adviceman49's advice column | Page 167

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

140897

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

2 weeks ago me 18 years old and my gf 15 years old were having sex. By mistake we didnt use a condom but i split my sperms outside her vagina im her tummy . My question what are the chances of her getting pregnant even after i split my sperms outside. And what should i do next?
plz i need urgent answers

I cannot understand how one can accidentally not use a condom. You either do or don't there is no accident here other than a possible pregnancy as the answer to your question is yes.

Depending where in her cycle your GF was; the chances of pregnancy can be high. A woman's most fertile during the middle 2 weeks of her menstrual cycle. That would be the 7th to 21st day of her cycle. About 80% of all women are fertile during this time period as it is during this time period an egg is ejected from her ovary and can be fertilized by a sperm. Sperm can live up to 72 hours after being ejaculated into a woman.

Most all men emit a pre-ejaculate which is a lubricant. This can have thousands of sperm in it, more than enough to fertilize an egg. Since most women do not know just when she is fertile, if she is not on birth control a condom should be worn whenever you have intercourse regardless for how long you are going to do so or if you intend to ejaculate in her or not. Also besides being 80% effective in preventing pregnancy, condoms are effective in preventing the transmission of many STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus. For young people today it is very foolish to have intercourse and not to use a condom no matter how well you know your partner.

Also the fact that you are 18 and she is 15 you could be in a great deal of legal trouble beyond the fact that she may be pregnant. At 18 you are legally an adult. At 15 depending on the laws in your state she is a minor and may not be legally able to consent to having sex.

If she is below the age of consent and is pregnant you could be in a world of trouble legally. If she is not pregnant then I would suggest you refrain from having sex with her at least until she is legally able to consent. In many states the age could be as high as 17 or 18 until this is so. If you are going to continue to date and have sex with people younger than yourself I would suggest you check the law. For 10 minutes of sex with a minor could get you life in prison.

Is it wrong for a 16 year old and a nearly 24 year old to like eachother more than just friends?

It is not only wrong it is illegal if liking each other means as in dating and having sex. The 24 year old can go to jail just for dating the 16 year old. It is called statutory rape. Sex does not have to happen it is assumed because the 16 year old is minor; as legally not able to consent.

Should this couple cross a state line together then the Federal charge of violating the Mann act can be made. These charges can carry sentences of life in prison. If the 24 year old ever gets out of prison he or she will have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their lives wherever they go.

There is also something very wrong when a 24 year old is interested in someone so young. It is almost always looked at if not truly a case of pedophilia. Pedophiles pray on the young were it starts out as a friendship then things turn bad. The young person in this relationship is in grave danger but refuses to see it for various reasons. Mainly because they are enamored by the fact that someone so much older is in love with them. This is what the pedophile counts on.

If you are the 16 year old tell your parents immediately who this man is and what has been happening between you, including if he has been touching you or if you have had sex with him. This is very import to tell them as it says how much danger you are in and how they should react.

I cannot say your parents won't be angry. Though they should also be relieved you came to your senses and came to them before you were hurt. It is important regardless of what you think how your parents may react towards you that you tell them TODAY, everything. I cannot stress enough how much danger you could be in.

It is just not right for a 24 year old to be dating a 16 year old. I'm sure you watch the news or look at the paper. This is how some of the girls you may have heard about or read about get hurt It starts just this way. Your life could very well be in danger. TALK TO YOUR PARENTS TODAY.

So this male friend of mine (26) and I (21) moved in together back in March. Everything was cool for about four months. We eventually started sporadically having sex for two months, and then we stopped. Recently I tried to bring up the subject to him and he said he didn't want to anymore. My feelings were hurt and I was overwhelmingly confused. When I asked him why, he said, "I just want you as my roommate. That's it."
For this entire week, I've been trying my damnedest to pretend I was content with that logic. But what changed so quickly? I realize his decision is the smart one, but if he's attracted to me, why is he acting like this? I told him last night that I couldn't be friends with him and that I had to move out next March when our lease expires. He still hasn't said anything to me and I feel like I've just really fucked up. My questions are these: Why did he change his mind so quickly?
Was I right to be honest? Should I stick by my last statement or retract it?

I can't answer for him other than something in the relationship may not be working for him. His refusal to talk about it is something you have to respect. It does not mean that the problem is you. In fact if the problem was you I believe he would say something.

One of the things about living together is it is like a trial marriage. It just maybe he does not want to be married, so to speak, at this time. One would think that someone 26 years old would be mature enough to know what he wants. Then again there are a lot of immature 26 year olds running around.

If your name is not on the lease then there is no reason for you to hang around until the lease expires. If your name is on the lease, there may be a sublet clause in the lease, which will allow him to bring in a new roommate and allow you to move out now. Talk to your landlord to see if you can sublet to another person for the remainder of the lease.

If all he is looking for is a roommate that person does not have to be you. You do not have to stay and tear yourself up wondering what went wrong or what you may have done. I don't think you did anything wrong and you certainly should not look to be a roommate with benefits for him.

The sooner you move out the better it will be for both of you. My advise is that if all he wants is a roommate that he seek out someone to take your place on the lease and that you find a new apartment or a new roommate to share an apartment with.

Chalk this up to a learning experience. When you next think of moving in with someone get to know him first by dating for a good period of time with extended sleepovers before you sign leases.

