Member Since: April 26, 2015
Answers: 5
Last Update: April 26, 2015
Visitors: 1173
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Writing this was actually harder than I thought. My fingers feel almost too heavy just like my entire body. I just... I guess I feel lifeless. Nothing has been mattering to me lately - grades, social life, hygyene, health... nothing. But other times I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm tired of these moodswings, I just want them to go away. I want everything to go away - so much violence, so much hurt, so much stress, so much failure. I feel like crying right now but I wont. My roommate is sitting right in front of me and I don't want to explain why I'm crying. She's on a completely different level. On a "high of sugar" apparently. I envy her and her happy-go-lucky attitude. Nothing seems to weigh her down. But I'm not like that. I break easily. I get hurt easily. I don't say or show it often, but I do. I should probably stop before I cry. I feel pretty stupid when I cry, which makes me cry even more, and it turns into a vicious cycle. Right now I'm venting instead of telling my problem, but that's it: I don't know what it is. I wonder, would anyone even miss me? I get ignored quite a lot, like today when a friend invited me to hang over, but instead I ended up trying to pretend I was playing with my pone because they were too busy in their conversation. I don't go out a lot. I used to be skinny and I'm gaining weight. I changed from Geology to English just because I can't do math as well as other people. My family is a mess and I can't stand my own father. I used to be in karate last semester but I dropped out this semester and now I feel even more worthless than before... I just... I feel like I could just... disappear and it wouldn't matter, because I'm insignificant. In this big world I'm just another girl, and I'm tired of pretending around others. When I ask others "what should I do?" I get responses that are as superficial as a Barbie doll, so I came to this site hoping that I can get over this... I hate feeling like this. (link)
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lET ME SAY THAT I ENVY YOU FOR PUTTING YOUR FEELINGS OUT THERE ITS HARD FOR ME TO....
I am feeling the same you are right now .I feel hopeless and like the glow inside of me can only be seen by me . I feel maybe there really is not anything special about me. when people are not caring for you the way you deserve or need them too or your all alone you tend not to care about yourself anymore . sometimes not showering makes you feel closer to yourself and is a way of showing people how you feel on the inside. its kind of like a cry for help because every other way doesn't work. Just because your roommate is high on life doesn't mean you need to hold your tears back if your suffering. your in no position to explain anything and that's all you need to say. just ask them to understand your in pain and you just need them to be by your side right now that's all. it is ok to cry and it is cleansing so remember that!
I am sensitive too but theres nothing that you can do to stop that and its not a bad thing you may just understand things better than others and that makes people sensitive. If you died I really don't know if anyone would miss you because I am not you but I would hope by the sound of if that since you have friends and a roommate you like that they would miss you .They like you a little at least otherwise they would not be around you.
next time your friends are talking to eachother and not you when you are there , please step in and tell them how you feel(not all the time) but every once in awhile . They do think about it even if it doesn't show. they might just get carried away with eachother but they still enjoy your presence remember that!
I cant stand my father either and my family is a mess too so I feel ya there. just because your changing classes and not interested in karate anymore doesn't mean your worthless your just not interested or may not care anymore and its not a bad thing because you will eventually find something that you care about again. "your just growing up and finding yourself and seeing what you can and cannot do (limitations)"
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I'm beggining to hate them...
Here's the story
My bestfriend and I had this project in electronics, we spent four whole weeks graphing it, and buying all the parts needed in order to make it, and another 5 weeks assembling it. I promise, we did our best, but by the time we were going to pass it, one of the circuits broke down and the transformer burned down. So he bought a new one and he said he'll try to do it at his house. In the afternoon, he had this huge problem, the circuits of the new transformer was different from the one on our design, so there was no choice but to spend the night with him, and so it all began.
I asked my parents if I could spend the night at his house. They said no. So I cant do anything but persuade them, they legit said the rudest things. They said that I cant ever sleep in anyone of my schoolmates' houses because everyone there cant be trusted, they said my school had a bad reputation and everyone is immoral except me. At this point, I imagined all the parents including my bestfriend's who treated me so nicely when I went to their homes, and my parents are directly bashing them without any information. But there's something worse...
After that, I told them that I have already proven that my friend's arent stereotypes. Then what did they say? "You're friend is gay, you'll be sleeping under one blanket and I know he'll do dirty things on you! He's a fag."
Ok, before i rage, let me give you a few infos. I'm 17, my bestfriend's 16. The reason why they think he's gay is only because he acts childish. He hasnt matured yet, making him too polite. I've done everything to make them proud, I have a high position at a religious organization, my grades are all the highest, and i have treated them with upmost respect...
