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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hello. Uhm, im in a long distance relationship for like 2 and a half months and i can say that its really hard. We never see each other. by the way im 16 turning to 17 (oct) and my boyfriend is 18 turning to 19 this coming June. our first month, everything is perfect, no misunderstanding, we're just happy all the time. we talk everyday using fb or Skype. we always spend 3-5 hours talking and talking. In our 2nd month, i feel like our relationship is starting to fall, we dont talk that much and sometimes, we have a misunderstanding. Thats because of our time and distance, he started to work and i feel like he dont have time for me. Yeah i love him and i can't deny it. The day of our second monthsary, we talked and since that day, we fixed and we tried to understand each other. he's aloof sometimes and he's the one who told me that but i noticed it. A while ago, we talk about the distance again.
(He knew that im impatient)
i told him that i can't afford to go to his place coz its too far and the plane ticket is expensive (we're like 9000 miles away) i told him that if i will go to his place, i will not stay long, i have to go back where i came from. and he said
"Why would you go back? It would be so hard to get back to the US again, Plus if you were going away again, i wouldn't do it in the first place"

(i live somewhere here in asia and he lives in the US)
.. i told him that i can't stay forever because im not a citizen there, and i told him

"only if i will get married there then it would be easy"

and he said

"yeah, i know, Its just I don't know if im ready for that."

i told him that im not forcing him , he's the one who will decide on it, he said

"were both young, i will be 20 next year and u will be 18 but okay, i will think about it"

i told him that im ready, just decide if he wants... (the condition is, when we get a marriage papers, we will not form a family, we will still treat each other bf/gf and not wife and husband, we have to work before we will form a family) .
.. what if he will say yes, what should i do? i feel ready but im not sure if i can handle my part if the time comes. what do you think? am i goig to marry him if he will say yes?

A big issue for two people who get along great online in an LDR, is when they finally meet, thats the first time you'll have a chance to know whether you both have a pheremone connection, or as people call it, Chemistry. I have a link to an article about pheremones and chemistry.
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/the-truth-about-pheromones-100363955/?no-ist

While the effects of it (pheremones) are not so dramatic in a one time scientific test upon a person, I can attest by personal life example, when two peoples pheremones are not compatible or have little in common, the end result over time, (not necessarily when first meeting) is to become disenchanted with, there is no desire sexually anymore and people divorce or cheat at this point to get sexual needs taken care of.

In an ideal situation, whether dating or married, a relationship has both 'being best of friends' and 'sexual compatibility' as the supporting foundation of a relationship.

Where people get led off track is they mistake something called 'new relationship energy' with real chemistry because of the excitement level. NRE is something humans experience from childhood in other situations. Example: Theres a toy you wanted so bad as a gift and you told the parents about it over and over. Obsessed over a friend who had the toy and in store, you'd try to play with it. Once you received the object you desired so greatly, it was fun for the first couple weeks, maybe even months but eventually began to lose it's interest to you. That, is this energy I speak of. Exciting at first but slowly fades away. It happens in relationships and you have no way of knowing if you will even have that connection with him once you're able to meet. then how can you be sure its the real thing or just NRE at the time?
It is best to meet in person first and have a chance to get to know the person over more than a handful of months time. The best way I can think of is for you to find a way to attend college in the u.S. IF You can work that out and the two of you see each other as often as possible without getting married. Then after you finish college, you'll know if he's not the one for you and return home or you stay and marry him if he's willing. If he's not sure by time you graduate, then its not meant to be and you go back home.

Getting a marriage license but not living together and not being a couple in the full sense of the word is not going to help you determine if he's right for you. So with all that said, I have no psychic abilities to foresee your future, and so I can't tell you if you will or won't marry him but with the information I've shared, perhaps you have a better chance of determining that for yourself.

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I dont know if you can tell what people posted before but I asked for help because of my 15 year old sister (im 12) because she was being unreasonable against my parents but I just found out that they are being REALLY annoying to her(especially my dad), he has been making her take school VERY VERY seriously, making her write in her agenda, which noone uses not even in my grade, and he has been really serious and giving her talks alone in her bedroom with the door closed(which means hes being really serious). Like I said in my other question, I dont really need advice, I just need to tell someone and I wanna feel heard but I dont wanna go pour out all my feelings on my friends because I know that they wouldnt really care and they would find it annoying.

I understand and you are a good sister for being concerned for her. What you see happening is probably coming up for you when you're in HS as well.
I dont know what your parents are really like. Some parents are loving but strict and the kids may think they are horrible annoying parents.

When a person has a baby and raises that child, babies don't come with instruction manuals and lots of people have natural parenting skills, while others don;t at all and make all the serious mistakes they could with a child. You both are at an age when gaining some independance is good and this is a good time for parents to change how they parent allowing you to make some choices of your own within a set boundary of limits. Some parents just dont get it and so all they do to compensate is get on the kids nerves.

There is only real need for concern and reaching out for help if they neglect to provide the basics of home, food, clothes and such until a child turns 18. Thats a law. You girls also have a right to be treated with respect, your bodys belong to you, no one else can touch or do anything abusive to you. That includes physical or sexual abuse and verbal abuse which is constant attack with words. If anything of the sort is going on, or you're not sure if it qualifies as such, go talk to a school counselor with your concerns of whats going on. Otherwise, you both will just have to do your best, talking calmly to parents and making a pact to be pleasant and not over react if they will also to willing to listen and give you some leeway to begin to learn in tiny steps how to be an adult. That may in fact be what they are doing that you find annoying but in the long run, you and sis have a better start at adulthood when you turn 18 and are off to college or move out on your own. If any of the things they ask and expect of either of you don't make sense, you can always ask. Not 'why do I have to? in a whiney voice. But "I want to understand why you want me to do this. Not that I am not willing but I need to understand the purpose you see in teaching me to use an agenda. That principle are you trying to teach me? Cus I can just follow thru and obey your rules but never get what you were trying to teach me. So I would like to from now on be able to fully discuss things like this with you. That is a very adult like conversation and they most likely will see by the words that their child is maturing and really to have these kinds of talks and explanations from them.

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I am 17 years and i am in a relationship with a 25 year old. We have been in and out of the relationship since i was 15.We were both virgins and after dating for sonetime we had sex. I was 15 that time.He has been a good boyfriend but i sometimes dont trust him. He is too kind to everyone...including his exs..when i am finished talking to him at nights he would still be up texting...i would see his last seen is 3 in the morning. I never told him about it because i am afraid he would be mad. He told me though that he thinks it is unfair to be with more than one person. I want to believe him but during our break up he was sexting other girls and he indirectly mentioned it to me.so i am thinking that this or these girls and him still talk.

What you have right now is a suspicion, a darned good one based on the fact of his admitting to still talk to exs.
At 23, he was a virgin? Well, he still had sexual needs, so he likely masturbated alot and some like to do so using photos of girls. So it's entirely possible he has been doing so. It could just be a habit hard to break, or he has such a high libido that he needs more than you and he do, and does this to make up for his needs...that is IF he is sexting. It is entirely possible on the other hand that like my husband, he prefers female friends to male friends altho hubby has both but more female and he is the only emotional support to his ex who is having a hard life right now. His talking to her probably prevents her from totally losing it and trying to kill herself so I understand. However, in my case, any of his contact with any females is done out in the open in front of me as he has nothing to hide, its all on the level, any old female friends. I have in fact either talked to them myselves or FB mssg chatted. They are no threat to my relationship and do not interfere with the amount of time he gives to me as his first priority.

You'll need to talk and ask for each of yourselves to be totally honest with each other. Lots of guys hide things that are not really bad, because they assume all girls will react with extreme jealousy and drama. Right now I think you want the truth more than anything. So tell him you have something to confess and mention your feelings of not knowing what to trust. (Trust is extremely important. Without, relationships fail) And you might mention you know he's up at 3 am texting. Then tell him you won't over react but need to know exactly what he's doing up at those hours. You can say whatever you like as long as you don't directly accuse him. such as "I hope you understand my point of view. If you found I was consistant texting at 3 am, you'd want to know who I had to talk to without you knowing, making it seems like a big secret and some things are things because they are not on the level. So I hope you can understand why I would feel suspicious if you were in the same shoes. All I want to know is what's really going on and why. I want you to feel free to bring up any concerns, even if they be sexual. Perhaps theres something more one of us wants and as a couple, we should be able to talk it out and come to a compromise, or if there is no compromise, at least admit that, part on friendly terms if need be. You're at a point where I am willing to work with you to make things right. If you lie and I catch this later, it'll be worse for you because I will dump you as I wont tolerate sneaking behind my back for anything over talking to me and I wont tolerate lying either. Trust is important in a relationship cus relationships split up when there isn't any. So I see this as serious. What have you to say."
If he admits to something you don't like and you decide to just accept that cus you love him and settle for less, you wont be really happy and it trains him that he can get away with anything he wants with you so it can progress to much worse scenerios where he brings you an STD.

