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E-mail: evelyn.norma104@yahoo.com Gender: Female Occupation: Police Officer Age: 25 Member Since: April 24, 2015 Answers: 2 Last Update: April 25, 2015 Visitors: 888
Main Categories: Mental health Friendship Abusive Relationships View All
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when a guy pursues you and tells you he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, how would you take that? I've known this amazing guy since 2007. He tells me that he really cares about me, holds my hands. spends time with me and shows affection. He acts like we're in a serious relationship? He's been there for me when I've went through things in my life. But he tells me he doesn't want anything serious. I can't imagine my life without him. (link)
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It sounds to me like he's having his cake and eating it... although you might not realize or want to admit it, he's kind of stringing you along a bit.
You clearly think the world of him, and he probably knows this and is getting all the home comforts of a girlfriend without having to give any commitment,
He states 'doesn't want anything serious at the moment' which would indicate he could be like this for a while or until someone who takes his fancy comes along?
You shouldn't have to wait in line while someone decides if they want a serious relationship with you, and you should value yourself a lot more than to wait around for something that may not happen.
If this person means a lot more to you, than you do to them then I think you should have an open conversation with him and make your feelings and intentions very clear to him and depending on how he responds, you should make some decisions from there--- if he doesn't want to lose you and sees your relationship developing then you've got the answers and maybe he was testing the waters and seeing what you thought- he might have been too nervous to dive right in and played it cool.
However if after hearing how much you feel for him in a romantic way, he still says it's not something he wants 'now/right now' then you need to, for the sake of your heart and sanity, start moving on because it's not fair on you to be left hanging.
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21/f
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. We flirted, hung out a couple of times, and hit it off. We texted every day since we met and he confessed that he liked me and wanted to see how things progressed with us. We ended up making out and talked about possibly doing more in the future.
All this time, he denied having a girlfriend. I know how guys can be, so I asked him (more than once) if he was single. He assured me he was.
Turns out he lied. I got a tip from someone on Facebook that he'd been lying to me and had a girlfriend, and even showed me a snapshot of the girl's profile, where her default pic is one of the two of them, posted just a few days ago. The message was anonymous; the profile looked very obviously fake, so I have no idea who it was that messaged me or how he/she found me or WHY he/she felt the need to tell me instead of the girlfriend. All I know is that they haven't told her and are not planning to. It's odd that they'd tell me instead of her so I have this sneaking suspicion that the "anonymous tip" came from a friend of mine... but that's irrelevant.
Point is, I ended up telling the guy off the next day and completely cut contact with him. But now I'm left wondering, should I tell the girlfriend? I don't want to get involved. I only knew the guy for a couple of weeks and I don't know anything about their relationship. I'm not one for drama and I don't want this to be my problem, which it will be if I say something. I don't know the girl at all, all I know is her facebook page. We don't have any mutual friends, nothing. It would just be her getting a message from a stranger telling her that she made out with her boyfriend. She may not even believe me. And whether she does or she doesn't, you can bet the guy won't be happy about it at all and might even try to get back at me somehow for ruining his relationship - which, again, I don't want to get in the middle of. Their relationship is none of my business; HE'S none of my business.
I feel like I have every reason to just keep my mouth shut and forget about it, but it all comes back to ONE important fact: If I were her, I'd want to know. She's probably all happy with him thinking she has this super nice boyfriend, but her super nice boyfriend was taking ME out on dates, DENYING her existence, wanting to hang out with me, HOOK UP with me, saying he liked me...
I'm not a bitter person. I'm not a vengeful person. I'm annoyed that I got played, but I don't feel the need to get back at him on my own behalf (though I know I have every right to). If anything, all I want to do for my sake is NOT tell. But it's not about me. It's not about him. It's about this girl who's getting cheated on and he shouldn't get away with it just because the girl he chose to cheat with is too "nice" to do anything about it. Am I wrong?
What should I do? I honestly can't decide. Even if I did tell her, how should I go about it? How do you even tell someone something like that, especially when you don't know each other at all? Help? (link)
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This is always a tough one..
On one hand, you don't know how this poor girl will react, she won't exactly welcome you with open arms and be pleased to hear not only is her boyfriend taking her for a fool- but you've told her about it too!
You don't want to get involved in any drama and be the bad person in the situation but there is always a possibility she may 'shoot the messenger' and there's every chance either he's manipulated her so much she's blind to his behavior or there is also a very real possibility that she knows already and is more than happy to accept the way he treats her and other girls.
Then there's the flip-side- the point of view that I too am on with you- if it were me, then I would want to know too because I certainly would not suffer a fool gladly and be in a relationship with a guy like that.
It really is down to you, and while I personally would steer to telling her, the way you do it is key- could you maybe suss from her Facebook who her best friend is and then go through them? Share the burden and speak to someone who is as close to her as humanly possible but someone who is not directing you in the line of fire, and not someone who is likely to verbally attack you and can talk it through and either you leave it with her or she gives you the advice on wether to proceed?
Good luck!
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