about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I recently joined Facebook on Friday. Since joining I friend requested some of my cousins. Two of them added me, four if you want to count second and third cousins, but two others on my father’s side and one other on my mother’s side haven’t added me. I’m worried that I did something wrong. All of my aunts and uncles quickly added me as well.
I can’t think of what I could have done wrong though? Most of them I haven’t spoken to in years, since our grandmother passed away 2 years ago, but we’re still blood. My aunt’s ex-husband even added me. I know that we’re estranged, but that’s because I wasn’t on Facebook and had no real way of getting in touch with them. I’ve been wanting to get closer to my cousins for awhile now. One of them told me that he’s definitely up for that, and I have his phone number now, although he’s busy right now because he and his girlfriend are expecting their first child.
Should I ask them if something’s wrong. Am I looking too far into this? My best friend told me that maybe they just don’t use Facebook much, and that’s why they haven’t added me. One responded to one of her father’s photos for father’s day. I’m worried that she’s purposely avoiding me. I'd rather not get my other cousins into this by asking them what they all really think of me.

You're over thinking this. I have family who use Facebook alot. Some who have accounts and get on sporadically but not consistantly like daily or a couple times a week. Then there are others who aren't on there at all.

In the past I've played lots of games thru FB, and some required having 'neighbors' who played the same game and none of my friends or relatives did. So I posted a request for friends for the game and also checked the Add Me page for the particular game and started sending messages to people who said they needed friends to help play the game with. I could easily send out a dozen requests. One answers the same day, another the next morning, another later that 2nd day, others through the next week, another 1 or 2 2 weeks later and 1 person always not responding til 1 or 2 months later and still adding me. Unfortunately someone like that Iam not going to see much from on facebook ever or really get game help from if they're on that seldom. I'v been on facebook since around 2006 I think. So I've seen alot.

Another thing you can expect is that those of family who have a lot of people on the FB acct as friends will have curious people who like them alot and so want to connect with their siblings and cousins, etc. I have gotten requests from people who were total strangers to me but knew a sister of mine or close mine of mine. I usually accept most after checking out their profile to make sure I'm not adding some weirdo.
You may also get lonely guys who scan the FB friends lists of people whose have accepted you as friend and send you a request to be a friend or actually send a message. I have gotten about 2 dozen men over the years either who were looking for a girlfriend on line only, or for a new wife in real life and sent a message to me. They find me by looking at lists of a friends, friends, friends list so that there is no connection to anyone I know. So do not blindly add someone until you check first their profile. The majority of such guys had a FB acct less than a month old or days old and the only people on their small friends list were only women, no family. These may be lonely men or men from foreign countries were its taboo to interact with any women other than your mother, sister or wife. So they ask to be your friend. I accidently accepted one such person and everytime I was on, they would instant message me and want to hold hour long or longer online chats with me. If I wanted a penpal, I would welcome that. But since I don't, I delete them the moment they become too invasive with my time. These are all the helps I can think of for someone new to FB.

[view]

Why doesn't my mom get why I don't want to go baby clothes shopping with her when she said the reason why she's having another kid so late (I am 19) is cause myself and my siblings are "cursed". Yes, my situation really is that fucked. I'm going to community college for 2 years, so I'm still at home, but I'm trying to become more busy so my mom doesn't get the idea I'm going to put my life on hold because she suddenly decided to have a baby so late in the game. It pisses me off cause she thinks something is supernaturally wrong with her existing children that this new baby will solve all her problems. Our family is already really busy now, and it just makes all she said a joke about us being financially hard up. A pet is too expensive but not another child? She just doesn't like animals. I also don't think I'll be able to bond as a sibling with someone young enough to be my own child. I told this to her and she dismissed it, when idk anyone in our family our community with such large age gaps, unless the wife remarried later on and wanted a kid with their new spouse, which is the only acceptable reason to me, other than adoption. She also thought it was weird I asked about whether she conceived naturally or got a donor egg or whatever, cause she's in her mid to late 40s. I found bookmarks on her computer to fertility places, and questionnaires to potential egg donors. I also know she has been getting shots. But she lied to me that it was all natural when I think she has been trying for the past 2 years, at least. I initially suspected when I noticed she was taking prenatals, years ago. Why wouldn't a parent consider how their 3 other children, mostly adults, would feel about another, intentional addition? I just think the way she's going about it is insensitive and personally I don't want kids til my 30s, when I am hopefully In a decent financial position, and the kids can be close in age. I even only want 2, unless I win the lottery or something. Why are my parents so obtuse about this? They believe in witchcraft and what not and my mom is about to give birth and has hardly told anyone about her pregnancy, barely anyone even in her family, cause she thinks it will protect the kid from spiritual attack. It's like.. She would rather ask a psychic how her kid is doing than evaluate herself, and see how she could do things differently. My life is increasingly becoming chaotic and I iust feel my parents have checked out and barely even support what I want to do. I'd even label them almost toxic influences on me, from certain things I've been subjected to, falling under abuse but seen as "treatment" to them. I don't have close friends to confide such details with so I appreciate your point of view on this complex matter. I envy people who's parents didn't frown on their kids for not entering the medical field, and supported them through their journeys, even through the bumps in the road. I can't say that with my own parents, unfortunately. I mean yes, financially they help me, I still live under their roof, but mentally and emotionally we are just completely on different pages.

Adviceman covered lots of things and I agree with him wholeheartedly. Be sure to advise your parents ahead not to assume you will become their babysitter.I can see them spring this on you at the last minute after baby is born otherwise.

I want to cover the part you mentioned of your mother believing you and your siblings to be cursed and fearing for people to know of her pregnancy thinking somehow baby will become cursed. Then you say they believe in witchcraft but run to psychic's for all their decision making.

