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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
ok, so I'm 15 years old I know I'm young. But I started birth control for my pms but I want to start having sex. Part of me wants to wait for marriage but another part of me just really wants to do it. I really don't know what to do. I know the perfect guy to do it with but I don't know if I should. Can someone just help me I really don't know what to do.
Let me start with the fact that I'm old enough to be your grandfather. As such I am going to offer some grandfatherly advice. At the end you will find a link I offer to young ladies like yourself who have questions about whether or not they are ready to have sex. This link will do a much better job of answering you questions then I can. You are not the first young lady to ask this question and when I answered the first to ask me this question is when I found this link. Most have written back to tell me they found it educational and quite useful in answering there questions.
Let me start by saying this about sex. Especially things you may not know about sex and young men. You have a lifetime to enjoy sex. Sex is not a sport as most young men see it or is it a way to pass some time.
Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another person. For the women it means having her body invaded by someone. This invasion is made more painful for her if certain conditions she needs to have are not present for her to enjoy the intimacy of the act.
What might those conditions be. The most important of those conditions are the ones that allow the women to relax and enjoy the act of intercourse. Most importantly the first time she has sex.
COMFORT: is one of those conditions. In my day and may still happen, sex was done in the back seat of the old mans car. Cars were bigger back then allowing you to stretch out across the seat. Still it was not the most comfortable place.
SECURITY: Is very important. One should be able to relax and take your time when having sex. IF you are concerned that yours or his parents are going to come home or in someway walk in on you then you cannot properly relax.
SAFETY: Not just from intrusion but in terms of pregnancy protect, protection from STDS and HIV/AIDS. As well as the safety and security of the location.
Then their is your reputation at your age to be concerned about. There is and old saying that the fastest way to send a message is to telephone, telegraph or tell a woman. They left out a boy bragging about his sexual experiences. Sex is something boys cannot keep a secrete about. They will tell their best friend who tells someone else and with the aid of social media today, you have a reputation you may not want.
There is one other thing to know about boys. They confuse lust and love. To then lust is love. Many will say to their girlfriends; "if you
me you will have sex with me." This boy does not love you. He lusts for you. Boys and girls of your age group have much different definitions of love. Any boy who says that to a girl should be sent packing.
What I am about to say may sound old fashioned and it is for someone your age. As your age group gets older it will not be as old fashioned as it sounds today. Your virginity is a very special gift that should be saved for that very special person in your life.
Know I am not that old fashion as to tell you to wait until your wedding night. It would be hypocritical of most people my age and younger to say so. What I am saying is 15 is way to young. You will have many more boyfriends between know and college. In college you may meet that special person or the person you believe will be the on.
Until then there are other ways to satisfy sexual desires. Both yours and your future boyfriends without having intercourse. Think about this and use the link below to have most of the questions you have answered.
http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/virginity/readyornot.html.
So I'm an Arab and a Muslim. I am not what you would think of when I said Arab. I wear shorts and am a blond with dark hazel eyes. I'm as pale as Snow White and have delicate arms but strong muscular legs(socce player) I am so tired of being judged for being an Arab or not covering up. Just today, I said I couldn't have pork because I am Muslim and asked for a salad instead( in the caf during lunch) and the girl wearing a scarf behind me said," you are not a Muslim. Cover your hair. Mabey then well accept you." And walked to her group of friends all wearing scarves. Last week a boy called me a terrorist and later thet week wrapped his jacket around his head ( imitating a scarf) and pretended he was bombing a building and said look I'm hannah!( I'm hannah) WHAT THE HECK! I am not accepted into either society. I have friends but it is still a stab in the back.i mean first off, no where in the Quaran does it say to cover your hair.it says to dress modestly ,which I do!! Islam is all about being kind to one another and to accept others. I wanna yell you're not Muslim! You are showing no acceptance! Now about the boy, Islam the actual word means peace. The people of the Taliban are not Muslim so don't connect me with them! I just feel like I am proving this to myself, am I right? Please don't judge Muslims or people in general. I just wanna say that the American Muslims are not all what you see on tv. We are regular people! We still celebrate Christmas to celebrate a prophets bday but we do not celebrate a gods or gods son bday on Christmas. We don't all look the same or talk the same. Just help me out and don't judge.
First of all what is happening in school by the boys is a form of bullying and should be reported to the principal. You have just as much right to attend school as they do without being harassed or bullied. I hope you will report them.
What you have written is correct. The Taliban are not true Muslims. They and others like them are incorrectly interpreting the Quran for their own purpose. I'm not sure just why the Taliban dislike us. They say our way of life is wrong and that we disrespect them when we try to change their people to our way of life. I'm not sure if this is just plain jealousy speaking for what we have or if they truly dislike us because of who we are and the freedoms we and other western countries enjoy.
What is very wrong is the intolerance shown to Muslims since 9/11. While I'm am to young to know what life was like for Japanese Americans during and after WWII I believe what we are seeing in regard to Muslims at this time is very much what the Japanese Americans went through and in some regard still go through.
A friend of mine once worked for Subaru of America. On December 7, if it is a working day, the Japanese employees all stayed at their desks or in their offices and did not interact with the American employees as they would on any other work day. Why? Because the back lash of that day is still felt by many of them. There is a saying that is still said often to them; "Remember you guys lost the war."
None of this is right, in fact it is very wrong. Many of us like you know this. Unfortunately for many the hurt that caused those that feel that way runs very deep.
Alcada in the name of true Muslims killed over 3,000 people on 9/11. Among them were 343 NYFD firefighter, 50 NYPD police officers and many innocent children. They said they did this as part of their Holy war and that those people died because they were infidels. How can children be infidels.
This is what builds the hatred. Yes I hate Alcada and what they stand for. The 343 Fire Fighters that died were my brothers and sisters as I too was a Fire Fighter at the time. I do not hate Muslims in general. I can make that distinction. Unfortunately I am in the minority in that regard.
You though should not have to accept being harassed or bullied because of your heritage, religion or beliefs. Part of changing the beliefs of those who are harassing you is through education. The only way they will get that education is for you to report them to the principal for their harassment and bullying of you. This includes the girls who are harassing you to wear a head scarf.
In this country we have the right of freedom of religion and how we practice that religion. IF they do not like how you practice your religion. Well that's just tough. They do not have the right to harass you for practicing your religion as you see fit.
So my advice after this lengthy dissertation is report both groups to your principal and let the education begin.
hi am a female 21 and can i get pregnant if my periods are 5 days and how soon can i take a pregnancy test?
I think you are asking when you are the most likely to be fertile.
Most women, 80%, are futile during the 14 days in the middle of the cycle. This would begin 7 days after their period and end 7 days before their period for someone on a 28 day cycle. This is the time most women ovulate and eject an egg which then can be fertilized. For about 20% of women they ovulate at any time during their cycle including during their period.
