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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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Long story short, I just started dating somebody two weeks ago. He's 24 (I just turned 21) and he's in his last year of med school. He's applying for residencies all over the country and I know that it's quite possible he'll get a job in another state. I'm also currently in college for a related medical degree, but I just started. Tonight I went over to his house and we watched a movie in his room and I didn't think anything would happen, but we wound up kissing a lot and borderline making out (though not french kissing) several times while laying together. I decided to leave before things got any farther but he seemed disappointed and I know that means he's probably going to want more on later dates and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that if he's going to leave me behind when he moves.

I'm really afraid that I'm going to fall for him and then he's going to get a job in a hospital that he can't pass up and he's going to leave. I don't want to waste my time and get committed into a relationship if it's going to be doomed from the start, but I also don't want to ruin things by trying to push the issue so soon.

I'm not even really sure what he's looking for, I just know we get along really well and that I feel more comfortable with him than I have with any other guy I've dated in the past.


What should I do?

What do you want more at this point in life...to find your life partner or to finish med. school?
If you chose life partner, just because a guy is dating you and wants to kiss and have sex does not always translate into them looking for the love of make the commitment to you and settle down right now. Yes, I know two people can be married and going thru school at the same time but this is more about just wanting a social companion or wanting a wife right now. If the guy loves a lot of things about you, thats fine for just dating, but you need a guy who is inlove with you before you can think about making the kind of changes to remain together.
So he would have to have decided that he can't live without you (having sex with you isn't gonna necessarily change that) and want to talk about your mutual future together and how to work that out cus that isn't something to leave to talk about at the last minute and takes some serious changes.
Females tend to equate sex with falling in love, but for many guys its totally different, their bodies are made to react to a beautiful woman around them and its a biological response (not a heart response) to want to have sex. If two people are in love, then sex together is a natural outpouring of their love together and thats when the expression 'making love' fits. You are right that your heart may fall for him if you become sexual together. Even if you do, are you willing to enjoy him for now and face heart break later if he didn't feel the same and want you in his life in the future? You have to think several steps ahead and try to see down the road, possilbe outcomes, scenerio's and of course the consequences to your choices. Only then can you make any decision in full awareness and know you can live with the outcome or not.
Considering that you are only 2 weeks together, I highly doubt he's developed any deep interest in you yet if he ever will. What you might want to do is write down all the things that are most important to you right now and be sure to discuss those things early on with a guy you start dating.

Think on this, are you willing to wait 4 years of schooling before you seriously start looking for a relationship? You have fears of what might happen if you fall in love, but thats not necessarily going to happen. Don't fortune tell your future as you dont know if both o f you will fall in love or whether if you do, that you won't be able to compromise. Finding love has its risks but I beleive its worth taking the risk for.

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So, I am 11 years old and am getting really suspicious of my mom. 3 years ago she got these really weird love texts at midnight. I forgot about them all until a few weeks ago. She started sending herself love messages, she created a secret email account with the username Until 2020 Dear and she has been getting these really weird phone calls. I am not sure what to do but at least my dad knows. He doesn't know what is happening but I am not sure what to do. Should I dig deeper to get an answer or should I get help from a counselor. I don't want to tell anyone though because I am afraid it will get her in trouble with her job. What should I do?

First, a person's private life, happily married, cheating, gay, etc... is not the business of any employer and can get an employer in trouble with the law if they cause trouble or let a person go, so I am sure Moms job is safe. As long as she abides by their dress code, (ie no tats, no piercings, no mini skirts for example as a few common ones) then she should be fine there.

So from what you say, Mom received secret texts, phone calls and emails. How you know these are supposed to be a secret is beyond me unless you have been snooping already. Obviously, these are no longer a secret from you or Dad, so apparantly she is not trying hard to keep them a secret as she feels she is doing nothing wrong and may indeed be doing nothing wrong. To my knowledge, it has never been a crime to text, talk or email someone of the opposite sex if in a relationship or married and it isn't cheating. It only becomes an issue if a person pours all their time and life into some unknown outsider and neglects duties to family members, namely their mate and children. Otherwise, it is not cheating. If you are having personal isues with it, then perhaps you need to go talk to your counselor at school and let them know whats bugging you.

Think about this for a moment....there are many simulation games with an avatar you create where you can interact with on screen in much the same way as you would in real life. One most popular venue I am familiar with is called Second Life. One can experience all sorts of things there that might be dangerous in real life. I dont swim, but here I can, or go surfing for example. But theres also going to places to listen and dance to music with whomever you meet on screen. I have met many men who say they are married and make it a point that ladies know that. They are only a friend online, although some of the dances for example that a dance place animates your avi with are risque, sexy and the avi;s kiss and hold each other tight. My husband and I both play from time to time and have met interesting people but its only for fun and we dont consider it cheating although some people tend to forget its a game and get sucked into things emotionally like its for real. Texts and calls may come from someone she's met on line in some venue or another. I can't say why its not strictly in a game or on pc but calls too for her. She may just be craving more attention emotionally, not sexually. Getting the compliments from other guys. Or perhaps she has realized she is bi-sexual meaning she likes men and women and is committed to you and Dad but also has these yearnings. It isn't your business to dig into this and snoop and play private detective as it is her life to live as long as she is still there for you, no harm done. She may be waiting until you turn 18 before she goes ahead with experiencing a female or another male in full in real life. The 2020 thing has me thinking she is determined to be your mom and raise you and not bring any great change into the picture at this point.
Think on this, it doesnt take perfect love to create a baby. Two people can become parents due to their contribution of egg and sperm, but they may not be the best match for each other. When we marry young, we are not always quite aware of all the things that go into finding the right mate for ourselves. Some luck out and they are best friends but dont quite have the romantic love. I married young and ended up with a man who was verbally abusive the entire time I stayed with him. I left after my kids grew up. In cases like that, I would advise others to get out early cua it messed up my kids witnessing this. So you never know, this may apply to your parents, as great as things look. Its between them and their decision to work things out for the best for each of them. Some day when you are older, you will understand how important it is for each parent to be as truly happy in a relationship as they can be if they can't be with each other. And marriage counseling is for them to decide if issues become worse.

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It's my last year of high school and I regret one thing, I regret staying in my one group of friends (two people) and not branching out and befriending other people, I mean I've made many acquaintances but the relationship never becomes at least a friendship. Long story short the friends that I came into high school with aren't the friends I'm leaving high school with, one of the friends completely cut me off she was never really my friend I knew she was waiting for an opportunity to cut me out of her life and she finally did last year. The other friend is my friend but we only talk in school, last time we hung out in public was at her birthday last year. Now it's my last year and I feel like a total loser I have no social life, I'm always home and I barely have any friends. I know I should be greatful for the ones I have but how would you like it if you had friends and they always made you feel left out or the third wheel? It's like a cycle with me ever since elementary school I've always been that third friend to two best friends. Nobody has considered me they're best friend and if they have they have another friend who they'd call their sister, so it's like the "best friend" title is pointless. Like I've tried making different friends but like I said earlier the relationship never passes the acquaintance stage. Here's some background info on me I'm almost 17, female I am socially awkward and have socially anxiety people complain that I talk too quiet but I don't understand it's like when I'm around people I don't know too well I feel uncomfortable, my eyes feel like they're gonna cross and I start to stutter (I've never had a stutter before) also I don't have any guy friends, the ones that I do are from my elementary school so they don't really count. My school is basically a school where if you're attractive, people will approach you no matter what and everyone will know your name or want to be friends with you, if you're not attractive like me you're basically fighting to fit in, or at least get someone to talk to you. (but that's for another story) anyways please give me some tips on how to make friends and how to make my speech better because it wasn't this bad till I started high school, in elementary school boys made fun of me saying my voice was too deep (this was before they hit puberty) ever since then I stopped talking and now people complain that I'm monotone, soft-spoken and mumble. It's like I can never win

I am continueing on what avatarthird said about it not being socially healthy to sit and wait for someone to befriend you. Heres more on that. Did you know that of 4 basic personality types, the most social approachable people make up about 85-90% of the populace and the others are loners who want to be left alone. If the world is filled with so many friendly personality types, then why aren't tons of them approaching you? Because they have the same fear as you of being the first to start a conversation or talk to someone. I used to have lots of social anxieties among other things and found a way to recover from it. Now, I am the person who approaches others first and starts conversations first. If you are truly sick and tired of social anxieties and would do anything to get over it, let me know and I will give you a trick that helped me. But you have to be willing to take the actions, no matter how scary they may be.

