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I dont know what to believe.


Question Posted Sunday April 26 2015, 9:27 pm

I am 17 years and i am in a relationship with a 25 year old. We have been in and out of the relationship since i was 15.We were both virgins and after dating for sonetime we had sex. I was 15 that time.He has been a good boyfriend but i sometimes dont trust him. He is too kind to everyone...including his exs..when i am finished talking to him at nights he would still be up texting...i would see his last seen is 3 in the morning. I never told him about it because i am afraid he would be mad. He told me though that he thinks it is unfair to be with more than one person. I want to believe him but during our break up he was sexting other girls and he indirectly mentioned it to me.so i am thinking that this or these girls and him still talk.

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zman13 answered Monday April 27 2015, 9:39 pm:
I would definitely confront him about it and ask. It is a genuine concern and you should make it a point that it bothers you. A girl I really care for lives far away, and she says she cares about me, but whenever I see an image of another guy touching her or being close, it bothers me too.

So, work on your wording, and how to convey it, but I would ask about it for sure. I hope that sorta helps.

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dhavalrsarvaiya answered Monday April 27 2015, 2:09 pm:
Open up speak up share your thoughts ask direct questions and clarify your doubts with your boy.
He understands you well n is by now matured at age too. If he is serious about you n you too share the same feel...then speak up he will understand dont let this suspision create a virtual wall between you 'll and ultimately burst n erupt like lava.
Discuss your worries there is too much left for ur relation in terms of age carrier health etc
Do not waste your age worrying n spying just go n aks..

Regards
Dhaval Sarvaiya

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Dragonflymagic answered Monday April 27 2015, 1:50 pm:
What you have right now is a suspicion, a darned good one based on the fact of his admitting to still talk to exs.
At 23, he was a virgin? Well, he still had sexual needs, so he likely masturbated alot and some like to do so using photos of girls. So it's entirely possible he has been doing so. It could just be a habit hard to break, or he has such a high libido that he needs more than you and he do, and does this to make up for his needs...that is IF he is sexting. It is entirely possible on the other hand that like my husband, he prefers female friends to male friends altho hubby has both but more female and he is the only emotional support to his ex who is having a hard life right now. His talking to her probably prevents her from totally losing it and trying to kill herself so I understand. However, in my case, any of his contact with any females is done out in the open in front of me as he has nothing to hide, its all on the level, any old female friends. I have in fact either talked to them myselves or FB mssg chatted. They are no threat to my relationship and do not interfere with the amount of time he gives to me as his first priority.

You'll need to talk and ask for each of yourselves to be totally honest with each other. Lots of guys hide things that are not really bad, because they assume all girls will react with extreme jealousy and drama. Right now I think you want the truth more than anything. So tell him you have something to confess and mention your feelings of not knowing what to trust. (Trust is extremely important. Without, relationships fail) And you might mention you know he's up at 3 am texting. Then tell him you won't over react but need to know exactly what he's doing up at those hours. You can say whatever you like as long as you don't directly accuse him. such as "I hope you understand my point of view. If you found I was consistant texting at 3 am, you'd want to know who I had to talk to without you knowing, making it seems like a big secret and some things are things because they are not on the level. So I hope you can understand why I would feel suspicious if you were in the same shoes. All I want to know is what's really going on and why. I want you to feel free to bring up any concerns, even if they be sexual. Perhaps theres something more one of us wants and as a couple, we should be able to talk it out and come to a compromise, or if there is no compromise, at least admit that, part on friendly terms if need be. You're at a point where I am willing to work with you to make things right. If you lie and I catch this later, it'll be worse for you because I will dump you as I wont tolerate sneaking behind my back for anything over talking to me and I wont tolerate lying either. Trust is important in a relationship cus relationships split up when there isn't any. So I see this as serious. What have you to say."
If he admits to something you don't like and you decide to just accept that cus you love him and settle for less, you wont be really happy and it trains him that he can get away with anything he wants with you so it can progress to much worse scenerios where he brings you an STD.

If you're wondering but don't need to know and want to pretend all is ok, that is your choice but if it was important enough for you to write us, I believe you can't let this alone and ignore it which means facing it full on in the open with him.

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