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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

My brothers birthday is coming up and he either wants a watch or a skateboard. Which should i get him (i can only afford one).

Well, depends on how well you know his tastes in watches or skateboards. Some who have never skated might be happy with anything to start with. Those wanting to upgrade may have something more specific in mind. As long as he doesnt mind not being surprised, ask what exact watch or skateboard he wants and get it for him. If he wants to be surprised, hey...its summer, he can have more fun and entertainment right now with a skateboard.

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My best friend has been in my life since childhood. We grew up together, went through middle and (most of) high school together. That was until our junior year when she got her first serious boyfriend. She was 16 and he was around 26. Within a few weeks she fell head over heels for him and started talking to me less and less. he would get mad when she came over, or even talked to me too much. he said i would get her hurt or not watch out for her well enough. she was her own person but he acted like she was his child. eventually he made her choose between us and ultimately she did, and we weren’t really true friends again until after graduation. i now understand that she’s in an abusive relationship. we have talked about that since then and she has come to terms with it. she has said she was scared before, and then the next day she will be happily in love. we both just turned 20 and for years it has been a roller coaster of a relationship. we will secretly reunite and email in private, sometimes even videotaping or meeting for lunch. she will always say she wants to leave him, but she never does. we will talk for months and get really attached again, it’s like we’re friendship soulmates in that way. she’s like a sister to me. i have a connection with her like no one else, ever. no matter how long it has been we will reunite and within weeks it will be like the old days. she will eventually tell him she wants to be my friend and then after a while he makes her choose. we will talk about a plan for her to leave him but she never follows through with it and i will be left in the dust. once or twice i have went with her to leave him (at hear request) and he always talks her out of it. he’s so controlling. she can’t see her friends, family, go anywhere, etc. she never leaves him no matter how depressed she becomes. it’s like a cycle, sometimes he will be okay and give her freedom, and then he will get worse again. that’s usually when she decides to email me again. i don’t want to victim blame but she is hurting me! even if she is in an abusive relationship. i want to help her and be there for her but it’s really negatively affecting me. i don’t think she wants to hurt me, but she definitely does. we were friends in secrets from january to march and then he found out and it eventually ended AGAIN. she just emailed me a few days ago saying: "this is nothing more than a happy birthday email. hope you’re doing okay, and so is your family and pets. i got another ferret, he’s the cutest. anyway, like i said this is nothing more than just a happy birthday. hope this doesn’t upset your day. “ /// i don’t know what to reply to this. i want to, but i don’t want to get hurt. what does she want from me? she says we can’t be friends and that she will never message me again until she leaves her boyfriend. does she want me to reply? is she just taunting me? it instantly upset me and i can’t stop thinking about it. what do i do? i miss my best friend more than anything. i don’t know what to do. i just want her back in my life but i don’t have much hope. i want to be there for her, what if her life is bad? from her social media she seems to be happy but i know looks can be deceiving. what does she want me to do? i’m so lost. i feel like such an idiot trying to go back and help her and then getting hurt over and over again.

People stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. You can lead a horse to water but cant force it to drink. this means you could suggest she leave, or go to a womens abuse center for counseling. But unless she is ready in her mind and wants to do so, it won't help her.

I married at 20 to a nice guy from church. Little did i know he would turn out to be mentally and emotionally abusive. We got into a cycle where he abused me, I got upset and avoided him or acted cold and he got over his anger, felt really bad and apologized and then it was good times again, like a honeymoon cycle. eventually pressure built in life or in negative thought patterns he had and he exploded again, abusing, apologizing, and the honeymoon cycle all over. However, as the years went on, instead of an even balance of good times bad times, the bad began to outweigh the good until eventually there was no happy recovery, respite time, it was all bad. And it was at that point the stress of it was hurting my physical health the worst.
Hon, even my own family tried to convince me to leave him early on but I didn't. Why? I was too naive. I believed too strongly the church doctrince I was told, that divorce is not acceptable to God and should be avoided, that I need to trust God to heal my marriage.

Eventually as I learned to pray and actually hear back from God, one day he told me to leave the hus band. That because of the free will he gave to everyone, He would not interfere with the path my husband was choosing and change him magically into a good man. I was told to leave or the physical impact of the stress i lived with would kill me in a handful of years. Once I heard all that I left. So there has to be a good enough reason but hon. I stuck with that man for 30 miserable years all because of my mindset. YOur friend is in a similar situation, and there is something she needs to learn like I did, actually it wsa something quite simple but hard to do. The best thing you can do is be willing to be on hand to take her to emergency womans shelter if she calls for help or encourage her to go to one...look it up for her, ans suggest counseling. I needed it too after I left my ex. It is very important to get back to healthy normal thinking and life. Don't go running over for every little thing or feel hurt, She cant help it right now and will be very confused. If you could get pamphlets from a womens abuse center to her to read without him knowing, great. If its too risky, just pray for her angels to get through to her so that she will want to leave him and seek help.

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I'm 20, female, straight. i cant connect with the opposite sex! I'm at that age where i want to find my life long partner, settle down and have kids with in the future, however, i just don't connect with any male in that way, i just don't find any sexual attraction, even if i really want there to be. Is there something wrong with me? As a child i always had low self esteem, plus I'm not exactly the prettiest girl,any male i have like would always be after my best friend of the time.. I've grown sort of use to this now, as its a joke how many times it has happened. I also had undiagnosed ptsd, i don't know, but could it be anxiety? Or maybe I'm just not meant to find someone. I just need advice, or if anyone could just help me see from a different angle that would be great!

When it comes down to the very basic of relationships, relating to friends coworkers, school mates not to mention family, you are going to be attracted to wanting to be around people who are friendly, outgoing, self confident, have a great self image. Ask yourself this question, how often are you attracted to even females for friends who are just like you or worse? I am not talking about forced to spend time with as no one else will, be out of your free choice...I don't think when given a choice the most people will choose to seek out people who are shy, anxious, have low self esteem and are very introverted, simply because it is very boring instead of stimulating and exciting. You are no different. So you can't blame people especially guys steering clear of you.
Hon, it everyone has a different taste in what they are attracted to looks wise. So yes, looks has a little bearing here. But it also means, there are guys who will like your looks, are attracted but once they get near and pick up on those invisible vibes of how you feel about yourself, they will lose interest. I read about a study often done on men when shown different women in a room to see which they were attracted to, not initially, but which they stayed hanging around with the most time. the choices were model types who were were insecure, boring, too ditzy, or the average to plain looking women who were self confident and outgoing, etc and more men are attracted to self confidence. The end results of the test is that they described many of the plainer looking self confident women as sexy. Yes, you read that right. I can assure you it is true. I am married, in 50s and just average looking but I still attract men who any moment my husband is not with me, will comment that I am a sexy or hot looking girl or lady. Not kidding you.

Guess what else? I used to be just like you, when in my teens. Extremely shy, fear of people, high social anxiety, low self image, no confidence, veyr introverted. I finally got tired of being like that, wanted so bad to change that I was willing to do whatever I had to just to get beyond it. This is what you need to do, to get to the point where you can go on with life, enjoy it and attract men. PTSD is one thing, lots of people have it, makes a relationship a bit more difficult but if there are many other wonderful exciting qualitys about the person, they are willing to work it out with you, learn how to best support you. One daughter has an ex military bf with PTSD. I've talked to him alot by phone and yes he indeed does have lots of issues, but I like him and his personality, enjoy talking to him and his sense of humor always has me laughing. So don't let PTSD be your excuse for not moving forward.

So hon, if you want to Learn either how to overcome shyness as I or both, let me know by writing to me from my column and I will give you those instructions as it is too much to add here right now.

Subconsciously your mind may have shut off any desire or attraction to men as a way to help you cope with the way you are right now. If you know you are definitely straight, this is a protective coping mechanism that does nothing to help you get what you so much want and deserve too dear.

It might help to see a doctor for mental health and get a professional diagnosis and any medications or counseling that would help in that dept. If you are ready and have the willpower to want to change to other stuff, I can help you with that. Others have followed my advice, dont know about here in column but in real life and it worked for them as well. But you have to be soo sick and tired of being this way and wanting to change or you wont go through with it. And its easy, follow steps at your own comfortable pace.
So let me know. Blessings!