Humans are basically the same in social setting, the majority at least. We tend to want to approach the person who smiles more, will look you in the eye and is self confident because it feels that they would be more fun to know than the one who withdraws like a turtle into their shell. Would you want to work that hard to try to convince someone just like you to be your friend? How would you get them to talk to you or even look at you? And with a low self esteem, are they likely to want to even do anything or try something new with you? If you can't see yourself if confident, going after someone like you, then it stands to reason that the real problem lie within you, not in others not being friendly or actions of leaving you out, teasing your voice.
I got teasing in school for wearing glasses, and variations of my last name. Its something all kids do. And it is something all of us experience to some extent at some point. As a kid, I just crumbled if someone seemed to make a negative comment and took it personally and felt bad about myself. Now as an adult, when someone makes such a comment, I can tell the difference, if someones is mean-hearted and serious or its just a tease and their way to show me attention or to get my attention. What you are assuming is that students only approach those who are attractive. SO lets say theres 200 students in your school and you are the only one of 200 that no one approaches because you are ugly. I understand young people can be influenced by the media's views of what beauty is and if you look from the time of renaissance painters to today, you will see that an artists or media's perception of what beauty is has changed over the years. Beauty used to be 'big boned' it also used to be skinny as a bean pole, and also used to be women with rounded pouchy tummys and small breasts. So if it keeps changing, is there really one standard of beauty to seek after? Actually no...it is just an illusion in peoples minds. Everyone can have personal taste and tend to be attracted to certain looks, but as has been already mentioned, a friend based on just liking your looks is not a true friend who really cares about who you are on the inside. Now back to the school populace. Are you willing to tell me that the other 199 students in school are all good looking, handsome, beautiful and that you are the only one who isn't? How true is that? I am a petite skinny woman and i have seen men at a party go after the bigger boned, heavy set woman and pass me by. Does that mean I am not pretty? No...I am just not his personal taste. We have our favorites in colors, food, music and attributes in people just to name a few things and we don't have to like a certain food just cus most people like it. I don't like meat, thats my personal taste and choice. If you start to really look at and watchd the other students, you will find others who may not have model looks either. Are every single one of them without friends and thought of as ugly?
I am betting there are many much plainer to average looking kids at least to your perspective, who are popular and have many friends in their own social group.
Heres an exercise, you did mention a couple friends. Ask them why they are friends with you, what they like about you. Do they think that others in school are not your friend because of your voice, or because you look too plain, or cus you now stutter, etc. The reason you stutter is because you are so self conscious about your voice. You want tips on how to make friends? Well, to make a new friend, you have to be a friend. Are you friendly? Are you always smiling and complimenting others, do you go about your day, always happy and self confident and eager to listen to others and have fun conversations with them, willing to try some of their hobbies and share some of yours with them? Those are a few ideas, and there are more. You are plagued by self doubts and misconceptions about yourself, false beleifs and these will all hold you stuck, so you are unable to make new friends. these are the shackles that hold you chained up somewhere in your mind. So until you face those things that are holding you back and realize how false they are and replace negative thoughts with positive ones about yourself, you wont be ready to make friends and your anxieties will continue. So if you really want friends, I suggest first going to your local library and seeing if they can get in the book called "When Panic Attacks" by David D. Burns as it covers all the types of beliefs that keep us stuck in anxiety patterns with low self esteem. Hon, its not based on your looks or the sound of your voice. Yes, kids can be cruel and immature, but eventually they grow up and regret having been so immature or hurtful. But it is your choice to believe them or not. The acceptance of what you hear or the spin on it that your mind creates is what causes trouble, not the acts themselves. I'd like to talk to you more but I really think the book will help you begin to see that you;ve been your own worst enemy...i should know, cus I've been there before.
So get the book, or better yet, buy it, ordering it from any bookstore so you can write in the charts doing the exercises. If you feel the book is too overwhelming, you need to consider seeing a psychologist who is trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy and can help you work thru it so you are healed. ANd it need not take months or years of seeing someone. I was healed in a month by one of these methods long before I ran into the book. Most poeple once they realize it was their thoughts and perceptions that held them in bondage, they become instantly free. Good luck.

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My friend and I just fought over something that happened weeks ago. Apparently she never let it go and felt she had to bring it up again. She won't leave me alone and keeps texting me about it and I'm getting sick of it. What should I do?

Wondering what your ages are. Sorry if you are collage age or older, but what you are talking about sounds like the kinds of issues that plague young hormonal teens going through puberty. If this age bracket applies, then she is most likely angry and irritable more due to her hormones and not over the actual nature of the fight, not when it was weeks ago. If you aren't aware of this, long before a period starts, but hormones begin being release in the female body, the hormones change the body, true...but they also affect the emotions so that it is normal for all teen girls to go through some version of the emotions being affected. Some become weepy and easily sad over things that shouldnt warrant such a reaction, crying for no reason (that was me at that age) and others more commonly become easily irritated or angry and want to fight over things that arent worth fighting over, or irritated for no good reason at all. That was my 3 daughters and they fought each other. I had to remind them that at their age, it was their hormones causing them to be this way, that they are not bad people but they Will need to exercise a bit more self control and try to get over things. Its as simple as that. You might let her know about this and that you understand she's still angry but most people would have gotten over it by now and the fact she hasn't might mean it due to her hormones affecting her emotions. tell her to talk to her mom if she doesn't believe you, or better yet, tell her to write to me and she can title it, weeks after and still upset with friend or something like that. Another thing to be aware of is that females with their emotions run amok, tend to take it out on the females closest to them in life, like Mom, sisters and best friends. So dont take things personally, but switch from the texting to a phone call in which you explain what I said and let her know you still care about her and consider the fight to be over and done with and do not care to revisit it as it serves no purpose that will help your friendship move on. Let her know that if she texts you about that fight, you will ignore her text. (dont just ignore without warning her as its not fair) If she texts you about any other subject, you will answer as you still value her friendship. And thats it. If she begin to harrass you in person where you can't avoid it, you tell her to deal with it, or you will talk to her mom about it. Her mother needs to know if she has trouble lettiing it go as she may be one of teen girls whose hormones are over high and if so, theres no way she can control her emotions but just sheer willpower. SHe will need meds during her teen years to bring her hormones down to normal levels again where she can be her old self again. If it gets to this point and she claims she'll hate you if you talk to her mom and shes not willing to talk to a school counselor or me or reach out to anyone for help, then as her friend, if you really care, you will do it. Once she
is on meds if that was the problem, she will be her happy self again and not experience such wide mood swings unless it is something else like a mental disorder which seeing a Dr. may help reveal.

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Hey, so I'm an MMA fighter, been training for four months. I am recently grading for my black belt, which would be this Saturday. Before I do, my parents want me to show them my forms that is needed to get my black belt. The problem is I don't feel comfortable doing it JUST for them. It's nothing against them, it's just that I don't like when my parents judge me. They say they won't pay until I show them, but it's really out of my comfort level. What do I do? Thanks

Could it be that you fear performing for them as they have been judgemental in many different situations before? Or is it only a fear that they might do so? I remember when i was a kid that I had many anxieties for no reason related to anything my parents ever did to me. I just had a very bad, negative thoughts and beliefs with no basis in actual experiences. There are many types of anxieties and a person can have several as I had. The one this reminds me of is 'performance anxiety' and a fear of not being able to measure up to what I imagined others would expect of me. I am not there, I dont know you or your parents so I cannot say if this is the issue or not but if it is, then you can't consider the parents annoying. As a parent I feel it was reasonable to want to know before paying for anything if a kid was going to stick with something or not.

What you write here sounds like you need to perform in class to be accepted for that level. It also sounds like you have to pay for the black belt class before even qualifying to be in it. What exactly would they be paying for ahead of time? Are they willing to go Saturday to watch you try out? If they're busy and can't, I can understand them wanting to not miss it and see this as an alternative. But if you fail, I dont see what they would be paying for in the first place. Sorry for being confused on the payment part of your story. Unless your parents are black belt instructors in their past and therefore are a good judge of whether you are ready, I dont see how you would needd to pass inspection with them first before they will pay your instructor to watch you try out on Saturday, unless tryouts are not free??? Please clarify.

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So I have a bf for almost a month I'm really happy and I love him so much but my ex keep on making me confused like every 2 days my ex keep on tweet about me on twitter and then I think about me and my ex the whole day I just don't know if I love my ex or my bf answer me please

If the ex broke up with you, perhaps he has changed his mind but its too late, your'e with someone else. Right now its only comments about you that you see online. He's free to write what he wants. However if he calls you, you politely tell him you understand he;s changed his mind but its too late, you're with someone new and love them.
If you broke up with him and he thinks he has a change of winning you back, maybe you need to go over the reasons of the breakup. with relationships, no matter how old the person, the goal is that you leave a relationship if something about the other person weakens you, perhaps something they want but thats not you and changing who you are to be right for someone never works (i've been there, done that) or something of how they treat you goes against your principles, or is unhealthy for you, mentally, emotionally or physically. So once it is determined what you left a relationship for, the next relationship you get into should be a step better, an improvement, not the same status quo or worse....settling for less.
Only you can know if this is the case. You didnt provide enough info so I am just guessing here.

If you are committed to the new boyfriend and don't want to go back to the old one, then stop reading twitter for a while if thats what is taking away your peace of mind.

You also need to know that each person has two minds in operation at all times, Your conscious and subconscious mind. The subconscious one is where all your emotions are attached to. And the subconscious mind will react with emotions and it takes a while to get over someone, even if they werent right for you or dumped you. The subconscious doesnt see logic and reasoning, only your conscious mind so often it takes the sub mind a while to catch up to the decisions your conscious mind has made. This is a case where you can't make a decision to go back to him and dump the new boyfriend all because of feelings you still have, as it will take some time for those feelings to finally fade and lessen with time. It could be months, it could be a year or two...it all depends on the individual. The new BF deserves to have you living in the moment and being really there with him, not focused on your past. If you feel you have made a grave error and do not really love the new bf and want to ask for the other back, be honest and to the point. When it comes to love, its unfair to a person for them to believe you love only them when in fact you feell you are in love with both or even more people, or neither, or the other. They deserve to be let go and be free to really find someone to love if it can't be you. Sure it hurts. But love and relationships do hurt. None of us go through life without being hurt in relationships at some point.

