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Everyone is in a relationship but me?
I complained about this since grade 10, I'm in grade 12 now and I haven't felt this lonely before. I'm almost 17 and I've never had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss and boys rarely hug me too. It's like I repel boys or something all my friends through my high school career have had at least one boyfriend and I can't even get a guy to say hi to me. My little sister who's in grade 10 attracts more boys than me she told me a boy offered to walk her to class but she declined and another boy was playing with her hair and another boy was mad that he didn't get to sit beside her. Also my dad is putting pressure on me saying for prom he wants me with a date otherwise it'll look like I'm a lesbian to his friends. I keep on telling him that none of the boys like me and it's true because I'd always hear boys call me "burst" or "beat" which is slang for ugly. My friends that are obsessed with makeup always beg me to wear makeup too and my mom begs me to wear powder even though I have clear skin. Also I'm average weight I weigh 130 and a little curvy so I'm not overweight either. Here's more background on me I'm socially awkward and whenever I'd have a crush on a guy i would avoid them completely. Some boys used to say they thought I hated them because I gave them a dirty look but I just have chronic bitch face syndrome (Which is what Kanye west has, meaning he never smiles) some boys even thought I was awkward around them when I'm just an awkward person. What could be the problem with me? Even the kids who don't talk to anyone ended up in a relationship like what the heck? The older I get the more embarrassing it is for me to admit that I've never even kissed anyone before. Also do you have any suggestions where I could meet guys my age because the ones at my school are douchebags :) thank you if you read all of this
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Haha, good for you, you see that the guys your age at school for the most part are all immature, have no idea how to treat people nicely, and too easily influenced by media and what that version of a pretty sexy female is like. Guys actually these days also worry if they look good enough to attract a girl. So doucebag pretty much fits for the time being. So many guys grow up to realize they were looking for the wrong girls all the time. They went for attraction sexually to what their eyes saw as sexy and in the teens, thats foremost on their minds, not being a best friend and also loving the girl and commiting to being in a relationship with her.
The issues I just mentioned for teen boy issues where they are so misguided seems to apply to your parents too. From what you have said, they have not learned to think for themselves, have biases or are bigoted, have lots of fears and anxieties, are immature, and believe everything that media tells them. I am sorry that your parents are so unaware of how limited they are in their knowledge and perceptions so their attempts to 'help' you are only going to make things worse.
The opinions of family and your peers are going to keep you feeling stuck and unhappy if you choose to believe them. They are all wrong.
They are also part of your problem because I can see what your actual problem is, and its not what they or you think.
I am glad you mentioned 'socially awkward' because from grade school up til my last year of HS, I suffered from lots of anxieties, pretty major. I never had a boyfriend but I had a small circle of 'true' girlfriends. I didn't worry about not having a guy yet or never being kissed because frankly the guys in school never appealed to me, too immature and fickle for me. I told my 3 daughters to watch the girls who had guys constantly after them and always dating another and breaking up and repeating the process. I asked them to watch what happened...the depression, loss of focus on their work and grades dropping. They reported back I was right. I said, do you think you're missing anything then considering what its doing to them? Boys thru HS are not mature and not worth the time for the most part. Make friends with guys but dont date. If you do meet one guy who is a real jewell of a guy, and its slightly possible, I wont say no. Just bring him by the house as you would a girlfriend...continue to be his friend and by late HS or after you graduate, you're a bit more mature and only then is it best to consider getting into a relationship. If you decide you've met someone and neither can resist having sex, tell me and I'll get you on the pill.
Not a one of the 3 ever dated during school or had sex or were kissed by a guy. They all waited until after completing highschool.
So the reality is, you are not behind or deficiant or lacking in some way.
However, you already know the answer to what is likely the problem, you brought it up. your words "whenever I'd have a crush on a guy i would avoid them completely. Some boys used to say they thought I hated them because I gave them a dirty look but I just have chronic bitch face syndrome"
You may not think this could actually be the only issue. It has very little to do with lack of a model look, and a lot to do with self confidence.