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Ok i want to know how i can be immortal without making deals with satan and all his minions, being a vampire, etc. So how can i become immortal and live forever, but stay a certain age like 30 or something so i can do everything i want to. Any ways to be immortal?

since I do believe that Fairies and much of the creatures of fairy tales live in another dimension, and believe in Angels and other types of creatures god created, I can't say without a doubt that vampires don't exist. However, as the other advicegiver said, its likely they don't.

God didn't create devil and demons. And didn't create any of the other such creatures of darkness, evil, that do exist. These all were creatures of his creation at one point. Lucifer was known to be the most beautiful angel but God gives all his creation a choice, to want to live in heaven in His presence or not. Lucifer didn't want to, He wanted power and felt there was no point to living in heaven with God and convinced many angels to fight with HIm against god. They Chose to leave and where these fallen Angels went to is Planet earth, because he wanted to rule his own kingdom i suppose in a way and there was no other place he could go. He became know as the Devil and the other fallen angels as Demons. There are stories of demons appearing as solid man to mate against the will of human females to create a half mortal half immortal creature. That may be stories to explain away a made up dark creature and stories of vampires.

What you need to know is that a part of you is immortal in a way. The human body that houses your soul is mortal, it ages and dies. There is nothing you can do to make it live forever. Instead, I believe in reincarnation, the God allows your immortal soul to be born again into a new life and body as a baby, over and over. So once your current life ends, you get to do it all over and supposedly have a choice to an extent of what life you are born into. But you get the new existance without the memories of the past ones.

I have read many books of people who died in hosp. and were revived who could share stories of having seen their dead relatives most choosing to look as they did around the age of 30 on earth. If your soul was not immortal and died with your body, then all these different people who died and came back would not have seen any relatives souls.
there are stories as well of people for ages long ago hunting to find something called the fountain of youth...wanting to stop the aging process.

Once upon a time, if you've read the bible, the human body was capable of living many hundreds of year. Even during times of Noah. The Bible reports the human body lived 500, 800 years before dying. Still not immortal. The premise of the bible that the sin of man is what caused the eventual shortening of lives of the human mortal body, is what people are taught. Since I believe God does not destroy souls and send them to Hell, I don't believe He is capable of doing this.

Think about it a minute, if God did end the existance of any souls who have turned away from him, then he would have done the same with his other creations like the Fallen angels, but he has not because the existance of devil and demons has been confirmed by humans.

So what happens to people who feel they are too evil to deserve heaven and recieve Gods forgiveness, well, too many souls imaginations created a purgatory or Hell to go to according to the Urantia book.

If you are interested on learning about what happens to a soul after the human body dies, and that kind of immortality, then I suggest you read it. It is on line and has many stories about creation of earth, evolution, all the spiritual realms and creatures and their roles, how god interacts with us, our purpose and Jesus arrival on the earth and his teachings. It all answered a lot of questions for me. There will be no recipe how to make your human body immortal but the book once you complete it may have answered you as to why that is not so.

http://www.urantia.org/urantia-book/read-urantia-book-online

The main page says Read the Urantia book online with a long list of bullet points, each introductory chapter and then a list of "Papers" which are chapters the in book, 196 of them. There is a lot of info in here.
Sorry to disappoint you but I feel you may find this book to be very interesting. It does take a long time to finish though so take breaks as you need.

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im really confused on which one. i cant decide. if you were me, would you get a turtle or a guinea pig and why? thank you

I owned quinea pigs when the kids were little so am partial to them. they are fun to watch. When they have the freedom to watch walk across the room when out of their cage, they waddle like a kid with a sagging diaper on. They will accept food treats from your hand. Gave mine fresh dandelion leaves which they loved. At times they have subtles noises they make but their loud "Whee, whee, whee" squeal when they think you're about to feed them is hilarious. I had one that loved being petted. If i stopped petting, she move over to my hand and dig her head under it to bump it up to show she wanted more petting. Havent had a turtle but I would imagine turtles need less care. A guinea pig will need its cage changed often enough, fresh water daily, guinea pig food and give it fresh veggie bits like the peeled part off carrots that you would throw out anyway. If you handle them alot when young, they will become very sociable and crave your interaction. Give them also something to sharpen their teeth on a pet store.

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How do I ask out a girl at school and I'm a boy

If you are young, grade school, middle school, the only term people seem to understand or think valid here is "going out, asking out or dating".

What is happening here is that simply based on looks and what little of her behavior you can observe at school, you are 'attracted' to her. Attraction is the first step, It does not guarantee tho that both of you will still like each other once you get to know each other better.

I know you aren't best of friends with every guy in school. So why are your friends, your friends? Probably you have more things in common with them or things about them you liked better than in other guys, they were more fun or interesting. So you became friends.

Basically, this is the same thing that needs to happen with a girl. Your initial interest doesnt guarantee that you really will Like her or want to Date her for any extended amount of time once you get to know her. the same goes at any age, even as an other adult. So keep in mind that the first stage of getting to know more about a particular girl doesnt mean you are dating her or making a commitment to be her boyfriend. But at a young age, girls seem, due to inexperience, to assume if you ask her out, that you want her to be your girlfriend, a reality that you can not yet guarantee. this causes lots of hurt feelings, break up after only a few short weeks and lots of guilt feelings that are not necessary to go through.

So now, heres what you do. You take great care with what you say. You don't even know if the parents will allow her to 'go out' with a guy yet depending on her age. that would mean you are stuck to only being a boyfreind at school which means this will interfere with getting to know her better. But just tell her that you find her looks, maybe her laugh or smile attractive, and you would like to have the chance to spend some time with her so both of you can decide if you want to become bf/gf and date. If real young and she's not allowed out on single dates with a guy, check if she knows if a group date is okay with other kids, or lastly, would they allow a male friend of hers from school to come to their house just as any of her girlfriends do, to hang out with her. A few teens have done this, and the parents were around to chaperone and got to know the boy and found him to be a nice guy and really liked him. If you think you like a girl but aren't willing to meet her family like that, you may not be ready to start hanging out with a girl.
But try this. If you're stuck only seeing her at school, then spend any time you can asking her questions about herself. favorite music, food, hobbies, pastimes, what her hopes and dreams are, any siblings, what her parents are like, child hood memories, that sort of thing to get to know her. If she or you or both decide you dont have enough in common to find the other exciting enough to continue to spend time with, the best thing to say in splitting up is that you found you dont feel you have enough in common but thank her for being willing to get to know you. If older teens and theres romance involved, you can also say that you did not feel any chemistry.

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My mom wont let me do anything she wont even let me go to my friends house who lives down the street from me and she didnt even lwt me go to the semi formal how do i get her to loosen up.

I think there may be some information missing here.
Unless she's a person who's lived her entire life with lots of fears, phobias and and untreated anxiety disorder, then there has to be a logical reason why. Have you even asked why? If she asks, 'Because I said so," thats not an answer and she's being evasive or actually has no good reason for holding you back.
A semi formal? Hmm, it makes me guess you are in middle school or high school. these dances have adult chaperones and are a school event and safe to attend. I see no reason for not allowing you to go. generally these are at night and depending on time of year, its generally dark by the end of the dance which means you'd require at least a ride home if not one to the dance also. A parent whose schedule is too busy or doesn't want to be bothered will generally say no for this one reason. I was a parent and caught myself about to say no and realized I was being unfair. Sometimes for things like this, I'd coordinate being the one to either take my daughter and her friends there, if one of the other moms did the delivering back home later.

And that brings me to the first thing you mentioned. Not allowing you to go to a friends house down the street. Either you are grounded for some reason or have broken Moms trust too many times that she doesnt want you out of her sight or its something else. First, be honest, if you have screwed up but have decided to clean up your act, its going to be hard to regain her trust. But it can be done. Own up to your mistakes and ask her under what circumstances she'd allow you to go, how can you rebuild her trust in you. Sometimes its simply seeing that attitude change that will loosen her up.