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can someone rebirth into an older person like i dont know how to explain it right, or do they have to be reincarnated into an infant first? plz dont think im stupid, im just wondering

I have heard of a theory...I call it such as there's really no way to prove it, that there is such a thing called "Walk-ins". It was in a book I read years ago and don't remember name of. Supposedly, on occasion there may be a soul where the body they're in reaches adulthood and they just feel like they are not supposed to be here, they have changed their mind and basically do not want to live out the current life anymore but also do not want to commit suicide, the only way we do know that a soul can leave the current life. This theory states that the soul that wants to vacate their body and leave this life actually trade places with another soul who is willing to step in to resume life where they left off.
All I remember of examples was a story of a woman who though she had a great life, wonderful husband and kids and good job, just gave up the will to live and apparently wasn't depressed either, just didnt want to be here anymore. The lack of will to live landed her in a hospital where Doctors tried to save her but it looked like they would fail. She died at one point and they revived her but when revived, instead of her soul going back into her body, another soul stepped in, a walk in willing to take it over so she didn't have to. This is what they supposed happended because the woman now had a will to live and went back to her home but she had a totally different personality, differenet likes, and acted like a totally different person to husband, kids, all her friends, everyone agreed it was as if it really wasnt her, just looked like her. She exelled better in everything she did, relationships, job, the home. But like i said, it isn't something anyone can really prove.

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Hi there I tried to seek for help from Psychologist but something or the other happend n I never told anyone about it..cause its about my mother n I love her.but in recent days I am being unable to tolerate her. In her past life since her childhood she had gone through mental torture n suppression. Everyone has dominated her as she was very submissive n polite. Literally she was tortured because of her soft heart. Even after her marriage, whichwas an arranged one, she was tortured by her brother n sister in laws...even my Dad is not at all a family oriented guy..he has cheated on my mom n she has forgiven him several times n stayed with him. But suddenly in last few years she has changed a lot. Am not saying that she has become cruel or anything but she loses temper so easily n fight with everyone though her reasons are solid n logical but those situations can be handled maturedly but all she does is quarrel..dad promised her to let her pursue with her career after marriage but he never helped n stopped her work with tactics..n now he is performing concert n all simultaneously being appointed as deputy magistrate but mom is engaged with household works only..she gets no recognition n gratefulness from dad still she expects from him n keep herself busy in household works inhumanely n even helps any random person who comes by her n asks for help..she goes to extreme extent neglecting her health n peace n help them out...but all these things causing her short tempered n suffering from lack of innerpeace for that she reversibly makes us suffer too with her complaints n tantrums.. I tried to make her understand so many times just to avoid negativity n have peace in mind but she is jyst going impossible..i know she fights for truth n logically but sometimes you need to be silent to avoid negativity..this nature of her making her lonely..n yup she is my mom, if anyone says anything wrong about her I also engage myself in speechbattle with them...that's why I have no connection with my relatives n cousins as well...i am so helpless..i got manipulated by her n fight with people..i know she has suffered a lot but the changed personality of her making me go crazy m impatient too...i am lacking innerpeace...turmoil going inside me on..perhaps she neef some psychological assistance..n then I think about all of them who are responsible to happen this to her..they are insane too then why my mom has to have psychological assistance alone???n if she was wrong I can draw the conclusion that she has lost sanity but she is always right n logical..but her approach to the matter is wrong..n she refuses to change her behaviour..even my break up with my boyfriend happened just because of the two moms...his n mine, both manipulated us to fight just to stick to their own opinion..yeah its true if we have loved each other enough, we would never let this happen but unfortunately he never believed me n doubted me unnecessarily...anyways am so devastated inside...please help...n am so lonely inside cause no one is there with whom I can share...impossible relatives friends n mom's going impossible too... :(

Don't know if you are in the U.S. or another country. I think due to the mention of arranged marriage that you're likely in another country where women are not generally treated as well. Thats one issue. The other is, you can not fix your mothers issues, only your own. Medicine isn't the only or best way to cope with the type of problems she has faced and neither it is for you.
I know in the U.S. that the association of psychologists of America is for the most part still operating under beliefs that there is no way to test for. Example: saying that only drugs will help as its a chemical imbalance or deficiancy. But there is no way to measure for that, and there never will be. Its take aspirin and the headache goes away that you must have had an aspirin deficiancy in your brain. Thats the basis for med. therapy. I don't know whats available in treatment in other countries but in the US, something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is gaining popularity and I know it works cus I stumbled across it as a teen to help me with my distorted thoughts that caused anxieties as a kid and teen, which some called shyness back then. CBT helps a person understand how they have distorted thoughts and beliefs that cause them to remain stuck in life under mainly anxieties and depression. I know this works and that in tests where people were asked to read books on CBT while they waited 4 weeks to get in to see a Psychologist, 2/3's of them no longer needed to see the Dr. after reading the book. However it is hard for people who've remained stuck for so long to start to feel good about themselves finally and these books work best in cojunction with visits to a Dr. who supports that type of therapy.
I had a bad 1st marriage, was abused verbally 30 yrs before I finally left him. I didn't have have perhaps the life you or your mom did, but enough of that kind of stress to know what its like and that it truly was due to my having untrue thoughts and fears and beliefs that held me stuck with the ex until I finally realized the truth. Once I was healthy mentally and could really look at my situation, I knew that no one had forced me to stay with him, only my fears of how to survive financially and my pride. When I let my pride down and began to tell anyone and everyone I knew of my situation, some friends out of state and said I could come live with them if I left the ex and I could get back on my feet, find work. It was my chance to get away and I took it. But I would not have left if not for some great corrections in how I thought and perceived my situation. Your mothers change in behavior is due to the stress of her life. Stress has to go somewhere. So it affects you physically, mentally or emotionally. For me, it was plagued with headaches, migraines, all over body rashes, and stomach ulcers, high blood pressure. For others, they either snap mentally and develop mental disorders or emotionally they have outbreaks or change personality due to the stress. It can only get worse and stress can shorten a persons life.

I know this all sounds bleak, but each person needs to care enough about themselves to do whatever it takes to get out of bad situations and not subject themselves any longer to anything that tears them down and abuses them.

So all I can say it that as much as you love Mom, seek help for yourself first that really works and if Mom can see the change in you and you offer her a way out too, then perhaps she'll take it but arguing and fighting with others does nothing to change the situation for the better. So instead of continuing on this path that is not making things improve, you need to check out others. All I have to offer for you to check out if this website and the books this Psychologist has to offer and perhaps writing and asking if they know of Psychologists who offer CBT in your area, or country or at least some clues as to where to turn.
http://feelinggood.com/

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Hi, I have a project due tomorrow and something I have to write about is Madonna's music style, I really don't know what it is and whenever I search it up it comes up as the genre of her music, not the style.

Heres a link to a bio on Madonna where it labels her the Queen of Pop.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000187/bio?ref_=nm_ov_bio_sm

However she is also listed as falling under the genre of Rock and there are many many genres of rock which some sites on the net will say she's done a lot of. The main thing is she doesnt try to fit in one very limited style but reinvents her style of music and her look, etc for each album. Just keep searching and reading anything on Madonna. If you put in just her name, you'll get lots of hits and have plenty to read to base your report on. But you have to do the work and do the reading to discover what different style of rock she has done....Pop-rock is just one of them.

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I complained about this since grade 10, I'm in grade 12 now and I haven't felt this lonely before. I'm almost 17 and I've never had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss and boys rarely hug me too. It's like I repel boys or something all my friends through my high school career have had at least one boyfriend and I can't even get a guy to say hi to me. My little sister who's in grade 10 attracts more boys than me she told me a boy offered to walk her to class but she declined and another boy was playing with her hair and another boy was mad that he didn't get to sit beside her. Also my dad is putting pressure on me saying for prom he wants me with a date otherwise it'll look like I'm a lesbian to his friends. I keep on telling him that none of the boys like me and it's true because I'd always hear boys call me "burst" or "beat" which is slang for ugly. My friends that are obsessed with makeup always beg me to wear makeup too and my mom begs me to wear powder even though I have clear skin. Also I'm average weight I weigh 130 and a little curvy so I'm not overweight either. Here's more background on me I'm socially awkward and whenever I'd have a crush on a guy i would avoid them completely. Some boys used to say they thought I hated them because I gave them a dirty look but I just have chronic bitch face syndrome (Which is what Kanye west has, meaning he never smiles) some boys even thought I was awkward around them when I'm just an awkward person. What could be the problem with me? Even the kids who don't talk to anyone ended up in a relationship like what the heck? The older I get the more embarrassing it is for me to admit that I've never even kissed anyone before. Also do you have any suggestions where I could meet guys my age because the ones at my school are douchebags :) thank you if you read all of this

Haha, good for you, you see that the guys your age at school for the most part are all immature, have no idea how to treat people nicely, and too easily influenced by media and what that version of a pretty sexy female is like. Guys actually these days also worry if they look good enough to attract a girl. So doucebag pretty much fits for the time being. So many guys grow up to realize they were looking for the wrong girls all the time. They went for attraction sexually to what their eyes saw as sexy and in the teens, thats foremost on their minds, not being a best friend and also loving the girl and commiting to being in a relationship with her.
The issues I just mentioned for teen boy issues where they are so misguided seems to apply to your parents too. From what you have said, they have not learned to think for themselves, have biases or are bigoted, have lots of fears and anxieties, are immature, and believe everything that media tells them. I am sorry that your parents are so unaware of how limited they are in their knowledge and perceptions so their attempts to 'help' you are only going to make things worse.

