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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Thank you so much for your help! My best friends mother actually works for CPS, I'll talk to her'

Good, let me know how things work out for you.

Thank you. I guess I could separate my paragraphs and make a little title for what that paragraphs talks about.

Family
My grandparents are awesome! They would do anything to make me happy. My grandparents took care of me when my mom couldn't. My mom wasn't always the loving mommy. She smokes, and has did cocaine. She's an alcoholic; which is why I basically lived with my grandparents. My mom would always bring guys home from the bar. And she has one currently. And she gives her boyfriend more attention then her own daughter (me). Now I do have an older brother. He's 21 now. My mom did the same things with him. So I'm kinda only own now since he moved out. My brother would always stick up for me and protect me from violence when he, my mother, and her boyfriends fought. Yes, the fights involved punching, slapping, etc. I've wittnist a couple. My father, divorced my mom when I was born. I still see him. In fact, I'm closer to him then my mom. I go over there every other weekend. I tell him my problems, and helps me a lot. He gave me the talk about boys, an it actually ment something to me because my mother has never done that. Even if I try to tell her about the guy I like she won't listen.

My love life
I always had trouble with love. Every time i tell a guy i like him, i get rejected. The guy I like is the one I've been interested in since 6th grade. I've told him I liked him in 8th grade. And I still do (we are in 10th grade now). I'm sure he knows I still like him. But when I told him I liked him, he didn't do anything about it.

From 8th grade to the beginning of 10th grade we have talked everyday nonstop. I'm not even exaggerating. We could call each other, text each other, you name it! But all of a sudden, that stopped. I actually thought I had a chance with him. People will see us walking in the halls & ask if we're dating because we look cute!! Sorry that sounded selfish

He still talks to me but not a lot. But when he does, he doesn't show emotion or is really boring. I actually stop texting him because I feel annoying! I'm pretty sure he is interested in other girls, so I'm trying to stay out of the way.

I can't help you very much with your love life other than to say; don't put too much stock into teenage boys. Teenage boys are very strange, most have only one interest. Based on what you have written about your home life if any of the boys at school know of your mom and what she is like then she and not you may most likely be the one they are rejecting.

As to how to help yourself with your home life. The best thing I can see from what you have written is to try and move back to your grandparents.

You do not say whether any of the violence at home is directed at you. If mom or any of her boyfriends hit you. In any case based on what you have written you home environment is not a proper environment to raise a child in, The smoking is not the problem, that is a legal substance. What is or are the problems are the fact that mom is an alcoholic, that she has and may still be doing cocaine and the revolving door of boyfriends she brings home.

What can be done about this or needs to be done about this is. Someone need to contact Child Protective Services(CPS). That person should be an adult although being in the 10th grade you could call CPS. The best person to call would be one of your grand parents. If they are unwilling to call then speak to a trusted teacher or your school principal and tell them just what you wrote to me about life at home. They are required by law to pass this information on to CPS.

Child Protective Services will be required to check on your home life. If they agree with me that your home life is not in your best interest. They will contact your dad, your grandparents and then your older brother to place you in their guardianship to live with one of them. To do this you are made a temporary ward of the state and whichever one of your relatives agrees to be your guardian and have custody of you until you're 18. They will also receive a subsistence allowance from the state for doing so.

This is the proper way to get the attention you need to get out of a bad situation. If one of moms boyfriends ever abuses you and this does not mean sexual abuse only, hitting, punching, throwing you around is also abuse. Pick up a phone and call 911. The police are there to protect you. You do not need anyone's permission to call the police of the fire department if you are hurt.

Hurting yourself was and is the wrong answer and would get you the wrong help. You need the help of adults who can contact the right people to help you or you yourself call the right people. Having another adult call CPS is the best way to go about this. Ask your dad, grandparents, brother or a teacher for help with this.

I will always be here if you need me.

I have a septate hymen and am getting it removed in December right in his office. The doctor said he would do it under local anesthetics and it would be a quick prodecure. can anyone tell me what happens during the procedure? how many shots it takes to numb? how long will it take? and will it hurt?

Like Dragonflymagic I had never heard of this problem either and had to look it up on a medical web site.

What may be an over simplification is you have an enlarged Hyman that is blocking the ability of your menstrual blood to flow from you vagina.

Your Hymen does not totally block you vaginal entrance. There is space left for your period flow to flow through. In your case your Hymen has an extended portion blocking this flow and the doctor in a small surgical procedure, normally done in an office visit, will remove that portion.

