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humorist-workshop
Is it normal to stay in a relationship "just for the time being"?
I've been with my fiance for two years. We met when I was 17, I'm 20 now and he's 23. I love him a lot and he's my bestfriend as well but I don't really see us being together forever. In fact I don't even see us getting married...ever.
I feel like right now we both belong together because we're both still young. I'm in college and working part time. I will graduate in 2-3 years and in my field it will be very easy to find a good-high paying job. He's at the start of what might be an okay career path as an assistant manager of a store ( and he's been told he'll be a manager in a year or so) but that doesn't really impress me.
He's fine with a middle class to upper middle class life but I'm really not. I'm okay with it right now as I'm still young but when I'm 30 I want to be at the start of living an upper-class life and only move up from there. I want the kind of life where I can afford a luxury vehicle like a Tesla, nice house, and be able buy designer labels when and where I'd like. I'm not talking super rich but I'd like to at least be able to afford those things.
I don't really see him ever having those things as he doesn't think they're important (I obviously do). I also want a big beautiful wedding and I know he's never going to be able to provide that for me and I'm not willing to foot the entire cost. I'd rather be with somebody who can at least split the cost, you know. I'm also not willing to have a tiny cheap wedding. I want the disney princess glam wedding dress not something cheap from a thrift store. :( I want a husband who makes as much as I do or more and has more of the same opinions and tastes in life than my current fiance.
We have vastly different points of view on everything from our tastes in food to our major life goals and religious beliefs. Right now I'm okay with putting up with all that but I don't want to be with somebody who will never see eye to eye with me for my whole life.
Is it okay that I'm only with him for right now and I know it?
P.S.
I know this is trivial but honestly I also hate my engagement ring. It was like $700 but it's super tiny and I've always dreamed of showing off an engagement ring with a great big diamond in it (even if it's fake). I loved the one I have at first but now a year later I've realized what I really want and it's not this.
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I'm with her its not fair to leave him because of your opinion what if he loves you so much he proposes to you? Are you going to denie him and break his fragile heart 💜.it hurts I know I've seen it. Listen this is your relation ship not mine but do as you please.
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It's actually not fair towards him. So I would say it's not ok. The longer you stay with him the more he sees you as a part of his life. Why not tell him the truth about how you see your future and how he according to your plans doesnt fit in. I think honesty is still the best way.
But honestly I thimk that you are being very materialistic. What makes you think that he can't make it upper class in future? Men value women that stood by them when they had nothing more than those that jump at them because of their financial status.
Go for love not money. As far as a man is educated, hard working and has dreams that he is chasing he can always make it.
I think you should just be honest with him and tell him how you truely feel and what you really desire but on no condition just stay with him for 'right now'
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You brought up so many things that doesnt seem right for you to think. It shouldn't matter about the money or the stuff you can but or any of that material crap, it just matters if you actually love that person. You briefly mentioned that you guys don't have anything in common; thats a different story. You should elaborate more on that side of it, not the money and upper class of it. More about lifestyles and morals
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The short answer to your question is it is not okay because in a sense for what ever reasons you have. Be it for security or romance or just plain sex; your leading him on and that is not fair. He is expecting to one day marry you.
You are very materialistic. This is both good and bad. This is good as it is very useful as a driving force to reach your goals. It is bad to set goals based on material values. Yes a definite contradiction in terms.
To marry someone for their ability to provide you with the finer things in life rather than for true love is wrong. You can try and convince yourself you love that person though what you really love is there money or potential for making that money. These marriages generally fail unless both parties are aware of why they are entering into this marriage. These are called contract marriages. Many of these marriages fail as well but some do survive, more than the other type.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a spouse who earns the same as you do or has the potential to earn as you do. In fact this is a good thing for where there is a great degree of earnings difference where the wife earns more than the husband. The husband tends to feel inadequate which is a good reason for a marriage to fail.
Your materialistic values are both good and bad. Unfortunately if you base your life on materialistic values you a cruising towards disaster. I urge you to rethink you need for materialist needs.
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Is it okay that I'm only with him for right now and I know it?
No.
Or more precisely: Not unless he knows it too.
Lots of relationships have expiry dates. That's not mean, or inhumane. In lots of relationships both people know that it'll will end when one of them moves, or the semester or the vacation is over. The important part of that is: Both People Know.
If he doesn't know, then you are using him as object for your own comfort and security. You are being lazy and you are lying to him, and to all your family and friends, about your future together. That's not okay. Actually, that is a pretty monstrously cruel thing to do to another person.
Here is what is okay: It's okay to know in your heart the relationship is over, but to still need a bit of time to build up the certainty to actually end it. Hopefully, that's the place you are really in right now. Breaking up is hard and sometimes we look for excuses not do it. That's not a great thing, but it is human and it is hard.
Right now, you know in your heart this relationship is over. You owe it this guy, who asked you to spend your life with him, to not to lie to him about your intentions. Even if you don't love him anymore, as a fellow human being, he is owed that basic truth from you. So stop making excuses, and start preparing for the moment of honesty, because if you are decent person - not a user or monster - that is where this is headed, and the more respectful you are of him, the quicker it's headed that way.
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