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Does he like me or being nice?
There is this guy at my mom's work I have developed a sort of crush on. I always made sure to avoid him, because he seemed to have that power to make any girl like him and I don't want to get into that trance, but for the last couple of days I had no ride to work and I rode to my mom's work and stayed there until time for me to go to work (we work across the road from each other). During break times he would sit right across from me and talk, I was polite, but I am not good with talking and we seemed to have nothing to talk about, so it was me staring out the window and him staring out the other one. When we would talk it was us insulting one another( which is my humor and I am glad it caught on) and I had a strange feeling he was watching me. When I left my mom told me he thinks I hate him, but the thing is I think he hates me. He is really good friends with my mom, so I am trying to see if he is just being nice or if he is genuinely interested in me.
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When two people really don't know each other that well, it's hard for each to determine when one is being serious or just teasing and ones brand of humor. So tho you may think the insulting remarks was just humor, he didn't take it as such. Its one thing if you made an insulting remark, then smiled and said, just kidding and then went on to have some normal conversation. As a female, if I was sitting with you, not knowing you well and you acted this way to me, I'd easily be wondering what it is you have against me. That is how this behavior comes across.
May I suggest a notion here, being that once upon a time I used the same tactic you are using. I talked sarcastic, insulting and in an insulting way to teens my age, especially at church youth group where a good majority of the popular girls did so and I thought it might help me be more popular. In my case, I was using it to cover up the fact I had social anxiety or severe shyness issues. I had trouble talking to people. Could it just be that this isn't really you and just a cover up you are hiding behind. Don't be insulted, i am just curious because it isn't sending the right message you want.
Also you mention the guy being friends with your Mom. So he must be easy to approach. I assume he's closer to your age and yet able to befriend people of all ages. that should mean he is very easy to approach and talk to. Since you state you have a crush on him, something is going to have to change here. If you continue to act as you do towards him, you'll never find out if he's just being friendly or if its more than that. But may I remind you that the best of long term relationships like marriage even, all start with becoming best friends and then moving on to the romance or at least there is an equal balance of both right from the start. There are people in relationships who are unhappy because they are only friends and one wants to go further, the other doesn't, or they are not treating each other as friends but it is all about the sex and thats not enough to hold a relationship together cus at some point one or both of you will worry about someone looking sexier pulling one of you away from each other when its based only skin deep. The thing to do is hang out with a person, some call it dating, but spending enough time to really get to know someone to decide if you like what you see or whether they are not right for you. this means of course you'd need to have some idea of what you are looking for in a guy, what qualities. No one is making a commitment to each other in dating, to become boyfriend and girlfriend until they have a clue whether they like each other enough to want to stay together. So there is a kind of pre-dating to the dating as boyfriend girlfriend.
Just start next time with sharing the truth. It will win you points with him faster than anything else. You tell him that you've always not been good with conversation with people you don't really know and that you tend to cover it up, cover the silence with using sarcastic, insulting humor (which I truly don't consider humorous at all, but understand as I once used it too.) Then tell him, "I just didn't want you to get the impression that I didn't like you or want to talk to you. I thought I'd explain so at least you understand me a little better. Can we start again? And just try to be friends, maybe hang out more often at work, trade numbers and talk. I am not promising I want to be or will end up being a girlfriend. Right now, I just want to learn to become friends with people I find interesting."
Something like that in your own words should do it. That way, there's no pressure on him thinking you want to date him, even if down the line you decide you'd like that, that can scare a guy away who isn't ready to become a boyfriend in status with a girl whose personality he doesnt know yet from a friend status. Lots of guys are like that and you'll find you get further with them if you don't put them in an awkward position. This way, he can still make the moves on you when he is comfortable. If he never does, you let a guy know at some later point that if he were so inclined, you'd welcome that kind of attention, but if not, you'd continue looking elsewhere for that and he would just be a friend. It is very important to communicate well in any time you are relating to another human being. If we were all mind readers, theres be no assumptions, or misunderstandings. But since we cant read minds, it requires good communication in life with not just boyfriends, but friends, family, co-workers and boss, any person you find your self in a position needing to interact with. And since you find yourself in a place of feeling a bit awkward in that area, the best thing you can do is admit it to him and ask if he'd be willing to help you. Guys like to feel needed and causes them to want to be around a female who needs their help. Ask if he'd be willing to help you learn how to feel comfortable conversing with people other than your family. I know he'll feel honored and willing. I know it might feel scary to admit this all to him, but I also used to battle fears and when I stood up to my fears and did the thing I was so afraid of, the fear instantly went away. Fear is a big bully that makes itself sound scary and formidable but the moment you challenge it, it runs away, right away. So go for it girl, minus your brand of humor except for a very occasional dose of it, just not all the time.
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