|
don't know what to do!
Hi there I tried to seek for help from Psychologist but something or the other happend n I never told anyone about it..cause its about my mother n I love her.but in recent days I am being unable to tolerate her. In her past life since her childhood she had gone through mental torture n suppression. Everyone has dominated her as she was very submissive n polite. Literally she was tortured because of her soft heart. Even after her marriage, whichwas an arranged one, she was tortured by her brother n sister in laws...even my Dad is not at all a family oriented guy..he has cheated on my mom n she has forgiven him several times n stayed with him. But suddenly in last few years she has changed a lot. Am not saying that she has become cruel or anything but she loses temper so easily n fight with everyone though her reasons are solid n logical but those situations can be handled maturedly but all she does is quarrel..dad promised her to let her pursue with her career after marriage but he never helped n stopped her work with tactics..n now he is performing concert n all simultaneously being appointed as deputy magistrate but mom is engaged with household works only..she gets no recognition n gratefulness from dad still she expects from him n keep herself busy in household works inhumanely n even helps any random person who comes by her n asks for help..she goes to extreme extent neglecting her health n peace n help them out...but all these things causing her short tempered n suffering from lack of innerpeace for that she reversibly makes us suffer too with her complaints n tantrums.. I tried to make her understand so many times just to avoid negativity n have peace in mind but she is jyst going impossible..i know she fights for truth n logically but sometimes you need to be silent to avoid negativity..this nature of her making her lonely..n yup she is my mom, if anyone says anything wrong about her I also engage myself in speechbattle with them...that's why I have no connection with my relatives n cousins as well...i am so helpless..i got manipulated by her n fight with people..i know she has suffered a lot but the changed personality of her making me go crazy m impatient too...i am lacking innerpeace...turmoil going inside me on..perhaps she neef some psychological assistance..n then I think about all of them who are responsible to happen this to her..they are insane too then why my mom has to have psychological assistance alone???n if she was wrong I can draw the conclusion that she has lost sanity but she is always right n logical..but her approach to the matter is wrong..n she refuses to change her behaviour..even my break up with my boyfriend happened just because of the two moms...his n mine, both manipulated us to fight just to stick to their own opinion..yeah its true if we have loved each other enough, we would never let this happen but unfortunately he never believed me n doubted me unnecessarily...anyways am so devastated inside...please help...n am so lonely inside cause no one is there with whom I can share...impossible relatives friends n mom's going impossible too... :(
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Don't know if you are in the U.S. or another country. I think due to the mention of arranged marriage that you're likely in another country where women are not generally treated as well. Thats one issue. The other is, you can not fix your mothers issues, only your own. Medicine isn't the only or best way to cope with the type of problems she has faced and neither it is for you.
I know in the U.S. that the association of psychologists of America is for the most part still operating under beliefs that there is no way to test for. Example: saying that only drugs will help as its a chemical imbalance or deficiancy. But there is no way to measure for that, and there never will be. Its take aspirin and the headache goes away that you must have had an aspirin deficiancy in your brain. Thats the basis for med. therapy. I don't know whats available in treatment in other countries but in the US, something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is gaining popularity and I know it works cus I stumbled across it as a teen to help me with my distorted thoughts that caused anxieties as a kid and teen, which some called shyness back then. CBT helps a person understand how they have distorted thoughts and beliefs that cause them to remain stuck in life under mainly anxieties and depression. I know this works and that in tests where people were asked to read books on CBT while they waited 4 weeks to get in to see a Psychologist, 2/3's of them no longer needed to see the Dr. after reading the book. However it is hard for people who've remained stuck for so long to start to feel good about themselves finally and these books work best in cojunction with visits to a Dr. who supports that type of therapy.
I had a bad 1st marriage, was abused verbally 30 yrs before I finally left him. I didn't have have perhaps the life you or your mom did, but enough of that kind of stress to know what its like and that it truly was due to my having untrue thoughts and fears and beliefs that held me stuck with the ex until I finally realized the truth. Once I was healthy mentally and could really look at my situation, I knew that no one had forced me to stay with him, only my fears of how to survive financially and my pride. When I let my pride down and began to tell anyone and everyone I knew of my situation, some friends out of state and said I could come live with them if I left the ex and I could get back on my feet, find work. It was my chance to get away and I took it. But I would not have left if not for some great corrections in how I thought and perceived my situation. Your mothers change in behavior is due to the stress of her life. Stress has to go somewhere. So it affects you physically, mentally or emotionally. For me, it was plagued with headaches, migraines, all over body rashes, and stomach ulcers, high blood pressure. For others, they either snap mentally and develop mental disorders or emotionally they have outbreaks or change personality due to the stress. It can only get worse and stress can shorten a persons life.
I know this all sounds bleak, but each person needs to care enough about themselves to do whatever it takes to get out of bad situations and not subject themselves any longer to anything that tears them down and abuses them.
So all I can say it that as much as you love Mom, seek help for yourself first that really works and if Mom can see the change in you and you offer her a way out too, then perhaps she'll take it but arguing and fighting with others does nothing to change the situation for the better. So instead of continuing on this path that is not making things improve, you need to check out others. All I have to offer for you to check out if this website and the books this Psychologist has to offer and perhaps writing and asking if they know of Psychologists who offer CBT in your area, or country or at least some clues as to where to turn.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
]
More Questions: |