Now as a parent, I knew of a family 3 doors away where the twins loved to play with my daughter but dad generally worked two jobs and mom was a drug addict who invited other druggie friend over for a drug party and they were either high or sprawled out unconscious. I knew another friend who had a widowed Dad, no mom. Moms and Dads are leery about having their young kids out of sight in the home of someone they dont know because they dont know if you'll witness emotional or physical abuse between family members or worse, a parent has a hidden pedophile problem, or are deviant or perverts somehow or would rape ones child, or are drug users, or some other thing they are trying to protect you from. However to keep a child at home and not allow them to go elsewhere for fear of what could happen, or simply cus you dont know the parents is not the right thing either. Perhaps this could be why you've never been allowed to visit a friend. What I did is when my daughter wanted to go to a friends house, starting in grade school already, I made sure to meet the parents. I am a pretty good judge of character but i ALSO taught my kids what warning signs were not okay with me and to report them. they would not be prevented from seeing their friend the friends could then come to our home but she wouldnt be allowed in theirs.
Often a child would not give mom my note and phone number asking to meet them before my daughter was allowed over. Often I walked with my daughter following her friend home, a kid who insisted mom would be home. We got there, no parent home. the kid says to wait cus mom should be back any minute. I felt awkward being in this persons homes as the time ticked by. Something like 45 mins later, the woman comes home from work and walks in, looks at me, smiles and leaves the room to go to kitchen or elsewhere, without even asking who I am and why I am sitting there on her couch. If she didn't give that much a care about who I was, I certainly was never going to allow my child to go there, only her friend could come to our place. I met lots of parents I liked and many I befriended myself. It just may be that your Mom truly is busy or uses busy-ness as the excuse cus she just doesnt want to be bothered or perhaps she is too shy and introverted to make the first move and ask the other parents to meet them. No parent ever thought it odd I wanted to meet them before my daughter was allowed there. I got to spend extensive time getting to know the single dad too and felt he was safe and daughter never had any inappropriate behavior to tell me about him as I asked occasionally. So if Moms just over protective, perhaps you could call and tell your friends mom of your situation and ask if she'd be willing to meet with your mom so mom can feel better about you spending time there. Give her your home phone or moms cell and ask her to call your mom to set it up as mom is shy. I don't see that Mom should have a problem with that. If all else fails, talk to an aunt perhaps who lives close enough, whom you feel close to and can talk to, let her know honestly what's going on and see if she is willing to talk to your mom. Sometimes a parent is more willing to listen to their sibling or inlaw rather than their child. Its not right but thats how it is. I remember a couple times when my own sister told me 2 daughter approached her with different issues they felt they could not talk to me about because of my narrow minded attitudes on other life issues. Iam glad to say I have changed, and took my sisters words to heart, apologized to my kids and had better communication after that.
I hope all this helps. If you'd been more specific I might not have needed to cover as much as i did.

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I am going to be a 6th grader soon, any tips or advice?

Sure, I'd be glad to share what was most important to me at that age and hope it gives you some things to think about.

I was shy, or had severe social anxiety as its called today. If you do, and many teens have that, it would be a good thing to start working on right away to get past it, get over it and become more outgoing. Some personality types are more quiet and introverted but getting rid of the fear to talk to others, share your ideas, feelings, stories without worry about what others think will pave the way for a much more happy experience during your middle school days. So hun, if you do have a problem with that, or with at least talking to guys, let me know by contacting me from my column, let me know you want the instructions on overcoming shyness and I will share that.

Another important thing to keep in mind, is that the hormones of puberty are raging through both girls and boys alike and since i don't know which you are, I'll cover both examples. If a girl, girls emotions get altered greatly at this stage by hormones and stabilize by late teens. What this means is that for no good reason at all, girls can become extremely sad and weepy, to the extreme of depressed and suicidal. this is the time when many girls begin cutting themselves. the sad/crying part is normal, the depression not and usually a sign that your hormones are way out of balance and causing you to feel and become that way. the other changes are girls getting easily angry or irritated or acting hateful, usually toward other close females, mother, sister, friend, even female teachers. It is important to know this, because of this emotional response changes, and guys can get them too, too much or not enough testosterone, that some middle schoolers will not be acting like themselves, or get mad at you, it helps to know its not something you;ve personally done wrong but their hormones out of whack. On the male side, the hormones make them horny all the time and wanting so badly to have sex. Guys in general tend to have a different emotional makeup at this stage of life, able to have sex because of lust, not love.
Girls on the other hand want the whole relationship, the friendship first or at the same time with sexual attraction, and its more often the girl wants love, not lust and being used for sex only. though I recommend waiting until out of middle school, the fact is many decide to have sex but are not emotionally mature, not lack any information, are not knowledgeable on anything regarding sex, both the functions of female and male organs, the differences in periods at this age, whats normal and whats not, how to prevent becoming pregnant, discovering what ones sexuality/gender is, etc. It isn't taught in schools anymore or very little taught at all. So I have something to share with you, a you tube blog site of a girl who started as a teen self teaching and learning all she could about the actual true facts regarding sex, gender id, dating and relationships. She is now in her 20's and even tho I am in my 50s, I find what she has to share, right to the point, entertaining, short video with real helpful info. I highly recommend you bookmark her, watch all the clips as often as you need and tell all your friends of both sexes about her as I wish I had something like that when I was your age. We didn't even have internet and computers yet back then. So you have wonderful tools if you realize they are there and easy to reach. Heres the website:

www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

Another thing to keep in mind is that peer pressure begins to get strong at this age. Teens generally have a low self confidence or low self image, are always comparing themselves to others, worried about being liked or accepted and therefore willing to jump through all sorts of hoops to gain friends, and be accepted and have a good self confidence. Another things added into the mix that cause teens to make a lot of dumb mistakes at this age (hey I remember this age) is that while the bodys are maturing so they feel grown up, their minds are scientifically proven to be farther behind and will not be totally mature and done growing until ones mid twenties. This means, how a person reasons things, acts towards and treats others and their decision making are greatly affected to the point that basically mostly immature things are said or done or tried and it hurts the person and many others. If you can understand that others are going through this, its easier to not take things personally and hold things against them and also cause you to do more of what you already have, asking for advice. Your parents are a good source of information. Any issues you have, problems with friends, or even dating and understanding the opposite sex, or idea you want to do cus friends asked, are all good things to bounce off an adult you trust. So if the parents dont have time or care, find an aunt or uncle or grandparent or even a parent of a best friend of yours who knows you well and you like. Have frank talks with them.

Why do I share all this stuff when you were only asking for tips on being a 6th grader? Because all these things WILL affect how you do in school, in your grades, how you make friends, all the things that are part of these early teen years.
If you have any specific questions or something you're wondering about, contact me from my column and I'd be glad to help with them.
good luck and enjoy your middle school years.

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She work in bank in out of city but she his very sexy and I know that she have 2 boyfriend lovers and left her but she will come to our home rarley and she will sleep in my bedroom I want her to fuck how to ask her
From ramesh gujurath

You dont share enough information. And its really not important to know where she works or what she looks like if you are interested in having sex with a woman. You say she's had two lovers before who left, and by that I am guessing you mean she is now single again.
I know you are using a translater so let me clarify what you were saying. I do not understand why of all the customers at the bank she works at, that she would come to your home. Does she know other family members of yours, and is she friends with them? If she works in the band, I must guess she is an adult. the question is, are you an adult. I dont know what the age of consent is in your country but if you are under that age, convincing any female who is an adult to have sex with an underage boy will get her in trouble with the law if your country has such laws. We do in the U.S. and the adult ends up in prison/jail.

So if you are too young, don't even ask, just masturbate to take care of your needs for now.

You also say she comes to the home rarely. Rarely means that she does not come by your house very often, she very seldom visits. If you meant the opposite, that she comes to your home all the time, and visits there often and when she does, the family give her your bedroom to stay overnight, then where do they expect you to sleep, on the floor or share the same bed. Something about that does not sound right. Depending on the type of girl she is, no matter for what reason she visits your home, there are different ways to approach her if at all. If she is a female who is not looking for a love relationship with a man and only wants sex, then you can come right out and tell her you are attracted to her sexually, but only if both of you are of legal age. If she is willing, you need to be mature enough to discuss birth control with her so she doesnt become pregnant or contract sexual disease or pass it to you. You need to supply condoms and it might be even better if she were on some sort of birth control like a pill.