The rest of your Hyman will remain intact. As for pain you will probably not feel any as the doctor will numb the tissue surrounding the area. When the Hymen is ruptured during first intercourse it is not the Hymen itself that causes pain but the tearing from the walls of your vagina and if the male is not genital the stretching of your vagina to accommodate his penis.

All in all it appears to be a somewhat procedure that you should recover from quite quickly.

I think I started my period but, I'm 2 months late if I did. I haven't had sex or anything like that I'm just scared and confused.

There is really not enough information here to answer your question. What I will say is relax the chances are that there is nothing wrong. When a young lady first starts her period they are very irregular. So to get a period one month then skip a month or so can be quite normal.

Now for some grandfatherly advice. Since I am of that age I will offer you some.

There is nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to a bodily function such as your period. It is as normal for a woman as just about any other bodily function you have. Yes, the first thought most parents are going to ask is if you're pregnant or if you could be pregnant. It is sort of natural for them to think that way.

If as you say you are a virgin, then very calmly answer your mother or father with, no I am not pregnant I am still a virgin. I say this to you for mom or dad in the event mom is not available, is the best person to answer these questions.

Remember you and mom are built exactly alike. Sure on the exterior you may be different but inside you have the same parts and they operate the same way. Mom will know, once you put her at ease about the pregnancy thing, what the best to do in certain situations.

In your present situation I believe mom will agree with me that nothing is wrong and that you are normal. That a wait and see attitude here is best. If you are really upset you can ask mom to make an appointment with her gynecologist to examine you and put your mind at rest. This is something given what I believe may be your age that does require you talking with mom or dad as they are the ones, until you are 14, that have to make the doctors appointment.

Well I have watched it a few times myself to maybe help my feelings about it. But it still hurts my feelings knowing he watches it. I've also tried sending him pictures, which he has plenty, but i know he still watches the porn. I've also said let's watch it together. But he's never said ok let's watch it together or made the effort to do it with me. I told him it might make me feel better if we do it together but as I just said he hasn't made that effort. I want HIM to ask me to watch it so it shows he does care how I feel about it an wants to try different things to help me cope with it.

It appears to me from what you have written that you are making all the effort here to come to grips with your problem with pornography. Your boyfriend on the other hand is not helping any and if anything is hindering any attempt you make to change your own perception of pornography.

I have to say you boyfriend is a bit of a caveman in his attitude towards you, especially in this area. Where I live we would call him a good ole country boy. All for men and none for women.

Just for the record there's nothing wrong with consenting adults watching porn. My wife and I have watched porn together and I know of many of my friends who have watched porn with their wives and girlfriends. It is simply for the titillation effect and nothing more.

About the only thing left for you to try is to have a CD all set to go or a tape, do they still make those things, and invite him over. Get comfortable on the couch as if you're going to watch TV and turn the CD on and see what happens. If he gets up and turn the CD off then I would say you have your answer as far as you and him ever watching pornography together.

It is not my place to tell you what to do as far as a relationship with this man. What I will say is this: IF he were to turn of the CD and get angry for you trying to trick him into watching with you. This should give you some insight into what it would be like to spend a lifetime with this man. As I said from what you have written I see someone with a cave man attitude towards women. This is way out of step with what is acceptable today.

Hello, I'm the girl you responded to about being hurt. You're right. I never get the attention I want. My home life is terrible. My love life is worse. And school is pretty bad. I'm only 16 and I've been through alot of stuff. Perhaps if you have a kik I could tell you my story.

Hello,
Thanks for writing back to me. I'm not sure what a kik is or if that is typo. The best way for us to communicate, in fact the only way for us to communicate, is through this site. As far as I know there is no restriction on how much you choses to write.

I understand what it is like to be 16 and feel as you seem to feel. This is no reason to hurt yourself. In fact while it will get you the attention you crave it may also get you the kind of attention you don't want. As I said yesterday someone who intentionally hurts themselves could end up in a hospital for the mentally ill.

You are not mentally ill, you are in many respects a normal 16 year old girl. You are possibly the younger or middle child of the family who most often feels as you do. You are also a female going through puberty. Puberty for a female is much tougher than it is for a boy.

So many things happen to a girl going through puberty that at times it is just overwhelming. This does not include the powerful hormonal changes and the effect they have on you which just adds more confusion.

The thing about children that we as parents really don't learn until we reach my age is that you guys don't come with handbooks like a new car. We tend to learn on the job. Once we reach my age and have raised our children we are then fully qualified to be parents. As grandparents our job now is to help you and your parents over these rough spots. Part of the reason we see things more clearly now at our age is we are more secure in our lives then we were when we were raising your parents.