If you want to find out when you ovulate there are kits sold at drug stores that can help you find this out. Talk to your pharmacist to find out which of these kits he or she would recommend. Once you know when you are the most fertile then you should have intercourse the day before you are expecting to ovulate. The day after that and then again two days later. Sperm can live in the body for several days while it seeks out the egg. Following this method if everything else is right. Meaning the sperm is strong and the egg is good you should become pregnant.
As for when to test. Here again ask the pharmacist which of the test kits he or she recommends, then buy 2 of them. Follow the directions on the package as to when and how to test. If the first test is negative wait a few days and test again.
I could write thousands of pages about the annoyances of my boyfriends sister (probably going to become my sister in law, yikes) but I'll try to keep it short. But to give you a brief idea, she is extremely clingy to my boyfriend (her brother) and now she has latched herself onto me as well. She is one of those pretty girls who is extremely cocky of herself but in truth is very alone but portrays herself to be so popular and loved, fabricates these huge stories to make herself seem interesting, blahblah. She's pushed herself into many situations between my boyfriend and I, shows up to the house and places we're going uninvited and when she does, usually brings drama (usually boy oriented cause she's been with basically all his friends) everywhere she goes. Always will try and work wherever my boyfriend is working. So, she's just everywhere. She's 22 as well as I, so though yes 22's still young, this is ridiculous. At least I don't act this way so I don't want to be around people that do but it's hard cause it's his family. This all probably sounds dumb and like small stuff, but when it's constant and has been going on for four 1/2 years, it gets very old. I can just like, fore-see all her "tactics" before she does them now, haha.
But anyways. Main point. My boyfriend and I eventually want to move somewhere, be mostly off the grid, we always talk about wanting to own a small cabin a little ways out of the city in somewhere like Oregon or Washington or somewhere. Oregon was the main focus, heard so many great things about there, looks beautiful, and very far away from everyone I know! Haha. Well all the sudden, she wants to move there too. She's "always wanted to be away from everyone, go live in the mountains and be with her art". My mouth dropped. Two months ago she was going to move to another state to be with some dudes she met on the internet. Even not being with "internet guys" she wanted to move to Nevada anyways, she's been talking about that for a whole year. Now she's completely flipped the script, and she says she's buying her ticket for Oregon at the end of the month. Then she starts saying how she's going over there, going to get me and my boyfriend connections and things like that so when we finally move she'll hook us up with jobs and friends and whatever. Like she's going to set up our life together for me. WHAT. WHATTTT.
The reason one moves especially with someone is to start a new life together. JUST THE TWO OF YOU. I wouldn't even be surprised if whenever we did move she'd just drop her lease and try and move in with us cause she doesn't wanna live by herself or something. NOOoOoo.
I guess she stopped by house today while I've been at work cause when I got home my boyfriend was talking about how she really wants US to move out there (like this was her idea from the beginning) and blahblah. Then I was just like,"Well, I don't know if I wanna move out there." And he knows I've been wanting to go there so he got thrown off and kind of defensive and was wondering why and I just kept saying how there's other nice places to, we still need to think about it, etc. He really wants Oregon though so I know he's gonna keep pushing it. As of right now I'm googling what cities are the farthest apart from where she's going haha so at least I have some hourly distance if I can't have stately but he wants near the coast and of course, she'll be right on it.
I think this post is more so just to rant really but if anyone has any insight on any of this, at all, please. I just don't know how to word that I don't want to live there now without throwing him off and causing issues or I guess I might just eventually have to tell him I cannot stand his sister and I'm not isolating myself in a whole new state with her? How does one word that haha. Especially knowing he'll tell her and then all hell would break loose.
As the saying goes when you marry someone you marry their family as well, its a package deal. One of the nice things about living with someone before you marry them is it is like a trial marriage or test drive. You get to see what marriage to them and their family is going to be like.
Nothing says you have to like or love your in-laws. I was fortunate in that I had great in-laws with the exception of a sister in-law. Fortunately I only see her every couple of years for a day or two and have learned to put up with her. She became part of the package when she married my wife's brother.
At the moment I think you are obsessing over something that may not come to be. You will never be able to come between you boyfriend and his sister even when you become his wife. He either knows her for what she is or is turning a blind eye to her and her clinginess.
Even though I believe you are obsessing over something that may not materialize. I believe you need to address this with your boyfriend sooner rather than later. Meaning if it is this upsetting to you then it could be a deal breaker for you when it comes to marrying him. You don't say that in so many words but the inference is there.
I suggest that you sit down with your boyfriend and have a conversation that would go something like this. "Honey, all this talk by your sister of moving wherever we seem to want to go is very upsetting to me." "It is not then I don't like your sister, I do like her I think she is a sweet person." "Moving as we are planning to do offers many things I want for us." "One of which is time for us to be together just the two of us so we can enjoy life's intimacy in all the respects of the word." "Just you and me against the world to blaze our own trail."
Of course you would use your own words but I think you get the idea of what to say to him. You are saying you want to explore all of life's intimacies with him as a young married couple should. To make your own way in the world together by yourselves.
How he responds to you will give you the answers you looking for.
So, this is kind of a long story, but I am going to try and condense it as much as possible. I am a 22 year old female, soon to be 23. When I was 18 years old, I was planning on going away for college, but due to a series of events (family members becoming ill, going through some personal things), I decided to stay home. I was planning on going away the second year, and then the third year, etc. After the third year passed and I was still home, I did not see a point in leaving because it would take me longer to complete school and most of my credits may not transfer to another university (you know how that is, it can be difficult). So, I stayed home and finished school here, while living at home. I decided to make the best out of it, so I got involved in the university, and have been holding 2 part time jobs. For the first 2 years, of my school, my mom was not working. I was completely and totally supporting myself and her. Now, she is working, but I am still working in 2 part time jobs.
two years ago, I met my boyfriend. She met him and she loved him. But, I really believe my mom is bipolar. she changes her mind about things too quickly and too sporadically. The first nine months, she LOVED him. She would always make us dinner when he came over and she was so happy that I had a nice guy in my life. I was pretty happy too. I live with my mom and my grandparents. My grandparents come from a different upbringing where a woman should not be out alone unless she is married. they are very strict. I am almost 23 and I am not allowed to drive by myself at night. Therefore, I can't pick any night classes. I am not allowed to sleep over at anyone's house or have anyone sleep here. I cannot be out past 6pm without my mom or my boyfriend. It's really crazy. I have no privacy in my home. Sometimes, I just want to be alone so I can talk on the phone or do my work. But, that doesn't happen. They will break down the door if they want to talk to me. They even come into the bathroom while I'm in the shower and open the shower curtain. Sometimes, I see that I have 25 missed calls and they are either from my mom or my grandma. My aunt lives across the street and she has just as much authority as they do. I feel very suffocated.