If you're wondering but don't need to know and want to pretend all is ok, that is your choice but if it was important enough for you to write us, I believe you can't let this alone and ignore it which means facing it full on in the open with him.

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My boyfriend and I have been going to the same gym for quite some time but just recently (~3 months) started going out. We actually have the same model cars so I let him drive my car while we went somewhere the other day. He offered to drive since I had uncomfortable shoes on. But he was driving so slow I said "if you want you can go fast" but he SLAMMED on the gas to the floor! I said "without killing it" but dont think he heard, thank god the light turned red. Then I drove back but fast too just to show him I can too, I said I go fast too but I do it gradually without strain you see. And he knows I usually drive fast. I leaned on the gas pedal gently slowly building up speed as always. After we're in front of the house boom my car starts overheating, he put antifreeze and it made to the next morning. Next day I get stuck on the highway boiling engine, I bought it to the mechanic. He said leave it 3 days to diagnose.

I left it, I told my boyfriend hey I think you broke my car and most likely its a head gasket (no joke ~$1000) he said but you drove fast too how do you know i broke it (meanwhile he was the one that floored it with pressure which causes gaskets to blow). I said let me drive your car, and he said "no I feel like something will happen to my car now. I cant let you do that." I said "why..you're the one that broke my car not me, so you don't trust me but I trusted you with my car". I asked what if I did drive your car right now and something happened, he said he would want me to pay half and said I think that's what you want me to do. Later we argued and I said "Maybe I didnt even want to drive your car now, maybe I was just testing you, now I see what i had to." And he got mad he said "oh so you're just playing mind games with me, I hate that sh**, I'm not going to answer and feed your mind games" and for 6 days he still didn't ask or write while I'm living hell. Before I said that he was like "well let me know what the mechanic says", but now nothing!
Who do you think is at fault for killing the car, who should pay how much if it is a 1000 gasket? I really feel that he should pay at least half but have a feeling he really won't and I'm pretty sure we are through. My mechanic will call pretty soon and I dont know what to do or say. I've been sick and nauseous for days over emotional distress. Please help.

I wouldn't be looking to pin faults. As already said, age of car and the actual parts will matter more. If a new car and someone did that and there was a problem with overheating, it would then be a faulty part in a new car, something that is likely covered by the maker of the car. If it is a used car, and either the part was about ready to go anyways. If driving fast made it occur sooner, like a couple weeks sooner than otherwise, a mechanic can surely tell you if your theory holds any water. But flooring it causing the problem? I don't think so. The part that actually had the issue might have broken down real soon anyways if it was that old and worn. It's unlikely that flooring it caused a part to break down if a mechanic says it would've...only made it happen a bit sooner. You might ask the mechanic what his guess is how long before your car might've broke down without flooring it. If your car has computerized parts, it could be a computer part telling your car the water pump being broken when it wasn't. I had a car that consistantly had computer chips breaking down telling my car to quit working to protect it from further damage. It is in my opinion nothing more than a coincidence that your boyfriend drove your car recently before it broke down. It is more likely if it was that close to breaking down and flooring it would have bought this on that it would have broken down right then. Since it didn't, you can't blame him and I don't believe any small claims court would side with you over something like this. You and your boyfriend have the same mentality as you showed with his feelings being the same as yours if it was the other way around. The expense of repair is solely the responsibility of the owner when is comes to working parts under the hood or bad brakes or axles and such. If he drove it and dented the car, then the bodywork would obviously be his responsibility to pay.
So to answer the actual question, who is at fault. Neither of you in my opinion. Unless the mechanic says otherwise.

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Good morning all,
I am a 24 year old female and I live with my mother, who has narcissistic personality disorder. Due to this disorder, she is obsessed with me in a way that is not healthy. She believes that I am her doll. I have endured psychological and emotional abuse beyond what I can explain in 2000 characters. If you are not familiar with the disorder, feel free to look it up. Also, look up narcissistic victim syndrome. This is what I am suffering from. I don't have enough money to move to a place of my own. My mom has also stolen my identity and completely ruined my credit, so I cannot afford to lease an apartment or anything like that. I am currently trying to find a roommate, at church or something, who may offer me a place that I can rent for cheap. I have my degree in education, but I am currently working on my master's and I don't make very much money. I would take out loans to pay for rent, but like I said, with the credit, no one will rent to me. One of the most horrible things that my mom has done is threaten me to break up with my boyfriend. I don't want to get into this whole ordeal as to why or what happened. Because honestly it's more about keeping up her appearance. She wants me to be with someone that she finds handsome, someone rich, so that he can provide for her and provide her with a lifestyle that she wants. And even if he doesn't extend that offer to her, she can show off her "rich daughter." The problem is that I am in love. We have been together for three years and we love each other very much. We are best friends. And after three years, we still get butterflies every time we are going to see each other. We often talk about getting married and how great it will be. I am very worried that my family and my mom will not come to the wedding and I guess I will just cross that bridge when I get there. But... in the meantime, I have a serious problem. I have been seeing him in secret for almost a year now. It has been a bad problem because we can barely see each other. And when we do, it has to be super secret. I am so afraid of my mom. In all honestly, I am not exaggerating when I say that I fear for my life. I am afraid that she is going to kill me in my sleep, or kill him. Or, at least hire someone to do it. Right now, they invited another family member to live with us and I don't even have my own bedroom, so I have to sleep with her. Tonight, I need to go to an important event with my boyfriend, and I don't know how I am going to get around her. I don't know where or how I can tell her that I'm going somewhere, and be at peace knowing that she is not around spying on me. The thought of her finding out makes me want to throw up. I am starting to get serious physical illnesses. I have been hospitalized 5 times because it has gone to my stomach... vomiting, diarrhea. I suffer from irritable bowl syndrome and terrible panic attacks. I have started to get very depressed and to be completely honest, I don't feel like living anymore. I would never do anything to myself because I am very religious and I consider that to be a terrible choice, and honestly, would be very selfish of me. I have people who need me, and I don't think that my mom needs to ruin their lives too. By 5:00pm today, I need to be there. It will be over by 7:30. I just need to get past today to worry about next week. Next week is his graduation from graduate school and I need to be there. My mom does not work on Saturdays or anything like that, so I need to keep her busy. Please, I beg for someone to help me with this. I will get help for my mom and for myself and I will come out of this. But, I need someone to help me with a precise plan as to how I can lie to her about tonight and make sure she doesn't see me. She has no friends, so it's not as if I can call up a friend and tell them to keep her busy. She has no one. She is only obsessed with me and I am her entire world. Someone please give me an alternative for tonight. I think that at 24, and all I've been through, I'm entitled to a nice evening with the person I love.

Please!

Unless you can get a girl friend to verify you went to her house and you both went to the movies (in case Mom asks, I know of no other lie that would work. Of course she has to be okay with lying for you. I am not one for lying in general but do know there are circumstances in life when it is the better choice for certain reasons--like yours--than telling the truth. But you must have your story straight and choose a movie thats actually currently playing to give the same answer. Being at a movie, you need to have cell phones turned off so you can't answer phone (is the perfect excuse for no answer if she calls while you're gone to check on you) Yes, I have known a narcissist in my past and understand your situation.

Please talk to your pastor again He needs to know how this is affecting your health. He needs to ask from the pulpit next Sunday for someone to come forward and volunteer to take you into their home to live. This is the perfect opportunity for the believers to put their money where their mouth is so to speak. I don't know how anyone is your church could go to bed at night if they know what narcissism is like and sleep peacefully while knowing what you have to face every day. I see the church right now as your only option to escape Mom. Good luck dear.

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I was towards the back of the line for communion last Sunday, and drank when there was only a little left. Then on Monday I started having sore throat symptoms, then by Tuesday, I had full blown strep throat, with chills and a fever. I'm now on antibiotics. I'm now questioning how often I should drink from the chalice. Is it fine if I only go on special occasions, and only if I am in the first 2 pews? Im also concerned, could it just be a germ issue, did I drink too much of the wine or was it merely meant to graze my lips, or does the fact I got sick mean I committed some kind of mortal sin? I don't think I've done a mortal sin, and I went to confession on easter, unless I'm going to have to to every week in order to take communion every week. I thought the point of communion was we weren't worthy and would never be worthy, but Jesus loves us anyways. I'm not someone that normally gets sick, I haven't even had strep throat in years, I can't even remember if I've ever had it or how long ago I did. I did nothing else different on that Sunday, and now I'm not going to drink from the cup as I'm still recovering. Is it ok if I just had the bread?