The opinions of family and your peers are going to keep you feeling stuck and unhappy if you choose to believe them. They are all wrong.
They are also part of your problem because I can see what your actual problem is, and its not what they or you think.
I am glad you mentioned 'socially awkward' because from grade school up til my last year of HS, I suffered from lots of anxieties, pretty major. I never had a boyfriend but I had a small circle of 'true' girlfriends. I didn't worry about not having a guy yet or never being kissed because frankly the guys in school never appealed to me, too immature and fickle for me. I told my 3 daughters to watch the girls who had guys constantly after them and always dating another and breaking up and repeating the process. I asked them to watch what happened...the depression, loss of focus on their work and grades dropping. They reported back I was right. I said, do you think you're missing anything then considering what its doing to them? Boys thru HS are not mature and not worth the time for the most part. Make friends with guys but dont date. If you do meet one guy who is a real jewell of a guy, and its slightly possible, I wont say no. Just bring him by the house as you would a girlfriend...continue to be his friend and by late HS or after you graduate, you're a bit more mature and only then is it best to consider getting into a relationship. If you decide you've met someone and neither can resist having sex, tell me and I'll get you on the pill.
Not a one of the 3 ever dated during school or had sex or were kissed by a guy. They all waited until after completing highschool.
So the reality is, you are not behind or deficiant or lacking in some way.

However, you already know the answer to what is likely the problem, you brought it up. your words "whenever I'd have a crush on a guy i would avoid them completely. Some boys used to say they thought I hated them because I gave them a dirty look but I just have chronic bitch face syndrome"
You may not think this could actually be the only issue. It has very little to do with lack of a model look, and a lot to do with self confidence.

I understand your normal relaxed face having a look that is not 'inviting' to another. Mine is a very serious almost frowning look, I think I inherited from my mom cus she looked that way. Once people really get to know the real you, the face is no longer a problem. It was my last year of HS that I decided to do something about my social anxieties. The fastest way to get over them according to some psychologists is called 'flooding' or as I called it back then, facing my fears. Yes, there are actually fears that hold you back and held me back. Usually we dont bother to investigate what those fears really are or dont realize they are there, but the fears only help to defeat yourself, not move on. So facing them is the best way. The avoiding guys thing is likely why no guy wants to get to know you. Along with that is a lack of a smile, a lack of eye contact, and a lack of going over and just trying to make friendly conversation. The only girlfriends I had in school were those who came and spoke to me first, otherwise, I was too intimidated to approach others.
Think about it, are you very interested in talking to someone who doesnt smile? It needs to be intentional as its not your relaxed face. You are going to do this for yourself, not for those idiotic reasons your Dad gave you of being embarrassed about you. Any future issues with things Dad or Mom say that bother you, write me first...I'd like to help.
Anyways, a smile tells a person that you are friendly and approachable. This is where I got stuck, for I was afraid of drawing attention to myself, not knowing how to start conversations with a person I didn't know. So I faced my fears in steps, actually an answer I got from God when I prayed. Funny that what I heard from God matches what I now have read in books by a favorite psychologist...and its because it works.
So if you aren't ready to launch into convo's quite yet, start with smiling and saying Hi to people, maybe greeting by name. You may get puzzled looks and no response at first as naturally another teen will wonder why all of a sudden you are talking. If they do not respond and it feels awkward, don't worry, about 90% of people have genuinely friendly acceptive personalities and only a very few dont want to make friends, not just a teen thing but with adults too. So you could face your fear of no response from them by saying something. If you do not at this stage, you risk forming a negative thought about it that you cant prove is true but you may think "they don't like me", they think I'm ugly" and these thoughts only reinforce remaining social awkward and feeling unliked and bad about yourself. So I learned early on to actually admit right then if I was scared or what my issue is, like doing a book report and so scared that I stutter or mess up right at the begiinning. I would then say, "Boy this is scary, maybe cus you're all so scary looking. Just kidding. I actually don't like doing this. Can you tell? At Least I got my mistake out here in the beginning so hopefully I can do the rest of my report without messing up." Some will laugh and its because they can relate, they feel the same way and that is good when others know you're just as human as they are.
So how would you do this with a guy you approach and say hi to, especially if he only says hi and nothing else? Admit how awkward it is for you. The funny thing is, most people will not think less of you for it but consider you brave to admit it and thats one good reason to begin to like you. If you come across an immature teen who taunts you right back, its not you, they have a problem. Just walk away and dont approach them again. An idea of what to say? "Hey, I know I've known your name for years and been in classes with you and never talked to you. I am forcing myself to reach out and talk to others cus I've had this social anxiety and I am tiredd of it. So I am hoping to make some more friends." And there is it, all out there, making you now feel vulnerable right? Well, actually...no. You only feel this shaky anxiety up until the time you actually finish saying those words or until you've have a successful convo with the person. Then your anxiety will never come back. Youre over it. I forced myself to approach and talk to people I hadn't seen before such as asking the lady picking out melons at grocery what she was doing by tapping the watermelon. I after she explained I asked if she could give me a trick for picking out good cantalopes also and thanked her. It wasn't scary and she was friendly and the conversation was based on where we found ourselves or some object that I could use to start a conversation with. Paying a person a compliment is a good way to start. Like commenting on a new hair style, earrings or whatever, as long as you aren't making anything up for a reason to talk, let it be genuine interest in the item. Heres another example: I saw you got an A on the test. Is it an easy subject for you or did you have to study hard? Dont ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no cus then the convo ends if you cant have something they mentioned to launch your next statement or comment. No matter what a person answers, you can always find something to remark on. If you need more help in this area, let me know and I'll give you more examples until you will more certain of your ability here.

I read about a test done on men to see how they would respond when meeting women. What was the key factor that made them choose one woman over the other. It was staged of course but the men knew it was to be an observation to help psychologists with dating and attraction based issues. The results were amazing. When presented with average looking females with a great self confidence over the bombshell beauties who were ditzy, drama queens, or insecure, the men always chose the females with self confidence. When asked why, the men said they found those women to be sexier than the others. Imagine that. I can vouch that it is true. A divorce after 30 yrs of marriage had me single and out looking for a male partner. I had learned alot by then. So I had lots of self confidence, and honey, I am no model, I was close to 50 had some grey hairs, didn't wear makeup or high heels, just your average girl, and yet just what I wrote and my few photos had guys writing me by the hundreds over a 2 yr period. A guess would be close to 400 and I did screen and meet with only the few dozen who seemed promising and even a smaller amt that I actually went of a few dates with before I discovered something I would not tolerate that they kept hidden at first. I found a wonderful 2nd husband...together 6+ years now.

Another pointer for you is to keep in mind that the most successful relationships are the ones where the two are not just sexually compatible but the best of friends also. So it is a very good idea to start first with friendship and shortly into the friendship if either feels a romantic interest growing in the other, keep in mind no one is a mind reader, so tell them as in "I am beginning to have romantic feelings towards you." Its obvious that you like a person if you continue to meet with them as a friend. But its important to acknowledge when those feelings develop, always shared as "I am begining to feel..." rather than "I am in love with you" which if the other doesnt feel the same or isnt there yet, makes them feel awkward and trapped as to how to respond and a person may lie as to not hurt your feelings. Some people just don't have the chemistry for being together and two girls could have the same looks, same personality and everything and the only thing different is their pheremones. And the guy will be attracted to one, not the other. Keep this in mind in case a guy is not interested in you.
Make some friends this year of the males in school. In case none end up wanting to date you but are friends and dont have a prom date, it is just as fine to go to prom with a friend as with a boyfriend. All my daughters went to prom without a male date, no one asked and all their girlfriends had no dates either and only one of them struggled with her weight so it wasnt that they all werent average to pretty looking. They went to prom together as a group.
If I can help in any other way, let me know. Best of luck to you dear.

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Ok I'm sort of the emo of the school along with a few other kids. I got labeled, I never called myself femo, I just dressed and acted the way I like. So now there is this annoying group of girls trying to get with us. If you look at their Instagrams they keep posting depressing pictures where they insult themselves and write "I'm emo." "I have myself because I'm emo." One girl thinks she's soooo emo because she listens to 5 seconds of summer. She also keeps asking me band names, and says she likes BVB (my favorite band) and apparently has been listening to them "since they formed in the 90's" I mean 1. None of us were BORN in the 90's 2. They released We Stich These Wounds in 2010. I told her that and she said,"oh well I know them." I asked her to name a member other than Andy Beirsack and she said,"well I only care about Andy." The others are doing it for attention. This one girl is actually genuine but she is rreeeaaaalllyyy egotistical with a "more emo than you" meanwhile she doesn't even actually listen to the bands she claims to and just looks up songs to name to seem like she knows what she's talking about. And then there's a stampede of annoying 6th graders (I'm in 7th) who think they know everything. Here's what someone said to me and my friends: "I think I'm emo. I mean I dress like it, I listen to the music, and I'm depressed and hate life and want to die." I mean, seriously, emo is not a mental disorder. And I'm pretty sure cutting off some hair except your side bangs, listening to dashboard confessional because "I saw (*insert emo boy*) who's really hot wearing a t shirt for it" and writing "Die" on your leg with sharpie (no joke I saw it with my own eyes) is emo. Me and my friends hang out with the goths and punks too and they have the same problem. So how do get these annoying idiots to leave us alone?

Emo started all because of a style of music in the 80's and I am providing a link that goes over the history.
http://emo-fever.com/emo-history.htm
Along with the music began the fashion, the look which the link also goes over.

By the mid to late 90's when my 3 daughters were in H.S. I discovered that emo as a label a teen gave themselves was less about the music and more about their emotional state which seemed to be very troubled, low self esteem, anxiety issues or depression based and they recognized that about themselves and the way they dressed was now not about music as much as about a way to state that one didn't like their life. I know that many young people use a style of dress simply to define themselves and it has nothing to do with hating ones life or depression. But the word 'Emo' has shifted from meaning strictly music that brings a emo-tional response in you to a label for troubled teens...or those who do not understand that having emotional troubles and depression is not a thing to strive after and want to have, its not something to be proud of being. I know a few of the kids my daughters knew who were Emo. One was a visitor to our church sometimes as her aunt attended and brought her. I knew why she struggled with emotional problems. My goal on advicenatorsf is to help people to see a different perspectived if they have a problem or issue or decision to make and also to give the kind of advice that helps them to have a better life, not to remain where they are at.

