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why r women so offish. cannot find love.
i am in my 60s & have always loved women. having been married once, (we were together 12 yrs), then married. do not drink, do drugs, or hang round those that do. have high regards for law enforcement, but have always gotten into trouble, younger. have led an interesting life, traveling all over U.S. for work, w/ex & other gals. I use to be so muscular, i looked scarry. have always loved life. just cannot figure out what i am doing wrong. last three gals turned out to be dopers and/or prostitutes. thank god i never caught anything. no matter how ard i try...nothing works. i am not very religious. am going to retire in 4 years. have a great place overlooking the water. i thought i was changing my past for the better. depression is a everyday thing off& on. really do not have nothing to look forward to. hate bars, & tired of confrontations. want to just dissapear. the only time i feel good is if i am spending money on someone or just spending money. what a boring / lonely life. Am sick of it.
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Your responce in effect confirms my thoughts. You yourself speak about being depressed. Not all people suffer from bipolar disorder as it is a serous mental illness. Prove me wrong by seeing a doctor and getting a proper diagnoses of what may be troubling you. Your rant makes no sense for a person of your age a stage in life.
By the way I'm past my 65 th birthday making me about your age.
I believe you are suffering from a form of depression that is clouding your perspective. One of the big problems with depression is that it does affect the way we see things. In your writing you write that you only feel good when spending money. While I am not a doctor, my wife works within the mental health field and I have spent many years as a first responder.
One of the symptoms of a form of depression called bipolar is spending money, lots of money, on things for no reason or need. I do not know if this is the reason behind your spending but it is a red flag considering you yourself say you are depressed.
There is a life after retirement provided you decide to join in. Depression and possible bipolar disorder could affect how you enjoy your retirement years if not properly treated. Properly treated there is no reason you cannot enjoy retirement and find companionship and even love.
You are probably saying I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Unfortunately I do for I have been there. I am now retired and suffered from depression. Please trust me enough to at least get yourself screened by your doctor. It is painless and you have nothing to lose and everything to gain from it in what I see in your letter is right.
Call your doctor and make an appointment for a complete physical. This is needed in any case to rule out any other possible causes for how you feel. Tell the doctor you feel depressed and the doctor will screen you. The screening is a series of questions. Also tell the doctor that spending money makes you feel better.
Then follow the doctors instructions and if I'm right in a few weeks the world will be a better place.
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I know little of your situation as to where you met the last three. I assume that other women you traveled US with while working were ok and its only the last three that were a problem.
One thing you need to realize is that as you get older, it is going to be harder to find a woman in your age bracket who wants a man for companionship, love, sex, marriage or all of that.
For many, it's a "been there done that" and don't want to repeat being in relationship with a guy cus either they had to raise their husband ike another child, all he wanted was a mommy or he played around on her all the time, or he was abusive. Women either have no trust, never got over it, or a few go looking to see if they can find something better later in life. I did. First marriage was abusive. I tried the social togethers for singles. Singles clubs where they organize hikes, dances, putt putt golf or whatever other activity for a group of singles to mingle. I was hunting for something specific so although many find someone that way, it was too slow and painful a process to go through. I went to on line sites which for women who are serious about meeting a guy, its a good way, not as easy for guys. But it does work. One day it can do is cut through lots of the crap. Someone can still fake things on line and in phone calls so if they seem promising, you meet at a coffee shop and if they don't pass tests there, you dont see them again. My profile said no drugs, no smoking and like guy to be the same. He had to be spiritual but not religious, open minded, have a high libido, enjoy taking good care of themselves but not to the exclusion of everything else important, and he had to be snipped, have a vasectomy as I was too close to menopause for drs to bother with operation for me, I couldn't be on pill, hormones were causing fibroids to grow and my best option was a man who could not get me pregnant cus I wanted sex and a condom wouldn't do. It was easy to screen out some people. Guys wrote who said I was too picky and shouldnt put the part about 'being snipped' that says the guy doesn't know how to love a girl enough to get that done for her if it was an issue. The vasectomy is cheaper and faster easier to recover from than for the female. Others said they did not smoke. They had a rough sounding voice and coughed alot on phone. I asked if they smoked, some admitted they did but they didn't think it would matter once i got to know them. Others said nothing until I met them face to face and smelled tobacco on them. Those who spoke in the negative as to what they wwere looking for were to be avoided cus they had a negative outlook on life already, had been jaded by past experience, never recovered, not a healthy choice to get mixed up with. What I mean by talking in the negative: I don't want women who lie, I don't want women who've let themselves go, I dont want women who are always suspicious and check up on me, the positive version would be I enjoy women who can be open and truthful, who care about their looks and stay in shape, I like a woman who is willing to work on trust, and is laid back and easy going.
See the difference. You basically have to become your own sleuth and sift through every word shared, try to get a feel for things. Look for times where the person contradicts themselves. Saying one statement one day, and changing it the next. I caught a guy like that. I did not accuse him, just said, in your profile you said you llike chinese food and today you said you'd like to take me out to dinner, anywhere but chinese cus you hate chinese food. You might want to double check what you wrote in your profile and change that. (it wasnt an issue of what food he liked or not, it was the fact he said two conflicting things. All he had to say was, well I made that up just to impress you cus you like it but i shouldn't have said that, i'm sorry. And that can be understood and forgiven. Or gee, I didn't realize I had that in there, thats not what I meant to say..or some other such explanation, nope...not this guy--he burst out in anger on the phone Are you saying I am lieing? I Have a right to change my mind if I want to and thats none of your business!! Okay...cross him off the list.
So either try the singles get togethers...people of all ages show up or look for groups especially for older people. Try meetup.com which is not a dating site but a way to meet people, make friends in a setting where you get together over a favorite hobby or subject, whether its playing board games, reiki healing, those who love gardening, etc... its a good way to make new friends and observe people for a while at meetings before you make a move to ask for a date.
Either that or try internet dating. It takes lots of time and will seem like a waste. I literally was contacted by hundreds of guys, I kept a rough count of how many wrote to me over time, after 600, i stopped counting. But I did find that one in a million who is exactly what I was looking for. We've been together 5 yrs.
I wish you luck. If you have any specific questions to ask, I'd be glad to try and help, just write and let me know.
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