know her more, considering I never really got to talk to her that much at the party with all of the other guys crowding around her. I am talking to her now, and I want to know how I can make her see that I'm different from the rest of the guys, Im not like the other assholes. I know about that whole "touch a woman's heart" thing, but I want to know how to do it. What I have with her is so amazing, and I don't want to lose it. I'm fourteen by the way, I thought you asked in your answer to my question (thank you btw :D) but please, how can I be the prince that can make her dreams come true? Cause honestly, that's all I really care about.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I commend you at 14 for being wise enough and willing to learn how to impress a young lady. This works for females of any age. I will post the quote again with the answers for each step.
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Touch a woman’s mind-you get her interest. I will share my own experience with a dating site before meeting my 2nd husband that way. It will make this point very clear to you. Imagine how hard it is to get a female interested enough to respond to you when you write them. To catch her interest, you have to get her mind involved, thinking about something you said. So what do you say? I spelled it out for the males in profile. Made a list of what things I liked had interest in cus of course I want someone who has something in common with me, doesn't have to be all, I even spelled out what I was looking for in a guy and lastly told them if they write me to mention something from my profile that they read, or what we have in common or how they might meet my criteria. 9 out of 10 guys could not do that. Or would not do that. Do you know what message that send to the female? If the guy couldnt be bothered to spend the time listening to me and learning what I liked and to comment on it and how he has similar interests, WITH examples he can share, then the guy doesn't really have a strong enough interest in learning to become my closest friend. His interest is only skin deep. Meaning he is more interested in just what she can do for him not what he can do for her.It's more of a lustful thing, not love. Females want love first before being ready or willing for the sexual part. 9 out of 10 guys (mind you...adult men ranging from 20s to 60s) in their opening sentence to me, referred to my looks, my body with how sexy, hot looking it was and an invite to hop in bed with them. While women love compliments, its very unwise to make that your central comment when first meeting or trying to win her over. Compliments are still great, just avoid that one as it sends the message you are after her only for her looks whether true or not. I'm no prude, so don't get me wrong. In my 50s, still have high sex drive with my husband and I understand that the romance and sexual side of a relationship is just as important as the two being able to be best friends. So when I went searching, it had to be someone I had things in common with on that side too. So bring up anything you do know about her, if this is the one who did volunteer work, ask her who she liked it. Was it her idea to do it. Many churches do volunteer work, find out if she goes to a church, which one, don't know if she goes to the same school you may have that and certain teachers in common. Once talking, ask her about herself. People like to talk about themselves, it validates who they are as a person for someone else to find them interesting, their favorite anything, food, music,book genre, etc... Listen to her answers, lets say she's got a thing for action hero movies, you could mention your favorite hero movie and then ask hers. The guy she'll have more to think about and remember even if she danced with lot of others, is the one who took the time to learn what she thinks, how she believes, what her strengths are, goals, morals, etc...
Touch a woman’s heart—you get her love.
Sometimes, its a chain reaction thing. If you do step one correctly and touch her mind, you can easily have touched her heart that you cared enough to find out who she was on the in side, but don't stop there. Think! When have you heard an adult saying, "Oh, that touched my heart" Its usually in connection to what someone else had done for them, an action they have taken. And it's almost always something unexpected, meaning they did not ask the person to help. Example: Lets say she's into painting, does so often and has showed you her art work. You notice by looking at her paints that she is almost out of white and yellow is running low. You take note that its acrylic, not oil, and what brand she uses and next time you see her, you bring her those paints to replace what she was low on. I understand you may not have money to buy things but the same can happen in acts of service, helpful handy things. Her dad doesnt have the time to fix her flat bike tires. Theres a patch kit at your or her house, you find a time to go to her house may be when shes away and tell her mom you're a friend who has come by to fix her flat bike tires. That not only earns points with her but Mom as well. Basically, this takes you paying real attention to and making notes for yourself as to what things would be helpful. If she has chores and can't go to hang out with friends, you show up and tell her you're there to help her get her chores done and will do them exactly as told so she can be free earlier to go join all your friends with you, no matter if its just something routine like washing dishes or folding laundry. If a guy really enjoys a girls company enough, it is enough to be in each others presence while doing the mundane as their company is more important than what you are doing while together. Thats how it is with my husband. We enjoy each others company over the situation we find ourselves in.