Even if a Pastor, Priest swipes at the lip of the cup/chalice with a cloth, it is a very good way to catch such germs. I attended a place that bought the individual "mini shot glass servings to put wine in with a silver tray of lots of holes to hold the little cups in, enough for just one sip. It was what you grabbed as you passed by the pastor, or bigger places just had ushers come to row ends and start trays passing down each row. You do what you need to, to protect yourself. Dont drink and when you see the Priest and grab only bread, you can whisper, I got strep throat immediately after last communion from the chalice. I am still recovering. I will not drink from it as I do not wish to pass this on to anyone else as someone was so thoughtful to do for me. (yep, a bit of sarcasm) you dont have to add that in..LOL.
At a separate meeting, you might ask the priest and Elders to come out of the dark ages and start using individual servings. I'll even bet that this is a way that oral herpes is passed on. It is too selfish to continue to use a Chalice out of tradition just because its always been done that way. That would be like people choosing today not to wear seatbelts just because in Grand daddys day no one had to wear seat belts or cars didn't come with them. It is very foolish. Communion itself isn't foolish but we tend to take some of our traditions too seriously and one that is potentially harmful to many people should be discontinued.
I would advise you to learn to think for yourself. I have a church background and know what Christians are taught in church. There tends to be too many stories where God is spoken of as being everything other than a loving parent. If you grew up with imperfect or abusive human parents, I can see assuming God is the same. We tend to think of God as having human emotions. But I came to a point in my life where once I began to have a really close one on one relationship with God, talking with Him and hearing back from him, that I realized, He was nothing at all like what too many Christian churches portray. The God I know, talks in the every day common language I speak, not King James. God will do something I've never heard the church or Bible tell us, that He has a sense of humor. God has said things before to me that have made me laugh. That is good. Laughter is the best medicine.
You are not looking at the bigger picture, thinking that where you are in line will make a difference. You can be just number two. And if the first one had cold sores around the mouth, a sign of oral herpes, you could have it passed to you. So your solutions are not good enough solutions.
So what I am saying in a nutshell, God does not hand out sickness randomly to any person who may have done wrong. In this case its a simple case of unclean health practices bringing sickness upon you.
As I see it, you have several choices, no matter how long you've attended this place or how long its been done this way.
1. Talk to Elders before hand and explain what happened to you and that you will take communion at home from now on and not from a public cup.
2. Or if they desire for you to do so with the family of God, urge them to purchase the disposable indivual servings cups for sanitary purposes.
3. If they don't and to punish you for not taking communion, decide to ask you to leave, then find a church where they use the individual cups.
4. Skip talking to the elders and go somewhere that practicdes a more updated version of communion.

If anyone thinks that Jesus would be offended by you not using a chalice, I feel sorry for them because with such a thought, they've just lowered Jesus to their standards, a human who takes things personally and seeks retaliation if He doesnt get things his way. That is not God. That is a man made image of God that is false.

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21/f
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We flirted, hung out a couple of times, and hit it off. We texted every day since we met and he confessed that he liked me and wanted to see how things progressed with us. We ended up making out and talked about possibly doing more in the future.
All this time, he denied having a girlfriend. I know how guys can be, so I asked him (more than once) if he was single. He assured me he was.
Turns out he lied. I got a tip from someone on Facebook that he'd been lying to me and had a girlfriend, and even showed me a snapshot of the girl's profile, where her default pic is one of the two of them, posted just a few days ago. The message was anonymous; the profile looked very obviously fake, so I have no idea who it was that messaged me or how he/she found me or WHY he/she felt the need to tell me instead of the girlfriend. All I know is that they haven't told her and are not planning to. It's odd that they'd tell me instead of her so I have this sneaking suspicion that the "anonymous tip" came from a friend of mine... but that's irrelevant.
Point is, I ended up telling the guy off the next day and completely cut contact with him. But now I'm left wondering, should I tell the girlfriend? I don't want to get involved. I only knew the guy for a couple of weeks and I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm not one for drama and I don't want this to be my problem, which it will be if I say something. I don't know the girl at all, all I know is her facebook page. We don't have any mutual friends, nothing. It would just be her getting a message from a stranger telling her that she made out with her boyfriend. She may not even believe me. And whether she does or she doesn't, you can bet the guy won't be happy about it at all and might even try to get back at me somehow for ruining his relationship - which, again, I don't want to get in the middle of. Their relationship is none of my business; HE'S none of my business.
I feel like I have every reason to just keep my mouth shut and forget about it, but it all comes back to ONE important fact: If I were her, I'd want to know. She's probably all happy with him thinking she has this super nice boyfriend, but her super nice boyfriend was taking ME out on dates, DENYING her existence, wanting to hang out with me, HOOK UP with me, saying he liked me...
I'm not a bitter person. I'm not a vengeful person. I'm annoyed that I got played, but I don't feel the need to get back at him on my own behalf (though I know I have every right to). If anything, all I want to do for my sake is NOT tell. But it's not about me. It's not about him. It's about this girl who's getting cheated on and he shouldn't get away with it just because the girl he chose to cheat with is too "nice" to do anything about it. Am I wrong?
What should I do? I honestly can't decide. Even if I did tell her, how should I go about it? How do you even tell someone something like that, especially when you don't know each other at all? Help?

I don't know what to tell you dear. It seems odd that as soon as you got sexual with this guy someone anonymously sends you a message. There were two weeks where you could have been seen together. Why did some mystery person send a mssg only after hooking up. Is hooking up the only thing that counts as cheating? Or what of just the chatting and texting and hanging out with you if he really had a girlfriend.
i understand theres a photo of him with a girl. But There are some real weirdos out there who get a kick out of messing with peoples heads. You can't trust anything you see on the internet. There's even a TV show now of people who get misled by a lover in an LDR and come to find that everything was fake and they aren't who they said they are. Sorry but I have a very suspicious mind and won't take 100% as truth what I see on the net. So here's a few scenerios I came up with. The pic could be one of this guys sister or cousin, even single pics as he's a family member and could've put up a profile anonymous with this supposed girl to make it look like someone unknown is warning you when its a kick he gets from messing with peoples minds an he knows it worked if you got mad at him. I seriously knew a guy for a short while who did this stuff to me just cus he got a kick out of it until I thought I was going crazy so I ended the relationship.
I understand he's a real person so his texts and pics and profiles are real.
Why would a person be afraid to let you know who they were if passing this info on to you.
Give it some thought dear cus this is where I get stuck as I think about this. If it was a best friend of yours, and she cares about you, then bad as the news may be and even if you didn't believe her, she would send you the message directly, not anonymously. Isn't that what you have thought of doing? Sending a message to this girl and not concerned over being anonymous as you mention?
What if, just what if this girl is someone whom your guy used to date but she dumped him and he is major pissed and wants to get back at her now that she has a new boyfriend. He wants to ruin her new relationship. So you write to her telling her you hooked up with her boyfriend. What if she thinks of her new boyfriend and then dumps him cus of your message, never thinking you were refering to the guy you were with, her ex. This sounds way too fishy to me to take any further actions based on this all being true. It could be the other way around and a jealous girl who he dumped sent the message to you to make you dump him so she felt she had a better chance at getting him back? There is no way for me to prove my theories any more real than there is for you to believe this is 100% legit. What you could do is write to this girl and explain that you got a strange anonymous email after you began dating a guy for a couple weeks. Hooking up doesnt have to be mentioned, as you're just trying to find out who she is and if she even knows the guy you're talking about. Then tell her what the message said and ask her if she knows a guy by the name of ...... and if so, what relation is he to her. Play the detective here. This way you should have your answers pretty quick and know if this is some cruel joke or for real. Do not jump to conclusions because of a lack of trust in guys in general. I know its hard. I have jumped to conclusions before until someone else pointed out I didn't have any solid proof. Pics and profiles on the net can be faked. Think of net worlds with avis where everyone looks 30 and some guy falls in love with one. But she in real life is an 80 yr old overweight, wheelchair bound lady who gets to experience things in an avi world that she no longer can in real life. Not purposely misleading, just playing a game where nothing and no one you meet there is for real and you know it. Well it's just as possible in other areas. Perhaps he is cheating on you. But the fb mssg is too fishy to count on as the truth. As you said, why didn't they tell his girlfriend then if thats so, and how did they find you and know your name on FB. Do the digging and asking and see what you come up with. What if some 3rd person is playing a cruel joke on him and you're caught in the crossfire. What if he is really innocent here?

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I'm beggining to hate them...
Here's the story

My bestfriend and I had this project in electronics, we spent four whole weeks graphing it, and buying all the parts needed in order to make it, and another 5 weeks assembling it. I promise, we did our best, but by the time we were going to pass it, one of the circuits broke down and the transformer burned down. So he bought a new one and he said he'll try to do it at his house. In the afternoon, he had this huge problem, the circuits of the new transformer was different from the one on our design, so there was no choice but to spend the night with him, and so it all began.

I asked my parents if I could spend the night at his house. They said no. So I cant do anything but persuade them, they legit said the rudest things. They said that I cant ever sleep in anyone of my schoolmates' houses because everyone there cant be trusted, they said my school had a bad reputation and everyone is immoral except me. At this point, I imagined all the parents including my bestfriend's who treated me so nicely when I went to their homes, and my parents are directly bashing them without any information. But there's something worse...