15/f I'm a sophomore in high school and ever since last year guys have always taken notice of me. I knew I would get some attention from guys but I did not think I would get as much attention as I did. A lot of times, if I wasn't so laid back, I could reported it as sexual harassment or something because I didn't know many of them. But now I am friends with mostly all of them and they are all really great guys. anyway I hear things that guys say about as far as my looks and everything how I'm attractive and like I take it as a compliment but it bothers me that guys are so intimated by me. Guys that are older than me are hesitant to talk to me even though I know they want to talk to me and make conversation. I know it's normal for guys to get nervous around girls but guys are straight up like scared of me. I don't take shit from anyone, I'm confident, and I'm attractive to guys so I guess it does make sense to why guys are afraid because for example if I don't want to do something with a guy that I don't want to do I will tell them straight up no and I think they are just afraid of rejection but I'm not gonna change that part of me. But mostly they think I'm really cold but I'm not you just have to get to know me. I have trust issues with guys so I'm not the most outgoing flirtatious girl around guys I'm a little more reserved around guys and then one I get to know them I'll open up. But even a guy I hooked up(made out)with two weeks ago I saw him and he didn't say hi even though I knew he would've he's just afraid and I don't even know why. It's like I always have to make the first move and I'm kind of tired of it. How do I make guys feel not so intimated around me??

This is really the strangest part of being young. Boys your age will sit and stare at you for hours to the point that there staring can be seen as sexual harassment. They are so intimidated by how good you look that they fear try to talk to you or even asking you on a date for fear of rejection. Boys your age have a high rejection fear added to the natural intimidation they have with girls.

Now there are two things you can do about it other than just let them stare at you and wait for one of them to build up the courage to come talk to you. You can go talk to the boy or boys who interest you. In todays world it is even acceptable for you to suggest that you and he hook up and go someplace together. I use the words hook up rather than a date as the word date could be intimidating.

There is a better way to meet someone that is less intimidating and allows then, a boy or boys in this case, to get to know you in a more congenial and less intimidating manner. I'm sure you have things you like to do that may be supported by after school clubs or activities you can join. Maybe you are interested in art, music, hiking, camping, running, cycling or any other activity that boys and girls can do together.

Look for clubs or activities that you like to do that you can join or participate in. There are boys who have these same interests. Now what is good about these interests in what is called commonality. You both have something in common that breaks down the barrier that exist between the sexes regardless of age by the way. You have something you can discuss that is of interest to both of you.

Having something of interest that both of you are both knowledgeable in and can discuss allows each of you to get to know each other in an entirely different manner than you have been meeting people. You get a better insight to who this person is for the façade of the exterior person is removed.

The great thing about this way of meeting people is it works over and over again. It will work now and it will work when you go off to college. It is possible one of you parents will get a new job or transfer to a new location before you finish high school. This is a great way to make friends.

This is also how, when the time is right, you will meet that special person in your life. Sex appeal, outer beauty, is as the saying goes only skin deep. At some point you wake up and have to really talk to one another and find you have nothing in common. Is it not better to look for friends and that future special person by looking for someone you have more in common with than sex appeal.

Well, let's start 2 years back. My boyfriend and I began dating early 2012, his daughter was just over a year old at this time. Well, his ex at this point had moved an hour and a half away with her new boyfriend and their daughter. I didn't understand the situation too well at the moment so I stayed out. I saw him angry and upset on the phone nearly everyday. After 6 months of dating my boyfriend took me on a drive to meet his daughter when he picked her up from daycare one day. Of course I immediately fell in love, but I also understood how big this was. Since I met her I have kept in mind how important it is that children don't have people come and go from their lives which is why my boyfriend and I try our best with each other. Well, shortly after I met her I began being harassed by baby mama. We had a "meeting" with her and both out boyfriends. She explained to me how important it was her daughter didn't have people come and go and how there was only one mom and dad. She yelled at my boyfriend right in front of me telling him that he has to stop sleeping with woman and bringing them in and out of her life. Well not even a day later a picture surfaces on Facebook of her boyfriend and daughter that read daddy and daughter. Well they broke up shortly after and since then she has had multiple partners and we have managed to stick together. Much drama has happened and she has said a lot of nasty misleading things. Well 2 years later we have a place and his daughter has her own room and spends a lot of time over here. I love that girl so much and it hit me I have been in her life the majority of it. I feel like a mom, I do all motherly duties like a mom, and I love her like a mom. I don't expect the title mom and I know that. It just drives me crazy that I can't refer to her as my daughter and when people ask who I am I draw a blank. I know it confuses her too sometimes. Well, the other day I was talking to her and she said "everything is not good you are my big sister." It immediately made my heart sink. I know she doesn't understand what to call me and I feel like she was told by her mother to call me sister. (Which to me is even more confusing) I told her I wasn't her sister but that I love her just like her mommy and daddy do and she repeated that I was her sister. Lately not having any title other than my name has begun to be so confusing and frustrating. What can I call myself? What are the boundaries to what I can say? I just know that her and I both find it confusing and I don't know how to explain to her what I am. How have other step mothers. Managed this? Any tips or advice? Because this is emotionally frustrating.

While I have not been in your situation I do know people who have and how they have handled the problems you are facing. Before I address the issue of what to have the little girl call you there is a more important issue to address here.

You are correct in what you addressed about people floating in and out of the little girls life. It is confusing for her now and later in life will be a cause of great concern when her parents explain to her about sex and waiting. Watching multiple partners float in an out of her mothers life for whatever period of her life this may continue will sound hypocritical. Some what; do as I say not as I do, when she looks at her mother.

If you and your boyfriend are planning on making your relationship a permanent then your home would be the more stable environment in which to raise that little girl. Once again if this is where your relationship is headed then you need to speak with your boyfriend about your willingness to raise his child in your home and to urge him to seek a modification in custody. One where he has custodial custody and his ex has visitation and pays support.

