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Love life, but more so the family.
I could write thousands of pages about the annoyances of my boyfriends sister (probably going to become my sister in law, yikes) but I'll try to keep it short. But to give you a brief idea, she is extremely clingy to my boyfriend (her brother) and now she has latched herself onto me as well. She is one of those pretty girls who is extremely cocky of herself but in truth is very alone but portrays herself to be so popular and loved, fabricates these huge stories to make herself seem interesting, blahblah. She's pushed herself into many situations between my boyfriend and I, shows up to the house and places we're going uninvited and when she does, usually brings drama (usually boy oriented cause she's been with basically all his friends) everywhere she goes. Always will try and work wherever my boyfriend is working. So, she's just everywhere. She's 22 as well as I, so though yes 22's still young, this is ridiculous. At least I don't act this way so I don't want to be around people that do but it's hard cause it's his family. This all probably sounds dumb and like small stuff, but when it's constant and has been going on for four 1/2 years, it gets very old. I can just like, fore-see all her "tactics" before she does them now, haha.
But anyways. Main point. My boyfriend and I eventually want to move somewhere, be mostly off the grid, we always talk about wanting to own a small cabin a little ways out of the city in somewhere like Oregon or Washington or somewhere. Oregon was the main focus, heard so many great things about there, looks beautiful, and very far away from everyone I know! Haha. Well all the sudden, she wants to move there too. She's "always wanted to be away from everyone, go live in the mountains and be with her art". My mouth dropped. Two months ago she was going to move to another state to be with some dudes she met on the internet. Even not being with "internet guys" she wanted to move to Nevada anyways, she's been talking about that for a whole year. Now she's completely flipped the script, and she says she's buying her ticket for Oregon at the end of the month. Then she starts saying how she's going over there, going to get me and my boyfriend connections and things like that so when we finally move she'll hook us up with jobs and friends and whatever. Like she's going to set up our life together for me. WHAT. WHATTTT.
The reason one moves especially with someone is to start a new life together. JUST THE TWO OF YOU. I wouldn't even be surprised if whenever we did move she'd just drop her lease and try and move in with us cause she doesn't wanna live by herself or something. NOOoOoo.
I guess she stopped by house today while I've been at work cause when I got home my boyfriend was talking about how she really wants US to move out there (like this was her idea from the beginning) and blahblah. Then I was just like,"Well, I don't know if I wanna move out there." And he knows I've been wanting to go there so he got thrown off and kind of defensive and was wondering why and I just kept saying how there's other nice places to, we still need to think about it, etc. He really wants Oregon though so I know he's gonna keep pushing it. As of right now I'm googling what cities are the farthest apart from where she's going haha so at least I have some hourly distance if I can't have stately but he wants near the coast and of course, she'll be right on it.
I think this post is more so just to rant really but if anyone has any insight on any of this, at all, please. I just don't know how to word that I don't want to live there now without throwing him off and causing issues or I guess I might just eventually have to tell him I cannot stand his sister and I'm not isolating myself in a whole new state with her? How does one word that haha. Especially knowing he'll tell her and then all hell would break loose.
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As the saying goes when you marry someone you marry their family as well, its a package deal. One of the nice things about living with someone before you marry them is it is like a trial marriage or test drive. You get to see what marriage to them and their family is going to be like.
Nothing says you have to like or love your in-laws. I was fortunate in that I had great in-laws with the exception of a sister in-law. Fortunately I only see her every couple of years for a day or two and have learned to put up with her. She became part of the package when she married my wife's brother.
At the moment I think you are obsessing over something that may not come to be. You will never be able to come between you boyfriend and his sister even when you become his wife. He either knows her for what she is or is turning a blind eye to her and her clinginess.
Even though I believe you are obsessing over something that may not materialize. I believe you need to address this with your boyfriend sooner rather than later. Meaning if it is this upsetting to you then it could be a deal breaker for you when it comes to marrying him. You don't say that in so many words but the inference is there.
I suggest that you sit down with your boyfriend and have a conversation that would go something like this. "Honey, all this talk by your sister of moving wherever we seem to want to go is very upsetting to me." "It is not then I don't like your sister, I do like her I think she is a sweet person." "Moving as we are planning to do offers many things I want for us." "One of which is time for us to be together just the two of us so we can enjoy life's intimacy in all the respects of the word." "Just you and me against the world to blaze our own trail."
Of course you would use your own words but I think you get the idea of what to say to him. You are saying you want to explore all of life's intimacies with him as a young married couple should. To make your own way in the world together by yourselves.
How he responds to you will give you the answers you looking for.
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You just need to tell your boyfriend about what has been going on.
You don't have to be mean about it. You can say that you love his sister but you're feeling a bit suffocated and then state your reasons why. Don't sound whiny, because I'm sure he'll feel the need to defend his sister if he feels like you're attacking her.
Then from there you'll both figure out what place is right for you both to live and such.
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I understand why this is bothering you, but there isn't actually a problem yet. She's just talking, and you know she's 99% talk. The likelihood that she is actually going to move to Oregon is really really small.
Your far, far bigger problem, is that you've never been honest with your boyfriend about your dislike of his sister, and that you don't trust him to handle that truth very well if you did tell it.
THAT is a potentially relationship destroying. That is way more dangerous to your long-term happiness with him, than where she chooses to live.
Tackle that first, then worry about where you are going to live.
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