When it comes to being on overload with negative thinking, self defeating attitudes, obsession with hate, death and dying, something is actually out of balanced as any Psychologist will tell a person. As a kid and teen, I had social anxieties, performance anxieties and others. By time I hit my last yr of HS, I was tired of being so anxious all the time and sought a cure for it and found it. I have continued to grow and improve as a person all my life, one little step at a time. So my attitude here is, if the teen who irritates you by simply expressing themselves this way ONLY as a fashion choice, it is not for you to decide how others dress or what silly antics they decide are a part of how they dress and act. We ALL have been given a free will to do as we wish however its best to consider to not do anything that will hurt yourself or others...thats a version of 'the golden rule'. A person can decide what their favorite fashion, food, music, activitys etc. are and that is Okay. Its not okay to tell others that their version of being Emo as a fashion is wrong. What is of concern is any teens who feel they want to die, are extremely depressed or have anxieties that plague them. I have recently come to find that unlike what we've been taught, medicine isn't the only way to treat a person, and it isn't always the best. If you yourself have issues with anxieties or depression or anyone else who know, no matter if they dress or proclaim themselves Emo or not, they will need professional help to overcome it. For most, the answer lies in their willingless to partake in their own recovery, to be free of these terrible feelings. And there are books that can help but the best is using such books along with a professional who teachesf Cognitive behavioral therapy. I wish all schools had a psychologist on staff trained in CBT who could work with any kids who came to see them. Since it is not so, if you come across teens who want help, send them here, I'd be glad to talk to them if they have anxiety issues or are depressed. However, if suicidal, they need to call 911, and thats the only areas in which you need to consider saying anything to your peers.

Also, if you are a girl, then most of your being easily irritated by others, a shorter patience and getting angry and pissed is because you are going through puberty and the effects of the hormones that help your body change and mature sexually, also have this negative effect on the emotions but that levels out by late teens. If youre a boy, then boys get easily irritated with girls mostly cus they don't understand them.

I am in my 50s and find some things from hot topic or Gothic style wear that suits my taste and see nothing about the style in itself that would make others think I'd gone off my rocker. I have a healthy self image, no anxieties and not depressed. It seems only teens in that state tend to dress this way. Why? Maybe as a last ditch ploy to subconsciously ask for help?? I dont know.

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I'm 19 going on 20 in 4 months time my boyfriend is 27 my mom has met him once and we live in different cities we would like to get married but I have a over protective/alcoholic crazy father what do I do to get him to accept it ?

I married a month before turning 20 and I regret that marriage now. I thought being mature was all I needed. But I was naive and lacked life experience to really make a good decision and I didnt stop to gather advice and different perspectives from others when the time came to make a decision. I was not doing this to get out of the family home and I do wish I had lived with the man first before marrying as its a pretty much fool proof way to discover more important things about a person before marrying them cus we can't hide things from someone we're around 24/7. So I agree with the live together for a while.

I don't think your dad would go for that either though. When under the influence of anything, alcohol or drugs for example our thinking and reasoning and decision making abilities are affected so Dad may not be able to make any suggestions that make sense or are helpful. Even if he wasn't alcoholic, I hear from quite a few young ladies whose parents or a parent is forbidding them to date even no less get married. A parent will always be a parent and it will be hard to fight the urge to conltinue to want to look after the care of your child and not worry for them. We want the best for you and we know how harsh this world can be. Yet realistically, we can't protect you from everything and once you turn 18, as a parent our role must change from one who parents, sets your guidelines and rules to follow and are protective, to parents who allow you to make your own decisions and do not tell you what to do any longer, only offer advice and act as a sounding board if asked to by our child. Some parents have great trouble making this switch in roles and some never get it. So even without a parent who may be alcoholic or even crazy as in mental problems, the fact is, you are an adult and no longer bound to do as he wishes. It would be nice to have his blessings and approvals in everything you do in your life from this point forward but thats not realistic and doesnt always happen in the real world. I have 3 daughters in their 20's and I cringe at some of their decisions but they haven't asked for my advice so I dont give it, but I sure as heck do pray for them a lot. :)
There is nothing you can really do to make another person change in any way, their habits, their viewpoints, we can be a good example and hope the other has a desire to change for the better every day and let old programiing they lived by drop away, but its like that saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Same with Dad. So bottom line is, he might never like the idea of you having a relationship with a man, dating, being sexually active, living together or marrying, its hard for any parent and even harder for a Dad. Its rare that both parents have always been able to talk about anything sexual with their kids and kids confiding in them about such things without the parents freaking out or uncomfortable. I am different that way and my 2nd husband is too so our kids are pretty well adjusted and for the most part do make good decisions, or at least, no worse than I did at the same age. Just pray for him and make decisions for your own life without giving the control of it over to him. You are giving him the control is you choose to stay at home and only date if he approves, and not live with or marry anyone. If he decides he doesnt want you to, you don't, waiting until he changesd his mind.
What if he never does?
Imagince being beyond child bearing years before Dad is dead and gone and now you can finally live your life at age 50 and get married for the first time. Don't rush into anything but don't stick around waiting for him to change his mind either.

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Hello,

I wrote to you about my relationship about a month ago. I am a 22 Yr old Girl that has been in a relationship for about 3 years. You asked that I got back to you on how things ended up which by the way thank you so much for taking the time to advice me. I decided to give him another chance (for some very odd reason) everything was going wonderful, we were communicating more, going out to places just us 2, just really spending quality time together. 2 weeks ago all my friends went to this huge festival that we go to every year. and this one girl from Canada that he facetimes, snapchatted and talked to often always goes which is in fact where they met. Hes been to Canada twice this year and I know they met up the first time. We'll he assured me nothing ever happened. I said fine and kept on moving on with my life. Well I saw this girl there, we happened to be eating in the same restaurant and because she's friends with several of my friends including my boyfriend I said I was going to actually behave and say hi to her and actually meet her only because I'm not one to like to make things awkward and wanted to see what my friends see in her. So I didn't say hi to her then, I wanted to actually be introduced to her by my boyfriend that was going to end up seeing later in the day. Im a performer (dancer) and we were (my friends and I) going to be performing there. We went to go change into our outfits and as im walking towards the car with them she (Canada girl) sees me and immediately turns around. Then as i'm in the middle of changing she walks by with now her friends and they all keep saying my boyfriends name as if they were mocking me. I didn't do anything although I really wanted to go after her and have a very nice convo with her. But I controlled myself and didn't. Now im not sure of what that meant or how I should handle this situation. Advice please