If she is the type of girl who wants the whole relationship, which is what most women want, they want the man to become not only their lover but their best friend and for long term or for lifetime. If this is who she is, then you need to ask yourself if you have an interest in her character and personality as well as her sexy body. If you do, then befriend her, treat her well, be a gentleman and do not press for sex but show your attraction in holding hands, being near, hugs and cuddles and kisses. You develop some friendship first. But let her know once friends that you are very interested in moving on to having sex with her but that you will leave it up to her to make the first move when she is ready. Or you can ask her how she feels, if she is even sexually attracted to you, and that doesnt always have anything to do with looks. A person can be handsome, beautiful sexy looking but the two people not have that invisible quality between them that both feels, its called chemistry. If only you feel it, she will not ever want sex with you, even if she likes you as a friend. So talk and communicating as friends is important. This is basically how you go about getting to the point of having sex with a woman.

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I have a friend, I've known her for 5 years. I've been noticing that she basically tries to be me. At first I thought we had 3 to 4 things in common but now she like copies evrything about me. I decided to dye my ends blonde, the next day she dyed her ends blonde. I told her that I love American Horror Story and she did too and she has never told me about that. I told her that I wanted to be the Joker for halloween. She said it was her idea first. There are so many more things. I skip araound a lot then she purposly skips infront of me. I wear huge sweater with converse she decided to get converse and a bog sweater. She even told me that she wanted to get a pair of chucktaylors of mine (I'm obssesed with converse) She has changed so much, and she told me that she has always been that way. What shiuld I do?

Obviously, you can't stop her. So maybe the best thing is to change how you think about it and perhaps knowing why she does it will help.

No, you can't ask her why, she'd deny it, or really not know why she does it. But when a person basically copies everything they see someone else do, its for a couple possible reasons:

She may have a low self esteem and see's you as being more popular or more self confident so she adopts what you are doing, the outside stuff like hair, clothes, even way of talking and mannerisms can be copied, in hopes in will make her feel more like you. This is actually a compliment to you that she thinks so highly of you.
But in reality, any outside applications of change are not going to affect or change how she truly feels about herself as those issues, if she has them, are something on the inside and can only be affected by learning different positive ways to think about herself, something that a counselor can help with if she's an adult. If she is still a child or teen, the majority in that age group are not very self assured or confident and always extremely concerned about being liked and it actually is a very common thing amony teens to copy each other.

Also, more personality types are followers rather than leaders, creators, innovators and inventors. Without those qualities it is hard for a person to come up with an original idea of their own. I am older, in my fifties but remember clearly how shy I was as a kid, certainly not a leader, but mom gave me a pair of pantyhose that were simply too small for her but fit me perfect when I was in 6th grade. I asked where I would wear it tho. She said, wear it with a dress to school, so I did. Boy oh boy did I get the stares and whispers but not a single kid said anything nice to me, however ALL the female teachers complimented me how good I looked and the girls heard. the very next morning, 75 % of the girls were wearing pantyhose and had runs and holes in them by halfway thru the day. Instead of feeling upset they copied me, I felt smug knowing for once I thought of doing something first, set a new trend and was better at keep my pantyhose from getting ruined.
It really is all in the attitude you decide to take. If it helps, once a person reaches their late 20's or about to turn 30, most go thru a phase of trying to define themselves, discover who they really are. They stop following their peers, or doing what peers or society expect of them or parents exspectations, etc...and take the time to learn and discover who they really are and what makes them happy. I dont know why it generally happens that late for the majority of people but it does. there may be some discoveries along the way, minor ones in the teen or college years, and there's always the few who learn earlier on how to march to the beat of their own drum, knowing who they really are.

For me this really started in middle school. All the kids copied each other and wore the latest trends in clothes. I bought the styles I liked and colors I liked which often were quite different than what others wore, and did so because I felt good in them, liked how I looked in them and didnt care what they thought, even if I had to endure teasing. I really didn't want to become one faceless person in the crowd but to stand out and be unique and be me. So yes, some teens can do that, maybe thats you. If it is, do and wear what makes you happy and makes you feel like you are expressing your inner self. You can't change that your friend or others may copy you because they are not ready to find themselves. Eventually someday they will. SHe likely has a low self esteem and needs to get some compliments so if you really are a good friend, when she struts around in something new she copied from you, compliment her, thats what she needs right now, tell her how nice she looks. Once she gets the compliments and upbuilding and support to her low self esteem, she'll likely stop being so combatative and saying things like she thought of something first. If in all other ways, she is a good friend, then do this for her if you really care about her. Someday, when she's older and notices that others are not complimenting her because certain colors or styles look terrible on her, she will wonder. When she's ready, you can then be honest and tell her that people have different skin types and body shapes that look better in some things, worse in others. Just say for example that the dress cut and style is okay for example but the pattern or color not complimentary to her skin type. Just share honestly and ask if she'd like help with trying things on. this would be the best attitude I can recommend you take to deal with your situation.

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Hi. For summer 2015 I really really want to do a 1 week full day session of gymnastics. I'm tired of not being active. My parents would love for me to do it, but the problem is cost. I'm only 12… it's $375. I have $0. Any advice? I come from a really poor family…

Well you dont have much time to raise money, it would've been better raising funds already in April and May. But being its summer, neighbors may be going on vacation. Not all places welcome pets so they may need a pet sitter or someone just to walk their dog. Ask around your neighborhood or have the parents mention to friends and coworkers who live nearby, that you are will to pet sit. Your parents would have to be willing to allow you at 12 to do such a thing and be close enough for you to call in case of emergency such as a pet becoming ill. At age 12, my step daughter was creating outfits in the IMVU online game/venue and people were buying her outfits. She was earning money and needed a way for them to pay her and got a paypal acct with parents permission and also with their help, her own savings account where the funds could be transfered. If you are good at art or some such thing, there may be opportunity to earn money there. You may not be able to raise enough in time to attend but it is still a good idea to pursue, especially considering the parents are financially tight on funds so even getting the shoes or clothes you want or being able to go out to a movie with friends will always be out of the question. Is it better to start earning your own money now and saving it up for other future things you are going to want money to pay for just as badly. If there are any elderly neighbors, they can always use extra help but never ask for it cus they also live on a tight budget but they will be willing to pay something you can agree on per job. If you can't come up with ideas that pan out, start telling every adult you know that you want to start earning your own money, ask teachers, neighbors or your girlfriends parents, and your own, for ideas. What do they do that they hate to do and would be willing to pay a kid to do it for them? I remember once seeing a youtube video of two girls, sisters maybe 8 and 10 who soon had a full fledged business going daily to different neighbors yards to scoop up pets poop and got paid for it. It is not a glamorous job and I can attest that I hated doing it. If some kid came along and was willing to do it for a reasonable rate, I would have hired them, seriously. Again, your parents need to be okay with who you approach for work and know the people or at least willing to meet them. Never go in the peoples homes, just have them pay you at the door.It would be safest if one parent was willing to take a little time each night until they've walked with you to all the neighbors nearby and also again with you at weeks end to go collecting your pay. These sisters were so busy they were turning away jobs as I heard.
Hope this all helps

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Hi I'm a 19 year old single female and I have a male friend who is 49 he always acts odd when my mom is around and when he is alone with me he puts his fingers in between my fingers and rubs my hand.
I lost my father to suicide 3 years ago and I don't really know if he is trying to be supportive or just creepy btw one time I was walking and my mom was inside the house when he put his hand in my back jean pocket I don't know if he was feeling my butt or what he was doing.
But I would really prefer if a guy would answer this question for me thanks.:)

It doesnt take another male to know whats going on. He probably feels awkward when Mom is around because of his age being closer to hers than yours if he is your friend and not a friend of the family or her friend. I am guessing he started hanging around at your house alot after your Dad died. Maybe he is trying to be supportive but supportive doesnt mean touching you or your mother without asking if he may. He is made bold advances to touch to see whether you will protest or not. If you do not want him to pursue you sexually, then even if it may seem innocent to you, it really isn't. A gentleman doesnt touch a woman unless they both have feelings for each other and either she makes the first move or gives her okay for him to touch her in such manners. Since you find it creepy, better say something to him and to mom. that this is not welcome and you want him to stop. If you say nothing, the day may come when no one is around to help you and he forces you sexually.
Support would be something like talking to you both, maybe asking if things are tight financially with Dad gone, and letting Mom know to just ask if she needs help covering a bill, or ask if she needs repair help on the house done like if she can't fix a leaky faucet or broken toilet, or something helpful like mowing the lawn if youre in a house. THAT would be supportive, what he is doing is not. Now that the male in the family is gone, he figures either you or Mom are now easy prey for his advances and for all you know he may have been fantasizing about you or her or both for years while Dad was still around and sees this as his chance to fulfill his fantasies, by taking it slowly so not to scare you. Hey, its just a guess that bit about his fantasys but could possibly explain whats going on.

