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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Hello, I posted last week asking for advice on this matter. My boyfriend of two years and myself recently discovered I was pregnant. Him already having a daughter that I am helping raise. We both decided now was not the time for another child if we wanted to progress in life at the moment. Well I decided instead to go for surgical. The most physical and emotionally painful thing I have experienced in some time. Luckily he was by my side every minute. Afterwards I cried and cried for several hours. He went to sleep and I continued to cry. I feel extreme guilt and sorrow over this. Half of me pictured another sweet little girl like his with darkhair, fair skin, and a sweet smile. I didnt want his.little girl confused though as to why another child could call me.mommy but she couldn't. I still feel guilty and upset about it. It was very traumatizing. How do I let this go? Any woman or even men know any post abortion methods that helped relinquish their minds of guilt and sorrow in the slightest?
I remember your question and I believe I was one of the advisers that answered you. What are going through is normal. Even though what has happened was done for all the right reasons, you have suffered a traumatic loss. This was a special kind of trauma as your hormones were traumatized as well. You need time for your body to adjust to this shock and for you to morn and come to grips with the fact that what you did was the right thing.
Why was it the right thing? Because you and your boyfriend discussed it and came to the conclusion that for all the right reasons this is what needed to be done. Anyone that ells you differently is just plain ignorant and hurtful.
Given enough time these feeling you have to day will pass. You will learn to deal with it with the help of your boyfriend and your own inner strength. If you find you cannot get past this on your own there is no shame in asking a psychologist for help. I doubt you will need that type of help. I believe at the moment the trauma is still to fresh and that is what I'm seeing in your writing.
I did pick up on something I don't remember seeing in your first letter. That is "I didn't want his little girl confused though as to why another child could call me mommy but she couldn't." This is a problem you may one day have to face if you and your boyfriend decide to marry and have another child between you.
IF you marry you bf this child becomes your step daughter regardless of whether or not her biological mother is active in raising this child. IF this little girl is living with you and would want to call you mommy I see no reason to not let her. Just as long as it is her idea. You could also come up with some other form of mommy such as mommy2 or something to differentiate between you and her bio mom.
If this little girl asked to call you mommy either on her own or because another child came into the picture who could. That you letter. Not only is it a testament to the loving care you are giving her. It is also a statement of how comfortable and close she feels to you. To tell her she can't because you are not her real mom could be harm full. Finding a derivative she would be comfortable with such as my suggestion of mommy2 and explain why is a possible alternative.
I know you are felling lousy right now. This will pass. You need to grieve a bit. Allow yourself that time.
21/f
my boyfriend is from another country and he is here studying in the us for school. well, we've gotten very serious, and he told his parents about me & that he might end up staying here if things continue the way they are.
they are very upset with him, and have not spoken to him for almost 3 months. he has been very stressed about this and its affecting our relationship a bit, but mostly his schoolwork and mood.
i just don't know what to do. i'm not going to stop dating with him. but, i just want them to talk to him again. I don't want to become between him and his family, but i don't know.
any solutons? suggestions? ideas?
I understand how they feel of course, but it's not like we couldn't visit them etc.. i know its not the same.. but.
It would have helped if you had said what country he was from. While it is not terribly important to know this it is important to understand that his parents may be upset for two reasons.
The first of course is his decision to remain here. If he is from someplace like India and countries like it. Parents work hard to send their children to countries like ours to get good college educations. They are expected to return home and put those educations to work aiding their villages, country and their society as a whole. When children do not return home, there are many that do not, the parents lose face with the other villagers. Sometimes it is just a case of how to you get them back on the farm after they have seen city life.
The other problem could be one of possibility of his marrying out of his culture, nationality and faith all rolled up in one package. Once again in countries such as India, Pakistan and others to marry outside your culture is not acceptable. The females of the family have been know to be killed for doing so.
The preceding may be the problem or it may not. It may be they are just unhappy with his not returning home. The only thing I can think of for you to do to try and smooth things over is to write a very warm and loving letter to his parents.
This needs to be a letter not an email and it needs to be in your own hand writing not typed. The reason for this is a lot can be derived from your words and the actual writing of the letter. I've been doing this for a long time and I am able to gain some insight into questions from the words and structure of the writing. If the questions were hand written I believe I would gain even more insight into the questions. This is one reason I said knowing your BF nationality would help me answer your question as I might be able to give you a better answer as to why his family is upset with him.
