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Can My Boyfriend and I Still Be Good Parents?
I am 24 and my boyfriend turns 26 in July. He is weird about having kids. For example, when we seriously thought I was pregnant the only reason why he wanted me to have an abortion was because he didn't think that we were financially stable enough for a child.
After we found out that I wasn't, I asked him whether or not having a baby with me would be that bad, if he had a full-time job and could support all of us. He said, "No, not at all." Just before mother's day this year, he joked, "You might be celebrating mother's day this time next year." Other times, he says he's never having kids.
While having a baby is out of the question for us right now because we cannot financially afford one, I would love to have his baby one day. Probably sooner than later, after we are more financially able to support ourselves.
The problem is that my mother is not a particularly loving mother. She is the type who wants to be the center of attention. I never had a cut or bruise on me from her, but she did hit me, and do things that I swear were done to hurt me. Over the years she has made up lies in an attempt to alienate me from other members of my family. When I call her out on them, it's as though they actually happened, and she gets angry at me for telling her that they are lies. Every time she had to do something for me, it was a complaint, and she is unhappy that I am a full-time student who hasn't held a job in over a year.
He really had no example of a good father either. Up until he was 9 years old, his grandfather alive and he would play sports with him. That's one of the reasons why my boyfriend loves to watch baseball, football and basketball so much.
His biological father was a heroin addict, who left him when he was two years old. For the next few years, up until he was 15, when his dad finally passed away, he saw him four times in his life.
Can we still be good parents, without a good example?
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"Can we still be good parents, without a good example?"
It doesn't matter. You have your heart set on having a baby, and that means that you are going to have one.
Do remember that babies are not babies for very long. What I suggest to you is that in your mental self-talk, you substitute the word "child" for "baby" every time you catch yourself doing it. Does this change your feelings towards the idea of having one? If it does, what does that mean?
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The fact that you are able to explain why both of your parents may not have been the best proves that you already know what would and would not make a good parent. You have seen the 'wrong' way of doing things and can therefore learn from this and be great parents yourselves.
Whether or not you are financially or for any other reason in the position to have children now is a different matter and something that should be thought of and discussed as a separate issue to you questioning your ability to be good parents.
You have the ability to be great parents for sure and once you find the means to do so will be.
Good Luck x
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Yes you can! Absoluteley!
Being good parenst isn't about your budget, it's about your mind and heart.
Parenting is about how much you care and love your children. If you feel like you have too little money, search up baby things and see how much they cost.
If you can't buy a baby crib, make one or borrow one from a friend! Use OLD t-shirts for diapers!
You can do many things without money, as long as you have a roof over your head and at LEAST two meals a day, then your all good.
For more info email me at: alwaysaiyana@gmail.com
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Yes. You can still be good parents.
My paternal grandfather was, by all reports, a terrible human being, but my father is one of the best men alive.
Just like some people can still be BAD parents - even if they had great examples - it's entirely possible to be a good parent without a great example. You have already made the first step to being great parents: You are talking about it and taking it seriously.
Don't worry too much. Every parent screws up, but people who want to be good parents and are willing to work to figure out what that means, they screw up much less then others.
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Yes indeed you can be. My husband is a good example of that. He came from a family where the children had to raise the parents, as the adults were so naive and didn't have a clue about even simple tasks around the home. His ex whom he had a child with came from a foster home where she was abused, and had no living blood relatives. They both had the same concerns and decided that they knew all the things not to do, and as long as they avoided doing those same things and doing the opposite, they would be fine, and they were. Their daughter is a normal healthy well adjust young adult. In fact, she turned out to be more scholastic, and ahead of her peers in many areas of life. A very intelligent person.
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