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so ive been suffering depression for over seven years. im just about at the point where i CAN NOT stand it anymore. the emotional pain has gotten so bad throughout the years where it is now physical pain as well. and this is every fucking day. nothing makes me happy. not one single thing. i fake smiles and laughs everyday so no one will worry about me, but inside im depressed, broken, miserable, pained, etc all the damn time. ive done EVERYTHING to try to help myself: mental hospitals, residentials, psychiatrists, counselors, mentors, different medications, getting out of the house... NOTHING will fix me. like i am not happy, and i am so fucking suicidal. everyday i want to kill myself. and im so close to overdosing, and i know a kind of pill that WILL kill me if i take enough. i cant take this sharp pain anymore. i cant take wanting to die each day anymore. dont i have the right to end my own life now?

and please dont tell me to get help, ive been getting help constantly for over 7 years. it has never worked and will never work.

Oh my, I was brought to tears at your question. I once thought I had the strong right to leave this world since I've been suffering depression for God knows how long. I suffer with major depressive disorder and social anxiety to this very day. Sometimes I feel like giving up, but Jesus gives me the hope everyday that everything will get better. I have no clue if you follow God and Jesus. You might not be a Christian. Hey, I'm not either, I'm only spiritual. But They help me through every single day as I try to pray to Them everyday to help ease the pain away. And it truly helps. If you don't believe in Them, find the help in a friend or you can e-mail me, or if you have a Kik, Kik me at: Aquariflower.

I once was at your exact place. Nothing could make me happy, but to be honest, yes, nothing can make you happy. You have to find the happiness within yourself.
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Happiness-Within-Yourself

But please, will you please give me a chance to try to help you?

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Okay, so I'm nearly 16. I know you're going to say that it's too early for me to worry about this, but I GENUINELY believe that I'm going to be alone forever. I'm a guy, and I'm pretty much asexual unless it's Lana Del Rey or Beyoncé or someone like that. I'm fat so I can't have someone like that. I see my friends taking their girlfriends on dates that they complain aren't expensive enough. I am seriously going to be alone until I become a dentist and have a ton of money and have someone marry me for money. I'm going to be miserable. I would really love to do something with houses, or design, because that's what I'm genuinely good at and enjoy doing. But I can't do that because I want to be rich and they make peanuts. It's unrealistic. I'm just so sad right now.

Hun, trust me, you will not be alone forever. With the horrid breakups I've experienced in the past, I also thought I was going to be alone forever. I have finally found someone that I can genuinely picture my whole life with. It takes time, hun. People cross paths with their soul-mate at different moments of life. Some may meet them in their teenage years. Some in their twenties. Some may even experience that wonderful event sometime later in their life. You never know, but you will not be alone forever.

Please don't call yourself fat. I like the word 'overweight' a bit better than 'fat.' Just because you're overweight has nothing to do with you finding the right female that will be with you for the rest of your life. The right female will not give two cares how skinny or how overweight you are. The right female will, if you are insecure about your weight, will willingly help you achieve a goal of losing, maybe, ten pounds. She will share the not going to fast food restaurants to eat, the eating more vegetables and eating less sweets, the let's run a mile today!, and so on.

And the right female will definitely not care at all about how much money you have. If you find the right female, she'll stand by you and support you even if you two are at the point where you're about to lose everything. She will not care what job you have. She will not care what paycheck you bring at the end of two weeks. All she will care about is being with YOU. Not your money. But YOU.

If you enjoy having an occupation that has to do with house design or anything with houses, PLEASE do it, hun. Personally, I would rather do what I most love to do in the world and bring home an average salary every year than work at a job where I'd have to drag myself out of bed every morning and force myself to do my best and bring home an enormous salary that'll throw away all my troubles. I want my GENUINE happiness; not happiness from money. Money doesn't make me happy, personally. Please do what you love to do, hun.

I hope I helped. (:

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