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Did he ask me out on a date, or just as friends?
Hello everyone. I'm fourteen years old, a sophomore in high school, female, and bisexual, for your information.
I've been talking to this guy at my school a lot lately. He's two years older than me and a junior. I've been in classes with him for the last four years, but we've only been friends this year. He seems to really like me, at very least as a friend. We tease each other a lot, and he sometimes compliments me on things I say in class or my clothes. It sometimes seems like he looks for excuses to be around me. One of my other friends thinks he likes me. I really hope he likes me.
Today, he casually asked me if I wanted to go see the new Hunger Games movie on Friday. I accidentally told him I couldn't because I thought he was asking me if I was going to the midnight premiere, and I'm really frustrated at how stupid I act sometimes. I wish I'd told him I could go. I'm also really wondering whether he meant to ask me out on a date.
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Adviceman is deeply incorrect, and probably unintentionally, very discriminatory in the way he handled your report of you sexual orientation.
Be honest, be respectful and be out.
Being 'out' in any way that isn't part of the sexual majority, be that bisexual, gay, transexual, transvestite, pansexual, asexual, is the MOST IMPORTANT political statement you can make against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, identity and activity.
Maybe you wont always identify as bisexual! Some people don't. I know people who identified as bi or lesbian in high school and college, and now don't. I also know people who identified a straight until their 30s, and now don't. Maybe you'll change your mind, learn more about yourself and your desires, and choose different, more accurate labels. Does that mean you are lying today when you call yourself a bisexual? Absolutely not. It means you are human being.
No sane person says you can't love pop music today, just because you might love reggae tomorrow.
When people say you are 'just experimenting' tell them they damn fucking right you are experimenting, and you have the right to experiment with your own identity and your own body, and that you have told them the most true thing you can at this point in time. If they can't respect that, if they need to put you down because they don't 'believe you are really bisexual' or that 'you are sure' or you don't pass whatever fucking test they have decided makes you really a bisexual, or really any other thing, then they can take their bigotry and disrespect and get out of your life.
You don't have to know for sure, not when you are 14 and not when you are 25 and not when you are 80. Pick the label that is the most true for you, speak with honesty and respect to others. Be safe and be kind. Tell those who cannot accept your honesty, or can't respect you, to fuck off.
Sex absolutely can be dangerous, but the only thing that is dangerous about acknowledging your own sexual identity publicly, is other people's intolerance and bigotry.
Anyways, as for the guy. It's hard to say. He might have been trying to arrange a date-like situation, where you could both try hanging out one-on-one without the added pressure of calling it a date. Although there is no knowing for sure, that seems the most likely situation to me.
There is certainly some concern over dating someone two years older than you when you are fourteen. He is likely to have different level of experience and different expectations from a relationship. That is something you need to be aware of and cautious of, but there are very, very few states where you'd be tripping over any laws to date him.
So, for now relax a bit. If you don't change your attitude towards him, he's more likely to assume that you really couldn't go, not that you had rejected him. You could also follow up with your own invitation, if you were comfortable, or invite him along with a group of your friends. What happened is certainly a bit frustrating, but it's not reason to get discouraged.
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Dating questions are not really my thing as I'm old enough to be your grandfather. If things haven't changed since I was your age, you know back in the dark ages when you had to get off the couch to change the TV channel. I would say he probably was asking you on a date as going to the movies is something you do on a date.
The main reason I am answering you question is two things popped out at me while I read through it. First was your ages and second was your pronouncement that your bisexual
The second thing first. Announcing to the world that your bisexual is not a good idea. Are you truly are bisexual> I don't know what is probably more correct, given your age, is that you are experimenting with your sexuality. More on this is a bit.
Announcing to the world or as I call it labeling yourself as a bisexual can hurt you, even in this so called enlightened age we live in. Kids your age will not be sure just how they feel about it and may just decide your a homosexual,a lesbian. If they do you could be in serious bodily danger as well as being teased an harassed about what they believe a bisexual to be.
They will believe for now what their parent tell them. There are still many parents who are not liberal enough in their manner to accept a bisexual person as just another person. When you get to my age group there are very few who are like me and accepting of gays, lesbians and bisexuals.
As for experimenting with your sexuality. Many young people your age will experiment with sex and sexuality. The safest way to do this is with a member of your own sex. Both for boys and girls. While there is nothing wrong with being bisexual, once you get comfortable with you body and your sexuality, you may like those before you, may not want to continue to experiment with sex with your own sex. But if you have already labeled yourself bisexual it will be hard to remove that label. I would suggest that you give yourself another 2 to 3 years before you put a label on your sexuality. By that time you will know for sure who you are sexually.
Now to dating a 16 year old boy. The difference in ages between 14 and 16 chronologically is not huge. The difference in maturity and experience is huge. This is where a young woman can get into trouble dating someone outside her age group when she first starts to date for real.
The 16 year old should be or is far more experienced then you are in dating. He is looking for more than you may be prepared to give. I'm talking about sex. A famous line boys have is; "If you love me you will have sex with me." If a boy ever says this to you he does not love you he lusts for you. Young boys up through their early 20's confuse love and lust. They do not define love as you do. To them love and lust are synonymous.
Sex is to precious to intimate to be used to prove ones love for someone. Sex should be the result of a loving relationship. one with mutual respect and love for one another. I know it sounds old fashion but if your were to start having sexual intercourse at your age now, you will later in life not only regret it but also understand what I have just written.
I'm not your dad or grandfather. I'm a stranger who saw something in your writing that caused be to take a moment to offer you some advise. Advise is cheap. You can take it or leave. I hope you will take my advice as it is meant to keep you safe.
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