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I feel degraded and I can't shake the feeling.
My brother and I got into a fight and he threw something at me, leaving a bruise on my upper thight right near my bikini line. I talked to my mom about it and she treated like a typical dumb fight between two siblings. I "provoked" him so it was a two-way street, but the problem is that I feel disgusting, like a victim of abuse. I've never been bruised from someone hurting me or hurt in my genital area. I feel degraded and I can't shake the feeling. How do I cope with this feeling?
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You feel like a victim of some sort of assault or abuse because really that's what you were. Rather like if somebody perhaps handles you roughly and steals a handbag, or a phone. Or a random person verbally or physically abuses you on a night out at a club or in town. It has an emotional/psychological effect just like you describe, even if the actual physical damage is negligable, and soon passed. As you say, you've never been hurt physically before. And most of us, for the vast majority of our lives are not physically hurt by another person, saving a pure accident (which has a different vibe entirely). Now, in some ways the fact that it was your brother won't make any difference to the 'victim' feelings. But in other ways it is different. Your mum doesn't seem to have been very sympathetic? Sharing out the blame, as it were? That's one of the tough parts or parenting. The last thing she'll want to do is drive a wedge between you, punishing him and favouring you. We don't want an ongoing brother-sister feud or vendetta arising from the incident. And in the rough and tumble of family life sibling arguments and spats are very common. You're maybe lucky in many ways that one hasn't thus far descended into a physical exchange, and/or hurling things at each other! So what might we do? A good old heart-to-heart with bro for a start, now we're in what we might call 'cold blood' about the incident. Let him know it's upset you deeply. You're shocked that he could resort to harming you in a fit of bad temper/annoyance. Pile a little bit of guilt on him, but if he starts showing a bit too much remorse and really feels bad about himself, give him a bit back and say you were both hot-blooded and maybe saying stuff you didn't mean. Compromise is a massive part of adult life and a valuable thing to learn. It would be good if you could persuade mum to have a little word. Pointing out that it's not acceptable to use violence as an argument with the fairer sex. It's very bad form and not a creditable or manly thing to do, however much he is provoked. Naturally, you don't expect a repeat performance. Shout and swear at each other if you must, but no violence aimed at sis. Funny old thing families. Sometimes you could cheerfully strangle them. Sometimes you get in blazing rows over, well...complete trivia when you look back on it when it's over! But when it comes down to it, you'll move heaven and earth to protect and look after each other. Maybe that's the key to coping? I bet if some other guy set about you he'd fight tooth and nail to defend you. And if a boyfriend upsets you, he'll want to punch his lights out!
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Ok, ive had this same issue before and maybe in my family it was handled differently but with ours if i provoked my older brother then i "Got what i deserved" but my mother also did tell him that he shouldnt be throwing things at people.
what you can do is let things cool down and then go back to your mom later and tell her that even though you may have accidentally provoked him that no one has the right to be throwing random objects at people and that it is still bothering you and that you'd like her to talk to him about it.
this could be a learned thing which basically means "he got it from somewhere" that it was ok to do things like that, and your mother needs to acknowledge that and UN-DO it pronto. Pretty soon he'll be throwing things at his girlfriends too and end up in jail if someone doesnt tell him to stop that nonsense.
that might scare your mom into saying something if not on your behalf then for his own sake in the future. other then that im not sure what to tell you.
My mother also through things at us as kids when she was angry. We had some domestic abuse issues so i may not be the best person to be helping you here but the least i can do is let your mom know that its still bothering you after a day or two.
good luck, and try to speak up for yourself to your brother and tell him yourself if you have to.
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