Thank you for writing back. So you never had a chance to have a conversation with her. First, you assumed someone would take you up and introduce you but that was just a hope in your mind, a picture of how you envisioned things would happen. If you truly wanted a chance to chat, you could have asked someone to introduce you to her officially and it didn't even have to be the boyfriend since as you said so many of your friends know her.
I do not know if they were having a conversation and speaking loud enough for you to hear your boyfriends name mentioned in the sentences or if the only thing they vocalized was his name as a chant like "Steven...steven...steven" done like a chant at a football game. If it was the chant style, then whoever was participating in it just showed you that they are very immature and untrustworthy and childish. This means you can't trust them for any real friendship or even casual acquaintance or for any information to be obtained from. You said "They" which could refer to just her friends, or this girl included. Either way, all you know now is you can't trust them and perhaps her. WHat remains to be discovered is whether you can trust your boyfriend.
Until caught and proven guilty, no matter how convincing a situation may seem, the only things that would have you believing something means something more than what you see at face value is what your thoughts and imaginings are on the situation or on a persons character. This points to two things, the first being the easiest to understand, you really don't know his character deep down enough to know you can trust him. The same gos for this girl. Even if you only felt you couldnt trust the girl if she were alone with him, lets think about it, with what if's. What if they were alone together, what might happen...make a list of your negative thoughts and any postive thoughts. Such as she might come on to him. She might try to force him to have sex and cheat on me. He might love me but not be able to resist when she's naked in front of him.
If you see what I am doing, this is you imagining worst case scenerios and trying then to discover how much basis these thoughts have in reality.
For me, toss my husband in a room full of naked women and no matter how hard they try, he is not going to be interested in a single one of them no matter how beautiful they are because I am the best thing thats ever come into his life and he tells me so. No i dont look like a model and am no longer young but I am beautiful to him as a package deal, beautiful inside and out and its not just about having sex with another woman, that for sex sake falls flat when there's not that feeling of being deeply in love with ones soul mate.Nothing can come between two peoplel like that except death.
Young women are particularly susceptible to questioning themselves and their worth and how they match up as far as competing with other women for a guys attention and devotion. Some do not feel whole as a person being they are addicted to a love relationship, feeling thats the only thing that will make them feel worthy as a person and validated. If leaving you self worth and validation in the hands of a man or any other person who doesnt know what its like to be you, you leave yourself open to heart ache, heart break, lots of pain, disappointment and feeling really low and down on yourself or on men or on a particular person. Many gals get depressed and suicidal if a relationship goes sideways because their self worth was wrapped up in him and they didn't know it. Most of us dont see that until we get much older.
If you were truly not reliant on him for your self worth as a woman, then you would be able to give him ground rules at the beginning of the relationship or even starting now. Dont call blame, but just lay out what IS okay with you as far as his actions and how he treats you, what you expect from him, and that if he ever does A, B, and C,,, then you will leave him and never have anything to do with him again as you deserve better than that and wont waste your time with someone like that. He can fess up right then if hes not been honest and you break up, or he can try to hide things if there's anything to hide but the truth will come out eventually as it takes too much personal power for a person to keep hiding and putting up a false personality or scenerio. So whats the worst thing that could happen if you do find that he and this gal have been going at it behind your back. The way you respond will indicate whether your thought life is at, more negative or more positive and whether you like a computer may be running some unwanted programs in the background, call it self defeating beliefs, SBD's. I'll give you an example from my life. My first husband was verbally abusive to the day I left after 30 yrs. I learned that it was all about me, not him. I needed to believe in myself, trust my instincts and learn to love myself enough to not place myself in life situations in which I am being used, lie to, abused, treated unfairly, cheated on, etc.... You could say I finally woke up. But dont think a person goes on happily without being tested. I got on a dating site and met many guys who seemed nice at first. By the second or third date, with my experiecne with ex, and what little I'd learned of himan behavior, the psyche, and some basics of character types and basic psychology, I was able to spot the warning signs as soon as they appeared. And as I said before, a false front is hard to keep up forever and soon a person lets the mask slip. One guy for a 3rd date invited me to dinner at his house. When I arrived to his spotless immaculate home, he asked forgiveness for such a messy place and said he hadd a useless house maid who was (another race and called her derogatory names) awful things he said about someone I'd never met and of course it wasnt true as the house was spotless. Right here, I knew I cant blame myself for not knowing his true character at first, its easy to hide for a while, but now that I saw something...what did it say about him? 1. he's verbally abusive 2. short temper or anger problems 3. unreasonable 4. a perfectionist and theres no way to please him.
I was not so desperate and lonely for companionship or desperate for a sex partner/lover that I would lower my standards and go back to the same thing I just left. These were some of my ex's issues. So to not anger him, I ate dinner, pretended all was fine, made an excuse of not feeling well to leave early and never went back to him again. When he called, I told him I had found someone else that I had better chemistry with. People seem to understand and accept that as a valid excuse so this way i wouldn't have a man angry at me to start stalking or making hateful calls as one guy did twice after I dumped him for lying to me about not being a cigarette smoker. I am allergic to it. So you need to be smart in any moves you make not just to decide who's worth staying with but also how to break up without creating more troubles for yourself from the ex.
If I were you, I'd sit and make a list of what I am really looking for in a guy, how unique is this guy on paper. Could hundreds fit the profile or only a select few. If too generic, and you aren't picky enough in what you want, how can you tell a guy what you will and won't accept.
Do this first. If you need help getting started, let me know, I call it a list of wants and needs in a guy, or must haves, vs nice but not necessities.
When you know you can explain yourself well, and you know you can give an ultimatum like you do this once, and I'll leave, and be able to stick with it, then you're ready to have a talk with him. No accusations, because you have no solid proof, only your errant thoughts. But put realistic guidelines. For me it was, I wanted a man who would never raise his voice to me, always be willing to compromise and find resolutions in a calm adultlike manner, someone who would support me and my dreams, hopes, talents, etc. instead of someone who tears me down, see...I was specific. I didnt have to say No cheating allowed. Instead I asked for honesty such as at any point that you change your mind and decide you want someone else, dont go behind my back, just tell me its over and then go after who you wnat because life is short and i dont want to spend time with anyone who is tired of me, made a mistake and changed their mind or feels we're not a right fit because I deserve a man who doesnt just love some things about me but is in love with me and will uphold and support me in whatever I chose as a female to create and do.

Can you see yourself able to give him permission to life you but just be honest with you? If you cna't, something is holding you back and you may need to see a psychologist about it. Until you are able to be that firm and have no feelings of worry, regret or inadaquacy about yourself over it, you are going to find yourself in relationship situations that are just less than the best and you deserve the best for you just as I deserved the best and I got it in my second husband, after responding in email to, chatting online, phone calls and then those I actually met in person which ranged from many hundreds who wrote me over 2 years time down to a few dozen I screened down to meet in person. If the perfect guy for you were easy to find, then you could meet him anywhere in public tomorrow by just bumping into him. It is actually hard work to find Mr. Right but so worth it in the end. I hope this helps a bit more dear. I wish my daughters your age range asked me for advice more but too embarrassed I guess so I dont interfere unless asked.

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My daughter who is 12 has recently gotten into the emo music, and it led to her dresssing in black, and being more introverted, and she seems sadder. And now she wears her hair to the side covering an eye and she asked the hair styler to layer her hair and "thin out the ends 3-4 inches" which I found was the emo haircut. Her friends are also starting to pick to pick up on it and dressing in black and acting darker. I looked it up and found out it was a cult and the such....what do I do to stop it?

I asked my daughters when they were in HS (now all in 20's) what emo was when a couple of their friends
started doing it. They told me the Emo is short for Emotional and a kid who identified with being Emo at their age was usually going thru something that was affecting them emotionally.
It seems that every one expects teens to suffer from teenage depression these days. granted, society is harder to manuever in and thru then when the parents or grandparents were kids and things were simpler, I still don't believe it to be natural for 8 0r 9 out of 10 kids to become depressed or want to or choose to be Emo. It may be a fad or fashion statement for some like those in the hippy era making their own statement of the time by how they acted, dressed and what they believed. But for all to feel depressed means there is something wrong that scientists havent discovered yet and there are no reports to tell parents.
It is true that if you tell her she can not be Emo, that you won't allow it, thats like someone telling you that you cant be depressed over some situation like losing a job, or a parent dying. Don't do it. We are entitled to feel what we feel. However some emotions are positive, and some are negative. Thats all fine when they're in balance but if any person, teen or adult has too many negative emotions they are battling, it can be crippling and lead to depression which can lead to self harming or suicide.

One interesting thing I've come across that may in part be responsible is that when girls start the early phase of puberty where hormones are released, (can be before getting a period) their hormone levels go way too high. Much of that is due to some people more than other picking up synthetic versions of female hormones just from growing up in a world where we get it from our environment. Add in puberty hormones and its instant hormone over load. think back to what happened to your emotions as a teen, you either got more weepy or sad or became more angry and easily irritated. And we usually lashed out at other females we knew well, mom, sisters or best friends. I got the weepy stuff. My daughters all fought each other bitterly. What happens with hormone overload is possible total character change, a different personality no one can live with, instead of just sad, they self harm or become depressed or suicidal, and on the angry side are always instigating fights and becoming physically, hitting other, destroying things in uncontrollable rages. The good thing to know is that a routine checkup with the Dr. can help. some girl only see the Dr. if they have period problems. But I feel all girls should have their hormones levels checked by family Dr. these days. if high they can prescribe a medication necessary only for their teen years since hormones level out by time one is out of H.S. So I would suggest at least that to be sure its not a hormonal thing having her go to Emo. My daughters who had emo friends, those girls cut themselves with razer blades. The jist of it is to make oneself feel good for just the time they are cutting, taking their mind off what troubles them. Many teens do not go to their parents with simple issues, too embarrassed if its to do with periods, or liking a boy, or being bullied, so they suffer and worry or write to us. I find that girls being extra super mean and the extremes in anger seems to be very common. As for how she dresses, encourage her self expression in dressing. I do find the goth and emo styles to be very similar at least to me AND i Really dont mind the look. Its whether there is anything really emotional bugging her underlying that you may need to be concerned about. I wouldn't call it a cult, not at all.
You need to have good communication with your kids, finding a time daily to sit and talk. I usually walked into their bedroom and sat and asked how their day was. I established this in grade school so it became a common practice and natural to them. To do so all of a sudden can seem suspicious. Even so, my oldest was still too afraid to tell me she suffered depression, the clinical kind that needs meds. Didnt find out til after she had a baby and her condition was extremely worse.
If you are the type of parent squeamish about talking openly about sex and dating and periods and such, then its likely she wont come to you with her issues. You can try to establish a good routine chat with her under the reasoning that now that she's in puberty age group, going into middle school with H.S. in the future, you realize this will be a more stressful period in her life and you want her to know she can talk to you about anything. So if there's things you did as a kid that you regret, the things parents hide from their kids, it might be a good time to be real with them and share when appropriate. Let her know she can ask you about anything, sex, dating, self harm like cutting, peer pressure to smoke, drink, try drugs. I know parents who told their kids...if you really are that curious that you are going to try alcohol one way or the other, then I would rather make sure you do so under my protection not with kids at some party that is not supervised. And some parents did have their kids take them up on that. even tried out cigarettes and pot that way. And because the parents had no problem with answering anything and even some things under controlled situations were allowed to satisfy their curiosity, the parents were likely to be listened to when explaining the dangers of any of those substances and how to be responsible in ones choices. This way a young teen is less likely to trust and follow along with the crowd. this is the best thing you can do.