You must be thinking, why hasn't she moved out? Well, let me explain. I live in a VERY expensive city. The cheapest apartment I have found is $1100. That is a lot considering my monthly income is about $1200. But, now I am seeing the need to move out more and more. My mom has started hating my boyfriend. She has never met his family and she says she hates them too. She has given me until decemeber to break up with him and says that is all that she's giving me. I found out something disturbing about the family that I do not wish to put here. I understand that when you marry someone, you marry their family, but my mom has treated him horribly and he has put up with it. I don't like this kind of pressure. I am taking this one step at time and praying about it. but, I don't like to be given these kind of timelines. I am graduating in December and I was planning on moving out right away so that she won't harass me with this anymore.
I graduated with a major in education, but I am getting my masters in speech. I have a year before I can start school again for my masters because I need to take the pre-requisites. So, I was thinking of taking a teaching job in the meantime so that I can move out. However, I know that I need to save money because I really want to go away from my masters. I hate the city that I live in. I want to explore the world. I've talked to my boyfriend about it and he will be done with his masters by the time I finish my pre-reqs. So, he would be willing to come with me. I would love to even apply to schools in the UK. I'm not saying I'm going that far... but, I need to save money for wherever it is that I do go. Should I take a teaching job? Even though I'm working on my pre-requisites? How about moving out? Would it be the right thing to do now?
Please help!
You're 21 and you live at home. In some families they say; "if you live under my roof you live by my rules." This seems to be the case with you at this time. But you are also legally an adult which means the restrictions they are placing on you are wrong both morally and in some respects legally. Yes there may be some cultural and religious reason behind their restrictions. The fact still remains if you live in certain countries such as the U.S., Great Briton and other Western countries your mom and grandparents have no right to place these restrictions upon you.
That being said you are also dependent, to a certain degree, upon mom and your grandparents for food, clothing and shelter. There is no longer a legal requirement for them to provide these things after you turned 18. They do this out of love and moral obligation rather than legal obligation. This places you in a Catch-22 situation. Meaning you can either abide by their rules or they can tell you to get out.
What to do about it. Simple math says you cannot afford an apartment of your own. Their are other alternatives to living on your own. Apartment sharing where you find a roommate to share an apartment with or you find someone who is looking for a roommate to share their apartment with.
While you are attending school there should probably be a number of homes that offer rooms for rent near the campus. Maybe not the greatest solution to your problem though they are generally inexpensive. They offer you the privacy you want and need as well as having much fewer restrictions. You may also qualify to rent off campus housing which would be a room in a house shared with other students.
Moving out of your grandparents home is the best solution to your current situation. I would expect you will meet with stiff objections from both your mom and your grandparents when you tell them you are moving out. Remember you are 21 and legally an adult responsible for yourself. If you wish to move out that is your privilege and not theirs to control.
You have about 8 weeks to seek a new place to live. An apartment of your own is not possible. The other alternatives are possible and a good solution to your present problem. Use this time to find a place you can afford, is close to school and work as well as comfortable for you to live and study in.
Check with the school for off campus housing and check on line for apartment sharing websites to find listings in the area you want to live. Your local paper and the school should have an ample supply of lists of rooms for rent for you to look at.
3 Days Spent in New York City
Outsiders look up, locals look straight. A majestic world of wonder on the eyes, the concrete jungle that is New York City. The three days I spent in New York, the city lit by aspirations and grandeur to inspire people, had left me with three days of wishes granted. The city that never sleeps, according to the song.
The atmosphere invites you to participate in everyday activities. Day one, obligeto call out for a “taxi”, the famous yellow car, the best way of transport to travel from one sight to the next with only a low priced fee. My trip there was like discovering an entirely new way of life that I had only heard stories of. During day one I felt compelled to visit the Statue of Liberty. It is a modern marvel and a national monument that symbolizes independence, friendship and democracy. The national monument allows people to study America’s independent history and provides a remarkable view of the harbour. Day two was devoted towards a more cultural outlook of some of the finest art work in the world, which is on display at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. New York’s Museum is one of the most influential museums in the world. It attracts visitors with it’s display of both modern and contemporary arts, that enable visitors to explore the evolution of arts and culture diversity.
I found that the New York people are providential and were very engaging. They adored to learn all about where you are from and to inculcate with you about some of the history behind New York’s purpose and landmarks.
The Empire State Building is a 102 story skyscraper located in Midtown Manhattan; I decided that I wasn’t prepared to climb the top, although I am told the view of New York’s sunset is so astonishing that it is where couples retreat too. My final visit on day three was to spend some time to wander around the luscious loveliness, which holds fresh air from the oak woodland trees and is home to the bees. Or with the nick name of “the green lungs”, that is Central Park. It held a true beauty aside from the city, it felt different, a place to unwind from the city’s magical madness. Romantic horse drawn carrige ride is not to be missed in the winter, with a snow sence background. Central park had the ability to ensure you wouldn’t dare be anywhere else. I couldn’t miss out the opportunity for some early Christmas shopping, with the Manhattan luxury shopping along the Fifth and Madison Avenues. The unique gifts and desirable store window displays, that draw you in, made shopping feel as if I was in control of everything. With a wealth of restraunts this included dinner in little Italy.
I feel that three days staying in New York satisfied my need for exploration, and hunger for adventure. During the three days I needed no map to guide me through the sights of the city, just a clear and open mind, ready for the unexpected. I came back home with confidence and my heart strings attached to the city that I had once only seen in the old fashion movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”, yet that film had only captured the elegance, not the balance between real lives in the city.
To rationalize new York, is something not to be put in words is too be seen and felt. One day I will return with a new outlook and ideas of scepticism to thrive and to fill the city. It is a place I would never feel lost in, I would recommend it for any mind that needs a new captivating moment, available now only in New York City.
Dragonflymagic has done an excellent job of correcting your work. I would like to take issue though with a couple of statements you made.
Just so you know. I was born in Brooklyn, New York and raised on Long Island.
The Statue of Liberty: Most New Yorkers and the People of France who donated the statue would take issue with your calling her a "Modern Marvel" as she is 127 years old.
Fact: The Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World was a gift of friendship from the people of France to the people of the United States and is a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. The Statue of Liberty was dedicated on October 28, 1886, designated as a National Monument in 1924 and restored for her centennial on July 4, 1986.
New Yorkers are "providential and were very engaging": While I have not been back to New York in some time it is generally known that New Yorkers, people living and working in New York city, are for the most part an obnoxious group.
I know Mayor Bloomberg has worked hard over the past 12 years to change this opinion, at least at the tourist areas, taxis' and restaurants. Still the fast pace of life in this big city lends itself to mostly a self-absorbed obnoxious group. You might want to add that you saw or spoke with a different type of New Yorker than is commonly thought to be.