We don't have the worries you parents have. We don't have all the stressors that young parents have. We have the time to sort through these things that we didn't have when we were your parents age.

I don't really believe you are unloved or unwanted. This is how you are perceiving things. Since perception is real then it is real to you and this is where the true problem is.

So take your time and in a succinct manner write and tell me what is going on in your life. Once I hear your side of what you are perceiving I can offer suggestions as to a better way to help yourself. But please do not do anything to hurt yourself.

As advisors we are not to concerned with grammar or spelling but; we do appreciate sentence and paragraph structure. In changing paragraphs this program requires you to double space in order to separate the paragraphs. The only reason behind requesting good sentence and paragraph structure is it makes it easier for us to read, especially for us older folks.

Well, idk where to start but for a long time I've had this kind of memory of my dad taking me to the toilet when I was 2/3 and was only just really getting used to going by myself and i just remember him sitting me down on it and telling me to keep my legs open, i can't remember if I actually needed to use the toilet but I remember it was uncomfortable sitting like that...

I'm 21 now and still remember this but I don't know if I've made it up and if I haven't I don't really know if it counts as any kind of violation. I've remembered this image for a long time though, and it's only like 3 seconds long but it always jumps into my head at random times :s

So I don't know what to think about it to be honest.

From what you have written I really can't say if it is abuse or not. What I can say is it was wrong of him to sit there and have you sit on the toilet with your legs open so he could look at your private parts while you used the toilet. But whether this amounts to sexual abuse is really a close call to make.

I do know some people that you can talk to who may know for certain. If it does amount to sexual abuse they also have the resources to help you with how you are feeling and what your options are in dealing with this.

Their name is RAINN; Which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by trained volunteers who can answer this question. The number is 1-800-656-HOPE. I feel positive they can answer your question.

So long story short my boyfriend watches porn. It hurts my feelings an it makes me not feel wanted or not what he wants. I found a lot on blondes like hot an sexy blonde blonde this blonde that. But I'm not blonde. He said he didn't kno why the blonde but he has made a comment to me about he wants my blonde back an such. Also why having sex he was like saying stuff about squirting the whole time an he knows I don't squirt? He has done a few things like this an now I'm even more insecure. I also see him looking at other girls butts constantly while were out. I don't do any of this to him and I don't play with myself to other guys. He used to look at pictures which hurt me more then porn but he says now he just does porn? I just don't understand an I'm not the controlling type but I need advice. I don't do so why does he?

There are a couple of things at work here. First your dislike of porn only amplifies the situation. Most people and this includes men women and couples watch porn today. There are various reasons why they watch it from instructional reasons to titillation. Your dislike of it because you feel it demeans you or makes you feel not wanted is at the base of the problem. Then your boyfriend is being both rude and a jerk about his porn watching and what he gets from it.

Squirting is, when shown on a porn film, mostly trick photography. There is very few if any women that can truly squirt as shown in most porn films. If he believes what he sees in the film then he needs to be educated about women, their anatomy and what they are capable of.

As for looking at other girls butts. I will tell you what my wife told me on the day we were married. She said; "you can look at the menu all you want, if you ever reorder I will cut off a very important appendage of yours." I assure you my wife was not referring to an arm or leg.

We are men if a women walks by and she has a good looking butt swaying as she walks we are going to look. If she has a good chest on her we are going to look. I look and I'm over 65 but for 42 years I have looked and come home every night to sleep with my wife and she is the only one I have had sex with since we married.

If you think porn is demeaning to the actors forget that. No one is forcing them to act in these pictures and they are very well paid to perform, Many make well over 6 figures a year making only 10 or 12 pictures a year. In fact for every actor who is performing there are 10 or more waiting for the chance to act in these pictures.

Your values are your values and I would never suggest you change them. In this case though I would suggest you think about how you feel about pornographic films and what or how it effects how you feel about yourself. Your current boyfriend is not typical of how most men view pornography. For most of us it is simply titillating entertainment.

I wanna get hurt.i wanna be in the hospital, I can tolerate pain. I wanna get hurt and see how many people would actually care. I wanna sprain/fracture/break my wrist, anything. Any ideas on how I can make this happen? & don't say that it's a dumb idea because I know it is. Your wouldn't be understanding

Pol0's idea is a bad idea for anything over 6' can cause a terminal injury. A fall over 6" means the body is falling at terminal velocity which means the sudden stop of hitting the ground is more than double your weight or twice gravity.

I know you asked not to say this is a dumb idea but being of grandfatherly age I have to at least ask why you want to do such a dumb thing. From what little you have written I could probably say that for some reason you feel left out, unloved or even unwanted. Whatever your reason may be it is a wrong reason for wanting to do something like this. It could even backfire on you for self-inflict injuries are consider a mental illness and you could end up in a hospital.

