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I had an abortion and now I feel horrible.
Hello, I posted last week asking for advice on this matter. My boyfriend of two years and myself recently discovered I was pregnant. Him already having a daughter that I am helping raise. We both decided now was not the time for another child if we wanted to progress in life at the moment. Well I decided instead to go for surgical. The most physical and emotionally painful thing I have experienced in some time. Luckily he was by my side every minute. Afterwards I cried and cried for several hours. He went to sleep and I continued to cry. I feel extreme guilt and sorrow over this. Half of me pictured another sweet little girl like his with darkhair, fair skin, and a sweet smile. I didnt want his.little girl confused though as to why another child could call me.mommy but she couldn't. I still feel guilty and upset about it. It was very traumatizing. How do I let this go? Any woman or even men know any post abortion methods that helped relinquish their minds of guilt and sorrow in the slightest?
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You know what dear? I went through the same thing, but many years ago and for similar reasons. I felt so guilty too.
We both know that event will never be forgotten. But the hurt and guilt does get better with time. You know what helped me the most? When I was ready, I volunteered working with children who were in need of kindness and it helped. Another thing that helped was an understanding partner. I hope this helps you.
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I remember your question and I believe I was one of the advisers that answered you. What are going through is normal. Even though what has happened was done for all the right reasons, you have suffered a traumatic loss. This was a special kind of trauma as your hormones were traumatized as well. You need time for your body to adjust to this shock and for you to morn and come to grips with the fact that what you did was the right thing.
Why was it the right thing? Because you and your boyfriend discussed it and came to the conclusion that for all the right reasons this is what needed to be done. Anyone that ells you differently is just plain ignorant and hurtful.
Given enough time these feeling you have to day will pass. You will learn to deal with it with the help of your boyfriend and your own inner strength. If you find you cannot get past this on your own there is no shame in asking a psychologist for help. I doubt you will need that type of help. I believe at the moment the trauma is still to fresh and that is what I'm seeing in your writing.
I did pick up on something I don't remember seeing in your first letter. That is "I didn't want his little girl confused though as to why another child could call me mommy but she couldn't." This is a problem you may one day have to face if you and your boyfriend decide to marry and have another child between you.
IF you marry you bf this child becomes your step daughter regardless of whether or not her biological mother is active in raising this child. IF this little girl is living with you and would want to call you mommy I see no reason to not let her. Just as long as it is her idea. You could also come up with some other form of mommy such as mommy2 or something to differentiate between you and her bio mom.
If this little girl asked to call you mommy either on her own or because another child came into the picture who could. That you letter. Not only is it a testament to the loving care you are giving her. It is also a statement of how comfortable and close she feels to you. To tell her she can't because you are not her real mom could be harm full. Finding a derivative she would be comfortable with such as my suggestion of mommy2 and explain why is a possible alternative.
I know you are felling lousy right now. This will pass. You need to grieve a bit. Allow yourself that time.
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I am no professional but first thing that comes to mind is that it is important to go through the grieving process, grieving the loss even though you made the decision for abortion. In ways, this is much like post traumatic stress that people with PTSD go through and specialized counseling helps some. So whether its counselling for grief, guilt, post traumatic stress, i think being able to talk to a professional would be helpful.
I have read many new age, metaphysical books about the soul and past lives and have also come across books where theres not just one account but many of people who recall their time spent in between the last two lives. This would mean needing to believe in reincarnation. If you don't i understand and you can stop reading further at this point.
In all accounts told, while these people were hypnotized, they recalled reviewing the past life, deciding what they wanted to work on next to either learn or experience. Some choices given are whether to be male, female and the circumstances under which the person would be born into. And once decided, the soul joins the fetus in-utero or comes in shortly before birth time. And it is already known whether the babys life would be short so a soul is there only a little while. So my conclusions from what I've read is that so much is known ahead, then a soul doesnt choose or isn't given as a choice a couple or a woman who is going to abort the baby. I believe in most cases the soul doesnt bother to waste time going in to reside in a fetus that will be aborted. A baby is dependant on the mother for life while inside her. Without a soul, once born, the baby will be dead without a soul. I believe that still born babies are ones where the soul changed their mind at the last minute and there wasn't enough time to choose another soul to take that life. I don't know if it makes you feel better knowing there was likely no soul involved. Its still hard to grasp that we have these choices but God sees into the future and already knows what we will do and so even the birth of or abortion of a baby is known in advance. So as far as feeling guilty that God may be angry with you..I dont think so. I believe if you can look at the abortion as perhaps the very thing your soul wanted for one thing to experience in this life, the heart ache, guilt,doubt... God is all for the experiences that will help your soul grow so the abortion is just one of those things.And if by some slight chance, a soul had decided to enter baby early on, they already knew they would never get a chance to live this life, that what they were doing was for you, to support and be a leading role in your souls learning experience. If you can look at it this way some day once you've gone through counseling, then in your prayers, send a thank you to the soul who was there to be a part of your sorrowful experience.
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