After you have written your letter and given sufficient time for them to receive it and respond to you. You could if you feel you should call and talk with them. Of course depending how they respond and if they respond to your letter will determine if you should call them.
Unfortunately this is the best advice I can offer. Just assure them that you will love and care for their son. That you will see to it that you both travel to visit them and they will always be welcome in your home. That when the grandchildren arrive that they will be part of the children's lives and the grandchildren will be part of their lives.
Good luck I hope things work out.
i have asked a few questions on this site and some become popular and the rest i could not find not even browsing through the more results that are included on this website so what i am saying is that you should make them visible for me to see so that i can find them there was one i recently asked called When Will the Hunger Games Craze End so please answer this question and when you do please post me a link so that i can read the answers .
I remember this question. It came to me as a private question and not to the open forum. I did respond to you and I think I suggested you put it on the open forum.
As to finding your questions. If you are a registered user. On the left hand side of the page in the green column there is a heading REGISTERED USERS. Under the heading you will find; "Your Questions" & below it Your Feedback." Place your cursor over either one and right click to find your questions or our answers.
my wife wants us to have a bi boyfriend so we can have a three some and whatch me get off with a guy and in return is prepared to get naked with a girl and turn the tables, I find this quite interesting and am qurious to see what happens but canot find any sites online that accomadate this fun, can anyone help?
Try typing in something like "adult friend finder" into a search engine. It should return what you are looking for.
I would be remiss if I did not add the following. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality and should remain a fantasy. Many a marriage has failed over turning a fantasy such as this into a reality. It is quite a large step to take with your sex life to include a third or even another couple. One of you may think the other is having way too much fun with the third person and that is where the trouble begins.
Then there is the possibility that when it is time for the rubber to meet the road. One of you may have second thoughts about being naked in front of a total stranger and may call a halt at the last minute. This could foster some resentment in the other spouse.
I'm not saying it will though it has been known to happen. You really need to talk about this and make sure you are both going to be comfortable with being naked, having sex and watching your spouse have sex with a stranger. If either one of you have any reservations at all then you need to stop and find a way to get comfortable with that reservation.
For being naked with a stranger. I can recommend visiting a clothing optional resort. For the other problems I do not have any suggestions on how to overcome them.
how to commit suicide painlessly. I have nf n with my age 46 tumors r poppn up all over my body,they rgettn so bad that I am inbarressed to go out in public just want to end it n end my pain I have set a date n am now puttn things in order ,I have no family,am all alone so iam goin to do it when the the date arrives just need to get a few things in order,just want to no the best way so I don't end up a vegtable just want to do the job rite.
I know you're hurting but telling you how to end your life is not what we do here. I do not know what nf n is. IF the tumors are noncancerous. Then they are fibroid.
I have 5 or 6 fibroid tumors on me that are not painful. Since they cause no pain and they are relatively small and hidden under my clothing, although one is hidden in an eyebrow. My doctor and surgeons have elected to leave surgery as elective surgery. If they were to start mothering me or to start growing then surgery would be needed to remove them or the one or two that might be causing pain.
If I am wrong about the type of tumor and it is still a non cancerous tumor then surgery may be an option. I may have seen what you are talking about on one of the Discovery Channel medical shows I watch. If these tumors are on your face then a good plastic surgeon may be able to remove them or reduce them to the point you look more normal. IF they are of the type I am thinking of and the surgeon is unable to get the root of the tumor they may grow back and additional surgery is required.
You may be saying right now I can't afford the surgery, I don't have insurance or my insurance will not pay for it. To this I respond wait 2 months until the affordable care act kicks in. Under the affordable care act you cannot be turned down for insurance or be rated as a risk.
I would advise you to buy the best policy you can afford through your state exchange. The difference in the policies is not so much in what the cover medically but what how much they pay and what you pay in deductibles.
I'm sure your doctors can manage your pain for another 40 to 60 days while the affordable care act kicks in.
You may think you have no one to leave behind that cares. That's not true. I care as do the others on this site. If I didn't care I would not have taken the time to answer you. Go see a surgeon, Plastic or General surgeon. Take a friend with you who will listen to the doctors with you. Get the facts and let the doctors remedy your problem.
