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Parents won't let me buy anything
HI, I'm 13 years old. My parents won't buy anything for me or even let me buy anything with my own money, I don't know what to do. My parents say they don't want to spoil me and say that I'm a brat just for asking. But also, how will I learn to manage money if I can't make a mistake while learning how to. I only have 43 dollars and I've been saving that up like my whole life, and when I ask my dad for something and present him with the money, he thinks I stole the money. PLEASE HELP.
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It would help to have more information such as what are some of the things you want to purchase. It would also help to know why your dad thinks you stole the money.
While I can't directly address your question as to why your parents tell you know. In a sense you did answer your own question in what you wrote. You wrote, how will I learn to manage money if I can't make a mistake while learning how to."
Every parent; parents differently. It is unfortunate but you guys don't pop out of your mothers with handbooks like new cars come with. We as parent learn on the job, so to speak, as to how to parent. It is harder with the first child and gets easier with the second child. Unfortunately the older child is the one who we learn with so they suffer the most and the second and others get to sail right through from what we learn from the first. It is wrong and the fact is we know it and most of us do try to compensate for it, some don't.
Back to your question; your dad may think he is teaching you how to manage your money by saying no to things you want to buy with your own money. Being an adult he may not see the need or the benefit of what you want. Therefore he say's something like; "you don't need to waste your money on that." As someone who has made his living in sales I can tell you if the person you are trying to sell something to does not see a need or benefit to what you offering they won't buy.
If this is the case with your father then my first recommendation would be. You need to show your dad why you need not just you want it. You also need to show him there is some benefit to why you want to make this purchase. Under those heading don't go up to him as say, "I want it because every other kid in school has it." "Doing so will probably get you know where with your dad.
My second recommendation is find out why your dad thinks you have stolen this money. IF you can prove to him how wrong he is then do so. If say some of this money came from cash birthday gifts write down on a piece of paper how much came from whom. Like $5 from Aunt on this occasion and so on. If you get an allowance and you put some away each week, write that down. It may add up to more than what you have and that is okay for you can also write down what you spend money on. Such as lunch at school; a slice of pizza after school, hamburgers or something when at the Mall with friends or other things you might spend small amounts of your own money on.
If your father thinks you stole that money then somewhere along the line you did something or he believes you did something that has caused him to mistrust you. It is unfortunate if he preserves' this mistrust. You are still the one that has to earn it back or prove to him he is wrong. If he is anything like my father was he will never admit he was wrong but will accept your apology or proof you did nothing wrong.
It is tough being teenagers especially a young teenager such as yourself. You’re not a child and you’re not an adult. You are what I call a tweener. People expect you to act like an adult but treat you like a child. Hang in there it does get better.
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It might help to have an example as to what they won't allow you to spend your own money on, as that seems unreasonable as you stated. Lets say you wanted to get a small tattoo with money you saved up, I can see a parent having an issue with that. Even though its not anything terrible but those are the kinds of decisions you should be making when older, an adult yourself at 18. If you are simply wanting to pay your own way to go to the movies several times with friends, they may not want you to spend money on something that you later have nothing to show for it.
Somehow, I don't think there is good communication on either side. If the money you have has been collected over time as birthday and Christmas gifts, I am sure it has all been forgotten by Dad. He needs to be aware this is your gift money you've been saving hard and you want to be able to use your own money to purchase something. Why he would instantly think you stole money when you show it to him sounds absolutely nuts. Unless he as a kid stole and is thinking all kids do or he's heard from his close friends that all their kids a bit older than you have been stealing and breaking rules and doing wrong for years, he may think all teens do. Perhaps an older sibling has gotten into trouble that way. It is not fair to judge you by a standard that doesnt apply to you. If there is information missing that you think may be helpful, write back to me at my column and mention you're the kid with the 43 dollars saved so i know who I am answering as there is no identifying info to know who you are otherwise.
You didn't mention Mom and what she specifically has to say. Is Dad like this with everyone in the family? Perhaps he has a controlling personality and in that case, he won't just treat you that way but everyone in other situations, making assumptions and ordering others what to do, not to do. If Mom keeps silent and never interfere's she may do so to keep the peace if he is controlling. As you can see, there are many possible reason why this can be happening, a controlling behavior being one of them but i Can't really know and help better unless i know a little more.
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