Here's what I wonder...
See, I am hearing what your mom supposedly says and it doesn't match at all what I know of people who are pagan, wiccan and witches. I love a lot of what they do in their beliefs and a true witch is as loving and kind as the next person, but does not practice black magick or devil worship. That is something entirely different as witches and pagans don't even beleive in Satan. Though they do believe in Jesus, just not the fact he had to save them from sins in this one lifetime, because instead they believe in reincarnation.
I also know that a true witch has their own abilities they work on and don't rely so heavily on what any random psychic may have to say, they are in tune with the universe, the goddess (which I believe is another name for the Holy Spirit) or God, which is Jesus, as they refer often to the Lord and Lady, which from my studies equates Jesus and Holy Spirit. They also do not fear cursing or spiritual attack because a true witch knows how to intentionally set up protection for themselves and their loved ones. They put their intent (prayer focus) into setting up a barrier. Many use rituals and spells which are spoken words and use of items which in themself have no power but it helps to keep their mind and intent focused so that they are able to channel the power of the universe or god/goddess. Does this sound anything like your Mom and Dad. My gut sense is telling me that they don't have an inkling of a clue as to what witchcraft is about. They are pretenders most likely and so stumble through life spouting stuff they know nothing about in hopes it will make them look like they know something. Believe me, I have run into even a pychic at a party who was pulling cards and my friends asked me to go take a turn with her. She pulled cards and started telling me what it meant when I knew it to mean something totally different in my life and began to explain it to her how i see it. She was surprised, snatched up the cards into a deck and asked me to do a reading for her and had all sorts of questions for me.
This happens often. Even I know the limits of my skills. I am more intuitive than a full fledged psychic. I could be totally wrong here but if somewhere in the last 5 to 7 years, your mom met a psychic and asked about you kids, it is possible the psychic saw a piece of the future, just the sense that moms current children at the time would be cursed. But they psychic may not have had the explanation to go along with as to what it meant. Your mom in her naivety took it the wrong way. The psychic only foresaw a fact that your mom or both parents would choose to forsake their own children, withdraw from them their love, consider their children inferior or something and thus see you as cursed in their own minds. This was likely to happen even without your moms crazy idea to have another child to right the problem she seems to think exists. You kids aren't cursed by some other mysterious source but by her and she doesn't see it. No, I don't see this as a curse where another is bound and restricted from achieving anything they wish to in life. Perhaps from the same or another psychic she heard something about having a chance to correct things with having another baby. It was likely meant personally for her, to have another chance in life to raise a child correctly as the rest of you are adults now. But she took it to mean that having a baby was going to break a curse some mysterious stranger put on her now adult children. If I am right about what I am sensing here in this scenerio, then your parents are truly gullible, have no clue this is all about their life and they own personal growth when something is shared. Not that something shared with them is for the betterment of humans other than themselves. Thats how its works. Most true psychics who do get certain messages ask the universe first if it is okay to share with someone or not.
I can;t know for certain and have no hunch here...just guessing but Your parents are either extremely naive or have seriously messed up thought processes, very negative thinking, always seeing the worst. For all I know, there could be some mental issues or illness too for one or the other.
You of course can not approach her with what I have shared with you, its a possibility to help understand a reason why she and dad may be acting the way they do. I also wish for you to understand that as souls who reincarnate, perhaps your parents souls have much less experience than your own and yours is a way older more mature soul so it befuddles you to see them act as they do. We can't always have parents who not only have more earthly wisdom but soul wisdom as well. They raised you the best they know how. Think of it as a constant 5 yr old (soul wise) raising a 100 yr old soul in the body of their child. It sounds ridiculous but such is lifes situations often. It can help you to mentally deal with the situation without holding anything against the parents or the new baby who is an innocent in moms naiveness and mistakes. A situation like this will test your ability to be the more adult person in the situation than your own parents. You will likely always feel more like a parent to your new sibling than a sister and thats fine, most people seeing the two of you together who dont know your family will assume its your child, just say thankyou and answer as if you are the mom for in actualily, because of the age difference, you will be in effect interacting more like a 2nd mom with the child than a sister. And that is okay. Perhaps it will bring a little stability into the childs life. So keep your head about your shoulders dear. I know its not easy and I am sorry your parents reject you or keep their love and support from you but theres nothing you can do to change them. Set up a protective bubble around you so that the hurtful things the parents may say or do are only heard and seen, but unable to penetrate deep into your subconscious and your soul to torment you long after done or spoken. This way you remember the words, but they are unable to make you feel hurt or pain. But you have to be conscious of this. Call it witchcraft or simple abilities that God gave each one of us but few every really learn to use. I hope this helps you for a start but if you have need to talk further, you can write me any time through my column.

[view]

I do competitive cheerleading and I love it a lot but since I am going into my sophomore year of high school I really want to focus on that. Also, it cost a lot of money and my family doesn't own that much. I was on a different team last year and I loved it so much. This year my heart isn't really in it and I dread going to practice. I want to quit so I don't have to worry about these things but I don't want to lose my friends and I also I don't want to end up regretting my decision to quit. What should I do?

this is part of what its like going through your teens and college age years. I knew in fact several college age people who decided they didn't like what they were studying for a degree in and changed their college classes and focus on degrees so many times I lost count, all to find what they really liked and had a passion for. Don't ever be afraid to try something and once you commit to it, see it out til the end of the year or end of the class. In this case, you finished your freshman year cheerleading and know you dont want to continue. So rather than wait until September when school starts again, now is the time to quit. I know some people give pep talks about not being a quitter. to an extent, theres a reason for it, too many people give up on something they actually love only because along the way, the going gets tough for a while. In that case, one shouldn't give up. You have the perfect reason to quit, you said, your heart isn't into it. So if you did stick with it, you risk letting down the rest of the team, not doing the quality of performance they require and possibly risk injuring yourself or others. If you get questioned about wanting to quit, you have to be clear in your mind the reasons why so you can communicate effectively to lay others minds at rest that you are in fact making this decision for the right reasons. So if its not to avoid the hard work, just lack of passion for it that you discovered by sticking with it for a year, thats logical reason enough. When a person is passionate about something, time flys by, they lose themselves in doing what they love and even find the hard work something they feel pumped about rather than dreading. Don't be afraid to try new things and find again you really have no passion for it. Eventually you will stumble upon something that really captures your attentions and passion and that can only happen if you keep trying new things without a fear of backing out when the time is right if you dont like it.
good luck dear.

[view]

I'm Kayla and I'm 23 years old. I have been battling with depression for a year and a half now. My life is pretty great actually. I have my very own beautiful house that I pay for, with the help of my 2 best friends, I have a wonderful boyfriend that loves me more than life itself, I have a college degree, a stable job, a car, a dog, everything people typically strive for. But somehow, I am just not satisfied. I think I hate myself and will never give myself the credit for my accomplishments. I hate my face. My nose is way too big, bigger than any nose I've seen on anyone. It's not little and cute like every other nose. It's long, pointy, with a huge hump. My hair is too dry, I can't do anything with it. My toes are all the same size and look ridiculous in sandals. I can't find any clothes I like to wear because I feel so ugly 100% of the time and no crop top or accessories can make me feel sexy. My boyfriend wants to have sex ALL the time but I never want to. I used to be 100 pounds like 6 months ago. I had a flat stomach, abs, bathing suit body to a T. Now I'm 130, my stomach pokes out, sometimes I look pregnant. I know most people think "oh poor you." but it's really messing with my head. I think about suicide on a daily basis. Everytime I drive, I think "If i just turn the wheel and close my eyes, I won't feel a thing". Everytime I walk into my garage, I think "All I have to do is leave that door closed and turn the car on and just sit here and breathe." Every time I'm at home and my roommates are gone (like this week, they're in New York; We live in Texas) I think "I'm sure I can guess the code on Caitlyns safe and get her gun. One second, boom, don't feel a thing". These are thoughts that bombard me every single day. And leave me with whatifs. I have never made an attempt. But I think that's only because I'm scared to feel pain. I would never drown myself, or set myself on fire, or jump off a bridge. Is this doctor worthy? Can I just get assurance that I'm not the only one who feels like this? Why am I not satisfied with my life? I know it could be alot worse. Please help me :(

Sincerely,
Sad All The Time

A lot of this seems to be wrapped up in your self image. Believe me, if your boyfriend didn't find you sexually attractive, he wouldn't be wanting sex with you at all, not just all the time.

