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Im getting really jealous
My bestfriend and I went to college and he took the easy way. The median of his salary when he graduates is around 40k while mine is 90k, I warned him about this and he told me that its ok. Now I was trying to observe both his and my experiences.
On his first month, he and his new friends went to mount rushmore for four days. Then their second year was even more of a blast, they went to paris.
Now I have many things to be jealous about, I know I'm not supposed to be feeling this way since I have a bright future ahead, since I never get grades any lesser than 98, but he just seems to have so much fun.
Here are the things im jealous about:
1.) How much fun he has on his studies
2.) How much friends he has
3.) He's my bestfriend, I should've been there the first time he rode a plane, but he has other friends with him.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Your friend does seem to be having a carefree time and doing lots of fun stuff right now. And you feel like you're slogging away, getting the grades but missing out on the high-life? It's that old wheel-of-furtune mate. We go from on top, to bottom with just half a turn. It evens itself out over time. Unexpected dramas and disasters, golden periods where you can't do a thing wrong and life feels great, periods that are neither particulalry good nor bad...just routine and boring. Try not to let envy consume you and mess up a friendship. It's his turn at the top right now. You'll have your turn. And maybe he'll feel the same pangs of envy looking at you then? Be good if we could somehow 'synchronise' that wheel so that we always shared the ups and downs together with a close friend/partner/relative wouldn't it? Sometimes it does indeed fall out that way. Your good fortune does not depend on his lack of it, and vice versa. I like the analogy of a carefree pigeon flying around and blithely crapping on the statues in the city. In our lives, some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue!
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First, to maybe help you to deep down deep and really ask yourself why you are jealous, its best to know that jealousy is nothing more than like an indicator light on the dashboard letting you know something is wrong. In humans, jealousy always is equal to a fear or feeling of loss/losing.
You feel you are losing out on all the fun.
You feel you are losing out by not having as many friends.
You feel the loss of his companionship, fear you are losing him as best friend to others.
If you Really wanted the path of playing around and having more fun rather than pouring yourself into a better degree, you would have taken the same path. You didnt for a reason, you are thinking about your future and the best way to have a comfortable living AND by able to take some wild fun trips/vacations. He just got his earlier, you'll get yours later and probably many more and fancier than he ever could.
As for more friends, since when has quantity of friends been a better thing to go for than quality friends. Quality friends will always be smaller in number, no more than a handful usually. So if you have a friend or two besides him and those two are really good friends, pay your full attention on them while with them and let them know how much you appreciate them instead of not being in the moment with them and worrying about not being with your male friend. And Adviceman explained #3 perfectly.
So the question might be, why are you going for this degree. Is it expected of you by family rather than something your heart is into? We do often lie to ourselves when we make choices that we didn't want to make thinking it'll help us deal with the choices better, convince ourselves that this is really the path we wanted to take.
You sound almost as if you weren't truly ready to be serious and apply yourself to a good education and obtaining a good job and wanted instead to play around first. Thats okay cus Some people choose to go biking around a foreign country or two, using hostels and enjoying a bit of seeing the world cus once a home owner, having a spouse and kids and its hard to get time off from job, the chances of doing so are much slimmer to none, especially if their income puts them at a just maintaining level financially with no spare money to afford trips and vacations. Once a young person has enjoyed some travel, there's no reason why they can't then buckle down and go for a real good degree and job. They just achieve theirs a little later by taking off a year or two for travel. I do agree that yes at times in life, those who are really working harder and applying themselves don't always find in fun, but thats part of the deal. You choose the pay now, play later option rather than play now and pay later.
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First about number 3 on your list: This is typical of high school friends. When high school friends go off to college they make new friends, friends with the same interests as theirs. You said it yourself. Your interest and his started to change when you both left for college. He is interested in just getting by taking easy course and it appears having a fun experience while in college.
You on the other hand are more grounded in the reality of what is the best course for you and your future family. You have chosen to take full advantage of what college has to offer you. Yes you will be giving up some of the social aspects of college, in the end though he will be the one who will be jealous.
Right now he is enjoying life while you work hard. When college is over you will be enjoying the perks of your sacrifice while he works harder just to get by. He will be the one jealous of what you have and what you are now getting from life as you will have the time and the money to do all things he did in college plus all those things he might never get to do unless he goes back to school to get the education he pissed away.
I'm not going to say you should not be jealous. Sure he is doing fun things while you’re back in school slaving away over your studies. What I am saying is put your jealousy in the right perspective which is what I pointed out to you. It will come full circle and he will be the one jealous of you. For you will ALWAYS be able to do what he can no longer afford to do.
High school friends are just that. Few if any high school friends remain friends for life. We start to lose these friends after high school as are lives go off in different directs. Some of us go off to college; some go into the military while some stay home and find a job.
There is an old saying you can never go home again. I could not afford college so I joined the military and went to college while in the Air Force. I never understood what was meant by the saying; "You can never go home again;" until I came home on my first leave. All my friends seemed to have changed. Looking back on it did they change or did I.
In actuality we all changed because we all matured differently as we were all seeing the world a bit differently. This my friend is what is happening to you today. Stay in touch with this friend if you can but use what free time you have to make new friends, friends that you have a common interest with. For when you go home things will look a lot different and he will be different as well.
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