I understand your normal relaxed face having a look that is not 'inviting' to another. Mine is a very serious almost frowning look, I think I inherited from my mom cus she looked that way. Once people really get to know the real you, the face is no longer a problem. It was my last year of HS that I decided to do something about my social anxieties. The fastest way to get over them according to some psychologists is called 'flooding' or as I called it back then, facing my fears. Yes, there are actually fears that hold you back and held me back. Usually we dont bother to investigate what those fears really are or dont realize they are there, but the fears only help to defeat yourself, not move on. So facing them is the best way. The avoiding guys thing is likely why no guy wants to get to know you. Along with that is a lack of a smile, a lack of eye contact, and a lack of going over and just trying to make friendly conversation. The only girlfriends I had in school were those who came and spoke to me first, otherwise, I was too intimidated to approach others.
Think about it, are you very interested in talking to someone who doesnt smile? It needs to be intentional as its not your relaxed face. You are going to do this for yourself, not for those idiotic reasons your Dad gave you of being embarrassed about you. Any future issues with things Dad or Mom say that bother you, write me first...I'd like to help.
Anyways, a smile tells a person that you are friendly and approachable. This is where I got stuck, for I was afraid of drawing attention to myself, not knowing how to start conversations with a person I didn't know. So I faced my fears in steps, actually an answer I got from God when I prayed. Funny that what I heard from God matches what I now have read in books by a favorite psychologist...and its because it works.
So if you aren't ready to launch into convo's quite yet, start with smiling and saying Hi to people, maybe greeting by name. You may get puzzled looks and no response at first as naturally another teen will wonder why all of a sudden you are talking. If they do not respond and it feels awkward, don't worry, about 90% of people have genuinely friendly acceptive personalities and only a very few dont want to make friends, not just a teen thing but with adults too. So you could face your fear of no response from them by saying something. If you do not at this stage, you risk forming a negative thought about it that you cant prove is true but you may think "they don't like me", they think I'm ugly" and these thoughts only reinforce remaining social awkward and feeling unliked and bad about yourself. So I learned early on to actually admit right then if I was scared or what my issue is, like doing a book report and so scared that I stutter or mess up right at the begiinning. I would then say, "Boy this is scary, maybe cus you're all so scary looking. Just kidding. I actually don't like doing this. Can you tell? At Least I got my mistake out here in the beginning so hopefully I can do the rest of my report without messing up." Some will laugh and its because they can relate, they feel the same way and that is good when others know you're just as human as they are.
So how would you do this with a guy you approach and say hi to, especially if he only says hi and nothing else? Admit how awkward it is for you. The funny thing is, most people will not think less of you for it but consider you brave to admit it and thats one good reason to begin to like you. If you come across an immature teen who taunts you right back, its not you, they have a problem. Just walk away and dont approach them again. An idea of what to say? "Hey, I know I've known your name for years and been in classes with you and never talked to you. I am forcing myself to reach out and talk to others cus I've had this social anxiety and I am tiredd of it. So I am hoping to make some more friends." And there is it, all out there, making you now feel vulnerable right? Well, actually...no. You only feel this shaky anxiety up until the time you actually finish saying those words or until you've have a successful convo with the person. Then your anxiety will never come back. Youre over it. I forced myself to approach and talk to people I hadn't seen before such as asking the lady picking out melons at grocery what she was doing by tapping the watermelon. I after she explained I asked if she could give me a trick for picking out good cantalopes also and thanked her. It wasn't scary and she was friendly and the conversation was based on where we found ourselves or some object that I could use to start a conversation with. Paying a person a compliment is a good way to start. Like commenting on a new hair style, earrings or whatever, as long as you aren't making anything up for a reason to talk, let it be genuine interest in the item. Heres another example: I saw you got an A on the test. Is it an easy subject for you or did you have to study hard? Dont ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no cus then the convo ends if you cant have something they mentioned to launch your next statement or comment. No matter what a person answers, you can always find something to remark on. If you need more help in this area, let me know and I'll give you more examples until you will more certain of your ability here.
