Please excuse the hostile title of my question, but I am VERY angry right now. I want to warn you in advance that this writing might make me sound like a truly terrible person, but like I said, I'm extremely angry and fed up at the moment with my parents and my situation.
My parents have one of the worst marriages I've personally ever seen in my life. I don't understand why they ever got married in the first place or why they have stayed married for as long as they have. It's against our religion for them to get divorced, but there are many times that I feel like they, and the rest of our family, would be better off if they got separated or something. I don't think that's against their beliefs.
If I had to tell you everything wrong with their marriage, I'd be writing all night. There are numerous ways that my parents marriage sucks, but basically, they're distant, secretive, rude, verbally abusive, and vindictive. They spend entirely too much time apart, they leave each other out of things they do with their friends that they should do together, they keep secrets from each other, they call each other names that I've never called my worst enemy, and they do things just to make each other angry. Their marriage is constantly getting worse instead of better because when one of them gets angry at the other, instead of talking about it like normal people, they just get revenge on each other.
My parents scared me out of ever wanting to get married. I know they don't have a normal marriage and I know it's possible to get married and be extremely happy with your spouse, but even so, I just never could get up the guts to bite the bullet and commit my life to another person PERMANENTLY not knowing for certain what our marriage would look like one day. I am a Christian like my parents and if I did get married, I couldn't run to get divorced as quickly as some people do. I could get separated, but only if I was desperate and my husband and I would still be joined together legally. Also, the fact that I grew up watching my parents dysfunctional marriage and have never really, closely seen what a good marriage looks like kept me from having confidence in myself to know how to be a good wife and make a marriage work.
I always wanted a family, but when I kept chickening out of marriage, I decided just to have kids on my own using both IVF and adoption. I now have a large family that I'm raising by myself and I'm extremely happy with my life choices most of the time. But on occasion, I do feel sad that I don't have a husband and my kids don't have a dad. They have father figures, but not a legit dad in their lives. I feel bad about that, especially for the boys, but what can I do now? Who wants to marry a single mother raised in a dysfunctional family who doesn't even know what a healthy marriage looks like. Even if someone did, there's not a counselor in the world that could assuage my fears about marriage.
The reason I came here is that my parents are constantly putting me in the middle of their arguments and I get SICK OF IT!!! It's not FAIR!!! They get mad at each other for things I have nothing to do with and they make me take sides, help get revenge on each other, and bad mouth each other to other people. It SUCKS!!!
While I deeply love both of my parents, despite their flaws, and have a very close relationship with my Mother, my relationship with my dad hasn't been good since I was twelve. We've been very distant and we both hate that. We try to work on it, but every time we seem to be getting closer, something happens and our relationship goes straight to hell again.
So over the past six or seven months, my parents have been working on remodeling their house. The first thing they did was remodel the bathroom my sister and I used to share. They took out that bathtub that used to be in it and put in a shower in it's place. I use that shower when I can because it's by far the nicest and one of the most spacious showers I've ever used.
Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was using that shower and when I opened one of the two glass sliding doors, said door fell and shattered. It apparently wasn't put on right. Both of my hands were badly cut up. I had a cut in my finger on my right hand that went all the way down to the bone and the glass took two big chunks of skin out of my left hand that required stitches. I had a cut on my foot and one my left arm that was DIRECTLY OVER all of the veins and arteries in that arm that can kill you if you cut them open. The whole thing scared me to death. I was very sore for over a week and although I've been feeling better and healing fast, I temporarily lost some of the feeling in the finger that was cut all the way down to the bone and I fear I might be anemic from the blood loss. That probably sounds a little dramatic, but I lost a lot of blood, more than you'd think, and I was also on my menstrual cycle at the time. I've been having symptoms of anemia since then.
I was afraid my dad was going to be angry about what happened. I was scared he was gonna scold me and make me buy a new door. I was a little scared that he would even ban me from his and my mom's house. Instead, he was nothing but worried and sympathetic towards me. He wanted to look at my hands and arm, he asked me how bad the whole thing scared me, he gave me a couple very big hugs. He couldn't have cared less about the door. It was the closest I'd felt to him in a long time. It was one of the rare moments when my dad shows me how much I mean to him and it meant a lot to me.