If I knew better what your reasons were for wanting to do something like this then maybe I could help you find a better way to get an answer. Hurting yourself is not a good idea, it is wrong as you could unintentionally harm yourself for life. Lets see if we can find a better way to express what you are feeling.

Please write to me in a private message on this site. Tell me why you feel as you do. You don't have to go into a lot of detail if you don't want to. I'm sure if you tell me why you feel as you do, given my age, I can come up with better ways of expressing how you feel to those of whom you wish to express these feelings.

Look I have been on this earth long enough there is no hope in the world. No peace no Love no caring and I feel there will never be caring. Will some person who feels my pain please and I ask of you nicely please. Give me the answer to this question. First I tell you I live my life everyday in sadness. I know many things and don't care anymore that I know these things. I don't know if im a Christian because I cannot Love this world and cant seem to understand why the person who created this world is putting all of us through this. I just want to die... die....die die... fastest way to die please? Anyone? Suicidal people help me... ones in depression who feel my pain help me..... someone who is more exspericend in what im going through help me.

As someone who once suffered from a major depressive episode I can feel you pain. While I can feel you pain the one thing I will not do is tell you how to die. Wish to die is the depression talking. What I will do is help you live and get help for your depression.

I know you feel the world is a horrible place. Every generation has felt the same way about the world they occupy. Fact is the world has always been in some form of turmoil almost from its creation. Why it is this way I do not know. What I do know is somehow someway the leaders have always brought us back from the edge. One would think we would learn from our history but we don't. This is just the way things are.

Now add to how things are through the perception of someone with depression and things are much worse than they are. Depression alters what we see in a way that makes us even more depressed. We tend to see only the downside of things.

SO the first thing those of us that suffer with depression have to learn is not to accept what we perceive as we perceive it. We have to question what we see and look for the upside.

Next we need professional help to deal with the depression itself. If you are actively suicidal pick up the phone and call 911 and help will be sent to you.

IF you are not planning on hurting yourself right now then I would like you to click on this link and read this page; it will only take you five minutes. http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Or call this hotline: 1-800-273-8255. This is the National Suicide prevention hotline. It is open 24/7 staffed by trained volunteers who will talk with you and help you find someone in your hometown to help you.

suicide is not an answer to the problems you may be having. It is the wrong solution for it leaves behind many hurt people who love you and are terrible hurt by your loss. People who most likely could have helped you if you had only asked for their help. So ask for their help or call the hotline. Don't let the devil of depression win the battle.

20/f

I'm graduating this December.

I'm panicking. Because I just had a talk with my sister and her friend... And I feel a bit discouraged now because my GPA isn't high enough for graduate school. Not even for a particular school which needs a 3.0 to consider me getting into their program.

I was thinking about taking a year off to focus on myself health wise and etc, but they thought that was a bad idea too because I should "stay ahead" and that "they made that mistake too" and they regretted it. & now, I don't know what I will do or where my career will end up taking me.

But even then they said it doesn't matter how long if I take off for school before graduate school because they'll only look at my GRE score and my GPA score first before considering me... And they even said it'd be helpless if I don't make a 3.0...

And I considered the whole year situation because I already made a B on one of my tests in one of my classes... Which is like 20% of my grade that doesn't hand out extra credit and I had to make straight A's to be able to make that 3.0

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I feel discouraged and now I'm not sure if I should even work hard to even make good grades at this point if I can't even get into graduate school. And even then... Would my GPA be locked in after I graduate?

First, don't listen to what other people think or experience. Listen to what you think is right for you. To counter your sister and her friend I give you my brother in-law. He took a year of before going to grad school. He now has a Masters in Physics and a PHD in Nuclear Physics. He also had a full time job while working on his PHD. So as you can see things are different for each individual person. So do what you feel is right for you.

As for Grad school and your GPA. Is there only one school that offers the course you want to take in Grad school? While this is possible I doubt it. I believe this is the school you wish to attend and there is nothing wrong with that.

Contact the admissions office and talk to one of the admissions officers. Every school does have its requirements but they are also realistic. Given today's economy many courses are going unfilled. It may be possible to get into the course you want with a lower GPA especially if you can demonstrate a higher GPA for your final year in undergraduate school. So keep your grades up.

If you do take a year off there may be something you can do to raise your GPA or raise your standing in their eyes while you are taking time off. As the admissions officer about this if need be.