Shall I describe myself in hopes it helps you? I am into my fifties so i have wrinkles and my skin is starting to have that 'old' look, my hair though long is half brunette and half silver now. In high school I weighed 110. Most my life about 115 but as a very fine boned small person, at 128 lbs, yes I now have some rolls around my middle and belly but I also have a bigger chest to go along with. My husband reassures me that I am still sexy. even takes pics of me to look at when I am asleep and he's in the mood. I still make him hard, looking as I do. I also have a big nose, the big hump or bump of a nose I got from my Jewish Father. I find all sorts of things that I wish looked different on me. But guess what, we are always more critical of ourselves than others. Many guys know that the model images of females in media is all false and very few humans look like that naturally without medical or photographic alterations. And these guys want the real female.
I suspect that your self image though is affected because your'e seeing it through a veil of depression.
Some depression is chronic and some is related for a short term to life altering events like losing grandma to death or losing a job but after some time, learning how to cope and recover from it and move on in life. What you are going through, constant thoughts of death, even if you could never bring yourself to do it for fear of pain, is not something anyone should have to live with. You will need a doctor, a professional to check your mental health out fully. Don't feel this means you're crazy or less of a human or broken somehow. Many people suffer from depression, and thre is much teaching and education on it so there's no bad stigma associated with it. get the medicine you need and hopefully training to help you deal with thought processes that keep perpetuating your problem and making it worse. Called negative thinking or stinking thinking, a good thing is to learn how to catch yourself the moment a negative thought hits and avoid dwelling on it, that only makes you feel worse. Even if you can't replace it yet with positive thoughts, you can at least speak out a positive phrase to yourself for your subconscious to hear. Eventually with proper training from a professional, you find that doing this along with medication will change things around for you and give you your life back.
So go see a professional dear. If you need to talk again, you may write me, but remember, I am no professional. I can only share what I know from my own life and having a daughter a bit older than you who suffers depression and needs meds too.

[view]

I am 23 years old and have had a very rocky relationship with my mother. Just some background info - she was raised as a Mormon but broke away from it and never pressed religion on me. I kind of wish she did because I do not practice any religion, simply just don't believe. That's beside the point. Anyways, she had me young. Around 18. Her and my dad were addicted to drugs for a while but she snapped herself out of it after getting a letter in the mail that I had been late to kindergarten 91 times in a row. After that, she was amazing. She has always been there when I needed her. When I turned 16, I became one HELL of a teenager. I never did drugs, got pregnant, or dropped out of school like some teens do but the thing is, I used my words to hurt my mother as bad as I possibly could. I screamed at her, called her horrible names, told her that she was a piece of **** mom, that she will never be anything more than an addict, and I just cut her down as a mom completely. She would cry in front of my face and I never even felt a sting of remorse until the next day when I calm down. Then I would apologize, and 2 days later itd go right back to where it was. Now, I'm 23. I live on my own, have a successful career, and a COMPLETELY different mind set. My mom is my best friend and I couldn't fathom saying the things I said to her. She has forgiven me and we have moved on, the topic hardly comes up. But I think about it ALL the time. I know I can't change the past but I am so sorry, I just can't seem to forgive myself. I beat myself up over it still to this day. How can I cope with this feeling and get past it completely?

As a teen, you most likely were under the influence of your hormones. All females go thru it, either their emotions are affected to where they become very sad and weepy all the time or they become very easily agitated or angry and mean all the time. Its the rush of hormones that the body hasn't quite got used to that is responsible for these changes. A female having the anger issues will ALWAYS focus it at a female close to her in some way in life, so usually fighting with a mother, a sister, a friend, extended female family member or female teacher. So this is not unusually.
Your mothers reaction in taking it personally was simply because she probably forgot that this was likely what you were going through, combined with her own memorys of her past that likely still haunted her, made her feel guilt and really bad when you said what you did.

If you've apologized for it, then theres nothing more to be said. You can only forgive yourself if you want to. But it helps to be able to understand that you weren't totally in control of yourself during those years. I had 3 daughters, youngest your age now, who went through all this as I did when a teen. They chose to fight each other during these times instead of me but I got a few incidences too of 10-12 yrs aged daughters telling me they hated me or something like that, tho it didn't happen often. I didn't take it personally and knew I was a bad mom, that the real issue was what they were just starting to experience, the very beginnings of the hormones affecting them. Some personalities also are prone to use their words to hurt or sting others like a Scorpio for example but that can be controlled with one's will and maturity, in knowing that hurt inflicted doesnt solve your problem or make you feel better in the long run.

If you're still thinking about it all the time, bring up the conversation with your mom, don't hide from it. Ask her if she thinks that maybe this teen hormone thing may have been what prompted you to act that way towards her. She needs to hear you build her up, not just tell us here. So tell her how proud you are of her when she quit drugs to focus on her most important responsibility....you. Tell her again you wish you could erase what you did back then and are grateful she's forgiven you but wanted to one final time say your' sorry. then move on. You already shared that you were a very sensible teenager in that you didn't do drugs, get pregnant or drop out of school as some did. This shows that you had at core the makings of a very fine loving caring person. Its just that during our teen years, our bodies look more mature but a part of our brain, responsible for how we behave and treat others and our best decision making, is still not done growing and usually isn't until we're around our mid 20's which is where you are at now. So teen girls have that extra thing working against them being the best possible person they can be at that age. If those 2 elements were missing back then, I promise you, you wouldn't have treated mom that way. Knowing that, stop beating yourself up, forgive yourself and enjoy your life and your mom. Remember all this when you have daughter that reach their teen years and explain to them whats going on with them. It helps to know that as a teen girl and they don't teach this anywhere to teen girls.

[view]

I have dated nothing but losers in the past. As a successful 23 year old teacher, I am not sure HOW I attract them, but I do. They're mean to me, they usually sell drugs, and they almost ALWAYS cheat on me. HOWEVER, I finally started dating a guy OPPOSITE of all of that. He's the definition of what you bring home to mama. He doesn't have a 6-pack or blonde hair and blue eyes, but dammit he loves me so much. I just can't help but feel like I don't feel as strongly. We were friends for 8 years before dating. I love him with all of my heart but I'm not in love with him. I already feel like I've kept it going for longer than I should but when I don't have him in my life, I feel lost. I guess what I'm looking for is personal experiences? Maybe someone can relate? Why did I fight with all of my boyfriends, trying to get them to be perfect and here comes Mr. Right and he's not good enough? I know we always want what we can't have but please give insight! I'd really appreciate it. Thanks :-)

This will be long and yet theres much more to share in details so ask if you need. Here goes.

