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Daughter has become emo?
My daughter who is 12 has recently gotten into the emo music, and it led to her dresssing in black, and being more introverted, and she seems sadder. And now she wears her hair to the side covering an eye and she asked the hair styler to layer her hair and "thin out the ends 3-4 inches" which I found was the emo haircut. Her friends are also starting to pick to pick up on it and dressing in black and acting darker. I looked it up and found out it was a cult and the such....what do I do to stop it?
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Everyone says Emo kids are depressed but not all of them. most kids now days choose to look like that is simply just because they like the style. if you make sure your daughter's happy, everything should be OK. if you think she is actually depressed, you should just go and talk to her about it.
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I asked my daughters when they were in HS (now all in 20's) what emo was when a couple of their friends
started doing it. They told me the Emo is short for Emotional and a kid who identified with being Emo at their age was usually going thru something that was affecting them emotionally.
It seems that every one expects teens to suffer from teenage depression these days. granted, society is harder to manuever in and thru then when the parents or grandparents were kids and things were simpler, I still don't believe it to be natural for 8 0r 9 out of 10 kids to become depressed or want to or choose to be Emo. It may be a fad or fashion statement for some like those in the hippy era making their own statement of the time by how they acted, dressed and what they believed. But for all to feel depressed means there is something wrong that scientists havent discovered yet and there are no reports to tell parents.
It is true that if you tell her she can not be Emo, that you won't allow it, thats like someone telling you that you cant be depressed over some situation like losing a job, or a parent dying. Don't do it. We are entitled to feel what we feel. However some emotions are positive, and some are negative. Thats all fine when they're in balance but if any person, teen or adult has too many negative emotions they are battling, it can be crippling and lead to depression which can lead to self harming or suicide.
One interesting thing I've come across that may in part be responsible is that when girls start the early phase of puberty where hormones are released, (can be before getting a period) their hormone levels go way too high. Much of that is due to some people more than other picking up synthetic versions of female hormones just from growing up in a world where we get it from our environment. Add in puberty hormones and its instant hormone over load. think back to what happened to your emotions as a teen, you either got more weepy or sad or became more angry and easily irritated. And we usually lashed out at other females we knew well, mom, sisters or best friends. I got the weepy stuff. My daughters all fought each other bitterly. What happens with hormone overload is possible total character change, a different personality no one can live with, instead of just sad, they self harm or become depressed or suicidal, and on the angry side are always instigating fights and becoming physically, hitting other, destroying things in uncontrollable rages. The good thing to know is that a routine checkup with the Dr. can help. some girl only see the Dr. if they have period problems. But I feel all girls should have their hormones levels checked by family Dr. these days. if high they can prescribe a medication necessary only for their teen years since hormones level out by time one is out of H.S. So I would suggest at least that to be sure its not a hormonal thing having her go to Emo. My daughters who had emo friends, those girls cut themselves with razer blades. The jist of it is to make oneself feel good for just the time they are cutting, taking their mind off what troubles them. Many teens do not go to their parents with simple issues, too embarrassed if its to do with periods, or liking a boy, or being bullied, so they suffer and worry or write to us. I find that girls being extra super mean and the extremes in anger seems to be very common. As for how she dresses, encourage her self expression in dressing. I do find the goth and emo styles to be very similar at least to me AND i Really dont mind the look. Its whether there is anything really emotional bugging her underlying that you may need to be concerned about. I wouldn't call it a cult, not at all.
You need to have good communication with your kids, finding a time daily to sit and talk. I usually walked into their bedroom and sat and asked how their day was. I established this in grade school so it became a common practice and natural to them. To do so all of a sudden can seem suspicious. Even so, my oldest was still too afraid to tell me she suffered depression, the clinical kind that needs meds. Didnt find out til after she had a baby and her condition was extremely worse.
If you are the type of parent squeamish about talking openly about sex and dating and periods and such, then its likely she wont come to you with her issues. You can try to establish a good routine chat with her under the reasoning that now that she's in puberty age group, going into middle school with H.S. in the future, you realize this will be a more stressful period in her life and you want her to know she can talk to you about anything. So if there's things you did as a kid that you regret, the things parents hide from their kids, it might be a good time to be real with them and share when appropriate. Let her know she can ask you about anything, sex, dating, self harm like cutting, peer pressure to smoke, drink, try drugs. I know parents who told their kids...if you really are that curious that you are going to try alcohol one way or the other, then I would rather make sure you do so under my protection not with kids at some party that is not supervised. And some parents did have their kids take them up on that. even tried out cigarettes and pot that way. And because the parents had no problem with answering anything and even some things under controlled situations were allowed to satisfy their curiosity, the parents were likely to be listened to when explaining the dangers of any of those substances and how to be responsible in ones choices. This way a young teen is less likely to trust and follow along with the crowd. this is the best thing you can do.
