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If I've been suffering this long, don't I have the right to leave?
so ive been suffering depression for over seven years. im just about at the point where i CAN NOT stand it anymore. the emotional pain has gotten so bad throughout the years where it is now physical pain as well. and this is every fucking day. nothing makes me happy. not one single thing. i fake smiles and laughs everyday so no one will worry about me, but inside im depressed, broken, miserable, pained, etc all the damn time. ive done EVERYTHING to try to help myself: mental hospitals, residentials, psychiatrists, counselors, mentors, different medications, getting out of the house... NOTHING will fix me. like i am not happy, and i am so fucking suicidal. everyday i want to kill myself. and im so close to overdosing, and i know a kind of pill that WILL kill me if i take enough. i cant take this sharp pain anymore. i cant take wanting to die each day anymore. dont i have the right to end my own life now?
and please dont tell me to get help, ive been getting help constantly for over 7 years. it has never worked and will never work.
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Oh my, I was brought to tears at your question. I once thought I had the strong right to leave this world since I've been suffering depression for God knows how long. I suffer with major depressive disorder and social anxiety to this very day. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but Jesus gives me the hope everyday that everything will get better. I have no clue if you follow God and Jesus. You might not be a Christian. Hey, I'm not either, I'm only spiritual. But They help me through every single day as I try to pray to Them everyday to help ease the pain away. And it truly helps. If you don't believe in Them, find the help in a friend or you can e-mail me, or if you have a Kik, Kik me at: Aquariflower.
I once was at your exact place. Nothing could make me happy, but to be honest, yes, nothing can make you happy. You have to find the happiness within yourself.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
But please, will you please give me a chance to try to help you? <3
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I don't know how you want me to answer this without telling you ways to get help but. let me get personal then....
I am going through it too and just like you I don't care anymore about you than you care about me because the pain is so bad we only care about ourselves and we think its ok to be selfish in some ways because of our suffering. can we agree????
if you really wanted to kill yourself you wouldn't say anything "its too embarrassing" because you don't have the balls., but you want too, you don't have the balls but you want too..... On and on the thoughts go. so Im thinking maybe you just want to kill yourself so you can wake up in your next life and live happier. that means you do want to live just not now , in this life, or as who you are right now but you still want to live right?? you do because your alive and your human and I will tell you why your not dead
YOUR NOT DEAD BECAUSE YOUR INTUITION IS TELLING YOU THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY SOMEDAY THATS WHY YOU HAVE THAT FEELING OF HOPE ALL THE TIME . ITS ACTUALLY YOUR INTUITION (PSYCHIC ABILITIES) TELLING YOU HAPPINESS IS TO COME. THATS WHY YOUR NOT GOING TO KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND YOU KNOW THE TRUTH, ITS JUST NOT COMING FAST ENOUGH.
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Hey there!
Your question actually made me tear up a bit, and I don't remember that happening while reading a question before, because I have been in that dark place many, many times, so it kinda hit close to home I guess. You start off saying that you have been suffering depression for over seven years. So you've made it this far! That's amazing. Why did you hold on so long? There must've been a reason. Whatever that reason is, think about it. The reason I held on so long is because I have a lot of dreams I want to pursue in life, and it's not fair to myself to end it when times get tough. There's a reason you held on, so keep holding on. Things get better, I swear.
You don't want to get help, that makes me think that you feel like nothing will help anymore, so it's useless. We can't do it alone, but at the same time, we can't rely on other people to fix us, we can't rely on medication to fix us. A lot of people do, and then they are disappointed. Help starts with you. You have to want the help. You have to want to get better, and you have to believe that things will get better if you give it the chance. If you don't, nothing will ever help. You have to want to live, you have to want to kick this depression's ass, and not let it break you. You have to find out what helps you. I highly suggest you look into Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), that is something that truly helps. You can google it for more information, since I don't know how to send links on here. I don't believe in medication unless it is absolutely crucial. I have been on many a medication and I developed a neurological disorder as a result of it called tardive dyskinesia. So medication is no longer an option for me. That's scary. Mental hospitals keep you safe, so if you feel like you are a danger to yourself, call 911. They don't necessarily help in the long run, but they do teach DBT. I have done a lot of things to help myself, and when it didn't, I also felt like you.