As to what the little girl should call you. She can if course call you Miss ____ or she can call you Aunt ____. Children sometimes call unrelated adults they are close to Aunt or Uncle. I called a close Neighbors of mine Aunt & Uncle as did their son refer to my parents as Aunt and Uncle. While this is preferable to Miss _____ the answer I prefer is this one.

I while back we had a similar question. This young lady wanted to call her stepmother mom as well as her mother since she felt she was as close to or closer to her stepmom then her biological mom. She wanted to know if calling her stepmom Mom2 was acceptable.

I see no reason she could not refer to you as mom2 provided you and your boyfriend are headed to the alter. Of course there is nothing wrong with being referred to as stepmom either when the time comes. Until then or if you are unsure whether or not you and your boyfriend are headed to the altar then I believe it is quite acceptable for the little girl to introduce you as Aunt _______ or for you to refer to yourself as Aunt _______.

recently that show premired last year i think it involves stupid country rednecks that kill animals for fun and to make a club they also get gross or just talk about gross things and everybody seems to be obsessed with that show everyone except me i dont buy the mercendise or anything and Willie Robertson is making everyone redneck crazy i hope this show stops in the future becuase im not really fond of it

I wish I had an answer for you. I do not watch the show for I agree with you it is one of the dumbest Redneck shows on TV.

I see no redeeming value in the show what so ever. The problem is it is high in the ratings, for a cable program and the merchandise sell. This is a formula that will keep the show on the air for some time.

My mom saw my self-harm scars and told my dad.. Well he called me an attention-seeker. He doesn't know what I go through and why I do it and I don't want to tell him. What do I do?

P.S. Please don't tell me to get professional help or anything like that. Thanks

lightoftruth is right; you need professional help. You cut yourself because you want to feel something to relieve the pain or stress you are under. It is also a sign of depression.

Teenage depression is a real diagnoses. Something your grandparents or great grandparents would have said is just a phase teenagers go through and will grow out of. Some did others did not. Your father by saying you were just seeking attention was not all that far off the mark. Cutting is also a cry for help, he just doesn't understand, most likely because he suffered as you are and his parents felt it was just a phase.

Teenage depression is very treatable, easily diagnose. Teenage depression painless is diagnose and generally only needs short term treatment to help you get past what is truly bothering you and causing the pain and depression.

You have not said what it is that is causing you to cut. What I will tell you is that at 15 you are in the right age group to be suffering from teenage depression. Part of the problem is some overwhelming stress you are suffering from. It could be something at school or at home or a combination of things. You may or may not be fully aware of what is stressing you to this point. The other part is hormonal brought on in part by puberty.

Whatever the cause is the organic part, the hormonal cause is easily treatable by a doctor. The stress you are under needs to be treated in therapy with a psychologist. The psychologist is someone you can talk with in total confidentiality to get at the root cause of your stress and find a better way of dealing with it rather than cutting. Nothing you tell your therapist gets back to your parents. It has to be this way for you to be open and honest with the psychologist. When the psychologist does talk with your parents it is to support you and suggest ways they can help you between visits but not to tell them what was said or discussed by you or between you. This you must believe if the therapy sessions are to be fruitful.

Cutting is not only harmful it is dangerous. As a retired firefighter/first responder. I can tell you and must warn you that if you cut too deep or in the wrong place you can bleed out before help arrives. From the time you call 911 to the time the first help arrives is on average 4 minutes. You can bleed out in less than half that time. Then there is the scarring which will be with you for your entire life. Plastic surgery does not remove the scars it makes new ones that move the scars to places harder to see such as natural creases within your skin.

How do I know this. While I may be considerably older than you. I have been where you are and have the mental and physical scars to prove it. Therapy works if you work with the therapist and you will be much happier if you do. You do not have to suffer or cut.

You need professional help. If your parents will not get it for you. Then next time you feel like cutting pick up the phone and dial 911 instead. Tell the call taker you are cutting or feel like cutting yourself. Help will be sent to you. Another thing you can do is talk to a trusted teacher or a principal. Show them your scars. They have procedures to follow to see to it you get the help you need.

you said that you needed to know what my disabilities were and they are attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, Bipolar depression trimmers and some learning disabilities and anxiety disorder .

Good morning and thank you for writing back. Of the disabilities you wrote back about my two biggest concerns are of course you suffering with bipolar disorder and your anxiety problems. Hopefully you are staying on your medications for the bipolar problems and that is under control as well as your anxiety disorder.

As I said I am not a doctor but my wife is employed in the mental health field and we are immersed in the day to day problems of people who do suffer with these problems; so I am familiar with them.

The ADHD and the learning disabilities are not problems that will be effected by moving though I'm not quite as sure when it comes to the other two problems. In fact I am concerned that moving will cause you problems with anxiety with being in a new place without the support systems you have built for yourself with your friends and church. Having problems with anxiety issues could in turn trigger problems with your bipolar disorder.

I would suggest you check with your doctors and get their feedback as to how they feel about you moving to a strange new place. You do have an alternative which is to live with your cousin.

While you are talking to your doctors ask them how they feel about you living on your own in a supervised group home. If they agree follow the advice I gave you yesterday.

As I said I am not a doctor but if you are compliant with your medications and doctors visits. I see no reason why you could not live in a group home and possibly work at one of the organizations I mentioned or one like them.

Should your doctors agree you could try it to see how you like living on your own. A good friend of my wife's is bipolar and suffers from ADHD. She is also a nurse in a Veterans hospital and lives totally on her own.