One other thing. While taxis are the most expedient way to get around the city, they are not the least expensive. They are for the tourist the easiest way to get from one tourist attraction to another. The least expensive way to get around the city is the subway system. Using the subway system in the city for those not familiar with the number of different subways can be a formidable task.
Here's some background info. Growing up, I've witnessed all kinds of displays of ignorance, confusion, and a lack of understanding about who we are as people and the different perspectives and ideas we have on things like life, love,
religion, etc. So I thought, why not find a way to get to know each other, one on one? I want to start a group where people can meet up one on one, and share with one another their stories, ideas, or whatever important thing they've wanted to tell somebody but maybe never got the chance to. People would meet up, and talk about these things to help them grow and understand each other without the fear of rejection for what they have to say. The rules are simple: No fighting or arguing, you can disagree, but violence is prohibited. What do you think? Would this work as a club, or has somebody already started a club similar to this? I'm sorry for it being so long, and thank you for reading.
I think it is a wonderful idea for a club or group. If people are able to talk and explain their differences, beliefs and desires in an open setting there might be just a chance for world peace. Ignorance is the biggest problem we face as it breeds hatred. When you can remove ignorance hatred disappears with it.
What I would like to suggest for the best chance of success is this. IF you are in school you could talk to you principal or vice-principal about sponsoring your club and having a teacher as an advisor/moderator. The teacher would not necessarily participate but be there to moderate and if needed keep order.
You could also approach any of the Churches, Temples or Mosques in your town and ask if they would like to provide a meeting place for your club. Then the religious leader or someone from their worship group could act as the adviser/moderator. They would also be helpful in getting other religious leaders to speak to your group, if you ask, for the purpose of teaching you about them and their religion.
All in all I think it is a great idea. Please write me back and let me know how this works out.
So i am dropping out of college next year, and i will be attending beauty school in the fall. the closest beauty school to me is a 30 minute- 45 minute commute on an extremely dangerous highway. the commute is what held me back from going in the first place.. i wanna be able to get to and from my home and school SAFELY.. but i am a HORRIBLE driver. what could i do? the school doesn't do anything transportation-wise. no buses or taxis specifically for the school. i have no relatives who could drive me.. does anyone have any ideas as to how i can get to and from my school? i'm sorry if this is a dumb question i feel pretty lame writing it. most of you will probably say "COME ON, LEARN HOW TO DRIVE," but some people are just not meant to be good. especially on a highway as dangerous as this one. i think i'm 85% more at risk than others because i am a terrible driver with already a history of fenders/ accidents at such a young age. please help me with some good advice
thanks guys
-Gabi
In todays world driving is almost a necessity. I'll address this in a moment. The previous adviser is write in suggesting you ask the Beauty School for the names and phone numbers of some of your classmates who may live in or close to where you live. Contact them and explain you need someone to ride share with and you would be willing to pay for gas if they would help you out.
As for being a bad driver. How you drive depends a lot on how you were taught, who taught you and your attention span. If the state issued you a license then your driving met the states requirements which isn't saying much I know.
Did you attend a driving school? How many hours did you spend behind the wheel of the car? Did the school take you out on the highways or did they stick to local streets?
Where I live anyone under 21 applying for a first time license must attend a state certified driving school. These school provide a prescribed number of hours behind the wheel as well as classroom time. Before the student drive is issued a certificate needed for their license they must demonstrate proficiency in different maneuvers as well as driving on all types of roads including interstate highways and performing such maneuvers as lane changes.
If you did not attend a driving school, even though you I believe have a license, attending a good driving school would be beneficial. If you did attend a driving school and they did not take you out on all types of roads including major highways the finding another driving school would also be beneficial.
The more time you spend behind the wheel with a certified instructor to help you get comfortable driving on the different types of roads will improve your driving ability
In this country mass transportation is woefully deficient. Unless you live and work in an inner city you need to be able to drive and drive comfortable and secure in the knowledge that you are a capable driver. Taking more driving instruction may be the answer to your driving problems.
Let me start off by saying that I am an 18 year old female, 5'4", and I weigh around 100 pounds. I wear a size 32AA bra, size 00-0 in jeans, and an XS-S in tops. I first started becoming insecure about myself and my body in my junior year of high school, but currently it's just at it's all time worst. I'm currently a freshman in college by the way. First off, I have extremely long and twig-like arms. I just feel so uncomfortable in my skin that I hate being in public. I feel like I look strange or awkward with whatever I'm doing or with whatever position I'm in because of my abnormal long arms. I could just be walking, sitting down, doing other normal things and all I can think about is my arms. I feel like there are only certain positions where I can sit or stand so that I don't look weird. Second, I hate being skinny. It seems that everywhere in society, there's a large emphasis on curves, or that being skinny is ugly/gross. I'm 18 and I have no butt, breasts, hips; I look like a stick. Society has really affected me and I always feel bad about myself. What I think about probably every minute of the day, is my body. I am a big advocate for "everyone/every shape and size is beautiful," and I also don't point out people's "flaws," but rather I look at the positive aspects. I'm a hypocrite because I see beauty in everything but myself. I just think why couldn't I have turned out normal? Not necessarily have big breasts or a big butt or be what is considered "perfect" by society, but why couldn't I have been born with "normal" length arms or a "normal" body? It just really bothers me when people always have something bad to say. I know I shouldn't care and that EVERYONE isn't negative, but the "standards" of society are really influencing me and it's wrecking my life. Even if nothing bad is directly said about or to me, it still makes me feel bad. I don't even want to imagine what has been said about me and my body behind my back. The point where my insecurity started getting really bad was in the beginning of second semester in my senior year of high school. I was on the homecoming court and of course, the girls wore dresses and walked out while the announcer gave that little spiel about each candidate. I remember my friend saying how someone said "Ew, you can see her shoulders/scapulas protruding." I just kind of shrugged that off, but ever since then, my self esteem has gotten worse and worse. The other day, my friends and I were watching a video on Youtube, and one of my friends was like "Ew, she is so nastily skinny." And then today in my dance class, we watched a dance video. The female dancers were thin (but obviously strong), and in my mind I was thinking, "I hope no one is saying/thinking anything bad about their weight." Then as I was walking out of class, I heard someone say "It's like none of them have ever been to McDonald's." That made me angry, and then I started feeling depressed about my body. Other things that get to me are when people are like "that girl has no butt" or "this girl is too skinny." I'm 18 and it's like I haven't gone through puberty. I can eat anything but I don't seem to gain weight. I'm really pessimistic because I feel like my situation is hopeless. People say if you don't like something, you should change it. But I can't chop off some of my arms to make them shorter. And it just seems like this is the body type that I will have for the rest of my life. I look in the mirror and see my bony body, I see my twiggy arms and legs, I see my scapulas sticking out, my "pancake butt," and my flat chest. I feel ugly and inferior. This is the extent of the influence that society has had on my life. My insecurity ties into my social anxiety. I hate being in public cause I'm always afraid someone is going to judge me and say something bad about me. One particular instance is having to walk to the front of the classroom or be in front of people. I dread it so much and would much rather avoid it. I don't like the feeling of eyes all over me, judging me and/or my body. I feel like this is what everyone does, and this is why I hate being in public. Another example of my social anxiety is that I feel like I'm inadequate at doing even the most simple things; I feel like I can't function properly in society and that my attempts are pathetic. It's probably just me being hard on myself, but a lot of the things I do, I reflect on it and become too critical of myself. I look back and become embarrassed and think, "Why did I do/say that?" or "Why didn't I do/say that?" It makes me upset thinking how my insecurities and social anxiety is taking over my life. It's literally all I think about all day and everyday. I look at other girls and I become envious of their bodies, or their confidence and how they're comfortable in their own skin. Then I look at myself and I automatically deem myself as inferior to everyone else. I also feel that everyone looks at me and thinks they're superior. Every little thing gets to me and I care way too much about what others are thinking of me. All of the things I feel are most likely not overtly noticeable in public, but in reality, I'm struggling on the inside. Sorry that this was so long, but I really need some advice on how to cope and get through this.