After that, I told them that I have already proven that my friend's arent stereotypes. Then what did they say? "You're friend is gay, you'll be sleeping under one blanket and I know he'll do dirty things on you! He's a fag."

Ok, before i rage, let me give you a few infos. I'm 17, my bestfriend's 16. The reason why they think he's gay is only because he acts childish. He hasnt matured yet, making him too polite. I've done everything to make them proud, I have a high position at a religious organization, my grades are all the highest, and i have treated them with upmost respect...

I knew if I raged, I would've made everything worse, so i just killed off one of the characters of the book im writing to express my feelings. Please help me, I texted my bestfriend and he told me we can try to make it before our teacher arrives, at 6 in the morning... So I went here and typed out my grief instead.

I'm with Adviceman, I too wonder how your parents came to be so narrow minded. I can make assumptions based on the fact you mentioned a religious organization you're part of. But having attended church from my teens until my 40's, I know what it can be like. I left because I learned to think for myself and not blindly believe what church leaders said. If your parents are involved heavily in church, it may be that what they hear from the pulpit has influenced them. I know I let it influence me when my kids were little. I was told Harry Potter was not a book any Christian child should read, its of the Devil. It wasn't until they were teens we saw the first movie and I realized it was nothing more than pure imagination and good writing. No more made up than Fairy tales and stories of Ogres like Shrek. Unfortunately some people's minds can't handle what they hear and take it with a grain of salt. So, basically saying, if its church related in origin, then these beliefs were wrong to be preached to them but they also had a choice in believing it or not. So they are in error for believing it if this is the case. Or they may just be fearful people to begin with and pick it up simply from listening to bad news stories or paper articles.
I am sorry they are like that. It would seem, you are acting more like the adult and the parents like children. But until you are 18, its true, you have no legal right to go against their wishes. One would hope that all parents were more mature and the kind of person their kids want to grow up to be, but that isn't so. Many very immature or seriously messed up people become parents too easily because unlike professions in the world, this isn't something you can go to school and earn a degree in, just have sex and get pregnant. I know this doesn't make things any better.
The only thing I can think of is a situation where a teen can through the courts become legally emancipated from the parents. This means the teen can no longer expect any help from parents and is wholly responsible for paying for their own housing and food and schooling, everything. I am attaching a link that explains it a bit further. Considering that you'd need to work to support yourself, the stress level would be just as high as it is now, only you'd be making all your own choices. So my guess is that its better to stay with the parents until you turn 18, but I'd be working part time and saving up now to have a buffer in the bank if you do decide to room with a friend once you turn 18.
Heres the link tho.
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Emancipated-as-a-Teen

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I am trying to figure out how many words can go in a program ad for a recital that the page is 1/4 that I can leave a message with the person picture

Ask the person who will be doing the printing, as the size of type/lettering used can greatly affect how many words will fit. They would be your best bet for most accurate answer.

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Lately, I've looked at other girls and realized I'm not as pretty as they are. I have thick frizzy long hair, it's kinda a dirty blonde, pale skin, and my face seems plain. My dad doesn't let me wear makeup (even though I'm almost 17) so I look ridiculously awful. Can anyone give me any fashion tips on how to look pretty naturally for my face and hair please? And please don't say Im beautiful just the way I am, because I want to change my look more than anything. And any tips for hair straightening? My mom won't let me use a relaxer, and it takes forever to straighten my hair, and I can't ever seem to do it right. I also have to do it myself because my mom claims going to the hair stylist is "a waist of money"

You're not any different than other teen girls. Even the ones you think prettier. All teens worry about being accepted and liked and popular and due to being naive and inexperienced in life assume it has to do with how you look. It does to an extent but not in the way you think. Every one has personal tastes in what they like and are visually attracted to. This doesn't go away or change much when you're an adult. I've always been more visually attracted to brunettes in men and also with the longish hair to the collar or much longer. I find those looks to be sexy.
However, teens are impressionable and fall for what the media represents as the ideal look where you will be desirable.
If that were so, then the painters of nudes long around felt small breasts and rounded, not flat tummies were the look to desire, earlier models like Twiggy, named for looking practically anorexic was the in look promoted by media. then there was the Marilyn Monroe era where she had a big boned frame, and thus big curves with it and that was thought to be the only really sexy look to be attained at the time.
A small fine boned woman had not way in hell of ever looking like Marilyn cus she wasnt born with that bone structure.

On the other hand, I understand the importance of feeling good about yourself. And yes, there are ways you can do small things with the hair, eyes, skin and body your were born with. The best are finding the best hairstyle to compliment your face shape, no matter the hair texture. If not allowed to straighten hair, you'll have to wait til you turn 18 and are now an adult and can make those decisions for yourself. But color of clothes to compliment your skin color rather than clask with it is important as well as the type of fabric, design on fabric, and the cut of the clothes. It makes a bigger difference than you may think in looking good.
I have learned in my life that self confidence is very sexy to men, so much so, that considering myself to be average looking, I had them falling over themselves by the droves to get my attention once I dated again after a divorce and found my 2nd husband thru online dating. I stated exactly who I was, hid nothing from them sharing my spots and wrinkles up front so if they couldnt handle it they didn't have to go there. I had a list of exactly what I was looking for in a guy. Tho I liked long hair and other not as important things, I had the biggies that were most important, a kind patient gentle man who would tret me with respect, someone spiritual like myself, same belief not necesary, and someone my sexual equal, among a few others. I found a lot of guys just wanted sex and never gave them a reply, but so many wrote who didnt come near my criteria, so different we were but they couldn't help it, being drawn to me but one thing mainly, my self confidence in knowing what I want and not afraid to ask for it. Its harder with teen boys as they are still quite immature and havently learned what they really want or whats most important in a gal. But I've even come across tests done where men got to meet a couple women in a room. If initially drawn to a female who looked more like a model compared to the average plain looking woman, mature men didn't hang long around the beauty once she opened her mouth and they got a glimpse of her personality and confidence level. These men selected weren't the players, but those mature men seeking relationships. And pretty quickly they gave up talking to the insecure bombshell and began to talk with the more natural and average looking female who as you know didn't catch initial interest just by sight but was pretty in her own right. What hooked guys was the self confidence in the 2nd female, its like an aphrodisiac to many guys and drives them wild wanting to be close to you, have your attention focused on them even just being noticed by you. I can't say why this is, just a part of human nature. I now have early wrinkles, and let my natural grey come in tho my hair is long, wear no makeup cus I end up looking worse and fake with it and have gained a little weight since getting older. I am married but even hubby notices that men havent stopped looking at me, they still find me attractive for reasons of personal taste in women and my self confidence. Its like the lighthouse beacon in the dark to them still. I hope you can find the same someday. In the meantime, you're welcome to try all the products, perfume and clothing brands that promise you to become popular, wanted, desireable, whatever. Some of us learn the best by going through the experience the hard way as I did rather than hearing from others. Learn to do the best you can with what you have for now til youre an adult and can do as you wish. But be prepared, if you did it all, facial surgery, boob jobs, botox, hair straightening and coloring to make yourself look like a model, yes you will attract hordes of guy who are attracted to you sexually and thinking with their other head, the one between their legs. But they will be the ones who use you for sex and dont want a relationship and love, just fake the love by saying I love you when its really I lust for your body. In time, beauty fades for all of us, we cant delay old age. its a long time off but some men get picky already after shes had a kid or two and think she isnt so hot anymore and move on. You want a guy who find your natural beauty enough for him, is aroused by you just as you are and fall in love equally with your personality and looks. They are out there, Just at your age, haven't quite developed as men into that yet. Good luck with trying to find something for now that the parents will allow.

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when a guy pursues you and tells you he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, how would you take that? I've known this amazing guy since 2007. He tells me that he really cares about me, holds my hands. spends time with me and shows affection. He acts like we're in a serious relationship? He's been there for me when I've went through things in my life. But he tells me he doesn't want anything serious. I can't imagine my life without him.

I'm as baffled as you. Its one thing if a guy doesnt know the girl from before and just meets and starts dating, and says this. It then means he's only spending enough time to get to know her well enough to decide if this is someone he wants to commit to for long term or life long or not. If not, he then breaks if off, moving on.

In your case, there's lots of signs that he doe indeed have feelings for you and wants to continue to see you. So if he has in his own mind some reasons for not wanting to commit to you for long term, then thats why he would say he doesnt want anything serious.

