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Should I tell her that her boyfriend cheated?
21/f
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We flirted, hung out a couple of times, and hit it off. We texted every day since we met and he confessed that he liked me and wanted to see how things progressed with us. We ended up making out and talked about possibly doing more in the future.
All this time, he denied having a girlfriend. I know how guys can be, so I asked him (more than once) if he was single. He assured me he was.
Turns out he lied. I got a tip from someone on Facebook that he'd been lying to me and had a girlfriend, and even showed me a snapshot of the girl's profile, where her default pic is one of the two of them, posted just a few days ago. The message was anonymous; the profile looked very obviously fake, so I have no idea who it was that messaged me or how he/she found me or WHY he/she felt the need to tell me instead of the girlfriend. All I know is that they haven't told her and are not planning to. It's odd that they'd tell me instead of her so I have this sneaking suspicion that the "anonymous tip" came from a friend of mine... but that's irrelevant.
Point is, I ended up telling the guy off the next day and completely cut contact with him. But now I'm left wondering, should I tell the girlfriend? I don't want to get involved. I only knew the guy for a couple of weeks and I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm not one for drama and I don't want this to be my problem, which it will be if I say something. I don't know the girl at all, all I know is her facebook page. We don't have any mutual friends, nothing. It would just be her getting a message from a stranger telling her that she made out with her boyfriend. She may not even believe me. And whether she does or she doesn't, you can bet the guy won't be happy about it at all and might even try to get back at me somehow for ruining his relationship - which, again, I don't want to get in the middle of. Their relationship is none of my business; HE'S none of my business.
I feel like I have every reason to just keep my mouth shut and forget about it, but it all comes back to ONE important fact: If I were her, I'd want to know. She's probably all happy with him thinking she has this super nice boyfriend, but her super nice boyfriend was taking ME out on dates, DENYING her existence, wanting to hang out with me, HOOK UP with me, saying he liked me...
I'm not a bitter person. I'm not a vengeful person. I'm annoyed that I got played, but I don't feel the need to get back at him on my own behalf (though I know I have every right to). If anything, all I want to do for my sake is NOT tell. But it's not about me. It's not about him. It's about this girl who's getting cheated on and he shouldn't get away with it just because the girl he chose to cheat with is too "nice" to do anything about it. Am I wrong?
What should I do? I honestly can't decide. Even if I did tell her, how should I go about it? How do you even tell someone something like that, especially when you don't know each other at all? Help?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It depends what was your relationship with him and how you take him as a person.
You never know what made him leave a strong relation and made him come out of it and come to you. Do not be Judgmental and keep things to you and ask such questions publicly, before doing so clarify with the person that I have evidences of your past ask him to give an explanation and if he is able to justify things truthfully and you are convincingly satisfied there is nothing better than that.
But it again depends on you your intentions what is it that you are currently feeling is there are feeling of hatred , love, jealousy, revenge , it all depends on what you are feeling is what you will end up doing.
What is it that you most want to do right now,
are you upset with the lies??
do u pitty the girl??
do u want to continue relation inspite of knowing facts??
are you angry or jealous??
do you wanna take reveng with the boy??
all the answers are within you..
if you open what you feeling I can help you more with solutions , but the first thing is to clarify with the boy that you have received such a message and let him explain what is it all about..
I am available at dhavalrsarvaiya@gmail.com
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I don't know what to tell you dear. It seems odd that as soon as you got sexual with this guy someone anonymously sends you a message. There were two weeks where you could have been seen together. Why did some mystery person send a mssg only after hooking up. Is hooking up the only thing that counts as cheating? Or what of just the chatting and texting and hanging out with you if he really had a girlfriend.
i understand theres a photo of him with a girl. But There are some real weirdos out there who get a kick out of messing with peoples heads. You can't trust anything you see on the internet. There's even a TV show now of people who get misled by a lover in an LDR and come to find that everything was fake and they aren't who they said they are. Sorry but I have a very suspicious mind and won't take 100% as truth what I see on the net. So here's a few scenerios I came up with. The pic could be one of this guys sister or cousin, even single pics as he's a family member and could've put up a profile anonymous with this supposed girl to make it look like someone unknown is warning you when its a kick he gets from messing with peoples minds an he knows it worked if you got mad at him. I seriously knew a guy for a short while who did this stuff to me just cus he got a kick out of it until I thought I was going crazy so I ended the relationship.