I have long arms too. My long arms were a benefit when I was in the Air Force as an aircraft mechanic. My job had me repairing flight controls which included the throttles and the linkage.
When I first walked in to the shop I was assigned to the NCOIC took one look at me and grabbed a tape measure and measured my reach. He then said thank you lord. I of course was greatly confused until he took me out to a B52 and showed me why. Because of my extend reach I was able to access the throttle linkage from an access below the quadrant. Because of this I was able to repair the linkage and change brake pads without having to tear up have the flight deck. So you see having long arms can be a benefit. He almost cried when I was transferred to another base.
One thing you said caught my attention. "It is almost like I haven't gone though puberty." While Puberty can last in to your mid twenties; you may not be far of the mark with what you feel.
For one thing depending on your frame size you are anywhere from 14 lbs. to as much as 51 lbs. under weight which I believe you are aware of. Being under weight will stunt puberty. Olympic athletes have their puberty stunted while they are in training because of all the exercising they do.
The body need a certain amount of calories and body fat to function properly. You are underweight so you body is probably not getting enough of what it needs to function. When this happens the body shuts down those things it can not support. As is seen in Olympic athletes puberty is one of those functions it shuts down as the body sees it as the least need function. If more is needed then the body will shut down other functions.
What I suggest is a visit to your doctor. A simple blood test will tell the doctor if the hormones normally secreted during puberty are in play within your body and at the proper levels. If your doctor feels you are not grossly under weight the and your hormone levels are low they can be augmented or replaced synthetically with pills.
You should also ask you doctor for a thyroid scan. Being underweight may be the result of Hyper or hypothyroidism.
These test are not done as part of a normal physical as they are expensive tests and the doctor needs to support the reason for them with a complaint by the patient. You have good reason to ask for these test. If any of the test come back as being deficient or abnormal. The usual fix is medication.
If my uneducated non doctor guess is on target once properly medicated you should see positive changes in you body and figure. Most importantly it is not your body or figure that makes you who you are. Beauty is only skin deep and while you may think that is just a saying you would be very, very wrong.
Outer beauty is just the gift wrapping on the box. You have to open the box, tear of the wrapping to find out what is in the box to truly know what that gift is. It is the same with people.
From what you have written I can tell under your wrapping you are a kind and sensitive person. Someone who will make a wonderful life companion, wife and mother. I've been doing this for a long time and there is a lot than can be learned about a person from how they write.
Hang in there and go see a doctor. Find out if you are in a sense puberty anemic. IF so that can be dealt with just as a thyroid problem can.
Last September, I had sex with my boyfriend. It was unprotected but using the calendar method, it was on the safe day. After that my period was very light and lasted for 3 days, but that happened twice in september. This month, October, I missed my period but I'm experiencing cramps. Got no signs of pregnancy and took 3 pregnancy tests, all negative. What could this possibly be?
Generally when young ladies such as yourself have unprotected sex. The stress caused by worry over whether you will be pregnant causes changes in your menstrual cycle. In many instances you will miss a period maybe more as the missed period causes more stress. Stress is the biggest cause of missed periods in all women no matter their age.
That being said since I am old enough to be your grandfather a short lecture is needed. Not on under age sex, if you are under 18, but on unprotected sex and birth control.
Since you have not included your age I will assume you are under 18 and will also assume your parents have lectured you on underage sex so my doing so would be redundant at best and since you have chosen to ignore that advice any way.
Not using protection is wrong for a variety of reasons.
First: from a pregnancy stand point you are playing Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.
Second: using condoms is 85% effective in preventing pregnancy.
Third: Condoms prevent the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
Fourth: When you have unprotected sex with a partner you are having sex with every person they have had unprotected sex with in the past as well as the persons those people have had unprotected sex with. You are literally placing your life in your partners hand if you have not had blood tests as some of these STDS remain dormant for years but can be tested for and do transfer if not protected from.
Any partner who refuses to use a condom does not have your well being or safety in mind. That partner is only interested in their own gratification and their love for you is more in line with the definition of lust. Even if you are on birth control a condom should be used until you and your partner are in a long term committed relationship such as living together or married.
As for birth control itself. The rhythm method of birth control, having sex during the safe period of your cycle, is the least effective method of birth control.
If you are over 14 a Federal Law called HIPPA allows for MEDICAL PRIVAY when it comes to your reproductive system. What this means is when you wish to or need to see a doctor for anything concerning your reproductive health, such as your reason for writing us today. You can do so without parental permission or supervision. This also means you can ask for and receive birth control medication.
No one including your parents can see these medical records without your expressed written permission to your doctor. All you need say to your doctor is, "I want to enforce my rights under HIPPA, the doctor will take it from there. IF mom is with you she will be asked to wait in the waiting room.
Congress passed this law not to promote teenage sex, but to give young people the opportunity and the ability to seek help or ask doctors questions about their reproductive health in complete privacy. The only way a doctor can properly treat someone is if the can be completely open an honest with their doctors. This is why this portion of the HIPPA was written.
So my advice is if you plan on being sexually active you see a doctor and get birth control medication. Use condoms or don't have sex with that person. If you period does not return to normal seek a consultation with your doctor to put GYN mind at ease.
what is a quick and painless way of killing myself?
You have come to the wrong place for an answer to this question. What we do here is help people solve problems. There is no problem so overwhelming that the only solution is suicide.
Suicide solves nothing. The problems remains for others to deal with and for those who love you much hurt and wonder why you chose this path. You may not believe this but there are people who do love you. At the moment you are blinded by depression caused by whatever is overwhelming you.