Heres a not related to Emo example of how I discussed teen sex and dating with my daughters. I asked them to be real observant of the girls they saw dating a new guy every couple weeks and watch to see what happened to her grades. I explained that the distractions of her feelings and heart broken over break ups will affect grades and may cause other problems for her too.
I warned them about sex too and how teen boys so badly want to experience it that often they will trick girls into it and explained scenerios, date rape drug, not being in control due to having taken drugs or alcohol so you cant make a good decision. Told them I wouldn't lie , that sex is very great with the right person but its terrible when someone uses you and pretends they love you just to get some. I also said I dont want them finding themselves pregnant as a teen. So my guidelines were, decide for yourself if you will even date in HS or not. YOu can have male friends, but dating is a step further. If you have male friends, they are as welcome here as your female friends at our house, just invite them over, as long as we are home to make sure we can protect you in case he was a pretender only after sex. However if you do meet a boy, even though you didnt intend it to happen you both developed feelings and found it hard to stay away from each other sexually, then come to me, I'd rather take you for birth control and supply condoms for him so you don't become pregnant or get a disease. They were open and shared about guys they liked and invited over but non every came by our house. What happened is that all 3 girls graduated without having dated or had sex in H.S. I do know for sure they did right after H.S. with the first serious boyfriends they had, as they told me about it. Thats how open they are with me. If you can develop that openess, it should be helpful.
otherwise, look for changes in behavior. If she never wears short sleeves or shorts ever again, she could be hiding that she's cutting herself which typically they do on legs and arms. She goes out and you dont know where or with whom...thats another thing important. My girls didn't have cells, not that popular yet, so I always knew whose house they'd be at, or whether at mall and who did have a phone i could call to get hold of them in an emergency or to just check how its going. I'd volunteer to drop them at mall so I have an excuse to stay in touch in case they were done earlier or wanted to stay longer than arranged pick up time. Give her some small adult responsibilities to let her know you see that she is a young adult but young adults need to learn how to handle responsibilities and so need to maintain contact with parents and use them for advice and admit when they had a problem or made a mistake. instead of being mad, you simply want to help her understand what things could have been done better. Now that she knows you expect the better choice next time. She only will have a problem if she chooses to make the wrong decisions and break rules when she already knows better from having messed up once. Thats when grounding and other such discipline is necessary.
If at worst case scenerio you have issues with her and she fights you on everything, make an appointment with a child psychologist and please search for one that is trained in cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy because thats more effective than the regular therapy.

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Tonight's my first night staying in a house by myself ever. I've seriously never done this before and I wouldn't admit it if this wasn't anonymous, but I'm scared. I live in a nice neighborhood and don't know of a single break in that's ever happened here, but I still can't help feeling a little nervous about it. I'm a woman by the way and I'm paranoid about what would happen if the wrong person found out that I live alone. I have three small dogs who bark at noises. Part of me thinks that will make thing better, but the other part thinks it will make things worse. I feel like they'll let me know if someone's outside or anything. However, I also think they'll scare !e when they bark at nothing and then I'll get used to it and ignore them if something actually does happen. Is it rational to have these fears?

Adviceman gave good advice. However I was following your thought processes as you came up with one scenerio and then the what if that lead you on to the next negative thought.
So I can't help but think, that even if you do follow all his advice, your anxieties are not going to go away, not even diminish a little bit.
Next you'd be doubled checking to make sure there are bullets in your gun, double and triple checking your alarm system just in case you might have forgotten. Even though you;ve never stayed alone in a house by yourself before, you have these fears. I can understand if you'd gone thru a bad experience but you personally didn't. Is there someone you know who did experience a break in, not in your neighborhood but somewhere?
If you've taken all the smart precautions and still have these fears, then you need to realize at that point they are not normal. It is good to not trust that a neighborhood is safe simply because theres never been a break in.

{People can have a specific anxiety or have anxieties that crop up in other area's of life.
I am currently reading a book on just that subject, anxieties and depression and how a person can be helped to get beyond negative thinking that causes these anxieties along with the help of a psychologist trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy..a cognition being a thought and its often our own thought process that cause fears that have no basis in reality.
So you can go ahead and take all the steps listed to protect yourself which are good. But in themselves, they will not alleviate your fears and anxieties because you will think up new scenerios to remain scared. And hon, a good portion of society is plagued by more negative thought than positive ones. its just that some of us naturally never really paid them much mind or dwellt on them. I did as a kid have anxieties social, and others. I got over them in my late teens because I was desperate enough to do whatever it took to get over them and never have them again But it meant facing my fear which initially was uncomfortable. But in each case I discovered I had distorted, illogical thoughts which can be called a 'mental con game' making me feel the way I was thinking. I now know that changing how I thought changed how I felt. Anxieties are all about telling oneself youre in danger and something bad is going to happen. And once a person feels anxious, the negative thoughts reinforce each other until you're caught in a vicious cycle. So if you discover this is whats really going on for you, remember, many people do this and have to learn how to correct their thinking. It doesnt mean you are broken or have something so wrong that no one will like you. It is simply going to be limiting you in being able to do things and enjoy life as much as possible cus its not a joy or fun to sit around and constantly worry...I know. Here's a website to check out. I am reading, "When Panic Attacks." found at my library. I would think most have them. But if you do go this road, the book works better with the guidance of a dr. who is schooled in and used CBT with his patients.

http://feelinggood.com/

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23/F

So basically I'll start off with I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and when we broke up in June I felt so sad i have always had depression and self harmed myself but no one knew Fourth of July weekend I felt the saddest I have ever felt and looked at my medicine cabinet and said what am I going to take to kill myself I thought about death every day and thought it was normal. I talked to my doctor and she put me on zoloft. I have never felt better until yesterday. I met this new guy and I finally moved on to my ex we had sex twice both with condoms. The only skin on skin action was us in the shower but we never physically did it until after with a condom. The next day I had an outrageous yeast infection and I found out yesterday I have Herpes. I have only been with 2 people and this is what happens...the guy I slept with is in denial and said he doesn't have anything but maybe he does now because I gave it to him! He was with his ex for 2 years and he said they are both fine. I just don't understand how this happened to me and now I am back in my hole where I don't want to live anymore. I feel broken and sad and nobody is going to want me.

Do check the links given already from other advice person and look up more on your own. There is a lot of misinformation or assumptions regarding Herpes.
I learned the hard way, by discovering I was a carrier of Herpes.

You did mention a really bad yeast infection. I know some gals who let an infection hang around too long before going for medical help, including one daughter and end result is the infection can morph in raised bumpy rash with blisters that burst, depending on what you what...and I am not talking about herpes yet. I have seen lots of babies in the church nursery with horrendous rashes on their bottom, raised bumpy and broken open blisters and they were in major pain. You didnt say that the Herpes was diagnosised by a Dr. So I hope you are not assuming you have it due to the infection you have.

Also important to know is that when a person goes in and asked to be checked for STD's, they don't always include herpes screening unless you mention you've had multiple partners or have experienced something you think might be an outbreak. I always assumed it was included. My ex and I got tested in the beginning but not for herpes. He had multiple partners before me, and I had zero. After divorce, before dating, I got tested again, and again assumed it was included, again told I am disease free. So I could now go on to finding another partner and make sure the partner gets screened too. A few years later I decided to do another STI screening and just happened to ask this time, "the test includes screening for herpes, right?" I was shocked to find out that no, it didn't, not unless I asked for it.
So many people may be doing the right thing, getting screened by there are reasons why the CDC center for disease control don't feel it is important to include, except for under special circumstances. And here is a link on that:

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm

So there may be a lot of people who are carriers of the virus and not know it because they have never had an outbreak and may never have one.
Ad lot has to do with the health of ones immune system. So if you are under tremendous stress always due to your lifestyle, then your imune system suffers and it is more likely you could have an outbreak. In my case, I dont know if I got it from my 1st husband I married at age 20, or any sex partners I had after who had been screened. However, once I got my blood test results back on herpes and it was Positive, I began to read everything I could on it and realized, my life was not over.
But, I did owe it to tell others that I know I am a carrier though I've never had an outbreak. I put it in my dating profile, wanting to screen out those really squeamish about that. If I did meet a guy though, I would ask him if he already had the virus or didn't. I wish i had known to purposely ask to be screened. My doctor said that so many people have it and dont know it, that it would be ridiculous to routinely screen for it with STI's or even a general physical exam because a great majority of people are all going to test positive.

You could already have been a carrier and just needed a major stress to help lower your immune system and it sounds like you had yours, break up from a 5 yr relationship, feeling so depressed you want to kill yourself. Thats what caused you to have an outbreak.
Please read carefully anything on how herpes is transfered. For those with any sore, no matter the size, it is very painful and they are most likely to not engage in sex when theres a break out. I have sinced my diagnos met and married my husband who said he was also diagnosed as a carrier but for oral herpes. I've never gotten that from him and he's never gotten the other from me in 7 yrs now being together and we're very active, at least every other day if not daily having sex.
The virus is passed so easily from sores that burst and you coming into contact with..thats a given. What people dont know is that the virus hides dormant at the base of nerves awaiting their trigger and then travel up the nerves to lay on the skin surface unseen for a day or two before eruption of sores. I have since had 3 outbreaks that were very tiny and gone just as quick. but being very in tune with my body, I noticed the the skin in the area of a previous outbreak felt really tender and sore to the touch, like it was rubbed too much, or lets say, the pants were too tight and cloth rubbing you sore even though no skin is torn. No visible mark. ANd 2 days later I'd have my outbreak. Cant say its the same for all people but I seem to get warning so if i do feel that tenderness on the skin surface I let the husband know and we avoid doing anying for a couple days. If nothing appears, Im in the clear, if it does, we wait. Same for if he gets the mouth one, he gets the same warning a day before and will let me know to not kiss him for a couple days to be sur e. If one is this cautious with a partner, then its likely you may be able to avoid infecting the other in a new spot.
For you regarding finding a guy who will have you with this condition, I would wait for a him asking to see you again like a 2nd date or asking to date you and then tell him that you have herpes, if thats the case. Tell him that many people are infected and don't know because not all carriers of the virus ever have symptoms. So if he likes you but is seriously thinking of not being with you over your having herpes, ask him to humor you and go for an STD screening and specify he also wants to be tested for herpes.
Any guy serious enough about finding the gal he wants to settle down with and marry will do that. And some guy may end up surprised to discover he has it also, therefore if he's already got it, theres no reason not to date you.
Or you can always go to a dating website strictly for those with Herpes.
If you find the Zoloft doesnt work, let me know as I am reading books by a psychologist who teaches CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy for treating anxiety and depression. Your last statement is a typical negative thought that has no basis in fact. I dont pick on you...just want to help. SO if your doctor isn't using CBT therapy with you, its important to at least check out this site if you find the meds dont work or side effects real bad. And ask for Dr.s in your area who are trained in CBT.
http://feelinggood.com/
Good luck dear.