Some of the things that I found have helped me are:
* Laughing. Making other people laugh. There's this quote I love: "You have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy." ~Ken Kesey
* A sense of humor.
* Surrounding myself with friends. Making friends.
* Distracting myself.
* Taking some deep breaths. Looking in the mirror and telling myself tomorrow will be better. I'm doing the best I can.
* Hugs. Ask someone for a hug! First hug is from me *cyber hug*. Physical touch is so healing.
* Reach out for help, and I know you said not to tell you that, but even reaching out to a friend for help is also good. We cannot do it alone, even though we wish we could. I fake smiles a lot too. A lot of my friends can see through the fake smiles, and I love them for that. People want to help. There is help out there. So many people don't want to worry others with their depression, so they pretend to be fine and happy. You're not doing anyone any favors by pretending to be fine. I'm sure they want to help. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to be in this kind of pain. If you already feel like you are about to commit suicide, imagine the kind of worry they will be in if they find you unconscious, and didn't have the slightest clue that you were going through hell. People care.
* Writing in a journal helps a lot. Spill your heart out, just like you did here. Write down your pain.
* Cry. A good cry is all we need sometimes.
* Funny YouTube videos
* Going for a walk or a run. Enjoying nature's beauty. Working out has also been proven to help with depression in many, many cases.
* Music. Some songs that have been helpful for me are:
"Nobody's Home" by: Avril Lavigne
"Bring on the rain" by: Jo Dee Messina
"Beauty in the broken" by: Hyland (I'm not a Christian, but there is beauty in the broken, and it's an amazing, amazing song. Let someone hold you through it.)
"Born to be somebody" by: Justin Bieber
Your question: don't you have the right to end your life right now? I have asked this many times in the past, and I have heard people asking this. The answer to that has always been a scared face not knowing what to say. A very scared face from a loved one. The answer is no. You don't. I heard that once, and it actually helped so much. You have to fight. You don't have a choice. Keep telling yourself that. I'm not a person that has the greatest life and doesn't understand depression and suicidal feelings and sits there behind a screen telling you to live with this pain. I have battled depression for years and I'm bipolar so it always comes back, but guess what, it passes again... You don't have the right, first of all, because you don't want to kill yourself, the depression wants to kill you. You don't deserve to die. So no. Mr. Depression doesn't have the right to end YOUR life. The question should be, don't you have the right to live right now? Yes. You're not alive right now. You deserve to live. You don't deserve to die. You don't deserve to hurt. You deserve to be happy. The kind of pain your loved ones will be in if you end it here, is something you do not want to put them through. I always thought it was kind of selfish for them to expect me to live in pain, but you really do not want to put them through it. But mostly, if you end it, that is the end to your existence. You don't exist anymore. That is not fair to YOU. Things cannot get better for you anymore. You will never experience true joy, true love, nothing. It's over. Right now, you might think that is exactly what you want, for it to be over, but I think you just want the pain to be over.
You are NEVER too lost to be saved. Tell yourself that a million times a day. You are very precious, and there's a reason you are here. There is. Going through the unimaginable torture that you are going through right now, will make you a very strong, kind, understanding person once you come out of this state, and you will be able to help and heal other people. I know it's a cliche, but what doesn't kill you, really truly does make you stronger. Take it one hour at a time. One day at a time is sometimes too overwhelming to think about. So one minute at a time, one hour at a time. Just make it through the hour. Stay alive. Then make it through another hour.
I have seen this post on Facebook recently.
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day. Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet. It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
Remember this quote too: "Deep inside of you is more strength than you've ever known."
You should know this is true since you have battled depression for seven years and you're still here.
You've got one life. No one can replace you.
Again, I will reiterate what I said before: we can't always do it alone. Start by reaching out to a friend or family member.
Good luck! Hang in there!
Hopefully I have distracted you for a bit with my very long answer :)
Have a day!
xoxo
~alexisgirlie
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I have suffered from clinical depression so I know a bit about how you are feeling. What I do not understand is why with 7 years of professional help you are not feeling or getting any better.
I can think of only three reasons why you are not getting any better.