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Hi i am 16 and my last relationship with a guy who is more than 6yrs older than me.We never had sex because it was sort of a LDR. We would send dirty pics and videos but honestly i liked to do it for my bf... he would masturbate over me and i would just barely touch myself ...just place my hand. My bf and i broke up but we still talk as normal. But i am now really horny for him. Recently i have start playing with my clitoris so that i can have an orgasm.It doesnt work and i have to to it more than 3 times a day.i feel guilty in the end and say i would stop but i cant.when i touch myself my pelvic area hurts and ankle. I dont even know how an orgasm feels or what suppose to happen.i hate feeling horny and not touching myself until i feel better but i also hate touching myself. I dont watch sex videos because i dont want to be addicted to it. What should i do continue touching since i can not penetrate myself or stop? If i should stop how can i?

At your age, I had trouble too. Its a matter of practice and learning to notice what places to touch, use lube to increase the friction, use different speeds, and softer or harder rubbing. Experiment until you finally have an orgasm.

You will want a time and place where you're not going to be disturbed. For starters, laying in bed is best. There are a couple basic ways to massage down there.

Using just one finger (your index finger is best), very lightly and softly glide over the middle of your vagina and clitoris, from top to bottom, up and down. Really listen to your body to feel which areas provide the most pleasure and stimulation when touched.

Above your vagina is your clitoris, under the clitoral hood. For many women, your clitoris will provide you with the most pleasure when masturbating. Simply rub your finger over and back side to side. Or try concentrating on massaging just towards one side of the clit and then the other. I tend to be more sensitive on one side than the other. Everyone is different so theres really no right or wrong. Make sure to experiment with the amount of pressure you apply along with how fast you are stroking.

There is nothing wrong with touching yourself. Its natural and do it as often as you need. I remember when young doing it over and over until I had about 3 orgasms in an evening.

As to how it feels, or what happens, its hard to put into words. You know what adrenaline feels like when you've been scared or something, that pounding racing feeling in your heart and veins. Well, thats the closet I can describe what your body can feel with shorter breaths or heavier breathing, and it starts as a nice tingle in the area you massage and then like a coil, feelings start winding up tighter and tighter, growing stronger and spreading to consume the whole pelvic region or for some, experiencing the sensation full body until you reach the most intense pinnacle where it feels like all the sensations explode in you and then slowly start unwinding again. Once you're really good at this, you can even experience after shocks. Like after a major earthquake, where your body jerks ramdomly , or the womb does, for a split second, as these after shocks slowly grow weaker. You can also experience your legs feeling limp as noodles and unable to move or walk for a minute or two. It doesnt happen every time for everyone but thought to mention it as I wasnt expecting it as a teen and it scared the crap out of me. Once you get this all figured out, the next step will be your g-spot. Dont worry about that though. If and when you do get ready to attempt g spot manipulation for a different kind of orgasm, also good, look up info on line, or better yet, write to me and I'll explain best I can. There are still so many people who believe it is a myth and women aren't capable of doing so but that is so false. Scientists have recently made great strides in learning more of the female g spot and how that all works.
good luck dear.

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Hi guys! I'm 20, the guy I'm seeing is 22.

We've gone on a couple of dates. He always picks me up. Sometimes he'll pay, sometimes (against his arguing) I'll pay. We enjoy each other's company a lot. I always have a really good time with him and he's always laughing and seeming like he's having a good time too.

I say "the guy I'm seeing" because we aren't officially official. However, he is good friends with one of my supervisors at work and my supervisor told me that in his mind, we are together. That's 100% fine with me that he wants us to be and thinks that we are, but I guess, me being a girl wants him to officially ask me. I'm not saying now or on the next date or I'm getting out and leaving him. I just believe that if he already thinks we are, why doesn't he just make it official? Is it because he's a guy and doesn't think the title means anything?

Also, there's still some awkwardness between us. When we're out and doing things like having dinner or ice cream or tonight we went bowling, we're fine and we're having a great time, he's his normal self being sassy and funny. But it's like when we get back to my house when it's time for me to get out, it gets tense. I don't know if it's because he doesn't know what to do or what. I read somewhere a quote that went something along the lines of "when you meet your soulmate, you should not feel nervous" and I obviously, again, am not saying I want out since we're both still a little awkward sometimes but I just want to know how long until the awkwardness goes away? Will we be fine and happy and never awkward after our first kiss? My uncle said something the other day that kind of made me mad because now every time I'm out with him, it's all I think about. When I told my uncle about him, he said "did he hold your hand? kiss you?" and when I told him no, he said "so it was just two friends going out?" But he pays and picks me up and when my supervisor asked him if we were dating, he said we were. After bowling, it was raining tonight too, he even offered to drive his car up so I didn't have to walk in the rain but I said no, I liked the rain so we walked to his car together in the rain......perfect time for a first kiss, eh? But no.

He's even kind of odd in how he makes plans. He usually always texts me and asks me when I'm free and then continues on in asking if I'd be interested in whatever plan he thought of. But the one night we were supposed to go out, he texted me that he hates he has to do it, but he needed to reschedule. He said his dog got sick and his mom was away so he wanted to keep an eye on him. Which is fine, I totally get it, I would want to do the same if my dog was sick. But it got me thinking, why didn't he just ask if I wanted to hang out at his place then, instead of just rescheduling the entire day? Which brought me back to thinking when we were out a couple nights ago, he kept looking at his phone so I asked him what was up and if he had to go. He said he doesn't have to but his mom was away and his dogs were cooped in the kitchen all day while she was gone and he was at work so he wanted to go home and walk them soon. I understood so I told him we could go, he asked if I wanted to go back to his house to join him and I said okay, that sounds fun but when we got in his car, it's either he forgot he asked me or he regret asking me to go back to his place with him because he just drove me back to my house. Akwardness ensued then, I told him when I was off and he said he'd keep in touch and I thanked him for everything and just got out.

So, I guess any input is appreciated on the above questions. I do like him a lot and I do want this to last and I think he does too. I know this is just a small speed bump we have to get over. I guess I'm just wondering how long.

Thanks!



This situation could be several different scenerio's all of which just guessing and wondering about do not help answer any questions for you. I can come up with all sorts of plausible explanations and could name a few so you understand the importance of needing to have a talk with him and exactly what to ask.

First tho, people have varying idea's of dating or call it seeing someone. That can affect one or the other simply by their mind set and how they perceive things which may not be as they think.

I do not know how long you have been dating but lets concentrate on two people who have hung out together now for about two months. It also depends on how often the two see each other, if once a week, then in 2 months they have only been together 8 times versus seeing each other 3 times a week to equal 24 times in 2 months. Then it also depends upon the form of what they do...sit in a movie theatre not talking, busy eating dinner out and not talking as much as could be possible, or even other stuff like bike riding together which isn't the best way to converse either. There are two main objectives to spending itme with another person when wanting to determine if beyond their looks, you find enough about their character and personality to be a good match for you or not, the kind of match you could live the rest of your life with, married or not. First objective is to talk and talk and talk, about anything and everything. What are each others views on things going on in the world, what the childhood was like, ones hobbies, what each is motivated by most, what ones hopes and dreams are, pet peeves, spiritual beliefs if any, views and thoughts on children, animals, the homeless...there is SOOO much to learn about the other person that talking alone is enough to fill time together, just walking or sitting somewhere and finding out as much as each can about each other. The other objectives is to get real glimpses of their character as far as how they handle themselves, or act when happy, when sad, when irritated, angry, when ill, when stressed, etc... and how they treat you during those times. Mind you, a person will be one their best behavior being careful even when irritated or angry to not let you see and not let it out on you. But there comes a time when a person becomes comfortable and lets down their guard and lets their real self show through. that usually happens after a couple of months. this is all important in the big picture and I hope you see the importance of really getting to know who he is, and even what he is looking for, like just a social companion, just a friend, a girlfriend, or is he ready to settle down and just hoping to find the girl he wants to marry. You can not assume because he treats you nice and is 'seeing you' that it is for one reason over the other.