Will it be painful. Most surgeries do come with some amount of pain but far less than suicide for there is no painless way to kill oneself.
Hello everyone. I'm fourteen years old, a sophomore in high school, female, and bisexual, for your information.
I've been talking to this guy at my school a lot lately. He's two years older than me and a junior. I've been in classes with him for the last four years, but we've only been friends this year. He seems to really like me, at very least as a friend. We tease each other a lot, and he sometimes compliments me on things I say in class or my clothes. It sometimes seems like he looks for excuses to be around me. One of my other friends thinks he likes me. I really hope he likes me.
Today, he casually asked me if I wanted to go see the new Hunger Games movie on Friday. I accidentally told him I couldn't because I thought he was asking me if I was going to the midnight premiere, and I'm really frustrated at how stupid I act sometimes. I wish I'd told him I could go. I'm also really wondering whether he meant to ask me out on a date.
Dating questions are not really my thing as I'm old enough to be your grandfather. If things haven't changed since I was your age, you know back in the dark ages when you had to get off the couch to change the TV channel. I would say he probably was asking you on a date as going to the movies is something you do on a date.
The main reason I am answering you question is two things popped out at me while I read through it. First was your ages and second was your pronouncement that your bisexual
The second thing first. Announcing to the world that your bisexual is not a good idea. Are you truly are bisexual> I don't know what is probably more correct, given your age, is that you are experimenting with your sexuality. More on this is a bit.
Announcing to the world or as I call it labeling yourself as a bisexual can hurt you, even in this so called enlightened age we live in. Kids your age will not be sure just how they feel about it and may just decide your a homosexual,a lesbian. If they do you could be in serious bodily danger as well as being teased an harassed about what they believe a bisexual to be.
They will believe for now what their parent tell them. There are still many parents who are not liberal enough in their manner to accept a bisexual person as just another person. When you get to my age group there are very few who are like me and accepting of gays, lesbians and bisexuals.
As for experimenting with your sexuality. Many young people your age will experiment with sex and sexuality. The safest way to do this is with a member of your own sex. Both for boys and girls. While there is nothing wrong with being bisexual, once you get comfortable with you body and your sexuality, you may like those before you, may not want to continue to experiment with sex with your own sex. But if you have already labeled yourself bisexual it will be hard to remove that label. I would suggest that you give yourself another 2 to 3 years before you put a label on your sexuality. By that time you will know for sure who you are sexually.
Now to dating a 16 year old boy. The difference in ages between 14 and 16 chronologically is not huge. The difference in maturity and experience is huge. This is where a young woman can get into trouble dating someone outside her age group when she first starts to date for real.
The 16 year old should be or is far more experienced then you are in dating. He is looking for more than you may be prepared to give. I'm talking about sex. A famous line boys have is; "If you love me you will have sex with me." If a boy ever says this to you he does not love you he lusts for you. Young boys up through their early 20's confuse love and lust. They do not define love as you do. To them love and lust are synonymous.
Sex is to precious to intimate to be used to prove ones love for someone. Sex should be the result of a loving relationship. one with mutual respect and love for one another. I know it sounds old fashion but if your were to start having sexual intercourse at your age now, you will later in life not only regret it but also understand what I have just written.
I'm not your dad or grandfather. I'm a stranger who saw something in your writing that caused be to take a moment to offer you some advise. Advise is cheap. You can take it or leave. I hope you will take my advice as it is meant to keep you safe.
**Sorry, this is probably going to be gross**
19/f So, literally yesterday I took a shower before work, all was well. I woke up this morning around 5am to pee. I wipe after and feel something weird around my anus. At first I thought the toilet paper crumbled around there or something, so I wiped again, and it was still there. I felt down with my finger and there it was, a sack/lump-type thing right next to/below my anus. It's bigger and kinda loose. I felt more and there's a smaller bump right above too, only that one's smaller, more curricular, and RIGHT above the entrance. I was dazed and confused. I was totally fine yesterday. I was totally fine in the morning too, they aren't painful at all. Though when I kept feeling the bigger one, I got a bunch of clear pus on my fingers.
I've never had hemorrhoids before, so I'm quite confused. Do they normally show up that fast, or can they? Multiple? Can they be painless? I read up on the causes this morning, and it kinda makes sense that I would have them, but still. So quickly? And I always hear about how merciless they are in the pain department, but no pain, no blood in my stool. I told my mom, and she's a bit confused too, but she's just assuming they're hemorrhoids and is getting me some cream today. But I for one am concerned. XD
Any advice/help would be enormouslyyy appreciated.