How to find Mr. Right:
I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesnt work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a really to the point list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy cant meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isnt afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the prettier ones in looks.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself incase you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers, because if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. These are things you would like to see but if you don't get, you can live with it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something import you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. This is okay to give examples on if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of boyfriend. Then you know that you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

[view]

There is this guy at my mom's work I have developed a sort of crush on. I always made sure to avoid him, because he seemed to have that power to make any girl like him and I don't want to get into that trance, but for the last couple of days I had no ride to work and I rode to my mom's work and stayed there until time for me to go to work (we work across the road from each other). During break times he would sit right across from me and talk, I was polite, but I am not good with talking and we seemed to have nothing to talk about, so it was me staring out the window and him staring out the other one. When we would talk it was us insulting one another( which is my humor and I am glad it caught on) and I had a strange feeling he was watching me. When I left my mom told me he thinks I hate him, but the thing is I think he hates me. He is really good friends with my mom, so I am trying to see if he is just being nice or if he is genuinely interested in me.

When two people really don't know each other that well, it's hard for each to determine when one is being serious or just teasing and ones brand of humor. So tho you may think the insulting remarks was just humor, he didn't take it as such. Its one thing if you made an insulting remark, then smiled and said, just kidding and then went on to have some normal conversation. As a female, if I was sitting with you, not knowing you well and you acted this way to me, I'd easily be wondering what it is you have against me. That is how this behavior comes across.
May I suggest a notion here, being that once upon a time I used the same tactic you are using. I talked sarcastic, insulting and in an insulting way to teens my age, especially at church youth group where a good majority of the popular girls did so and I thought it might help me be more popular. In my case, I was using it to cover up the fact I had social anxiety or severe shyness issues. I had trouble talking to people. Could it just be that this isn't really you and just a cover up you are hiding behind. Don't be insulted, i am just curious because it isn't sending the right message you want.
Also you mention the guy being friends with your Mom. So he must be easy to approach. I assume he's closer to your age and yet able to befriend people of all ages. that should mean he is very easy to approach and talk to. Since you state you have a crush on him, something is going to have to change here. If you continue to act as you do towards him, you'll never find out if he's just being friendly or if its more than that. But may I remind you that the best of long term relationships like marriage even, all start with becoming best friends and then moving on to the romance or at least there is an equal balance of both right from the start. There are people in relationships who are unhappy because they are only friends and one wants to go further, the other doesn't, or they are not treating each other as friends but it is all about the sex and thats not enough to hold a relationship together cus at some point one or both of you will worry about someone looking sexier pulling one of you away from each other when its based only skin deep. The thing to do is hang out with a person, some call it dating, but spending enough time to really get to know someone to decide if you like what you see or whether they are not right for you. this means of course you'd need to have some idea of what you are looking for in a guy, what qualities. No one is making a commitment to each other in dating, to become boyfriend and girlfriend until they have a clue whether they like each other enough to want to stay together. So there is a kind of pre-dating to the dating as boyfriend girlfriend.
Just start next time with sharing the truth. It will win you points with him faster than anything else. You tell him that you've always not been good with conversation with people you don't really know and that you tend to cover it up, cover the silence with using sarcastic, insulting humor (which I truly don't consider humorous at all, but understand as I once used it too.) Then tell him, "I just didn't want you to get the impression that I didn't like you or want to talk to you. I thought I'd explain so at least you understand me a little better. Can we start again? And just try to be friends, maybe hang out more often at work, trade numbers and talk. I am not promising I want to be or will end up being a girlfriend. Right now, I just want to learn to become friends with people I find interesting."

Something like that in your own words should do it. That way, there's no pressure on him thinking you want to date him, even if down the line you decide you'd like that, that can scare a guy away who isn't ready to become a boyfriend in status with a girl whose personality he doesnt know yet from a friend status. Lots of guys are like that and you'll find you get further with them if you don't put them in an awkward position. This way, he can still make the moves on you when he is comfortable. If he never does, you let a guy know at some later point that if he were so inclined, you'd welcome that kind of attention, but if not, you'd continue looking elsewhere for that and he would just be a friend. It is very important to communicate well in any time you are relating to another human being. If we were all mind readers, theres be no assumptions, or misunderstandings. But since we cant read minds, it requires good communication in life with not just boyfriends, but friends, family, co-workers and boss, any person you find your self in a position needing to interact with. And since you find yourself in a place of feeling a bit awkward in that area, the best thing you can do is admit it to him and ask if he'd be willing to help you. Guys like to feel needed and causes them to want to be around a female who needs their help. Ask if he'd be willing to help you learn how to feel comfortable conversing with people other than your family. I know he'll feel honored and willing. I know it might feel scary to admit this all to him, but I also used to battle fears and when I stood up to my fears and did the thing I was so afraid of, the fear instantly went away. Fear is a big bully that makes itself sound scary and formidable but the moment you challenge it, it runs away, right away. So go for it girl, minus your brand of humor except for a very occasional dose of it, just not all the time.

[view]

Over the past 24 years of my life, I have never been able to develop a bond with my mother. Recently I have grown sick of her lies. She's lied about nearly being raped, told hurtful lies about people to alienate me from members of my family, and I just really want a break from her.

My boyfriend's mom has said that I could move in there for the summer. I think that this would be a good choice for me. It would give me a break from my home life, allow me to explore the option of living with her son, and get more practice with driving to take my road test. I have been with him for 4 years, and have been wanting to do this anyway.

The problem is that he lives out of state, and I am concerned about getting some kind of a job. The last job I held, I left in January 2014. I graduate in 2016, and do not want to look like a loser.

I've applied for internships in New York City, which is kind of the midway point between where we live, but while I get interviews, I have had no luck finding employment as of yet.

So, my question is, how do I start looking for work? If I get a job for the time being, for example, working at a grocery store, convenience store, or any such location near where he lives... how do I bring up about the length of time that I want to stay there? Should I just lie, and say that I have a NYS ID because I just moved there, and then leave once school starts up again?

YOu explain you are looking for work for just the summer as you are going back to school in the fall. That is a valid reason, no other reason needed. If asked about ID from another area, you are staying the summer with friends or relatives who live here and will be going back home for school come fall. That's it. And that's the truth.

I am glad to hear you're taking this step to break away from home and gain your independance. Even if you had a more normal mentally healthier mom, it's high time you make the break away from parents and start living on your own, with roommates or a boyfriend. thats how its supposed to be. For a temp job, you'd have to find something that doesnt pertain to your degree since a company like that is very unlikely to hire you for jgroceries, coffee barista or think of what places in your area get the summer tourist trade or even more local people like a water park, parks department programs, the library, amusement park and so on, to work a temp job. Or better yet, go to a temp agency, explain your situation and have them place you in a job with the skills you already have that an employer needs covered for two months. Perhaps some gal is out on maternity leave and asked for more time away and they need to temporarily fill her spot. You dont know where these jobs are but a temp agency will know. So do that if nothing else. It will also make you feel better about your self.