I knew if I raged, I would've made everything worse, so i just killed off one of the characters of the book im writing to express my feelings. Please help me, I texted my bestfriend and he told me we can try to make it before our teacher arrives, at 6 in the morning... So I went here and typed out my grief instead. (link)
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First of all your at the age where you need to have a voice and set boundries when it comes to how your parents talk about your friends and boyfriend if they have never done anything wrong to your parents.
ask your parents if it would be ok for them to talk face to face with YOU MANS parents ABOUT STAYING THE NIGHT and maybe you can agree that you will videotape yourselves while your staying there to prove everything is ok. OR SOMETHING
also with the boundaries... Whether you told your boyfriend what they said or not , you need to tell your parents that if they keep bad mouthing him, you will tell him and you cannot stop him from telling his parents if he wants.
You do not need to be guilt tripped or belittled because your a good kid and your a little better than most people they know . they should be patting you on the back not using your acomplishments against you.
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so ive been suffering depression for over seven years. im just about at the point where i CAN NOT stand it anymore. the emotional pain has gotten so bad throughout the years where it is now physical pain as well. and this is every fucking day. nothing makes me happy. not one single thing. i fake smiles and laughs everyday so no one will worry about me, but inside im depressed, broken, miserable, pained, etc all the damn time. ive done EVERYTHING to try to help myself: mental hospitals, residentials, psychiatrists, counselors, mentors, different medications, getting out of the house... NOTHING will fix me. like i am not happy, and i am so fucking suicidal. everyday i want to kill myself. and im so close to overdosing, and i know a kind of pill that WILL kill me if i take enough. i cant take this sharp pain anymore. i cant take wanting to die each day anymore. dont i have the right to end my own life now?
and please dont tell me to get help, ive been getting help constantly for over 7 years. it has never worked and will never work. (link)
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I don't know how you want me to answer this without telling you ways to get help but. let me get personal then....
I am going through it too and just like you I don't care anymore about you than you care about me because the pain is so bad we only care about ourselves and we think its ok to be selfish in some ways because of our suffering. can we agree????
if you really wanted to kill yourself you wouldn't say anything "its too embarrassing" because you don't have the balls., but you want too, you don't have the balls but you want too..... On and on the thoughts go. so Im thinking maybe you just want to kill yourself so you can wake up in your next life and live happier. that means you do want to live just not now , in this life, or as who you are right now but you still want to live right?? you do because your alive and your human and I will tell you why your not dead
YOUR NOT DEAD BECAUSE YOUR INTUITION IS TELLING YOU THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY SOMEDAY THATS WHY YOU HAVE THAT FEELING OF HOPE ALL THE TIME . ITS ACTUALLY YOUR INTUITION (PSYCHIC ABILITIES) TELLING YOU HAPPINESS IS TO COME. THATS WHY YOUR NOT GOING TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND YOU KNOW THE TRUTH, ITS JUST NOT COMING FAST ENOUGH.
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I really don't like my life, I know my life is better than some others, but I am just sick and tired of it. I don't want to die, I just want to lucid dream forever. I need help! I cry almost every night about the little mistakes i have had that day. Please help me, I don't want to live in the real world anymore! I just want a little excitement, compassion, and magic if you will. BTW I am 13. (link)
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You understand your not going to be 13 forever right? and you need to try to take your lucid dreams as a gift or as a privlidge. not everyone can have lucid dreams your lucky be happy at least for that. its ok to cry too , you need to know its healthy and it actually makes people feel better rather that holding it in all the time. I know its exhausting to cry all the time too.
And your not living in the real world yet ok?? Your not . You may have dabbled in it but you are not living in it so be happy for that for now because when it does come it will be the most terrifying experience. but, the real world will give you true love and show you your purpose in life which is fantastic to feel and learn. and you have magic in you just look up online how to empower yourself and how to channel positive energy you will learn that meditation can also help with all your problems.
sorry to hear your pain
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when a guy pursues you and tells you he doesn't want anything serious at the moment, how would you take that? I've known this amazing guy since 2007. He tells me that he really cares about me, holds my hands. spends time with me and shows affection. He acts like we're in a serious relationship? He's been there for me when I've went through things in my life. But he tells me he doesn't want anything serious. I can't imagine my life without him. (link)
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he is trying to tell you that he wants to keep exploring his options and connect with other girls besides you . He Obviously has some sort of feelings for you because he shows it. but he might be in a position where:
1. He might not trust himself
2. there is more than one girl he is pursuing and he cant decide.
3. he doesn't feel you deserve his devotion ( your not trying hard enough)
4. he is afraid of commitment and having rules that he needs to follow in a relationship. for example: not hanging out with other girls.
truthfully he might feel your pretty, nice, trustworthy, good in bed, and honest to him. but ,those emotional sparks are just not there for him and he doesn't want to get serious with someone that even though they give him everything , they don't emotionally have a spark with him that he wants to feel. so he is only going to go so far with you I am sorry.
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