Heres why. There is a logical chain of steps that take place between two people. First they are attracted to what they see. Its a given if someone is paying you attention that you are fairly pleasant on the eyes to them. this attraction will compell a person to want to spend more time with the other to get a feel for who they are, like an initial investigative fact gathering event. This step shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 dates to know you really want to date this person exclusively. Even after a while of this, it is natural to discover some hidden qualities that are definitely a deal breaker and you break up with each other. But until the two are ready to commit to seeing only each other and not keeping options open and seeing several if the case may be at the investigating stage, you can't expect to be considered dating as a committed couple and being each others bf/gf. When divorced and dating again, I might meet 2 or 3 guys at the same time from a dating site that all sounded good and not wanting to lose a chance with either, I made it clear I was going to spend some time meeting with and seeing all of them so a guy knew he wasnt the only one...and believe me, they were all okay with it. I have found that a good amount of males operate this way too. Only they sometimes take too much time in the investigative stage before moving on the the dating, commitment to being bf/gf stage. this means they have decided on one person over all the others. Some have trouble deciding because they are not in touch with themselves and don't have a clue exactly what they are looking for in a mate so of course they aren't sure when they find it. this could be his issue. Or your guy may be keeping his options open and talking to other girls which is best to let you know up front but most young folks cant handle that not to mention girls who become jealous. There is no need yet as they have not verbally made a commitment to be your only partner until such time as both of you decide to split if ever. Most people aren't mature enough to do so.

On the other hand, your guy may be the extreme gentleman, leaving it to you to make the first move. Young people don't have the same experience as older adults in knowing when another person is truly enamored of them, attracted both sexually and to your personality. So lets stick with just the kissing and hand holding part. there has to be desire of some sort, a lust or more a caring love desire. If a guy finds you sexually attractive, you should be able to see the change in his eyes in how the eyes seem to darken as the pupils expand. There's other body language too, does he lean towards you in convo, or stand very close to you? People do this when attracted or find opportunity during conversation to touch, like a pat on the shoulder or playful punch on the arm in teasing. this all shows a strong attraction. If the person is doing any of this, you can feel safe to make the first move and hug, cuddle and kiss him. If he isn't showing any such signs of desire for you, somethings up. It could be he's a virgin and horribly ashamed and afraid of the girl's reaction, so he's frozen in fear unable to act, he could be asexual or gay and only looking for the friendship or emotional attachment but not sexual one, who knows. there are probably a few more scenerio's. So you really need to have a good talk that covers why he asked you out in the first place. dont sound like you're grilling or interrogating him, just ask in a curious smiling manner. Ask him what you failed to ask in the beginning, what is he really looking for, friend, social companion or a girl to fall in love with and settle down with. You have a right to know this at the very beginning. I met many males who were so wanting a sex partner that they thought once I met them, I would be okay with that and forego my wishes to find my next mate, the husband I would be with til my dying day. So I learned quickly to make clear what I was looking for and ask what they were looking for. I had a bigger list of criteria I shared on the first, initial date of what I was looking for in case they hadn't got that from my dating profile, for i did not want to waste my time with someone that I'd find in a month or two was not the right one for me. Tell him what you're looking for and find out what he wants. If he has no clue, ask him some questions, start taking the time to learn about him. Does he love kids and want to be a father someday. If not and you want kids, there is no halfway compromise on this, you can't halfway have a kid so this is a deal breaker, and you break up and look elsewhere for your guy. Why settle for less. You may be happy initially but in the end it was a given you'd be miserable when you could not change his mind on kids. there are other such things about a person that can be a deal breaker too. So ask the kinds of questions that get him thinking about himself and really asking himself what indeed he likes, believes, stands for, and what he's looking for in a woman. Dont take the answer, "You're what I'm looking for." thats evasive and says nothing as he hasn't given the list of details as to what qualities then in you it is that he is looking for, if he can't explain, he just may not be ready for a serious relationship.

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So I have a guy who said that he was going to show me whats inside of him what does that exactly mean bte I'm a girl and I'm 19.

beats me. that is a very odd statement. Didn't you ask at the time what he meant by that.
I mean really, everyone had the sames sets of organs in them, liver, lungs heart. I am sure he didn't mean that. Maybe he meant to say he'd like to share with you whats on his mind, what occupies most his thoughts, or what moves his heart, maybe he meant to say something like 'I am an open book and you can ask me anything you want and I will share it with you. But showing you whats inside him, thats an odd way to put it.

Lastly, could it mean something sexual or his feelings for you? I don't know. The penis is not inside him so logically he can't mean that. He can't expect you to be a mind reader and needs help with how to express himself better but you also need to ask questions dear. Even if the moment is now past, next time you see him you say, "You know, I've been wondering about that curious statement you made the other day and didnt think to ask at the time, so exactly what could possibly be hidden inside you that you want to show me?" that should do the trick. If you still don't understand any answers he gives to that, let me know what he says, and I'll see if I can figure out the next step for you. But its best if you dont understand his answers to say right at the time, sorry, but I just don't understand what you are trying to say. Try to explain it in a different way.

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This is long - sorry

So last night my best friend and I went to a concert together. We were drinking quite a bit and I got tired and overwhelmed by the crowd. About 30 minutes before the end of the show, I asked her a few times if she was ready to leave. She reacted REALLY angry and told me to leave without her. I was taken aback by her reaction - I think it was a bit overreacting. Well I wasn't about to leave her, especially since she was staying at my house that night. I went and sat outside the crowd, and told her where I was. I texted her to meet me whenever she was ready, no rush.

Well the concert ended and everyone cleared out - there was no sign of her. I called her and she said she couldn't find me so she was in a cab to the train station. I don't even think she looked for me, because I told her a distinct landmark that I was right in front of. But anyways, I got in a cab and followed to the train station.

Once I got there, I found her and gave her the ticket. She started yelling that I was being a bitch and I just apologized and asked her what I could do to make it better. She just walked away. She disappeared and did not sit with me on the train, and ended up sleeping at her ex boyfriend's house rather than mine. I texted her a long, sincere apology - no response. I haven't heard from her since.

Anyway, I think she should apologize for overreacting, but I know I will never get that out of her. We've been friends for 18 years and have had fights like this before. It always happens that everything is my fault and I'm a terrible friend, and she can do no wrong (not always true, of course).

I guess I just have to give her time? Any suggestions/comments/advice would be great! Even if you agree that I'm a bitch and deserve the anger :)

My initial feeling is that she over-reacted. You do later explain that she tends to be like this as the norm for her. So I am not surprised. If someone treated me like this consistantly I would never have hung around 18 years with them. But you must see something worthwhile in her to put up with the crap.

I know that depending, concert tickets have to be planned in advance and can be costly. So anyone investing money and time into going to a concert is going to want to get their entire moneys worth, not leave even a few minutes early. That makes sense to me. So for her to feel irritated that you even dared ask her to leave early is understandable and it was a wrong move on your part. If you were done with the listening or had a headache or whatever, then it would make sense that you wanted to sit out the remainder until the concert was over and she joins you. I am guessing at least one of you didn't have a working cell on you to be contacted afterwards. Planning to meet by a certain place was a good idea. But with a crowd of bodies leaving at once, it could easily have been hard to spot you. She could have waited somewhere until the majority of people were exited and gone and then found you. My guess is she was pissed from you even thinking to ask her to miss out on a part of the concert and did not try as hard as she could to locate you. This is one of those things that happen in life. Even if you had not asked her to leave early but just told her where to meet you after, you both still might have had trouble meeting up. I had the same happen at a summer concert outdoors I took my kids to and my oldest had her friend along and went to one of the buildings of the fairgrounds used just for the concert, to get autographs and the line was long. i had the two younger kids with me. Waited and waited at the designated meeting spot and after an hour got nervouse and went looking for them, had trouble getting back in, went to where autographing was done. the celebs gone, only a few people lingering and no sign of my daughter and friend. I panicked. Eventually they appeared at our designated spot and I lit in to them I'm sorry to say. I was now angry for all the extra time I had to sit around with her sisters waiting and they had no explanation saying they only went to get autographs. I should have been glad they were okay and not kidnapped. We are all human and something like this can understandly really make a person upset. Being that your friend is usually like this anyways and still friends with you after 18 years, my guess is once she gets over the anger she'll be all chummy again as long as you dont bring up the memory of it again. Just give her time.