As to what thoughts are in his head or what past experiences are keeping him from continuing on, only he knows. Possibly you can find out in time if he's comfortable enough with you and trusts you enough to not think his reasons odd or strange. Once confessed, then comes the stage of healing for him to get beyond what is holding him back and you may be able to be a catalyst for that. He knows you long enough to be able to trust you, so I would think it reasonable to ask questions of him. If he gives you an answer that you don't understand as in this case with "I dont want anything serious." dont assume you know what it means or guess at it in your head or just wonder forever what it meant. You have to ask as in, "I'm not sure why you would say such a thing when the way you act and treat me speak a different message. Could you please explain why it is that you even state such a thing to me?
Or
"I really don't understand what you are saying. Would you mind explaining?" If he is close mouthed or answers with No's. Then you can follow with, "I like you intensely too, so much I can see myself in a future with you but you cant or won't allow yourself to see yourself in a future with me. You may have a reason , you may not even know why. If you have a reason, I deserve to know what makes you so skittish. I want to be able to help you dissolve your fears or reservations if you'll let me. If you don't have a clue, I hope you spend some time doing inner reflecting and being truthful with yourself. I would rather choose you, but if you make yourself unavailable to me for a life long commitment, then the next good prospect of a guy that walks into my life will get me instead. I can't work with you on this if you don't let me. And I won't force you. So you have to make the moves here. If not, I will at some point go looking elsewhere for the love of my life.
You may not want to add that ultimatum because then you'd have to carry through on it if the worst happens and he is too hurt or damaged or thinking too negatively to think theres a future for him with you.
Read enough romance novels and you'll get a myriad of reasons why one person stupidly holds themselves back from moving forward with some they care deeply about or love. In talking to others, I've found these novels have the true reason humans hold back from commitment. It can be as crazy as "All relationships fail eventually so why even bother going there. My grandparents divorced, so did my parents, and so will I if I marry or make a commitment." It is fear of failure operating and it faulty negative thinking. Sometimes it only takes the perspective of the truth spoken by someoone once to make them realzie they were wrong. More often it takes some short term counseling to deal with this.
Another crazy reason is:"I'm not right for you. I don't want to end up tainting you with my past of wrong doing and such by getting into a relationship with you." Here the person doesn't feel worthy of you, having something bad in their past even though they have changed. They may feel that if a prospective partner were to learn the truth of what they used to do, that they would want nothing to do with them. Like driving drunk as a teen and injuring or killing the other driver. Even though having learned from their mistakes and now an upstanding citizen, they still deal with guilt and fear of distain of any girlfriend who discovers their past.

They may have another hidden secret, mental illness in family members, and afraid of passing it on, or perhaps are bi sexual, gender fluid, cross dressers in secret so rather than get rejected over it, they chose not to get serious in the first place to protect their tender heart.

Some have bitterness over past girlfriends rejections and never recovered and now assume everyone will treat them the same.
The human mind plays lots of crazy games with us like this and facing his fears or whatever makes him hesistate is the only way of making the first step to get beyond it. If you're unable to get him to do so, perhaps a counselor can but he has to be willing to go and see that he does have a problem he needs help with or it wont work.

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Long story short.A list. :
No one likes me
I have no friends
I'm an outcast
My dads gone I haven't seen him in 4 years :(
Everyone at school makes fun of me,they take my seat at lunch and tell me to sit some were else.
No one gets me
Everyone ignores me
Noons likes talking to me
I got stuck with the name 'Nadia'
I'm not normal
I'm not normal looking
I sound weird
Everyone makes fun of me
I have no one to rely on

I have no idea why you don't like Nadia. It's a beautiful name. If you dont like it however, then when an adult, you can legally change your name. I've known a few who have actually done it for reasons other than not liking it.

Lets forget for just a minute that you feel left out, hated, disliked and abandoned and imagine that you are confident instead.
As a pretty normal person, who would you be attracted to when entering a room that held only two people, the one who hangs their head, stands slumped over, wont make eye contact, is not talkative, won't acknowledge you or speak a word or would you be more attracted to the person who looks at you and says Hi and smiles when you enter the room. Most humans always gravitate towards the more open confident friendly type to have someone to talk to. The other looks like too much word to get them to be confident enough to even say Hi. tHAT my dear, is human nature.

I do understand that sometimes there are life situations that come along that can temporarily affect us that way. It happens to all of us. But another thing that is pretty common when we're young and growing up is to want to feel accepted and loved. You get that first from family before getting older and then beginning to make friends. If something happens where you lose one parent either due to their choice of just walking away or even due to death from illness or accident, a person can feel robbed, and especially abandoned. and I am willing to bet that your problems with how you feel about yourself and feel how others will always treat you, started 4 years ago or at the point that Dad initially left.

Yes, it sucks. But often, we can't do anything to change that fact. Kids and teens are impressionable and think automatically if a parent leaves, or they divorce that they caused it cus there is something wrong with them, lacking in them. When no, that is not the case. It is incorrect thinking due to the fact their brains wont be fully mature and able to even have a faint clue or understanding of this until they reach age 25 or later when the brain is fully mature. And so, beside the normal kid and teen anxiety we all go through growing up, you have this other burdon of not feeling worthy on top of it, even if you've never voiced those words while awake and conscious, it resides in your subconscious mind.

Now a bit of simple psychology to explain why your subconscious mind is at the root of all your problems and how to fix that.

All our emotions reside in the subconscious mind, good and bad, like happiness, sad, anger fear, etc.
So you can understand why I say so, think of a book or movie that made you very angry at the character or so sad you cried. Your conscious mind knows they are just actors and that scene didn't really happen but your subconscious mind is sucked into the story and views it as for real and will make you react with emotions. This is the problem, the subconscious misunderstanding or taking for real the things you dwell on the most. For you, perhaps it didn't bother you initially when Dad left, but your subconscious felt it and began to eventually make this feeling known to you by making you feel less confident, unworthy , that no one likes you or actually hates you.
I hope this isn't too much for you to understand.
But the truth here is that our inner child also resides with the subconscious and like a child, our sub. mind often takes actions that really aren't in our best interest as a person. It takes reall hard work with your conscious mind of keeping your sub. mind in line. So for one example, when the thoughts come, no one likes me cus they won't let me sit with them at lunch or wont talk to me, they are not the problem. Yes there are bullies in todays world. So you will come across one or two in your life but for every single person to be treating you so, thats not how most people would initially react. Most likely follow the examples of the few who dont get you, or understand why you are so 'in your own little world' and you're too much trouble to reach out to so they ignore you. Yes, thats a natural response in humans. It may not be the best behavior but its very common with young people. And the majority of them would not act this way if not given some reason to do so and pick on you. Do I sound like I hate you too, and am blaming you for everything. No. I am not, I know you don't realize that there are things you can do to improve the situation, and its important to make you realize that you are the answer to your situation as far as how people will see you and interact with you in the world, even far beyond teen-hood, but as adults.

I am not talking garbage and being negative because I used to be in your spot. I had both parents, no traumatic events in my past but my mom was a shy quiet person while Dad was outgoing and self confident and talked to strangers. Mom even as an adult had no friends. Only people that Dad brought home for her to meet. She was my first impression of what was normal as I spent more time with her. So I ended up going to Kingergarten so shy, self conscious with so much anxiety, that I couldnt bare to go to front of class to use the sharpener for pencil thinking it would make others stare at me and I couldnt bare having all those eyes on me. My behaviour continued thru the lower grades and though the younger ages still made friends with me, by time kids got older, it wasn't any fun anymore to try to drag me out of the closet in which I hid myself. (not literally, just by not being responsive and fun and outgoing) It was painful for me as I began to be teased by kids. I found even when people werent serious, I no longer had an idea if they were teasing or not. I limped along lucky if I made just one friend, and only because she talked to and approached me first. I usually opened up and was friendly and responsive in return and in every situation, I only got more than the one friend because she introduced me to her other friends who accepted me as well. this helped a little so that I didn't feel so bad about myself but I still hadn't changed my behavior so even in HS i had teens who formed a chain across the hall not allowing me to pass on to my class or pushed me or called me terrible names. I didn't think I looked nice, I had to wear glasses and yes, I knew I sounded weird too. My reason, my tongue was held too close to bottom of mouth by an anchoring skin, I learned German as my first language from Mom so my english had the accent plus the common speech problems of lisping and not pronouncing r's and l's and others right. I had things knocked out of my hands and so on...pretty much as miserable a life as you say yours is. What did I discover as I grew older, that I was the cause of it all. Yep I can say that and I changed that. Sr year in HS, I was sick and tired of being so shy and anxious, I prayed and asked God to help. He gave me homework to do. lets call it life work tho. Every day I was to do a little something to help me gain self confidence and come out of my shell at a rate,or pace that I was comfortable with. By the end of my Sr. year, I was starting conversations with others, was well liked and admired in the church youth group I had joined and continued on to learn and grow and refine my behavior even into my thirties when I had kids already. there was always some small lingering thing for me to work on. So I know its possible to for life to change around drastically even though you cant see it, simply because I've done it. If I was that same perosn, I wouldn't feel worthy or confident enough to be here on Advicenators writing this answer to you. Its not easy to begin and make the first step, but there are ways you can do things to help your own transformation, not of becoming someone different but from deciding to come out from beneath the basket or blanket or out of the closet you've been hiding in.