We could offer some help if you had told us what is bothering you. Since you have not I would like you to call this number: 1-800-273-8255.
This is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you'll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
If you are under 20 and have problems such as bullying and other problems young people face there is another organization you can call and talk to. They are the Kids helpline; 1-800-668-6868. You can also reach them online by following this link.
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/Home.aspx
If you are actively suicidal, meaning you are going to hurt yourself then please pick up a phone and dial 911. Tell the call taker you are planning to hurt yourself. The call taker will stay on the line with you while sending help to you.
Suicide is not the answer it the wrong solution. solution.
Hi there, I am 19 and my boyfriend is 31. My boyfriend and I just recently started having sex. He took my virginity and it was not as painful as expected. When we tried again, I kept having a painful feeling as he tried to go in. This happens every time now. I also am not sure what I am suppose to feel when he's inside me.
Intercourse should get less painful each time you have sex. Now this also depends on how sexually excited you are for intercourse. How wet are you when you partner enters you. If you have not been properly excited, lubricated by your own moisture, then intercourse will be painful. Foreplay is important to excite you and prepare you for intercourse.
There could be several reasons you are not getting wet. One would be fear of getting pregnant. No matter how much foreplay is involved if you are stressed out by the act itself you will not properly moisten. IF you are not on birth control then see your GYN for Birth control.
At 19 you are an adult now and even if you are on your parents health insurance they have no control over your medical needs or can they continue to see your medical records without your permission. If you have not already done so you need to change you medical & dental records to reflect who you want to allow to see your medical records. This is called HIPPA notification and all doctors have them.
You probably signed something at your doctors office when you were 14 allowing your parents permission to see and talk to your doctors about your medical records and care. You need to rescind this authorization.
Just because they are paying the bills does not give them the right to see your medical records. I could pay your medical bill. That would not give me the right to see your medical records only you in writing to the doctor can say who has that right.
There are other reason why you may be experiencing pain but the biggest is peace of mind and comfort. If I'm right and you're not on birth control there is no reason you should not be. You partner should also use a condom even if your on birth control. As condoms are effective in preventing the transmission of many STD's and the HIV/AIDS virus.
Also remember you are 19 an adult in every way. If you want a sex life you are now entitled to one. You were good to wait and get through high school before losing your virginity. Now you can relax and enjoy sex if you choose too.
I am 13 and about 5 feet tall. I weigh 100 lbs. Now, before you say that is super skinny, and blah blah, let me tell you some things.
I am an A34 chest size and my stomach sticks out much farther than my breats.
My stomach almost hangs over my pants.
This is one reason I cut myself. (I have been for a year)
Am I overweight or should I lose weight?
There are actually two questions that need to be addressed here. First is your weight and second is your cutting. The most important one is cutting and I will address it last as it requires more of you then your weight does.
As far as your weight is concerned it depends on your frame size. If you are small framed you are about the perfect weight. If you are large framed you are about 2o pounds under weight. The person to best make this call is your doctor for your doctor knows you best.
At your present age weight should not be a fixation. You are just now truly entering puberty. The fact that your belly sticks out further than you breasts is not a big deal as both your breasts and stomach muscles are still developing as is your figure. To help your figure you need to exercise to strengthen your abdominal wall and muscles. Talk with your physical education teacher about what exercises would help.
Now you're going to tell me other girls have better figures than you and they are your age or younger. I will tell you that each of you are different and develop at different rates. Give yourself a break and give your body time to mature properly. You will get the figure you are going to get in time. Puberty is something you will continue to deal with in to your early twenties. You are just going to have to be patient. Hormones awoken by puberty work at their own pace.
Right now you need to have your mother's permission to have your hormone levels checked. Next year when you are 14 you can ask the doctor without parental permission to check your hormones if you feel you are not maturing fast enough.
Now for the cutting. Cutting is bad for many reasons. First it is dangerous as you could cut in the wrong place or to deep and bleed out before help arrives. If you cut around your wrist, the wrist has both veins and arteries running through it. If you cut an artery you can bleed out in less than a minute.
Then there is the scarring. You will never be able to hide the scars they will always be there. Even with plastic surgery there will be scars. What plastic surgery does is try to reduce the scars by moving them into natural creases in your skin but the scars remain for life a constant reminder of what was.
You say your weight and body image is one reason for cutting. The other reason(s) you do not elaborate on. People who cut are generally feeling depressed for some reason. The cutting is an attempt to relieve the stress that causes the depression.
Teenage depression is more common than parents want to believe. At one time it was seen as a phase children went through. Well doctors know better now and they can help those teenagers who like you may be suffering from teenage depression.
You need to be screened for depression. This takes a visit to your doctor who will ask you a series of questions. Based on your answers a determination will be made as to if you are suffering from a form of depression. Your doctor may refer you to a psychiatrist. Don't let the doctors title upset you. A psychiatrist is a MD who has advanced training in psychiatry. Since teenage depression is generally caused by a deficiency of a hormone or hormones secreted into the brain. The psychiatrist is best trained to medicate and treat you the your family doctor or pediatrician. Yes it is that simple.
Both doctors may prescribe talk therapy with a psychologist to help you find out and deal properly with whatever is the stressor(s) that are causing the depression. The psychologist is someone you can talk to in total confidence, meaning what is said does not get back to your parents.
My advice is. Talk to you parents about your cutting and ask for help. There is no reason you need to suffer with the pain you are feeling. There is help but you must ask for it.
Your proper weight is something you need to discuss with your doctor. Fixating on your body image at this age is wrong and is part of you depressive issue. You will continue to mature that I can promise you. You just cannot hurry nature.
Please ask for help with the cutting and the rest of your problems will be resolved as well.
Just for the record, I am old enough to be your grandfather and have gone through this with my children and my nieces as well. I am also a retired firefighter and have run more than enough rescue calls for children and adults who cut themselves. I have been fortunate to arrive in time to save most of them but not all of them.
Here's the deal. I've always been pretty close with my mom. We have the same sense of humor, and we are able to talk to each other very easily. We've had our fights and disagreements here and there, but usually we would turn out okay, and move on. I'm currently 20 years old, and things seem to be getting worse with her, and I'm not all that sure why. Nowadays she hardly wants to talk to me or even look at me, and I can be as nice as possible to her and she'll snap at me for no reason. When she bothers to talk to me, all she says is some kind of complaint (either pertaining to me or something else). Even stranger is that we have a dog, and she suddenly changes her mood and acts happy towards our dog alone. Then, of course, if I walk by or talk to her, she's angry/cold again. She's basically the same with my older sister as well. I'm growing so tired of it and I don't know what to do. The worst happened on Thursday (Oct. 24).