The limitation I can see from what you have written is the degree of your learning disability. With the proper help learning disabilities can be overcome.

I'm M/18, freshman in college. I'm currently going to college, majoring in engineering. I hate it. I really do. I don't want to go anymore. What I really want to do is have a successful band. I didn't really have a choice. High school and family basically forced me to go. I honestly feel that I'm wasting time sitting in my 3 hour classes. I feel like I could actually be doing something. My whole life it's been "you have to do this/you have to do that." I'm tired of it. I want to do what I want for a change. You might say I should keep college as a backup, but I disagree. What's holding me back with music is time and money. If I could get a job and save and invest, I can get the equipment I need. I understand that being in a band does NOT guarantee success at all. But the way I see it, is that it's similar to a business. If you don't put time and investment into it, you'll get nowhere. So I should at least try. I'm not a big spender, I have no expensive addictions (I don't smoke, I don't buy lotto, I don't buy sneakers etc.) I just want to get this thing rolling. I don't want to be like everyone else. Everyone is going to college now. Everyone is getting into debt. College doesn't guarantee success either. My parents went, my sister went, etc. My sister is an NYU graduate, yet she lives down the block from me in the same "ghetto." I don't want to just have a stable job. I want to enjoy my life, I want to be my own boss. I'm willing to work and save for it. But my parents would get so pissed if I stopped going to school. I'm not on Earth to satisfy my parents though. So if I think I have a chance at success against the odds, why not try? See, we all have dreams, images, pictures of what we want. Each one is different, might be very similar, but each is unique. The thing about us is that, no matter how far fetched that dream or idea is, to an extent, we can bring it to reality if we truly want it. I really don't want to tell my parents about this, but I also don't want to waste their money and go against my dreams.

Time for some grandfatherly advice and since I am of that age I will try to offer some.

Grandparents see things at times through a different, sometimes more lenient set of eyes. Why this is may be because we can step back now that we have raised our own children and see the whole forest for the trees.

I do understand what you are saying. I also understand you are 18 and have little in the way of worldly experiences to draw upon. Yes there is no guarantee your band will fail or be successful.

The questions I have for you, which you have not answered to my satisfaction is; what is wrong with hedging your bet? Where you a good student in High School? Are you getting good grades in college?

At your present age you must be in your first year of college. Maybe engineering is not the best choice for you? Was it a choice you made or your parents made for you? In any case the first two years of college are primarily for the study or the prerequisite courses so you have waste noting if you wish to change your major to something more of your liking.

There is nothing to be gained from being a starving artist. In fact being a starving artist could impede your ability to be successful. I don't know much about the music business but I do know it takes money for the instruments and money for studio time to make an album or any recordings. How do you plan to finance these things. I have my doubts you could put the arm on your parents.

Now with a good education behind you, not necessarily in Engineering but in something more to your liking. You have a gateway to earning good money when you need it. There are many companies that hire temporary employees to augment their staff as needed. The money is good for the right jobs and it is usually short term employment.

My way of thinking is you can have your cake and eat it maybe with ice cream on top. If you have properly prepared. Meaning find a major more to your liking. You have a career to back up the financing of your true love and the time to dedicate to building you band without starving to do so.

Think about it and write back to me. We can discuss this between ourselves if you like. If your parents are paying for your college then you are not going to graduate with a heap of debt requiring you to get a full time job to pay off your debt.

From where I sit you could have the world by the horns if you plan and prepare properly. Think about it and get back to me with your thoughts. IF you want and answer though you need to get back to me in a private message and not a comment in the rating box as I cannot comment a again on this page.

i am in my 60s & have always loved women. having been married once, (we were together 12 yrs), then married. do not drink, do drugs, or hang round those that do. have high regards for law enforcement, but have always gotten into trouble, younger. have led an interesting life, traveling all over U.S. for work, w/ex & other gals. I use to be so muscular, i looked scarry. have always loved life. just cannot figure out what i am doing wrong. last three gals turned out to be dopers and/or prostitutes. thank god i never caught anything. no matter how ard i try...nothing works. i am not very religious. am going to retire in 4 years. have a great place overlooking the water. i thought i was changing my past for the better. depression is a everyday thing off& on. really do not have nothing to look forward to. hate bars, & tired of confrontations. want to just dissapear. the only time i feel good is if i am spending money on someone or just spending money. what a boring / lonely life. Am sick of it.

Your responce in effect confirms my thoughts. You yourself speak about being depressed. Not all people suffer from bipolar disorder as it is a serous mental illness. Prove me wrong by seeing a doctor and getting a proper diagnoses of what may be troubling you. Your rant makes no sense for a person of your age a stage in life.

By the way I'm past my 65 th birthday making me about your age.

I believe you are suffering from a form of depression that is clouding your perspective. One of the big problems with depression is that it does affect the way we see things. In your writing you write that you only feel good when spending money. While I am not a doctor, my wife works within the mental health field and I have spent many years as a first responder.

One of the symptoms of a form of depression called bipolar is spending money, lots of money, on things for no reason or need. I do not know if this is the reason behind your spending but it is a red flag considering you yourself say you are depressed.

There is a life after retirement provided you decide to join in. Depression and possible bipolar disorder could affect how you enjoy your retirement years if not properly treated. Properly treated there is no reason you cannot enjoy retirement and find companionship and even love.

You are probably saying I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Unfortunately I do for I have been there. I am now retired and suffered from depression. Please trust me enough to at least get yourself screened by your doctor. It is painless and you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from it in what I see in your letter is right.