[view]

I've always known that my husband was a little jealous when we were dating. He didn't want me texting other men or flirting, I completely understand that. Those are also my limits. We have only been married for a little over six months, and the growing jealousy towards my mother is starting to make us fight very badly. I am an only child to my mother, and at first she was clingy, but that isn't the case anymore. I spend maybe one day out of the week going to town with her, maybe to eat, and other than that I talk to her maybe twice a day. She suffers with bad anxiety, so if I go out of town, I shoot her an "I made it alive mother" text, which is just another thing that annoys him that I do for my mother to ease her mind. She is my best friend and more like a sister to me than a mom and it really hurts me and puts me in a awkward place when he throws fits about me seeing her or talking to her. If I'm not working, I am always home when he gets home from work, If he wants me to cook, I cook.. I try to please him in every way but right when my phone rings and its my mom, there goes our entire night. He has also done this if I go out of town without him to see family. He will call me the entire time I am there, and the one time I don't answer, I'm ignoring him and have no time for him. I love this man so much and I don't want such a petty thing to ruin our relationship. Please offer any advice that may help

Look at it this way, its not your mother he resents but if this was truly a girlfriend and not your mother, he would still resent the person.
I agree that he is an insecure man if he didn't want you texting or talking to other guys. A man who has such a low self image as a male is going to think themselves easily replaced and another man more attractive to you and thats why the jealousy.
So how does this apply then to mother who is female instead? She is taking time away from full attention on him. He needs full attention from you to feel secure in himself, so when he doesnt get it, he sulks or throws a fit.

To be fair though, even a secure in self image man, would have issues with the amount of time you spend trying to be there for a mother with extreme anxieties. You are not her professional counselor, only her daughter and as such, you have blurred the lines of what is appropriate and are spending more time with her trying to help her when her anxietys are the issue instead of just doing the daughter thing and meeting once a week to go to lunch. I don't hear from my daughters daily. Once a week seems fair even for a phone call if not a visit and its a long phone call. But twice daily? That sounds extreme. While you believe what you are doing is the normal honoring your parent thing, what is actually happening is that you are helping her to remain stuck in anxiety problems, never gettting better.

Never mind at the moment that your husband has severe issues that also require him seeing a counselor. Even with a husband without issues, I assume you'll one day want kids. Once you have kids, you'll find you no longer have time to give to your mother as you do now. The kids will have to come first before mom. And a husband should also come before anyone else. So if you keep up this schedule with mom, the husband will be neglected and so will the kids. Mom will just be another kid of yours. the only problem, you're not her mother and she;s an adult with a will of her own so its unlikely she will listen to what you say. But you need to draw the line somewhere.
If I were the husband and had a wife that talked twice a day to mom and not for a short timed bit but for hours, blowing my evening time with my wife, I'd be MAJOR upset about that if it happened more than once a week. In real life, each of us have at times in our 6 yrs together gotten a call from a family member going through something hard who needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to help give them perspectives with a pro blem and it takes hours. And yes, we've had plans, or were in bed having time with each other when a call comes late at night and we stop and take the time out to help the family member and that is good and right. But going to the opposite extreme of blowing ones plans and time with a spouse almost every time and for hours, that is wrong. Even a good mentally healthy man will not stand for that. Why, because it shows that in fact you are not willing to compromise and take just a little time with mom but have a time limit like say 15 mins in which you tell her you love her, but that you did as the bible mentions, leaving mother and father to cleave to your husband, this means that husband and your future children--that family unit comes first before other extended family with the exception of the occaasional emergency thing. This is not an emergency, her calling twice a day. or you instigating the calls. Mom needs professional help. I'm guessing Mom has been this way for quite some time so you have no real idea growing up that this is not normal behavior in a person. You know anxieties is an issue not all people have but I am guessing since you found yourself an insecure husband as well, that you don't know how to recognize what is normal and what is not. So you got yourself married to a person with issues, a different set from Mom. you couldn't choose your Mom but you were able to choose your mate. I understand not being on phone all the time with other men, but be sure you are not making excuses for him. If you have a conversation with the male clerk at the grocery, just being friendly and those few minutes and he can't handle it and is jealous, that is extreme and there is no excuse.

So you need to tell mom that you are spending too much time making sure she's okay and calming her down when shes having issues and it is causing trouble for you with your husband. You need to learn this even if in the end you and he split and you have a new future husband. mOM will still be in your life so you need to learn this. Set a limit to the calls. One call per day only and even this is extreme but you need to wean her off you and encourage her to go to see a counselor, psychologist. Either she's on the wrong meds or not being treated for anxiety by a doctor. If every time she called you, you told her you're setting a timer and giving her only 15 minutes and that if she has a crisis, then its high time she get in to see a professional because with all the time you've already given her, it hasn't cured her of her issues yet so this way isn't working. You tell her its interfering with time with your mate. You let her know if the two of you haven't had sex in two weeks because she's always on the phone with you for hours. So tell her, your top priority is your husband now and that means she falls to number two and once kids arrive, she'll fall down further but still have your attention, just not as much so she needs to get used to it now and not rely entirely on you anymore. time to see a professional and get the help she's been avoiding. You can't force her to go, you can only limit time on phone with her, and then start backing it off to 15-20 mins if its just to reassure her you are okay and tell her you have to go now, hanging up on her if she refuses to say goodbye and hang up on her own. You need to retrain her in what is okay or not, normal or not. Then keep it at the short calls every other day and save all the long conversations for your day out with her. That is reasonable. Anything else is excessive and comes across as you choosing her over your huband to a man with insecurties of his own already. It may help him some but wont cure him. The two of you may need marriage counseling. Perhaps, the counselor will discover deep buried issues in yourself also which I suspect as you as so willing to go along with catering to Mom and to Husband and their issues. Although I wouldn't say you have a major problem, likely just that you are having some trouble with seeing the big picture here which all of us do at times but when its causing you the amount of problems you're having, its time for a counselor for yourself as well. So lastly, my advice is, if you can't encourage Mom or hubby to go to a counselor, go see one for yourself, they can help awaken your mind to see your situation in a different way and teach you skills how to handle it better or make any decisions for your own good.

[view]

what reason should i give to the human resource department after i was given a job order and didn't accept it. then after five months i will apply.

Since I don't know your true reasons for not wanting to take an offered job but wait 5 months, I can't say whether the truth will make sense or sound reasonable but I am always for telling the truth but in a way and with words that will sound good to them.
You do know that when you really are ready, they may take your app but not have a job opening at the time. This is something you risk. If you've already turned them down, and they didn't ask why, likely they'll assume you applied several places and just accepted an offer elsewhere. Unless they are asking you for an explanation, you don't owe them one. I wouldn't go giving them made up explanations cus you feel guilty and feel you owe them one, even if its not the truth. That is just silly. If in 5 months you apply again, likely they will assume the other job didn't work out and hire you. It may be more likely at that time that they ask what happened and why you are reapplying with them 5 months after turning them down.

[view]

Hi everyone!
I am a 5'9", 123 lb, 22 year old female. I donated blood for the first time on June 19th. Everything went fine, and all of my vital stats were good. They used a vein in my elbow ditch, and they did not dry stick me.

Yesterday, I noticed a cluster of bruises, ranging in size and darkness, on my left calf. This is obviously no where near the place they drew blood from. I have not injured myself, especially 10+ times (the number of bruises.) The only thing I can thing of is that I tuck that leg under me when I sit down.

