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Still kind of awkward.
Hi guys! I'm 20, the guy I'm seeing is 22.
We've gone on a couple of dates. He always picks me up. Sometimes he'll pay, sometimes (against his arguing) I'll pay. We enjoy each other's company a lot. I always have a really good time with him and he's always laughing and seeming like he's having a good time too.
I say "the guy I'm seeing" because we aren't officially official. However, he is good friends with one of my supervisors at work and my supervisor told me that in his mind, we are together. That's 100% fine with me that he wants us to be and thinks that we are, but I guess, me being a girl wants him to officially ask me. I'm not saying now or on the next date or I'm getting out and leaving him. I just believe that if he already thinks we are, why doesn't he just make it official? Is it because he's a guy and doesn't think the title means anything?
Also, there's still some awkwardness between us. When we're out and doing things like having dinner or ice cream or tonight we went bowling, we're fine and we're having a great time, he's his normal self being sassy and funny. But it's like when we get back to my house when it's time for me to get out, it gets tense. I don't know if it's because he doesn't know what to do or what. I read somewhere a quote that went something along the lines of "when you meet your soulmate, you should not feel nervous" and I obviously, again, am not saying I want out since we're both still a little awkward sometimes but I just want to know how long until the awkwardness goes away? Will we be fine and happy and never awkward after our first kiss? My uncle said something the other day that kind of made me mad because now every time I'm out with him, it's all I think about. When I told my uncle about him, he said "did he hold your hand? kiss you?" and when I told him no, he said "so it was just two friends going out?" But he pays and picks me up and when my supervisor asked him if we were dating, he said we were. After bowling, it was raining tonight too, he even offered to drive his car up so I didn't have to walk in the rain but I said no, I liked the rain so we walked to his car together in the rain......perfect time for a first kiss, eh? But no.
He's even kind of odd in how he makes plans. He usually always texts me and asks me when I'm free and then continues on in asking if I'd be interested in whatever plan he thought of. But the one night we were supposed to go out, he texted me that he hates he has to do it, but he needed to reschedule. He said his dog got sick and his mom was away so he wanted to keep an eye on him. Which is fine, I totally get it, I would want to do the same if my dog was sick. But it got me thinking, why didn't he just ask if I wanted to hang out at his place then, instead of just rescheduling the entire day? Which brought me back to thinking when we were out a couple nights ago, he kept looking at his phone so I asked him what was up and if he had to go. He said he doesn't have to but his mom was away and his dogs were cooped in the kitchen all day while she was gone and he was at work so he wanted to go home and walk them soon. I understood so I told him we could go, he asked if I wanted to go back to his house to join him and I said okay, that sounds fun but when we got in his car, it's either he forgot he asked me or he regret asking me to go back to his place with him because he just drove me back to my house. Akwardness ensued then, I told him when I was off and he said he'd keep in touch and I thanked him for everything and just got out.
So, I guess any input is appreciated on the above questions. I do like him a lot and I do want this to last and I think he does too. I know this is just a small speed bump we have to get over. I guess I'm just wondering how long.
Thanks!
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This situation could be several different scenerio's all of which just guessing and wondering about do not help answer any questions for you. I can come up with all sorts of plausible explanations and could name a few so you understand the importance of needing to have a talk with him and exactly what to ask.
First tho, people have varying idea's of dating or call it seeing someone. That can affect one or the other simply by their mind set and how they perceive things which may not be as they think.
I do not know how long you have been dating but lets concentrate on two people who have hung out together now for about two months. It also depends on how often the two see each other, if once a week, then in 2 months they have only been together 8 times versus seeing each other 3 times a week to equal 24 times in 2 months. Then it also depends upon the form of what they do...sit in a movie theatre not talking, busy eating dinner out and not talking as much as could be possible, or even other stuff like bike riding together which isn't the best way to converse either. There are two main objectives to spending itme with another person when wanting to determine if beyond their looks, you find enough about their character and personality to be a good match for you or not, the kind of match you could live the rest of your life with, married or not. First objective is to talk and talk and talk, about anything and everything. What are each others views on things going on in the world, what the childhood was like, ones hobbies, what each is motivated by most, what ones hopes and dreams are, pet peeves, spiritual beliefs if any, views and thoughts on children, animals, the homeless...there is SOOO much to learn about the other person that talking alone is enough to fill time together, just walking or sitting somewhere and finding out as much as each can about each other. The other objectives is to get real glimpses of their character as far as how they handle themselves, or act when happy, when sad, when irritated, angry, when ill, when stressed, etc... and how they treat you during those times. Mind you, a person will be one their best behavior being careful even when irritated or angry to not let you see and not let it out on you. But there comes a time when a person becomes comfortable and lets down their guard and lets their real self show through. that usually happens after a couple of months. this is all important in the big picture and I hope you see the importance of really getting to know who he is, and even what he is looking for, like just a social companion, just a friend, a girlfriend, or is he ready to settle down and just hoping to find the girl he wants to marry. You can not assume because he treats you nice and is 'seeing you' that it is for one reason over the other.
Heres why. There is a logical chain of steps that take place between two people. First they are attracted to what they see. Its a given if someone is paying you attention that you are fairly pleasant on the eyes to them. this attraction will compell a person to want to spend more time with the other to get a feel for who they are, like an initial investigative fact gathering event. This step shouldn't take more than 2 or 3 dates to know you really want to date this person exclusively. Even after a while of this, it is natural to discover some hidden qualities that are definitely a deal breaker and you break up with each other. But until the two are ready to commit to seeing only each other and not keeping options open and seeing several if the case may be at the investigating stage, you can't expect to be considered dating as a committed couple and being each others bf/gf. When divorced and dating again, I might meet 2 or 3 guys at the same time from a dating site that all sounded good and not wanting to lose a chance with either, I made it clear I was going to spend some time meeting with and seeing all of them so a guy knew he wasnt the only one...and believe me, they were all okay with it. I have found that a good amount of males operate this way too. Only they sometimes take too much time in the investigative stage before moving on the the dating, commitment to being bf/gf stage. this means they have decided on one person over all the others. Some have trouble deciding because they are not in touch with themselves and don't have a clue exactly what they are looking for in a mate so of course they aren't sure when they find it. this could be his issue. Or your guy may be keeping his options open and talking to other girls which is best to let you know up front but most young folks cant handle that not to mention girls who become jealous. There is no need yet as they have not verbally made a commitment to be your only partner until such time as both of you decide to split if ever. Most people aren't mature enough to do so.
On the other hand, your guy may be the extreme gentleman, leaving it to you to make the first move. Young people don't have the same experience as older adults in knowing when another person is truly enamored of them, attracted both sexually and to your personality. So lets stick with just the kissing and hand holding part. there has to be desire of some sort, a lust or more a caring love desire. If a guy finds you sexually attractive, you should be able to see the change in his eyes in how the eyes seem to darken as the pupils expand. There's other body language too, does he lean towards you in convo, or stand very close to you? People do this when attracted or find opportunity during conversation to touch, like a pat on the shoulder or playful punch on the arm in teasing. this all shows a strong attraction. If the person is doing any of this, you can feel safe to make the first move and hug, cuddle and kiss him. If he isn't showing any such signs of desire for you, somethings up. It could be he's a virgin and horribly ashamed and afraid of the girl's reaction, so he's frozen in fear unable to act, he could be asexual or gay and only looking for the friendship or emotional attachment but not sexual one, who knows. there are probably a few more scenerio's. So you really need to have a good talk that covers why he asked you out in the first place. dont sound like you're grilling or interrogating him, just ask in a curious smiling manner. Ask him what you failed to ask in the beginning, what is he really looking for, friend, social companion or a girl to fall in love with and settle down with. You have a right to know this at the very beginning. I met many males who were so wanting a sex partner that they thought once I met them, I would be okay with that and forego my wishes to find my next mate, the husband I would be with til my dying day. So I learned quickly to make clear what I was looking for and ask what they were looking for. I had a bigger list of criteria I shared on the first, initial date of what I was looking for in case they hadn't got that from my dating profile, for i did not want to waste my time with someone that I'd find in a month or two was not the right one for me. Tell him what you're looking for and find out what he wants. If he has no clue, ask him some questions, start taking the time to learn about him. Does he love kids and want to be a father someday. If not and you want kids, there is no halfway compromise on this, you can't halfway have a kid so this is a deal breaker, and you break up and look elsewhere for your guy. Why settle for less. You may be happy initially but in the end it was a given you'd be miserable when you could not change his mind on kids. there are other such things about a person that can be a deal breaker too. So ask the kinds of questions that get him thinking about himself and really asking himself what indeed he likes, believes, stands for, and what he's looking for in a woman. Dont take the answer, "You're what I'm looking for." thats evasive and says nothing as he hasn't given the list of details as to what qualities then in you it is that he is looking for, if he can't explain, he just may not be ready for a serious relationship.
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