Call your doctor and make an appointment for a complete physical. This is needed in any case to rule out any other possible causes for how you feel. Tell the doctor you feel depressed and the doctor will screen you. The screening is a series of questions. Also tell the doctor that spending money makes you feel better.

Then follow the doctors instructions and if I'm right in a few weeks the world will be a better place.

how to ask my best girlfreind to have sex with me

The best way to ruin a friendship is to ask a friend to loan you money or to have sex with them. Think long and hard about what you want. What is more important? Having sex with this friend or keeping them as a friend.

My feeling is that friends, good friends, are hard to find. Sex on the other hand can be rather easy to find.

My sister recently reentered an abusive relationship, that my parents paid money to get her out of. Previously before the few days that she remained broken up with him for, they dated for four years. She moved back in with him over a year ago, after getting a job at a local company.

On Wednesday morning, after she called the house at 4:00 in the morning, my family and I discovered things that we dislike about the boyfriend. For example, he suffers from severe alcoholism, so severe that his doctor prescribed him medication to get him to stop drinking. Additionally, we also discovered that she lied about his employment situation. Formerly, my sister told us that he found a job where they promoted him to general restaurant manager. Problem is, while he worked there for a short time, he was unemployed for the past two months.

My grandmother told her to drive down here and move back in. So, she took her cat and her dog and prepared to move back down here. Unfortunately he manipulated her, into going to see him, and re-exposed her to the rather dangerous situation. His ploy was that he was going to call the cops on her for stealing the car and that his father was dying. Everything turned out to be a lie, while his father was in critical care, he seems fine after pulling out of his quadruple bypass surgery, and the title was in her name. The title to the car that she apparently "stole" was in her name, so there was o way he could press charges against her. We tried to beg her not to go, but she went back anyway.

That night one of my sister's friends came over to pick up food and talk about the situation, since she was really upset that she went back there. My sister informed her friend that she wanted to go back home, and that her boyfriend was fighting with her and acting very nasty about her decision to call the cops on him. She also told her friend that she wanted to come back home.

That Thursday my mother worked to get her back home with us, where we knew she was safe. Her boyfriend drove her down to the ferry on a flat tire so that she could go to Bridgeport. She boarded the boat, and my father paid for her to take a cab home.

When she got home, she smiled and I swore that she was relieved to be out of the situation. Her friend came over and they stayed outside for a very long time. I swear that she told him it was over, because he kept on calling her and finally texted her that he needed to find something.

Then on Friday, she proceeded to have an attitude with everyone in the house. I attend college and attend class that morning, so I was not home for most of the day. My parents were pissed that she wanted to go back to CT with him. But again, it was another one of his elaborate stories to trap her into going back home. According to the legend, his best friend called the cops on him because he was suicidal and he needed her.

I feel like it's my fault that she went back to the situation, because instead of talking with her I fought with her. I tried apologizing after the fact, and told her that I was sorry and begged her not to go.

I have no idea what to do, I talked to my boyfriend and he told me that I need to call her. I'm not even sure if she will pick up the phone and tell the truth if something is happening. What are my legal standings, can I press charges against the bastard? I'm sorry, but he's manipulating her and there has to be some type of fraud that he should be charged with.

I'm the little sister, we're both adults though, I'm 22 and she's 28. The pathetic little boy, who she claims to be the love of her life, is 34 years old. My parents are so irritated with her, and refuse to let her come back home until she gives him up for good. What do I do? I really want him in jail, because I feel like this might give her thinking time without and make her realize that he is no good for her.

This is truly a case of where you can lead a horse to water but cannot make it drink. Your sister is an adult responsible for her own actions. While mental cruelty is wrong it is not always looked at as legally abusive as it is hard to prove even with the victims compliance. Battery on the other hand is something illegal that if you witness you can charge him with. If you don't witness you can report it to the police to investigate. You do not say that your sisters relationship has escalate to domestic violence if it has then report him.

As for your responsibility here; you are not responsible for the situation your sister is in. No matter how much guilt you may feel; your sister makes her own choices and must live by the choices she makes. This is what is so aggravating to your parents that the choices she is making are so harmful to her.

It is unfortunate that the only option available to you is to sit and observe. Should you see something that you can report to the police don't hesitate to do so, each and every time you see something. Maybe if he gets tired of being arrested he will leave your sister.

The only other thing you can do is be there for your sister when and if she comes to her senses which she may eventually do. We all have our breaking points. It's called hitting bottom. Until we do there is not anything anyone can do for us until we reach that point and want help.

You say her boyfriend is an alcoholic. He will not give up the alcohol until he realizes he is an alcoholic and wants help. The medication the doctor gave him to help him stop drinking is meant to make him sick if he drinks. He will stop the medication, not the drinking.

I know this for my brother in-law is a 25+ year recovering Alcoholic. The part about hitting bottom before asking for help comes right from Alcoholics Anonymous. It is one of the first steps to recovery. Until then there is nothing you can do to force a change on someone be they an alcoholic or in an abusive relationship.

As much as it may hurt to do so all you can do is observe and be there for her. Watch out for your sister, step in when you can and be there when she needs you. Most importantly do not put any of the blame for her present situation on yourself or anyone else, including your parents. Your sister is the only one responsible for the situation she is in.