I've never experienced anything like this before and I can't find anything on the internet. Has anyone had this happen before? Am I deficient in something? (I take iron, calcium, zinc, vitamin c, a b-complex, and a multivitamin daily.)I prefer to try to figure things out myself before seeing a doctor.

Thank you!!

The internet is a plethora of information. I went there to check and here is one site that explains it.

https://www.healthtap.com/topics/bruised-arm-after-giving-blood

In essence, its some leakage of blood from the blood vessel that blood was taken from, leaking into the surrounding area cause a bruise to be seen and is nothing to worry about.

But since your bruises occur elsewhere on the body, either yu bumped your leg in the same time frame and were totally unaware of it or it may be something for the Doctors to check out.

[view]

The other night my roommates had a party and one of their co workers was over. I went to bed and the next thing I know is he is coming g into my room asking if he can sleep in my room because his shoulder is out. Feeling sorry for him I said yes but made it clear that I was not gonna have sex with him and that he needed to stay on his side of the bed. The next thing I know he is kissing me and touching me and I told him to stop and said no but he just kept going so I tried to stop him but he them held me down knowing that he was stronger. I kept up with asking him to stop and saying no but of course he kept going. He then pulled down my pants and pinned my legs to were I couldn't move. I tried kicking and my pleas became more but he just kept going. He was telling me I was teasing and that I liked it. Even though I wasn't teasing and I didn't like it. The thing that made him stop for awhile was my daughter waking up. I was able to get up and put her to sleep again making sure she was safe. He followed me and still tried to ha e sex with me. Finally he stopped trying and went to sleep but I feel dirty and ugly and that I put myself in that situation. I don't know what to do or were to turn. All I see is it happening. I can't sleep or eat. I can barely function

I agree, forcing you even if he didn't end up having sex is intent to rape and you need to report this to police. the reason it is so important is that it works much better for convicting a possible rapist if there is a paper trail. In case he tries something again by stalking you, the police would have this previous offense on record and probably call him in. Also if he has actually done the same to other girls and actually gone all the way thru with it, then the more girls who file a complaint against him makes it all the easier to prosecute him. It is not you who are dirty or ugly.

But i WILL say that you are dangerously naive. And that makes it a danger to your daughter to have a man who is really a stranger to you, stay the night in your home. Just because he was at a friends party doesnt mean the friend knows him alll that well or is a good judge of character. It was a very bad move to do this. I know you love your daughter and wouldnt think of putting her in harms way. But just what if he pretended interest in you but pretended to fall asleep and waited until you were, then if he was a pedophile, he went after your daughter? If you can't be cautious for your own self, at least be so for your child. I know you have learned from this. Do not trust any stranger like this ever again.

[view]

I am 24 and my boyfriend turns 26 in July. He is weird about having kids. For example, when we seriously thought I was pregnant the only reason why he wanted me to have an abortion was because he didn't think that we were financially stable enough for a child.

After we found out that I wasn't, I asked him whether or not having a baby with me would be that bad, if he had a full-time job and could support all of us. He said, "No, not at all." Just before mother's day this year, he joked, "You might be celebrating mother's day this time next year." Other times, he says he's never having kids.

While having a baby is out of the question for us right now because we cannot financially afford one, I would love to have his baby one day. Probably sooner than later, after we are more financially able to support ourselves.

The problem is that my mother is not a particularly loving mother. She is the type who wants to be the center of attention. I never had a cut or bruise on me from her, but she did hit me, and do things that I swear were done to hurt me. Over the years she has made up lies in an attempt to alienate me from other members of my family. When I call her out on them, it's as though they actually happened, and she gets angry at me for telling her that they are lies. Every time she had to do something for me, it was a complaint, and she is unhappy that I am a full-time student who hasn't held a job in over a year.

He really had no example of a good father either. Up until he was 9 years old, his grandfather alive and he would play sports with him. That's one of the reasons why my boyfriend loves to watch baseball, football and basketball so much.

His biological father was a heroin addict, who left him when he was two years old. For the next few years, up until he was 15, when his dad finally passed away, he saw him four times in his life.

Can we still be good parents, without a good example?

Yes indeed you can be. My husband is a good example of that. He came from a family where the children had to raise the parents, as the adults were so naive and didn't have a clue about even simple tasks around the home. His ex whom he had a child with came from a foster home where she was abused, and had no living blood relatives. They both had the same concerns and decided that they knew all the things not to do, and as long as they avoided doing those same things and doing the opposite, they would be fine, and they were. Their daughter is a normal healthy well adjust young adult. In fact, she turned out to be more scholastic, and ahead of her peers in many areas of life. A very intelligent person.

[view]

I have to go to a water park with my family in a week, and I am on my period. I know I need to wear a tampon, but I can't get it in, it really hurts when I try. I don't know what to do! I looked up instructions for inserting them, but I just can't get it in! Thanks for the advice! :)

Try a little personal lube and buy only the ones with the plastic applicator and apply to that. It should slide in easy. If it doesnt, you may have a septate hymen which means instead of the hymen being extra skin around the circumferance of the vagina, the opening has a strip of hymen down the middle creating two much smaller entrances and it is too painful and tight to fit anything in. Best to have a doctor look at that. talk to mom. SHe's a female and tell her of your problem. SHe may want to schedule you for an exam with the doctor to have that snipped away. Its an easy procedure with non to little discomfort right after according to other teens who've had it done.
Or, rather than go to the dr. and it not being the case in the end, as embarassing as it may seem, you might want to see if Mom wants to take a look first to see if thats what the problem is. Hopefully, u just need lube.

[view]

I am a teen going through alot I've been through the stress of summer school my rabbit just died and I had to get it all out of my head. I thought to myself"I haven't wacked off in a month or so. So I went to the bathroom wacked off and this was the best soo far. I felt soo good, I got to the point to where I was hot and I felt a satisfying sensation that went from my penis through my whole body. I cold no longer open my eyes and it felt so good then the satisfaction was too much and I stopped. I continued after a 10 second cooler and released real cum for the first time.the whole question is what was that sensation I felt that was too satisfying?

Hon, this is all normal. For both males and females, not just teen years, but throughout life, we all experience a wide range of different kinds of orgasms. Of course we love those ones that go off the chart like this. Do not get hooked on seeking only one kind of orgasm and think there is something wrong with you if most the time the others are different, still good but not quite the same. there are different levels of satisfaction.
I am a female but married and have a husband so I know how things can vary for him. It does for me too. And because neither of us have closed ourselves off to seek only orgasms of such a high intensity, we've discoverd many new things in our love life that we wouldn't have if looking only foor that kind of intensity. Now looking back, each kind has its own kind of intensity, some hit the emotions harder, soome hit on an energy level/spiritual level harder and others like what you experienced, harder on the physical level. Its all normal and all good.