We've been tight since then, but tonight, my mom almost screwed the all of that up. You see, on Saturday, I wanted to take my kids to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie and my mom said that she'd like to come. I found out that she told a lie to keep my dad from knowing where we were going out of fear that he'd come along if he knew. My dad has since found out where we went and that we'd left him out of something he'd have probably enjoyed and I feel bad about that. I didn't know my mom was going to lie to him like that. I should've invited him myself, but I didn't realize how much he'd have wanted to come. I didn't think he'd like the movie. Even as an adult, I loved it, but it is still a kids' movie and a musical, so I assumed my dad wouldn't want to come, but apparently he would and now I feel like sh!t.
That incident with the shower door happened two weeks ago and today was the third time that my dad had promised to go to the closest home depot an hour away and get a new shower door. He didn't do so and my mom wanted me to confront him and be a b!tch to him thinking that he'd get it done faster if I did. Thing is, my dad and I have been getting along great lately and after the whole thing with the movie, I was scared that he already wasn't happy with me. If I went and was an @as hole to him about the shower door, then he might explode on me and our whole relationship would go south again. Especially since I was the one who broke the door.
I went to politely ask him about the door, but when he was really sweet to me and we talked for a minute, leading me to realize that he wasn't angry with me, I lost my nerve to say anything that could anger him. My mom kept pushing me though so eventually I mentioned it to him, but it didn't help much. He was perfectly sweet about it, but didn't sound like he had gone to indeed home depot and I failed to light a fire under him like my mom wanted me to. This is not a good example of one of my parents putting me in the middle of an argument, but it's what prompted me to come here.
My mom is furious with me for not standing up to my dad and telling him off about the door like she wanted me to. She brought up the times I have stood up to my dad when it was for myself and accused me of not caring enough to do it for her. I explained to her that the rare times I've had the backbone to stand up to my dad, it was because he provoked me to do so, but he didn't provoke me today. I also explained that even if I had more of a backbone, my dad didn't deserve to be berated for the door today. Yes, he should've gotten it like he promised my mom, but he had a pretty busy day and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anyway. There's another shower and a bathtub in the house. My mom does like to use the new shower, but not often it's not like it's the only place in the house to bathe.
This is what I'm sick of. My choices tonight were to either be a jerk to my dad and ruin how well we've been getting along lately or to not be a jerk to my dad and make my mom mad at me. My parents do this to me all the time. They put me in the middle and make it so I can't possibly get out of the situation without making at least one of the mad at me. My mom acknowledges that she puts me in this position. She says flat out that I have to choose between her being mad or my dad being mad at me. I've tried to tell them that I'm not getting in the middle of anything, but that tends to make BOTH of them mad me.
It's really not fair because I have done nothing to get myself in these situations. I didn't cause my parents to have such a disaster of a marriage, I don't cause their arguments, I don't cause myself to be put in the middle of their arguments. I have no options. It's either p!ss my mom off or p!ss my dad off. Their are no other options.
The only other thing I can think of that I could do is to stop being around my parents, but that is not an option. I love both of my parents very much and could never alienate them from my life.
Super sorry this has been such a long writing, but I just wanted you to know everything you might need to know about the situation. Does anyone have any advice?
Can you call me ? Answer with your email so i shall post my detail there
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My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
Sir,
With due respect to your age and experience, I might sound to young and practical and hence pardon me for my words if at all I use any wrong words.
Firstly , the basic question Did it ever in life cross your mind to bounce off on her and mingle with someone else, have you by any chance truly had an affair?
The reason for such a question is that Past will never leave the shadows and it should not affect your future.
Secondly, in the worst of your dreams do you think that your wife by any chance can date anyone at this age which might be the cause that she has flung with the Cash.
The situation has reached a stage where divorce is going to throw a bad note on a 52 years long marriage.
Can you get some intermediary Family Friend , family doctor or some known person who can reach a consensus , though at this age pitching in of externals in Marriage Matters might result in a humorous situation but your well wishers would want to see you'll together and if it works nothing better.