Hey everybody I just needed some advice so well here goes it just seems like everything is happening all at once and I don't even know where to begin with explaining it but I will try my best I lived in Georgia my whole life ever since I was 2 months old in the same house in the same town and I am now 24 years old with some disabilities that keep me from living on my own and now my mom is sick and she says that she wants to move to either Oklahoma or Texas because she needs help raising her 2 grand kids and help taking care of me and I totally understand her point of view and why she would want to move because all her family lives in Oklahoma and that's where she was raised and lived her whole childhood life except for the 24 years she was here trying to raise me and still thins she still has to take care of me even though I am 24 years old now grown up and she want's to be near one of my sisters That live in Texas and has a family of her own now which like I said I get that and my other sister the mom of the 2 grand kids my mom is raising while my mom is sick is in Massachusetts some where we don't even know what town she is in but I don't want to move to Oklahoma or Texas because everything I know is here in Georgia my church is here my family on my dad's side is here my friends are here my boyfriend is here everything I know and love but the thing is I don't want to leave my mom either and I talked to my cousin and she said since I have some disabilities that keep me from living on my own even though I am 24 years old I couldn't live on my own but if I wanted to I could live with her if I decided to stay in Georgia but I don't want to be selfish either what should I do ?

I wish you had elaborated more on what your disabilities are and what assistance you need on a daily basis. Without this information it is hard to make any specific recommendations as what you might do in order to stay where you are the happiest.

Unless your mother has some form of legal guardianship over, you because of some mental incapacity; you are still legally an adult able to make your own decisions. Meaning if you can find a way to stay where you like to live, receiving the assistance you need for daily living. Then staying where you are is acceptable.

Especially considering you mom is ill and caring for her grandchildren as well as caring for you. It is my belief if you were able to find a way to stay in Georgia then you would also be helping your mom by relieving her of having to care for you as well as her grandchildren.

Your cousin has offered to take you into her home and assist in caring for you. That is certainly one option open to you. Another option is some form of group home with assisted living if you qualify. The group home is closer to living on your own then living with a relative and something you may want to check into.

To live in a group home you need to contact your county or state social services department if you are not already receiving their services. If you are receiving services from this agency then talk to your caseworker and see if you qualify to live in a group home.

Here again not knowing the degree of disability you have it is hard to say what other services may be available to you. Things you could discuss with your caseworker are employment opportunities that may be available to you. Organizations such as Point of Lights, the Salvation Army, Goodwill and others specialize in employment opportunities for the disabled. The work is good honest work that may not pay much though it does supplement your disability income. This again depends on the type of disability you have and your capability to perform different tasks depending on your disability.

These are the things you should talk with your social service caseworker about. Being disabled does not mean you need to sit at home and vegetate. You can have a full and fruitful life geared to your abilities if you ask the right people for help.

It just may be you can live one your own with the right kind of social service help. This help is not charity. It is geared to help you become all you can be and be a productive, happy and fulfilled member of society. To find out just what is available to you, you need to make the first move and ask for help.

Can I take trigestrel if it expired in october and now its november

The date of expiration on drugs is a sell by date. This is the date that the manufacturer has found to be the extended shelf life of the drug to be at its full potency. After this date the drug starts to lose its potency and its effectiveness. Just how fast that is I can't say other than it is not like turning off a switch in that one day its good and the next its bad.

If you have any concerns ask your pharmacist. They would know if it is safe and for how long after the expiration the drug will be fully effective.

my period doenst come and hasnt come in almost 2years now and i noticed whenever i masterbate i start to bleed heavily and it doesnt last long is this normal? or is there something wrong with me? im worried becuase i dont want to chance sex and this happening and it being worse can someone help me understand this?

Not having a period in over two years is probably not normal. I say probably for there is a lot more to this and without other information it is hard to answer your question. Also I am not a doctor, none of us are. This question really needs to be asked of your Gynecologist, who can examine you and ask the right questions of you.

Some of the factors that go into menstrual cessation are:

Being underweight: If you are grossly underweight your body may not be able to support a menstrual cycle. This is one of the first signs of being grossly underweight for a women. Being grossly underweight is a life threatening condition. If you are more than 10 pounds underweight you need to see your doctor.

Excessive exercise: Have you ever noticed that female athletes do not look like they have matured properly. They seem to be flat chested and do not have the womanly bodies females of their ages should have. This is because of the way they exercise to excess. Puberty is stunted in them and they do not get their periods or their periods stop while they train.

Medications: Certain antibiotics will disrupt a woman's cycle but not for as long as yours have.

Excessive Stress: Is another factor affecting a woman's period.

Fact is not being a doctor and not knowing other factors about you I cannot even make an uneducated guess as to why your periods have stopped. It may be normal depending on your age. Then again it may not be.

The bleeding when you masturbate to my thinking should have nothing to do with your period. Most likely you have torn or scratched something inside of you.

For both of the reasons you write about you need to see a GYN. If you are under 14 you have no choice but to speak with mom or dad and have them make an appointment for you.

IF you are over 144 you, by a federal law called HIPPA, may make an see a doctor without parental permission for anything, this would include questions, concerning your reproductive system. Anything you say to the doctor or the doctor treats you for is totally confidential. Meaning no one may see these records without your written permission to the treating doctor. This includes anyone who exams and treats or speaks to you in a professional manner regarding reproductive health. All you need tell the doctor is you invoke your HIPPA rights.

The doctor and staff will take it from there. IF mom is with you she will be asked to wait in the waiting room as she can no longer be in the exam room with you without your consent.

Congress wrote this law this way so young people, both young women and young men, could seek medical treatment or consult with a doctor in total confidentiality. Your doctor cannot tell your parents what you said, asked or were treated for unless you give them written permission. In this way young people can be totally open with their doctor so that proper medical care can be rendered.

So go see a GYN and get proper answers for your question.

If by chance you do not have health insurance. Go to any hospital emergency room and you will be treated. There are programs that will cover the cost. You cannot be turned away. That is the law.

