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My parents are overacting (hear me out)
I'm beggining to hate them...
Here's the story
My bestfriend and I had this project in electronics, we spent four whole weeks graphing it, and buying all the parts needed in order to make it, and another 5 weeks assembling it. I promise, we did our best, but by the time we were going to pass it, one of the circuits broke down and the transformer burned down. So he bought a new one and he said he'll try to do it at his house. In the afternoon, he had this huge problem, the circuits of the new transformer was different from the one on our design, so there was no choice but to spend the night with him, and so it all began.
I asked my parents if I could spend the night at his house. They said no. So I cant do anything but persuade them, they legit said the rudest things. They said that I cant ever sleep in anyone of my schoolmates' houses because everyone there cant be trusted, they said my school had a bad reputation and everyone is immoral except me. At this point, I imagined all the parents including my bestfriend's who treated me so nicely when I went to their homes, and my parents are directly bashing them without any information. But there's something worse...
After that, I told them that I have already proven that my friend's arent stereotypes. Then what did they say? "You're friend is gay, you'll be sleeping under one blanket and I know he'll do dirty things on you! He's a fag."
Ok, before i rage, let me give you a few infos. I'm 17, my bestfriend's 16. The reason why they think he's gay is only because he acts childish. He hasnt matured yet, making him too polite. I've done everything to make them proud, I have a high position at a religious organization, my grades are all the highest, and i have treated them with upmost respect...
I knew if I raged, I would've made everything worse, so i just killed off one of the characters of the book im writing to express my feelings. Please help me, I texted my bestfriend and he told me we can try to make it before our teacher arrives, at 6 in the morning... So I went here and typed out my grief instead.
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Parenting?
First of all your at the age where you need to have a voice and set boundries when it comes to how your parents talk about your friends and boyfriend if they have never done anything wrong to your parents.
ask your parents if it would be ok for them to talk face to face with YOU MANS parents ABOUT STAYING THE NIGHT and maybe you can agree that you will videotape yourselves while your staying there to prove everything is ok. OR SOMETHING
also with the boundaries... Whether you told your boyfriend what they said or not , you need to tell your parents that if they keep bad mouthing him, you will tell him and you cannot stop him from telling his parents if he wants.
You do not need to be guilt tripped or belittled because your a good kid and your a little better than most people they know . they should be patting you on the back not using your acomplishments against you.
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Let me just say that your absolutely right to feel the way you do right now and theres no arguing that.
Your parents are very narrow minded, and because they are a couple AND most likely very religious from what it sounds like, they naturally will re-enforce each others closed minded theories on simple things like spending the night at a friends. It might not even be about all that, it might be just that they wouldnt be able to monitor and control you who knows.
Its really sad that they cant trust YOU enough to be able to take care of yourself SHOULD something like that happen if they are so sure of it (and i would mention that) their basically telling you that they dont trust your judgement at all and that you cant make your own choices as a person even though you are almost 18. I wonder how they expect you to be able to care for yourself as a man once you get older if you cant even be trusted to take care of yourself NOW? interesting isnt it?....
I would ask them things like this (in a calm manner of course)
They arent "protecting" or "preventing" anything from happening to you by doing what they are doing because if this young man WERE the way they claim and youve already been hanging out with him then something would have happened by now wouldnt it have?? and it hasnt so....
say things to get them to THINK for themselves, you might try talking to them about this stuff when you are alone with them separate of each other as well because one might be more dominate over the other and talking to them separate might help to break down the mental walls a little if you can say things to them ALONE that will force them to think. They arent always going to be on this earth to protect or prevent something from happening to you if your going to a school or living in an area where its bound to happen anyway right? at some point they will HAVE to step back and "have faith" that you can make your own choices and that theyve done everything they can do to raise you accordingly but now its time to back off a little and let you test your wings as a young man or else how are you ever supposed to fly?
say things like that to them, and this will over time break them down. no matter what happens STAY CALM, you cannot argue with what is right now a brick wall. Fight using logic and intelligence. cooler and collected heads and logical thinking will ALWAYS win.