I understand he's a real person so his texts and pics and profiles are real.
Why would a person be afraid to let you know who they were if passing this info on to you.
Give it some thought dear cus this is where I get stuck as I think about this. If it was a best friend of yours, and she cares about you, then bad as the news may be and even if you didn't believe her, she would send you the message directly, not anonymously. Isn't that what you have thought of doing? Sending a message to this girl and not concerned over being anonymous as you mention?
What if, just what if this girl is someone whom your guy used to date but she dumped him and he is major pissed and wants to get back at her now that she has a new boyfriend. He wants to ruin her new relationship. So you write to her telling her you hooked up with her boyfriend. What if she thinks of her new boyfriend and then dumps him cus of your message, never thinking you were refering to the guy you were with, her ex. This sounds way too fishy to me to take any further actions based on this all being true. It could be the other way around and a jealous girl who he dumped sent the message to you to make you dump him so she felt she had a better chance at getting him back? There is no way for me to prove my theories any more real than there is for you to believe this is 100% legit. What you could do is write to this girl and explain that you got a strange anonymous email after you began dating a guy for a couple weeks. Hooking up doesnt have to be mentioned, as you're just trying to find out who she is and if she even knows the guy you're talking about. Then tell her what the message said and ask her if she knows a guy by the name of ...... and if so, what relation is he to her. Play the detective here. This way you should have your answers pretty quick and know if this is some cruel joke or for real. Do not jump to conclusions because of a lack of trust in guys in general. I know its hard. I have jumped to conclusions before until someone else pointed out I didn't have any solid proof. Pics and profiles on the net can be faked. Think of net worlds with avis where everyone looks 30 and some guy falls in love with one. But she in real life is an 80 yr old overweight, wheelchair bound lady who gets to experience things in an avi world that she no longer can in real life. Not purposely misleading, just playing a game where nothing and no one you meet there is for real and you know it. Well it's just as possible in other areas. Perhaps he is cheating on you. But the fb mssg is too fishy to count on as the truth. As you said, why didn't they tell his girlfriend then if thats so, and how did they find you and know your name on FB. Do the digging and asking and see what you come up with. What if some 3rd person is playing a cruel joke on him and you're caught in the crossfire. What if he is really innocent here?
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This is always a tough one..
On one hand, you don't know how this poor girl will react, she won't exactly welcome you with open arms and be pleased to hear not only is her boyfriend taking her for a fool- but you've told her about it too!
You don't want to get involved in any drama and be the bad person in the situation but there is always a possibility she may 'shoot the messenger' and there's every chance either he's manipulated her so much she's blind to his behavior or there is also a very real possibility that she knows already and is more than happy to accept the way he treats her and other girls.
Then there's the flip-side- the point of view that I too am on with you- if it were me, then I would want to know too because I certainly would not suffer a fool gladly and be in a relationship with a guy like that.
It really is down to you, and while I personally would steer to telling her, the way you do it is key- could you maybe suss from her Facebook who her best friend is and then go through them? Share the burden and speak to someone who is as close to her as humanly possible but someone who is not directing you in the line of fire, and not someone who is likely to verbally attack you and can talk it through and either you leave it with her or she gives you the advice on wether to proceed?
Good luck!
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No, you should not tell her. Like you said you do not like/want drama in your life. It was already the right thing for you to end all contact with him. You have no idea what their relationship is like. You don't know what this girl is like. It is understandable for you to feel that if you were in her shoes you would want to know. The right call you already made by breaking contact with this guy, but it is not your place to intervene or interfere with what happens further in their lives. The best would be for you to move on and suround yourself with honest and true people. Remember that the choices that people make will always have consequences. If he continues cheating on his girlfriend it will come back to haunt his conscience.
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