Is it possible you have Hemorrhoids? Yes, should you be concerned? That is a yes and no answer. Since you are concerned then seeing a doctor is the best thing to do.
It is not necessary to have hemorrhoids removed and most doctors do not suggest it unless they cause problems. Those problems would include trouble with bowel movements and bleeding, without having a bowel movement. Bleeding after a bowel movement is or could be normal and usually is only a little.
Hemorrhoids are almost never cancerous or infected. It is best though to have them checked by your doctor when they first appear. Then the doctor will keep a check on them during your annual physical.
Hey, 19, female, cashier. There is this guy that I work with who is above me so whenever I have a problem or whatever, he is the one that comes to me. I've realized that he is quite friendly with a lot of the other women cashiers but when he's around me, he's very soft spoken. He does his job when I need him and call him over, he is just very quiet when he does. The most recent time I called him over, he came over, did his thing and while he waited for the customer to do their thing, he opened all of my bags for me and put the remaining bags in the customer's cart. I do call him over quite a bit as I am new and have quite a bit of questions but he never acts the way he does around me when he's around other cashiers. He'll go over, put his keys in the system and punch his numbers in and then leave. I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this if he likes me or not because I quite might fancy him.
It could be as Dragonflymagic says; that he is staying around you to be supportive as you are new. Or it could be that he is quite taken with you too and since he is your supervisor it would be improper for him to come on to you. By staying with you and doing things that he is not doing for other cashiers it just might be his way of showing you his interest in you without being overly forward. He could be waiting for you to make a move that would allow him to be more open with his feelings.
What I might suggest is you ask him if he could schedule your breaks together as you would like to talk with him and get to know him. You could also as if he is available to meet after work for coffee or pizza. The first is easier as there is no commitment on either of you. Just two co-workers taking a break together. The second is harder for then there is a bit of a commitment on both of you beyond that of co-workers.
I would not go so far as meeting after work as being a date. But it could be a close 2nd cousin to a date and could lead to a relationship if the two of you hit it off outside of work. The danger here is if you do have a relationship or start one and then it as some do fails. He will still be your supervisor.
Back ground.. im 8 months pregnant and baby mama #3, BF and I used to date when we were 20 but he cheated on me with some chick so we broke up, like almost 2 years ago I find him at a prison work release up the road, he tells me hes not with anyone, he leaves work release, spends 4 days at my house then goes back to prison, I have his cell phone, find a contact in it named wifey, call her, its baby mama#2, she says shes sick of him cheating on her, that I can keep him, I write him in prison, toward the end im feeling nervous about him moving right in, my ex husband and I had a discussion about it, we ended up getting drunk and slept together, I freak out and call BF mother and told her what happened, told her I didnt think he should move right in, BF said he can forgive me and moved in, we got pregnant - As if thats not enough, BF mom just invited us to Thanksgiving at her house, I explained that babymama #2 was going to be there and makes it very uncomfortable for me so she said shell just have us over for an hour not the whole day, BF's mom proceeds to tell me #2 is like her own daughter, #2 even lives in a rental property of hers and all, which is probably why theres no communication between me and BF's mom, What should I do?
This story is a bit outside bit realm. I would suggest that in the spirit of the holiday an up comming holiday season you go have diner. If thing get awkward you can leave early.
recently a new saga called the Hunger Games got popular and everyone is becoming obsessed with it and the next Hunger Games film is coming out and i really dont want to see it and im glad that the Twilight craze is over and that there will be nomore Twilight movies or books coming out so what is the last book in the Hunger Games saga the sooner i know the better
I'm sorry I'm not into the hunger games. You might get an answer by putting this question on the general board. I'm sure there is one or more advisors who are into the Hunger games saga.
I'm a 14 year old girl. I've always been insecure of my weight so I was just wondering if I am over weight. I am about 5'4 or 5'5 and I weigh 165. Is that over weight?
As a general rule your weight is based on your frame size. For your height I have listed the weight ranges for the different frame sizes below. These are of course average ranges from a chart I found on the web that I use to answer these type questions.