This probably isn't what you wanted to hear and this involves work on your part. I'd be glad to have you write me for on going support help and actual suggestions on what you can do or get feedback what you could have done to make an event/situation go smoother. But I am no professional. Just an average person who did it myself. If you would rather ask Mom or school counselor to get you hooked with with a professional counselor, then thats good too. Some want to figure it out on their own, Others actually need the guidance of a counselor.
Don't do nothing cus you'll cus continue to be miserable. And in this day and age, with young people it often ends up with getting severely depressed to point of self harming as in cutting and doesnt help or they commit suicide which didnt solve the problem, they just opted out of life. Do something, reach out and ask for help to become more confident. Giving us your list here is a start but you have some real work ahead of you that you need to do to begin to see improvement in your life. Sorry this was so long but I really care cus I do understand, Ive been there so I have a heart for this and wanting to help best as I can.

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My paternal grandfather's great great grandparent (my great x4 grandparent) was a king, and my maternal grandmother's grandfather (my great x2 grandparent) was a king of another place. Is that normal or just a throwaway tidbit? My family is recognized by both ruling families today, but it's not like my siblings and I are any close to being in line for power or anything. I'm not sure how to feel about it. I know when you go back in time a lot of people are probably related to royalty but this wasn't too long ago and I don't get why my parents never told this to me til now. So what would you think if someone told you this about their ancestry? I'm not trying to put royals on a pedestal, but they're more likely to be written about than average people, so it interests me from an anthropological standpoint. But I think all that blue blood stuff is nonsense, we all have the same blood.

I've answered this before so perhaps you didn't see the answers last time. Yes, it is normal to be related to royalty but normal isnt the best word to describe it or ask the question.
Normal isnt the word to use otherwise the opposite would be 'abnormal'. There is nothing abnormal about being related to royalty only a handful of generations back. If you'd asked if it common to be related to royalty 2x and 4x back on both sides, then the answer is No. Although I am sure if more people researched their ancestry they may be able to fine relations of at least one side of family to royalty 4, 5 generations. But that wouldn't be very common. Now if they went back further, yes, they'd eventually find something.
I think one possible reason your parents didn't say anything before is that they also dont put much stock is the 'blue blood' and one person is more pure, more important than rest of humanity bit. And didn't want to share it with you earlier thinking it might go to your head and make you act as if you where superior and everyone else inferior compared to you. Or they may have had other reasons. If you ask they most likely will explain why they waited to tell you. God never appointed Royalty to their position. Sometime somewhere back, the most confident and smartest individuals decided to take advantaage of their self confidence and just naturaly become leaders and others looked up to them. With their smarts they were able to prosper in land and other commodities even if money wasn't invented yet. As more humans populated the planet, it was easy to see that very few have leader type personalities and most are just followers and followers will look for someone to lead them or appoint them and so of course, they will want for a leader those who really seem to have their life together, how to act refined, have good business sense as well as skill at communicating with others, etc. and this is who they would appoint as their leaders and Kings by vote. Once such people had that power, they feared losing it and becoming too common again if they mixed and wed from the more common simple people who didnt seem to have the same intelligence as themselves or ability to make it look as if they did. So eventually, such families of power decided that the best way to keep their important status was to only marry others of importance who were leaders or Kings or Queens or direct children of them. Without paternity tests in the past, bastard children couldn't prove their mother or father was of such a family. And when it came to marrying, they'd look to make matches that were often only for the sake of maintaining status not because of love to produce children who were royalty as well on both sides by choosing to marry off to the nearest person of marrying age, even if they lived in another land, country. If there wasn't any other such leader type families or Kings in close enough proximity, they had to at some point in the past marry in the family, cousins, brothers and sisters to keep their blood "pure". Being too closely related was not a good thing as we know from science today for being too inbred can cause there to actually be inferiorities in the genetic makeup. So while they may not do so today, marrying that close of a relations, you can bet that in their past somewhere far enough back, the inferior qualities of some inbred offspring resides in their genes waiting to spring up occasionally. No they are not superior in any way. Just lucked into the situation over time and thru history.

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Me and my friends were walking around the track for gym, and two of my friends were swearing. So I said I don't give a shit, and they smiled at me. One of my friends were talking about fucking a kangaroo? So when I was walking back I said niggar really quietly, because she was teasing me. She had been using that word for a long time now. She then shouted, oh you said the n word for black people. The teacher was now staring at me. I am really embarresed and wish that never happened. I am truly very sorry for my language in this post, but I really need help! Please don't say that I need new friends, because I don't okay. Please help me, what should I do?

You took an action based on the desire to be liked even more and make a good impression on your friends and make them feel even more strongly that you are one of them by acting more like them. that is not uncommon, many young people regret that later because its not part of who they really are.
And of course you know its wrong to use racial slurs. I hear so many say 'shit' as an expression every once in a while and its usually a response to something unexpected and I don't find it offensive.Silly talk involving sex as your friends do, just shows immaturity. It comes with the age your friends are at. the brain doesnt completely finish growing and able to help you make adult decisions and act maturely until we all reach age 25 or later. So its some time before they hopefully drop that behavior.

If you're still feeling guilty and want to say something so you don't feel uncomfortable around this teacher wondering what they think of you.
Then bring it up. Tell them you want to explain yourself in case you made a bad impression on him/her. Remember that day my friend yelled out that I had just said the N word? I'm embarrassed to admit I actually did it. Its not who I really am but I did it to make them like me more and now sad i did it. I just wanted you to know.
Most likely they'll thank you for explaining, maybe even give some encouragement to you. We all had to face the same temptations when we were your age so we know what its like and you wont be thought badly of for having done it. Doing this can help relieve embarrassment or feeling awkward around this teacher, make the guilt go away. Guilt doesn't help a person with making better choices next time. It only makes us think even less of our selves and lower our self image or feel that we can't do any better so we tend to give up and become much worse in character.
Hope this helps.

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We're both 20, I'm female, he's male.

No judging or lectures please, believe me, I got chewed out by my friends afterwards.

My brother's girlfriend's younger brother is best friends with four friends that go to my college. So my brother comes up a lot to hang out with them and usually always invites me. I started getting close to one of the guys that live there so he invited me back the next night without my brother so I went with my best friend.

The next night when we went without my brother, we were all having a good time. One of the roommates was out at the bar, the other one was at the neighbor's and the other two were at home so there was maybe eight of us there. After a few hours, the roommate that was at the neighbor's came home. He has a crush on my best friend and has been trying to hook up with her. So, he got this new fish, right. When he came home from the neighbors, he saw my friend and I there and invited my friend up to his room to see his fish and she knew what he was trying to do and tried to think of a reason to not (she has a boyfriend) but didn't want to be rude so I told her to go and I'll get her in five minutes if she isn't back yet.

Meanwhile, I'm downstairs with the guy I've been talking to - the roommate that invited my friend and I back - on the couch. He was being very flirty, telling me I'm beautiful and he's glad we went back to next night since my brother was intimidating to him.
He would lean over and lay his head on my shoulder or run his fingers up my arm, so I rubbed my shoe down his leg, blah blah.

Then, my friend texted me about five minutes later an sos message so I told the guy I'm talking to to wait and I'll be back. So he waited, I went up to get her and she was pretty upset so I asked what was going on and the guy that was trying to hook up with her started hollering that she's a terrible person and that he lead her on and she shouldn't have done that. So she left upset, saying it'd just be best if she left the house as a whole but I told her to just go downstairs and talk to my guy, he's on the bottom step waiting for me so she went downstairs. She texted me a minute later that he wasn't there so I went down and he wasn't there so I asked the third roommate where he went and he pointed to his room. So I took my friend back to his room and he was on his bed watching netflix, I asked why he went in his room and he said we were taking too long but he asked what happened so she told him and I got mad listening to her talk about him yelling at her so I told her to stay there in his room while I went to talk to him again.

I went back upstairs to have a friendly conversation with him and it quickly turned into him yelling at me then. That he doesn't even like my friend and I, to leave him alone, that I don't even know him, to leave his house and not come back. So, I got pissed and went back down to my friend. My guy asked if it was all good but I told him that I can't come back (mainly because I just didn't want to see that roommate anymore, not because he kicked me out) and he told me that his opinion isn't the opinion of the whole house, the other three roommates like us so we could go back.

Later, my friend's boyfriend came to get her and I stayed back in his room. We hooked up (shocker) and we fell asleep cud ding. We didn't have sex, I was on my period but I didn't tell him that so I think he thought I didn't want to have sex with him because it would be awkward to tell him that the first time we're "together" that I was on my period so we just did what allowed. I then left when he fell asleep to go back to my place.

Now its about two weeks after, he texted me the next day when I texted him to have a good day at work and he said thanks, he was glad I went to his place that night. Now, he won't talk to me. Ignores my texts, doesn't say hi in person.

