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Normal teenager or in need of treatment
Hi! I'm a 15 year old girl and I'm having a bit of confusion. So, for about a year and a half I had pretty social anxiety. I couldn't make phone calls in public, or check out library books, and when I had to present in class is stutter through my words at top speed while my heart beat really fast and my whole body shook and I couldn't go up to kick the ball in gym without shaking. I never got treatment but I feel like I'm getting better to some extent. I'm still super uncomfortable checking things out, but I can do it now as long as I don't make too much eye contact or small talk. Now, I can stumble through presentations without stuttering. I still shake when I present in front of others, but the sensation doesn't last for as long afterwards. Do the little improvements mean that I'm slowly getting better or should I ask my parents for some kind of treatment? But another thing, when I'm with friends, I'm loud and over the top even if there's other people around, but when I'm alone or with one person I'm uncomfortable being loud again. is this just normal teenager stuff or do I need treatment? Thanks in advance!
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I can totally relate to you! I am the same way and pretty close to you in age. I think it's great that you are improving. You should be very proud of yourself, as I know it's not easy! Getting treatment could be useful, if you want that. I personally dont think that you'd need intensive treatment, but even just getting a therapist could be useful. It was for me at least. When I am with certain friends or certain people that I feel comfortable with I am COMPLETELY different than I am with people I don't know so well. A therapist could help you with making phone calls, and doing uncomfortable things like that. Also, remember that overtime of lots of practice being out of your comfort zone, it does get easier to open up/feel comfortable around new people. As it did for me. One day I decided that I didn't really want to hold back anymore. I'm still really shy, but I am getting better at pushing myself and being very honest. It's a lot more fun being loud and expressing yourslef. I hope maybe this helps you! Just know that you aren't the only one!
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If you've seen an improvement, I'd keep working on that, looks like you have the determination to change and its working but its also a slow process with baby steps. I had social anxiety as a teen many many years ago. From the day I started Kindergarten til my Sr year in HS. I got to my last year in school and finally decided I was sick and tired of being so shy and anxious around other people so I prayed to God for help. Well he answered and gave me a program to follow at my own pace. Once I mastered one step, I asked HIm for the next step. Looking back, it was kinda funny. All I had to do was smile at strangers as I passed them. Too easy to smile at friends or family so it had to be strangers. If you can get to the point of feeling comfortable with strangers, you will find you can handle anything in between. I was terrified that if I smiled, it might encourage the person to say Hi to me and I was afraid to answer. But I did just that step, over and over every day for a month or two til I could handle it without any anxiety or worries. Then I was told, my next step would be, to not only smile but say Hi, Hello, or Good day to strangers whom I passed by. You wont believe how quickly my anxieties rose. "But God, I cant do that, because for sure, when I say hello, they are going to think I want to talk to them and start talking and I'll get nervous and freeze up." His answer, Just trust me, most people are busy, on a schedule and not going to take time to start into a long conversation with you. If they do, you just say, oops, was just being friendly, but I don't have time to talk.
I did that a few months until I no longer worried about people answering me and talking. Next step, I had to make a comment to people or pay a compliment...just one sentence. I didn't like that. Nervous and shaky all over. But I wanted more to get over my anxieties so I pushed myself as scary as it was cus now for sure, I knew there'd be some real conversation.
For compliments, it was Hey I like your necklace. Or those are cute shoes. Most people answer just 'thank you'. Only a handful volunteer more and say something like it was a birthday gift from my mom or I found it on sale at such and such store, isn't that great? And they will stop there and say nothing more unless you comment in return. I did this step until comfortable with it. Of course, the next was to engage a person in a full on but short conversation, usually by asking a question like how do you know which melon is ripe, or not ripe enough. Whether I knew or nor, it was just to start the lady in conversation at the grocery. 75% OR more of people have the friendly social personality types and once spoken to first, will answer nicely. The others are more like hermits, who don't want contact with others and will give a short answer or none at all and move quickly away from you. Thankfully they are very few and its not a reflection on you, just their non social personality. In doing all this, you find yourself being less self conscious in a bad way worried of what people will think of you. Most teens on a whole are worried about acceptance and with the level of stress in this world added to it, its not surprising for many to have similar issues to yours. But you mentioned enough for it to sound like anxiety issues. It may or may not work for you but It sure did for me. Once you're not concerned anymore about how people will react, whether there'll be laughs or rude comments in a presentation, you'll no longer suffer with extreme self consciousness. Remember the kids your age have immature minds and really have no clue that what they do for fun or to tease, you take seriously. I found that I learned the difference between when a people was serious or teasing...a helpful thing to know. Just the other day, a street person asked for some change to get something at the McDonald I and hubby were entering. Rather than take chance they might save up cash for alcohol, we offered to buy things off dollar menu and had him sit with us. Engaged him in conversation. At one point, he had figured out I like humor and laughing and he made a comment about 'Don't touch my food or I'll have to hurt you" in such a stern voice that it startled me for a split second thinking maybe he was a crazy person, and yet he'd been so nice up til then. I decided to count on it as his way of teasing rather than a real threat and began laughing at him and he joined in laughinng harder. My response was, "You coulda fooled me, you sounded very scary and threatening and I bet that keeps the odd balls out there away from you."
I'm not saying you won't have moments even far in the future like I did where you have to decide something, to laugh or be instantly afraid.
Look at it this way, if you laugh, and a person doesnt begin laughing, it meant they were seriously trying to rattle you in a mean way and don't care about your feelings. If they can't make you react the way they want, in fear and anxiety, then there's no thrill for them to bother you anymore after a while of consistantly getting smiles and laughs from you. Face those what if fears and most likely you've come to see in the end there was really nothing there to be concerned about in the first place.
As I grew older, I found not only was I no longer self conscious, but I went further and became self confident. Self confident means you feel good about yourself and love yourself just as you are and expect to be treated at least with respect by all, even if not friends. You know that you are a likeable person and that some personalities won't gravitate towards you and that doesnt bother you. You are willing to be yourself and not worry what others think. Thought I had that under control until God told me to make bracelets from hair scrunchies with long ribbons glued to it to wear as clapping to worship songs in church. I was afraid of what others would think, should I ask someone first? In the end, I went along and did it because I realized I had a fear of man, fear still but not of not fitting in when I am conforming and doing what everyone else does. I had a fear lingering of doing something that no one else was doing. I was in my 30s when I was healed of that. Yes, I got the stares but I got more positive responses from people who loved it but didnt have the guts to do it themselves when I offered to make them a set. Majority of people out there that you will come across in your life, do not have self confidence and so, will never be the one to speak first. You have the control, you start the talk first and most respond favorably. And with the favorable good responses you'll also gain confidence.
Now if you do all of this dear, and yet still suffer great anxiety, then perhaps it's how you were born. Some peoples brains just have some wires crossed and are going to need medication to take care of their issues. Is this is the case, then its time to tell the parents and see a Dr.
But I have a feeling, you want to try first yourself to get beyond it and that is a good thing in your case as we're not talking about a life threatening issues that may need Dr intervention or you die. I hope it works for you. With dedication, I feel you may progress thru it way faster than I ever did since you've already been working on it. Don't give any length of attention to mulling over any negative thoughts that pop into your mind. Dwelling on them will lead you right back to your initial fears. Just replace negative thoughts with positive ones, like "I;m going to get over this and come out better on the other end" Good luck and God bless.
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