The best person to answer your question is of course is your family doctor or pediatrician. These are the people that know you best from a medical stand point. They would be able to test your BMI and find your total Body Fat Index. This is the truest form of whether or not your weight is a problem. If you exercise regularly, muscles will add more weight then body fat. So regardless of your frame size if you're muscular you may not be truly overweight.
If your school system is like ours and requires a yearly physical for each student returning to in the fall. I would think if after your physical your doctor felt you were over weight the doctor would have said something to you and your mom.
If you have not had a yearly physical and you have not had a physical and are now menstruating. You should have one including your first annual women's exam by a GYN. Either your family doctor or the GYN can tell you if your over weight.
5'5"
Small Frame
117-130
Medium Frame
127-141
Large Frame
137-155
If I eat healthy, drink water and work out an hour everyday can I lose 80 pounds by June/July?
Yes if you start today and you average 3 pounds a week you can lose 90 pounds by July 1. I would suggest that you get a complete physical before you start dieting and that you have your doctor supervise your dieting.
While losing 3 pounds a week is well within the guidelines and not considered a crash diet. Losing that much weight is going to have its affect on your body. Because of this it not only a good thing it is the proper thing to do having your doctor monitor your weight loss.
I have not used the pill before and I would like to know if I can take it, even though I have missed my period. I am certain that I am not pregnant. I have been stressing a lot. Will it help induce my period? if so, when do I take it? And when should I expect my period?
This is one of those questions that needs a medical answer from a medical doctor. Since none of us are doctors we cannot and should not answer this question.
If you are thinking of taking someone else medication or the plan B pill my advice is not to without first consulting a doctor; preferably a GYN. Medication prescribed for someone else is based on their doctors knowledge of their physiology. You and they may be very much alike in shape and appearance though your physiology may be very different. Taking their medication can be very harmful, even life threatening, if you do.
The plan B pill has only been know to be effective in preventing pregnancy for up to 7 days after intercourse. I do not know what would happen if you took it for other reasons.
Missing a period is not always the result of pregnancy. In fact the number 1 reason is stress. Stress in all women young and old will cause a missed period. Another reason is infection and another could be the taking of different medications.
So my advice is to see a GYN.
I am a 23 year old female. My boyfriend of over 4 years broke up with me over a week ago. I am beside myself upset.. I would to cook, clean, do laundry, take out his dog, feed his dog, got him a job, made him lunch everyday, even paid for our dinner or drinks sometimes.. the whole 9 yards..
He broke up with me because he said that it was unfair to me that I did everything, and he wasn't fully in on our relationship anymore. This came out of no where for me which is why I think I am so upset..
He has been involved with drugs, and really bad crowds as well so I think it's probably a good thing this happened, because I was able to get out while I still could.. but the pain is severe.
What I really need is someone who doesn't know me, my boyfriend or anything else about our situation.. to try and help me with advice, through this time..
All I want is for him to give a damn about me, and to be upset over this, I mean 4 years is a long time.. and I feel like I'm the only one upset..
Please, somebody give me advice or tell me what I should do.. I know if I ask if it's worth it to try for it again, it's probably gonna be a bad thing.. and I know I'm young, but it doesn't help how I feel..
I think you said it best when you said,"I was able to get out while I still could." It would appear from what you wrote that he chose drugs over you. Being involved in drugs is a bad choice to begin with for him. Maybe he realized this, maybe he didn't. If he did realize this maybe he loved you just enough to leave you before he dragged you into his world where you could get hurt. Something to think about.
When anyone is in a relationship for as long as you have been, even if the other person is not fully committed as he may not have been. It is going to hurt when the relationship ends. Breaking up a long term relationship is almost like ending a marriage. You want reason, you tend to blame yourself for the failure. From what you have written blaming yourself is self-defeating as you have no reason to blame yourself for this breakup. You did everything a person could do to make him a better person. Still in the end he chose drugs over you.
There is really nothing more you can do. He has to hit bottom before he will accept any more help from you. Everyone has there own bottom, only he will know what that is when he gets there.