A good friend of mine was in a similar position. He had always wanted to be a doctor. He wasted his high school years, and well lets just say college wasn't any better. So being a doctor just wasn't in his future. He became a firefighter/EMT. Then the fire department trained him to be a paramedic. Once he had his paramedic license and practiced for a few years he was accepted to nursing school. He practiced as a nurse for five years and applied for a bridge program for medical school and was accepted. He is now in his first year of residency to be an Emergency Physician.

What this story should be telling you is; if you want something bad enough you will find away. My friend wanted to be a doctor and now he is. Instead of 7 years of school he went through 10 or 11 plus training and working in a very dangerous profession to realize his dream.

My advice to you is to get the facts for yourself. Maybe you do not get to go to the school of your choice. If the career of your choice is available from another school find out. As I said get the facts for yourself then map out a way to get to where your goals are. My friend did it and so can you.

20/f

I've had chronic hives for the past year. I went to the doctor three times. I've got a steroid shot and they prescribed me medicine that I have taken for a month and I stayed away from almost all types of food while taking the medication but my hives still came back. I went back to the doctor again and decided to give me a three month prescription of medicine and tried giving me vitamins to take and instructions to follow, still being on a strict diet... It did not help. I ended up buying Zrytec in stores to help keep my hives in control but I don't want to keep taking medicine. Does anyone know a way that can make it go away completely? I know it's allergies because I've been sneezing and have common allergies but I also get hives at night and I sometimes get itchy in the daytime but I take Zyrtec to make it stop.

I don't know what I am allergic to because even on my strict diet, my hives were still there even when I was eating nothing but boiled vegetables.

I agree with Razhie. If you are seeing your family doctor and are still suffering then it is time to see a specialist. Family doctors or General Practitioner's as they formerly were called know a little bit about most things.

You see your family doctor first for most problems. Most of the time their practice of medicine will correct the problem; though if after two visits for the same problem you are really no better off. Then it is time to go to the next level of care and see a specialist. If you need a referral to a specialist ask for one. If you do not need a referral to see a specialist seek out the proper specialist for your problem.

If you are unsure of which doctor to see. Call the patient referral line at your local hospital. The referral specialist will ask you some questions and set you up with a specialist they believe, based on your answers, that can help you.

My suggestion is you first seek out and Allergist to see if pin pointing what you are allergic to will relieve the hives. Should pinpointing the allergy not bring 100% relief then I would suggest seeking out and Endocrinologist to assist the allergist.

Stress is also a major cause of hives. Many brides break out in hives on their wedding day because of the stress they have put themselves through. Given your age and what may be going in your life it is very possible that stress is also a contributing factor.

Of course there is medication you can take to relieve stress. What is better from my point of view is to find out what is causing the stress or the major stressors in your life and learning how to deal with it in a better manor. For this you will need the help of a psychologist who will talk with you and help you identify what is stressing you in this way.

Your age is shown as 18, an adult who is now fully responsible for her own medical care. You parents no longer have any right to see your medical records from any of your doctors without your expressed written permission. This includes all medical professionals, Doctors, Dentists, Nurses, EMT, Paramedics and pharmacists you have contact with in regard to your medical health. So seeing a psychologist also means no one can be told of what goes on in therapy without your consent. You have full confidentiality.

The psychologist in a sense becomes you new best friend. Someone you can tell you deepest secrets to knowing no one will ever hear them from her or him. In this way the therapist will help you find out what is stressing you to the point that may be causing hives. If so the therapist will help you find a better way to deal with the stress. Seeing a therapist for something like this does not mean your crazy, actually you're quite sane.

In short I believe you need to see an allergist and or an endocrinologist. Ask them how they feel or if they feel stress may be a contributing factor. IF so then seeing a psychologist while in treatment with one or both of them can only help.

Hi,
A few weeks ago we adopted a puppy and had him for 2 days before he passed away. He apparently wasn't doing well in the shelter either, but we thought it was just because he was afraid of the loud noises. By the second night, he was in critical condition and we made the decision to euthanize him since the vet said that the chances of him surviving was less than 50% chance and she couldn't promise us that he would even wake up even if they had pulled off a successive treatment and even if they did all they could to save his life. My girlfriend's mother called to try to get us our money back because our vet bill ended up to $600. She spoke to the office manager and the office manager said that they shouldn't have charged us for both euthanization and cpr, only either or, so we got our refund for putting him down, but our problem is that we were okay with them charging us for putting him down because it was our decision. However it was not our decision to give him CPR because by the end of the conversation with the vet technician it didn't seem like it would be worth trying to save his life. What can we do to get our money back? I'm really upset because they didn't inform us about what they were doing to him or ask for our consent. All they said when he handed him to the vet was that "They were doing what they can for him right now", which wasn't very specific and by the end of the night they charged us for CPR that we didn't give consent to..

