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Coming out: I am scared and don't know what to do!
I'm a lesbian and I'm not sure how to tell my family. They are very Christian and homophobic. I asked my best friend but she wasn't sure. She said I definitely need to do it though. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Please help me
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First of all your friend is wrong. You don't HAVE to. Coming out is for when you're ready, the right time.
Being your parents are homophobic and Christian there isn't much room for hope of acceptance. The thing you have to remember is that you have to make sure you are safe over anything. Many LGBT youth are kicked out of their homes and I don't want the same for you. I am also a lesbian and haven't come out to my parents because I feared being kicked out. Being almost 19 now I will be leaving for university in the fall and will tell them there because I will at least have a place to live. Don't feel the need to tell them because your friend says so. Your safety comes first.
It will be a burden sometimes but you will be okay. Just don't jeopardize your situation right now. Best of luck xx
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While society is coming along in this area, even in many religious communities, some people still hold very strong and often negative opinions regarding homosexuality. I'm sure I don't have to tell you as that you are clearly facing your own struggles about coming out.
First and foremost, I think your friend is 100% right here. It's not healthy or good not to be true to yourself.
While I can't tell you specifically how you should do it, perhaps hearing the stories of how others did could help you.
One a similar note, there are some great resources out there from groups like [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
As far as the religious perspective goes, there are a lot of things you can use to help. For example, Lady Gaga's Song "Born This Way" by a very Christian person, tells us that God makes no mistakes. So, you being who you are is not a mistake or wrong.
On a more scriptural basis, I would suggest the writings on author and minister (who actually preaches in very fundamentalist churches) Philo Thelos - perhaps his work "God In Not A Homophobe" may open their eyes to a different view. Another good source of info if [Link](Mouse over link to see full location).
When you do come out, it may be hard for your parents to deal with but if they love you, as they are indeed commanded to by Christian doctrine, they will hopefully come around eventually.
Good luck.
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Hon, you're still not an adult. So as far as they are concerned, they are still in the parenting and teaching you the right thing to do stage. I used be Christian and narrow minded when younger and raising my kids and then did a 180 and took off in a more open minded direction.
I agree young kids and teens can know if they are transgender, or gay for example.
But when narrow minded as a Christian parent I made certain rules for my kids, church said Harry Potter books are evil and my kids were not allowed to read them so I enforced that. Years later, I realized that there is nothing in the books that could harm my teens and they were allowed to read the books and watch the movies. Most parents won't change as easily on their own if at all, as I did. But I understand where they will be coming from. Their hearts intention will be a good one. Because they are acting based on what they believe is the only right way, Christian beliefs, not one iota of it being in error or to be questioned. Lets say, they are right and Christianity is the only right way and everyone else is wrong, in that case, it is darn well their duty to teach you the right way to go. And that dear, is where they are currently stuck. So I suggest you wait until you turn 18 and are of the legal age of consent, and then decide when to tell the parents. Most likely, the time will come when you find a partner you want to date or marry and bring to family get togethers at holidays. I have a brother in law who never married and late in life embraced the fact he was gay. Then he found a partner. Once he had, he called to tell the parents before Christmas as he lived in another state and wanted to bring his partner with him. Mom said whatever made him happy as an adult, would make her happy. Thats all she wanted, that he be happy.
Your parents have the image in their mind of a son-in law and future grandchildren, a blend of you and him. Your choices will be use a sperm bank or adopt. All if this will shatter and shake their beliefs. You may as an adult still hear their concerns over you going to hell for this choice when it simply isn't true. Of course if a person believes they have only one chance to get it right, the current lifetime, then of course a person must get it right this time. But the God is know is like the parents I had, growing up, if I did something wrong a couple of times, I wasn't excommunicated from the house, I got more than one or two chances to learn to do things as I was told. If earthly parents will be patient and give many chances, how could the creator be any less. I believe in reincarnation so I no longer worry about my own grown children if they are doing something I don't totally like or agree with. When you become an adult they no longer have a right to 'parent and train you', they still have a right to worry about you but their role changes. If you are old enough to go to college or get a job and an apt with a sweetie, then great, you won't be under their roof and have the freedom to do as you wish.
If you decide to tell him while 18 or older and still living under their roof, they have a right to enforce what happens under their roof, but not in your life. For example they can say they don't want your partner to come with you to visit, or you can't stay overnight and have sex, but they can't tell you to stop being Gay. So as far as any current lesbian partners, if will have to be done in secret if you don't want a lot of daily pressure and emotional stress from them that you can not escape as you are still under age and not able to move out on your own. When you do tell, I suggest you do so After having moved out to college dorm or own place.
I also would suggest you looking for gay or Lesbian support groups online and join so you can talk to other people who came out to parents as a teen, as college age and find out what the
Good luck dear.
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You don't HAVE to do it.
I don't like saying that, but it's entirely true. My best friend is gay, and he's never come out to his family. I don't think he ever intends to, since he's pushing 30 at this point. He felt, that for him personally, coming out was more trouble than it was worth. He knew his family wouldn't respond well and that he might not get to see them ever again if he did come out. So he just didn't.
He did move out of state and has a long-term boyfriend he lives with. He does come home for holidays and just doesn't bring it up.
Some of the family knows, of course. His brothers figured it out, and I think some cousins around his age, but they don't say anything.
I understand that it's really hard to hide a vital piece of yourself from people that you love. I know that's really hard to consider the fact they might reject you, and the very real reality that not every family comes around. I've seen people get thrown out for being gay. I've seen their family send them away to get brainwashed into being straight. I've seen them under so much religious pressure to be straight that they got married to the opposite sex and killed themselves after a while. I've seen physical violence from family because someone came out... I understand that this isn't easy and it's horrifically terrifying.
That's why you should know that you DON'T HAVE TO come out. Especially not right now. You could definitely put it on the shelf and come out after you graduate high school and college and move out and know that you're not going to end up homeless if this doesn't go well. You really need to sit down and think about your backup plan. If you tell them and it goes bad, what will you do? I hope you have a solid support system in your life, and you should consult with them.
Don't jump the gun on this just because you dislike having a secret. Secrets like this are really hard, but they're really hard for a reason. You have to know that no matter what happens you're going to be okay. <3
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It's hard to give you full advice on the matter because I do not know how old you are, but I'll give you advice from what I know. It can be very scary to come out to anybody especially your family even if they aren't homophobic. Tell them at your own time and if you think that they would kick you out, you may have to either come up with a backup place to stay/live or keep it a secret from them. There is a possibility though that they will be okay because you are their daughter so they will love you no matter what. Those are the two possibilities you must keep in mind. Let me know how old you are so i can give you more advice
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