If you want to no more about the why of him and why he does drugs or what you could do. Then I recommend going to Al Anon meetings. These are group self help meeting like Alcoholic Anonymous though they are for the friends and relatives of the addicts. The following URL will take you to a locator website to find meetings in your area. Attending some meetings may help you understand him better. It may help ease the pain you have as well. http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings
Most of all don't blame yourself for the blame for this rest entirely on him. Since he was into drugs I would suggest that you see your doctor for a complete physical to include testing for STDS and HIV/AIDS. As he is a drug user it is best you take this precaution even if you have no signs of any STDS. Condom usage prevents the transfer of many but not all STDS but is effective against HIV/AIDS.
alright so i know this question might be a little immasure and a little dumb, but i always get this feeling that im pregnant, i get scared, nervous and stress... it has happens a lot and im honestly tired. so yesterday i was over my boyfriends house and we were making out, things got a little bit hot and he had an erection, he got on top on me and his penis was touching my vagina for an amount of 10-15 seconds the most (maybe less) of course i was wearing clothe, he was wearing boxers and jean like pants, just a tiny bit thinner than jeans, like school pants. and i was wearing leggings, shorts(n0t jean shorts)incase my leggings were to thin so my underwear wont show and my underwear. i know about pre-cum and that it comes out, and that you cant get pregnant if sperm makes direct contact with virginal fluid and penetration. anyways i decided to touch his pants and i felt a cold spot, i checked and it appeared to be something like a small drop of water but then there was nothing there.then he decided to check his boxers and there was nothing there, when he pulled the skin of his private part back, a clear thing came out(pre`cum)of his penis.(the whole. not the side of his penis) but only when he was pulling it back(it happen twice.... I've been told not sure of its right, the whiter your semen is the more sperm it contains........ well is it possible that i can get pregnant with clothe on, and can you please give me advice on how i can stop this thought.( please dont say yes just to get me scare or just to say it, theres people who do that) its really sad how this issue takes a huge amount of my life, and im going cray if i keep stressing it.
While anything is possible it is highly unlikely that a sperm could swim through all that clothing and reach your vagina and still make the swim to impregnate you if you were fertile. What you are feeling is stress over the possibility.
If you continue to stress out over this I can almost guarantee you will miss your period. Stress is the number 1 reason women miss their periods, both teenagers and adult women, followed of course by being pregnant. Most girls like you though miss their periods do to stress more than being pregnant.
I should tell you to stop whatever it is you and your BF are doing. I won't as it would be hypocritical of almost all adult to say that as we were young once ourselves. In the future if your BF and you are going to continue to dry hump, which is what you are doing, then make sure he keeps his penis on your leg well down on your thigh away from your vagina.
While it is about impossible for sperm to swim through the amount of clothing you two had on; the next time you may have less clothing on. If you follow my advice and he does ejaculate or emit some precum it is on your thigh well away from your vagina.
I feel so quilty saying this, because God might be mad that I am questioning him, but im so scared. I never touch the Bible but I should. And when I hear a voice in my head I think its just my imagination. Im scared of dying, cause its just so scary. I know its part of life, but there is so many things out there that can kill you, it makes no sense. I wish I could ask what happens when you die, but I can,t. I ask and pray for God to show me something like they do in the Bible but nothing happens. The stuff in the bible is so awesome, but none of that stuff has happend. Im just so scared. Please tell me what you know.
Let me start by saying that your question is of the type a grandparent might answer if asked. Since I am of that age I will answer as I would if one of my grandchildren asked this question of me.
First I would tell you to relax your normal. You are 13 it is at this age that young people truly start to question themselves and things.
Is there a god? I would say that depends on your definition and religious background. I and my family are not very religious though we do believe in a higher power. For lack of another term we call that power GOD.
The Bible is a wonderful book. It also can be viewed as a compilation of many stories, or folk law. A historical writing of the past. Each of the recognized religions on earth have their own version of the bible. There's Curran, the Book of David and the King James version to name just 3. One might think if the Bible were the word of God there would be only one version; not many versions to meet the different religions. Still whichever version you follow it is a great book to live by.
Being scared of dying. You cannot go through life being scared of your shadow. Yes there are something's you can do or shouldn't do to keep yourself from dying before your time. Still some of us will die young and some of us will die old and frail.
You should live your life as you are meant to. We each take a certain amount of calculate risk in life. Be it in business or for fun. What we should not do is live in fear of risk for fear itself can be your undoing. So enjoy life for you only get one chance at life, as far as we know, so live life to the fullest you can.
Right now your role in life is secured by the security your parents provide. Your are meant to enjoy teenage life. To do things teenagers do which also prepares you to become an adult and enter society as contributing member of society.