Me and my sister were in a car accident...the very first I'd ever been in. It happened so suddenly. Long story short, we rear-ended someone who made a COMPLETE stop on a road that has a 45-50 mph speed limit (and no, it was nowhere near a stop light. They just randomly stopped in the middle of the lane. According to the police officer, that person was confused about something and decided to stop for some reason). We were incredibly lucky to not have been injured at all, and the people we hit weren't hurt either. Their car didn't receive any damage somehow, but the entire front of our car is now a complete mess. I remember the moment when we were about to crash into it, with their car's rear inches in front of us, and my sister slamming her foot on the brake, and us both screaming for our lives. I thought "This is it. We're going to die", in that split second. When we got out of the car, we were both shaking, and couldn't believe what just happened. But we were alive, and unharmed somehow. I felt so thankful, but so scared.
Of course, we called our mom first (and this was around 11 pm, so she was in bed already). And guess what her response was? Instead of immediately asking if we were okay, she only wanted to know what happened (with an unconcerned tone of voice), and scoffed at us for wanting her to pick us up after the whole ordeal was done. I couldn't believe it. When we got home two hours later (a friend dropped us off), she was sleeping soundly, and didn't bother to ask us how we were doing. The next day, she didn't ask either. And today (Oct. 26), she still hasn't shown ANY concern. Her only worry was if she would have to be the one paying the insurance or whatever.
I feel so sad, and frustrated. My own mom doesn't care that we could've been severely injured, or even died. Heck, she showed way more concern when our neighbor was in an accident than when her own daughters were. And she's noticed that me and my sis are mad at her because of her carefree attitude, and she's only become even angrier at us in return, instead of understanding the huge reason WHY. Please...any advice?
You have given a lot of information about moms attitude towards you and your sister. If I understand this change correctly this is more of a sudden change then one that took place over a long period of time. This usually is a sign that something is wrong with her either medically or a mental health problem.
What needs to be done is to try and get her to see her doctor. You or your sister should inform her doctors of what is going for mom may not say. One way to get mom to the doctor is to tell her that under Obama care, the Affordable Care Act, everyone needs to have a complete physical once a year to get the insurance. This is true but only for insurance bought on the exchanges. If she has employer group insurance it may not be a requirement.
Sudden changes in mental attitude are worrisome and need to be checked out by a doctor. It could be mom is suffering from a form of depression. There are many reasons for this. Most stem from some form of medical condition she is worried about or fearing. This causes excess stress. Stress causes pain and pain causes depression.
One thing about many of us of the older generation is we would rather think the worst of something then see a doctor and find out. Funny thing is that when we do see a doctor better than 99% of the time we find out that we worried about nothing.
My suggestion is that you do what you can to get mom to a doctor for a complete physical including a screening for depression. Once she has a clean bill of health you can go from there.
- Dad had heart attack 10 days ago.
- Doctors are giving two options: tracheostomy or stop life support
- CT Brain Scans show hypoxia and global cerebral edema
- From the cardiac arrest, it was 50 minutes until his heart started again
- He is in a comatose state, with no sedation, only involuntary movements
- Ventilator helping him breathe
Anybody been in the same situation, or can give suggestions on what I should do?
I'm having a hard time making a collaborative decision. Doctors are saying that the damage to the brain is irreversible and if he does survive, he will be severely disabled. If I take the tracheostomy route, he will be most likely in a vegetative state in a nursing home for the rest of his life.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
Need answers ASAP, they want a decision within next 2 days.
Thanks in advance for all responses.. God bless.
First let me say how sorry I am for your dads condition and the situation you find yourself in. If dad does not have a living will or an advanced directive, they are the same thing. Then if mom is not alive or they are divorced, and you are the oldest child these decisions must be made by you.
Thanks to advances in medical technology we are able to keep a body alive almost indefinitely though to me this is not living. What unfortunately you have to decide is what your father would want. Would he want to be kept alive by machines breathing for him, feeding and eliminating his waste. Most people don't, some and they are few want to be kept alive at all costs if there is any chance, no matter how small, that they will survive.
I'm not a doctor, I've been a firefighter for over 30 years and it is my experience it is not how long the heart was stopped but how long the brain went without oxygen that matters. How long was dad down before someone started proper CPR. If it was over 4 minutes his chances of coming back are almost nil.
Based on what you have written about your dads condition you have a very hard decision to make but it will be the right one for your dad. He, not you or anyone else is the one to be considered here.
My suggestion is you remove all life support. Tell the doctors you want all comfort and medications continued but no heroic efforts are to be made. What this means is they continue to medicate, care, feed and hydrate your father. Though in case of his heart stopping again they do nothing to restart it.
This is the right thing to do for him. If he has the will to live he will. If not then you have made it possible for him to die with dignity, without a bunch of tubes running in and out of him and in as much comfort as the doctors can provide.
Afterwards make sure you and your family see a lawyer and have living wills or advanced directives as well as cross medical powers of attorney drawn up. You keep these documents at home if readily available should they be needed. This way no one will ever have to go through what you are now going through.
These documents need to be updated every few years to remain valid within the laws of the state you reside in.
so me and my ex had sex a week ago and the next day my vagina started itching really bad. this was the first time we've ever used a condom. it was a red condom from plan pregnacy. i have posion ivy on my leg so i dont know if i have posion ivy or if im allergic to the condoms or lube. so could someone pleas help
There are any number of things it could be, we are not doctors and even if we were we could not make a diagnoses over the web. For a diagnosis you need to see your GYN which I recommend you do.
IT is possible that somehow the poison Ivy migrated up your leg into your vagina; most likely during sex play. If it did then it is possible your boyfriend now has poison ivy. It is also possible that the condom was a latex condom and you are allergic to latex. Latex condoms are the most inexpensive condoms and these are the type that planned parenthood most likely would distribute. If they were lubricated condoms you could be allergic to the lubrication.
It is also very possible though coincidental that you have a yeast infection; which has nothing to do with the condoms or the poison ivy. If you do have a yeast infect you could try treating it with over the counter medication like Monistat. With your problem given all the possible variables I would suggest you see a GYN and find out just what caused the itching. Get tested for sensitivity to latex as for there are many products that you can come in contact in daily life that have latex content. If you are latex sensitive you need to know so you can be aware and stay away for it.
If somehow the poison ivy did migrate to your vagina it needs to be treated properly as it is now inside you. If it is not poison ivy then it is something else and you really need a doctor to determine what it is.
If you are over 14 you have medical confidentiality when it comes to your reproductive system. This means you can make appointments to see a doctor. To see that doctor with or without parental permission. Anything said between you and the doctor, whatever you are treated for cannot be told to your parents. Your mother cannot be in the exam room with you unless you invite her while your reproductive system is being examined. You can even ask for birth control pills and be prescribed them. This is all granted to you under a law called HIPPA which is a federal law. No one but you and your doctor will ever know what you are treated for unless you give the doctor a written release to tell anyone specific.