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How to mek frenz

You don't mention if you are asking due to having social anxiety/shyness. If you do, let me know and I have special instructions for that issue.

Otherwise, remember a smile goes a long way towards meeting and making friends. A smile on the face of another person signals the message that they are friendly and approachable.
Whether in school, at work or in the neighborhood, the way to make a friend is to be friendly, smile and say hi and start a conversation with a person. The best thing is to use something you already have in common, having same class, they are playing a song thats a fav of yours, they are wearing a tee of a favorite team, etc... If you start looking, you will find possible openers for conversation and if both of you enjoyed talking to each other then you say something like, hey i really enjoyed talking with you, Wanna hang out some time soon? Trade phone numbers. Dont fall into a pattern of just texting the person, cus thats not spending time together really getting to know them.
It might seem scary to be the one who speaks first and approaches others first but generally, the majority of strangers out there are personality types that are friendly, social and approachable. Only a slim margin like to be left alone. So in numbers, thats like maybe 2 in every 100 people you talk to, at least from my experience its been so.
Also, do not ask any close ended questions, meaning one that can be answered by the other with a yes or no cus after they've given a yes or no, you have nothing that they'd revealed to use to launch your next question, statement, or story about you or an experience of yours.

Example: Instead of asking So do you like grunge music? You ask: "I hear you listening to grunge music. What other kinds of music do you like?

If you need more ideas for how to start conversation (which is key to meeting people)let me know some things you participate in (clubs, sports, hobbies) and if trying to make friends at school, work, elsewhere, all of the above, and I'll see what I can do to help more.
Good luck!

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Is it childish to be in college and to miss your parents, especially your mom? How do you handle that? Especially when you haven't been away from your mom for more than three days in YEARS. Like 16 or 17 years. My mom's not far away and I'm lucky because I'll never go more than a week without seeing her, but this still sucks. I'm excited about the good times I'm gonna have in the future, but still. I miss my dad too, but I'm used to being away from him (he travels a lot). Does anyone have any advice. Am I completely childish for missing my mom and dad at my age?

Enjoy the close relationship you have there. A mom will always be a mom no matter how old she gets. So a mom can be in 70s and daughter 50 and a child even at that age can miss mom such as when she passes on. This is a lifelong relationship and the most special one as she birthed you and gave you life. Life can't be the same as when you saw mom daily living under their roof. You will have a life of your own and not see mom on a daily basis anymore but it shouldnt affect your relationship. Even once married and having your own kids, visits to see mom/grandma or her coming to see you and your family are wonderful. Different isn't bad, just different. Give yourself time and you will eventually get used to this new phase of your life but you wont miss mom any less.

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Alright, so let me start with the beginning. I was drinking a slushy type thing that was in a glass cup (It isn't light, it is a little heavy). Since there's ice in it, it "melts" and makes the underneath of what it's on wet. Also the cup itself, since it slowly melts therefore causing the cup to become "moist". Anyway, while I was drinking that, I was on my laptop doing whatever. Once I finished it, it was just an empty cup on my wooden nightstand. I then heard it move, and I looked over and literally saw it moving. I got so incredibly scared that I literally froze and stopped breathing. It scared the hell out of me. I was one of those people who didn't believe in ghosts and thought it was just a bunch of bull, but now I'm not so sure. I am so incredibly scared. Would the moisture/wetness cause it to move? It slowly slid an inch or two. I'm trying to convince myself that it was just the cup, but how would it slip a little then just stop?? When I picked up the cup, the bottom was wet, and I wiped it off and put it away.

I've had the same exact liquid in the same cup before and this hasn't happened to me before. What could this be? Whenever I think about the image of the cup moving, I get so scared and my heart starts beating. It was surreal and terrifying; Even if it was just a slippery cup. I absolutely despise paranormal stuff and that's why I ceased to believe in that sort of stuff. Please help, I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I recently moved to this new apartment (Where the incident happened) a little over a month ago but nobody said anything weird happened.

Adviceman is right. I've had it happen especially in summer, hot room, warm glasses and cold drink and condensation so as I placed filled glasses on the table they moved a fraction of an inch sliding on the wetness and the surface of counter or table not being totally level. When less liquid in glass, it could move more.

What you need to know about ghosts is that they are souls. Some troubled souls remain on earth never ready to go to heaven. others go to heaven but may occasionally come watch over or try to contact a loved one. So if any spirit of any family who has died and passed over wants to contact you, the most often used way is to come to you in your dreams, because the subconscious mind is more open to that.

Places that are actually 'haunted' meaning very negative hateful, malecious souls of those departed remained on earth, they do not tend to play one stunt on a person. If they are present, it would have been occurring all along since you moved into the house and on a regular basis. with some pattern, such as daily, weekly or in certain rooms. You state no such history so I am with adviceman. It was not ghosts.

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Well it's kind of a long story short, around the beginning of July I met this guy randomly on the street he's from the same country as me and everything we hit off straight away, that day we spoke as if we had known each other for a lifetime, well we swapped numbers etc and we've been seeing each other since. We did speak about each others past relationships because we're still on that stage of getting to know each other, he's told me he's attracted to me and he started to like me and he really wants to continue getting to know me how he would like a relationship with me eventually, we get a long great. He told me he had been with someone for 5 years etc... And I asked him whether he still had feelings for her or not and he said that there was still something there for her because she was the only girl he ever been in love with, to be honest this kind of turned my mood down I even told him I wouldn't want to be with someone that still has feelings for an ex. He said that it was the past that he met me now and how he loves everything about me etc and how he rather be honest with me.. However I don't know what to do don't get me wrong I've been in that position as well but I couldn't be able to see myself seeing someone while I still like my ex, it's a bit like ummmfff cause so far he seems like such a great guy we have nice moments together and it feels so good.. Mmmm I appreciate him being honest but it's just ahhhhhh :/ :( what to do ?!!!!!!!????? Cause I have his feeling he wants to start something with me ... I love how direct he is with me but I don't know what to think please help :/ :(

Here's a couple pieces of information that could change the situation for you so you're not leftd guessing.
One thing important is to know not the amount of time he spent with her but how long it has been since they broke up. If it has been recent, then he needs time to get over it first before seeking a close committed relationship with another girl. He doesnt need to shut himself away from the world but anyone he meets needs to be considered just friend material until he is ready to date. Unless you seek friends with benefits, that means, no romance or hand holding and kissing or sex like a committed couple would have. The reason I mention this is that many guys do not require that intimate heart connection with a girl to have sex, so while lust works for him, the girl connects with her heart as in making love and can develop strong feelings for a guy because of it, even if he's not the right one for her, or not available or ready, etc...

If its been a year or more since being with her, he may be ready to date but feel something for her. However as in my and my 2nd husbands case, neither of us felt any longing for our exs once we met. Usually theres a reason for splitting up. One or the other or both did things that created problems in the relationship that they were unable or unwilling to resolve. Some people outgrow each other, one changes so much that their mate is no longer the right match, or the two never were a good match and somehow managed to hange together 5 yrs. My husband was never a good match with his ex but they were together 15 years. In all that time, he came to care about her as a human being and considers her family as they have a child together. But his feelings are more like a brother to a sister no matter that they used to be intimate. What he has with me as a wife is a vast improvement over her in many areas. That is important when moving to the next relationship...that whatever the issues were, you dont settle for the same or less with the next person but look for someone even better for you than the last person. Heck I didn't know this stuff when young and wish someone had told me.
So the other important thing to determine is exactly what kind of feelings he has for her.
Examples: She dumped him and its been a short amount of time, then he likely is still deeply in love and hurt and on the rebound and its best to avoid him. Its been a short time but they both mutually decided to part realizing they weren't the best partners to last lifelong and part as friends and so yes, there can be real feelings there, its someone you care about and love, like your parents or siblings now but not love as for a mate and lover, those feelings can stop and change. Both my husband and I know since we both have exs and there is absolutely never any wish to be close to them or sexual with them, that would be like going backwards to something unfullfilling after gettting to know each other. If its been a long time and he is still crazy in love with her, then he wont ever be good relationship material because something mentally is holding him back from moving on. He may have emotionally issues, be a needy person, or who knows what, but thats not normal. If its been a long time since he broke up with her and loves her as a person, a total change from romantic and lover love, then really, thats a good quality in a man who he is someone who is caring about people in general and doesnt use people or toss them out, he likely is a caring patient person with lots of other good traits as I've found with my husband. Its not selective love to love me as his mate and his ex as family but he is caring to all, helping our elderly neighbors as they have need for example. Thats what to look for.

You did say he said he would like a relationship with u eventually and that means not right now.
So you both need to talk and discuss whether you think you can meet as just buddies, no romance or sex and not growing romantic love feelings for each other. Boundaries need to be stated and agreed to for both of you since "eventually" as he states means not now. So take him at his word and let him know it must be just meeting as friends which means neither has made any promise to the other regarding dating another if the right person came along. Either you learn that you're right for each other just in hanging as friends first and if thats often each week, you should have a good idea by time a month or two has gone by to commit to each other officially as a couple and take yourself off the market, no longer available to date others. Until that happens, he needs to know that as friends, you will not hold yourself in reserve waiting for him someday long in the future. This sort of arrangement causes a man to be less lacksadaisical and lazy about committing. He will pay attention to how well you get along and see if he can picture u both together for the rest of your lives. He knows that if he doesnt takes things seriously that you will be dating and possibly falling for another guy, that he could lose you. So he will decide faster if you are right for him or not.



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