Part of being a teenager is of course honoring your parents, getting good grades in school and completing your education for the field you wish to follow in life. This would mean going on to college or a proper school to learn your trade.
I will go so far as to tell you that your parents and grandparents are there to support you in every sense of the word. They have the knowledge you need when you need it. There is nothing that should be too embarrassing that you cannot go to one of them and ask about and that includes sex and your sexual reproductive system. It is best to ask from someone who knows then from someone who like you is trying to find out.
Your mom, grandmother, Aunt and possibly older sister are the best sources for information on how your body works. After all they have bodies that work just like yours.
Being scared to ask a question or to do something you think is okay to do is not only non productive it is self-defeating. That is no way to live a life. IK realize this is easy to say and harder to do. If this becomes a real problem than ask your parents to find a psychologist who can help you get to the real cause which I will assume has deeper roots than what we are talking about here.
I feel like there's something wrong with me.
I'm 20/female and twice now I've had best friends just stop talking to me without warning and I don't get it. I'm a great friend to people. I listen, I genuinely care, I keep my promises, I help then when they need it even when they don't ask...
But it's happened to me twice now where I've parted ways with friends (one went to a new state while I moved away for college and was separated from the other one.)
And when they stop talking to me it's just all of the sudden. They just stop responding to my texts, my calls... and after a while and I text and ask why they are doing this... they did not respond to that either.
I just feel like it's so childish to say you love someone and promise your friendship forever and just randomly start ignoring them without even giving them an explanation to help their heart...
I still remember the last thing both said to me too. One was "I love you" while the other was "I feel like we're going to be good friends for a long time." One a guy, one a girl. It's been two years since I've talked to one and one year since the other.
Every two months or so I'll text them and just ask them to tell me what happened or if I did something wrong and they won't even reply to that. And I thought they were good people...
Has this ever happened to anyone else? How do you move on without closure? Without knowing what happened? They both happened after the person got into a new relationship but that can't be all...
I'm scared to form new friendships because of this...
In both instances that you wrote about what I see is a time and distance situation. Separation is suppose to make the heart grow founder. In reality it does not always work. Things change and people change.
I remember when I was your age. Most of my friends went off to college. I went off to the Military so I could earn college credit as I could not afford to go to college any other way. When I first left my friends wrote to me regularly. Then I came home on leave. There was a war going on, the Viet Nam war, and they had not yet started college. Things were okay but not as they were something had changed. My next leave was at New Years and my friends still welcomed me home but they were different and they had not written as often. I had chalked their not writing up to the pressure of school.
On my last leave before being shipped to an overseas assignment all but one of my friends had anytime to spend with me. The others were to busy. One of my former friends came right out and said she didn't have time for a baby killer. I was in the air force; I fixed planes none of the planes I worked on ever dropped a bomb in the war zone. They couldn't they were nuclear capable only and she knew this. Overseas I worked on transport planes. I made sure the wounded got to hospitals and the dead got home for burial as well as supplies got to destination. I never fired a gun in anger. But I wore a uniform.
What I'm trying to say is people change based on time and place. Had I not gone off to the military at the time I did. The kids I grew up with and I would most likely still be friends. My son joined the National Guard during the first Iraq war. Unlike me every time he put on his uniform people came up to thank him. Different time, different war, different people.
You've done nothing wrong. The problem is with them; your not there for them to see and touch. Are they being rude for not answering your emails? Yes and there is no excuse for rudeness.
You have two choices. You can continue to try and contact them or you can give up. A third choice is what I do. Every year around the holidays I send out a Holiday letter letting them know what has gone on in my life over the past year. Nothing ever comes of it, even when I wrote about my wife having breast cancer. She is fine now and come March will be 5 years cancer free. One thing they will never be able to say though is; "That I haven't tried to stay in touch even though we occupy almost 4 corners of the country. Its not hard to do these days with email and social media
I m few weeks pregnant I m confused and over stress. Actually I smoked.and I can't quit in fact don't want to.I smoked 6 to 7 cigs a day.is it ok.? What I think if I'll quit bill be more depress and have more anxiety. My diet is good .help me please.
None of us, that I'm aware of, on this site are doctors or psychologists. Even if we were it would be wrong of us to dispense medical advise as we would not be your doctor.
