Gender:
FemaleLocation:
Washington stateOccupation:
RetiredAge:
64Member Since:
April 24, 2013Answers:
7093Last Update:
October 11, 2025Visitors:
138051Favorite Columnists
solidadvice4teens
Hollywood22
adviceman49
GiddyGeezer
Razhie
kittenlover2000
Grandfather
rosalee
missundersmock
teehigh
gr8fruit
more...
Main Categories:
Love Life
Families
General Sex Questions
View All
about
Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
advice
recently i go to the bank and deposit my check mostly on fridays but sometimes on monday and there is this beautiful young lady who is very kind and sweet to me and she sometimes calls me dear which makes me feel attractive but i believe that is engaged to someone else or dating someone else and i wouldnt want to stand in the way of that anyhow do you know of a way and i am posting this question to Dragonflymagic i hope you get this in your advice column thank you .
Your situation also falls into the same catagory as a long distance online relationship with someone you've never met. It is your mind that stands in the way of forgetting a crush, or more to the point, your imagination which can be strong enough to fill in the details of what you don't know, affecting your emotions so that you are taken from a point of mere attraction to the person by sight to involving all your emotions and thus your heart.
Most people would tell you to just keep busy with new activities that require a good portion of focus of your mind on the activity so that there is no room left to think about her, but the moment there is nothing to occupy your mind, you end up thinking about here again and those thoughts feed your crush emotions.
So I hope you see the importance of working with your mind to get over the crush.
I will explain next a little about the mind...theres two, your awake-conscious mind and the asleep or subconscious mind. The trouble lies with the subconscious mind. It is important having the duties of controlling your next breath or eye blink so you dont have to think about those with your conscious mind. It is also where all your emotions are stored. Think of a song or movie, which even if not a real life situation, was able to drive your to sadness and tears or righteous anger, over a made up song or movie that wasnt even a real situation? It is the subconscious mind that takes in input from your senses in your daily world, what you see, hear, taste, touch, smell and supplies the emotional respoonsess to your sensory intakes. However, it is also like an inner child and unruly and naive and not logical it the conclusions it comes to. Your subconscious -mind will assume that what ever takes up the most time in your thought life is the most important to you and that you desire it, with out taking into consideration the logistics of it. It will do whatever it can to steer you in directions that are more likely to bring about that which you think upon the most.
So that also means, in the case of having a nightmare of someone attacking you for your wallet, you begin to consciously think about that everytime you are out walking in public and looking around now wondering if anyone you see is potentially a thief. The more you think about it, the more your sub. mind believes this is something you are imagining because it is good and you want it. Stupid, I know, but every human is plagued with a subconscious mind that thinks that way and so we need to learn how to exercise control over it. In the story I was telling, the subconscious mind would go so far as causing you to make bad decisions and taking chances walking in areas that are known to be dangerous and doing so later at night until what you fear most in your thoughts comes true.
Think of your subconscious mind as a totally separate entity inside of you, the two minds in effect being much like two people sharing the same body. I have even a name for mine and will address mine by name and have a talk with her when needs are such. I suggest hear that you consider talking to your subconscious mind with your thoughts, internally, or if no one is around and you have privacy, talking out loud to yours. Basically, the goal is to become friends, not enemys working against each other but working as a team for your ultimate best.
So tell your subconscious mind that there are some qualities you like about this bank teller from what you can determine from sight and hearing and it is those qualities that are important to you, not necessarily that you obtain it directly thru a relationship with her. Let your subconscious mind know that though you feel this attraction, she might not feel the same about you and she may not even be available anyhow. So tell your subconscious to stop trying to get her for you and keeping your emotions wrapped up in her. LEt it know you want this to stop. That you want to move on and find a female who is attracted to you and ready to have a real, not imagined relationship with you who make have similar looks and personality and keep repeating this every time your mind switches to dwelling on her again. In the beginning, this will be often. Its like training a young child of 3 or 4, you have to repeat constantly until they finally understand what you are telling them. It may require in a hour having to repeat this message to your subconscious self 20 times or more. Just do it and over time as it begins to learn you are serious about this, it will comply, fall into line and do as you say because you are supplying new thoughts, commands, that override what was there before.
Good luck.
Ok, so my good friend has this HUGEEEEE crush on this boy, and she's had it ever since they met, which was pre school, (we're in middle school now). And just a couple months ago we were all hanging out when BOOM! I started to have a crush on him, too. No way am I telling my friend, she would never talk to me and literally kill me. Please help me! Please give me answers as to what I should do! What if he asks me out?!!?!?!?! HELP!
Its always hard when it comes down to best friends having the same interest in another person for romance/dating purposes.
We can't own a person or have any kind of claim to another just because of how we are feeling about them. For teens, its something they need to learn sooner or later and when puberty comes with the teen years is when most of us begin to take notice of the opposite sex so its no surprise you finally have an interest during middle school years. Yeah, some can have a crush way earlier but thats normal too. A crush however is not equal to a 'societal' claim on another person. In society, stealing a boyfriend or stealing or having affairs with a married person is generally frowned upon as a no-no, though it still happens and each situation may have its own differing circumstances. In your case, she doesn't have a claim to him simply because she had liked him first ad for way longer. While he may think of her as a friend, he may not be currently or never ever attracted to her romantically and that is something that even adults can't change. With hormonal changes comes something called pheremones and thats what helps attract one sex of animals or humans to the opposite sex. It is important to not only learn how to become best of friends with the opposite sex as far as a relationship like bf/gf goes, but to also have the right chemistry for romance and that sort of attraction, the wanting to hold hands and kiss and the excitement that rises when near each other. Even with adults, there are peope where one falls in love and the others see you only as a friend. There's no guarantee that he will even like her until he tries to date her. Or she could ask him first. Girls no longer have to wait for guys to show interest first in these times. Its one reason for tolo dances where the girl asks the guy. If too chicken or not confident enough to do so, a person can lose the chance of finding out if there even was anything in common between them and another, beyond initial attraction.
So if you want, you might plant that thought in her head. That while he has known her a long time, most of it was before hormones set in, so boys were likely not looking at any female friends with crush feelings, or as a gf possibility. It is only now that he will begin to have those feelings. So will other girls. You let her know that if she wants a chance to date him, that she needs to take action and ask him before he has committed to another girl by asking her to be his gf and date steady, or before another girl crushing on him decides to ask him out. If she realizes that she can not blame another girl for getting there first all because she was too chicken to ask, then she has no right to be angry at anyone for capturing his attention for a while or for good. You don't have to announce you have interest in him directly. Just discuss with her what aspects you are attracted to in a guy and ask her what she is attracted to. If its based only skin deep on looks, then a relationship won't last long. Actually its expected from midddle school onward, that before one makes a lifetime commitment to another, with or without a marriage contract, that a person will date and break up with many people...as its all part of the learning process of what you like and don't like about another person and what things you want to avoid that are hurtful or disrespectful to you as a person.
For now, just be yourself and try to be as confident as possible, outgoing, happy with who you are, friendly, caring and you will attract not only friends but the attention of boys, specially as a girlfriend possibility. A self confident girl catches guys attention faster than one who isnt, or is desperate for a guy, needy, or a drama queen. Those usually turn a guys interests away or kill any interest they once had.
So get your friend thinking ahead about the need to let him know of her interest in him or just live with the circumstaces of things going differently. You might also say, what if he wasn't interested in you as anything more than just a friend and was interested in Amy or even me? If he asked me out, I probably would go out with him not to hurt you but because he is interested in me and I'd like to see where this goes. Amy or me, shouldnt have to be punished by not dating him just because you had a crush on him first even though he didn't feel the same way about you. People have their own tastes and likes in dates as they do in clothing style, favorite foods, movies, music etc. No one person is the same as another. the key is to find a boyfriend who loves you just for who you are without you having to change for him or pretend to be someone you aren't just to get them because eventually they will discover the real you and may not have been attracted to that in the first place and then end up dumping you. These are all things important for both you and especially her to understand.
Then even if she does understand, females in puberty can have pretty strong emotional reactions, that are way out of control due to normal hormones, even worse if their hormones levels are way too high. In that case, instead of just being weepy and sad at times or irritated, a girl can become depressed, suicidal or have an out of control anger issue and act really mean picking on females closest to them without reason, even worse if they 'believe' they have a reason. So you may see that too by observing the reactions of dumped girlfriends who's guy went on to date another girl, even if the girl wasn't her friend, she'll will still wonder why he likes the other better. And there isn't any simpler reason that at this stage, it's simply a time of learning in dating what we like in the opposite sex and we aren't going to find out if not going through one relationship after the other.
Hope this helps with understanding the situation more clearly and how you shouldn't feel guilty to accept a date from him if he asks you. She may react the same depressed angry way if he chooses to date another girl rather than noticing her. We think we are lacking somehow, not the best clotes, or cutest hairstyle or makeup or big enough chest or the looks of our face or body aren't model quality. I have to say 95 % of people are not model quality in my opinion but are still good looking in their own rights. A girl needs to realize that in time she'll attract the right guy for the right reasons, not just any old teen guy who only wants a girlfriend cus they are so horny all the time and want sex only. Lust and love are two different things to a girl but often confused as the same thing with males, especially the young ones. I believe you can say your version of all this to her without having to reveal your own interest in him.
If by chance you do end up dating him and she stops wanting to be your friend, if you really care about her, don't worry, find a time when she's not at home to talk to her mom by stopping by or calling. Surely she'll know you are one of her daughters friends. Let her know that your friend is angry at you because some guy shes always had a crush on, asked you instead of her to date him or go out with him. She has no idea, and neither do you if she or even you are his type. You are not purposely trying to hurt her by accepting to go out with this guy as he had not made any sign of interest in her nor hadnt asked her out so that means he is single and available. You want her to know so she can have a talk with her daughter (your friend) and know what to say or do as her mom. Let her know you still want to be friends with her and will be waiting once she gets over being angry.
Its highly unlikely that her mom acts like a foolish teen herself, but it that happens, you'd understand where she gets it and over time she'll throw emotional fits over more than not getting the guy if this is the case.
i'm an Indian girl.19 yrs old.recently I failed to clear my medical entrance test and landed up doing bsc in botany IInd yr.i've been a good friend with my mom always.but being a l'll bossy and ego person(which she should be)she fails to come upto my satisfaction level(she often ignores me,never likes my thoughts,snubs me,makes decisions which'd be on her side)2 yrs back I ended up with my one great friend 'coz she and my mom didn't work out well.my mom thinks she was olways rude) while I think she was equally egoistic as my mom is and that's why two cudn't gel up well. I had a great rapport with her as well as my mom (I think)'coz I don't lament much for my ego thing.later I met another girl who was from my school, lives near my place and I found her great.though she doesn't have parents and lives with her grandies.she hasn't been good in academics(but i'm a book worm & active in classroom) but she's very trustworthy,helpful and a clean soul and understanding girl. she's my only friend I'd call as a BFF.initially my mom also had a good bond with her, they were inseperable and I was happy,for my mom gave her mother's affection. it lso made two of us closer. we talked a lot & I felt I trust her more than anyone else. but few days back my mom had a bad word with her. I found my mom being egoistic again.i felt i'd lose a frnd again but I was amazed that this friend was vry understanding. she didn't give up me for my fussy mom who even behaved very badly with her. she told me that she understands my state & 'd wait for me till the things settled although she said the same thing my previous friend said to me- I will always lose my bonds if I don't stop my mom.this scares me everytime.i decided I wasn't going to lose this frnd of mine.my mom was horrified to see me arguing with her('coz that's very unlikely me) for a friend.she feels that all my friends are jealous of my so friend-like-bond-with-my-mom which I think is absurd and not true.with 3 months passed to this argument today my mom fusses over everything I do. she says i'm ignoring my family. I don't study. I always want to spend time with that aimless orphan girl who's not gonna do anything in life(which she thinks for all my friends),I've even ignored myself to serve heretc etc. whenever I try to explain she again accuses me of becoming rude like my friend which is obvio. not true. she even blames her for my low scores in last sem. which is not true(I was preparing for the entrances).my mom turns red whenever my frnd calls or I ask to visit her. now me and my frnd meet secretly talk on phone late at night aftr everyone's asleep. I feel like doing a crime.how do I know if I really have to set limits for my friend?or is my bond with her harming me anyway?or is it just my mom's intrusion in my space or security of losing me as her friend?are my frnds correct that i'll lose all my bonds this way?what should I do?pls advise.
In the U.S. a person is considered an Adult at age 18. I am not clear on whether you meant you are of east indian descent or Native American "Indian" living in the U.S. or whether you live elsewhere. I would like that most countries consider a person to be an adult responsible for their own choices and actions and no longer having to take instruction from or follow the wishes of parents.
Many parents have trouble making the switch from the parenting mode to allowing you to be an adult at 18. I am going to guess that the law backs you up at your age of 19 as being an adult even in India. You could check on that. So if legally an adult, even though still living with parents, you do not need to give up your ability to make your own choices for your life, who your friends are, who you marry, where you go to school or what vocation you study or go for and where you work seem to be the basics that parents fight their adult children on, throwing fits if you don't give up your rights. Many simply do as asked which only encourages a parent to continue in this bad behavior and get worse and more demanding of you. You can love a parent and yet take a stand. Same as a parent can love their younger 5 yr old but expect them to follow certain rules. Enforcing those rules and the consequences that come from breaking them doesnt mean your mom didn't love you back then. Same applies if you set down the ground rules and boundaries for your own life now. Mom must know she's expected to abide by it or face the consequences of you not choosing to spend much time around her and you will still make your own decisions. It doesnt even matter if you end up making a decision with terrific results or bad ones. All of us, e ven as adults will continue to learn from our own mistakes, that can't always be prevented. So sit mom down, have a good talk with her and let her know you still love her but that you are going to take control and decision making over for your own life. Let her know you appreciate the job she did raising you and even if some of your choices might not reflect what she has taught you growing up, its your decisions to make, your own life to discover thru your successes and failures. You know she wants to help you avoid the failures and heartaches cus she loves you and you appreciate that. However unless you come to her asking for her input and opinion on a matter, you kindly request that she learn to stop parenting you the same way as when you were younger. You may still be her child, and you love her as mom but the dynamics of your relationship must change and evolve into something a little different than what you've both grown so used to. You will still enjoy having times hanging out with her because a mother-daughter relationship is very special and rewarding but things change, you will have much of your time going to focus in college, a job, friends and developing your current intereests further or discovering new ones, all of which will take away the amount of time you used to have solely to spend with her. We can't expect relationships to remain exactly the same all life long and never evolve, grow and change in many ways. What happens when you find a guy and marry and start having kids. Will she continue to be upset because you now have your own family to be there for and can't be the sole reason for your moms purpose in life. A parent of an adult child needs to find a new purpose in life when their mothering role evolves into something that no longer satisfies that nurturing caring part of them the same way it always has. Some look forward to being grandparents and that helps in that need but others need to find new interests or passions, perhaps joining a walking/hiking club for older people, volunteering time in organizations, even in schools, etc.
Kids who leave home and get apartments with friends make this transition a bit more real and final to their parents, that you are now an adult. Its not so easy for Mom to see if you still live at home. Hopefully you both can come to some sort of understanding where you still have control of your life and she is no longer throwing fits and tantrums. If not, it might be time to get creative and find a group of friends to go in on renting a house together, apt. or finding a home owner with a bedroom to rent that you can afford so you can make the change to being on your own for your good and for moms.
Im 17 and my gf and i took each others virginities last night and when i was inside her she said she felt like she had to pee and that it was too late but when i took out my penis clear gooey stuff was squirting out of her vagina onto me and i just want to know ifthats
ifthat's normal or if im hurting her
Thats a normal physical action that wasn't medically or scientifically researched enough to have much info until lately. So, no...you are not hurting her, but helping her have a G-spot orgasm.
Your girlfriend just had the female version of the males ejaculation. Not all females are able to squirt out liquid like this with a G spot orgasm but those who have these orgasms will release their own ejaculatory liquid out a much smaller hole near the hole to her urethra or if the diversionary connecting tract never developed internally which doesnt in many women, the ejaculate goes straight into their bladder which has been confirmed by tests of females pee before orgasm and after where the ejaculate was discovered in her pee.
It is thinner, runnier than the initial thicker liquid released when aroused for lubrication purposes.
I know for sure she had a G spot orgasm because you mentioned she said she felt like she had to pee, so please tell her about this, that feeling is normal because the G spot is located internally about an inch in past her pubic bone and is the patch of rougher prune like skin, much like the texture of ones testicles. It is on the tummy side of her vagina and when stimulated manually by fingers or a toy or during intercourse with a penis, this prune like area becomes engorged with blood like the males penis is engorged by blood, and makes the area super sensitive to touch. From that point on, its a matter of time til pressure builds to the point she feels she needs to pee which is what a woman feels just before her orgasm as she won't have this 'pee urge' feeling with a clitoral orgasm, thats different. Most people, myself included when younger, do not know the physics of this or even that the possibility exists. So females fear that they have to pee and shut down and stop and learn to avoid any sex that might bring on this type of feeling for fear of peeing while having sex and shut off their feelings or just stop and therefore never have a g spot orgasm or may hear about such a thing but have no way of understanding what it actually is.
If she is worried that she might be actually peeing cus it feels exactly the same, suggest that she empty her bladder first next time before sex. The bladder does not refill quickly at all so if she allows her muscles to relax at the point of urge to pee, she will have her g spot orgasm again but this time without any fears. Her liquid is okay for you to have on you and running over you just as yours is okay for her.
I do hope you both are intending to use protection. Condoms are only safe to a certain percent, even if used properly, they can be defective, have a pin sized hole, or rip while in use. Had that happen once in my life time. Now that you've both started, you're more likely to want to continue to have sex regularly so she should go get on the pill if she isn't already as while not 100% effective, its better than just condoms which are said to be good for STD protection.
If she has any specific questions or concerns about the topic, let her know she can contact me through my column here and ask.
NOT on Real-wishes.com just so you know.
But I first wished for it on the night of the meteor shower. I saw a couple meteors, but for over ten minutes, I didn't see anymore. So I started to think about my wish and suddenly a beautiful light from a meteor went by and I wished for the wish. Ever since then I have a dream about this wish each night. But I can barely remember seeing it, but still know it was there.
I'm a very depressed person and very anxious too. But whenever I do my affirmations about this wish and think about it, I feel like the happiest person in the world.
I'm SO VERY certain about this wish. I have so much faith in it, and I just KNOW it's going to happen to me. I truly believe in it.
What else can I do to help this wish come true? Please be serious, because this wish will literally save my life.
I am glad you have seen a difference when you make your affirmations about your wish. Not that the meteor or star has magic that will make things better for you, but its the positive focus and positive thinking/thoughts that have magic to transform our situation, bringing on some improvements for a person or for those with not clinical depression but the occasional kind from a situation that comes up for the average person bringing on temporary depression, positive influence can return such a person to their cheery self and wipe away their temporary depression at once.
Regardless of what your wish is, I can think of something that may help a little for you. If it helps you, you'll be in a better position to make the kinds of choices that help for bring about your wish if its even physically or financially possible.
What I am thinking of is called EFT for short and written out its' "Emotional Freedom Technique" also called 'tapping'.
I have a link to an article that explains what it is and where this practice came from, and how it works. So I will post that link and then a you tube video of someone who has dozens of tapping videos with a 'repeat after me' dialogue you copy and speak as you also copy doing the tapping at the same time at points on your face and torso. It might sound easy to do but if your inner self is truly listening to what you said out loud but doesnt totally believe it or you have been lying to yourself, then there will be inner conflict during which people tend to get emotional and have a release of emotions such as crying or anger and thats okay, its part of the healing process. Heres yours links:
http://www.emofree.com/eft-tutorial/tapping-basics/what-is-eft.html
First, an instructional video by Bard Yates explaining what he will be doing and what you might want to do to be prepared.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiD72cZ5mcU
One of Brads EFT videos. Look up more on his u tube channel or write him asking for one that deals with simply specific, which if he doesn't already have, he will create.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Zp0xcHJCZE
26 female
I have a meeting with the Georgia Job Rehabilitation Program Tuesday August 18th from 10:00 a.m to 11:30 a.m. This is a program that's in the state of Georgia that helps people that have disabilities get jobs that won't affect their income.
I have Social Anxiety disorder
ADHD
Depression
Bipolar Disorder
An essential trimmor witch causes me to shake when I get nervous
They also say that I have a very mild form of mental retardation with the IQ of 69
I recieved a letter in the mail yesterday that said that I need to bring a copy of my resume and Work History but I dont have any work History because I recieved SSI venefits since the age of 12 when my mom discovered that I had disabilities. I do hsve volunteer Hiatory with my local church and I wanted to know if that eould be acceptable for eork History? I also volunteered with my cousin at local nursing home s and local drug rehab centers would this be acceptable?
I do have a job babysitting my cousin who has Autisim. alI have had this babysitting job since I was in the 1oth grade. I know that iam not suppose to use family members as refrences I wanted to know if I could use my cousins as refrences sonce they are not immediate family. If I can't use my consin can I use her husband since he is only related by marriage?
In the letter that I received yesterday they said yo dress like I would for a Job intervie but ai never had an interview so I dont know what it is appropiate.
They also said that I needed to bring medical records that prove I have disabilities would my award letter from Social Security be sufficient enough?
Thank you in advance.
Hon, I used to be a caregiver of a gal with mild mental retardation and other physical issues so I do have some knowledge of the situation.
Employers considering hiring a person with issues as yours and who likely has been on SSI most their lives, will understand that in many cases there will not be previous work experience and thus not likely to be a list of people who you worked with or under to list as references. The references they really want will be those who can vouch for how well you work, your consistancy, dependability and how friendly you are, etc.
My client was involved in a work program just like you and I remember the hiring process when the company she worked for shut down and she had to find a job all over. I was in close touch with and got to know the lady who was her go between and actually did the job searching for her and was available to help walk her through all the questions and prep work like you have asked. The job rehab program is just training to learn some job skills and what your capabilities are but not set up to help you through the process of applying for a job and the hiring and interview process. Often people in your situation need an ongoing person who understands their special needs and will act as a go between for the person and the potentional boss or current boss. It would seem you don't have that. Its available in my state, don't know about yours, but one way to find out is to talk with your state licensed social worker assigned to you. Either you or the parents call and mention what you are looking for and she should be able to give referals to a job counselor if one is not provided through your job rehab. program.
For now, I would guess you are being checked to see how ready and knowledgeable or capable you are of handling these details on your own as you are going not to a private employer for a job interview but a 'practice' one with your job rehab. ctr.
But to answer your questions, you are in the same position as a teenager going for their first job, they will not have any previous work history. In that case, anything they have done where they performed tasks for others on a consistant basis will showcase your abilities in a positive way to an employer. So yes, any volunteer work you have done is good to list. When it comes to mentioning that you can be trusted to be dependable and relied on to handle being in a position of being in charge, then the babysitting of your autistic cousin would be a good example as well. SO list everything you mentioned to me. They will want to know the name of the place or organization you volunteered at, their address and a contact phone number. For references, you will want to list people who worked with you or those in charge who enjoyed having you there and know you well enough to give a good report about you to a potential employer, same with this interview on the 18th. Make a list of the names of the people with their phone numbers, names of those in charge at the nursing home who knew you, maybe one of the residents you forged a close friendship with too, for the church, the pastors name and who ever was in charge at the drug rehab center that knows you pretty well. But before you just put them on the list, call and tell them you are getting interview training to get ready to find a job and need references of those who can vouch for how you worked as a volunteer. Ask if they would be willing and if they are, then they will be expecting a call from a future hiring person/or owner of a company. Generally the reason why family and those related by marriage into your family are not wanted as references is because in some cases, family will always give a good report because you are family, whether its the truth or not. And an employer wants the truth. So while I would leave family members off the list, I would mention on the 18th that with your special circumstances and need showcasing your abilities that you mentioned the babysitting for family, as it is relevant to showing how you have been consistantly responsible in that position for over 10 years and if they would also like the contact information of the family member for whom you've done babysitting all those years, then you'd be happy to provide it.
In a real job interview, how you dress will also make a good impression on people who might hire you so it is important for this reason to dress your very best. Wearing business slacks instead of jean, or a skirt and a nice blouse instead of a tee shirt will do the trick. Not all jobs require that as your normal daily wear to work and jeans and tees may actually be what people wear to work daily but for the interview, dress up as you would if going to a church service or going to someones wedding. I cant say for certain if your award letter from Soc. Security would be enough. What you can do is call the phone number on the letter or your contanct number for the job program, mention the letter you received, your appointment and that you have a questions regarding one of the things they require that you bring. Ask if the letter from Soc.Security is sufficient and if not, what they might want from you instead or in addition to. Not all employers might want letters from medical doctors, therapists or mental health counselors but some might, nothing giving away any personal information but just a letter verifying that you are a patient of their office for tremors, ADHD, Depression, Bi polar, or retardation. They should be able to tell you on the phone what they require. If you cant obtain all the paperwork needed in time, as its this coming Tuesday, then let them know you are still working on getting that information and ask if they will accept it at a later date. The fact you got your instruction letter with so little time to pull this together, left you little time and no training on how to get prepared for a job interview. In the case of my client, she only wore sweats and tees and was on low income and couldnt afford to purchase interview clothing so her personal job counselor did a search and found a local agency that gives away free interview style clothing (2nd hand) to the handicappped who are looking to go on job interviews. There may be such an agency in your area which would be the job of an employment counselor thru the state who helps you find such a place and also helps find potential companies willing to hire the disabled.
I hope this helps you. But I would seriously ask my state social worker for help getting a job finding/hiring counselor through the state. I cant remember their official title but he/she should know what you are talking about if you discover on Tuesday at the rehab. program that they don't provide this service. It is a good thing to ask them though if they can recommend where you can find such a person to help you.
Good luck and don't worry, this is more to find out how prepared you are for the 'real' interview process. As for clothing for Tuesday, I'd ask family who are your size to borrow a skirt and blouse or slacks for the interview.
So I'm a strong Christian and I'm 15 and going to be a sophomore. I have been a Christian for years. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and he is a Christian also (17 and senior). As Christians we don't believe in marriage before sex but we have already been to third base together even though we say we won't go further. Is that too far? Inside I feel like it is but I don't know how to slow down sexual but keep up in the relationship. What should I do?
Hi Hon. Heres my perspective as a female who was a Christian as a teen and marriage to a guy from church.
I have learned that just because you might find a mouse in the cookie jar, that doesn't make him a cookie. In other words, my husband acted like a Christian when convenient or wanting to fool others, but at home he wasnt with me. Not only being treated badly but I found to my dismay that we were not a match sexually and there were too many differences that would require one of us being someone and doing things that we didn't want to, changing for the other. I married at age 20, knowing nothing really, being too naive and choosing to believe what was taught in church to save your virginity for your marriage partner. So I did, although he was no virgin. I did eventually divorce him once our kids were grown. I've learned much along the way. My advice to my youngest daughter when she asked if she should still wear a promise ring and remain a virgin or to just have sex with someone if she has feelings for them and it seems right, is that I now believed thru my own experiences, that it is better to 'test drive' the car before purchase or compared to a guy, have sex with him before you make the commitment of marriage.
I have also learned that the Bible had rules written that worked for bible times or the meanings then are totally different compared to what we think it means today. For example, adultery in bible times, a time when men owned their wives like property meant that if another man came along enticing that women to spend time with him, that took her away from her home and duties with her husband and that in that time was considered stealing as the husband didnt give his permission for another man to have sex with his wife. It was often a custom to offer a traveling stranger all the comforts of home for the night, a meal, a bed and your wife for sex. Not that all did that but it was not a frowned upon practice. So while we think having sex outside of marriage is adultery today, its only that if the married couple have not agreed to it together. I can't remember the reasoning behind why one had to wait for marriage but I figure one big deal was that they could not do paternity tests back then and there was no birth control meds available. So for a man to know that a woman he was marrying didn't already carry another man's child, it was important to stress that the women must remain virgins. It didn't apply to men as they cant get pregnant.
Also, when we use the word virgin to describe the fact we have not had intercourse, (penis in vagina sex) if taking the actual meaning of the word virgin, thats not the right word. Have you heard of a virgin forest? Virgin means untouched by and in the case of a forest, that no humans have ever walked in that forest. You are no longer a virgin to sex. There are many parts to sex including all the foreplay, and oral sex or mutual masturbation. So in essense, you are already no longer a virgin. Think about it, what is so important about waiting to have intercourse with ones wife or husband for the first time. When I did, it was terrible and remained so for the entire marriage. Neither of us had the right chemistry to incite passion and desire in each other so it became a chore to relieve pressure for him and never satisfy me. This is why its important to discover your own sexuality and your likes and desires ahead of time so when you think you've found the man you want to marry, you'll have a good idea if he's a good match on the sexual side of things and the 2nd part needed for a good marriage is being each others best friends.
Think on this dear, at what point are gay couples no longer virgins. They have a sex life too and two penis's or two vagina's make it impossible to have penis in vagina sex if thats what it means to no longer be a virgin.
So the only question left then is, when do you feel ready and wanting to have sex with a guy? It is your choice. Your parents may not agree and thats why there are laws in place now so they can not be told if you go to your doctor or planned parenthood for birth control. I know some kids have sex at 15 but I would have to agree that for most kids, it is too early still, they aren't ready to handle having sex if they cannot discuss birth control together or have any open conversation about sex together instead of just winging it and doing it. Sex always takes having good communication between a couple, no matter how old we get. My 2nd husband and I communicative often giving instructions, like go easier, go faster, lets switch positions or hey did you feel that? Birth control is one of those topics that should be discussed between both.
Teen boys when I was your age, are no different than teen boys of today because their bodies are exactly the same with the same desires. God made us to be sexual creatures as well as spiritual ones. One cant nurture only the spiritual and say that is okay but ignore sexuality, try to avoid it, consider it sinful in any context other than missionary position between a husband and wife, etc. When I was younger and even early in marriage, I felt guilty whenever I masturbated because I was taught it was sinful. Yet I could not stop. Once I learned how to truly hear GOd talking to me, answering me, I learned that GOd did not have a problem with me doing that. In fact to prove the point, when night while awake in bed but hubby asleep, I was praying and God insisted He could prove masturbation and orgasms was okay by allowing me to have one that neither I nor my husband touched me or did anything to bring it on. I felt a surge of energy and the next thing I knew, I was having an orgasm, without having sex with my husband...that was the proof I needed. God works differently with each of us depending on where we are at in our spiritual path and wont push you to do anything you aren't ready for. But you have to be willing to trust God fully and it took many years for me to go from partial trust to full trust in God. So...in addition to all I've said, I would advise you also asking God his opinion on what you are doing. You may not be able to ask and hear back yet, but I was learning at your age, and it was hit and miss. If I didn't hear words back in my head, at least I felt a peace about something, or I felt agitated. So work on hearing from God cus He has your best interests in mind regarding your spiritual growth as a soul. Sex is a gift to you that really has no bearing on your spirituality but a soul can eventually grow to a point where the sexual act can at times feel like a spiritual event. Good luck dear.
I just want your opinion.
Who are to blame for child deliquency The Parent or The Government??
I agree with adviceman. I have an analogy that might help make the answer clearer for you. When you purchase a new microwave, computer, i-phone, car, etc... they come with an owners manual on how to use it and a section for troubleshooting. When a couple add a child to their life, it does not come with an instruction manual describing how best to raise it and how to train it, how to take care of issues and bad behavior. Not only that, but no two kids are alike, so what may have worked with the first kid is not going to work with the next. Using the house hold items or car again as example, if something isn't working right, there are issues, do you call on government agencies to help tell you how to care for your computer or car properly? It never has been and never will be the job of the police department or your local state rep or DSHS to instruct you on how to use and care for your car for example. So why would parents turn to the government for instructions? Some parents have a natural instinct on what to do, most do not. So think about it, how does anybody learn something new? There's different learning styles but most learn from hearing and being instructed or being shown how and then given chances to do it on their own. Thats how you learned to tie your shoes, or feed yourself, etc...from observing your parents. Parents have for too long decided not to parent their child or feel they dont have the time with both working full time or 2 jobs so kids are left to raise themselves in some cases. Thats like expecting your car to take itself for an oil change regularly and put gas in its own tank without you doing it for the car.Kinda dumb, sounding huh? But thats what many parents do. I dont know how to raise the child so I will do nothing and so by default, it falls to the government to have to step in and set guidelines and laws, some laws that in fact take away parents rights on how to raise their kids. It often can create a bigger problem when government attempts to 'control' the raising of children something they were never meant to do. It has always been the role of the parents and the new parents learned from asking their parents, (the kids grandparents) or getting idea's from other parents, friends and neighbors. It was the parents and community who raised the kids, not the government. As I said, each child can be different. I had 3 girls. The first two were easy, the 3rd was a struggle in that from an early age, 2 and on, it became apparent that she didn't like to be told what to do, she wanted to be able to make ALL decisions on her own, like an adult but no kids at age 2, 6, or 9 can even fully comprehend all the angles to a situation and know how to make good decisions on their own. I didnt give up but it was hard. then one day, a women about 10 years older who had my daughter in her sunday school class around age 4,5 approached me and told me she loved having my daughter in class and she reminded her of her own daughters personality. She then described her daughter to me and it was the same as mine. She then asked if I would like any ideas and help on how to handle her. I said yes, being very grateful. Most parents today are insulted or upset if anyone attempts to help with advice when thats the exact thing needed. I was told to give her choice because thats ultimately what she wants. I need to be okay with any of the choices I give her but the thing I don't want her to do is also a choice she can make, but let her know what negative consequences come with it, like no dessert, going to bed early or sent to her room, no TV, etc... and the options she can make that I'm okay with have positive consequences. Its rare that little kids so stubbornly and tenaciously will hang in there trying to make their own decisions and giving you hell if you dont let them. So I tried this method, not sure tho that a child so young could understand the consequences part. But every single time, without fail, when given the enticing choice and the not so good choices, she always chose the right path. We dont give kids the credit due. If we explain things at a level that they can understand, and give each child exactly what they need, they are so intelligent and will make the right choices. Kids need to feel loved and wanted not abused and neglected and that also contributes to issues. However the family unit is supposed to be the first place they learn about love and caring for others and respect for others etc... all in the family unit. When the family unit falls apart, it fall
s to government who makes an even poorer example of how to be a good citizen because they are not the childs parents, grandparents, aunts uncles, family friends or next door neighbor.
I can honestly say this, if not for that church member mom who gave me helpful advice on how to handle my own daughters unique personality, I can't say how she might have turned out, I could easily have had a delinquent child in her, even though I was a loving attentive parent and did fine with the first two.
I have been using xasten for over a month now to gain weight because am very skinny.. But now it give me a fat face and I had to stop taking it.. I just want to know if my face will still return back to its normal look and if No,what can I do or take to make my face normal again?
As with all drugs, some people experience side effects and those may vary in time to recooperate from depending on the drug, the symptoms and how long the drug may take to totally leave your body. I recently had a skin reaction to a new blood pressure med and went to my doctor. I told her and showed her my side effect and she says that its a known reaction that some people get. I then asked how long before I might see all traces gone and was told it could vary. I should see improvement in my skin during next few days and over the next week or so the rest will slowly continue to fade away. It took 2 weeks in my case. So this is something you need to ask your Doctor or your pharmacist. THOSE are the only two types of people who would be qualified to answer this. Its a simple phone call to the dr. office and his medical assistant will likely deliver the answer to you and you probably wont be called in for an appt. If you prefer to get your answers online, you could do a search for "free online doctor consultation" and that will bring up several hits for you to try. Here's some:
www.livechatwithdoctor.com/qa/
www.freeinternetdoctor.com
www.doctorspring.com
My bestfriend and I went to college and he took the easy way. The median of his salary when he graduates is around 40k while mine is 90k, I warned him about this and he told me that its ok. Now I was trying to observe both his and my experiences.
On his first month, he and his new friends went to mount rushmore for four days. Then their second year was even more of a blast, they went to paris.
Now I have many things to be jealous about, I know I'm not supposed to be feeling this way since I have a bright future ahead, since I never get grades any lesser than 98, but he just seems to have so much fun.
Here are the things im jealous about:
1.) How much fun he has on his studies
2.) How much friends he has
3.) He's my bestfriend, I should've been there the first time he rode a plane, but he has other friends with him.
First, to maybe help you to deep down deep and really ask yourself why you are jealous, its best to know that jealousy is nothing more than like an indicator light on the dashboard letting you know something is wrong. In humans, jealousy always is equal to a fear or feeling of loss/losing.
You feel you are losing out on all the fun.
You feel you are losing out by not having as many friends.
You feel the loss of his companionship, fear you are losing him as best friend to others.
If you Really wanted the path of playing around and having more fun rather than pouring yourself into a better degree, you would have taken the same path. You didnt for a reason, you are thinking about your future and the best way to have a comfortable living AND by able to take some wild fun trips/vacations. He just got his earlier, you'll get yours later and probably many more and fancier than he ever could.
As for more friends, since when has quantity of friends been a better thing to go for than quality friends. Quality friends will always be smaller in number, no more than a handful usually. So if you have a friend or two besides him and those two are really good friends, pay your full attention on them while with them and let them know how much you appreciate them instead of not being in the moment with them and worrying about not being with your male friend. And Adviceman explained #3 perfectly.
So the question might be, why are you going for this degree. Is it expected of you by family rather than something your heart is into? We do often lie to ourselves when we make choices that we didn't want to make thinking it'll help us deal with the choices better, convince ourselves that this is really the path we wanted to take.
You sound almost as if you weren't truly ready to be serious and apply yourself to a good education and obtaining a good job and wanted instead to play around first. Thats okay cus Some people choose to go biking around a foreign country or two, using hostels and enjoying a bit of seeing the world cus once a home owner, having a spouse and kids and its hard to get time off from job, the chances of doing so are much slimmer to none, especially if their income puts them at a just maintaining level financially with no spare money to afford trips and vacations. Once a young person has enjoyed some travel, there's no reason why they can't then buckle down and go for a real good degree and job. They just achieve theirs a little later by taking off a year or two for travel. I do agree that yes at times in life, those who are really working harder and applying themselves don't always find in fun, but thats part of the deal. You choose the pay now, play later option rather than play now and pay later.
I have a baby shower & a birthday coming up on the same day. I want to be able to make both gifts very cute and nice but I only have about 20 dollars for each gift and even that is a bit much. I was planning on getting a gift card to a clothing store for the birthday because me & my friend have plans to go shopping there. For the baby shower, for my niece, I have no idea what to get. My Mom is giving me a pink knitted outfit to give as part of the gift. Any ideas how I can make both special?
When limited on getting something really useful, the best thing is going in on one big gift, like 3 or 4 paying for diaper service or a highchair, or two sharing cost of getting a diaper bag if she doesnt have one yet. Ask her parents as they may have a better idea of what she already has or doesnt without having to ask your niece and kinda give away the surprise. Or put together a bunch of small things like a teething kit for later, some chew toys that can be frozen, and a nice teething med. and bibs or cloths made for the drooling they do while teething. Or you can do the same with other small items that kind of go together. Or check out an interactive toy for babies. there are some cute choices out there.
I am looking for a good website that has online book clubs?
A friend does the on line book club and heres the one she uses: www.goodreads.com
I am in a committed relationship (3yrs) and we have a 16 month old son together. I love him more than anything. We have a couple issues but are open and communicative about them. One is that he is a workaholic and his current job requires minimum of 12 hour days. The second issue is that he had a low sex drive where as mine is insatiable. Add that to the fact that he's never home and our love life is pretty much nonexistent.
I met a guy and he has become my best friend. He is an amazing person. I know that he is not someone I would likely end up with but I can't help but feel this insanely strong attraction to him. I don't want to cheat but I am finding myself wanting to spend all my time with him and I desire to be intimate with him. How do I deal with this feeling without losing a life long friend? Chances are it's just a crush and will fade but until then how do I prevent something from happening. My willpower is fading quickly.
I can understand the long work hours. When I met my 2nd husband, he was a delivery driver and required to work 12 hour days often but usually ten, except more on Holidays like Christmas and including Sat. mornings. In my case, he has a high libido and wanted to talk with me in the little time we had together in our first 2 yrs, til he got laid off. So it is possible to make things work even with little time, as long as it is quality time.
Like adviceman, I am guessing here because there isn't much to go on as to what the situation was like before the baby, or even what your partner was like around the time you met. I wonder if he was working those same hours back then. If so, either you ignored the fact he had little time for you back then, in which case that was a choice you made and a problematic one, or you were riding the uphoria of a new relationship, and mistook it to be mutual passion for each other and compatibility but instead it was the excitement energy of something new in your lives that mimics the real thing but wears off fairly quickly. When it wears off, most people won't believe it but stubbornly keep hanging in there on a relationship where neither have much in common or a few factors in play that kill relationships. I also understand having a high sex drive as a female with an ex who had a low one but plenty of time around me. A female's libido can sometimes fall asleep if there is no one at the time in her life, but she can still suffer from lack of intimacy otherwise such as his attention, quality time, good conversation. It takes 2 things to have a successful relationship: 1 being each others best friend and all that goes along with it 2 being sexually compatible and fulfilling each others needs.
You dont have just one as lots of relationships have, you have neither. So its no surprise that you yearn for both companionship and sex with this other guy. You can stop seeing him so theres no temptation but that will not make your needs go away. When a persons body needs food for sustenance, staying out of the kitchen or not going near restaurants is not going to take away your hunger now, is it? Same here. Your mind and heart has a valid need for friendship, company and companionship, your body has a need for sex and being loved. If you want to give your relationship every chance, the best thing you could do is sit him down and tell him that the hours he works plus not havinga the sex life you need is something you cant turn off the needs for so you're being drawn to seek out men for friendship and finding you desire them, just because of unmet needs. Masturbating can help a little with release but its not the same thing. And in the end is not a solution either. Even if he worked normal hours, ask yourself if you truly wouldn't have an issue with him. Just in case there's something you're unwilling to admit, like myself, unwilling to admit things never worked out in marriage even from the beginning, things only got worse to the point I eventually divorced after 30 years of terrible and seldom sex and other problems as well. I was with him for years before having kids so that wasnt the reason for staying. I just thought my love alone could make it work. Unfortunately it doesn't because I learned as I matured and grew as an adult, that it takes two people putting in equal effort into a relationship to make it work, otherwise its only a pretence of a relationship that in truth isn't working and sheer willpower will do nothing to mend it. I was with the wrong guy in first marriage and didn't see it til years later. Often that is the main problem in unhappy marriages, forcing it to work when the two never were a match at all. So besides all of what adviceman said which could apply, what I've written could apply too. So have an honest talk with him and see if he's willing to go for couple counseling...you dont have to be officially married to go. And perhaps that will clear up the issues for you both enough to know if this is something worth fighting for or if you are mismatched cus what you are doing is not crushing...not when it is unmet needs. Thats a whole different ballpark.
I want to have sex with my friends mom she is divorced
14 male
Adviceman gave all the advice I would have. I only wnat to add that my 2nd husband has told me about his past and what he shared may apply to you too.
Its usually more a reality that at 14 you are simply horny from hormones of puberty and guys find themselves attracted to certain women and love to fantasize and masturbate to images of that person if not dream of having sex with them.
Of course there is a law that makes it illegal until you turn eighteen. My husband knew as a teen of 16, 17, that he was attracted to females older than him rather than those his own age because those his age were too immature, drama queens, and not self confident as older women were. Once he turned 18, he still felt the same way and often was in relationships with women older than him who wanted the companionship and the sex but didn't want a husband. It worked realy well for him for years. In one case in his older twenties, he even dated a lady turning 50. And it worked out for both of them. However when it came down to who would be his partner to have a child with, he found a woman his age and married, later divorced and now he's with me. I am only a year older than him but he still finds that overall, women of my age and older still catch his eye long before young college age girls.
So if you do find that you only have an attraction for just this one older lady, yeah its normal. If you grow older and find all your buddies have girlfriends thier age and you arent dating anyone because what you really want is an older woman, well, thats normal too. As long as both are of legal age to have consentual sex then the age difference doesnt matter. So this was just a note to let you know if in time, the type of women you focus on and are attracted to doesnt change, its normal too.
I am 17/f about to be 18 next month. I have been talking to this 21 year old guy since December. It was such a random thing, he messaged me on fb very politely, we had a really nice conversation and havent really stopped talking since. Hes always been very kind and sweet to me, always consistent. He asked me out in January but I didnt start liking him until around March/April. In the meantime he always treated me very very well. We got into to a relationship around April and weve been getting stronger and better and my feelings have grown a lot for him. And the way things went with meeting him and all that has been truly amazing. He can sense how im feeling, synchronicities always happen between us. I do not believe in coincidences and I feel like all this was no accident. However, ive been hiding this from my mom until just recently in July. I told her mostly everything about him. She got to see a video of what he looks and acts like..and she thinks hes an imbecile. Thats hes embarassing and all this other ridiculous crap. She wants me to stop talking to him completely, to just shut him out. End it. That ill move on and meet someone better. Someone who's good enough for me and is my own age. She threatened that if I dont stop that she's tempted to take matters into her own hands and Im scared of what she'll do. She said there is no way this is going to happen. And she said to stop hiding things from her and that im two faced and a betrayer for doing so. Im honestly so confused and terrified. Is this a trial? An obstacle we have to overcome? Because nothing worth having is easy to come by? Or is this a sign that I really should end it and stop this. But how can I do that? We have the most ridiculous, incredible connection. And honestly im terrified to end things because im afraid of what he might do. It would break his heart and when hes upset and gets very negative, its hard for him to shake. He cant work, eat, hed want to hurt himself. And no one in his life rn could really comfort him besides me. Im just very torn. What do I do? I cant even text him now cause his number showed up on our phone bill and now my mom has his number. And also, i know this is awful, but the past few days when all this shit with my mom has been happening, I have been missing this kid I used to like. He was my best friend and since ive had a bf, he hasnt really wanted me to talk to other guys. So I havent been able to talk to my friend and I miss him. I always wondered why things didnt work out with him.. I know its because he wasnt/isnt ready enough to handle a mature relationship. He has too much shit on his plate. But I dont know.. does this all mean I should listen to my mom and start talking to my friend again? Not in a romantic way but just in a friend way for right now. Or should I disobey and fight for the guy who has been there for me, loved me and has such a deep connection with and because im almost 18? I dont know. Please help. Thank you!
You want to know if these difficulties with Mom are a sign of something or not. Oh yes...they are a sign that she's got some personal issues. She sounds quite like a controlling personality and I should know with a ex and a past friend like that.
Now he has admitted to using controlling behavior because to him it was normal cus Dad did it. Somewhere along the line, someone must have told him it was inappropriate behavior if he is mentioning it. However, finding a girlfriend who was needy and dependant on him is something controllers do. Sometimes they make a mistake cus the female seems to be shy, more quiet and they mistake that for being a very dependant female. My ex musta thought that of me cus I was not the cowering weak type but stood up for my rights and he didnt like it if I fought back. It may be that he even doesnt realize this, but subconsciously, some part of him picked up on you being someone he would do well with in relationship, like a computer having a virus that affects everything on it. This controlling behavior is the virus and it will find any weakness you may have and having the mom you have, or even how you talk normally with people may subconsciously clue a person in at that level that you are someone perfect for them. You are already used to a mom like that so it would be easier for you to deal with a guy like this. Its harder once you fall for a person like that to see things straight. Maybe this will help explain why i mention the subconscious mind. In all of us our subconscious seems to take a role of wanting to pleasse us and help us get that which we need and want and desire. Its like trusting this to the naivity of a two year old to help here, and so, our subconscious will interpret that which we are used to from our past, that which we focus on most, to have great importance and will make us happy. What people focus on more often than not is their troubles, their fears, their bad memories and unhappiness and the sub assumes that it takes up most of your thought life because it is a good thing for you and will do anything to help you make choices and decisions that bring that exact thing you logically wouldn't want, right into your life. thats whats operating when a woman says, what am I doing wrong. I've dated 5 guys now and all I can seem to find is the losers who end up abusive. Why do I keep attracting them? Its a matter of their awake mind and sub mind at war with each other and fighting for opposite goals. I have learned to listen to my subconscious but also to not let it control my choices. I take time to explain to it, actually to myself why i really do not want to go into another abusive relationship and why I have made a list of what I truly am looking for in a guy. It helped. After the divorce, first guy ended up worse than my ex. I had to learn to tell myself what I really wanted, I couldn't just wing it with whatever life threw my way. I made a list of what I needed and wanted and found just that in 2nd husband.
Just saying all that to help you understand how this works. Your boyfriend even if he doesnt have mental illness that causes him to behave controlling, learned it from example, and even so, still needs counseling to deal with it and become a better possible mate for a girl. You don't solve his issues by finding a strong enough girl. Even if you are strong and believe you can stand up to him, I know the stress it takes on your body either emotionally or physically to do it. I was strong but the constant stress of having to push back and stand my ground with no down time to relax, eventually took its toll on me physically, ulcers, skin rashes, headaches and migraines. So Mom might be right that he isn't a good choice. However, sometimes, the best way we all learn is by experiencing a situation for ourselves rather than being warned about it.
In the end, its time at age 18 for you to begin making the best possible choices you know how to make, even tho they may pale in comparison to older adults who know better from much life experience. For mom to threaten you is wrong and childish as a way to get what she wants. But deep down, it is an twisted way of showing she cares about you and loves you and wants to spare you makng the mistakes she did or from experiencing the hurts she did. But successes or mistakes, are all yours to make. the only way Mom can have control and decision making power in your life is if you give it up and give it to her. the way you give it to her is by caving in and letting her win a couple times. She gains confidence in use of her tactics cus it gave her the results she wanted and so you've just trained mom to know you fear making her angry enough to pull away from you or throw a tantrum so you will always cave in if she presses enough or makes threats.
So you have two issues, one with learning to stand up to Mom and another regardless of what Mom or I think, whether this guy really is the best choice for you in a boyfriend or whether you are settling for less. getting your feeligs and emotions attached to a person isnt good for helping to see things as they really are. thats what's called seeing things thru rose colored glasses cus those in love feel everything is just perfect and rosy.
So all you can do is reassure Mom that you love her and let her know once you are officially 18 that you need to be the one in control of your life and all decisions now.
I realize there may be financial reasons to continue to live with Mom but legally, Mom is not obligated to give you a place to live and eat and help out with your bills once you turn 18 and are now officially considered an adult. So if you do attempt to make our own decisions that go contrary to hers whether shes right or not, she has that leverage, of being able to kick you out of the house to get you to bend to her will.
The only way you are going to gain the freedom to make your own decisions is when you no longer live at home and have mom holding threats like that over you. I would suggest making plans to perhaps find work first and get in on an apt by sharing with roomates to afford the cost. Just moving in with a ooyfriend puts you in a vulnerable place if he ends up being someone you know you need to break up with cus now you dont have a place to live. Move in with a sweetheart after a long time dating in person where you are fairly sure of his character and any possible red flags of things that are harmful to relationships that he does all the time. Some things can be easily hidden until living with a person and even so it may not be until then that you can be fully sure a guy is Mr. right for you or Mr. Wrong. But that is something for you as an adult to determine for yourself. You date and marry the person you believe is right for you. As you grow as an individual, you'll change and may discover the choices you made in relationships were the best you knew at the time but since you've changed, your partner no longer will do because you both have truly grown apart and its time to move on. Its all for you to learn. Some things cant be learned from reading about them in books or reading others advice. You still need to make decisions for your own life and some will not be as good as others, but as long as your learn from your not so good choices, then all is fine...thats part of being an adult. I wish you the best. So whether you choose to stay with bf or not, it should be based on whether he truly is the best guy for you at this point in your life according to what YOU BELIEVE, not what your mom believes or dictates. I have met all sorts of boyfriends as my daughter (now in 20's) cycle through them. Some I liked better than others, some I found to seem foolish and childish and far from being an adult, and others, I have seen some serious issues with them that could be detrimental to having a long relationship, its still going on and all I can do is support them in their choices but let them always know if they want to share any concerns or problems or ASK for my opinion or advice on anything from special ways to set a romantic setting to how to have a discussion where you don't accuse each other but solve your issues, I will be there for them. Kids rarely ask for my advice and they have gone through lots of hurts and some are currently in bad situations that cause me some concerns but I must hope that they will in time learn and grow as an individual by going through even any bad situations they make. Not all parents can see this. But this is what you deserve.
i am a 26 year old female and I wrote on here a few times about how my cousins husbabd is like my dad . He use to always tell me that no natter what I do he would never be mad at me but he might be disapointed. But here lately our father daughter reltionship has changed and it seems like he is always pisses off me matter how hard I try and last night he made the comment he dosnt want to be here if iam here and went in his room and shut the door snd sleot the rest of the evening. I dont know what I did. I have always been honest with him about my mistakes it may havr took me a few months to tell him but I have never actually lied to him. He wont speak to me. How do,I fix things and get things bacm to the,way tgey were before when I dont even know what I did. Its like i as m not his daughter anymore and he said i aways would be.
daughter,anymore
If you haven't done anything, then likely there are stresses in his life or other things, hurts or disappointments, not caused by you that may cause him to draw away and exclude you. Men can act in weird ways thinking they are doing the right thing. Heres an example. Before meeting my 2nd husband, I dated an one boyfriend (older adult) has some things happen that caused him stress and great unhappiness and had nothing to do with me. He felt that he would not be good company, not fit company and that in order to protect me from experiencing his reactions to his emotional issues at the time, he'd withdraw from me. I had to finally sit him down and have a good talk. He was puzzled that it hurt me for him to act so distant when he thought he was protecting me. Males can often be like that. they problem solve or see situations from a totally foreign perspective than females would and I will still say, that their way of acting by withdrawal still makes no sense to me but all I need to know is that it wasnt something I did knowingly or unknowingly to hurt the relationship, and thats all I need to give them the space they need to emotionally deal with whatever it is bugging them. If he can do that much, he owes you that much to let you know it wasnt something you did, then you could let him know that you'll give him the space he needs. But once he's done dealing with whatever it is internally and is ready to talk to you again, you'd appreciate him bein level with you and letting you know what was going on. In my case, I could have emotionally helped and supported the boyfriend better, actually it happened twice with two different boyfriends. Once a guy has resolved in his mind how to deal with what is troubling him, he will be ready to pick things up where he last left off as if nothing has happened. I did have one boyfriend thank me afterwards for not being upset but understanding when he asked for space and cut of communication. I had to wait until he was ready, and when he was, he explained everything because he knew I was emotionally mature enough ad stable enough to not react badly, or take things personally even if it wasnt me. Lots of guys will retreat instead of saying anything becuase they fear an emotional or drama reaction from a female. Some females, guys seem to expect that of them, whether theres something in their actions that warrant that concern or not, and they get really nervous not knowing how to comfort a certain female or calm her down if its bad news. My new husband almost got killed in a freak happening at work one day and didn't tell me about it until months later after no longer working there as he didn't want me to constantly worry every day about him. That is something males will do when they love you, they'll want to protect you emotionally from things, even though you may be able to handle it well as an adult. So have your talk. And if he doesnt respond, don't take it personally, its something he's dealing with. You could always ask your cousin but she may not know either as he likely hasn't let on to her what's eating him either or keeping a good pretence up with her.
I've been dating my older boyfriend for 4 years. He had commitment issues (took him 2 years to actually say I love you) because he was hung up on his ex-wife and wouldn't admit it. Two years ago, she died (cancer). He says he is complete and over her, yet I found a poem he wrote her recently saying how he loves her, and how he does everything in his day to make her proud, and how she's his best friend, and he can't wait till he sees her again. We had a fight about it, he said he wrote it so his girls could read it so it would help them. But he put I love you at the end.. and what was in it discredited me. Saying he did everything for her and still loves her, and nothing past tense. He still has her death card on the fridge after 2 years, her name is STILL on his taxes, water bill, and checks, and keeps a statue she wanted thats sitting in the breezeway. I've told him please remove her from his bills, please get rid of the statue IF it means nothing to him as he claims. and remove her pic off the fridge as it's been long enough and she should come down. He hasn't done anything. He hasn't made a move to really be present with me right here today. I feel like an outcast because he hasn't sat with his girls and said I'm in a committed relationship and it's important to me, and then actually made me a part of household decisions. He's a good man, we do have fun together, I know he loves me and cares about me. But is that enough? Am I overreacting to wanting him to remove HER from off the fridge and just be present to "our" life? He knows how much those things bother me and yet hasn't done anything about it..doesn't that show that he's not fully committed to me or to us? I just want to be happy but every time I go see him.. I'm reminded of HER right in my face and how much he loved her and still does.. even though I've been here 4 years! Am I wrong? Am I being too selfish and unreasonable? I don't know anymore.
In the end as advice man suggested, the best thing may be to go for couple counseling. It doesnt have to be officially marriage counseling but what it takes to relate to people in all relationships is just as important in a bf/gf or marriage. Also he may benefit from grief counseling because most people all react the same ways in the grief process and some get stuck at one point and never move on through the whole process. I will say that having her name still on all bills, someone who is no longer alive is really a matter of updating records with all companies involved. If his phone or address changed, or he got a new bank acct for those who have his bank card info on file for automatic pay, he'd have to alert companies of the new info. Just that one thing makes me feel prone to believe that enough though he doesn't see it this way, he probably did get stuck in the grieving process and her dying of cancer may have contributed by way of guilt feelings to compound it all.
As to the poem, I do not know if you meant that his writing 'I love you" made you feel discredited or whether it was things he made in comparison in the poem about her vs you. If the latter, then yes, there is a problem. If he said I love you, like you were told, it really all depends on the situation. Is he the type of person who builds friendships and relationships with people easily where he views them as the same as blood family and treats them as such and also emotionally allows himself to love them, each in their own way? My 2nd husband is like that. He his an ex wife. His daughter moved with him choosing to not finish her teen years living with mom. that should say something about Moms personality and how her relationships were with daughter and husband. She lives out of state, was an orphan and has no family other than his parents, him and the daughter. He will always love her as family, as a person but at the same time, I wasn't a replacement for her, I was a great improvement, a step up in relationships for him. I have nothing to be jealous of. If she needs emotional support and calls cus she really has no one else, I leave him to take the call right then, dropping plans and she easily takes changes and disappoints much harder and falls apart and gets depressed and needs to hear some calming advice from a person who knows her well. She truly doesnt want him back and says so. She knows he drives her nuts because their personalities differed in too many areas and yet theres nothing wrong for us, we get along like two peas in a pod, I couldn't imagine a husband any better than him. So it really depends if he is that way about saying I love you to people in his life now and from his past. Heck i even know and am friends with some of his old girlfriends who are married too whom he will s till tease and say I love you but right after he'll explain that he loves them as a friend but that he loves me as his current wife and doesn't enough in his actions and words to prove it. If this boyfriend as an adult is not giving you the affirmations you need to hear, then you might let him know its one of the ways you need to have his love for you confirmed. We can't erase our past, it is what it is. Expecting a person to remove every little thing in their life that is a reminder of their past could be unreasonable. It depends on the circumstances. So again, if her photo is the only one on the fridge, he may be still living in the past and trying to keep her alive in ways that help him cope which means he's not over grieving and he's not ready for a new relationship. If he has dozens of photos and other things stuck to the fridge, kids pics, a shot from an office party, a christmas family pic sent by his best friend, etc...then having his ex wifes photo on the fridge is not out of line. If he has no photos of you anywhere in the house displayed but only hers, again, he's got some issues he needs healing with to get past. So whatever the multiple issues you brought up dear, it all depends on the details of the situation, the context in which these things occur that will determine if there really is a problem or not. And thats why seeing a professional short term until this is figured out and resolved is important. You are not too selfish or unreasonable as far as i can see. After four years with him, you should be able to feel really secure with your position as his girlfriend. I am 6 yrs now with new husband and I am secure in my position but its not because I worried over his actions or pics he still has of her and daughter from his past on our computer. That is all part of ones memories and past, good or bad. Even tho I had an abusive husband, there were moment early on where there are pics of good happy moments and I won't toss all the photos just because he's in them and I need to move on. I moved on in my mind and heart. I wouldn't ever want to have to deal with the ex again. I don't feel like a wife or even an ex wife, I care about my ex more as one would care like Jesus does for another human being, wishing them well and sometimes their own bad choices or disease steps in to make for a miserable life when you have moved on. So it may only be that if he truly loves you, what he's doing is not showing he loves you in a way that you can easily interpret. And here I would ask you to check out a link of the 5 basic love languages that we each have one that mainly makes us feel loved. THE problem is when we choose to epress our love to others in exactly the same way we want to have it expressed to us that we run into issues with the other not feeling loved and really cared for. So look it up, the five love languages, or heres a link, see if it helps, and discuss it with and show to him. Hopefully thats all thats needed. If its more serious, a counselor will be needed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Five_Love_Languages
http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm
///So one of my best friends 16th birthday party is this Saturday and I always have trouble deciding what to get her. She has EVERYTHING! Please do not suggest gift cards.///
Some facts about her:
- Birth month: August
- Favorite Color: Pale Yellow
- Likes Reading
- Likes Photography
- Kind of a girly girl
Hope someone can help me! Thanks in advance!
Maybe the best gift is not going to be a store bought gift but something you do for her that touches her heart.
SO how about organizing a surprise birthday party for her. You'll need to check with mom if its okay for hold at your home as you'll need her aid in doing this, or talk to your friends mom in secret and mention you'd like to organize a surprise birthday party for her and see if her mom will help. I've done this one with friends to cooperate. took my new husband out to dinner while a sister and all our friends arrived bringing potluck items and gifts. When we got home, they all jumped out of our bedroom yelling surprise. He got to see some school friends he hadnt seen in quite a while. So see if her mom will allow all your mutual friends, or any who she knows but you don't, to show up after you take her somewhere like a matinee movie early on a weekend. When you return to her or your house, the friends have put up streamers and balloons.
So using her favorites, how about ordering a cake with pale yellow frosting and maybe a photo transfered to the cake. Have everyone instruct to come with some money to put towards ordering pizza if thats what you'd like. You provide pop and icecream and cake. Maybe a friend would be willing to bring some of those things. A gift might be a collection of small girly type things at 5 to 10 dollars at most. Each puts their gift into a container of some sort, like a good size make up bag, a new purse gift for her from you, a basket, if she's into wearing hats, a hat she'd wear that's upside down used as the container and the small gifts don't even need to be wrapped, just have stickers available to put on their little gifts to put their name so she knows which is from whom. Idea's might be a nice glittery nail polish, a nail art kit, a pretty hair clip, a flavorful lip gloss, a pair of frilly panties, necklace, earrings, makeup, hand and body lotion set, you get the picture I hope. the friends may not be able to afford big gifts either so this helps all. the surprise is what makes it special. Have paper available, all the same to be stapled together or put into a binder form. Each person gets to write what they appreciate about her and perhaps add in a photo of something that reminds them of her. I guarantee she'll treasure that gifts for decades after she's forgetton any store bought gifts she's received. Its the special efforts and planning and touches like this that make a gift stand out. My only mothers day that i remember what I was given by my daughters is the one when all 3 wrote poems for me about how they saw me as their mom and gave me breakfast in bed. I was so overwhelmed by it all, I cried. I still have those poems and their home made cards and they were all teens at the time they did this for me. Its still my favorite mothers day. So if you want something unforgettable for a person who pretty much has everything and doesnt really need anything, this will do it. Like I said, you'll need aid of your peers and both moms in pulling this off. But this would never happen if you didn't organize and plan it and That is your gift to her, making this happen. good luck.
g
I am a 30 year old female, I've been working at my new job for about a month now, it's been very awkward because ppl would barely talk to me, and pretty much treat me like the new girl... Some ppl kinda just started talking to me, and last night I made the worst mistake of my life... I was in an accident last night, where i turned to quickly and side swiped a vehicle who happened to be one of my new co workers, I was tired after working a double and I turned to quickly and it just so happened to be a co worker... I can't eat or sleep im so depressed... I feel horrible, her car just had a little scratches on it and mines had the damage.., but I feel bad, I have to return to work... After doing that and I just want to quit, but I have to pay bills... I feel the lowest ever... What should I do?
Hey we all make mistakes in life and sometimes it involves affecting someone we know such as people in the family, at work, at school. It doesnt have to even be a mistake in driving where there is an accident. YOu may be expecting some kind of bad reaction or payback from the person you hit but except for the few hotheads in life who react like that to EVERYTHING in their life all day long and 24/7, most people are mature about it and wont go off the wall on you. I know I was shook up for a while after the few times I created a fender bender when I was younger, a big worry was insurance rates going higher. I had one person tho trying to intimidate me due to my age, a teen and was giving me the 3rd degree and complaining that my license says I need corrective lenses and wasn't wearing glasses. I told him I wore contacts and if he wanted to look close enough, he'd see I had them on. Other than that, most people remain calm and get over the inconvenience quickly and are mature enough adults to not let it chance how they think about you as a person or in this case co-worker.
right now you have fears of how you will be received or thougt of or treated due to what happened. Our fears are usually always greater than the real life situation. We blow them out of proportion. So the best way to get past the embarrassment and your fears is to ADMIT to this co-worker how you feel. tell them what you told us. Basically it goes like this: Joanie, I am so embarassed over what happened that I can barely sleep because of it. I am so sorry that I hit your car. I know its no excuse but i was so tired after doing a double shift and someone was talking to me and distracted me on top of that from paying attention. I am so worried now about having possibly made a bad impression on you and others i work with when all I want most is to be accepted with friendliness as a coworker. I worry that this incident might break any chance I had of becoming friends at work. Again, I'm very sorry." Now she as an adult can either do the mature thing and forgive, and not let this accident chance how she sees you as a person or she can be a selfish idiot and try to chew you out. You will have done the adult thing to apologize but she will need to be mature enough to forgive too. There's a lesson to be learned by both parties. I have revealed how i feel when embarassed or worried. Humans are humans because we have emotions to deal with, no one escapes so we all have experienced the same things you are and know how it feels to be in your position. By late twenties and on older which I suspect its a good possibility applies to the coworkers of yours, a person knows how to control their emotions and not take things personally or jump to conclusions about another person. If this person is a teenager, they may due to their age not respond in an appropriate manner to you but you need to realize its an age thing, they are immature yet as far as the frontal lobe of the brain is concerned. that doesn't reach adult maturity for how we judge people and situations and our decision making until age 25 or so. And then a few people never grow up or have some slight mental issues and will never act correctly when interacting with people. I know its hard to do and face her and say something but if you want to kill those awful feelings you're dealing with now, this is the fastest most successful way I know how, by admitting how I feel and apologizing. Has worked every single time! mOST often the other person will say things immediately to reassure me, like, dont worry, I don't hate you, it's just scratches and can be covered up, or hey, I've done the same myself. I know how you feel but don't worry, it wont make me thing any differently about you. Most people will do that, its a natural instinct to want to try to put the other person at ease. I would also recommend your finding a book to read on gaining self confidence or how to deal with negative thinking because those 2 things are usually responsible for the emotional stresses we deal with in life. Blessings to you.
I'm enterting high school, and in my generation name brands are very important and somwheat declare your status with others. I need ideas or links on places to work so that i can earn enough money to buy sneakers and designer clothes.
that belief of yours that it will be so important to your peers to declare status by what you wear, is going to only make you miserable. I don't know how quickly things could have changed in 5 years but the last of my daughters was a graduating senior then. With her and all her sisters, I heard the same thing you are telling me, that everyone else wears Sketcher shoe brand for example. My financial budget could not support buying a name brand for my daugthers so I told them my limit which was half the cost of the name brand. i would pay that toward it if they could somehow earn enough to pay for the second half, that way they could have the shoe they wanted. They all changed their mind and decided to get two pairs, shoes and boots that I could afford to pay for on sale that came up to half the cost of the Sketchers. In the end, they all decided for more options to wear rather than a name brand. It wasn't until I volunteered in the school and also had all their friend over and got to know them that I learned that not a single one had parents that could buy them name brand stuff to wear. In fact, my kids told me all the kids had their own computer. they lucked out because over the years, Dad was self employed and the computer his business tool he could write off in taxes when the older ones became too outdated but still perfect for doing homework or emailing friends and watching videos. I found when asking all of their friends if they had their own computer they all said no, they only told others they had one cus they felt bad that they didn't. ANd it was my daughters who had computers to share among themselves,when their friends had none at all. My kids werent' truthful when they said their friends had one or perhaps never noticed while at friends homes that there was no computer in the home, or simply beleived what their friends said. I can say that for not having name brands to wear, they turnd out just fine. They had plenty of friends, maybe not friends with the handfuls of the richest kids who didn't know how to be a true friend but had many followers who were wanna-be's, wanting to be like them. Clothing doesn't make a person, its who your are inside. Most teens just want to be accepted and wanted and liked and have a low self image. If the kid can be self confident, that is what really attracts friends and acceptance among your peers. Those with the expensive clothes have a false sense of security in themselves, its baed on what they wear which can be taken away from their or financial status changes and they no longer get the popular stuff. those who know how to be confident, no matter what they wear, will have a self confidence that can't be lost if something happens outside themselves. When your age, I wasn't personally interested in the latest clothing trends anyways and I bought what I liked for myself with babysitting money I earned. So sure, I wasn't of interest to the most popular kids at that time. But by my first HS reunion, I found in going that status had really changed. I had become even more self confident and out going while many of those who in high school were so popular and would act snobbish towards me or have no interest, now were so willing to talk to me and I found many no longer had a good self image, It was their parents money that had given them status. Some were divorced or had failed relationships, some guys were going bald early and others lost their beauty or handsomeness appearance wise, in other body changes. It took me approaching them wanting to talk that made them grateful I wasn't ignoring them as I once was. They were all decent people who had learned something in life. While proper attire is required at Weddings or Black Tie events, in most areas of life, people tend to wear what pleases themselves and makes them happy, not others happy or accepting. If your parents will pay half or something toward the shoes or whatever outfit you want, then you only have to come up with part the cost if they agree. You'd have to ask if after what I said, you're still determined to have the popular current clothes. My kids got some of theirs from second hand or thrift and discount stores, not the most expensive store. No one will know if it came from an outlet s tore or from the high end expensive department store. So there's babysitting. I know that doing mowing or yard work is something a teen can get paid for, and many have a skill with art or some craft, and use the internet to sell their work. You'd need the parents to sign u up for a bank account of your own but their name must be on it too. A savings account will do and get a debit card to go with it instead of checks. then open a paypal acct where people can pay you for products and move money from paypal into your bank account. This works great for those not old enough to be hired at fast food places yet. Husbands daughter was earning good money like this at age 12 when she was creating clothing online for IMVU she played cus there wasnt nice enough clothes on there so she made her own and sold it and made good money, I think he told me it was around a couple hundred dollars each month and she was ordering she favorite style of goth style clothes out of a catalog with constant deliveries of clothes.