Try the above and contact me dhavalrsarvaiya@gmail.com
M - +91 9022121987
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My bestfriend introduced me to her best guy friend he told her she must give his number to me the next day we decided to meet each other..we were at his house with friends and then we ended up being alone,we were talking getting to know eachother bt then we kissed and ended up having sex...afta that everything was fine between us..i then told mx best friend what happend and that we slept together I was so shocked cause it happend unexpectedly and i just met him i then didnt hear from him for a few days so i decided to text him only to find out he deletd my number cause he asked "who's this" i then tld hm and he was so shocked and then did nt respond again,then two days later i textd hm and he asked me if why did i tell my bestfriend that we slept together i then told hm that i didnt and he told me "dont talk crap she told me" i then didnt knw what to do and i ddnt wana lie so i admitted that i did tell her i then told hm that i did tell her cause i ddnt knw what to do i just met him and i slept with him and i know his angry and sorry wont fix it he then didnt reply,i textd hm again today bt i just said hs name and then once again he asked who 's this and ths time i told him to figure it out its the person he stopped replying to he then replied saying "well i cant figure things out now" i t.gen said is that how quickly he forgotten,sorry i wasted hs time he read but never replied after that..i told my best friend what happend and she says he has moods i must leave him and let him come right..thing is hs the 1st guy i met after getting over my ex boyfriend..i knw i just met him but i came to the point of liking him and wanting to get to know him furthe but now i dont know what to do cause i really wna see him again mayb its my fault cause i gave in too quick but i was stl gtn over my ex and it just felt nice to be with someone again laugh cuddle etc even though we just met..please help me out here i really want a chance with this guy i want totalk and see him again is there anything i can do to fix it..what did i do wrong,why is he acting so,why dont he want to answer my msgs is he still angry or what..please help me please i feel like i wasted hs time i dnt want to msg hm again cause i dont want to seem desperate which im not,i just want a chance with him,
SHIT HAPPENS!
Do not repel over what has happened and if you think you are as much at fault he himself must be more at fault.
just move forward.
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i frequent my bank, and there is a new teller there and ive notice she is always eager to help me and if I don't go to her window she gets upset and wont speak to me, or if I don't speak to her she gets upset....today I called the bank and boy was she extra happy...I can feel her just smiling in the background....wth...should I ask her what's up or just leave it alone? my bro thinks she is prolly bi and has a crush on me and told me to give her my number....she is younger than me I do know that much.....and she comes off as freaky.....what do u all think is she just being friendly or does she like me like? thanks
SO should I give her my number or wait to see if she's gonna ask me for mine....im not an outdoorsy person but I wouldn't mind chillin with her
A Banks Teller is supposedly to be a Sweet Darling, they are the face of the Bank and they are meant to greet and Welcome the Walkin Customers and make them feel comfortable.
The gestures which you have described are quiet common in many Banks these days.
Though you seem to be quite interested in the female , and if you feel she feels the same for you, please directly bowl it out , do not built castles in air and describe it to one and all and leading later embarrassment for yourself and the female too
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Girl
So i have a crush from last year, i confessed and fucked things up and but i still have feelings for him. we dont talk to each other anymore so we are basically enemies i think. i really want to get him outta my mind but somehow i cant. any advice for getting over someone? whenever i see him at skl i just feel so sad gusdhfkjl xthanks
There is nothing like CANT GET OVER.
Its all about your choice.
Its all in your mind.
Take it up positively with yourself.
Get up and decide that you want to get out of it.
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Ok I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now but we constantly fight and barely get along anymore. I feel like we both have changed and don't know what to do. I recently moved out because I'm tired of the fighting. I love him but I can't handle the fighting anymore. Do I let go of the relationship after 4 years or do I stay in the relationship and try to work it out one more time? I am 20 years old and female and the guy I have been dating as been my high school crush.
The Simplest Solution to the Question is What is more Important the Person or the Argument.
You will find all solutions if you learn to let go off things and stop arguing keeping aside your ego.
The age is to tender to allow all this but if you still hang on him and you feel you carry the feelings and can make a good couple you need to rest your ego and confess to him that you need him.
The change in your behavior will ultimately lead to a change in his and you shall find a happy living for sure.
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I am a junior in college, 20 years old. The guy this is about is 23 years old and a senior in college but is staying an extra semester in college.
My sophomore year of college:
I met this guy through a mutual friend of ours. I got his number one night, we had talked everything will day the person who even fell asleep first during the night would be the person to respond to the last text sent from the night before so the conversation would never end. He has a very flirty sense of humor and I really enjoy his company and talking to him all the time. His friend was turning 21 One night and they were all going out to the bar to celebrate, he asked me if I could pick him up and bring him back to his place because he knew that he would be drunk to which I was happy that he would be smart about that to ask me to do that so I told him yes. So he texted me around 2 o'clock in the morning when the bar closed, that he and his friends are ready to leave. So I left my place to go get them and when I went back to their place and we all hung out and talked for little bit, he pulled me in his room to tell me that he did not want to be with his friends that night because they were all much more drunk than he was so I offered for him to stay at my place. He said yes and after he left his room, he told his friend goodbye and we left to go back to my place. Now, I work for housing so I had a early desk shifts around 6 o'clock in the morning, we got back to my placeat around 230 in the morning and we had talked until about five, I fell asleep for about 45 minutes and when I woke up from my desk shift and got out of my bed, he woke up too. I told him to go back to bed. After my desk shift, I went back to my room and he was awake watching tv, saying he couldn't fall asleep with me and then fall back asleep without me so I went back to bed and we fell back asleep. When we woke back up, we stayed there for a few more hours just talking and then we decided we qere hungry. I got up to go to the dining hall and he pulled me back down to my bed and kissed me and then said thanks for taking care of him and being there.