What gives? Do you think his roommate talked crap on me and he got mad? Do you think he's mad I didn't have sex with him?

If he is that impressionable that he'd rely on someone elses opinion of even if he first said that persons feelings and opinion don't count, would you really want to even spend time pursuing him? I personally wouldn't. But hey, thats your choice.

I'd rather give him the benefit of the doubt until you can be totally sure whether this is why he's acting different or not. Do I think he's mad you didn't have sex? Hmmm, if I said yes, would that make you become more loose sexually and actually Plan to have sex with every guy you meet on the first day just in case thats the only thing that might make them interested in you? If your target goal is to only have sex but not find a relationship, then that would be that way to go and all the more power to you for it if thats what you want. However few girls want just that. If a guy will give up on you because he didn't get sex the first sex, is that the kind of guy you can see spending the rest of your life with?
If so, continue to chase him and be used.
If you call or text a person too often, you will look needy and that drives them away. Stop contacting him, go on with life and if he's interested he'll get back to you. If not, you wont hear from him. If months from know you get a test or bump into him somewhere (unintentionally) and he asks how you're doing. He's just curious, not interested in getting back together or changed his mind. If he wants that, he will bring it up with things like, I cant get you off my mind, i want to hang out maybe date you and get to know you better. then he's interested. But you need to let him bring it up. Otherwise, tell him you're fine and hope he's the same and say goodbye and walk off without asking him to call or asking for anything or refering to the past.

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Hii. Am from India
I had un protected sex on 19 n had taken unwanted 72 within 38hrs but I didn't had my periods till now..as my period date was on 20 can you please help me

So if I understand correctly, you took whatever form of emergency contraception pill is available in India 38 hrs after sex and now have late period.

That is possible with the Morning after pill as its also known as. It has an incredibly high amount of hormones in it to do the work of ensuring you dont become pregnant. Some people are more sensitive than others and it will throw their cycles off. If in another week you don't see a period at all, then take a pregnancy test to rest your mind. If you still get no period, or experience pain or anything unusual, go see your Dr. there may be something else wrong with you, not pregnancy related and it just happens to be coincidence that it occured at the same time.

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Hello, I'm a twenty year old female. I work at a grocery store with a bunch of people all different ages. There's this older guy at work that I like talking to. He's older, like I said, and married to another woman that works at the same store. The other weekend he went away to Disney with his family for his second cousin's wedding. He's a jokey guy, always picking on people and making jokes so he asked me the other day before I even knew he was actually going if I wanted anything from Disney. I was confused by his question and didn't put two and two together that he was probably going and that's why he asked so I just said yes. Well, he just got back the other day and he actually did get me something. I just don't know if that's weird or not. He's married and has his own family but I'm twenty years old, he bought me something, comes through my line a lot and work. It just all seems kind of too weird.

Do you think it's normal he actually did get me something? He never got physical or anything with me, just talks to me a lot. What do I do if it is deemed abnormal, should I stop contact with him?

As far as I can see, there is nothing wrong with him liking your personality a bit more than other coworkers. Maybe he gravitates towards a work friendship with you because you remind him of someone he likes or cares about, a sister, cousin, a daughter and it makes it naturally easier for him to be drawn as just a friend.
There only is a problem is he continues to give you little gifts. And that means there is something more that is causing him to do this, whether its of a sexual nature or not, you won't know but you can always say it makes you uncomfortable and you'd like him to stop. If he doesnt, then talk to manager.
What you might do if its really feeling awkward still or bothering you that he brought you a gift is to say something not that is was bad but about the misunderstanding on your part.
Like, "Hey, when you asked if I'd like something from Disney, I had no idea you were actually going on a trip there and simply thought it was just a teasing comment, not serious so I said yes. When you actually gave me a gift/souvenier from there, I was surprised. I wouldn't have said yes, If I realized you were serious. I know we're good friends at work but co workers don't usually buy gifts for each other...it makes it feel as if we are closer than just friends and makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and am sure you meant nothing by it but thought you deserved to know how awkward it made me feel.
This talk doesnt accuse him of anything so he wont react in self protect mode/become defensive. And if he is a mature adult, he will respect your wishes, know its okay to be a friend at work but not to give gifts. If he does, you tell a manager everything you told me and if you follow my advice on what to say, even this late after the fact, of what you said to him about it and that he is still buying you gifts and it makes you uncomfortable.
So in the end, is it weird? Only if he brought you something and no one else got gifts.
Now I had a coworker going to the Phillipines to visit family and the deals on expensive things are amazing such a real pearl necklaces. She said she'd shop and bring back anything we wanted if we gave her the money to buy it for us. I had her get me a pink pearl and black pearl necklace and yes, they were real pearls. This would not be inappropriate as it is a business transaction, and them doing a favor for you. But thats not what happened.
re

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Hi! I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm having a bit of confusion. So, for about a year and a half I had pretty social anxiety. I couldn't make phone calls in public, or check out library books, and when I had to present in class is stutter through my words at top speed while my heart beat really fast and my whole body shook and I couldn't go up to kick the ball in gym without shaking. I never got treatment but I feel like I'm getting better to some extent. I'm still super uncomfortable checking things out, but I can do it now as long as I don't make too much eye contact or small talk. Now, I can stumble through presentations without stuttering. I still shake when I present in front of others, but the sensation doesn't last for as long afterwards. Do the little improvements mean that I'm slowly getting better or should I ask my parents for some kind of treatment? But another thing, when I'm with friends, I'm loud and over the top even if there's other people around, but when I'm alone or with one person I'm uncomfortable being loud again. is this just normal teenager stuff or do I need treatment? Thanks in advance!

If you've seen an improvement, I'd keep working on that, looks like you have the determination to change and its working but its also a slow process with baby steps. I had social anxiety as a teen many many years ago. From the day I started Kindergarten til my Sr year in HS. I got to my last year in school and finally decided I was sick and tired of being so shy and anxious around other people so I prayed to God for help. Well he answered and gave me a program to follow at my own pace. Once I mastered one step, I asked HIm for the next step. Looking back, it was kinda funny. All I had to do was smile at strangers as I passed them. Too easy to smile at friends or family so it had to be strangers. If you can get to the point of feeling comfortable with strangers, you will find you can handle anything in between. I was terrified that if I smiled, it might encourage the person to say Hi to me and I was afraid to answer. But I did just that step, over and over every day for a month or two til I could handle it without any anxiety or worries. Then I was told, my next step would be, to not only smile but say Hi, Hello, or Good day to strangers whom I passed by. You wont believe how quickly my anxieties rose. "But God, I cant do that, because for sure, when I say hello, they are going to think I want to talk to them and start talking and I'll get nervous and freeze up." His answer, Just trust me, most people are busy, on a schedule and not going to take time to start into a long conversation with you. If they do, you just say, oops, was just being friendly, but I don't have time to talk.
I did that a few months until I no longer worried about people answering me and talking. Next step, I had to make a comment to people or pay a compliment...just one sentence. I didn't like that. Nervous and shaky all over. But I wanted more to get over my anxieties so I pushed myself as scary as it was cus now for sure, I knew there'd be some real conversation.
For compliments, it was Hey I like your necklace. Or those are cute shoes. Most people answer just 'thank you'. Only a handful volunteer more and say something like it was a birthday gift from my mom or I found it on sale at such and such store, isn't that great? And they will stop there and say nothing more unless you comment in return. I did this step until comfortable with it. Of course, the next was to engage a person in a full on but short conversation, usually by asking a question like how do you know which melon is ripe, or not ripe enough. Whether I knew or nor, it was just to start the lady in conversation at the grocery. 75% OR more of people have the friendly social personality types and once spoken to first, will answer nicely. The others are more like hermits, who don't want contact with others and will give a short answer or none at all and move quickly away from you. Thankfully they are very few and its not a reflection on you, just their non social personality. In doing all this, you find yourself being less self conscious in a bad way worried of what people will think of you. Most teens on a whole are worried about acceptance and with the level of stress in this world added to it, its not surprising for many to have similar issues to yours. But you mentioned enough for it to sound like anxiety issues. It may or may not work for you but It sure did for me. Once you're not concerned anymore about how people will react, whether there'll be laughs or rude comments in a presentation, you'll no longer suffer with extreme self consciousness. Remember the kids your age have immature minds and really have no clue that what they do for fun or to tease, you take seriously. I found that I learned the difference between when a people was serious or teasing...a helpful thing to know. Just the other day, a street person asked for some change to get something at the McDonald I and hubby were entering. Rather than take chance they might save up cash for alcohol, we offered to buy things off dollar menu and had him sit with us. Engaged him in conversation. At one point, he had figured out I like humor and laughing and he made a comment about 'Don't touch my food or I'll have to hurt you" in such a stern voice that it startled me for a split second thinking maybe he was a crazy person, and yet he'd been so nice up til then. I decided to count on it as his way of teasing rather than a real threat and began laughing at him and he joined in laughinng harder. My response was, "You coulda fooled me, you sounded very scary and threatening and I bet that keeps the odd balls out there away from you."
I'm not saying you won't have moments even far in the future like I did where you have to decide something, to laugh or be instantly afraid.

