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I might of been abused but I don't know
Well, idk where to start but for a long time I've had this kind of memory of my dad taking me to the toilet when I was 2/3 and was only just really getting used to going by myself and i just remember him sitting me down on it and telling me to keep my legs open, i can't remember if I actually needed to use the toilet but I remember it was uncomfortable sitting like that...
I'm 21 now and still remember this but I don't know if I've made it up and if I haven't I don't really know if it counts as any kind of violation. I've remembered this image for a long time though, and it's only like 3 seconds long but it always jumps into my head at random times :s
So I don't know what to think about it to be honest.
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I don't believe you father violated you. If your father was that kind of person he would have most likely continued to sexually abuse you. Honestly, he probably just wanted to be able to see if you went before he took you off the toilet. Since your only memory is discomfort from sitting with your legs open I really don't think anything inappropriate happened. If your father was good decent parent for 21 years I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and just chalk it up to inexperience on his part when taking a toddler to the bathroom. On the other hand if you really feel something inappropriate happened then tell him about this memory and how it bothers you. Hopefully you can get this straitened out in your mind and put it to rest.
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Right now, I have a three-year-old son who is just now being introduced to potty training. The other day, I demonstrated for him exactly how one uses the toilet. I didn't do it because I got turned on by it; I did it because he wasn't getting it from words and descriptions alone. And this means that he saw my penis. I also see his penis when I give him a bath or change his diaper. Sometimes I must touch him there to get him clean or check the status of a diaper rash. I saw my daughter naked as a toddler when I did the same things for her. It's a necessary part of parenting and it's only a big deal if a big deal is made of it.
Let's assume that this is a genuine memory, not one that your mind made up over time. The reason your dad might have asked you to keep your legs open was simply to make sure you were, in fact, peeing. To a child of 2 or 3, the concept of urinating deliberately instead of just letting it go is something new. It's one of the less pleasant tasks of parenthood to teach this skill, and it involves dealing with penises and vaginas. It's unavoidable. It is not a violation if it is done dispassionately and in the interest of teaching the child the necessary skill of using a toilet.
If this is the only uncomfortable memory you have along these lines, then you can rest assured that your dad was just doing what parents must do, and that he took no inappropriate pleasure in it. I suggest you try not to stress about it.
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Well, either that was all there was too it and he had a fetish for watching females pee and/or got a sexual excitement out of it. Or, you mentally blocked out what happened after that.
Children have coping mechanisms built in to naturally block out and suppress anything that was uncomfortable, scary or abusive to them when little.
This is to enable them time to grow up and become adult when they can learn how to deal with the subconscious minds issues with it and get emotional healing.
There really is no way to know if something occurred other than the "emotional issues" that suddenly arise out of no where once an adult. While stress and a current time trauma may help dig up suppressed emotions of it, usually from what I've read, (i'm no expert just repeating what I've seen) physical or sexual abuse comes out in many ways, developing depression, self hatred, illegal drug use, becoming alcoholic, displaying abusive behavior toward others, constant nightmares, short tempered and verbally abusive, and under sexual abuse a couple of specific, either females are sexually inhibited, afraid of anything sexual, afraid of men, unable to have a normal relationship with a guy, or she became sexually active at a younger age than her peers, is very highly and actively sexual and has a desire for females as well as one man, their boyfriend/husband (bi-sexual) or she has become lesbian because she justs feels safer.
If you are not suffering any symptoms at this current time likely nothing traumatic ever happening other than him just watching you pee.
At your age, since you were just starting to use the potty by yourself, mom possibly made sure to tell him to watch to be sure that you did indeed pee so there'd be no problems with peeing in your panties later. At this stage with my daughters, I made sure to watch them use the bathroom to be sure they did pee.
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From what you have written I really can't say if it is abuse or not. What I can say is it was wrong of him to sit there and have you sit on the toilet with your legs open so he could look at your private parts while you used the toilet. But whether this amounts to sexual abuse is really a close call to make.
I do know some people that you can talk to who may know for certain. If it does amount to sexual abuse they also have the resources to help you with how you are feeling and what your options are in dealing with this.
Their name is RAINN; Which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by trained volunteers who can answer this question. The number is 1-800-656-HOPE. I feel positive they can answer your question.
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