Vets' like all doctors are licensed by the state. I would suggest you file a complaint with the state licensing department against the doctor and his practice.

Since an animal cannot speak for itself you as the owner must speak for it. You must decide what treatment your pet receives or does not receive. The Veterinary Technician overstepped the bounds of a Technician by taking it upon him/herself to care for the puppy without your consent to what was his/her intent to do for the puppy.

Since filing this type of claim with the Medical Licensing Board is a second cousin to a malpractice claim. You may want to have another conversation with the office manager. In this conversation you tell the office manager what you want as a settlement to this matter, IE; you will pay for putting the pet down but not the CPR. If this is not acceptable to them then you intend to file a complaint with the Medical Practice Board. Then it is up to you whether or not you follow through with filing a complaint.

Please tel the way to die?

As you can see no one here is going to tell you how to die, that is not what we do here. What we do is try to help solve problems. I'm sure you feel overwhelmed right now but I can assure you that their is no problem so big that it cannot be rectified.

Short of murdering someone there is no problem who cannot help you with or find someone or organization to help you. Why not give us the reason behind why you want to die and see if we can help you sort it out and find a reason to live.

If you truly want to die you will find a way to do it without asking for help. You have written to us for help in living whether you believe that or not it is true. Give us a chance to help you live by writing back and telling us your problem. Take all the space you need, one or more of us will read it and write back to you with ways to resolve the problem.

So I keep getting ingrown hairs on my pubic hair (i'm a female) and it causes scars to be left behind sometimes and when i shave or wax its uncomfortable when it grows back
have you ever heard of this? and how do i treat it? It's unsightly and makes me embarrassed

Whenever you shave too close, especially in a tender place such as your pubic area, ingrown hair is going to be a problem. Men face the same problem when shaving their face and trying for that really close shave. Not only do they get razor burn but the ingrown hair makes it look like they have pimples until the hair grows out.

When shaving your pubic area both men and women will feel the same discomfort such as itching as the hair grows back. Razor burn and ingrown hairs are also a problem.

Your age shows as 14, why you are shaving your pubic hair, you haven't said. There is only two reasons I can think of for shaving or trimming in that area. One is for personal hygiene and the other is for when wearing a bathing suit. Your way too young to be having sex or even for allowing a boy to touch you in that area.

As for personal hygiene as the words suggest it is personal choice though there is no reason to shave your entire pubic bush. You need only to shave around your vaginal lips to accomplish your hygiene goals. As for your pubic hair showing outside a bathing suit or your panties you can trim the pubic bush to fit under them.

Your pubic hair like a man's facial hair it becomes more coarse and somewhat thicker each time you shave. Once you start shaving you have to shave more often just to keep the hair at bay, so to speak.

It is of course your choice as to shave or not to shave. Given the problems you are experiencing the only way to stop them is to stop shaving and to stop waxing. As it appears your skin is more delicate than most in that area. Shave your vaginal lips and immediate area or just trim that area with scissors for hygienic purposes if you wish, leave the rest natural. In the summer trim what you must to fit inside your bathing suit.

ok i know its frowned upon to ask the same question more than once but id like some more opinions on this and didnt know how else to do so.
hi, so im a girl but I want the male perspective on this. I have been thinking quite alot about his recently. Im going to present a scenario to you and please just say what you think. please read it thoroughly before answering. if u dont understand what i mean by something its because im leaving it to your interpretation and imagination.

Scenario: You meet a girl, somewhere... maybe your out walking your dog in the park or they live in the room next to you at uni, or in the apartment down the hall and you meet in the laundry room. I don't know, use your imagination. either way, you meet and you like this girl quite a lot. she may not be the stereotypical "attractive" girl but shes your age, kinda cute, very very sweet and kind of..."interesting". You begin spending time with her and begin dating. a couple of months goes by and you dont necessarily ask her right out to make it official but shes told you she loves you and you have said the same. you have NOT slept together at this point but you have kissed, cuddled, spent lots of time together etc. you decide that you are ready to finally have sex with her. as you try to seduce her she will kiss you and let you hold her, cuddle and make out with you but as soon as you try to get your hands under her clothes, even under her shirt to touch her stomach she stops you. after a few instances of this you ask her why and she says" i love you, everything about you and the little things you do that make me better. but i can't... i just can't." as time goes on this continues and you're realizing that she is down with cuddling, kissing, hanging out, etc and really likes sleeping in your bed with you ( in her pjs.) but there is no way she is, or will seemingly ever be comfortable with... yes boys... sex. you can have everything but( by the way sex in this instance includes all forms of sexual activity. intercourse, outercourse, anal, oral hand jobs, and the like.) the only issue is, you`ve fallen hard for this girl... other than her severe paranoia of sex, she is everything you could've ever dreamed of. would you stay with her? or would you leave? how would you talk to her about it? what would you say? etc etc.