If it were me i would let my parents know that ill be letting the teacher at school know about the awful things they have said about your friend and his family and that your final grade will suffer because of this and i hope that they will be prepared for the teacher, head of the school, or CPS calling them over this matter and that you wont be sparing any details of what they said either.
If they are as close minded as they are yet trying to play like they are a clean cut good religious family then this would expose them and they will no longer be able to hide behind religion, on this one.
If you DO choose to tell the teacher when asking her for some sort of extension then do it AWAY from your friend and talk to them teacher ALONE when you do it out of earshot of your friend. He doesnt need his feelings hurt by this. just tell him youll speak to the teacher alone about all this drama and see what you can get her to do. then tell her about it.
good luck.
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You might have to have a talk with your parents about it, like a calm talk. Maybe say that you shouldn't call my friends that if you don't want me to say that about yours or, some people mature faster and have different personallity's than others, I'm sure you spent the night at someone's house when you were a teen. If your grade really depends on it, your teacher might understand your problem and give you some extra time. Hoped my advice helped! :)
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I'm with Adviceman, I too wonder how your parents came to be so narrow minded. I can make assumptions based on the fact you mentioned a religious organization you're part of. But having attended church from my teens until my 40's, I know what it can be like. I left because I learned to think for myself and not blindly believe what church leaders said. If your parents are involved heavily in church, it may be that what they hear from the pulpit has influenced them. I know I let it influence me when my kids were little. I was told Harry Potter was not a book any Christian child should read, its of the Devil. It wasn't until they were teens we saw the first movie and I realized it was nothing more than pure imagination and good writing. No more made up than Fairy tales and stories of Ogres like Shrek. Unfortunately some people's minds can't handle what they hear and take it with a grain of salt. So, basically saying, if its church related in origin, then these beliefs were wrong to be preached to them but they also had a choice in believing it or not. So they are in error for believing it if this is the case. Or they may just be fearful people to begin with and pick it up simply from listening to bad news stories or paper articles.
I am sorry they are like that. It would seem, you are acting more like the adult and the parents like children. But until you are 18, its true, you have no legal right to go against their wishes. One would hope that all parents were more mature and the kind of person their kids want to grow up to be, but that isn't so. Many very immature or seriously messed up people become parents too easily because unlike professions in the world, this isn't something you can go to school and earn a degree in, just have sex and get pregnant. I know this doesn't make things any better.
The only thing I can think of is a situation where a teen can through the courts become legally emancipated from the parents. This means the teen can no longer expect any help from parents and is wholly responsible for paying for their own housing and food and schooling, everything. I am attaching a link that explains it a bit further. Considering that you'd need to work to support yourself, the stress level would be just as high as it is now, only you'd be making all your own choices. So my guess is that its better to stay with the parents until you turn 18, but I'd be working part time and saving up now to have a buffer in the bank if you do decide to room with a friend once you turn 18.
Heres the link tho.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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Well it is good that you were able to vent to us. Unfortunately you are 17 and at least for the next year until you turn 18 you have to do as your parents say and you must ask permission to do anything. Once you turn 18 it is a different story in the eyes of the law you are and adult with all the advantages and responsibilities of an adult.
From a strictly legal standpoint on the day before your 18th birthday you parents can punish you as they see fit. They can ground you, restrict you to the house or use any other form of punishment they have ever used on you. At the moment the clock strikes midnight they can no longer do any of that or face legal consequences.
What I'm trying to say is it does not matter if I think you are overreacting or not. What matters is there is nothing you can do about how your parents chose to allow you to do or not to do. You were right not to fly into a rage and as someone old enough to be your grandparent I am proud of you for not doing so.
What does bother me is how your parents come to feel as they do about your friend and the school attend. If I felt as they did about the school my child was assigned to I would do something about it. I would seek to have my child moved to another school or I would find away to either home school or find a private school. Their perception of your friend and your school is rather closed minded and I wonder how they come by this.
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