|
He broke up with his girlfriend and he's talking to me again.
I am a junior in college, 20 years old. The guy this is about is 23 years old and a senior in college but is staying an extra semester in college.
My sophomore year of college:
I met this guy through a mutual friend of ours. I got his number one night, we had talked everything will day the person who even fell asleep first during the night would be the person to respond to the last text sent from the night before so the conversation would never end. He has a very flirty sense of humor and I really enjoy his company and talking to him all the time. His friend was turning 21 One night and they were all going out to the bar to celebrate, he asked me if I could pick him up and bring him back to his place because he knew that he would be drunk to which I was happy that he would be smart about that to ask me to do that so I told him yes. So he texted me around 2 o'clock in the morning when the bar closed, that he and his friends are ready to leave. So I left my place to go get them and when I went back to their place and we all hung out and talked for little bit, he pulled me in his room to tell me that he did not want to be with his friends that night because they were all much more drunk than he was so I offered for him to stay at my place. He said yes and after he left his room, he told his friend goodbye and we left to go back to my place. Now, I work for housing so I had a early desk shifts around 6 o'clock in the morning, we got back to my placeat around 230 in the morning and we had talked until about five, I fell asleep for about 45 minutes and when I woke up from my desk shift and got out of my bed, he woke up too. I told him to go back to bed. After my desk shift, I went back to my room and he was awake watching tv, saying he couldn't fall asleep with me and then fall back asleep without me so I went back to bed and we fell back asleep. When we woke back up, we stayed there for a few more hours just talking and then we decided we qere hungry. I got up to go to the dining hall and he pulled me back down to my bed and kissed me and then said thanks for taking care of him and being there.
Fast forward to junior year:
He and I talked all through the summer and everything but at the start of school he started talking about a girl he works with at home and how she will be attending our university. When his texts started getting more sparce a month into school, I saw on Twitter that he was dating the girl he told me about. I wasn't mad they were and I wasn't even mad he stopped talking to me.
About a month ago, he texted me and asked if I knew this girl and sent me a picture. I knew her so I told him yea and he started grilling me asking me how and all of these things trying to set up a time we could all hang out but he wouldn't tell me why he was asking me these things so I got mad and stopped answering him
About two weeks ago, he texted me and asked if I remembered the argument we had about the girl he wanted to get to know. I said that yes, I did remember and he told me he wanted to clear the air that it was his girlfriend that texted me and wanted to know because she had a weird girl crush on that girl and wanted to be friends with her. He apologized a lot and told me he knew it upset me how rude she was being and he wanted me to know that he would never intentionally upset me like that and he wanted me to know that it wasn't him.
This past Saturday he texted me and asked me what I was doing. I told him I was playig with my friend's pet duck. He told me he had a cat before with his girlfriend. I told him I know and that I rmemeber that, he had to return the cat because they felt after his attitude hasn't changed in the couple weeks they had him that a college campus wasn't a suitable environment for that cat so they took him back to his owner. When I told him that I remember, he then told me that it was a different cat and that his girlfriend took this one home because they broke up and he left her have the cat but she couldn't keep it on campus since she lives in a dorm. I told him I was sorry for the break up and he said "Why do you think I told you it was her texting you that night and not me? I didn't want you to be mad at me."
Since then, it's been like before. We haven't stopped talking. We talk and reminisce about the night he stayed with me after drinking with his friends, we talk about how much fun we used to have hanging out, we talk about his best friend's deployment, everything. He's since asked me to hang out too and the one night I was sick of caring for my drunk friends, he told me to drop them all off at their respective places and if I needed anywhere to stay, his door was always open.
However, I don't know how to feel. I mean, I like it that were talking again, I did miss him. But I kind of feel like I'm only good enough for him when he's single. Or that he's got ulterior motives, that he maybe wants me to be his rebound. I haven't hung out with him even though hes asked and I don't know if I should, he misses his ex girlfriend (she broke up with him) and I don't know if he's just talking to me again for him to get over her.