[view]

Hello I'm 13 years old and I have been through a fake relationship 2 years ago and it effects my courage and feelings today. There are many girls that went to my school and are going to my high school that I could have asked but I'm afraid. I think ill either be turned down or dumped. I am not a bad guy but my ex brought the bad out of me. We were friends for 6 months and I was already obsessed with her. Me and her always wrote notes to each other and we flirted alot. Then I gathered my courage before Christmas break and asks her out on the notes and she said yes. After that she never hugged me or touched me. Then she came to me a week later saying that my so call friend named chance said our relationship isn't real and I said why do you believe what he says and she cried and walks away. I talked shit to chance even though he was a football player and I confronted him. He said what she said he said. Then they went to see a movie with the school and I stayed back at school.and people came back telling me chance as holding her hand and I was pissed. I went to MacKenzie in 3rd hour the next day and dumped her and she said I already dumped you when I held chance's hand. That set me off. I said you were never worth my time you worthless bitch and walked away as the bell rang. She cried for the rest of the afternoon. A year later I find her on facebook and I decided to say hi and start as friends and she cussed me out and I don't respond.i look at her page and find her kissing like 50 different boys in sexual positions bit not doing anything but kissing. So I call her a slut and she cried again. She even put me on blast about our old relationship. I'm afraid of asking til this day for that very reason. She also said she'll get her boyfriend who I a wrestler on me if she sees me again.please help.

I can say with all experience of going thru that age range myself once upon a time, that this kind of "shit" as you'd most likely call it, happens at this point in time. The kids themselves may not turn out to be terrible people when they mature and grow up but during the teen years can easily be at their worst.

There will be however teens who do have their heads on straight and treat others much better. But for the most part, lots of the problems stem from ones thinking and reasoning abilities at this age and its easily explained. We think we are grown up because our bodies look grown up and due to recent puberty we have our sexuality now but the one thing not done growing in humans at this point is the frontal lobe of the brain which wont be completely done growing and mature until at least our mid 20's. I am not spouting my guesses here, there are scientific studies done to prove this.

So, as I said, it comes with the territory.

What I do suggest for yourself is that you make a personal decision to no longer take things personally when someone treats you in a manner this is disrespectful, hurtful, mean, etc.... because they just dont know any better and more likely, just aren't capable of doing better for the reason I mentioned. They may also have parents will lots of relationship trouble and have no better example to draw upon on how to act towards others or treat others.
It is also for these reasons that dating at the teen years rarely lasts more than a couple weeks to a couple months. If you can date for 6 months to a year before a breakup, you're actually doing way better than the majority.

All the issues you've had so far, are easily avoided with maturity on both parts, hers and yours.
First of all, this other kid spouting that you had a fake relationship was best to not take personally. No one can really know as an outsider especially with same age and little experience in dating due to the age they are at, exactly what the status of your relationship is with anyone. they can make guesses, but not truly know. So first off, it was best to ignore what he said. It looks like he wanted her for himself so he planted doubts in her mind. Due to her age, inexperience, and being too naive, she fell for the lie and believed what she heard.
It would be a good thing for you to learn now that for someone who knew you well enough after 6 months of being friends to even believe anything said about you that was negative, means they are tossing all they know of you to the wind and making a decision to believe what some other person says to the negative of you. I am sorry to say that some adults never grow up at all and do this all their lives or take a very long time to mature due to lack of knowledge of how to do better, regardless of the brain maturing status. So you can see this at any age. Somebody wants a person who has been in a long term relationship with someone, even married or not, and knows they are not available until they can put doubt into their mind and so a person bent on untruthful ways of getting who they want would approach one partner and tell them that they saw their sweetie fooling around with, or cheating with someone else and make it sound like they really care and dont want you hurt. So now its upon the person told the lie to either outright believe what they are told, or decide to spy and investigate on their own to discover if its true or not or, if its the case of two mature people truly in love and who know deep in their hearts without a shadoow of a doubt that each of you are madly in love with not just the looks but the personality of each other, then another pretty face or handsome face will not be able to lure ones love so easily away. If a woman said that to me of my husband, I would not believe her because I know him that well and also because I am very observant and would notice any change in behavior of his desire towards me. I even had occasion to be amused when some couples invited us along to a party at the home of a single lady our age for New Years. SHe got really drunk and was trying to force my husband to dance with her in front of me, looking to see if I would react jealously. I could do nothing but laugh as I saw his uncomfortable look as I know he can't stand dancing due to the affects of his high level functioning autism and I know he's in love with me and gets absolutely no pleasure from another woman paying him attention or trying to paw over him. So, in the end, if a girl would so easily believe someone saying its a fake relationship, then you need to learn, such a person either didn't know you well enough, or they are a bad judge of character to believe him over you, and definitely not worth the getting angry over and resorting to name calling.
You did what many at your age would do. I wouldnt call it bringing out the worst in a person. This is another thing you need to learn as this is something peoople tend to do all their life long. They put on a mask, a fake personality...different from what the guy was getting at as I highly doubt he understands this yet himself. People want to make a good impression on others and know deep down what their faults are. So they not only hide their faults but pretend to be someone, have the same intereests or whatever, just to get the other person and date them. We tend to become someone we really aren't. There is a danger to that. The other could fall in love with the person they think you are only to be dissappointed when they find out you aren't who you really pretended to be, or what you perceive as your oown faults they don't see as such, it doesnt boother them but they are upset over the lies, or what really bad habits that could threaten a relationship or weaken them, are something that eventually drive them away from you. It takes a lot of personal energy and thought into keeping up a false front, a pretence, a lie, always having to be on your toes and aware and no person has that kind of unending energy to keep up the pretence so eventually, a crack in the shining armor you wear will develop and a glimpse of who you really are leaks out. I have experienced this when dating after an abusive marriage. After 5 dates, the guy relaxed and let a little bit of who he really was inside leak out, I witnessed terrible behaviour from him and dumped him immediately. It was the same exact thing I had seen when early on in my bad marriage. And no, its not a one time mistake that people usually make. Although when young we can make mistakes. But once someone calls you on it and you are truly sorry and resolve to never do it again, yoou won't if it was merely due to immaturity, lack of experience, etc. But if this is something that is a part of your character that you choose to be like and know its wrong but dont want to change, like a hateful bullying type of person, someone who likes to cut others down, be cruel and inflict pain on humans and animals alike, etc..., whatever lies hidden deep down in their character, its more likely that the first time you see a glimpse of something bad that there is a heck of a lot more lying hidden where that came from.
All you can do is to avoid people like this once you learn of who they really are and where they are at in their maturity. So do not talke to her, approach her, nothing. Also steer widely clear of the guy who lied to her. Your teen years are stressful enough without going looking to add more stress by associating with people like that and its not even real friends by those who'd stab you in the back the next chance they got.
Look for people who genuinely want to be with you and want to get to know you and know you well enough to understand when someones accuses you of something that it isn't true. thats a true friend, or girlfriend.
So if the pool of people you are currently looking to find friends in is the 'popular crowd' like the football jocks, cheerleaders and party girls who look really hot, then stop looking at what the person looks like on the outside and start looking at their behavior. You just may have a good chance of finding someone capable of being a true friend among the brainiacs, the nerds, the other less populars, maybe the goths, the so called duffs, who aren't even ugly or fat, just not accepted by the majority. thats where my daughters searched for friends while in high school and found plenty. Hope this helps encourage you.