If you are looking for a medical opinion. The best place for that is either you family doctor or your OB/GYN.
I'm not a doctor so I cannot give you any medical advice on this subject. I do agree with you that the less stress you have the better it will be for the baby. If quitting smoking will add to your stress then maybe it is better you not quit.
The fact that you only smoke 6 to 7 cigarettes a day says to me that you are more of a social or office smoker or someone that might enjoy a smoke after meals. If you were a 3 pack a day smoker I could better understand it being hard to quit.
The science behind not smoking or drinking for that matter is fairly good. It is much better for both you and the baby if you didn't. Being what I will call a social smoker I would think if you used the taper off method to stop smoking you could do so quite easily.
The taper off method is easy to do. You smoke a maximum of 7 a day. So tomorrow you a lot yourself 6 and for the next few day that's all you smoke is six a day. Then you cut back to 5 then again to 4 until you get to 0. Yes there will be times you crave a smoke to relieve stress. Have one or two if you need one. But do not have one the next day just because you had one the day before. The same with a glass of wine; stay away from beer or alcohol.
As I said to start these are just my feelings. There is no medicine behind what I am thinking or suggesting. Just that I know it is better for you and the baby that the less you smoke and drink the better off you both will be.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. I wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and healthy baby.
is it bad to have sex with ur broher..
It is not only bad it is illegal in all states and all western countries of the world.
I'm in my first semester at college. My mom is a single mom, and we've always been close. She's highly introverted (also possibly Asperger's according to my aunt), and I'd say she depends on me a lot, because she doesn't have any close friends . I've never been able to draw boundaries with her in our relationship- she always has to have her way. Up until now, I've respected that because she's my parent and had the authority.
Since I've started college though, my mom has been visiting me 1-3 times per week at my college dorm. She says she's bringing me food. I have an intestinal disorder, so extra food is nice. However, I don't need the food because my college cafeteria is preparing my restricted diet meals. I've told her again and again that I appreciate the food but I don't want or need anymore. I tell her I can only see her once a week. She nods and smiles, and then turns up a few days later with more food. On top of that, she calls and/or emails everyday and wants to know what I'm doing.
Today, I got really angry at her when she showed up with a bag of bagels. She acted all hurt and left without saying anything.
Usually at this point, I would call her and try to make her feel better. But I feel this situation is ridiculous. How often should I let her visit me? What's reasonable? What would you do if you were in my situation?
I'm not so sure about your mother suffering from Asperger's. Mostly because you have not given enough information to make that determination and what you have given does not truly fit the nature of the illness.
What I am more comfortable with believing is mom is suffering from empty nest syndrome. Not a true diagnostic term but just as real. The fact that you two have always been close and possibly she has been somewhat codependent on you makes me believe this is more the problem. She uses your intestinal disorder as an excuse to come visit and she brings food as justification of her visit.
Now how do you handle this problem?
You could try logic. I'm sure her multiple visits are disruptive to your schedule which would include time you need to study and prepare for the next days classes. If I am right or even close to being right, and I understand the need for the social aspects of college life as well. Then you might explain this to her.
You start by saying; Mom I love you and I do value spending time with you." "But your visits so many times a week are hurting me academically." "The time you are spending with me while it is nice takes time away from study time I need. Time I need to also prepare for my classes the next day." "College is so much harder than high school and I need to join study groups if I am going to get the grades I want." "I can't do this if I am entertaining you three times a week." You can go on to assure her that the cafeteria is making meals you can eat based on your dietary needs so there is no need for her to bring food up every other day.
If logic doesn't work and I am correct about empty nest syndrome. Then you are between a rock and a hard place. Mom is lonely and misses not having you at home. You need to find her something to occupy her time. You might try talking with your Aunt to see if between you if you can't find something, Church groups or some hobby she might enjoy to get her active in.
I know just as much as you want you freedom of time and space, you also do not want to hurt your mom by telling her your a big girl now and don't need her help anymore. Though it may come down to that or something very close to it; or put up with mom popping in when the mood strikes her.
As for calling you. I assume she call your cell phone. Tell her that during the day when your in class she cannot call unless she is deathly ill or the house is on fire. You cannot take calls while you in class so limit her calls to a specific time in the evening. This is something you have every right to make her accept considering if she does call during class consistently you could be ejected from the class.