It makes me feel iffy that he isn't using me to get over her because he calls me friend a lot in his texts. He did that before but I think he's doing it a lot more now. But he is asking me to hang out and he went right back to how we used to be as good friends. I even told him one night that they could all go to my friends place to hang out me and then I told him I fast tracked that if he was with his ex, I didn't want them to since I know she didn't like me and I knew she was the reason he stopped talking to me all those months (to which he agreed that she was the reason) and he was quick to text me and tell me that she wasn't with them if I wanted them to go to my friends place to hang out, they could.
So my question is, am I thinking too hard about this? I missed him. I like how we mesh together so well. But could there be ulterior motives? Should I be mad that he stopped talking to me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
You have to communicate with him, that is the only way you will know how he feels about you. He may be able to say i was scared to tell you how i feel or i don't want to lose the friendship. Be strong and spontaneous and live life. You could be missing out on a great opportunity, but you would never know unless you go grab it
]
As long as you both are taking it as a friendship there is no harm at all, make sure that being aware about the facts and having a sense os all the causes and consequences you do not fall in love with him and if at all you do please do not confess , he is a mature and a good person, he would not want to break your heart and might stop talking with you again.
Answer to your question there is nothing to worry about
]
Been there, done that! I know you don't want to believe it but if he really wanted to be with you he would be. I was in a similar situation before. He was with me and while with me he was talking to another girl. He was just with me until he could get her. After he succeeded in getting with her I didn't exist. Then when they broke up he wanted me again... that is until he found someone else again. When they broke up he was trying AGAIN but of course I wasn't dumb enough to go back. Don't let him use you like that. If you feel you are only good enough when he is single. Chances are you are right. You deserve better. If you want to try it out then talk to him and let him know you are not just the in between or the rebound. But be careful guys can be vicious at times. Go for someone who really wants you for you and always wants you around. S
]
Trust your gut instinct..it is almost always RIGHT. It sounds like he is not over her yet. I know it is hard because you want to believe he only wants you, but if he is still referring to you as a 'friend' than he is just pulling on your heart strings & most likely is looking for a friend with benefits, because he knows how much you care about him.
No matter what he says, he's trying to get over that girl and distract himself. You have to stand up and not let him do that to you, because once you find out he was NOT trying to be your boyfriend, you are going feel disgusted!
He sounds like a guy friend (rly good friend since h/s) I used to know that did the same thing to me when I was 18. He seemed really into me (not long at all after his serious gf broke up w/ him), wanted to hang out ALL the time, take me out, make out, BUT then as soon as we slept together, he completely changed.
ANYWAY the reason I am sharing this with you is b/c I could not be close friends with him afterwards. I realized he'd used me for sex and a rebound. It hadn't been a long enough time since they broke up. Oh and he started dating my ex-best friend several months to a year later b/c then it had been long enough time.
Your guy sounds a lot like this one, because you are/were such close friends. I think his motives are selfish because he knows how much you care for him and that you will always be there for him. You deserve better in my opinion! So now..do NOT answer him immediately or be at his 'beck and call' if you are. Even if you are pretending..say you are busy doing something or actually do go do stuff with your friends etc. This will make intrigue him and keep him guessing..if he really wants you.
I am not trying to hurt you and I know this seems harsh but a lot of guys lie and can be completely different than you think they are. I want to prevent you from this, because I have seen this happen to other girlfriends (other than me lol) as well. It is different in a g/f b/f scenario than a friendship. I would keep your distance & please do not become sexually involved since he seems to only come around when he's lonely or whatever. And he seems like he just always needs a lady wanting him and that he can flirt with. Wait several months and see if he is still talking about her or not and see if he refers to you as just a friend. Then you will really know or maybe you will find someone else in the meantime that is not so confusing. I hope this helps!!! Be strong!
]
More Questions: |