[view]

So earlier today I put on a pantyliner liner just in case and it had blood a few hrs later when I went to the bathroom well I was going to go fishing so I put on a new one just to be safe its been about 6 hours I just went to the bathroom and my panty liner is almost full. As if I'm starting my period. I'm out of state right now but will be home Thursday morning. Until then I can't see a doctor. It's around the time I should be starting my next period. And we do want kids but were not trying for them if it happens though we'd be more than happy.

I would say, call your Dr. anyhow and get an appt for as soon as you return. If you experience pain along with, then go to an emergency center out of state. If its a matter of your life, its best to go do that even if away from home.

[view]

I have social anxiety bad. like I can barely be out in a crowd. no therapy has helped that. I mean, I can go out and all, but not with a lot of people and just stay there for hours. so I was wondering what jobs there are for home and more preferably a your own business kinda thing like pet grooming. im thinking about pet grooming, but im not 100% sure. what are other at home jobs? thank you

Lets take your example, pets have owners. Do you expect the owners to drop their pets off at your place instead of going to them? Thats fine if you do and they are willing. However, there will be contact with owners, even if briefly, so depending on how bad your anxiety is, you still have to interact with people.
If you are intending to provide a service oriented job to a customer, you will have to be able to handle picky customers who may not be happy with your service or be extremely hard to please. If anything can make a person without anxieiy issues to feel stress, picky, bad customers will do it.

I would think it better to work on your anxieties, get medication for it that actually helps, and any counseling that will help as well.

In the meanttime while working to overcome it, about the only thing I can think of that won't require facing another person even briefly, is if you are a creative person and have something you're good at making, or art perhaps that you put on ETSY or Amazon to sell and people send payment to your paypal account and you never have to meet them face to face.

Some people get licensed by the state to provide in home child care. But you have to like kids and again, thats service related and you'd have to get along with and interact with the parents briefly at the beginning and end of the day.

Some times a person can find work typing from home, but I'd think you still have to interact on a minimal basis with whomever is giving you the work to do and paying you.

If you think you can handle being out side of the house, taking on a custodian/janitorial job nights means its just you or a team of cleaners working on cleaning and there is little social interaction if any. Another outside the home job that may have little interaction is to find a landscaper, an independant person offering gardening help who has so many customers and more wanting them that they need to take on a helper. The only person you've have to interact with is that one business owner as you do exactly what gardening jobs they train u to do.
Thats all the ideas I have. So whatever you do for now, I'd still go for getting my anxiety issues treated by proffessionals at the same time so my options for future jobs would grow.

[view]

I am hungry all the time. I don't like eating big meals, so, no, I don't eat until I'm full. But really, I can spend the whole afternoon just munching on little snacks because I'm always hungry, I'm always craving something. I try to just eat my 3 meals a day, but I just always need something to nibble on, and I try not to eat 3 hours before going to bed, cause I know it's bad for you, but that's when I'm the most hungry. I drink coffee in the morning to tie my appetite. And all afternoon I'm just waiting and waiting for supper, just drinking tea and anything to keep from snacking. I'm tired of binging and feeling disgusting everyday. and yes I try and eat healthy, or eat protein, but nothing helps me not be constantly hungry, even if I'm constantly having tea or coffee, it still doesn't help.
Does anyone no anything about this and have any tips? I'm not trying to starve myself, but I see people go hours without eating, or having a big snack so they don't even eat supper... I want to be able to do that I'm sick of spending my day looking in the fridge.
And keeping myself busy doesn't help I'm just thinking about when the next time I can eat will be.

One last thing to add to whats already shared, there are lots of food that may provide a good calorie count for the day once totalled up but the calories in themselves be 'empty' calories, more salt, sugar fat and empty carbs than the actual needed protein, vitamins and minerals which is actually what the body needs for its fuel to run well like a well maintained car. If you are eating these and still have problems, then it is probably that you aren't getting enough calories. See your doctor and get in to see a dietician. This is not to go on a diet to lose weight but just to learn what is important for you, your age, height, weight and how much energy you expend in activity to learn what amounts of all the needed catagories you need to take in on a daily basis. I have seen a dietician too and find the information quite helpful.

[view]

I am 23 year old female dating a 27 year old male, We have been together for over a year and a half. I am growing very increasingly frustrated at his lack of time management. He is NEVER on time for anything, in fact he is always at least 30 minutes late. He will tell you he is ready at 1pm but really he isn't till 130pm. This is every single day, and while yet I have learned to tell him a half hour early most of the time, sometimes I can't. I have a very busy life and I work a lot, so when I have a day off I want to plan and do something fun, but it always seems to get ruined or delayed because of him. What does he do that makes him late? He sits on his ass watching tv and lies that he is ready and then rushes to get ready when it's already too late. I have had the most anger building up over this, we have had many discussions and arguments about him being late. I have told him he makes me feel so disrespected and how my time off is important whether it is 30 minutes late or not, I am always waiting on him. He always makes small lies about where he's at, saying he's right on the road on the way there yet he is just leaving his house.

What more can I even do before I finally become so miserable I have to break it off with him. How do you break up with someone you love just because they are never on time and you can't rely on them. Some days I am patient and it's not a big deal but other days I have so much anger and frustration it makes me a person who I have never been. I'm probably mostly writing this just to vent, since I shouldn't message my friends anymore because they can only hear it so many times lol.

What he does is nothing more than a bad habit. And its hard for a person to break a bad habit until they are personally fed up with being that way and are willing to really apply themselves to finding the right solution to breaking the cycle and willing to stick with it, by their own will, without encouragement from others.

When younger, my middle daughter always waiting til the last minute to take care of things, like handing us a permission slip for a field trip on the morning of that trip, with a need for money to go along with when my wallet was empty and they didnt want checks, just cash. As a result, she didnt get to go and cried up a storm but it was her fault. We began to even call her "last minute (her name)" all the time. Nothing we said or did changed that. What did help her change is learning to have some adult responsibility. Can't say it'll work for your boyfriend. But I do think that telling him that if he doesnt change within a given amount of time (the goal to meet) then you will count it as a deal breaker to staying with him. (the consequence)
For my daughter, she wanted money as a teen, her own money. We were always so poor and couldn't help with even cheap stuff plus Dad lost a few jobs in a row so we were always behind on bills.
So she decided to get a job. With a job, she had to be on time because if she wasn't, she'd be fired. It took getting a paycheck and enjoying the reward of being dependable for her to realize how important it was to not be late or last minute, especially with employment. SHe saw others let go for being consistantly late. She is now at your age, a very punctual person. So it is possible for a person to change with the right motivation. If giving him an ultimatum isnt enough to make the boyfriend change, then perhaps he doesn't care aboout you as deeply as you once thought. He can say I love you all he wants, but if he can't back it up with actions, then his words are meaningless.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker