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Ways to get over someone?
Girl
So i have a crush from last year, i confessed and fucked things up and but i still have feelings for him. we dont talk to each other anymore so we are basically enemies i think. i really want to get him outta my mind but somehow i cant. any advice for getting over someone? whenever i see him at skl i just feel so sad gusdhfkjl xthanks
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I've found a pretty easy way. Find songs you like that talk shit about your ex or her or him. It has a strange "empowering" effect. Try it and see for yourself.
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While the last advicegiver gave true advice as i agree with their saying it's all in the head, I feel that may not be enough explanation to help in the way you are needing. So I will give details to help explain.
Each person alive has two minds, their conscious, awake selfs mind and also a subconscious mind which runs things you dont have to think about, blinking yur eyes and drawing your next breath, it also is the mind active that runs your dream time, and it also where all your emotions, good and not so good are stored.
So while with your conscious thoughts realize its over and there's no chance with him, its really your subconscious mind that can't let go of him and get over him. But you need to understand your subconscious minds reasonings and actions first to understand why that is so. Bear with me, as even if this sounds like off the track to answering your question, it will in the end give you a better idea of why its still happening. I can't say if yoo'll be totally successful at arriving at a solution but knowing the root cause is the first step towards a solution.
Ever hear of the term, Alter Ego? It describes a person having two very different personalities. While not the same thing, having these two minds is pretty close to the same end result in my mind. One mind is thinking totally different than the other, in some people fighting against each other rather than the two minds working to support each other in bringing the best possible life to you. I am well aware of my subconscious. I've talked to her all my life, you know, the person who talks to themself, and often I'd answer myself, or so I thought until as an adult i came to understand the role of the subconscious.
The subconscious is where all our emotions are stored and come from. It is very sensitive to what your awake conscious mind is focusing on. No matter if its something good for you or bad for you, its role is to make your dreams and wishes come true. The sub mind has no ability to see the difference between something good or bad, only interpreting what yur conscious mind dwells on so much as something yu desire and will do everything it can to supply the emotions to support what you think too much about or cause you to change your behavior to bring about what you want, altho in your case, you realize it hasn't made a difference. The subconscious doesnt see that. Its more like the eager pet dog, wanting to please its master, or a two year old child, not having the understanding of a more mature, teen or adult mind. So in fact what it is doing, thinking its helping you is in fact doing the opposite. Like a little child, if left to its own devices, it will become unruly and out of hand and can make your entire life miserable. But like a child, with training and discipline, the subconscious mind can learn to work together with your conscious mind and realize its not helping, that you want it to change its thinking and behavior on parts of you that it has control over and begin to work together rather than unintetionally fight you.
I fear I may have lost you in that. But here's a simple illustration of how your sub mind works. Think of a movie that really made you feel anger towards a character, fear, or made you cry. Your conscious mind knows those were just actors and those things didn't really happen to them, but the subconscious doesnt know that. All it notices is your focus for two hours on a movie and supplies the emotions as if its really happening to you. And thats why there's some movies whose emotional impact on you cant be forgotten easily and sometimes can result in dreaming about or nightmares. I hope you see now how this is all connected.
So the basic solution is to have your awake self talk to your sub mind, not necessarily out loud but internally works too, and tell it that you don't want to think of him anymore and continue to feel hurt, you want it to stop. Think saying it once will help? Nope. Its now a habit thats had over a years times to get firmly in place. So what you need to do is everytime you think of him when he's not around, thoughts of him come to your awake mind, supplied by your sub mind, you capture that thought, meaning, you tell yourself, no..i told you i dont want to think of him or feel hurt by him anymore so stop doing this.
The only problem here is that this retraining process is going to be tedious and frustrating for some time because the moment you say such a thing. the same thought comes back in seconds or minutes and you can find yourself doing this a hundred times a day. At least at first. But if you diligently keep this up, after a few days you'll see that tho you still think of him in that way (i know you'll see him and cant avoid that) it wont be so many thoughts in one day and so it continues until the feelings attached to how you respond when seeing him actually begin to lessen in intensity until these feelings eventually go away. Not the memory of how you once felt going away, just the ability of the emotions to hurt you going away. It's hard work hon. there are many way way older adults who do not know what I told u and are at war fighting with their subconscious and what most people see is what they would call a split personality in some cases, because the same person acts so differently like two different people, like having an alter ego. So in the end, what I am saying you need to do is not an easy way out dear. It's hard enough for older adults and wont be easier for a teen. But I wish you good luck with that.
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There is nothing like CANT GET OVER.
Its all about your choice.
Its all in your mind.
Take it up positively with yourself.
Get up and decide that you want to get out of it.
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