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humorist-workshop
Stop copying me!!
I have a friend, I've known her for 5 years. I've been noticing that she basically tries to be me. At first I thought we had 3 to 4 things in common but now she like copies evrything about me. I decided to dye my ends blonde, the next day she dyed her ends blonde. I told her that I love American Horror Story and she did too and she has never told me about that. I told her that I wanted to be the Joker for halloween. She said it was her idea first. There are so many more things. I skip araound a lot then she purposly skips infront of me. I wear huge sweater with converse she decided to get converse and a bog sweater. She even told me that she wanted to get a pair of chucktaylors of mine (I'm obssesed with converse) She has changed so much, and she told me that she has always been that way. What shiuld I do?
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Obviously, you can't stop her. So maybe the best thing is to change how you think about it and perhaps knowing why she does it will help.
No, you can't ask her why, she'd deny it, or really not know why she does it. But when a person basically copies everything they see someone else do, its for a couple possible reasons:
She may have a low self esteem and see's you as being more popular or more self confident so she adopts what you are doing, the outside stuff like hair, clothes, even way of talking and mannerisms can be copied, in hopes in will make her feel more like you. This is actually a compliment to you that she thinks so highly of you.
But in reality, any outside applications of change are not going to affect or change how she truly feels about herself as those issues, if she has them, are something on the inside and can only be affected by learning different positive ways to think about herself, something that a counselor can help with if she's an adult. If she is still a child or teen, the majority in that age group are not very self assured or confident and always extremely concerned about being liked and it actually is a very common thing amony teens to copy each other.
Also, more personality types are followers rather than leaders, creators, innovators and inventors. Without those qualities it is hard for a person to come up with an original idea of their own. I am older, in my fifties but remember clearly how shy I was as a kid, certainly not a leader, but mom gave me a pair of pantyhose that were simply too small for her but fit me perfect when I was in 6th grade. I asked where I would wear it tho. She said, wear it with a dress to school, so I did. Boy oh boy did I get the stares and whispers but not a single kid said anything nice to me, however ALL the female teachers complimented me how good I looked and the girls heard. the very next morning, 75 % of the girls were wearing pantyhose and had runs and holes in them by halfway thru the day. Instead of feeling upset they copied me, I felt smug knowing for once I thought of doing something first, set a new trend and was better at keep my pantyhose from getting ruined.
It really is all in the attitude you decide to take. If it helps, once a person reaches their late 20's or about to turn 30, most go thru a phase of trying to define themselves, discover who they really are. They stop following their peers, or doing what peers or society expect of them or parents exspectations, etc...and take the time to learn and discover who they really are and what makes them happy. I dont know why it generally happens that late for the majority of people but it does. there may be some discoveries along the way, minor ones in the teen or college years, and there's always the few who learn earlier on how to march to the beat of their own drum, knowing who they really are.
For me this really started in middle school. All the kids copied each other and wore the latest trends in clothes. I bought the styles I liked and colors I liked which often were quite different than what others wore, and did so because I felt good in them, liked how I looked in them and didnt care what they thought, even if I had to endure teasing. I really didn't want to become one faceless person in the crowd but to stand out and be unique and be me. So yes, some teens can do that, maybe thats you. If it is, do and wear what makes you happy and makes you feel like you are expressing your inner self. You can't change that your friend or others may copy you because they are not ready to find themselves. Eventually someday they will. SHe likely has a low self esteem and needs to get some compliments so if you really are a good friend, when she struts around in something new she copied from you, compliment her, thats what she needs right now, tell her how nice she looks. Once she gets the compliments and upbuilding and support to her low self esteem, she'll likely stop being so combatative and saying things like she thought of something first. If in all other ways, she is a good friend, then do this for her if you really care about her. Someday, when she's older and notices that others are not complimenting her because certain colors or styles look terrible on her, she will wonder. When she's ready, you can then be honest and tell her that people have different skin types and body shapes that look better in some things, worse in others. Just say for example that the dress cut and style is okay for example but the pattern or color not complimentary to her skin type. Just share honestly and ask if she'd like help with trying things on. this would be the best attitude I can recommend you take to deal with your situation.
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