Look at it this way, if you laugh, and a person doesnt begin laughing, it meant they were seriously trying to rattle you in a mean way and don't care about your feelings. If they can't make you react the way they want, in fear and anxiety, then there's no thrill for them to bother you anymore after a while of consistantly getting smiles and laughs from you. Face those what if fears and most likely you've come to see in the end there was really nothing there to be concerned about in the first place.
As I grew older, I found not only was I no longer self conscious, but I went further and became self confident. Self confident means you feel good about yourself and love yourself just as you are and expect to be treated at least with respect by all, even if not friends. You know that you are a likeable person and that some personalities won't gravitate towards you and that doesnt bother you. You are willing to be yourself and not worry what others think. Thought I had that under control until God told me to make bracelets from hair scrunchies with long ribbons glued to it to wear as clapping to worship songs in church. I was afraid of what others would think, should I ask someone first? In the end, I went along and did it because I realized I had a fear of man, fear still but not of not fitting in when I am conforming and doing what everyone else does. I had a fear lingering of doing something that no one else was doing. I was in my 30s when I was healed of that. Yes, I got the stares but I got more positive responses from people who loved it but didnt have the guts to do it themselves when I offered to make them a set. Majority of people out there that you will come across in your life, do not have self confidence and so, will never be the one to speak first. You have the control, you start the talk first and most respond favorably. And with the favorable good responses you'll also gain confidence.

Now if you do all of this dear, and yet still suffer great anxiety, then perhaps it's how you were born. Some peoples brains just have some wires crossed and are going to need medication to take care of their issues. Is this is the case, then its time to tell the parents and see a Dr.
But I have a feeling, you want to try first yourself to get beyond it and that is a good thing in your case as we're not talking about a life threatening issues that may need Dr intervention or you die. I hope it works for you. With dedication, I feel you may progress thru it way faster than I ever did since you've already been working on it. Don't give any length of attention to mulling over any negative thoughts that pop into your mind. Dwelling on them will lead you right back to your initial fears. Just replace negative thoughts with positive ones, like "I;m going to get over this and come out better on the other end" Good luck and God bless.

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I am 25 and I Broke up with my boyfriend(27) 2 months ago but haven't completely severed the bedroom fun..the relationship ended because he is an alcoholic but Last night I wanted him to release inside of me, he normally pulls out. He did and then did it again 3 more times after that.. He is older than me and we have talked bout having kids. I know having a baby to save a relTionships is a piss poor way to start a family but I don't know if that's what he is thinking. What do i do?

The only way to know what he is thinking is to ask him. But most likely, he sees you as someone he can take advantage of for just the sex because you are a female who is weak in character. From what little you say dear, as an older female who is very sexual herself still and not a prude, my first impression is that your sending a message of weakness to him by going to him for sex, even though you didn't want a relationship with him due to his drinking. Just because you like the sex doesnt mean you should be accepting the rest of the package deal.

If you were gluten intolerant and went to buy a loaf of bread, it has wheat, something you can't tolerate, you reason that, well, I like the eggs and yeast and other ingrediants so much, I'll take it. You make yourself sick eating it.

How does it relate to you? In time, you may come to despise yourself for not going for anything better. If you could have the sex, but a man who has no vices like drinking, drugs or gambling and he treats you like a Queen, in comparison, would you still stay with this one? Babys dont save relationships. and it sure as hell wont make him stop drinking. You already know that. If you're SOOO in love with him that you're not ready to give up, then how about talking to him about his going into a rehab center and when he can come out and be alcohol free for a year, then you will think about a future with him. This gives him something to work for. If he doesnt really care that much about losing you, he won't do it. And you will then know exactly how important you are to him. This is the point at which you'd no longer have anything to do with him. no contact by phone or IM's or in person for sex. You have plenty of time yet before having kids so theres no hurry. You can take the time to find someone who is a better package deal.

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what should i say to him and how? how can i do this without sounding dramatic or wanting some form of commitment?

I have no way of knowing if I've written to you before and this is a 2nd question on a topic. By itself, doesnt give me much to go on. I can only handle this as a first time question and theres info missing. I don't know if this is a long time friend you grew up with, or a classmate you see but aren't friends with and havent spoken to before, or if this is some person you come across out in public on a consistant basis. In these days, I can't assume everyone is hetero-sexual. So I don't know if you're female or male or age neither.

So, knowing very little, I am going to guess female who wants a guy to pay her attention, one who is not giving any good signs of interest to her. Best thing is not to blurt out first sentence of wanting to go out. Start the convo with something else and then say something, like, btw, i've been thinking about something else I want to talk to you about.
Then ask him out. Yes, very directly! That won't make you sound desperate, dramatic. If you say nothing about commitment but deep inside want commitment so badly you barely can stand it, then he'll pick up the vibes, no matter how you act or what you say and if he's commitment wary, he
will back away. What makes a female sound desperate? Going back and asking him again and again or paying special attention to him to win him over. When you ask, let him know, you're asking only this one time. If he doesn't respond favorably, then you will back away and not approach him any more in any manner that doesnt have to do with school or work or whatever situation in which you see the person.
My own husband whom I met online after a divorce, wrote me and at the end said if I wasn't interested, I didn't even have to answer and say so, cus if I dont respond, he will dissappear into the background and become as if he never wrote. In other words, he wouldn't constantly be checking back with me for an answer or trying to convince me to say yes. That smacks of personal self confidence.
What would make a female look dramatic? Her tone of voice or actions that involve petty emotions to make him change his mind, or regret his choice. That might include pouting at him, giving angry looks when you see him, pretending he's not there when he's right in front of you, letting a whine come into your voice, making your voice sound shaky like yourre gonna cry, or actually giving a show of tears, or yelling at, or using a sharp tone with. This is all dramatics and will turn a guy off fast or make him even gladder with his decision, confirming it was a good idea to avoid getting involved with you. Guys dont like drama queens, and they dont like desperate. They are very attracted to self confident women. The kind who let them know of initial interest and then never say another word cus if they don't respond, she goes after another guy and forgets about the other, no matter how cute he is. That speaks to him, "Hey you're not a scare commodity. I gave you first chance but I know theres other fish in the sea, and I know I am attractive and desireable as a woman as a person and with some work, I can find someone just as good or maybe even better.
Not making this up. I've talked to enough male friends and thats exactly what they said they'd think. If she has that confidence, it makes them intrigued to spend more time with the female if they are hoping to find a life mate. Guys who just want sex often don't care if the female has self confidence and go for the bimbos and get what they were looking for, just the sex but no commitment. Guy's who are looking for commitment, don't waste any time about it. If he see's you often when starting to hang out, 2, 3 times a week minimum, and you spend lots of time talking and doing other things besides sex so he gets a chance to know your character and personality, then he can come to a conclusion pretty quick. I know one of our male advice givers shared that about himself once or twice. My husband was the same, after two weeks of spending hours on phone and in person, half and half in balance, he knew he wanted to marry me. More about commitment that you can understand from a guys perspective with this little analogy. "You see some interesting outfits on display in a store and are tempted to go in to further check if the rest of what they have in stock is just as cute. You check for sizes, the style the cost but you may not be ready to buy an outfit (the commitment to purchase) yet the moment the salesclerk sees you, she or he is hanging around you constantly asking if they can show you something else, ask what you're looking for, spout off why they think the piece you're holding is so special or comment how an item would look good on you. If you're just looking and didn't come in with intent and a need for a particular item, you're going to see this as unwelcome pressure for a sale (or call it commitment to buy) You don't like it. I don't know any female who does. Well, men don't like women who early on mention they are wanting a commitment from him. But after 2 months, he should have a good idea, if you meet often whether he wants to become more serious and actually make the commitment to be your boyfriend. This means committing just to you. A guy can sometimes tell after just a couple times hanging out, or dates, that he isn't as interested in her personality as he thought up front. A package can look appealing but its whats on the inside that makes a woman remain appealing to the guy, even as she ages. We don't have our beauty when we age. So two older seniors who still are in love, are so not because they look hot but because they are in love with who their partner is on the inside. So if a guy doesnt mention anything to you ever as he's seeing you about what he likes about you, or talking in terms of the future, then he was just looking for a friend with benefits, not a mate. And you would need to decide if you'll settle for the FWB situation or let him go and move on. But you must explain why you are moving on. No one can read your mind so let him have the benefits of knowing why you say or do something. People dont tend to ask questions or ask for explanation or clarification so you will need to volunteer the info up front until a guy gets to know you better.
This is about all I can think of to say without knowing more. Hope it helps


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