While I am much older than the age you have asked for I do remember when I was that age. I have two versions of how this could play out.

The male side:

If I truly loved her and was looking forward to making a life with her. Then I believe I would find away to have a conversation with her about her views on sex. Is she afraid of having sex? If so that is one thing and we could discuss ways of overcoming this up to and including sex therapy together.

The other reason could be that she does not believe in premarital sex of any type. If this is the reason then you or in this case I has to respect this. Some girls have dreamed all their lives of their wedding day and wedding night. How their Prince in shinning Armor is going to sweep them off their feet and carry them off to the bed Chamber and make beautiful love to them. It may be a fantasy but it is her fantasy and her upbringing.

It can be discussed but I would not threaten to end the relationship if we do not have sexual relations prior to marriage. I might ask her to try and make some accommodations along the lines of satisfying my needs stopping well short of intercourse but only if I saw her as a future wife. If I didn't see her as a future wife I might think differently.

What she might say or do.

Given the scenario you have posed. I would recommend to this girl and hopefully expect from her if I was her boyfriend. That long before we reached this place that she would be honest with me and explain what her boundaries where with sex and why they are what they are.

As I said above if sex scared her for any reason I would work with her to demystify what scares her up to and including sex therapy. If she believes she wants to be a virgin on her wedding night. Then she needs to explain that to him as it is only fair since she is sleeping in his bed with him. Sleeping with him and not having sex is cruel as it is pure torture for him.

Boil it all down what I have written comes down to two words; "open communication." If the two of them are open with each other and communicate their reasons and feelings to each other in this situation. The likely hood of this relationship lasting is far greater than if they do not communicate.

Hello! Well, I have a guy friend and he is the sweetest thing in the world. He protects and is very gingerly around me. We've dated like on and off the last 2 years but we are just friends and have been for a while now. He wants to date me but I do to but I can't date him because I have relationship issues and I love our bff friendship. We say everyday we love each other and we sit with each other everyday on the bus. He is my everything but I'm not sure if he's a good bf because I've had problems in the past about him but we have a friendship no one could ever break apart. So any advice?

This question calls for a little grandfatherly advice. Since I am of the grandfatherly age I will offer you some.

They say the best ways to ruin a friendship is to loan someone money and to take a friendship to the next level of having a relationship above that of friends. Now taking a friendship to the next level usually involves some type of sexual relationship. At 14 you are way to young to be having a sexual relationship. The next level of relationship for you and he would be one of greater intimacy than you have now and that is where the danger lies in ruining a friendship.

I'll let you in on a secret about boys your age. Your definition of love and theirs are quite different. Girls in general believe in a truer definition of the word love; whereas for boys the definition is more closely related to the word lust. Boys therefore confuse the word love and lust.

As you grow older and go through your teenage years and even into your early twenties you may have boys say to you; "If you love me you will have sex with me." For young men love, lust and sex are all equal and love is shown through sexual favors.

If a boy ever says this to you. You then know that his definition of love is not the same as yours. That his love for you is one of lust and not true love. That once you satisfy his lust for you he will probably move on to someone else. Do not have sex with anyone until your much older and do not fall for that line. Having sex with someone to prove your love is wrong.

Back to your question. It may appear that what I have written is off the mark, it is not. This is what you can expect from the greater majority of boys and most likely this boy if you do go to the next level and start dating.

My suggestion is that at the very least you two remain BFF's for at least another 2 to 4 years. Give yourselves time to grow and mature. If in at a later date you still have or he has a love, true love interest in you then you can reevaluate and decide if you want to go to the next level with him.

I'm 21/f, and I should be having sex. My body is ready for it and I am, too. I walk around all the time wet and its fucking annoying. I find myself fantasizing at work about everyone there and its distracting. I masturbate on a regular basis but thats not even close to cutting it anymore. I need to feel a man. The thing is, I live with one. If I were going to have sex with anyone, I'd want it to be him. We have before, plenty of times. But lately I'm not feeling it from his side. Its been over 2 months since the last time we did. He doesn't make any moves to let me know he wants to, so Idk if he still does! We're both single. He's a little older than I am and he works a lot more hours than I do. Thats another issue; I never know when he's too tired to do anything. I get nervous when I realize I have to be the initiator. I need advice on how to non-romantically seduce a man. Or how I can tell that he even still finds me appealing in that sense. Its not even about wanting to be loved anymore, I feel deprived and hysterical. :( And don't any of you worry, I'm on the pill and he and I always use a condom. We're good on that. I'm just horny!!!!