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I'm 15 and I still haven't started my period...is this normal? All my friends say I should see a doctor or something but I'm to embarrassed! All I'm asking is if it is normal to not have a period at this age...thanks

I have heard of girls being late bloomers and getting a period at 15 or 16. But that was in the past when I was that age. The latest updates medically for young girls state that no sign of a period by age 15 means you need to see a Dr.

What they will likely do is check to see if you have a hormone imbalance as this is the most likely cause and once they treat that imbalance you should be fine. Its a common enough issue with teen girls.
this link does list the age 15 bit as well as other warning signs to see a Dr. for.

http://www.webmd.com/children/news/20061107/menstruation-whats-normal-for-girls

You can always request a female doctor if it makes you feel any better.
Now, if the parents have insurance that covers you, you could go tell mom of this concern and ask to see a doctor. She can call her own Drs clinic and get you an appt. If she doesnt think it requires seeing the Dr and wont set appt or you are too embarrassed to tell mom, your other option is to find your local Planned Parenthood and go there. They will see teens and you do not need a parents permission and they also will keep this confidential according to the Hippa law they must follow. You can get help there for anything having to do with your reproductive cycle as well as other concerns.

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So I have a twin who doesn't really have any friends because she's super shy and quiet.
We go to different universities and recently it was our birthday.
A friend from my uni suggested me and her do something to celebrate our birthday like a nice meal out.
Only thing is my mum said I should bring my twin to the meal. However I know its harsh but I don't think I'll have as good a time since she's quiet.
Like we're 20 and its not my responsibility anymore for her to make friends is it? I've been doing so all my life-making friends then she tags along and I've had enough!
What should I do?

May i suggest two different events. For something like a birthday, or other celebrations like when she graduates college, celebrate just with her and with family. Do your own preferred place to go or way to celebrate on a separate day and time. It doesnt matter which actually falls on the actual birthday or not. My daughter recently had birthday last month and has shared on FB of 3 to 4 more birthday celebrations for her she attended besides the time I spent with her on her actual birthday, the last occuring just a week ago with a few friends who weren't around a month ago and still wanted to treat her out for her birthday almost a month later.
The thought is what matters, not the actual day.

Now I would assume that Mom and the family planned a family birthday event to celebrate the birthdays of both of you, if mom didn't then I can see why she may have made that suggestion to you.
However, I would draw the line at Mom expecting you to invite her along to your own separate celebration with your friend and expect this despite the fact the whole family including you gathered to celebrate the birthdays.

In this case, Mom would only be enabling her to continue to stay shy or have what many call today social anxiety. I know how that is, I used to be like that. No one can change your sister but herself. I had to get to the point where I was sick and tired of being so shy. Still scared but wanting to do anything to get over it and here I am today, able to talk to strangers I meet, I always make the first move rather than wait for someone else to speak first.

I would have to agree that at this point, the tagging along thing needs to end, its one thing when she was a grade school kid, even middle school. But by high school, the parents should have been seriously urging her to learn to get over her shyness and anxiety. That is the best thing anyone could do for her. Allowing her to tag along instead of teaching her how to overcome shyness is simply crazy. It doesnt help her as a person at all. What your parents suggest, still allowing her to tag along with you and friends is only enabling her to remain stuck. It will affect her in more areas than just having friends, it will affect her ability to land a job. the more secure outgoing person will win over someoone with same degree and skills who appears wimpy, too shy. It will affect her ability to attract a mate in the longer run as men as drawn like moths to a flame by the self confident woman, and one so shy at her age, is not going to catch any attention. Humans are humans. They do not wish to interact with someone who is going to make them have to carry the whole conversation or drag words out of them.
Example: when dating after a divorce, I met at a coffee shop with a guy whose profile sounded pretty good but when I walked up and asked if he was John he only nodded. I pointed and asked if he'd like to sit there, again he nodded. Once seated I asked what he would like to talk about, He just shrugged his shoulders. to this point, not a word was said from him. So I carried the convo, told stories and only got an occasional yes or no from him...nothing more. I was looking for a new mate, and living day in and out with someone who will not communicate at nearly age 50 was not something I intended to get stuck with. I told him right then we were too different and I was not going to work with him. This is what your sister faces if the parents keep enabling her and she isn't tired of being so shy.
You might ask her if she really wants to learn how to get over being shy. I did it. there is a step by step plan on how to do it. Its simple and she can move along at a pace that she's comfortable with, she is the only one who will be pushing herself to do the next step but she has to want to. So ask her as soon as you can if she really wants to learn how to overcome this, how badly does she want to overcome this. Give her the situations I mentioned where her shyness will affect other areas of her adult life. Either she's going to have a long lonely unproductive and unhappy life or she is willing to do whatever it takes to get beyond this. I find most social anxiety doesnt need a dr.s intervention. It isn't an anxiety that is evident in other areas of life, like over worrying about family members, about school, about a test, etc.... that anxiety needs a Dr. If thats the case, bring that up to her and to the parents. She'll need the encouragement now as an adult to go see a Dr for it. I don't think the birthday here was the issue. But I understand the resentment you can feel building up in you, as its gone on long enough and it isn't your fault as much as your parents and sis herself for allowing this situation to get to this point.

So write me back. Let me know if she wants the plan to overcome shyness and I'll give it to you to give to her. Thats the best thing you can do for her as your twin sister. Do let this slide. remember, the parents are going to eventually be gone some day and the only family still around is siblings and cousins your age. You do not want to find yourself the only one taking care of a sister at late 40's on, who still suffers social anxiety and expects you to find her jobs, find a boyfriend or husband for her and find her freinds.

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I recently joined Facebook on Friday. Since joining I friend requested some of my cousins. Two of them added me, four if you want to count second and third cousins, but two others on my father’s side and one other on my mother’s side haven’t added me. I’m worried that I did something wrong. All of my aunts and uncles quickly added me as well.
I can’t think of what I could have done wrong though? Most of them I haven’t spoken to in years, since our grandmother passed away 2 years ago, but we’re still blood. My aunt’s ex-husband even added me. I know that we’re estranged, but that’s because I wasn’t on Facebook and had no real way of getting in touch with them. I’ve been wanting to get closer to my cousins for awhile now. One of them told me that he’s definitely up for that, and I have his phone number now, although he’s busy right now because he and his girlfriend are expecting their first child.
Should I ask them if something’s wrong. Am I looking too far into this? My best friend told me that maybe they just don’t use Facebook much, and that’s why they haven’t added me. One responded to one of her father’s photos for father’s day. I’m worried that she’s purposely avoiding me. I'd rather not get my other cousins into this by asking them what they all really think of me.

You're over thinking this. I have family who use Facebook alot. Some who have accounts and get on sporadically but not consistantly like daily or a couple times a week. Then there are others who aren't on there at all.

In the past I've played lots of games thru FB, and some required having 'neighbors' who played the same game and none of my friends or relatives did. So I posted a request for friends for the game and also checked the Add Me page for the particular game and started sending messages to people who said they needed friends to help play the game with. I could easily send out a dozen requests. One answers the same day, another the next morning, another later that 2nd day, others through the next week, another 1 or 2 2 weeks later and 1 person always not responding til 1 or 2 months later and still adding me. Unfortunately someone like that Iam not going to see much from on facebook ever or really get game help from if they're on that seldom. I'v been on facebook since around 2006 I think. So I've seen alot.