Touch a woman’s soul:
This one comes along in time on its own, after both first two steps are nailed down. Another of those 'chain reaction' deals. You almost don't have to worry about it. But you do have to be consistant in your character, not all over the place. Here's a good example of what many girls your age have issue with and consider mixed signals of interest mainly as they do not understand guys and their priorities or their basic personality type. It's inconsistant communication. text is the worst, as popular as it is, so I advise you now that if you do text a girl you like, you keep it to a minimum and rely more on voice chat, phone or in person. It will help you understand her better too as you have tone of voice or facial expressions to know if she is teasing or serious or angry. Guys who text alot for a couple days and then abruptly stop due to commitments and the importance of priority. If you can be considerate enough and know her well enough that she will wonder if you are okay when contact stops, you owe it to her peace of mind to give her a basic whats' up. Lets say grandpa died and you were close. YOU dont want to see or talk to anyone, even her because you're hurting or not wanting to be seen in this state. If you can tell her what happened and that you need some time to get over it and reassure her that she is still special to you, thats great. Even better if she volunteers to try to come cheer you up, is that you let her try. Even if it doesnt help, caring deeply enough about each other is important in a relationship, trust in each other to be able to let them see you at your lowest point, even with tears in the eyes, will touch her soul and bond her even closer to you that you trusted her enough. Trust and communication are important for any relationship. When you both are ready, and dating, talk about and decide on boundaries for the relationship. Are each of you okay with the other having friends who are the opposite sex for example. Discussing the strength of your feelings, when you both might decide to take steps venturing into sexual exploration. If she can know to trust you that you won't pressure her, and that it is a gift you both decide to give each other, born out of love and respect for each other, it will naturally happen. I know of a gal age 16 who found a guy like the type i have been discussing and whose parents got to witness him treating her in this manner at their home as well as treating them respectfully, and when they turned 16, her parents gave their permission for her to have a sexual relationship with him because of these circumstances of consistant behavior and respect and real love. I can't say that will happen for you, but the chances are better if you treat a young girl like a princess. Do not be afraid to do something because it seems too girly. You want valid reasons to touch a girl without it being sexual just to show you like being near her, to flirt and just enjoy the closeness. If she had long hair, I can't think of a better one than to be willing to comb or brush out her hair. If you have sisters and can learn to braid hair, french braid, then surprise her with asking if she'd like you to french braid her hair, that is impressive to a female. Most guys won't be bothered with it or fear it damages their masculinity. Not at all. Girls love it if a guy isn't afraid to do that sort of thing and shows he is not going to treat her based on what he fears from his male peers.
The last part, Touch all three, you have a lover for eternity. Well, I can't say whether its eternity, as in beyond mortal life, but it easily can be for the length of the lifetime you are granted, to old age, or at least very long term. When hard times come as life always brings to everyone, lack of job, disfiguring accident, loss of a child, etc...nothing affects the love of two people if they are that closely bonded means nothing. No one, even the girl will be able to have this kind of relationship if superficial. If you find this girl is not impressed by you doing all the right things, either there is no chemistry in which case, she may admire you as a person, a friend but never see you in a romantic way, or she may be too immature to appreciate you and makes many unwise, bad decisions. To know you have a female who wants to be with you your entire life and vice versa, means you both have communicated enough whats on your mind, how you think, how special and perfect each other is and very often what you appreciate about each other, and love. Then there is no worry of losing the person to someone else more pretty, handsome, with more money...because you know each of you love who each other is on the inside as well and that can't be replaced on the inside. This is what is meant by a lover for eternity. We know very well and love how each other thinks, strengths, fears, etc. and still love them.
Any other questions, let me know. I know my examples may not be practical for you, but examples that meet your situation are for you to decide, just keep alert, pay attention and try some things. It can also help to run something by Mom or an old enough teen sister to see what they think about a plan you have of doing something special for the girl. Eventually you;ll get the idea on your own without any help.
Good luck young man.
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