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family doesn't approve
21/f
my boyfriend is from another country and he is here studying in the us for school. well, we've gotten very serious, and he told his parents about me & that he might end up staying here if things continue the way they are.
they are very upset with him, and have not spoken to him for almost 3 months. he has been very stressed about this and its affecting our relationship a bit, but mostly his schoolwork and mood.
i just don't know what to do. i'm not going to stop dating with him. but, i just want them to talk to him again. I don't want to become between him and his family, but i don't know.
any solutons? suggestions? ideas?
I understand how they feel of course, but it's not like we couldn't visit them etc.. i know its not the same.. but.
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It would have helped if you had said what country he was from. While it is not terribly important to know this it is important to understand that his parents may be upset for two reasons.
The first of course is his decision to remain here. If he is from someplace like India and countries like it. Parents work hard to send their children to countries like ours to get good college educations. They are expected to return home and put those educations to work aiding their villages, country and their society as a whole. When children do not return home, there are many that do not, the parents lose face with the other villagers. Sometimes it is just a case of how to you get them back on the farm after they have seen city life.
The other problem could be one of possibility of his marrying out of his culture, nationality and faith all rolled up in one package. Once again in countries such as India, Pakistan and others to marry outside your culture is not acceptable. The females of the family have been know to be killed for doing so.
The preceding may be the problem or it may not. It may be they are just unhappy with his not returning home. The only thing I can think of for you to do to try and smooth things over is to write a very warm and loving letter to his parents.
This needs to be a letter not an email and it needs to be in your own hand writing not typed. The reason for this is a lot can be derived from your words and the actual writing of the letter. I've been doing this for a long time and I am able to gain some insight into questions from the words and structure of the writing. If the questions were hand written I believe I would gain even more insight into the questions. This is one reason I said knowing your BF nationality would help me answer your question as I might be able to give you a better answer as to why his family is upset with him.
After you have written your letter and given sufficient time for them to receive it and respond to you. You could if you feel you should call and talk with them. Of course depending how they respond and if they respond to your letter will determine if you should call them.
Unfortunately this is the best advice I can offer. Just assure them that you will love and care for their son. That you will see to it that you both travel to visit them and they will always be welcome in your home. That when the grandchildren arrive that they will be part of the children's lives and the grandchildren will be part of their lives.
Good luck I hope things work out.
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