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. I have a job, where I've worked for over a year. Next door to my job is a shop, and the owner of the shop offered me a job. I accepted the offer, and therefore had 2 jobs. I only had the job at the shop for 2 days. This is why.

My first day, the manager of the shop ("Ashley") told me that she has been having sex with my manager at my other job ("Jake") in the back office of her shop. Jake just had his 3rd child with his wife. During the shift, she left me in the store alone for 20 minutes so that she could mess around with Jake in his car. During this time, a customer wanted to check out, and I did not know what I was doing. I had to call Ashley to come back in, and after she rang up the customer, she went back out to Jake's car. When she returned, it was time to lock the door and close the shop. She told me we would not do the regular closing duties because it was already 9:00pm.

My second day, I worked alone from 1-9pm. When I went in at 1, another associate told me that I get a 15 minute break, and to just lock the door to the shop and put a sign on the door saying "Be back in 15". So that's what I did.

I got a call from Ashley the next morning asking why I took a break, and told me that we don't take breaks and lock the shop during business hours. I told her that another associate told me otherwise. I was told that I was going to get written up. The day after that, I was called and told that I was terminated and that it was "out of her control, corporate just told her to."

I contacted corporate and explained that I was not trained properly due to Ashley leaving to mess around with a guy, and that she has had sex with him in the back office twice. I also told them that I was told to take a break by another associate. I explained that I should not be written up or fired for this.

My question is: am I wrong for doing this? The shop owner and I have gotten drinks before, and I don't want her to lose her job, but at the same time, I'm not going to let her or the business fire me for nothing.

Right or wrong what is done or done. If your allegations concerning Ashley are proven correct then it is a possibility she too could be terminated. Were you justified in doing so?

I believe you had every right to write and explain your side of the story. That you were following instructions of another associate. That Ashley had not taken the time to properly train you. Explaining why or what the reason behind Ashley not having the time to properly train you is where the problem lies.

In one sense your explanation is justified because what you're saying is; If Ashley was paying attention to business she would have been in the store to properly train you. Instead she was out back or in her office playing around with a married man. That may be exactly what it was but it also could be looked at as you trying to lay blame for your wrongdoing on the manger, a person they know and trust.

I cannot predict what the people above Ashley will do after they heard your explanation. I know how I would handle this but most managers would consider the subject closed and want to just move on.

If nothing else comes of this use the as a learning experience. Always check with your supervisor anything another worker tells you, unless of course the supervisor has said to do as that person tells you. You cannot always trust someone to tell you the truth especially when you are a new hire. Your presence in the store may have cut in to her overtime. Getting rid of you solves a problem for her.

When writing your resume you need not show this position on it. Fact is you were not employed long enough for it to be important. It was a 2nd job of a part time nature so there is no break in employment which will show on your resume.

The one thing you do need to worry about is Jake. If Ashley gets in trouble or terminated because of what you told her supervisors. Will Jake take retribution on you. Since this is quite possible you may want to head this one off at the pass by talking with his supervisor or talking to Jake. Whatever you do not threaten to tell Jakes wife he is having an affair. That would be legitimate grounds for him to terminate you, though telling his supervisors you know of his affair and are afraid of losing your job because of it would be okay to tell them.

it really annoys me to think of such things i understand that teenagers seem to do whatever they can to follow their peers as in talk about stupid things listen to stupid music watch stupid tv shows stupid movies read stupid books and hang out in clubs and get drunk all the time and even obsess about facebook twitter and their iphones and people in their early 20s still act that way too which is pretty stupid and sad do people in their mid 20s act more mature then teenagers and early 20 people i hope so becuase im gonna be in my mid 20s next year

WOW, that was one long sentence. You're talking about age which is really just a chronological number. What I think you mean is when do people act more mature and responsible; closer to what the maturity level of their age might be.

We all mature at different rates. Depending on our level of responsibility in life will depend on how fast we mature. Now this is not a hard and fast rule. Some of us will mature faster than others without the same responsibilities that might be needed for others to grow up and become adults.

I know it is a bit confusing on the surface. Take two men age 25. One is married, has a great job and has a new born child. Both have been to college. The other his best friend still lives at home with his parents, has a so, so job and no other responsibilities in life. Which one of the two is going to be more of the type of person you want or feel a 25 year old should act like.

It should in almost every instance be the married man with a new family. He has responsibilities beyond just himself. While the other is responsible for just himself. He can go out and party, get drunk and do all sorts of stupid things. Responsibility is the primary motivator behind when and how we mature.

There are many different motivators behind becoming more responsible. Mine was joining the military. Joining the military forced me to grow up in a hurry. Drill Instructors have a way of motivating you too.

Short answer to your question is that for the most part people mature at their own rate. In general terms that rate is generally in proportion to the responsibility they have.

I had headaches swollen boobs and nausea and felt fatigue and like I need to eat more anyways I had spotting then I was four days late for my period but I think I have my period now but it is unusual than any other times it is a lot lighter than usual

Could I possibly be Prego???

I really can't say, I'm not a doctor and it would take a medical exam or a home pregnancy test to find out for sure.

My best guess is you are not pregnant. Not if you are having your period; even if it is a few days late. Stress or worry about being pregnant can and does cause a problem with a woman's period. In fact stress of any type, not just concerns over being pregnant can cause a women to miss a period.

To put your mind at ease is when you period is over. Take a home pregnancy test. I'm about 99% sure it will be negative. The headaches, swollen boobs, nausea and feeling fatigued are most likely the result of stress over concerns of being pregnant.

