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Teenage Attraction Issues????
Hello, I'm a 15 year old girl so obviously I'm starting to explore my attraction boys (and girls) at this point in my life, but I need a bit of advice on a few questions that I have. So this first question could just be the effect of growing up with a father who's kind of racist, but I'm going to ask anyway: I'm a Caucasian girl, so is it strange for me to prefer people of other races over other white boys? I know that the not-so-playful teasing would be endless if I ever brought anything other than a Caucasian boy home. My second question: Is it unusual for me to like more than one person at a time? I'm not attracted to ALL the people at my school obviously, but is it strange to have 4 or 5 boys/girls that I would consider dating instead of being set on one or two people? Thanks a bunch!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
It's not strange at all to prefer other boys but if you're white try not to say anything rude like 'i prefer chocolate' or something
and also its not weird at all to like more than one person. they probably all have features u like and polyamory (being in love with multiple people) is always an option :)
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Yeah its normal. But at the same time it can be confusing so I would reason them out if they have crappy personalities. That's what I do .
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The reasonsing of your subconscius mind may come into play having had a racist parent. If your interest lies only in guys of other racists, deep down even if you dont sense it, a part of you may want to get back at a parent, teach him a lesson he hasn't obviously learned yet in life by flaunting a boy of another race in his face. I am not saying you actually want to do this and this is the reason. most with their conscious mind would likely never dream of using another person this way to make a point with Dad. Maybe its even a curiousity to just see how he reacts. this as the other advice giver pointed out shouldnt be the reason you date a particular person, because of their race, but because you admire and are drawn to their personality and character. So hon, I am not calling you racist, but your subconscious mind may have its own ideas of why it thinks it is helping you to accomplish somethig by causing you to have feelings mostly for boys of other races. this doesn't make you a bad person in the least. Many people go through life unaware how their subconscious mind is leading them by the nose, causing them to take actions it feels are okay. but the sub mind can be more like your inner child. and as you know from experience, as I do too, when we are younger, we're prone to make lots of childish mistakes, mostly out of just never having given something enough depth of consideration and really questioning ourselves as to why we do this and feel that. But I guarantee you there is always a reason at the bottom of it, whether its gonna make sense to your logical mind or not, the sub mind doesnt act on very solid facts often, more of a reactionary thing to protect you and make you happy or bring to reality something you think about a lot and not always with best logical rational ways of going about it. In fact, it can feel like leaving a two year old in control of our mind and fighting it and giving up and letting it run rampant with our life.
I would wager to guess that your Dads stance on other races has had you concerned for some time as you approached puberty and you have wondered how he would react if you met a guy you really liked for the right reasons, who just happened to not be caucasion, mixed race or other, or even a female love. Because this concern if u really have had it, was foremost on your mind, you thought of it often, your subconscious took that to mean you wanted to have a preference for guys of other races, totally misinterpreting it as all peoples subconscious is prone to do. In cases like this, If I were God, looking at the intent of your heart, I wouldn't see this preference as stereotyping or racist of a different kind, against whites, but more of a matter caused by the subconscious while part of you is really indirectly the cause of how you are acting. So don't beat yourself up about it. But do start asking yourself questions. I do it best asking myself aloud and waiting for answers to pop into my mind. at times it worked better to come up with solutions to a possible issue when I rambled on paper or online in a letter to myself. Venting my concerns and asking why i feel this way and this listing any far fetched guesses that kind to mind. In the end I always have come up with the answer, provided to me by my subconscious admitting what its been doing.
As for your question of innitially considering interest in several people at once, yes that is normal, even in a society mainly based in monogamous relationships. LEt me explain. When fist starting to date, or even like for me after a divorce, re entering the dating scene as an adult, all we want is to find that special someone. However, the issue is not knowing yet, what we like or don't like in character and personality traits and we won't until we get to know people better. Many fear comitting to be bf/gf to just one person only to find out in time they were wrong for you and a couple others youhad interest in, are now taken, dating others. And people can fear losing out on opportunity. The best thing to do is tell any boy or girl you decide to accept the offer from or you ask them, is that you are undecided yet as to who you want to commit to for a long term dating relationship and are just in the information gathering stage and may date several at once. This stage is of course before love feelings develop. If you don't like what yu see in a person or dont have much in common, you tell them you have decide to not pursue them and thats that. no broken commitment. guys can actually understand this concept very well and it wont bother them. In fact lots of male do the very same thing however they goof up by not making it clear to the girl they intend to date for information gathering use and that can be taken as leading someone on and not looked kindly at. The moment you have determined which person you wnat to commit to, you inform the others. The only people not ok with this arrangement have low self image, low self esteem or confidence and its even better that you weed them out in the beginning. Some like myself who was like that as a teen actually chose to change as a young adult and overcome it but sadly the majority never do and continue the same behavior as adults growing jealous, posessive, abusive, belittling to make themselves feel better etc. just bad stuff for a relationship. So decide if this is the way you want to go, date first many for info gathering stage by advising them of your intent. If ok with it they'll go for it, if not they wont. and if you'd rather just launch into a committed relationship that breaks up later after feelings have developed, thats your choice. teens have relatiionships lasting as little as a month to one or two weeks. Thats not much of a relationship and only goes to show they would have been better off doing it the way I have mentioned. its up to you tho dear. good luck.
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It's not strange - but here's the thing you need to be careful of, just like people who say they only like date people of their own race, people who only like to date people of other races, in both situations there is likely some racial bias and stereotypes at play.
If you find yourself saying "I like to date THIS RACE men, because THIS RACE does X." or even "I don't like white boys cause all white boys are Y." That's racism. You might think it's a compliment, or even feel it's true, but it's stereotyping and seeing a person's race first, and them as a individual second, and that's never cool. It's okay to be attracted to whatever attracts you, but you have to be on guard against your own biases.
It's fine to have feelings about a bunch of people. You are really young. You SHOULD be looking around at a bunch of different people and considering what attracts you to each.
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No it is not strange. You should be allowed to like whoever you want, regardless of race or anything like that. People just have different preferences, it's normal. And no, I don't think that is strange either. It happens. What is NOT okay, though. Is if you are in a relationship, and still feel that way. So as long as you're not with someone, then liking multiple people should be fine.
Hope this helps~
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