Another thing you can expect is that those of family who have a lot of people on the FB acct as friends will have curious people who like them alot and so want to connect with their siblings and cousins, etc. I have gotten requests from people who were total strangers to me but knew a sister of mine or close mine of mine. I usually accept most after checking out their profile to make sure I'm not adding some weirdo.
You may also get lonely guys who scan the FB friends lists of people whose have accepted you as friend and send you a request to be a friend or actually send a message. I have gotten about 2 dozen men over the years either who were looking for a girlfriend on line only, or for a new wife in real life and sent a message to me. They find me by looking at lists of a friends, friends, friends list so that there is no connection to anyone I know. So do not blindly add someone until you check first their profile. The majority of such guys had a FB acct less than a month old or days old and the only people on their small friends list were only women, no family. These may be lonely men or men from foreign countries were its taboo to interact with any women other than your mother, sister or wife. So they ask to be your friend. I accidently accepted one such person and everytime I was on, they would instant message me and want to hold hour long or longer online chats with me. If I wanted a penpal, I would welcome that. But since I don't, I delete them the moment they become too invasive with my time. These are all the helps I can think of for someone new to FB.

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Why doesn't my mom get why I don't want to go baby clothes shopping with her when she said the reason why she's having another kid so late (I am 19) is cause myself and my siblings are "cursed". Yes, my situation really is that fucked. I'm going to community college for 2 years, so I'm still at home, but I'm trying to become more busy so my mom doesn't get the idea I'm going to put my life on hold because she suddenly decided to have a baby so late in the game. It pisses me off cause she thinks something is supernaturally wrong with her existing children that this new baby will solve all her problems. Our family is already really busy now, and it just makes all she said a joke about us being financially hard up. A pet is too expensive but not another child? She just doesn't like animals. I also don't think I'll be able to bond as a sibling with someone young enough to be my own child. I told this to her and she dismissed it, when idk anyone in our family our community with such large age gaps, unless the wife remarried later on and wanted a kid with their new spouse, which is the only acceptable reason to me, other than adoption. She also thought it was weird I asked about whether she conceived naturally or got a donor egg or whatever, cause she's in her mid to late 40s. I found bookmarks on her computer to fertility places, and questionnaires to potential egg donors. I also know she has been getting shots. But she lied to me that it was all natural when I think she has been trying for the past 2 years, at least. I initially suspected when I noticed she was taking prenatals, years ago. Why wouldn't a parent consider how their 3 other children, mostly adults, would feel about another, intentional addition? I just think the way she's going about it is insensitive and personally I don't want kids til my 30s, when I am hopefully In a decent financial position, and the kids can be close in age. I even only want 2, unless I win the lottery or something. Why are my parents so obtuse about this? They believe in witchcraft and what not and my mom is about to give birth and has hardly told anyone about her pregnancy, barely anyone even in her family, cause she thinks it will protect the kid from spiritual attack. It's like.. She would rather ask a psychic how her kid is doing than evaluate herself, and see how she could do things differently. My life is increasingly becoming chaotic and I iust feel my parents have checked out and barely even support what I want to do. I'd even label them almost toxic influences on me, from certain things I've been subjected to, falling under abuse but seen as "treatment" to them. I don't have close friends to confide such details with so I appreciate your point of view on this complex matter. I envy people who's parents didn't frown on their kids for not entering the medical field, and supported them through their journeys, even through the bumps in the road. I can't say that with my own parents, unfortunately. I mean yes, financially they help me, I still live under their roof, but mentally and emotionally we are just completely on different pages.

Adviceman covered lots of things and I agree with him wholeheartedly. Be sure to advise your parents ahead not to assume you will become their babysitter.I can see them spring this on you at the last minute after baby is born otherwise.

I want to cover the part you mentioned of your mother believing you and your siblings to be cursed and fearing for people to know of her pregnancy thinking somehow baby will become cursed. Then you say they believe in witchcraft but run to psychic's for all their decision making.

Here's what I wonder...
See, I am hearing what your mom supposedly says and it doesn't match at all what I know of people who are pagan, wiccan and witches. I love a lot of what they do in their beliefs and a true witch is as loving and kind as the next person, but does not practice black magick or devil worship. That is something entirely different as witches and pagans don't even beleive in Satan. Though they do believe in Jesus, just not the fact he had to save them from sins in this one lifetime, because instead they believe in reincarnation.
I also know that a true witch has their own abilities they work on and don't rely so heavily on what any random psychic may have to say, they are in tune with the universe, the goddess (which I believe is another name for the Holy Spirit) or God, which is Jesus, as they refer often to the Lord and Lady, which from my studies equates Jesus and Holy Spirit. They also do not fear cursing or spiritual attack because a true witch knows how to intentionally set up protection for themselves and their loved ones. They put their intent (prayer focus) into setting up a barrier. Many use rituals and spells which are spoken words and use of items which in themself have no power but it helps to keep their mind and intent focused so that they are able to channel the power of the universe or god/goddess. Does this sound anything like your Mom and Dad. My gut sense is telling me that they don't have an inkling of a clue as to what witchcraft is about. They are pretenders most likely and so stumble through life spouting stuff they know nothing about in hopes it will make them look like they know something. Believe me, I have run into even a pychic at a party who was pulling cards and my friends asked me to go take a turn with her. She pulled cards and started telling me what it meant when I knew it to mean something totally different in my life and began to explain it to her how i see it. She was surprised, snatched up the cards into a deck and asked me to do a reading for her and had all sorts of questions for me.
This happens often. Even I know the limits of my skills. I am more intuitive than a full fledged psychic. I could be totally wrong here but if somewhere in the last 5 to 7 years, your mom met a psychic and asked about you kids, it is possible the psychic saw a piece of the future, just the sense that moms current children at the time would be cursed. But they psychic may not have had the explanation to go along with as to what it meant. Your mom in her naivety took it the wrong way. The psychic only foresaw a fact that your mom or both parents would choose to forsake their own children, withdraw from them their love, consider their children inferior or something and thus see you as cursed in their own minds. This was likely to happen even without your moms crazy idea to have another child to right the problem she seems to think exists. You kids aren't cursed by some other mysterious source but by her and she doesn't see it. No, I don't see this as a curse where another is bound and restricted from achieving anything they wish to in life. Perhaps from the same or another psychic she heard something about having a chance to correct things with having another baby. It was likely meant personally for her, to have another chance in life to raise a child correctly as the rest of you are adults now. But she took it to mean that having a baby was going to break a curse some mysterious stranger put on her now adult children. If I am right about what I am sensing here in this scenerio, then your parents are truly gullible, have no clue this is all about their life and they own personal growth when something is shared. Not that something shared with them is for the betterment of humans other than themselves. Thats how its works. Most true psychics who do get certain messages ask the universe first if it is okay to share with someone or not.
I can;t know for certain and have no hunch here...just guessing but Your parents are either extremely naive or have seriously messed up thought processes, very negative thinking, always seeing the worst. For all I know, there could be some mental issues or illness too for one or the other.
You of course can not approach her with what I have shared with you, its a possibility to help understand a reason why she and dad may be acting the way they do. I also wish for you to understand that as souls who reincarnate, perhaps your parents souls have much less experience than your own and yours is a way older more mature soul so it befuddles you to see them act as they do. We can't always have parents who not only have more earthly wisdom but soul wisdom as well. They raised you the best they know how. Think of it as a constant 5 yr old (soul wise) raising a 100 yr old soul in the body of their child. It sounds ridiculous but such is lifes situations often. It can help you to mentally deal with the situation without holding anything against the parents or the new baby who is an innocent in moms naiveness and mistakes. A situation like this will test your ability to be the more adult person in the situation than your own parents. You will likely always feel more like a parent to your new sibling than a sister and thats fine, most people seeing the two of you together who dont know your family will assume its your child, just say thankyou and answer as if you are the mom for in actualily, because of the age difference, you will be in effect interacting more like a 2nd mom with the child than a sister. And that is okay. Perhaps it will bring a little stability into the childs life. So keep your head about your shoulders dear. I know its not easy and I am sorry your parents reject you or keep their love and support from you but theres nothing you can do to change them. Set up a protective bubble around you so that the hurtful things the parents may say or do are only heard and seen, but unable to penetrate deep into your subconscious and your soul to torment you long after done or spoken. This way you remember the words, but they are unable to make you feel hurt or pain. But you have to be conscious of this. Call it witchcraft or simple abilities that God gave each one of us but few every really learn to use. I hope this helps you for a start but if you have need to talk further, you can write me any time through my column.

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