Heres a not related to Emo example of how I discussed teen sex and dating with my daughters. I asked them to be real observant of the girls they saw dating a new guy every couple weeks and watch to see what happened to her grades. I explained that the distractions of her feelings and heart broken over break ups will affect grades and may cause other problems for her too.
I warned them about sex too and how teen boys so badly want to experience it that often they will trick girls into it and explained scenerios, date rape drug, not being in control due to having taken drugs or alcohol so you cant make a good decision. Told them I wouldn't lie , that sex is very great with the right person but its terrible when someone uses you and pretends they love you just to get some. I also said I dont want them finding themselves pregnant as a teen. So my guidelines were, decide for yourself if you will even date in HS or not. YOu can have male friends, but dating is a step further. If you have male friends, they are as welcome here as your female friends at our house, just invite them over, as long as we are home to make sure we can protect you in case he was a pretender only after sex. However if you do meet a boy, even though you didnt intend it to happen you both developed feelings and found it hard to stay away from each other sexually, then come to me, I'd rather take you for birth control and supply condoms for him so you don't become pregnant or get a disease. They were open and shared about guys they liked and invited over but non every came by our house. What happened is that all 3 girls graduated without having dated or had sex in H.S. I do know for sure they did right after H.S. with the first serious boyfriends they had, as they told me about it. Thats how open they are with me. If you can develop that openess, it should be helpful.
otherwise, look for changes in behavior. If she never wears short sleeves or shorts ever again, she could be hiding that she's cutting herself which typically they do on legs and arms. She goes out and you dont know where or with whom...thats another thing important. My girls didn't have cells, not that popular yet, so I always knew whose house they'd be at, or whether at mall and who did have a phone i could call to get hold of them in an emergency or to just check how its going. I'd volunteer to drop them at mall so I have an excuse to stay in touch in case they were done earlier or wanted to stay longer than arranged pick up time. Give her some small adult responsibilities to let her know you see that she is a young adult but young adults need to learn how to handle responsibilities and so need to maintain contact with parents and use them for advice and admit when they had a problem or made a mistake. instead of being mad, you simply want to help her understand what things could have been done better. Now that she knows you expect the better choice next time. She only will have a problem if she chooses to make the wrong decisions and break rules when she already knows better from having messed up once. Thats when grounding and other such discipline is necessary.
If at worst case scenerio you have issues with her and she fights you on everything, make an appointment with a child psychologist and please search for one that is trained in cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy because thats more effective than the regular therapy.
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Emo is not a cult it is more like a phase teenagers today go through. To try and change her or forbid her will only alienate you and her.
What I suggest, having gone through this already, is be a good parent and try to ignore. By being a good parent of today's teenager means checking them for signs of drug and alcohol use.
Being emo does and does not lend itself to drug and alcohol use. The use of drugs and alcohol are unfortunately rampant in today's schools even as far down as some elementary grades.
Good parenting means checking their rooms, backpacks and clothing for drugs and alcohol. Monitoring their behavior for any changes and taking appropriate action if you notice anything different with your child. Going emo is not a change that says your child is into drugs and alcohol. It does mean you need to be more vigilant.
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It's not a cult.
Anymore than being a member of drama club or the football team is a cult. It's just a subculture of music and fashion that many, many teenagers gravitate to. Many of the adults you meet everyday were 'emo' in high school. It's not that abnormal, and it's doesn't mean there is a problem.
Here is a much more balanced explanation of what emo is, rather than those absurd, click-baiting articles:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Your daughter isn't going to be able to take you seriously if you believe it's a cult - and she'd be right to think you have no idea what you are talking about! You can't understand subcultures by googling them and then freaking out because the Daily Mail said something stupid and scary. That's not reasonable or respectful of your daughter.
The best thing you can do is talk to her about what she's attracted too about it. Being introverted is not a crime, and if she is finding people she is connecting with and feels safe and respected, that is not necessarily a bad thing. If she is depressed, that is something separate that you need to speak to her about - not by attacking the way she choosing to dress - but by being present and listening to her, and taking her concerns seriously.
What can you do to stop it? You shouldn't do much of anything to stop her from dressing however she wants, so long as she meets dress-codes and isn't running about naked. She's 12 and she's ready to have that judgement be her own. If you try to take it away from her, she will view you as the enemy.
Whether your daughter is wearing black or rainbows, what she needs from you now is for you to listen to her reasons and her ideas, and not freak out because your read something crazy online. She needs your respect. She needs you take her seriously, not take her clothes seriously.
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