I have an extremely difficult decision to make. Basically, I've struggled with moderate depression and anxiety for a couple years. I just started college, and it has all gotten much worse. I have begun to have extremely frequent anxiety attacks, I have lost weight (I am 5'5" and now weigh about 80 lbs.), and most of the time i cannot stand being here. I am really worried that my weight/anxiety/depression will only continue to get worse.

My problem is that I am almost halfway through the quarter (midterms are next week), and I feel like if I leave now then I will have wasted all this time, money, and energy when none of my grades/etc. will count.

My mom and other family members are extremely worried. My mom is ready to "pull the mom card" and make me leave for my health, which I honestly wouldn't mind because I am always dying to go home. I have been to the college counselor and doctor and they have not been much help, other than to say that yes my health is extremely poor and could be potentially life-threatening.

I know I should leave because my health and well-being is more important, I'm just having difficulties coming to terms with that. Does anyone have any advice on what to do or how to not regret leaving?

I am a freshman in my first quarter.

Time for a little grandfatherly advice and since I am of that age group I will offer you some.

I picked up on "potentially Life threatening health condition." Your health trumps and concern(s) over money. Staying to complete midterms, unless things have changed since I was in college, will mean nothing. You will still be withdrawing before completing the course.

This means when you are ready to return to school you will still have to complete the work you have already done as there is no credit to transfer. Even if you return to the same school it does not mean they will allow you to skip over this semester and join in the second semester. I do not see how that is possible for any college to do or allow.

The best thing to do is to withdraw from classes for health reasons now, today. Go home and get the medical help you need. Based on your frame size you are any where from 35 to as much as 75 pounds under weight.

This alone is a life threatening condition. When the body does not have what it needs to function it starts feeding off itself. This is when it starts burning your body fat. When it does not have enough body fat to burn the body will start shutting down different systems. Our body is designed to support the brain at all costs as the brain is the last system to be shut down and then you are dead.

At 80 pounds you are what I believe the doctors would classify as anorexic. If you are suffering problems such as kidney or liver these could be traced to your being grossly under weight. If you are suffering heart palpitations this too could be traced to not only anxiety but being grossly under weight.

Staying in school to take tests that will be meaningless and add to the stress and anxiety you suffer from as well as at the expense of your health is wrong. You need to go home. Get your health back. Find out why and what caused you to become so anxious that as to endanger your health so. Before you even think of going back to this school.

To stay up with your first two years of classes you can, when you are in better health, consider taking online course or going to a local community college while tending to your health problems under moms watchful eyes. It is the last two years of college as to when you must declare your major. Taking liberal arts classes at the local community college will cover most of the prerequisites for most majors.

In short go home, today. Get your health back then consider returning to school in some manner.

I'm thirteen and female, and I'm tired of living. I need a quick way to kill myself -- you know, a way that will work and won't get me in the hospital like last time.

Before you guys tell me to get help, I'm going to say that I already have gotten help. I have tried everything I can think of -- medication, therapy, going to the mental hospital -- but I still want my life to end. I have been depressed since I was ten and nothing has helped.

I have made plans to kill myself before, but none of them have worked. I once found a rope, tied it into a noose, and hid it in my closet, planning to use it later. But my mom found it and took it away. (She knows that I am suicidal.)
And when I tried slitting my throat, I just ended up in the emergency room for hours.
My mom has taken everything away that's sharp. I can't cut myself and I can't stab myself or anything.

So I'm out of ideas. Maybe I could try running out in front of a car, but I would probably end up in the emergency room again.

Please help. :(

You're not going to like this answer but you have come to the wrong place for the type of help you are asking for. We do no help people to hurt themselves. We help people solve problems and to want to live.

You have either not tried everything or you are not compliant with the help you are receiving if you are still trying to hurt yourself. Please don't tell me I'm wrong for there are many of us on this site who have been where you are and have both the physical and mental scars to prove it. Suicide is not the answer to whatever is bothering you. Your attempts, including writing to us is another way of asking for help or wanting attention. Both of which you know is based in the depression you suffer from.

Now if you want an ear to listen to you, an ear that has been where you are now then this is what we do. For as I said there are those of us on here, in many different age groups, who have been where you are now.

We have learned that whatever problems we have there are solutions for them if we will be open to the help we are receiving or seeking. Have you truly opened yourself to the help that you are getting? Have you told the doctors and therapist what is truly bothering you?

Understand one thing about the help being offered to you. EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO THE DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS IS CONFIDENTIAL. NOTHING GETS BACK TO YOUR PARENTS. It has to be this way for these people to help you. So whatever it is that is causing you to feel as you do you can tell them.

You can even write and tell me in a private message. The only people who would see what you write would be me and the webmaster. After you write whatever you have written and sent erase your browser history and no one will see what you wrote. Do the same after you read what I respond with when I respond.

Depending on what is at the root of your problem there are many different ways I can offer you help by suggesting places you can turn to for help.

Since you have not said what is bothering you I am going to take a stab in the dark and offer you two different places you can seek help from now. They will offer you help from two different ends of what I can think may be bothering you to this end. Both are hotlines where you can speak with people in absolute total confidentiality.

The first is "Kids Help Phone" for young people 20 and under. They specialize in helping with problems young people face today in school and at home and social problems. The number for the hotline is: 1-800-668-6868.

The other is an organization called "RAINN " which stands for; Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. As I said I'm taking a shot in the dark here though if you are being abused these people can help you. There is no reason anyone should put up with being abused be the abuser be a parent, relative or close family friend. The people of RAIN will help you with the proper things to do to stop the abuse and how to get help for yourself so you can get on with your life. There hotline number is: 1-800-656-HOPE.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>