1. You are not seeing the right clinician or the clinician has not gained your trust enough to be successful.
2. You are not working with hard enough maybe because you do not trust your therapist.
3. You are not compliant with any medications you are taking or should be taking.
I too suffered with Clinical depression for a long time before I sought help. When I did I sought the help of a Board Certified Psychiatrist and a Psychologist. The Psychiatrist provided medication and worked with my psychologist to monitor my progress in talk therapy.
The primary cause of CLINICAL DEPRESSION is hormonal in nature. Meaning that certain hormones secreted into the brain are insufficient to control depression. The antidepressant generally is the generally prescribed medication as a replacement hormone for what is lacking or insufficient within the brain where it is secreted.
Yes at first you feel a bit fuzzy but after the medication takes hold and your body becomes accustomed to it you feel better and less fuzzy. There can be some side effects to these medications and if they are bothersome you speak to your psychiatrist about a different medication or different dosage.
Why a Board Certified Psychiatrist? This is a medical doctor who has had specialized training in a fellowship to deal with this type of problem. Your family doctor has not had this training and in some states a doctor who did a psychiatry round as part of his or her residency is allowed to practice psychiatry. This does not make them the best doctors to help us.
For talk therapy a psychologist is the best person to work with. Depression in people your age starts in puberty for as I said it is hormonal in nature and it is during puberty that your hormones get all mixed up. Also stress is a big factor. Puberty is very stressful on females especially. Put these all together and you have what is now diagnosed as teenage depression, a form of clinical depression.
I cannot say from the information you have provided why you are still suffering. I also am not a doctor. It is quite possible that by not seeing the right doctors you have not been properly diagnosed and treated. You need to give the right doctors another chance.
Suicide is not an option it is the wrong solution. I am living proof that the proper help works. You may need to find a new therapist, one you can trust. Possibly a female someone you can talk to. I'm a guy but I found working with a female psychologist very helpful.
Depression has a cycle. Depression causes pain, pain causes depression. You need to break that cycle. Until you get to the root cause you won't break the cycle. My therapist saw something and continued to chip away until I gave in. It was something so deeply hidden by me that I didn't even realize I remembered it until one day in a therapy session it all came tumbling out. Once it did she helped me put it in its proper perspective and it is no longer hidden. I deal with it. Its in the past.
Give yourself a chance with the right doctors. Life is worth living. IF after reading this you still feel suicidal call 911.
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I'm sorry to hear that going for professional help hasn't helped. I've never had clinical depression, just the short term ones based on life situations that came up, so i can't begin to know what you are going through and I can understand feeling that hopeless.
Do you have a right to make any decisions for your own life or the ending of it, I would have to say, much as I am against people considering suicide that yes, it is a person's right to do so. Whether in the state they're in , they truly have tried everything or have failed to see a possible path to feeling better, I don't know.
I only have a slight clue of something to offer to you to ask yourself based on the time I went for counseling help when I was majorly depressed.
It was due to the situation I found myself in. Married 25 yrs to a man who was verbally abusive. On a day to day basis, I could handle it. But over the years, even tho it didn't make me lose self confidence, and affect emotionally, I began to be effected by the stress physically.
So I post this to you, if you are living in a life situation where you are daily faced with that type of stress due to a job or a relationship you're in with a toxic negative person, then think seriously about leaving both and finding other situations for yourself. That can relieve that excess stress so that therapy from Drs. helps. If not, I have no answer for you on what you can do. Life is precious but I know of people I've heard of who weren't depressed but had painful life long disease and they finally got tired of it and wanted out and many sought out that Dr. Kevorkian or somthing like that.
All I can say is, if loved ones agree it is the only choice for a sick family member to allow them that choice, then so be it. If you may be hurting loved ones by commiting suicide, and they never had a clue of your situation to tyr to help support and encourage, its worth telling family what's going on than silently dissappearing as they most surely will be left with confusion and parents or siblings wondering if they could have helped, and feeling guilt. It can have major repercussions with those you leave behind, such as parents marriage splitting up over the loss in a teen suicide. I just ask you to look at all the possibilities of what your action might create and whether there is something you still can do to alleviate some of that pain. Blessings to you.
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