Fast forward to junior year:
He and I talked all through the summer and everything but at the start of school he started talking about a girl he works with at home and how she will be attending our university. When his texts started getting more sparce a month into school, I saw on Twitter that he was dating the girl he told me about. I wasn't mad they were and I wasn't even mad he stopped talking to me.
About a month ago, he texted me and asked if I knew this girl and sent me a picture. I knew her so I told him yea and he started grilling me asking me how and all of these things trying to set up a time we could all hang out but he wouldn't tell me why he was asking me these things so I got mad and stopped answering him
About two weeks ago, he texted me and asked if I remembered the argument we had about the girl he wanted to get to know. I said that yes, I did remember and he told me he wanted to clear the air that it was his girlfriend that texted me and wanted to know because she had a weird girl crush on that girl and wanted to be friends with her. He apologized a lot and told me he knew it upset me how rude she was being and he wanted me to know that he would never intentionally upset me like that and he wanted me to know that it wasn't him.
This past Saturday he texted me and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was playig with my friend's pet duck. He told me he had a cat before with his girlfriend. I told him I know and that I rmemeber that, he had to return the cat because they felt after his attitude hasn't changed in the couple weeks they had him that a college campus wasn't a suitable environment for that cat so they took him back to his owner. When I told him that I remember, he then told me that it was a different cat and that his girlfriend took this one home because they broke up and he left her have the cat but she couldn't keep it on campus since she lives in a dorm. I told him I was sorry for the break up and he said "Why do you think I told you it was her texting you that night and not me? I didn't want you to be mad at me."
Since then, it's been like before. We haven't stopped talking. We talk and reminisce about the night he stayed with me after drinking with his friends, we talk about how much fun we used to have hanging out, we talk about his best friend's deployment, everything. He's since asked me to hang out too and the one night I was sick of caring for my drunk friends, he told me to drop them all off at their respective places and if I needed anywhere to stay, his door was always open.
However, I don't know how to feel. I mean, I like it that were talking again, I did miss him. But I kind of feel like I'm only good enough for him when he's single. Or that he's got ulterior motives, that he maybe wants me to be his rebound. I haven't hung out with him even though hes asked and I don't know if I should, he misses his ex girlfriend (she broke up with him) and I don't know if he's just talking to me again for him to get over her.
It makes me feel iffy that he isn't using me to get over her because he calls me friend a lot in his texts. He did that before but I think he's doing it a lot more now. But he is asking me to hang out and he went right back to how we used to be as good friends. I even told him one night that they could all go to my friends place to hang out me and then I told him I fast tracked that if he was with his ex, I didn't want them to since I know she didn't like me and I knew she was the reason he stopped talking to me all those months (to which he agreed that she was the reason) and he was quick to text me and tell me that she wasn't with them if I wanted them to go to my friends place to hang out, they could.
So my question is, am I thinking too hard about this? I missed him. I like how we mesh together so well. But could there be ulterior motives? Should I be mad that he stopped talking to me?
As long as you both are taking it as a friendship there is no harm at all, make sure that being aware about the facts and having a sense os all the causes and consequences you do not fall in love with him and if at all you do please do not confess , he is a mature and a good person, he would not want to break your heart and might stop talking with you again.
Answer to your question there is nothing to worry about
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I am 17 years and i am in a relationship with a 25 year old. We have been in and out of the relationship since i was 15.We were both virgins and after dating for sonetime we had sex. I was 15 that time.He has been a good boyfriend but i sometimes dont trust him. He is too kind to everyone...including his exs..when i am finished talking to him at nights he would still be up texting...i would see his last seen is 3 in the morning. I never told him about it because i am afraid he would be mad. He told me though that he thinks it is unfair to be with more than one person. I want to believe him but during our break up he was sexting other girls and he indirectly mentioned it to me.so i am thinking that this or these girls and him still talk.
