Gender: Female
Location: South Africa
Occupation: Teacher
Age: 22
Member Since: April 25, 2015
Answers: 2
Last Update: April 25, 2015
Visitors: 736
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My wife recently told me that her feelings for me aren’t there anymore, and while she loves me, she doesn’t love me like she used to. In a follow-up conversation, she let me know that she has feelings for a much older coworker of hers (16 year age difference). She says nothing has happened with him, but she’s confused with her feelings at the moment and doesn’t know what to do.
While heartbroken, I feel like this could have been much worse. And I’m struggling with what I can do or say to her to make her keep her commitment to me. She has said that none of this was my fault, but I’m sure he’s giving her more attention and communication than I was (we had gotten to the “comfortable” stage).
Obviously I can’t force her to love me, but I’m struggling to come up with rational ways to verbalize why she should stay. Can anybody give me advice on what I could say? What I’m trying to get at is yes, I understand that a new person can be exciting and fun, but we have already built the foundation to make a marriage go the distance.
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This is a very hard situation that you find yourself in. It sounds like your wife craved attention that she might not have gotten in her marriage. You say that you have already built the foundation to make your marriage go the distance, but it seems that your wife does not have the same feeling, since she developed feelings for another person. Your job now should be to show her through your actions that you value and care for her. Your actions should come from your love for her and should also show that you love her. If the feeling from her co-worker is mutual and he knows that he is persuing a married woman confront him in a non violent way and make it clear that you are prepared to fight for your wifes love and heart. The fact that the other person is so much older might suggest that she needs to feel secured and safe with the person that she is in a relationship with. This might mean that you need to make het feel that you can take the lead when needed. Just. Remember that actions speak louder than words. They are just as important as proper communication in any marriage.
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21/f
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We flirted, hung out a couple of times, and hit it off. We texted every day since we met and he confessed that he liked me and wanted to see how things progressed with us. We ended up making out and talked about possibly doing more in the future.
All this time, he denied having a girlfriend. I know how guys can be, so I asked him (more than once) if he was single. He assured me he was.
Turns out he lied. I got a tip from someone on Facebook that he'd been lying to me and had a girlfriend, and even showed me a snapshot of the girl's profile, where her default pic is one of the two of them, posted just a few days ago. The message was anonymous; the profile looked very obviously fake, so I have no idea who it was that messaged me or how he/she found me or WHY he/she felt the need to tell me instead of the girlfriend. All I know is that they haven't told her and are not planning to. It's odd that they'd tell me instead of her so I have this sneaking suspicion that the "anonymous tip" came from a friend of mine... but that's irrelevant.
Point is, I ended up telling the guy off the next day and completely cut contact with him. But now I'm left wondering, should I tell the girlfriend? I don't want to get involved. I only knew the guy for a couple of weeks and I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm not one for drama and I don't want this to be my problem, which it will be if I say something. I don't know the girl at all, all I know is her facebook page. We don't have any mutual friends, nothing. It would just be her getting a message from a stranger telling her that she made out with her boyfriend. She may not even believe me. And whether she does or she doesn't, you can bet the guy won't be happy about it at all and might even try to get back at me somehow for ruining his relationship - which, again, I don't want to get in the middle of. Their relationship is none of my business; HE'S none of my business.
I feel like I have every reason to just keep my mouth shut and forget about it, but it all comes back to ONE important fact: If I were her, I'd want to know. She's probably all happy with him thinking she has this super nice boyfriend, but her super nice boyfriend was taking ME out on dates, DENYING her existence, wanting to hang out with me, HOOK UP with me, saying he liked me...
I'm not a bitter person. I'm not a vengeful person. I'm annoyed that I got played, but I don't feel the need to get back at him on my own behalf (though I know I have every right to). If anything, all I want to do for my sake is NOT tell. But it's not about me. It's not about him. It's about this girl who's getting cheated on and he shouldn't get away with it just because the girl he chose to cheat with is too "nice" to do anything about it. Am I wrong?
What should I do? I honestly can't decide. Even if I did tell her, how should I go about it? How do you even tell someone something like that, especially when you don't know each other at all? Help? (link)
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No, you should not tell her. Like you said you do not like/want drama in your life. It was already the right thing for you to end all contact with him. You have no idea what their relationship is like. You don't know what this girl is like. It is understandable for you to feel that if you were in her shoes you would want to know. The right call you already made by breaking contact with this guy, but it is not your place to intervene or interfere with what happens further in their lives. The best would be for you to move on and suround yourself with honest and true people. Remember that the choices that people make will always have consequences. If he continues cheating on his girlfriend it will come back to haunt his conscience.
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