I read about a test done on men to see how they would respond when meeting women. What was the key factor that made them choose one woman over the other. It was staged of course but the men knew it was to be an observation to help psychologists with dating and attraction based issues. The results were amazing. When presented with average looking females with a great self confidence over the bombshell beauties who were ditzy, drama queens, or insecure, the men always chose the females with self confidence. When asked why, the men said they found those women to be sexier than the others. Imagine that. I can vouch that it is true. A divorce after 30 yrs of marriage had me single and out looking for a male partner. I had learned alot by then. So I had lots of self confidence, and honey, I am no model, I was close to 50 had some grey hairs, didn't wear makeup or high heels, just your average girl, and yet just what I wrote and my few photos had guys writing me by the hundreds over a 2 yr period. A guess would be close to 400 and I did screen and meet with only the few dozen who seemed promising and even a smaller amt that I actually went of a few dates with before I discovered something I would not tolerate that they kept hidden at first. I found a wonderful 2nd husband...together 6+ years now.
Another pointer for you is to keep in mind that the most successful relationships are the ones where the two are not just sexually compatible but the best of friends also. So it is a very good idea to start first with friendship and shortly into the friendship if either feels a romantic interest growing in the other, keep in mind no one is a mind reader, so tell them as in "I am beginning to have romantic feelings towards you." Its obvious that you like a person if you continue to meet with them as a friend. But its important to acknowledge when those feelings develop, always shared as "I am begining to feel..." rather than "I am in love with you" which if the other doesnt feel the same or isnt there yet, makes them feel awkward and trapped as to how to respond and a person may lie as to not hurt your feelings. Some people just don't have the chemistry for being together and two girls could have the same looks, same personality and everything and the only thing different is their pheremones. And the guy will be attracted to one, not the other. Keep this in mind in case a guy is not interested in you.
Make some friends this year of the males in school. In case none end up wanting to date you but are friends and dont have a prom date, it is just as fine to go to prom with a friend as with a boyfriend. All my daughters went to prom without a male date, no one asked and all their girlfriends had no dates either and only one of them struggled with her weight so it wasnt that they all werent average to pretty looking. They went to prom together as a group.
If I can help in any other way, let me know. Best of luck to you dear.
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One way to meet a boy that you can get to know before you actually meet is through a dating site but I think your too young to use them and it is just not right for you at this time.
Another way to meet people and have relationships is through mutual interest where you can have a conversation over something you are both interested in and the sex appeal is secondary or not relevant at the time.
I have made the following suggestion to others who have written back and thanked me as they have tried it and made new friends and entered relationships.
Ps. I'm old enough to be your grandfather so tell your father I said to get off your back; you don't need the pressure. He can deal with his friends. You know what your sexuality is and it is none of his or anyone else's business if you were a lesbian, which you are not. I think it is horrible he would say something like that to you.
What you need to do is sit down with pan and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do. List everything no matter how relevant you may think it is, Reading, writing, cooking, hiking, camping, fishing, photography so on and so forth. If you are religious put on the list any religious activities you might be interested in.
Once you have your list number them from on to the end. Then take your top 5 and look to see what organized clubs or activities there are for those interest and go to the meetings or outings. Continue down the list until you find two or three groups or however many you have time to join.
Looks or sex appeal are strictly for attrition. To have a relationship you have to go beyond the looks. The most beautiful person in the world can be an empty shell and be very popular but never have any real relationships. When two people have something in common the person behind the looks come out and that is the person you end up falling in love with not just the person's looks. As I say sex attracts but one day you wake up and find you have nothing to talk about and the relationship goes down the tubes, But if you share mutual interests the sex remains as the love grows.
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This is the first time i'm using this but I've given advice's to my friends who have relationships, since high school.
As for me you should wait for the right person to come to you, that would make you happy. That specific boy shouldn't focus on your looks but should focus on the inside of you, like your attitude, and etc.
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Do you really want to be in a relationship?
Dear, this isn't a necessity. Find other hobbies! Play golf or something. Hooking with boys is just like playing poker. First of all, it's not healthy, and second, it's based on how much you have (in this case, the looks), do you really want that?
Also, you're seventeen, if you go into a relationship, you'll just either break him or marry him, and I'm sure you want neither...
Lastly, according to your article, you've never fallen in love yet. So wait for the right guy :)
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