In away I sort of agree with Razhie. You're 21 years old and entitled to a sex life. Your living with a man you've had sex with in the past. I may be 45 years older than you but I am still quite liberal in my views on sex. In todays world there is no reason why you can't just go up to him and jump his bones literally.

If you two sleep in the same bed just grab hold of the object you desire. Should it respond and as it should, go for it. If his response is not as you would expect then you two have a problem and a conversation between you is need. This leads to part two of my advices.

In every relationship, which includes ones sexual relationships, communication is key to a successful relationship. This is extremely important in a sexual relationship.

Generally when I'm giving this advice it is because the relationship may be all sex and nothing of a higher plane. This leads to the eventuality of waking up one day and finding out you have nothing in common and the novelty of great sex is wearing off.

You have the opposite problem not enough sex. so he is a few years older than you. This does not mean he has given up on sex. Something is wrong and you need to find out what it is. This requires a conversation, one that you may have to initiate.

You say he is working hard and long. It is very possible the long hours has effected him in a way that is embarrassing to him. He may feel or be suffering with erectile dysfunction. Work related stress will do that to a man.

You need to talk to him. Encourage him to see his doctor for a complete physical. There is nothing he can say to his doctor that his doctor hasn't heard before. so encourage him to be totally truthful and open with his doctor.

Over the last few years i've become increasing `cold-hearted`and i just simply don't care about things anymore for example:
starving children in 3rd world countries
just don't care one bit

This is starting to really irritate me because I'm keeping everyone at arms length, on top of that small things like my brother not eating at the dinner table causes me to get angry (chest hurts)

I just want to know if i'm stressed? psychotic? or just going through a phase?

Many thanks if you've read this
~ Night

Not caring about the children of third world countries is not something to get upset over. Too many commercials tugging at our hearts and purse strings has caused many of us to become desensitized to their plight. Getting angry at your brother for not eating can and cannot be cause for concern depending on why you get upset with him. Chest pains are never good regardless of what brings them on.

Is the a phase you are going through. No I don't think so. Something in your life may be causing you a lot of stress. Stress is a very powerful emotion and can cause many different problems that can show itself in many different ways.

I am not a doctor none of us who offer advice on this site are. What I do know about stress and the problems it can cause tells me to advise you to see a doctor and find out why you are so stressed or what is the root cause of the stress. There are medications that can help you deal with the stress but they won't cure it, they only mask it.

What you need to do is make an appointment with your family doctor for a complete physical just to insure there is nothing medically causing your stress. If everything checks out I would suggest you ask you doctor for a recommendation for a psychologist to speak with.

Working with a psychologist in therapy sessions you can work to find the root cause of your stress. The psychologist can become your new best friend if you will allow him/her to be so. This is so because everything you say in therapy stays in therapy. You have total confidentiality, nothing gets back to your parents, school or anywhere else.

Your psychologist is there to support you and help you find whatever it is that is troubling you or causing you such stress. You are not crazy or mentally ill. In fact you are far from that, but you have bottled something up that needs to come out in a safe manner. This is what psychologists do best. Help you find away to let out what is troubling you in a manner that is safe and secure.

So about a week ago I was eating an apple, I ate about half, well I got lazy and decided to flush it down the toilet instead of walking to the kitchen to throw it away. Well, I accidentally clogged our toilet, and now my boyfriend is going crazy trying to unclog it, it has been clogged for a week now and we have snaked the drain and used draino, it is still clogged and I am afraid to tell him what I did because it has been such a big problem all week, we might even need to have msintainance break open the wall and take out a pipe. I feel so stupid and don't know how to tell him what I did. I am so ditzy and sometimes he gets really upset when I space out and do things that don't make sense.

I'm surprised the Drano did not eat through the Apple, one would think it would. I don't believe maintenance will have to open a wall and cut out the pipe. Hand snakes do not always clear a problem, especially like the one you have. What is needed is a cutting snake or rotary head snake that has a cutter or knives on the end of the snake to cut and break up the clog.

Your building maintenance should have such a snake in their tool cage. If not a professional plumber will. Once the snake cuts through the apple the drain will clear and there is little chance they will know what or who clogged the pipe. As the operator of the rotor generally lush off the cutter before removing it from the pipe.

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