With this said there is no reason for you to not see a doctor. For this particular problem there is no way for mom or dad to know what you say to the doctor which is the reason this law was written this way. So that young people would be totally open with their doctor with problems relating to their reproductive health. All you need say to the doctor is you invoke your rights under HIPPA.
i am so muchh damaged that i dont see a single point in living my life. i wanted to change .. but people around me never allow me to change.. i lost my right of opinion, i lost my right to cry.. everything i lost.. if i cry loudly.. they say " dont make me say anythin"..if i supress my sadness and madness they say "i know why you are behaving like this.. becoz u dont have the right ..." neither can i live nor can i change.. becoz according to them , i donot possess the right to change myself and live.. you see, they are not giving me a option other than death.. you think from my place... what u ll do?
daily living like this or a death?
We could offer you more help if you gave us more than; they say this and they say they that. You say you are damaged. I really do not know what to make of that for you have not explained why you feel this way. Tell me why you feel you are damaged and maybe I can help you fix yourself.
What I will tell you is this. Death is not the answer it is a wrong solution to a problem. For every problem there is a solution if you will allow others to help you find the solution. We may not have a solution for you though one of us will know where you can go to get the proper advice to correct your problem.
Besides needing to know why you feel your damaged. We need to know your age and any medical problem you may have. It would also be nice to know where you live if not in the USA.
What we need to know is the reason people say these things to you. For behind that reasons lies the ability to offer suggestions on how to fix the problem. No one can keep you from changing but yourself. IF you want to change no one can stop you.
So write back to me in a private letter or write back to us in the open forum with more information and lets see if we cannot come up with a better solution for you.
My 21st birthday is in a week and a half. I have no close friends who I want to spend it with... and my family is in another country.
I want to have a memorable 21st birthday because all my other birthdays were crappy. I don't want to be alone so I'm asking my boyfriend to be with me that night. but I doubt he has any plans for us. What should I do? He's only 20 so he can't come with me to bars or clubs. I dont want to spend the night "in' watching movies. we always do that.
I dont want to get my hopes up about somebody planning a party or a fun event because it NEVER turns out the way I expected and it just always turns into a disaster.
help!
You have not given us much to go on here. One thing I will say is that based on past birthdays you are setting yourself up for failure so to speak. When you plan to fail, failure is usually the result you get.
So the first thing I recommend is a change of mind set. Plan to make this the best birthday you have ever had. Not knowing your financial situation I cannot make any specific recommendations as to what to do.
What I suggest is this: Plan on making this birthday the best one you can for yourself by yourself. First decide how much money you can dedicate to having a fun birthday. Now just because your boyfriend cannot drink does not mean he cannot join you for your celebration. In fact it is a good idea that he does as it means you not only would you have a dedicated driver to get you home safely; you also have someone you trust to watch out for you in the event you over indulge.
Now sit down with pen and paper and make a list of all the things you would like to do but have not yet done or have been unable to do because you were under age. When you have your list eliminate the ones that are more expensive then the funds you have set aside for your birthday.
From the remaining ones make another list of those you can actually do on your birthday should your birthday fall during the work or school week. It is up to you whether you celebrate on your exact birthday or wait until the weekend following your actual birthday.
Once you make your choice or choices on how YOU want to celebrate you are pretty much guaranteed a happy Birthday as you are doing what you want. Call this list whatever you want. Call it a bucket list if you want for you can come to it in the future to do the other things on it.
My way of celebrating my Birthday, and I am many decades past 21, is to find a five star restaurant I have not tried and ask the chef to make me an outrageous dinner based on my food & wine preferences. It is my once a year indulgence in to no questions asked cuisine. Fortunately being as old as I am I have the funds to indulge myself in this manner once a year and my wife goes along with it.
This is what I am recommending; do something you would not ordinarily do on any other day of the year.
Have a Happy Birthday.
My favorite grandmother passed away last week on my birthday and wheni found out I was upset and cried a lot. but it still doesn't feel to me like she is really gone. Why don't I feel sad or why aren't I crying? could it possibly be that she is at peace now so I feel so too? I don't know but I feel bad because I should be super upset
There is nothing wrong with how you feel as we all grieve differently. Psychologists will tell you there are many different steps to grief and some people will go through all of them while other may only experience one or two.
It is very possible that you are still in shock of your grandmothers passing, it has only been a week. Reality will set in soon. The other side of this may be that your grandmother was very ill before she passed. You had time to come to grips with her passing. It could be as you said that she is at peace now, no longer suffering and you too are in peace that she is no longer suffering.
You will eventually come to terms with her passing and learn to remember her and the good times you had together. My grandfather was my best friend from the time I was born until he passed away. We could talk for hours about absolutely nothing. I hurt terribly when he passed some 40 years ago.
Today 40 years later I think of him often. One of my favorite stories to tell is the time he took me for one of my flying lessons. For two hours I circled the airport doing takeoffs and landings. I asked my instructor why we had to do 2 hours of this for it was a lot of work. He said, "grandpa was paying for the lessons so grandpa gets to see you fly the plane."
As you can see that is one of my favorite stories to tell. You will have a story like this and others to tell. For now don't worry about how you are feeling. We all grieve differently and I believe you may still be dealing with the shock of her passing.
I'm a thirteen year old girl in 8th grade and this guy asked me out. I don't like him. He is more my friend. When he asked, I was frazzled so I said I have to think about it. I want to be friends with him still without making it awkward. What should I say tomorrow at school?
P.S.-Everyone in the school knew he was gonna ask me out. And people were telling him that I was interested.
Lightoftruth is correct; just tell him the truth. That you like him as a friend but do not see him as a boyfriend or love interest. There is nothing wrong with that and it is something he should get use to hearing as he will hear this many more times as he continues to date. Not everyone you are interested in is going to be interested in you. This is as the saying goes what makes the world go round.
I will also throw in here that at 13 you are a little young to be dating in an exclusive one on one dating scene. Have you spoken to your parents about dating? As a parent and a grandparent I'm sure your parents, especially your dad may have some rules for dating.
I would suggest that if you and your parents have not had the talk about dating yet that you do so, especially if boys are starting to ask you out. I know it is not fair but there is a double standard when it comes to dating for girls that does not exist for boys. But understand boys cannot get pregnant and this is why the double standard exists.
One word of advice about teenagers and parents. Never hide things from your parents. Trust me when I say there is nothing you will do that we have not tried to do and we will always find out what you have been doing, just as our parents found out about us. Being truthful will in the end allow for more freedom as your parents will grow to be more trusting in what you do when you are away from them.
I know this sounds old fashioned but here again trust me when I say this advice really works. The more open you are with your parents the more freedom they will give you and you will not be writing us telling us your parents are overbearing and asking for our help.