Open up speak up share your thoughts ask direct questions and clarify your doubts with your boy.
He understands you well n is by now matured at age too. If he is serious about you n you too share the same feel...then speak up he will understand dont let this suspision create a virtual wall between you 'll and ultimately burst n erupt like lava.
Discuss your worries there is too much left for ur relation in terms of age carrier health etc
Do not waste your age worrying n spying just go n aks..
Regards
Dhaval Sarvaiya
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I work with this lady in the restaurant all indication that she's single the positive sign that she's attracted is there whenever I talk to her a.k.a boyfriend never comes up but it seems something is holding me back I hear she's gotta boyfriend if you do that is the last thing that I would ever wanna get in the middle I've been in the restaurant for almost 5 years not ones or ever that I have ever dated or hangout so she knows I am real I've learn ."patient .challege. Self control" is a must question is should i ask her out or just let it be I know I am gonna ask her out but the fear of I have a boyfriend just seems to get in the way
There is truely nothin much to say
Go and confess and let her decide !!
An inititive from your end is a must you cannot just wait and watch for a miracle to happen
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21/f
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We flirted, hung out a couple of times, and hit it off. We texted every day since we met and he confessed that he liked me and wanted to see how things progressed with us. We ended up making out and talked about possibly doing more in the future.
All this time, he denied having a girlfriend. I know how guys can be, so I asked him (more than once) if he was single. He assured me he was.
Turns out he lied. I got a tip from someone on Facebook that he'd been lying to me and had a girlfriend, and even showed me a snapshot of the girl's profile, where her default pic is one of the two of them, posted just a few days ago. The message was anonymous; the profile looked very obviously fake, so I have no idea who it was that messaged me or how he/she found me or WHY he/she felt the need to tell me instead of the girlfriend. All I know is that they haven't told her and are not planning to. It's odd that they'd tell me instead of her so I have this sneaking suspicion that the "anonymous tip" came from a friend of mine... but that's irrelevant.
Point is, I ended up telling the guy off the next day and completely cut contact with him. But now I'm left wondering, should I tell the girlfriend? I don't want to get involved. I only knew the guy for a couple of weeks and I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm not one for drama and I don't want this to be my problem, which it will be if I say something. I don't know the girl at all, all I know is her facebook page. We don't have any mutual friends, nothing. It would just be her getting a message from a stranger telling her that she made out with her boyfriend. She may not even believe me. And whether she does or she doesn't, you can bet the guy won't be happy about it at all and might even try to get back at me somehow for ruining his relationship - which, again, I don't want to get in the middle of. Their relationship is none of my business; HE'S none of my business.
I feel like I have every reason to just keep my mouth shut and forget about it, but it all comes back to ONE important fact: If I were her, I'd want to know. She's probably all happy with him thinking she has this super nice boyfriend, but her super nice boyfriend was taking ME out on dates, DENYING her existence, wanting to hang out with me, HOOK UP with me, saying he liked me...
I'm not a bitter person. I'm not a vengeful person. I'm annoyed that I got played, but I don't feel the need to get back at him on my own behalf (though I know I have every right to). If anything, all I want to do for my sake is NOT tell. But it's not about me. It's not about him. It's about this girl who's getting cheated on and he shouldn't get away with it just because the girl he chose to cheat with is too "nice" to do anything about it. Am I wrong?
What should I do? I honestly can't decide. Even if I did tell her, how should I go about it? How do you even tell someone something like that, especially when you don't know each other at all? Help?
It depends what was your relationship with him and how you take him as a person.
You never know what made him leave a strong relation and made him come out of it and come to you. Do not be Judgmental and keep things to you and ask such questions publicly, before doing so clarify with the person that I have evidences of your past ask him to give an explanation and if he is able to justify things truthfully and you are convincingly satisfied there is nothing better than that.
But it again depends on you your intentions what is it that you are currently feeling is there are feeling of hatred , love, jealousy, revenge , it all depends on what you are feeling is what you will end up doing.
What is it that you most want to do right now,
are you upset with the lies??
do u pitty the girl??
do u want to continue relation inspite of knowing facts??
are you angry or jealous??
do you wanna take reveng with the boy??
all the answers are within you..
if you open what you feeling I can help you more with solutions , but the first thing is to clarify with the boy that you have received such a message and let him explain what is it all about..
I am available at dhavalrsarvaiya@gmail.com
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